Make way for the REAL Storm King.

Chapter 5
All work and no play

Paperwork, how I loathe paperwork. Sadly, as ruler of an empire, paperwork is unavoidable. Evil runs on paperwork. At least for now. Plus, I don’t trust any of these people to do a proper job without constant oversight. They were sticking their hands in the proverbial cookie jar far too much for my liking. Money and material went missing by the wagonload on an almost daily basis. How the previous king kept everything running is beyond me. If it wasn’t for the obscene amount of personal riches and plunder, stashed away in the castle vaults, I would have been in serious financial trouble already. So that meant I had to double check everything.

One thing quickly became clear; the whole system needed to be cleaned up from the top down, starting with the most corrupt officials. So I had them all replaced, and to keep the newly appointed ones from picking up where their predecessors left off, I imposed some harsh penalties. Anyone caught ‘stealing’ from the system in the future would automatically be sentenced to do time in a special penal workforce, and then shipped off to do several months of hard labor in the mines, under the supervision of the diamond dogs. It’s not a great solution, but it’s all I have for the moment. Rooting out all the corruption will take time. Time and... paperwork.

A knock on the door provided some blessed relief from the endless rows of numbers and dull dry reports.

“Enter!” I barked, and the door swung open to admit Grubber, who shuffled up to my desk.

“Begging your pardon, Sire, but you are late for the weekly meeting.”

Was it that time already?

“Very well.” I said as I pushed back my chair and stretched to work the kinks out of my back, before grabbing a stack of designs I had been working on inbetween paperwork.

As we left my office, Wedge and Biggs, who had been standing guard outside my door, fell in behind me. Both of them sported brand new, custom fitted armor. A reward for their loyalty and service. Without them I would surely have died back at Blackreef. The trip to the meeting room did not take very long since I had the official one moved to a location much closer to my ‘lair’ as the minions were calling it. I don’t want to waste time running all over the place, so I had everything moved closer together for efficiency’s sake.

“Gentlemen, I hope you have some good news for a change.” I said as I entered.

“My lord, all but one of the coastal towns are back under our control. The citizens are on edge, but order has mostly been restored. The final rebel holdout is located in the town of Sandhill. They refuse to surrender even now.”

“Still? It’s been six weeks, gentlemen. Six weeks. This uprising should have been over four weeks ago.”

“We’re doing the best we can, my lord. But Sandhill has actual intact defences that can withstand a prolonged siege. It was built as a fallback point in case of invasion by sea.”

“No excuses general. I’m done wasting time on these freedom fanatics. The empire simply cannot afford it, it’s eating our resources and eroding both morale and stability in the rest of the empire. We are finishing this before week's end.”

“My lord, are you ordering us to implement the Blackreef protocol?”

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” I muttered sarcastically. The general just nodded. “In that case, yes, yes I am. Surround the town, then have the ships torch the blasted place to the ground from the air and let’s be done with it.”

“Aye, Sire. It will be done.”

“And make damn sure there are no survivors. The last thing we need is for them to slip away and begin another revolt in the future.”

“Understood, Sire.” he saluted smartly.

“Good. Anything else?”

“I be having good news for you, my liege.” Said Bones.

“Bones, good to see you.” I said as I shook the diamond dog’s massive hand. “I could use some good news.”

“Then this should be pleasing you, Sire. My dogs be finding the things you ordered us to fetch.” he beamed.

“You found a source of copper?”

“Yes, and also that other thing you said to look for.” He replied as he placed a large chunk of rock on the table.

My eyes lit up as I recognized what he had brought me, my mood instantly improved.

“That is fantastic. Tell your work crews to start mining and stockpiling it all immediately.”

“What’s so special about this rock?” Asked Grubber while eying the pockmarked piece of ore.

“That, my simpleminded friend, is Bauxite ore.”

“What’s it good for?”

“It’s the main source for producing one of the most useful metals in existence. Aluminium. And when combined with copper and a few other ingredients we can eventually produce Duraluminium. An even more useful alloy that is both light and strong. Speaking of useful, where are we on glass production?”

My newly appointed overseer of industry stepped forward. I couldn’t recall his name right then. He was a tall, gaunt fellow with a face like a catfish. “We’re having some trouble getting the sheets up to the size you specified, m’lord.”

“What’s the issue?”

He shrugged. “Mainly lack of experience and proper tools, m’lord.”

“Now that this little civil war is coming to a close, have the forges and engineers ramp up tool production, and see about finding more master glass blowers to instruct the workforce. This project is vital for our prosperity.”

I handed him the stack of blueprints. These were the next upgrades for our workshops. They included several designs for lathes and mills for both metal and woodworking.

“Make sure these get distributed to the forge. I want as many of these in production as is feasible, and shipped to every workshop in the empire. Along with copies of our existing power tools, and the steam engine. It’s time to spread the new production methods far and wide.”

“At once, m’lord.” he said, before exiting the room with a courteous bow.

Hopefully the distribution and decentralization of our new production methods would speed up production time on my current project. You see, the soil of the stormlands is of poor quality, and the weather is harsh year round. To eliminate, or at least reduce our dependence on imported produce I've ordered the construction of several massive greenhouses in order to set up hydroponic farming, since there is no shortage of fresh water.

We’ll be using fish waste to make compost fertilizer, since there’s no shortage of fish on this island either. By combining these methods, we can produce much more, with less material.

It's a tall order, and there are many steps that need to be taken before we can get these greenhouses up and running. Not the least of which is creating an actual power distribution system. But now that we finally have a source of copper I can begin the design and construction of our first electric generators and build an actual power plant. Which will take……oh my giddy aunt.

It suddenly hit me just how long it would take to uplift this island out of the dark ages. Construction work alone would take months. Not to mention training these people on how to actually operate all the new inventions I would introduce. How in the world would I raise an army advanced enough to do battle with forces wielding god knows what levels of advanced tech and supernatural abilities, before I would succumb to old age?

“My lord, are you alright? You look a little paler than usual.” grubber asked, concern clear in his voice.

“Grubber…”

“Yes, my lord?”

“Magic exists in this world right? What do you know about it?”

“Nothing really. I know there’s some fancy spells out there, but I have no idea how it all works.”

I looked at the other occupants of the room “What about the rest of you? Do any of you have any magical skills?”

They all answered in the negative.

“How is that possible? Your airships use magic rocks to power them for pete's sake.”

The chief liaison to the guild of engineers coughed politely before speaking. He was a pot-bellied lizard with thick arms that were obviously used to swinging around heavy tools. “My lord, while its true that we use certain magical resources in the production and operation of our ships, it is a far cry from other magical arts such as spellcasting.”

“Then I want you to find me the best magical expert money can buy, and I need them yesterday! In the meantime I want you to show me everything you know about magic as it relates to engineering.”

“As you wish, my lord. Whenever suits you best.”

Magic, as I discovered, is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a force that can bend scientific principles, indeed the very laws of the universe. It will allow me to cut some corners here and there. The problem with it, is twofold. For one, spellweaving and enchanting is very complex and requires great comprehension and precision. Without the link to the compendium to expand my knowledge I doubt I could make use of it at all. Runecraft, by comparison, is the easier path to master.

Secondly, magic doesn’t easily integrate with advanced technology. It works for simple constructs like the engines currently being used by the airships. But the more complex a system becomes, the more the magic seems to work against it, rather than with it. As if it somehow resents being shackled, for want of a better term, by the technological. Almost as if it had a will of its own. Hah, that almost makes it sound like the goddamn Force, but I digress.

The point is, even with the compendium as a virtual cheat code, it will take some time to integrate the two, and master them. The problem is compounded by the fact that I am a being from a world that has inherently no magic. Which means I can’t weave spells without a pre-charged foci or other specialist tool.

I rubbed my eyes tiredly. I had been in my study for hours, poring over volume after volume on various forms of magic and their uses that the guild of engineers had provided for me. Even with my expanded mind my brain was starting to feel like mush from all this reading. I hope my minions can find me an actual expert on spellcraft soon.

Deciding to take a break, I pushed open the door into the chilly hallway and made a mental note to add better insulation to the already extensive list of upgrades for the castle. Frankly at this point it might be easier to build a new base from scratch, but with current resources at their limit that would have to wait. My stomach chose that time to announce its desire for sustenance with a loud growl, and rather than call out for a servant to fetch me a meal, I decided to head down to the kitchens for a change.

The kitchens were relatively quiet for the moment. With only the head chef and his two assistants there doing prep work for tonight's dinner.

“My king.” the head chef exclaimed upon spotting me. Dropping into a bow. His two assistants following suit. “What brings you to my humble kitchen?”

“Please, stand. I dislike needless groveling.” I said whilst leaning against the isle. “I was feeling peckish so I figured I’d come down here for a bite. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, Sire. You are always welcome in the kitchens. Please, sit, I will make something for you right away. I have procured some fine fresh vegetables. I will whip you up something nice.”

I wasn’t really feeling in the mood for greens. I was craving some meat. Aside from some fish I hadn’t eaten any meat since my arrival in this world. “Is there no way to get a good steak around here?” I interrupted the chef.

“But, Sire, cows are sapient creatures.” the chef answered, clearly shocked by my question.

Sapient cows? You have got to be kidding me. Then again, should I really be surprised at this point? I’m living in a fucking alien zootopia.

“What about chickens? Or pigs? Are they sapient too?” I asked.

“No sire.”

“Then you better get me some damn bacon before my craving for meaty goodness makes me kill someone.” I said in jest, but he took me seriously.

“W-we don’t have anything like that in stock, Sire.” he stammered.

I sighed. “Then what do you have? Surely not everyone on this island is a freaking vegetarian.”

“We have smoked fish. And we have a small supply of yeti meat.”

It took a second for that last one to register with me. “Did you say yeti meat?”

“Yes, sire. Would you like some?”

“Well now you’ve got me curious.”

“I shall prepare our finest cut.”

I waited patiently while the chef prepared the meat. If I’d known what awaited me I would have fled the kitchens right there and then. When he finally served up the generous portion I was so hungry I chowed down without hesitation. The taste that assaulted my tongue was the foulest I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. It was gamey beyond all reason, and after chewing it just a little my mouth was overwhelmed with a strong wave of ammonia. As if the meat had been marinated in a bucket of pure piss. I all but projectile vomited it across the kitchen table. It was by far the vilest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth. This shit could give Surströmming a run for its money. I rinsed out my mouth and turned to the chef who was staring at me in horror.

“S-sire, I… I uhm… I had no…”

“I assume that wasn’t a deliberate attempt to poison me?”

“N-no, Sire, never!”

“Relax, you’re not in trouble. Just... don’t ever serve that to me again. As a matter of fact, this crap is banished from the castle from this day forward.”

“Yes your mercifulness. Never again.” he groveled as if one wrong word would mean he would be the one getting cooked next.

“Oh stop that. Just find me some bacon and all is forgiven. It’s only food.”

“Yes sire, it will take a few days though.”

I waved him off. “That’s fine. In the meantime just make me an omelette.”

“I…” he seemed ready to cry, “I’m sorry, Sire. But we ran out of eggs yesterday.”

I resisted the urge to facepalm. Fucking perfect.

I barged through the meeting room doors like a thundercloud. To say I was pissed off would be an understatement. I slammed my copy of the progress report down on the table and gave everyone present my best withering glare.

“It’s been three months gentlemen. THREE FUCKING MONTHS!! Why is the work progressing so slowly?”

No-one forwarded an answer.

“When I ask a question, I expect an answer. What is the goddamn problem? Are you people simply inept at your jobs? Do I need to find some replacements? Get things back on track!”

“But my lord, we just don’t have the materials.” sputtered my overseer of logistics.

“What are you talking about? I put in the import paperwork myself. So why aren’t they here? Do you have ANY idea how much these delays are costing us?”

“It’s the pirates my lord. Those damn parrots keep raiding our ships.”

Seriously? The pirates are parrots? This fucking world, I swear. “So why have they not been dealt with?” I asked, forcing myself to calm down.

“We tried, sire. But we only have so many ships to patrol the entire stretch of ocean between us and the mainlands.” Said Fleet Admiral Ironbrow.

“And what about armed convoys?”

“As I said sire, there just aren’t enough ships to both patrol the oceans and guard every…”

I held up my hand to silence him. “I’ve heard enough. Clearly the status quo isn’t working.”

“Then what do you propose, oh great and powerful leader?” Said Strife. I hadn’t even noticed him before he spoke up. He has an uncanny knack for blending in, which seems odd considering he’s such a strangely unique creature, you’d think he’d be the first thing you notice.

“Suspend all transport activities. Pull all the ships back to the island.”

“All of them, my lord?” asked Ironbrow.

“All of them, Admiral.”

“Are you insane!? We need to maintain our supply lines!” Strife hissed.

“I don’t plan to just sit around and do nothing. We will bolt every last weapon we have onto those ships. Load them up to the gills with as many troops as they can carry and then form them into a great armada. We will hunt down and capture a single pirate ship and put the screws to its crew. They will lead us to the rest of them.”

“And then we’ll destroy them.” Strife said with glee.

“Wrong. We will make them work for us. If they refuse that offer, Then we’ll find a way to destroy them.”

“Why would you make scum like that work for you? They will betray you first chance they get.” Said Ironbrow.

“You are correct, Admiral. Privateers make for unreliable allies. They are more concerned with greed and will take the course that will net them the most profit at minimal risk to themselves. Right now, raiding us is the most lucrative. We have to make it very unappealing to them. We have to buy ourselves time.”

“We should just kill them outright.” Strife growled.

“If it were that easy I’m sure that idiotic predecessor of mine would have done it. He didn’t strike me as the type to suffer setbacks to his plans. The fact that these pirates are still around suggests our strength is on roughly equal footing. Would that be a fair assessment Admiral?”

“That would be fair, my king.”

“So we will have to find a way to neutralize them, until we have the upper hand. The best way to do that, for now, is to have them on our side.”

As my words sunk in, everyone present started nodding in agreement.

“Evil overlord rule number two-hundred thirty-nine, I will always remember the motto: ‘Overkill is good, overconfidence is not.’ Always assume that your enemy might be stronger than estimated and plot accordingly."

“That is sound thinking, my lord.” said Admiral Ironbrow.

“Its paranoia is what it is.” Muttered Strife.

“It’s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.” I shot back. “This discussion is over. Make it happen.”

“By your will, Sire. We will get the word out.” said ironbrow.