Shoehorn

by TheMajorTechie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1096

A story written when there is absolutely no drive or motive to write.

So... yeah. I've mostly been bouncing between writing essays and watching Youtube lately. Really haven't had much of a drive to write anything.

Guess I really gotta shoehorn some ideas in, don't I?

So... let's write a story about it! :pinkiecrazy:

Published 2019-07-31 08:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-31 08:50:01 UTC

It's 2 in the morning and I have no idea what the heck I'm doing anymore.

Author's Note

GuYS iT HApPenEd aGAin!

It's 2 in the morning and I have no idea what the heck I'm doing anymore.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"

"Dear Celestia would you please shut the buck up?!" Twilight grumbled, shaking her head as she returned to her main character duties because she is the main character of this story written by an author who normally uses Twilight as a main character.

...

...

Keyboard typing sounds are good ASMR, in my opinion.

...

...

Spike groaned, facepalming as he walked out of the room and into the bad OC abyss completely on accident. Luckily, because he was related to Barney the Dinosaur and maybe just a little bit of Golden Freddy and three-quarters of an onion, Spike was able to summon the godly Desert Oasis Shrek to propel him out of the doomed pit of bad OCs and stuff. Higher and higher he rose, past the puffy clouds, past the skyscrapers of ~~New York~~ (Canterlot? Idk), higher than even the space station filled with banished ponies orbiting the planet.

The Desert Oasis Shrek landed softly on the surface of the moon with a soft poot.

(The author is currently half-asleep and writing with his eyes closed. Who knows what's gonna happen? Typos? Maybe. Depends entirely on his muscle memory.)

(Aw heck, I opened my eyes. Nevermind 'bout that.)

"Heh, farts." Spike chuckled, stepping off of the hand of the DOShrek. Also, he smelled of garlic and shrimp. For no particular reason.

"Ooh! Garlic shrimp!" Princess Luna cheered, bounding out from behind a moon boulder of cheese, "Are we having a gamergirl barbecue?"

"Wait, I thought you were back on Equestria!" Spike exclaimed, pointing his infinity gauntlet-covered claw at the Princess of the Night, "What are you doing here?"

"Subverting expectations, of course," Luna smirked, holding up a Gameboy. "Also, being a gamergirl. Want some bathwater?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"Ooh, look down there!" Celestia shrieked, popping out of a crater with a pair of binoculars, "Oooh, those ponies are gonna have a fun time when they try to rush Area 51. You think they'll discover the humans we've been keeping there?"

Spike cocked an eyebrow, firing it off into the distance with a stream of fire. Luna shrugged.

Short to say, they did indeed find the humans. Lyra has a new friend now. Bon Bon's on the streets scavenging for scraps 'cause she was replaced by the human Bon Bon that Lyra may or may not have stolen from the mirror world after making a clone of a ham sandwich inside Area 51 with the power of magic and good feelings.

Did I mention magic?

And so, humans began to proliferate throughout Equestria because that's just what people do. Granted, everyone was either gonna have to go vegan, starve, or find some shady place that sells meat. Short to say, the Fried Chicken Dealer has been seeing quite a bit more business as of late.

Oh yeah, Twilight was supposed to be the main character.

Eh. Let's just keep focusing on Spike while Twilight gets swarmed by cosplayers.

Spike, now short one eyebrow, fearlessly stood at the helm of his ship, telescope in hand as he watched the two ponies kiss.

"Yussss!" Cadance hissed beside him, "The love potion worked! Who should we ship next, Spike?"

Spike shrugged, pointing his infinity gauntlet claw at another pair of ponies. He accidentally snapped though, and half of all life suddenly disappeared. For a few creepy moments, half-ponies roamed the land, along with half-plants, half-animals, and a half-dragon frantically trying to un-snap the whole ordeal. Luckily, he un-snapped with half his claws, and everything was back to normal. Though, Waluigi was also there now because the color purple is attractive now. Or at the very least, even more so than it ever previously was.

Twilight Sparkle climbed onto Waluigi's back as the two merged into one. The newly-formed Waluilight blasted off into the distance, a tennis racket in one gloved hand and the twilicane in a hoof. Faraway, you could hear them utter a single word as the newly-formed single entity that they were.

"Pudding."

And so Mayonaise began to rain down over Equestria.

"NOT THE EGGS!" Fluttershy wailed as quitely as possible, "Mayonaise is made out of eggs..."

"Then you should try our brand-spankin' new Vegan mayo!" Flim burst, hurtling out of the sky and landing face-first in a conveniently-located pony-shaped hole matching his exact body shape and pose.

"Made by begans, for vegans!" Flam agreed, emerging from a dark alleyway that was just kinda there without any buildings to make an alleyway.

"But I'm already vegan, I think!" Fluttershy whimpered, "Though... I do have to serve meat for some of my animals."

"Aye, there is nothing to worry about, my dear," Flim whispered, climbing out of his hole, "'Tis but only a continuation of the circle of life. Organisms live and die on this world. They become food for the next creature that comes along, and so on. Eventually, all things must return to the soil that has birthed the vital life force that we hold within each of us. There is nothing to fret about, Fluttershy."

"Woah, bro, why you so deep?" Flam squacked, smacking his brother upside the head, "I don't wanna die on this world, I'm gonna make Celestia banish me to the sun! That way, I can live forever!"

"Bu I thought we just wanted money, not eternal life!" Flim shot back.

"Eh, changed my mind just barely," Flam nodded, "Yeah, let's go mug somepony now, eh?"

"Sure!"

And so Flim and Flam continued to run their organized crime ring right under the noses of the Princesses of Equestria.

It was at this moment when Twilight decided to finally show up as the main character again because that's how this story started. With a yawn she closed her book, looking around.

"Hold on, this isn't Vegas!" she exclaimed, disappearing from the area with a flash of light.

She reappeared in Starlight Glimmer's boot.

"Ah, there's a snake in my boot!" Starlight suddenly burst, flinging her singular boot across the pond.

After being so rudely yeeted by her own student, Twilight had had enough. She ate the snake that was in the boot with her and teleported out to slap a nearby flower, before storming up to the Fourth Wall.

"STOP IT. GET SOME HELP." Twilight scolded, "OR AT THE VERY LEAST, ALMIGHTY AUTHOR OF THIS GARBAGE FIRE OF A STORY, GET SOME GOSH-DARN SLEEP."

And so the author done diddly ding dong darn gonna do a sleep.