The Gruff Griffon

by Dreams of Ponies

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Other, Drama, Original Character, Comedy, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch
Length: 3367

Berry Punch has a tendency to stumble into trouble. This time, it comes with both claws, and a drink.

Berry Punch has a tendency to stumble into trouble. This time, it comes with both claws, and a drink.

Art by: Harwicks
Editor: Not Dashy
Prereaders:
Crispy Dough
Scuttlebucket

Published 2019-07-31 05:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-08-06 23:26:19 UTC

Berry Fortunate

“Weeeeeeee!”

I trotted, well, danced, in lovely little awkward steps down the snowy street of Ponyville. Minty Schnapps tickled my tongue as the last rays of the day cut through the chill. Turning my head, I watched the golden rays of the sun tint the snowflakes with lavender as they reflected off Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle. Tears trickled down my muzzle, and I couldn’t look away.

Then something heavy sent me sprawling.

“Holy buck, that’s cold!”

Scrambling, trotting and shivering, I pulled myself out of the snow using a conveniently placed feathery wall beside me. A moment later, I blinked, pulling my hoof back to glance at a single, gray feather.

“Give back, pony.”

Taking a step back, I look up, and up, and well, I fell over again. The shadow of a looming griffon shrank as it bent down towards me. With a clenched claw over my hoof, I was wrenched from the snow. Giggling, and with a little hiccup, I passed the feather back to him. I had clutched it against my chest as I fell, and it had only gotten a little bent.

“Sorry.” A tinge of purple crossed my cheeks, not that anyone ever noticed. Having berry-colored fur had its advantages, I suppose. The large griffon, silver and gray now that I could get a better look, took the feather gingerly from me before inserting it back into his ruff plumage.

“Ow?” I raised an eyebrow, but was ignored as he, given the pronounced muscles and lack of fine curves, just walked on by. The wheels of a wagon creaked as he practically dragged them through the snow. The wheels slid more than actually doing their job as he approached the end of the market district. Then I caught a whiff of something.

Is that… I think it is?

Before I could blink, I was standing on the edge of the wagon, hooves pushing off the tail end as I reached inside.

Just… a little further.

Then I fell in, knocking boxes and cans around before I finally came upon my prize. Thick, gravy-like liquid warmed my throat and sent my soul onto Celestia’s bosom. Hours, or maybe just seconds passed before I noticed the wagon had stopped, and that I was being stared down by the owner of the fine grog I was now mid-way through.

I lowered the jug, giving him a sheepish look before offering him the bottle.

“Cheers?”

He narrowed his eyes, and then, just like that, smiled at me like I was a freshly slain carcass. Turning, he left me to the grog, and after a grunt and a hitching noise, I was moving again.

Get up… or not…. let the grog decide. And so the wagon creaked on, boxes and bottles playing a lovely cadence as world revolved around me.

Click, clack, click, clack, grog, grog~ What a lovely tune.

The wagon dragged to a stop once more, and snow crunched once more just outside. I looked past the jug of grog, now nearly empty, and gazed up as the final rays of twilight faded into Luna’s domain.

Nothing good ever lasts long.

“Get up.”

“Hmm?” I turned to face my escort-slash-executioner-slash-provider of grog. His, um, beak was unreadable as he lowered the wagon’s tail end. His claws reached inside, and I pulled back. A moment later, he grunted, heaving up one of the many boxes and turning away. The clink of glass faded as he moved off, and I found myself sliding out with grog in hoof.

“So…” I started, watching as he held the large box with one claw, an old rusty key in the other. “What’cha doin'?” A grunt was the only answer as the heavy tumblers fell into place and he opened an old mahogany door. The sweet smell of polished wood, fermented wine, and, oddly enough, aged cheddar greeted my nose. I was happy to oblige it, of course, nearly floating inside as I hugged my jug.

With a flick of his long feathers, lights hummed to life around us. Low-hanging lanterns over wood counters, cushiony bar stools and long, private booths made me want to just sit down and have a drink. So I did just that. With a little squeak and swivel, I plopped my plot down, the jug clunking down atop the bar. As I took in the rather impressive variety of spirits, ciders and exotic mixers displayed on the bar shelves, my attention was torn to the clatter of pots and silverware emanating from the backroom.

So this is how it ends? At least, that was my first thought when the huge knife preceded the gruff griffon through a silver curtain. He sat a long pan down with a clank, pulling out a cutting board along with assorted food items: carrots, onions and a few others I didn’t recognize were laid out along the smooth, brown wood.

He got to work without a word.

Chop, chop, slice, mince.

Really, there was a lovely rhythm to all of it.

Swish, slash, dice, twist.

There was only one down side.

“I’m almost out…” I swayed a bit. “...of grog.”

He cocked his head at me. No expression, no leer, just a head tilt--he probably had a killer poker face. Gripping the grog, he lifted it into the air. One last mouthful swished at the bottom, and I nearly cried as he polished off the bottle.

“But grog!” I threw my hooves up into the air, now somehow standing atop my stool in protest. “The last bit is always the best!”

With what might have been a chuckle, he placed the jug beneath the counter. “I know.” And after that, he walked into the back.

I slumped, eyes dropping as my whole world shattered before me. The darkness crept towards the center of my vision, and I jolted up with a start right before I fell to the floor.

“W-what? Who?” I turned, my head darting back and forth. This shaking helped immensely, for it brought forth the most important question of my life. “Grog?”

A bottle, not grog was placed next to me; it was accompanied by a plate of rice and vegetables wrapped with some strange green paper-looking stuff. The griffon, who had a mildly amused smile on his beak, pushed the plate forward.

“Eat, pony.” Then he stepped out and around the bar, carrying a plate as he sat next to me.

My mouth hung open, anticipating some argument that never came. I uncorked the bottle, and, finding two mugs already waiting, filled them with bubbly liquid. Didn’t even spill a drop… on the table. I think my coat’s gonna be sticky in the morning, ugh. A blush crept up my face, which I tried to hide with more drink. This one had a bit of a light tang to it, and I drained my glass without thinking.

“Ah!” I turned as he bit down on something red and slimy. “Is this Sunflower liquor?” He was slow to swallow, and even slower to nod. “I mean, it’s not as good as that other stuff, but…”

He stood up, plate already finished and proceeded to stare me down. No blinking… no smiling… pretty sure he didn’t even take a breath. As a bead of sweat threatened to traverse my forehead, I reached for my plate. I didn’t even break eye contact as I scooped up a bite, chewed, and then swallowed. It was good… even managing to make me feel uncomfortable for eating it so quickly--though, it’s possible it was the crippling stare I was still receiving.

When I finished, I felt like the room would explode at any moment. “I’m just gonna go?” I stepped off the stool and started to trot away. “That’s for the meal and--”

“Pony will stay.”

And now he was behind me. Not sure how that happened, but with the room swaying and candles singing in soprano, nothing should’ve surprise me at this point.

“Pony stay?” I echoed, turned, and cocked my head up at him. “Pony needs to go home.” I moved to step around him, hard as that was as he took up most of the doorway.

“Pony is mine now.” And that made me sit and stare. Eventually, he continued, “I hit pony with cart. Pony pulled my feather, then drank most expensive grog. Finally, have pony for dinner. You now mine, Griffon Kingdom law.”

“Umm…” I peeked out the window behind him, seeing a glimmer of Princess Twilight’s castle in the distance. “This is Equestria, and well, I’m flattered, but it doesn’t work that way here.”

He grumbled, grunted, but seemed to accept that without much thought. “Then pony will pay for grog she drank.”

“I-- but!” I started, faltered, and then just sighed. “How much?” My little bit pouch I kept in my mane seemed to cry as I pulled it out.

“Five.” He held out his claw.

“Oh,” I said, a smile crossing my face. “That’s not so ba--”

“Five thousand bits.”

“What!!” I actually fell over. “What did I drink?” I rubbed my tummy, which must now contain liquid gold or some equivalent.

“Grimfeather Grog.” He never moved from the entrance. “The last bottle my mother ever made, distilled from her finest ashes.” He stepped closer as I sulked, dumping out my bit pouch and hoping to find a surprise fortune.

Only twenty bits appeared.

“We told pony. You are now mine.”

“I-I--”

He turned and opened a small cabinet beside the bar, then tossed me a silver hat. “You start tomorrow, before sun comes up.” I turned the hat over to read the words etched into the front.

“‘The Gruff Griffon.”’ I turned to scowl, or sneer, or apologize, but he was gone. Slowly, I made my way out, the lanterns clicking off just as I closed the outer door. Then, a question was late to the party.

“Don’t you at least want a resume or something?”

Author's Note

Here's to a new story, and hopefully a new drive to write. Started a new job not too long ago, and I've been both busy and exhausted. Bronycon is tomorrow, so I'm hoping to rekindle my motivation for the written word. New chapter soon!

With love and dedication, Dreams of Ponies :twilightsheepish:

The Pregame

The light was still on. Of course it was still on. The sun had set hours ago, and I’d groggily found my way home with an odd smile plastered across my face.

“Honey, I’m home!” I half-kicked, half shoved the door open, vaguely remembering to knock the snow off my hooves onto the mat.

“Don’t call me that, Berry.”

The voice came from the kitchen, where there was also a lovely draft of something orgasmic. I blinked, and I was suddenly seated at the table, chair slightly sideways beneath me. “What’s for grubbin’?”

A pink hoof pushed a bowl forward. Mmmm, soup. I reached forward with a spoon that had appeared in my hoof, but found my target suddenly missing.

“Soup?”

“Where have you been?” Turquoise eyes glared at me, then the rest of her came into focus. Bubblegum over razzmatazz, my sister always managed to be adorable, even when she was trying to set me on fire with her eyes.

“Stare...” She bent in close, getting near enough that our snoots booped together. “No soup for you.”

“But it smells so good,” I whined. Mmm, raspberry flavored. “And Berry did good today!”

“You’ve been drinking too much… Again!” She stuck her lip out for a moment before resuming her glare. “Talking in the third person, ugh. Did you even apply to any job today?”

“No, but--”

“Did you drink way too much and stumble around town?”

“Yes, but--”

“Did you get stuck drinking out of a stallion’s private collection and then let him take you home?”

“Well, technically it was a gryphon, but--”

“Oh, well that’s exotic.”

I snorted, hard. “See here, little missy,” I started to berate her, but when she was no longer in front of me, I blinked. After a moment, I spotted her bubblegum tail disappearing into the kitchen with…“My soup!”

I elegantly extracted myself from my chair into a perfect face-plant into the carpet. Lovely alcohol dulled the rug burn as I stumbled through the swinging wooden door and watched as the little pink demon held the soup above the kitchen sink.

“Nooooooo!” I held my hoof out, taking a step forward. “The soup isn’t to blame! It’s innocent!”

The scorn on my sister’s face made me stop. “Give me one reason.” The bowl was dangerously tipped toward the drain.

“I got a job.”

Only the gentle hum of the refrigerator prevented absolute silence.

“What?” She didn’t move, eyeing me with well deserved suspicion. “Where?”

“At this new place that’s just opening up.”

Pina pulled the bowl back from the brink. “So that’s why you’re so plastered? Just celebrating?”

The beginning of a smile that crossed her face immediately waned at my next words.

“No, it was part of the interview.”

Images of gruff feathers, good grog, and a pair of flailing hooves that kept pounding me and kicking me… not a good dream after all.

“Wake. Up.”

Something kept smacking me on my side. “Nooooo.”

“Wake! Up!”

It wasn’t going away. “Leave me alone…”

“Wake up, you fruity loon.”

I gave the only logical response. “Pancakes.”

“Yes, yes… I know.” A plate of hot fluffies were laid across my lap.

Hot… hot hot hot hot. I bolted up, lifting the cakes and glaring at my sister from across the white down. “You are the nicest, evil little twerp in Ponyville, you know that?”

She snorted, turning on the lamp next to the bed with a click. The sun’s rays were just starting to hit the top of my window shades.

“Oh, crap! Sunrise!” I took the plate and rushed around like a madmare. It was probably quite the sight, the hangover making everything feel like it was moving at either double time, or half-speed. After three minutes, a personal best mind you, I had showered, dried, brushed and sprinsed a little perfume and was on my way out the door.

Pancakes still in hoof, I started out into the snow.

“Good luck!” she called after me. “And don’t forget to bring back that dang plate!”

I snorted and waved before rushing out towards my fate, good or ill.

Smash! The moment I stepped inside, my blood was chilled even colder than the weather outside. A plate had crashed against the wall a few hands from my face, little bits scattering all over the floor.

“Hey!” I looked down at the poor, innocent china before the scraping of claws against wood drew my attention. Stern black eyes bore into my soul as the gruff griffin himself stepped out from what I presumed to be the kitchen.

“Late. Next time, you clean grease tray with pony tongue.” Even as I gagged, he stepped towards me and the plate of half-eaten pancakes that was still balanced on my back. “You brought fried dough disks. Good tastes, but too many fatten berry pony up.” With a flick of his beak and a fork that came from… somewhere, he stabbed a piece with gusto.

“Hey, my sister made…” I half-held my hoof up as he mowed down on my sister’s fluffy cakes. Pieces of perfect pancakes practically plastered everywhere but the plate. “Nevermind, anyway… sorry I’m late, Mr--” I raised a hoof.

With a thick swallow, and a mighty belch, he gave me a flat look. “Chopped Liver.” He looked down at the empty plate like he’d lost an old friend. “Your sister, she need job?”

“I…” Looking across the strangely rustic bar, I furrowed my brows. “Maybe? Not sure she’s ready, or that a bar is the best place for her; she’s still young.”

“In Homeland, life is work, and work is life. Break shell, chew food, flap wings. Life is work.” He bared down on me with hardened truth.

I sighed as I waved my hooves. “I’ll ask if she’s interested, now…” Looking around, I almost didn’t want to ask. “Where do I start?”

A glass slid across the bar and out of reflex, I caught it. “Uhhh…”

“Drink, pony. At least one an hour.” He drew his claw through his thick, grey plumage. “Pony is more fun that way.” He waved around at the bar. “Fun is essential, Mother's wisdom.”

Somewhere in the distance was a gasp of pink air. “And by the way, it’s Berry.” He said nothing. With a shrug, I gave the golden liquid a swirl, then down the hatch it went. Fire and fruit, with a tang of honey. I shivered, then smirked. “Emberosia? That’s a pretty new drink for such an ol--”

A claw gently clicked on another glass as we exchanged looks. “Go head. Finish sentence, pony.”

I pointedly looked away, sliding the glass over for a refill. A shake, a clink of ice cubes and a grunt later, I indulged once more. With a second, stronger shiver, I turned and clopped my hoof on the counter. “Aight, Boss. I’m ready for whatever you got.”

The long grimace across his face rocked me far more than any liqueur. “Pony thinks so; we shall see.”

So. Much. Cleaning.

“This used to be a Neighponese place; did they even know what soap was?” Down on my knees, scrub brush and soap bucket at one with my being, I polished that floor until I could see a Berry-flavored pony giving me a goofy smile.

“Don’t know, but found old bags of noodles in back. If pony is fast, might make soup before open time.” I gagged, giving him a glare. My tied mane whacked me in the face, and he chuckled. “What? No pony joke in Equestria?”
I rolled my eyes so hard it gave me a headache, or maybe that was booze. “Anyway, when do we open?” The floor was looking fantastic, and everything had been dusted, polished and cleansed of all the dirt demons that had moved in during the vacancy.

“Ten minutes.” He didn’t even look up from the glasses he was scrubbing out--not even once.

“You’re not joking?” I stared down the top of his feathery head. “Right?” Grumbling, I emptied the bucket and tossed the rag in a hamper. Climbing over to the bar, I looked over the many, many liquor bottles and flavors, breathing deep the elixir of life. “Look, Griff, you gotta price list for this stuff or am I just gonna charge customers based on their looks?”

After a moment of silence, I glanced over to see his beak stuck in the countertop, a loud snoring seeping out into the restaurant. Trotting over, I gave him a small shake, then a bigger one. Then I just screamed at him, for like ten minutes. Eventually, he flopped over and gave me the stink eye.

“Too loud. Prep work since moon princess painted sky.” He turned and reached behind the bottles to extract a little green pouch; opening it, he extracted some sort of dried herbs, then proceeded to mix it with a swig of Winnisiegh. Swallowing, he shook his head and gave a little flap of his wings. “Sky Mother, we needed that.”

There was a tap at the front door: It was time.

“Is pony ready?” He swirled his tongue around his beak, pulling out a long cutting board and broad knife.

With a grin, I reached back with my tail, grabbed a bottle, and then spun it through the air. Turning towards him, I caught it with a hoof, never looking away from him and his piercing eyes.

“Whenever you are.”

Author's Note

Heya, pones, back from the last Bronycon and back to work. Looking forward to writing at least one chapter a week if I can manage it. These are pretty short, so that should happen. Anyway, the first few chapters are mostly setup, so you can look forward to kind of a slice of life vignette style, perhaps. Comments and critiques are always appreciated.

With love and dedication, Dreams of Ponies :twilightsheepish: