...And All The Bills Are In My Name
Flower Hedgerow blinked at the teller, unable to fathom what she’d just said to him. Of course, being told it in such a cute and professional way by such a cute and professional mare elicited only one response from him: “I’m a poor stallion.”
The Mare’s face twisted into one of sympathy, and her white tail swished like a 5 bit snake herder in an appleoosa ranch house... She seemed to stumble for words for a moment, but eventually offered up: “The very things that hold you down are going to lift you up…?” Her voice rose at the end, as if asking a question.
Flower sighed, and shook his head in disagreement. “It’s a hard knock life.”
The mare winced, and facehooved. “Is it too late to say that I’m sorry?”
Flower waved a hoof, accepting the teller’s apology, but paused, considering.
“What’s your name?”
The blue mare teller smirked. “I am your father.”
The room froze, and Flower glared at the now blushing mare, shaking his head slowly. “Sometimes the prize is not worth the costs.”
The mare turned away, blushing even deeper now. That joke had missed, against all odds. It was simply a bad idea to make such a terrible joke. “It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry.”
Flower rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say.”
The teller sheepishly held out a hoof, and offered her name; “Bright Eyes.”
Flower met her hoof with his own, and noticed that she, indeed, had bright eyes. He couldn’t help but get the feeling that every now and then she got a little bit lonely. It was like a total eclipse of the heart for him, and he felt pity for the poor mare. Shaking himself out of his introspection, Flower realized he hadn’t offered his name in return.
“You can call me flower… If you want to.”
“Twee-tweet, tweet-tweet! Tweet-tweet, tweet-tweet! Love’s sweet song. Hm! Pain in the pinfeathers, I call it!”
Bright eyes and Flower both looked up at what appeared to be a grumpy old griffin, but was more than likely her boss, given the way the mare had reacted to him. It was at precisely at this moment that Flower decided it was time to leave.
“So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu.” With that, Flower backed away from the bank counter, and swiftly departed out the front doors, but not before holding his hoof up to his ear, making the universal ‘call me’ sign, to which Bright Eyes smiled at before getting chewed out by her boss for, and I quote, “letting her guard down because of a pair of big goo-goo eyes!”
It took a herculean effort for Flower not to laugh at that, but of course, it only served to remind him of his predicament; namely, his completely empty bank account. Flower didn’t understand because he’d been working hard. For the life of him, he didn’t know where it went, he hadn’t even paid the rent!
“I’m heading to the poorhouse or heading to jail, and if I end up there I’m not making bail,” Flower mused to himself. “and if it goes to court, I sure won’t have a case.” Flower sighed, and sat on his haunches. “Have I been drinking champagne on a beer budget?”
But, no. That didn’t make any sense… of course, he did spend all those bits on the upgrades to his house… and the fancy new suit to find a new job… and the… okay, it was safe to say that Flower had a spending problem. On top of that, he had to plan for a date; a very important date. Which could get expensive.
“There’s a mare who’s sure all that glitters is gold.” Flower blinked in surprise. Who had spoken? He glanced about, and saw a shady looking stallion wearing a black cape. “Wanna buy a sundial?” The stallion opened up his cape, revealing a number of portable sundials that were likely cheap knock-offs of some of the more famous brands. Flower rolled his eyes, and made to leave, but the stallion quickly placed a firm hoof on Flower’s shoulder, holding him in place.
“Let me go!”
“Bismillah! I will not let you go!”
“Let me go!”
“I will not let you go!”
“Let me go!”
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Flower was just about ready to call the Ponyville guard, but the stallion spoke before he had the chance; “There’s a mare who’s sure all that glitters is gold, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven!”
Flower looked at the stallion skeptically. A mare who is trying to buy a stairway to heaven? Either she was very dumb, or very very rich. “If the stores are all closed?”, he queried.
“With a word she can get what she came for!” The stallion’s eyes quivered, betraying the earnestness of what he was saying.
Flower was unsure of why the stallion was telling him this, but he figured that if there was a mare in Ponyville with that much money, then maybe he could get a job with her...
“Money...” sighed the mystery stallion. “I wish it would rain down.” Flower peered at the stallion in confusion. The stallion widely grinned. “Ten spears go to battle, and nine shatter. Did the war forge the one that did not break? No. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.”
Flower was royally confused now. Spears? War? What was this weirdo trying to say?
“Dude, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Really?” Flower slowly started to back away from the definitely not fine pony.
“Absolutely! I’m fine! Totally fine! I don’t know why it’s coming out all loud and squeaky, cuz really… I’m fine.”
Flower only heard the echoing of the stallion’s voice calling; “Who else is fine? I’m making Fajitas!” as he galloped away.
“I think you’re crazy.”, thought Flower. Of course, all this excitement didn’t really do anything for his predicament. His stomach growled. Of course! He couldn’t really do anything on an empty stomach! As his grandfather had once said: “You’re not you when you’re hungry.”
Flower made his way over to the local pub, and counted the coins in his wallet. He had just enough for one final meal. “This’ll be the day that I die.” He sighed. Well, okay, maybe not today, but he would definitely die soon if he didn’t find some more food after this little venture.
Flower sat down at an empty table, and waited for the server to come take his order while he perused the menu. His mouth watered, and he soon had made his decision.
An impatient server stood by his table, awaiting his order. She didn’t say hello, or welcome him or anything, which Flower thought was rude. Regardless, he made his order;
“Food, glorious food! Hot sausage and mustard!” The server scribbled down his order, then opened her mouth to ask something, but Flower continued; “While we’re in the mood-- cold jelly and custard!” More scratching of pencil on paper. “Peas, pudding and saveloys!”
After a moment more of scribbling, the mare looked up from her pad and paper, and when it didn’t seem like Flower would say anything else, she raised an eyebrow and asked; “Hungry?”
Flower smiled. “Like the wolf.”
“Oh, what a day.” Muttered the waitress as she trudged away.
While he waited, Flower watched the ponies outside the pub walk by his window, and imagined all the ponies living life in peace. You may say he’s a dreamer, but he’s not the only one. Flower sighed, and imagined no possessions, no need for greed or hunger.
Flower tore his attention away from all the ponies, and instead focused on the local barstool warrior; Berry Punch. She seemed to be talking to her gin again. Flower watched as she motioned for a shot, almost as if she were treating her past decisions. Flower couldn’t help but wonder if she would be doomed to be a mare the world would forget.
“Just a prisoner of the monster on her back.” Flower muttered.
“It’s raining again.”, groaned a mare at a nearby table. Flower turned his attention back outside, and sure enough, the ponies outside had begun running for shelter.
“Oh, no.” Muttered Flower. This made it, what, the third time this week that the pegasi had scheduled a rainstorm? He had to wonder if they maybe made a mistake somewhere along the way. The mare at the table next to him just smirked, and offered her hoof, which Flower gracefully accepted.
“Rosanna.” She stated.
“Hey there, Delilah. You can call me Flower… If you want to.” Flower’s face grew bright red as he realized he’d gotten her name wrong, but the mare merely giggled, and turned back to her menu. Flower shook out his awkwardness, and resumed watching the rain coming down outside. The pegasi had really outdone themselves this time. A flash briefly lit up the sky, with a satisfying rumble following after. Flower liked thunderstorms; they were always so interesting to watch, what with all the cloud formations, and the way they rolled through the sky. He often wished that he’d been born a pegasus, but nope. Just a plain old earth pony.
Flower was brought out of his thoughts with a tap on the shoulder. He looked up to see the waitress, who’d brought his meal over. She grunted, and unceremoniously dropped his plates on the table.
“99. Ooh, I’ve been waiting so long!” Flower rubbed his hooves in anticipation.
The server rolled her eyes, flicking her tail in his direction in annoyance as she turned to walk away.
“Why you gotta be so rude? Don’t you know I’m a pony, too?”, thought Flower. Whatever. He dug into his meal, and polished it off in no time at all.
He sat back in his seat, and rubbed his distended belly. It would be his last real meal for quite a while, if his financial situation had anything to do with it, and Flower intended to savor the feeling of fullness. He observed the pub, taking in the atmosphere. The ponies. The food. The smells. The dad.
...wait… DAD?
The older stallion soon saw Flower, and made his way over.
Flower looked into his father’s eyes, and saw a firm determination. “Uh oh.”
Dad stopped in front of Flower’s table, and stared him down. Flower weakly waved a hoof.
“There’s a bustle in the Hedgrow.” Said Dad.
Flower winced, but felt he had to defend himself. “Don’t be alarmed, now.”
Dad shook his head, and held up a notice from the bank. Oh. Right. Flower had set up Dad to be the secondary user of the bank account, in case he ever needed Dad to withdraw something for him. Well, guess the cat’s out of the bag.
Flower hung his head, and Dad quickly pulled him into a hug.
“It’s gonna be alright.” He whispered into Flower’s ear.
“Grab your things, I’ve come to take you home.”
The End.
Author's Note
Yes, Flower's father's name is Dad Hedgerow. Kill me.
This was purely for fun, so it really isn’t up to what my usual standards for writing are, but dang if that wasn’t hard!
In case you haven’t noticed (and really, how could you not have?
), every piece of dialogue in this story was either a lyric, a movie or show quote, or a book quote. How many did you catch? Yeah yeah, I know that there are a lot of other famous quotes I could’ve used, but come on! You try thinking of them when you’re writing a story! 
Maybe I should write a sequel to this. Lol, could be fun, but it’s extremely time-consuming to do all that research.
