The Three Dazzlings

by Spettro138

Rating: everyone
Tags: Aria Blaze, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adagio Dazzle, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sonata Dusk, Anthology, Anthro, Main 6
Length: 4351

An anthology of the wacky Dazzlings and their attempts to get back in Celestia's good graces by performing a variety of services for Equestria

Twilight has convinced Celestia to allow The Dazzlings to return to Equestria under her custody to once again become citizens. She reluctantly agreed, on the condition that The Dazzlings must do community service for the next five years by providing a variety of services for the people of Equestria.

The only problem for them is that they are terrible at everything .

(For those who arent up to speed, this will parody The Three Stooges, the world famous slapstick trio from the 40s)

(This is another one of my experimental fics. If it kicks off well enough, I plan on doing more chapters, or "episodes" in the fic.)

(MLP canon will take place roughly between season 4 and 5)

Published 2019-08-01 00:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-08-01 00:30:01 UTC

Sing a Song of Six Dresses

Author's Note

Bear with me here on this one. Its kind of a shot in the dark, but I hope you guys like it.

My first episode of The Three Dazzlings.

Sing a Song of Six Dresses

After the Canterlot High incident where The Dazzlings were defeated by Sunset Shimmer and Princess Twilight Sparkle, they spent the next year moving from house to house, unable to hold a job now that their reputation had become known to the public. Poverty was only a small step away for them and they did not like it one bit. They may not have liked kissing up to the Princess, but they liked living like rats even less. Their apartment was falling apart every day, brutal attacks on each of them were getting more and more common, ending with broken bones and serious injuries, and to add to things, their landlord was beginning to solicit....questionable things for them to do so they would stay. So The Dazzlings decided it was best for themselves to give themselves up to Princess Celestia's authority and request to return to Equestria under peaceful terms.

Sunset Shimmer arranged the meeting with Twilight and the Princess on the other side of the mirror where they could discuss the terms of their surrender.

Twilight didn't take any chances with them, as she found a way to supress their natural Siren abilities and change them into common Unicorn ponies.

Celestia was rather surprised with The Dazzlings change of heart, especially after their long heated history with her and her mentor Starswirl. Twilight though reminded her that if somepony as impetuous as Discord could be changed for the better, why not them?

So she allowed The Dazzlings to come back to Equestria, under the condition that they remain in her custody and perform community service for the next five years, performing various services for Ponyville personally assigned by herself. While at the same time learning friendship lessons from Twilight and the rest of her friends.

Their first job assigned to them by Princess Celestia was to act as assistants for Rarity in her Carrousel Boutique. Just their first day, Rarity had to go off to Canterlot on business, so she left the Boutique to The Dazzlings, hoping they would make sure it remained in one piece when she returned.

In Canterlot Boutique in Ponyville, a new sign hangs on the window next to the front door in bold black lettering:

Pip Girls
Adagio. Aria, and Sonata
Unaccustomed Tailors
Ponies Furnishings
New and 2nd Hoof Clothes Cheap

Adagio started the day by cleaning all of the ponyquins in the window displays before going back behind the counter to check the mail delivered that morning for Miss Rarity. Aria was busy cleaning various coats and dresses of stains, dirt, and grime while Sonata Dusk was busy tailoring a pair of pony pants.

Aria found herself stuck on a particuarly difficult stain that was not coming out no matter how hard she put her back into it. Completely unaware that it was just light casted from a hole in the wall.

"That is the toughest spot I've ever tackled," Aria said aloud before soaking a rag and continuing. "Sonata, give me a hoof will ya?"

"I can't I gotta finish these pants before Miss Rarity comes back". Sonata replies.

"Hey girls," Adagio calls as she trots over to the two. "Listen to this letter: Ladies to who this letter concerns."

"That can't be for us, we aren't ladies," Sonata says humorously.

"Speak for yourself." Adagio replies wryly before smacking Sonata on the nose.

"Ladies to who this letter concerns. This is to inform you that unless overdue payments for tailoring equipment are made within 24 hours, we will repossess said equipment. Balance now 321 bits. Sincerely, Filthy Rich Finance Corporation."

Aria looked at the two with a concerned expression.

"They'll put Miss Rarity and us out of business, and we will have to go back to Earth. What are we gonna do?" she asked.

"You girls worry too much," Sonata said impartially. "I'm too young, hungry, and pretty to get wrinkles on my face. What we need is some music to cheer us up."

Sonata went to go turn on Rarity's radio as Adagio prepared to sock Sonata in the face for her absent mindedness.

"News flash," the radio pony announced. "The Royal Guard is frantically scouring the countryside in search of Terry "Slippery Hooves" Hargen. Wanted for robbing the First National Bank of Manehatten and seven other banks across Equestria in only nine days. A large reward is offered for his capture. Does your chariot have indigestion? Does it burp in the morning? Try NoBurpaLine, the only oil based bi-carbonated soda."

Sonata turned off the radio and then gave Adagio an excited look.

"Hey Adagio, why dont we capture Hargen and collect the reward and then we can pay our bills?" Sonata asked tapping her temple.

"Oh, its as simple as all that huh? Hargen is gonna waltz right in here and let you capture him? You're nuts! We're gonna be paupers, PAUPERS!" Adagio exclaimed in distress.

"Are you kiddin? We're not even married."

"Why don't you be quiet?" Adagio snapped back with a poke to Sonata's eyes. "Think!"

Meanwhile, Aria continued vainly trying to blot out the "unusual white stain" in a coat she was cleaning as she started shaking the ironing table around. The spot disappeared from the coat revealing a hole where Aria unfortunately cleaned harder than she intended.

"At least I got the spot out," she said cheerfully before laying the table back down.

The spot showed up again as she waved her hand over it. The gears began to turn in her head, making her realize the silly mistake she had made.

"Oh, boy am I a dunce," she lamented as she accidentally reached for the cleaning liquid bottle and began drinking out of it.

The moment that Adagio walked by, Aria spat out the liquid, completely soaking the back of Adagio's head.

"Oh, a funny mare eh?" Adagio asked angrily as she grabbed Aria's nose and smacked it. "What's a matter with you?"

"What did I do?"

Adagio walked over to the side of the room where one of Rarity's older outdated cloth pressers was and pulled out a pitcher of batter.

"Hey, who wants breakfast?"

"I do!"

"Make me some too will ya?"

Putting spots of batter on the presser, she pulled the lever down hearing the loud clinging and clanking of the old machine's gears as it operated.

After a few minutes of waiting, she lifted the presser and found six perfectly made pancakes.

"That worked better than I expected," she said thoughtfully. "Its not the grill back at Mel's Diner, but it works."

Bringing them to the center of the room on a plate where everyone could eat while they worked, she saw Sonata once again slacking off. This time, she found her, reading the comic section of Ponyville's newspaper and laughing her head off.

"What are you stalling around for?" Adagio asked angrily as she grabbed Sonata's nose and pulled her to the other side of the room towards a window.

CRUNCH

"Ooh! Ooh!" Sonata exclaimed painfully.

"You know Rarity has a rush order to get out by this afternoon. Get Mr. Granite's dress pants and hand press them." Adagio commanded.

"All right, all right, but where are they?"

"I pinned them up on the shade. What'd you do with them this time?"

"I didn't touch them!" Sonata replied defensively.

Adagio pulled down the window shade and pulled out a blue strip of flattened cloth that flapped around as they stayed curled up.

"Hurry up and press those," Adagio said as she handed Sonata the pants.

Sonata with a goofy look in her eyes started playing with the messed up pants as if they were an accordian.

"Go on and start working on those!"

Sonata then went over to an ironing board and pulled out an electric iron that she placed on a nearby chair. Placing the pants down on the board, she turned around to pick up the iron. When she turned back around, she found the pants rolled back up. Flattening them down again, she turned back around to pick up the iron, only to find the pants rolled back up again. Making a funny high pitched sound as she struggled in frustration, Sonata tried once again to flatten the pants. This time though, she tried catching the pants in the act as she did a little twirl on her feet. For a moment, the pants were still flattened out, until she went to pick up the iron and turned back around, only to find the pants rolled back up.

In frustration, she smacked the bottom side of the iron, only to get burned by it, causing her to jump around all over the room making a mess of the clothes, fabric, and sewing materials. Looking around for something to cool her head off, she found a pot of cold tea left by Rarity from earlier and shoved her hand in. Hearing a satisfying sizzle and feeling her hand cooling down, she gave a deep content sigh. As soon as she was sure her hand cooled down enough, she tried pulling her hand out of the pot, but found it had gotten stuck. She pulled and pulled but it wouldnt come loose.

"Double crosser!" Sonata exclaimed as she swung her arm and accidentally smashed the pot in Adagio's face.

Adagio fell backwards on to her hind end as Sonata kneeled over to apologize.

"Sorry Adagio, I didn't see ya there!"

"Oh, think nothing of it," Adagio said with feined forgiveness.

Flipping her emotions on a dime, Adagio grabbed a nearby broom and stuck the end in Sonata's mouth as she dragged Sonata over to the front counter for another task.

"Ah! Ah! Ah!" Sonata cried painfully.

Adagio attempted to keep Sonata out of trouble by having her stitch up ripped dresses, but unfortunately, Sonata became too enthusiastic and accidentally poked Aria with her needles.

"Hey, what's the idea?" Aria asked irritated.

"Sorry, you stepped into me."

Little did they know, outside a chase was taking place between an undercover Royal Guardsman and a Stallion that had just robbed a bank in Appleloosa. The criminal stallion ducked into Carrousel Boutique and dunked a bag of corn starch on himself to blend in with the ponyquins.

The Guard Stallion circled back around and entered the Boutique as he saw The Dazzlings working behind the counter.

"Hey girls!" the Stallion called out to them.

"A customer!" Aria exclaimed with glee.

The girls ran up to the stallion as he tried to ask them if they saw the robber, but was pulled aside towards the ponyquins by them.

"Listen mister, we're gonna make you look all handsome and slick," Sonata said as she batted her eyes at him. "Where did you get this mess?"

Sonata looked at his coat with disgust.

"I bought it here," the stallion dryly replied.

"Oh, what a beautiful messterpiece!"

Adagio and Aria went over to where the robber was hiding and began taking off his coat as he tried staying still as possible. Aria thought she saw the ponyquin move for a moment but figured it must have been her imagination.

"Here! Isnt this coat a beauty?" Adagio exclaimed as she showed the stallion the robber's coat.

"Genuine import, you can just smell the ocean!" Aria proclaimed proudly.

"And its 200% wool," Sonata added.

"200 percent?" the stallion asked confused.

"These sheep lead a double life." she replied humorously.

As they tried to force the coat on him to see if he would like it, the Guard Stallion had just about enough of their shananigans.

"I don't want a coat! I don't want a coat! I DON'T WANT A COAT YOU NIMRODS!" he snapped.

"Oooooh, he don't want a coat." they all repeated in unison.

"What he wants is a pair of Ms. Rarity's slick slacks," Aria stated as she leaned over to Adagio.

"Why didn't you tell me this hunk wants slacks? Get him slacks!" Adagio retorted as she slapped Aria's face.

SMACK

Aria went back over to the disguised robber as she took off his pants and hand them to the Guard Stallion.

"I don't want any slack-" the stallion tried to protest.

"Now look hun," Adagio said assertively. "In here, the customer is always right."

"Here you are sweetie, slick slacks! Try them on for size!" Aria exclaimed cheerfully.

However, as they went to try to take off the stallion's coat, Adagio folded over one of the inner pockets, revealing a Guard Pony badge inside. The Dazzlings faltered as they began to sweat profusely. Adagio did a quick polish with a nearby rag to try to calm down the Guard.

"Gee officer-"

"QUIET!" the guard bellowed. "You annoying birds realized you just let Terry Hargen the bank robber slip right through my hands? I ought to haul you in!"

"Please officer, I've got six husbands and two kids," Sonata goofily replied in fear as she backed away from the pursuing guard.

Adagio tried to defuse the situation.

"Honest officer, nobody came in here!" Adagio insisted.

"Well, he's in the neighborhood, keep a sharp look out. I'm heading over to the castle to inform Princess Twilight and Lady Rarity of the situation. I'll be back!"

"Right!" they said as they saluted in unison, bonking each other on the head.

"OW!"

In a hidden house around the street, the bank robber known as Slippery Hooves Hargen walked in with his thugs and undid his replacement coat. His girlfriend laughed hard at seeing the stallion without any pants.

"Don't laugh." Hargen growled. "Listen carefully sugar. My clothes are in Carrousel Boutique around the corner. Now in the watch pocket of the trousers there's a piece of paper with a combination to a safe. I want to do that job at Ponyville Bank tonight and I need that paper."

"Okay sugar, just leave it to me," the mare said as she prepared to leave the building.

As the girls sorted and pressed more of the clothes, Adagio came to the pants and coat that they had almost given to the guard pony an hour earlier. Looking for any lint, Adagio went through each of the pockets until she felt a piece of paper in one of the front pockets and pulled it out. Unfolding it, she came across strange numbers and letters written across the top.

"Hey girls! Look at what I found in the pocket of these pants!"

Aria and Sonata came over to see what Adagio had as she read aloud what was on the paper.

"L-R-L-R-L-R-L 1-1-2-3-2-2-1"

The gears began to turn in her head as she tried to figure out what it meant. Then she had an idea as she visualized a tumbler.

"Hey, L-1, R-1. Left one, Right one. This here is the combination to a safe!" she exclaimed with surprise.

Adagio went over to the coat to look for any identifying marks as she found initials in gold lettering on the inside.

"T.H. I wonder what that means?" Adagio mused.

"Teddy Hoovesavelt?" Sonata offered.

"Nice try, but wrong whiz kid," Adagio retorted dryly.

"T.H, T.H. I got it, I got it!" Aria cried.

"What?

"Thomas Hedison" she goofily replied.

"Will you dumb bells just stop?"

Adagio continued looking around as she looked inside the pocket for another mark and found a name stitched to the inside.

"Terry Hargen..." she muttered.

As soon as her brain kicked in, Adagio jumped as if she was going into shock.

"Terry Hargen was here! The bank robber was here!" she exclaimed fearfully.

"You're crazy, those clothes came off one of the dummies. Now no cracks!" Sonata said sticking her finger in Adagio's face.

Adagio replied with a chomp to Sonata's finger.

CRUNCH

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Later, Adagio went to do some stitching as she messed around with a razor to see if it was sharp enough. Going back to her task, she accidentally knocked the razor in to a small brush below as it got caught in the bristles.

The town's resident mystery pony Doctor Whooves came in the door as the girls greeted him.

"Hiya girls, is my coat ready?" he asked kindly.

"We just finished," Aria replied as she helped him into the coat.

Adagio stopped as she saw lint and dirt on the coat.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. Brush the stallion off!" Adagio barked.

Sonata picking up the brush below, not knowing the razor was inside, started stroking off all excess lint and dirt as she stared at his hat.

"Who made your hat?" she asked.

"My wife".

"I thought so..." Sonata replied.

As they finished with him, he started walking out the shop door as they all simultaneously gained looks of fear on their faces. The entire backside of the Doctor's coat had been completely shredded as it dangled around.

Soon as they knew he was far enough out of earshot, Aria and Adagio began slapping Sonata around.

"What kind of brushing is going around here?" Adagio asked angrily.

"He had a loose base!" Sonata replied.

Hargen's marefriend came up to the counter looking around for her coltfriend's coat as she tried to cover up her actions. The girls approached her from behind the counter to see what she wanted.

"Yes mam?

"Do you dye?" she asked.

"No, that's her natural expression," Adagio replied humorously.

"What can we do for you?"

"I'd like to have this dress dyed in Henna," she replied as she handed a dress to them over the counter.

"Henna?"

"Yes, H.E.N.N.A Henna. Its kind of a....brown reddish."

"I haven't heard of a brown reddish before," Sonata said to the others with a shrug.

"I'm also interested in a sports coat and a pair of slacks....for my brother of course."

Looking around the room, her eyes eventually spotted Hargen's coat and pants.

"That's exactly what I want!"

The girls quickly gave the clothes to her trying to get them out of the shop before the guard comes back.

"How much do I owe you?"

"411 bits, but there's a sale today," Sonata said cheerfully.

"Ten percent off." Aria added.

"That makes it 42 bits!" Adagio says absent mindedly.

As the mare goes through the coat,, Adagio picks up the pants and thinks she should keep the combination paper around to give to the guard when he comes back. Replacing the paper with one of Rarity's business cards and their cleaner notices, she brings it back to the mare as she pulls money out of the coat to pay them. Their faces became more and more surprised as more and more bags of bits came out of the pocket.

"One hundred, Two hundred, three hundred, four hundred, fifty. There you are," she said as she hands them 50 bits and heads out the door.

"Aren't we the schmucks? We had a fortune in our hands and we let it slide through." Adagio said to the others angrily.

"I'm gonna search all the clothes."

"Me too!"

They started searching through the clothes, but Doctor Whooves wearing his shredded coat came back through the door looking for an inquiry.

"Hiya girls! My wife is crazy about how you fixed this coat and she wants you to make a pair of pants to match."

In unison, the girls fainted at the thought of making suggestive clothing like what he asked.

Back at Hargen's house, his marefriend came right through the door and handed him his cleaned clothes. Going through his pockets, he found a piece of paper and opened it up, thinking it was the combination, but found something else instead.

A notice that said:

Recieve payment in full at Pip Girls Cleaners.

"Why the dirty...." Hargen cursed.

Looking through another pocket, Hargen found something else of his not there.

"They even took my bankroll, the dirty crooks. Come on boys, lets go calling," he said to his goons as they stood up and followed him out the door.

Back at Canterlot Boutique, the girls were doing a few last minute sortings and cleaning before Rarity came back from her errands in Canterlot. Hargen and his two goons came in the door wearing fake beards as they went behind the counter and approached the Dazzlings silently. They jumped slightly when they saw them, but composed themselves, thinking they wanted to discuss business.

"What can we do for you?"

"We would like to have our suits cleaned and pressed while we wait." one of them replied.

The girls went to take off their coats as Sonata approached the middle stallion and started taking his jacket off, only to find familiar initials on the inside.

"Uh, oh," she said worried.

Noticing an unusual lining in his beard, she went to grab it and pull it, realizing it was Hargen under the beard once she stretched it out. In surprise, she let the beard go, letting it whip back into his face. Taking it off, Hargen grabbed Sonata by the collar and glared angrily at her.

"Alright girly, where's the piece of paper that was in my pants pocket?"

"You mean the one with the numbers and letters on it?" she asked.

"Yes!"

"And the letters L-R-L-R-L?"

"Yes, Yes! Where is it?"

"I never saw it," she meekly replied with a shrug.

"Oh, a wise girl eh? Okay, fellas make them talk! Get them!" Hargen barks as Aria and Adagio make a run for it.

Putting on the beard and a nearby coat while Hargen is occupied, Sonata poorly disguises herself as she tried to sneak out of the boutique.

"Hey, where'd that girl go that was here?" he asked the disguised Sonata.

"Oooh, I'll get her..."

He then stops in realization as he kicks Sonata in the behind and grabs her as he hangs her up on a spinning coat rack.

One of the goons tries to grab Aria as she turns around and kicks him in the stomach, giving her the opportunity to knock him out with a nearby mop bucket and tie him up.

The third goon tries searching through Adagio's clothes as he holds her by the hair and looks through her pockets while she laughs her head off.

"Cut it out! I'm ticklish!" she cries in laughter as she pushes his hands away.

"Alright lady, now come across with that paper."

"Oh, the paper?"

"Yes, the paper!"

"Why didn't you say so?" Adagio says as she fakes reaching into her pocket and shows her fist clenched. "There it is!"

Bonking him on the head, she kicks the goon into the clothes press and pulls the lever down as it burns the goon's head.

"Hey Aria! I got him!" she exclaims to her friend as she comes over to help.

"Nice work Adagio!" she replies as she picks up an iron with a devilish look in her eyes. "We might as well press his pants!"

Slamming the hot iron into his butt, they watch as both irons steam and burn the goon into submission.

"Tell me where that paper is girly or you're going for a ride!" Hargen yells up to Sonata hanging on the rack.

"I tell ya, I haven't got it!"

"Oh won't talk huh?"

Spinning the rack around, Sonata screams as she comes back around and accidentally punches Hargen in the face, sending him staggering. Angry, he sends her spinning back around in the other direction as she comes back around and once again punches Hargen in the back of the head.

Adagio, deciding the third goon had enough abuse, pulled him out of the presser as vapor came off of his head.

"Oh, his head is steaming," she exclaimed goofily as she grabbed a board and knocked him in the head.

The goon gave a drunken smile as he fell down to the floor unconscious.

"Success!" Aria and Adagio exclaimed as they shook each others hand.

For a third time, Hargen tried spinning Sonata around screaming until she talked as he tied her arms to the rack. Unfortunately for him, her legs were left untied as she whipped back around and kicked him in the face, sending him to the floor completely knocked out.

"Hey Adagio! Hey Aria! Get me off of here!"

Taking her off of the rack and making sure she was alright, they pulled Hargen and his goons over into a pile as the Guard pony came back in and they explained to him what had happened.

"Nice work girls, hold them while I call for the wagon to pick them up!"

"Hold up a moment! What about the reward? We need it to get Filthy Rich off Miss Rarity's back!"

"The reward? I get the reward," he simply replied as he walked out of the Boutique.

Absorbing the weight of the guard's words, the girls slumped to the floor simultaneously in defeat as despair and sadness began to take over.

"There goes our chances of staying in Equestria...." Aria said glumly.

They started crying as Sonata tried wiping her eyes on Hargen's coat. However, she spotted something unusual in one of the pockets as she reached in and pulled out what appeared to be a large bag of bits.

"Hey look girls! Yellow stuff!" Sonata exclaimed happily as they all hid the bag when the guard came back in and gathered the robbers.

"Come on! Come on! Count it already slow poke!" Adagio cried with glee.

Sonata spilled the coins on a nearby table and quickly started counting them. Their smiles grew larger and larger as the amount of coins in the bag grew.

"100, 200, 300, 400, 500!"

Sonata then emptied the bag fully as fifty more coins spilled out.

"How did that get in there?" Sonata said absentmindedly as she pushed the coins off the table.

When the others realized what happened, they all dove to the ground for the coins and accidentally knocked each other out.