The "Alicorn" Question

by Anemptyshell

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2707

Twilight realizes she knows almost nothing about Alicorn history and seeks out her former mentor for answers. She gets more than she bargained for.

Twilight Sparkle is an incredibly smart pony and the newest mare to join the Alicorn tribe. She has a lot to learn and who better to teach her than Princess Celestia, the matriarch of Equestria and one of the oldest and wisest ponies ever. 

It is during the meeting that there’s a knock at the throne door, and Twilight is taught that some questions are better left unasked. As sometimes the answers we seek are more than we bargained for. 

Few are ever prepared for the Truth, and even fewer are prepared for the Truth when it’s brought to them by the very source they seek. 

Published 2019-07-25 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-25 00:00:01 UTC

The Question

In the throne room of Canterlot Castle, the matriarch of the day, Princess Celestia sat atop her dais, her faithful and diligent student, or ex-student, Celestia thought with a chuckle, sat with her eyes glued to her teacher.

“So, that’s when Pinkie asked where Alicorns come from. I was prepared to answer, only to realize, outside of myself and Cadence, I have no idea where any other Alicorns are from, or if there are even more outside of Equestria.”

“Is that so?” Celestia asked, nudging her companion.

“Yep, then Rainbow said for a bookworm I sure don’t know anything about my own species,” Twilight said with a pout, earning a giggle from Celestia. “Then Rarity slapped her in the back of the head and made her apologize. The issue is, she’s right, I barely know anything about Alicorn’s as a whole.”

“I see, and that’s why you sought me out this fine morning?” Celestia asked with a gentle eye roll. “And here I thought you might simply want to see me.”

Twilight nearly choked as she waved her hooves frantically. “Of course? I wanted to see you, I just thought you might--”

Celestia burst into a full laugh as she patted Twilight’s head. “I was joking, my dear Twilight,” she said between laughing fits.

“Oh, I’m sorry, still, it was kind of rude for me to be selfish,” Twilight said with a small smile and giggle of her own.

“Not at all, Twilight, I would be happy to assist you. Though, I believe such a topic will need to be dissected slowly as to not overwhelm--”

A sudden crash at the door drew the two chatting Alicorns from their conversation. “What was that?” Twilight asked. Another crash into the throne room doors answered.

Celestia’s brow knitted together and she leaned forward in her throne. “That is certainly odd.” A third crash was followed by what seemed to be muffled yelling. The guards within the throne room stiffened up and stared unblinking at the shut doors.

The conversation outside the door was clearly going poorly as the conversation grew louder. The end of the conversation became decipherable to all within the chamber. “Oh just kick the stupid things already you moron.”

A fourth crash followed this one resulting in the twin doors blasting open and a pair of ponies entering the threshold.

The first was a small filly, with a white coat and a red mane with blue highlights. She swaggered in and smiled victoriously. The second interloper was a much larger heavy built stallion. His coat was a light brown and his mane cut short was an easy blonde. No sooner than Celestia had taken a clear look at her uninvited guests than she let forth an internal scream that if projected may have collapsed the very mountain on which the jewel of her empire sat atop.

Twilight sat and peered out at the duo curiously. “A filly?” she asked.

Celestia’s eyes swiveled from the now gaping doors to her throne room and the bewildered face of Twilight, who sat jaw slack as the youngest alicorn fought to register the entrance of their guests.

The guards who had until now stood as stoic stalwart sentinels had all turned to the new arrivals, spears leveled and wings flared. “Who dares?” one of the guards, a young corporal by the name of Heavy Thrust, asked. Only to have the filly intruder slap a hoof over his mouth.

“Shhh, you’re ruining the moment,” she said with a wink as she jumped back and turned to the still watching Celestia. “Well hey Celly, been a while, huh?”

Celestia managed to cover her surprise with a fake cough and clearing of her throat. “Free Spirit, I’m sorry. I had no idea you were coming by,” Celestia said her words slow and deliberate as she plastered a calm smile on her trembling lip.

“Well duh, surprise visits aren’t spontaneous if we tell you, we’re coming. I mean come on, Celly. That and the Council sent me,” Free Spirit chirped merrily and she trotted forward.

It was only as she drew up to the dais she stopped and looked about herself. After several seconds she let out a curse under her breath and turned to the large stallion she’d arrived with who stood at the door eyes plastered to the ground. “Hey, Bitch, you coming or what?” Free yelled.

The massive mountain of stallion muscle looked up and gave a small nod. With the effort of a child waiting to be punished, he shuffled forward, begging the forgiveness of each guard he passed. The guards in turn blinking and sputtering in confusion at the stallion in question.

“Hurry up!” Free yelled this time loud enough that those in the halls would have little effort taking it in. The stallion sped up if only slightly and joined his companion, maintaining a comfortable distance behind the hollering filly.

Twilight finally managed to regain her composure and turned to her mentor, eyes wide. “Princess, you heard what that filly just called him, right?” she asked, eyes drawn to the rambunctious filly and scowling curtly.

Celestia didn’t respond and let out a sigh. “Good day, Bottom Bitch, I’m sorry you’ve been pulled into one of Free Spirit’s less than thought out plans...again.”

“Princess!” Twilight yelped as she looked back to her mentor who met her surprise with another sigh.

“Twilight, you asked earlier about Alicorns, well, let me introduce you to Free Spirit, the alicorn of Free Will and Bottom Bitch, the alicorn of subservience and submission.”

Twilight looked back to the two in question and taking the two in, in full revealed they both in fact possessed wings and a horn. “But, his name, it’s real?” she asked only for Free Will to burst into laughter.

“By the Maker, what have you been teaching the newbie, Celly?” Free Spirit asked. Celestia huffed and Twilight turned to the filly and found a scowl returning.

“I’ll have you know, that, Twilight is only a recent Alicorn and I’ve been taking it in great strides to teach her at a pace that besets such changes,” Celestia said stepping from her throne and lowering herself to the diminutive Alicorn’s level.

“I’ll bet,” Free Spirit said with a smirk.

“I’m sure she’s doing her best,” the soft respite of Bottom’s voice broke the tension. No sooner than the words had left his mouth than a pair of tiny hooves began a tirade of passionate kicks descended on the massive alicorn.

Free Spirit's hooves reigned blow after blow down upon her companion with no mercy. “Who said you could talk, Bitch?!” The sight was like that of an ant attacking an elephant and though the blows lacked any power of note, Bottom still curled back and whimpered as his attacker continued their assault.

In the midst of the raging battle, Free had lost track of her surroundings and was ill-prepared for the sudden field of purple that engulfed her and drew her away from her quarry. “That’s enough, young lady,” Twilight said as she twisted the still flailing Free Spirit around to face her.

Celestia cringed and reached out for her pupil’s shoulder even as it began. Free Spirit had noticed what was happening and had stopped her mindless ineffective tantrum. She instead wore the look of one who found the one who slew her entire family, the type of look that few survived.

“Twilight, please, I would let her go if I were you,” Celestia warned weakly as Twilight stepped closer to her captive. Celestia took a deep breath and looked back to Bottom Bitch who was wearing a similar look to her own. In short, what happened next was less than pretty.

Twilight took one too many steps toward the floating filly. She never saw it coming. The aura she held Free Spirit in warped and hummed as the purple hue it’d been seconds before morphed and bled into a light red. Free Spirit’s eyes glowed a similar shade as she roared in defiance. “How dare you, try to confine me!” Twilight was blown back and plastered to the wall behind her. “I am Freedom! I am Exploration! I can never be contained!” Free Spirit continued, wings flared as she hovered closer and closer to the now shaking Twilight who was on the verge of tears.

Mere inches separated the two as Free raised a hoof. Twilight closed her eyes, prepared to meet her end. When a gentle tap to her nose brought her back to reality. “Besides, kid, I’m like a thousand years older than you. But nice try, you got spunk kid,” Free Spirit said with a wink and toothy smile.

“I-I-I-I, what?” Twilight managed her head tilted to one side her ears pasted flat against her skull as she tried to compute the situation. Free burst into a fit of giggles before she landed on the floor once more and merrily skipped back to her prior spot with a twirl.

“I think I broke her,” Free Spirit said turning back to Celestia who stood face in hooves.

“Must you overreact to everything?” Celestia asked.

“Yep!” Free Spirit stuck out her tongue watched as Celestia groaned in despair.

Bottom had in this time slowly made his way to Twilight who had slumped to the floor in the fetal position as she tried vainly to regain her sanity. “Do you need help getting up?” the stallion asked, offering a hoof as Twilight blearily looked up.

“Oh, I, um, thanks,” Twilight managed as she let the large stallion pull her to her feet.

“To answer your prior question Twilight,” Celestia said regaining the room’s attention. “No, his name was not always Bottom Bitch. But as the poor stallion feels the need to obey any direction given, Free here,” - Celestia gave the smiling filly the stink eye. - “had him legally change his name a few centuries ago as a joke.”

The filly’s smile grew as she watched Twilight’s face fall to disgust. “That’s awful, why didn’t anyone change it back?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, they tried, they all tried,” Free Spirit said smugly. She struck a pose and pointed back to the stallion in question. “But in the end, I just had him redo it, over and over, till everypony got bored and gave up.”

Twilight huffed and leered at Free Spirit. “You’re the worst,”

“And the best at it, baby,” Free offered a bow and offered Twilight a raspberry.

The conversation and Free Spirit’s gloating was brought to a sudden end as a bright flash surprised the gathering in full. “Sister, we have been informed we had some strange guests,” Princess Luna, the matriarch of the night said as she smiled brightly at her fatigued sister.

Celestia seeing no point in prolonged words simply pointed past her sister to the other occupants of the room. Luna turned and gasped as she took in the sight of Free Spirit, still mid bow and Bottom, who stood behind Twilight, who seemed on the verge of collapse.

If one was not mistaken, on top of ensuring Twilight did not in fact collapse, he seemed to be whispering tot eh young alicorn.

Luna’s grin grew three sizes that day as she greeted their guests. “Free Spirit, it has been a long time since we last met.”

Free Spirit smiled back and proceeded to tackle the Lunar diarch in a vicious hug attack, an attack that Luna returned most greedily. “Lulu, it’s been like a thousand years. Glad to see you got over your edgy goth phase.”

Luna burst into laughter as she drew the smaller alicorn into a noogie. “Says the legendary lolicorn. Tis no place for you to judge me,” Luna chastised as Free struggled in Luna’s grasp. When Free spirit finally managed an escape, she swatted aimlessly at her rival.

That settled, Luna turned to the stallion behind Twilight. Twilight by this point was angrily whispering back to the stallion. Luna wasn’t surprised it was in the big lug’s nature to need direction, and Twilight was a princess after all. That in mind, Luna addressed the silently arguing duo. “Ah and Slut, tis nice to see you, it has been many a century since your magnificent form hath granted those of this castle warmth on many a cold night.”

Celestia once again found herself screaming deep into her own soul. “Luna!” Celestia said in a cracked gasp. “That is hardly appropriate nowadays.”

“Besides, he goes by Bitch now,” Free added helpfully.

“Ah, I see,” Luna, said with a curt nod. “My apologies, Bitch, I knew not that your name had changed.

“Bottom waved and shook his head. “Oh, no, I'm sorry you weren’t informed sooner.”

Free hopped over to Bottom Bitch and calmly planted a slap to his cheek. “Who said you could speak?” Free spirit asked.

Bottom Bitch slumped and remained quiet. He had long since learned to follow his instincts. Submission was the fastest path to contentment.

Free Spirit stomped about. “Answer me?”

Bottom sighed, “I’m getting a lot of mixed messages.” No sooner than the words left his 0ut than another tiny hoof met his cheek.

“It seems neither of you has changed much since my banishment,” Luna said with a shrug.

“That is the problem, dear sister,” Celestia responded with a defeated growl.

“Princess?” Twilight slowly approached the throne once more.

Celestia bent down and pulled the younger alicorn close. “Yes, Twilight?”

“Is this karma?” Twilight asked.

“Is what?” Luna asked.

Twilight turned to Luna and sniffled. “For thinking Rainbow deserved getting slapped after saying I didn't know enough about Alicorns.”

The Princess sisters shared a look before they both burst into roars of laughter to the chagrin of a confused Twilight. “Hardly, Twilight, if anything, I would assume this a punishment for me, not you,” Celestia said hugging Twilight close.

“Celestia, Luna, yo!” Free Spirit called. “So, like it’s been a blast and whatnot, but I’m getting hungry, slapping around my Bitch is tiring and stuff, plus, the council is waiting,” Free Spirit now stood atop Bottom Bitch who seemed nonplussed by the whole ordeal.

Celestia smiled and waved enthusiastically. “By all means, my friends, we would hardly wish to stop you.”

“Tis true friends, I for one can attest to the calories burned in the throes of passion in which slapping bitches can amount to,” Luna said in agreement with a smile and a wave of her own. “However, do make time to stop by soon, there is much to discuss and do.”

“Right, will do, Lulu,” Free Spirit saluted before pointing Bottom Bitch back toward the Throne room doors. “Hi ho, Slutbag, away!” Bottom slowly jogged along and out of sight. The laughter and commands of Free spirit could be heard long after they left, to the bemusement and amusement of those left.

The council?” Twilight said rubbing her chin. Celestia coughed turned to Luna.

“At least it’s over,” Celestia said, with a forced smile.

“Those two are always quite the entertaining pair,” Luna said nudging her sister.

“Luna, that was awful, that poor stallion, and Free Spirit is almost as scary as Tirek,” Twilight yelled.

“They’re hardly the worst Elysians,” Celestia muttered. Celestia’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates no sooner than the words left her lips.

“I believe you may have said too much and I will not be punished for it, dear sister,” Luna pointed down to Twilight.

Celestia peaked down to her former student oh so slowly, to find Twilight gazing up in wonder.

“Elysian's? Twilight asked.

“Crap!” Celestia muttered as the internal screaming returned. This time, however, it was joined by the sudden unmistakable sound of sirens in the distance. Celestia could feel the ire of the Elysian council on her neck even as she slouched in her throne.

Twilight prodded her side as Luna disappeared in a bright light Celestia slowly looked up to the ceiling and with all the poise she could muster she let a single phrase grip her very soul. “Why me?”

Author's Note

A look into the world of Alicorns, Thanks for reading.

I regret nothing.

Free will is a lie, we are all slaves to our minds.