(They say that sometimes, to write something classically great, you should step back and write something that is classically not. Of course, in theory you’re not supposed to publish those exercises. Join me now, as I test that theory.)

Landing on the forbidden planet Equus-1, the away team of the star ship Enterprise discovers that one of their number has actually visited there once before... as the ship’s command crew is rocked by the revelation of Scootaloo’s true parentage.

Meanwhile, a space armada of pirate ninja weasels prepares for the invasion of Equestria on behalf of their dread Lord of Darkness. Their first target? Why, the princesses, of course!

Also, there’s Captain Kidd. Or perhaps Fidel Castro. At the very least, Harry Mudd? I haven’t decided yet.

Anyway. The point is, you’ve been warned.

(Continuity note: none of my timelines would accept this story.)