Chocolate with Nuts: MLP Edition
The school day had just ended, with the weekend about to arrive. Standing right be the frint doors, Smolder the dragon waited anxiously for the mailman, who wasn’t a pony, but someone she knew. A familiar red dragon with an orange frill arrived at the door, stopping and looking through the mail for the right stuff. It was short lived as Smolder opened the door
“Hey, Gargar!”
“NO! NOT AGAIN!!!” The dragon mailman screamed, turning and flying away.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow!” From behind, walking out, was Yona the yak, who only saw the mess of mail below.
“Ooh! Mail's here! What did dragon friend get?”
“Let's see.” Smolder picked up the mail and flicked through them. “Twilight, Twilight,Twilight,Twilight, Twilight, Twilight… Oh hey! A magazine!” The magazine had on a picture of Canterlot’s wealthiest stallion, Fancy Pants. “That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.” She opened the magazine and both of their eyes lit up in awe as they saw all the expensive stuff. “Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living! This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
“This pony's got shoes!” Yona pointed at an elderly stallion holding a bag of money. The magazine was quickly swiped away by a snooty looking mare with a pointed upwards nose.
“Give me that!” She hissed “Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I come here to see if that ‘Derpy’ misplaced my mail here like the others.”
“Hey, pony, how do those stallions in that magazine get all that money?” Smolder asked, trying not to snap
“They're entrepreneurs, dragon, they sell things to creatures.”
“What kind of things?” Yona asked
“How should I know? Things creatures wanna buy.” She turned around and walked away “Now keep your filthy paws off my mail.” Smolder let out a small growl, but stopped as she got an idea.
“That's it, Yona! We gotta become entrepreneurs!”
“Is that gonna hurt?” Yona asked with a slight voice of uncertainty.
“Quick, Yona! Without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?” Yona began to sweat nervously
“Uh.... More time for thinking!”
“No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.” Yona looked up as she saw a random student walk out with some candy.
“A chocolate bar?
“That's a great idea, Yona! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen! Meet me tomorrow at the kitchen, and we’ll get this started!”
Both Smolder and Yona exited the gates to the school of Friendship, carrying many chocolate bars and made their way into Ponyville. Most of the chocolate bars were on Yona’s back, with a couple in Smolder’s arms.
“Fancy living, here we come!” Smolder announced
“Make way for a couple of… sellers!” Yona added. The two walk up to a house with some advanced looking stuff around.
“Okay, Yona, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.” Smolder knocked on the door, with the door opening, showing a brown stallion wearing a green tie. “Good afternoon, sir, could we interest you in some... chocolate?”
“Chocolate?” The stallion asked in a British accent “Did you say, Chocolate?!
“Yes, sir!” Yona answered, pulling out two bars “With or without nuts?”
“Chocolate?! Chocolate?! Chocolate! Chocolate!” Yona and Smolder had the same scared look, backing up slowly before making a mad dash away as the stallion chased after them, yelling Chocolate over and over.
Yona and Smolder stood in front of another house, with Smolder rining the doorbell.
“Okay, the first guy didn't count.” Smolder spoke. “This is our real first step!” The door opened, revealing a lengthy stallion in a striped shirt and straw hat. “Good morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?”
“Chocolate bars, eh?” The stallion asked.
“Yes, sir, we are chocolate bar salesmen!”
“Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!” Yona looked back to see chocolate stuffed in her coat and under her mat. “No, no no no, wrong. You gals wanna be good salesmen, right?”
“Oh, most certainly, sir!” Both ladies answered. The stallion chuckled
“Well, no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these!” His green magic carried up a bright-orange bag
“Wow... what is it?” Smolder asked.
“t's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort.” Smolder was close to touching it, but the bag was quickly pulled away, The stallion began to walk back inside ”But, I'm wasting my time. You don't need these bags.”
“We need 'em! We need 'em!” Smolder and Yona shouted.
The stallion checked out the last number of bits. Yona and Smolder walked away with a lot of bags.
“So long, girls! Happy hunting!” He announced before laughing and walking inside his house. “Suckers.”
“Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!” The two sang as they headed next door. Smolder walked up and rung the doorbell with her foot. A very similar looking stallion, but this time with a mustache and a slightly different looking mane answered.
“Yes?” He asked in a deeper voice.”
“Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?” Smolder asked.
“I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you gals have got a lot of bags there. You two sir killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags.” He held up two large maroon bags.
“Yona take twenty!” Yona spoke.
Smolder knocked on the door of a different house, this one with potted flowers around, and a cream colored mare with a red mane answered.
“Oh, what can I do for you two nice young ladies?” She asked,
“We're selling chocolate bars.” Smolder answered in a gentle voice. “Would you like to buy one?”
“That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.”
“One chocolate bar, coming up!” Smolder unzipper the large bag first, pulling out a smaller bag, then unzipped that small bag, pulling out the same bag. The dragon was taken back, but continued to unzip, only for another bag to come out. She began to rapidly unzip the bags, pulling out other bags, all in an attempt to pull out a chocolate bar. Yona, meanwhile, kept zipping and unzipping a pair of pants she found. The flower pony looked at her watch in irritation.
“I don't have time for this.” She went back inside her house as Smolder pulled out a chocolate bar
“I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-” She stopped as she heard the same British stallion from earlier rushing towards them,
“Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!”
Both students sat in Sugarcube corner, both having a chocolate shake.
“We're not doing so well, Yona.” Smolder spoke “We need a new approach, a new tactic.”
“Hm... Yona got it!” Yona spoke “Let's get naked!”
“No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?”
“Pony said we were mediocre…”
“That's it! He made us feel special!”
“Yeah, pony did... Yona going back to buy more bags!” She got up and charged away
“No, wait, Yona!” Yona froze in place, inches from crashing into the door. “Why don't we try being nice?”
“Oh, that better plan.”
Both walked ahead to another pony’s house.
“Remember, Yona, flatter the customer.” Smolder whispered. “Make him feel good.” Yona knocked on the door, as a bulked up stattlion opened the door.
“Hello?” He asked.
“Yona love you.” Yona spoke. The customer stared at the for a couple of seconds then slammed the door in extreme disgust.
“I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.” Smolder spoke, ringing the doorbell. The door opened with the stallion looking out shaking.
“Please. G-Go away!” He begged. Smolder cleared her throat
“Um, H-H-How you doin'?”
“How am I doing?”
“Wanna buy some chocolate?”
“We got him now!” Yona cheered
“Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, blubber girl?” Yona’s belly literally bubbled.
“Hee hee, it tickles!”
“As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang. He held up a picture of his younger, more obese self. “You can keep that for five bits.”
“Yona take ten!”
The two walked side by side as Smolder breathed heavily, and Yona looked at the pictures she bought.
“We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted.” Smolder spoke.
“Huh?” Yona asked, looking at the picutre.
“Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.
“Huh?”
“Let's shake on it.”
“Did you say something?” The two headed to another house.
“Remember, Yona, focus.” Smolder knocked on the door as a kinda large stallion with a bushy mustache answered the door,
“Yes?” He asked.
“Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.” Yona moved closer to the customer with her eyes going in and out, back and forth, staring at him.
“...Why is Chubby here staring at me?
“Focusing.” Yona answered. The stallion backed up into his house.
“Back up, Jill!” He shouted as he slammed the door on Yona’s eyes. Yona’s eyes looked around the place.
“Nice place pony got in here.”
The two continued walking as Yona had herself one of their chocolate bars.
“I can't understand what were doing wrong.” Smolder spoke
“Yona can't understand anything.” Yona replied
“There's something to this selling game that were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!” They looked up to a sign for a fast food restaurant. Yona read aloud.
“Eat Hay Chips, they're delicious.”
“They are most certainly not delicious!”
“Not the way Yona use them!”
“Yet they sell millions of bags a day!”
“Well, maybe if ponies didn't stretch the truth, ponies wouldn't sell as many.” Smolder then had an epiphany.
“That's it, Yona! We've gotta stretch the truth!”
“Chocolate!” The stallion from earlier shouted, causing both to run away again,
They both stood in front of Sweet Apple Acres home, hearing the Professor Applejack was away,
“We'll work as a team.” Smolder spoke “Let me get this customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill!”
“The kill!” Smolder used the doorbell as Professor Applejacl’s Granny Smith answered.
“Yes?” She asked.
“Hello, young lady.” Smolder and Yona giggled but held it back, “We're selling chocolate. Is your mother home?”
“...Mom!” Rolling in on an electric scooter, was a much MUCH older mare that almost looked like a skeleton.
“What, what, what's all the yelling!?” She yelled. Smoler and Yona had the same stunned look on their face, “You just can't wait for me to die, can you?”
“They're selling chocolate.”
“Chocolate?”
“Yeah!”
“What, what are they selling?”
“Chocolates!”
“What?”
“Chocolates!”
“I can't hear you!”
“They're selling chocolates!”
“They're selling chocolate?”
“Yeah!”
“Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it!” Smolder began to sweat.
“Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for…”
“You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.” Yona added, Granny Smith consistently said “no” in a fearful tone.
“Live forever you say?” Granny Smith’s mom asked “I'll take one!” Granny Smith slapoed her own face. She gave them a bit as she took in the chocolate bar. “Come on, you lazy Smith! Start rubbing me with that chocolate!”
“I hate you.” Granny Smith muttered before slamming the door.
“If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!” Smolder cheered.
“Hooray for lying!” Yona cheered.
For the next few hours, Yona and Smolder sold their chocolate with lies, from saying it’ll help hair grow, anyone who eats it will fall in love, sound smarter, ECT. Both had a lot bit from their exposure, selling to about every house in Ponyville, with only one last house to go. For the last one, the two wrapped themselves in bandages. Smolder rung the doorbell as they tried to contain their laughter
“This will be the best lie yet!” Yona giggled.
“Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!” Smoler replied. The door opened a little bit,
“What can I do for you girls?” A male voice asked from within.
“Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.”
“Really?” Walking out of the door was a stallion with cast covering his entire body.”Small world. What's the matter with you gals?” Smolder and Yona looked completely stunned.
“Um, we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.”
“Ah, some creatures have all the luck.I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.” A wire snapped as the stallion fell, most likely breaking more bones in his body.
“Quick, Yona, let's help him!” They both took off their costumes and picked up the injured stallion into his house. “Careful, put him down gently.” Yona dropped the Stallion, him groaning loudly again,
“Ow...!” As much as Smoulder would like to laugh at him, the stallion looked too weak, making her having to not like her other dragons
“You poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?”
“Well, there is one thing... as you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling... chocolate bars.” Both looked over to a massive stack of boxes filled with chocolate bars
The stallion looked out of his window as he watched Smolder and Yona carry the huge boxes of chocolate bars away.
“Such nice girls. It does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! Ha ha ha!” He pulled off his bandanges, revealing himself to be the twin stallions, both using their weight to seem heavier and fall over easily.
“Don't get me wrong, Yona,” Smolder spoke past her grunts “It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.” She tripped on a rock and fell, the box layed flat on her face. “Let's admit it, Yona. We're failures.”
“Yona can live with that.” Yona replied as she placed an extra box on Smolder’s box and sat on it.
“Let's change our names to Why and Bother.” Peering behind them was their stalker, who looked insane.
“Chocolate!”
The Scream knocked Smolder, Yonu, and the boxes over. Both girls hugged each other and begged wildly. “Finally! I've been trying to catch you girls all day! Now that I got you right where I want you…” He turned back to normal as he pulled out a briefcase filled with gold bards. “I'd like to buy all your chocolate.” Smolder and Yona looking shocked. Chocolate bars fell out of Yona’s fut, along with a kiss from her back left let. Both girls melted.
“Thank you for your patronage.” Smolder simply spoke.
Yona pulled a wagon filled with bits and solid gold bars as Smolder sat in the wagon.
“Are we living the fancy life yet, Dragon?” Yona asked
“Not yet, big gal! First, we got to spend all the money.” Smolder answered
“ But what are we going to spend it on?”
“Hmm… I’ve got an idea.”
It was nighttime in Canterlot, and in the castle, guards stood by the front gates. Approaching them was the snooty mare with the magazine, along with her husband.
“Good evening, sir.” Her husband spoke in a Southern accent. “Table for two, please.”
“Sorry, but the Canterlot restaurant has been rented to a private party.” One of the guards replied. The mare looked shocked.
“But it's our only night to be away from Ponyville!” She shouted. “Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?”
“Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs and their dates.”
Yona sat next to Sandbar, both dressed up fancily, as Smolder, also dressed up fancily, sat with Granny Smith and her mom.
“So, how long have you two ladies known each other?” Smolder asked.
“What!? What did she say?” Granny Smith’s mom asked.
