Reflections

by Nailah

Rating: teen
Tags: Thorax, Pharynx, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Ocellus
Length: 3118

A small oneshot story about discovering who you truly are, through Ocellus's prospective.

How do you know who you are, when you are so many things in one? This is a story about discovering who you are, and what that means to you. It's a reflective piece meant for most readers to be able to connect with Ocellus.
Preread by: BezierBallad and Cosmic Eclipse.
Edited by: Skyward Sword.

Published 2019-08-06 00:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-08-06 00:40:01 UTC

Reflections

The bell for the last class rang, and every creature dashed out, except Ocellus , who sighed heavily. She managed a weak smile as she clutched her books tightly against her chest.

“Hey Ocellus, what are you doing after class?” questioned Smolder eyeing her fellow friend curiously while hovering midair. Her eyes darted from side to side, looking rather bored.. “Gallus and I are seeing if any of us want to get together for a game of buck ball.”

“Um...I'm not doing much. However, I'm not very good at sports. I think I'll just do my homework.” replied Ocellus, her gaze drifting down to the homework headmare Twilight had given them.

“Lame, but whatever.” replied Smolder shrugging her shoulders a bit, and scratching the back of her head. “It’s just you know I thought it might be good for you to get out there more.”

“It might be but I really would just like to focus on my homework. It’s very kind of you to think of me though. Have you asked Yona or Sandbar?” questioned Ocellus curiously.

“Are you kidding me? Those two lovebirds dashed off the second that bell rang. Love, it just doesn’t make sense to us dragons.” Smolder scruff-ed up her nose.

Ocellus chuckled a bit, and held her front foreleg against her legs, her eyelids closing and opening again. She went over and gave Smolder a soft embrace. “Love works in mysterious ways, Smolder. You just don’t understand it is all.”

“Yeah, I think that’s my cue to ditch this boring place. No offense to you or anything, but dragons just don’t do soft.” replied Smolder, flying off through the hallways to meet up with Gallus.

Ocellus continued her way back towards her dorm room, which was fairly organized and tidy. Everything has its place.

She smiled deeply, and settled herself onto one of the many pillows in her room. Ocellus gently opened up her books, she couldn't help but glance in the direction of the tall window. She could see Gallus and Smolder playing buckball alongside each other outside.

“It must be nice to be so close. To know who you are meant to be. But what about me? Who am I?” she questioned. A heavy sigh escaped her lips, remembering counselor Starlight's words: “It’s normal for a changeling to have identity issues.”

Ocellus couldn't help but whine a bit, and roll her eyes. She would never say such things out loud, but she was unsure how Starlight had helped her at all.

She fidgeted a bit more before settling onto her belly, and starting in on her homework. She smiled a bit as she flipped open the first page.

There was a note from headmare Twilight Sparkle on the first page, documenting how this was a study on changelings and their culture, and wanting the students to reflect on how much the changelings as a race have evolved, and how the students would use that evolution to help better Equestria.

“Have we changed? Or are we just still the same?” questioned Ocellus, lifting a hoof and staring at it. A heavy sigh escaping her lips. Am I truly different or are we just still the same?

“I mean we look different and all, but do we act different? I know King Thorax has really helped us grow, but what if we turn back into those awful creatures. Or worse, what if I end up hurting one of my friends?” she spoke shivering a bit. She flipped through another page, taking notes as she read. Just stay calm, Ocellus. It's not like it was back then. Relax.

“I really enjoy working on my homework. I find great joy in showing Twilight that we changelings truly have changed. But...sometimes I wonder. Have I changed?” she stared at the book for quite some time, before jumping when she heard a loud knock at her door. There's only one creature she knew with a knock that loud.

“Come in...” she whispered, scooting back just a bit. Prompting the door to swing open revealing Pharynx, the rather tall black changeling stood out from the rest of their kind, but what was he doing here?

“Hey kid, long time no see. Have you seen my brother around anywhere? He gave me this stupid map of how to get here, and now I can't find him,” Pharynx asked.

“Um...I haven't seen Thorax around, but I'm fairly certain head mare Twilight might know where he is. You should ask her. I'm just trying to do my homework,” replied Ocellus meekly, cowering before Pharynx.

“Homework? Is that what these ponies are teaching you? Pfft.” Pharynx rolled his eyes.“You should be out there learning how to fight like a real changeling, not cowering like a foal,” he grumbled, his face scruffing up a bit as he stomped his forehoof onto the ground.

“But I don't want to fight, I just want to be able to get along with every creature,” replied Ocellus, shuddering. Her face scruffed up a bit as well, and she shivered nervously, taking a gulp of air.

“Look at you. Seriously look at yourself!” Pharynx groaned a bit.“This is just pathetic, there's so much more to a changeling then pansy friendship. Now, I don't care what Thorax says, it's time I teach you young lings a thing or two,” He said, picking Ocellus up onto his back and flying out the open window of her room with her in tow. He flew down to an empty spot, far enough away from the school that it wouldn't bother any creature. He put Ocellus down onto the ground, folding his wings against his body. while he waited for Ocellus to pay attention, she seemed to be looking around at anything other than him. Thorax wasn't the only one around here that knew what he was doing.

Ocellus eventually looked up towards Pharynx a bit nervous, a sweat drop running down her brow as she slowly managed to stand up on her hooves and properly address her fellow changeling.

“Is this really necessary, Pharynx ?” questioned Ocellus, shifting her forehooves in front of her and keeping her head lowered a bit.

“Stop cowering and be proud of what you are! You are a changeling and you will always be one. It's nothing to be ashamed about, and don’t try to hide that’s what you feel, you know we all can sense it. Ugh, these ponies are making you as soft as my brother,” Pharynx grumbled again.

Ocellus fidgeted a bit, her dark teal eyes darting from side to side. What am I supposed to say? I can't help the way I feel or act. It's not like someone like him would understand, he knows exactly who he is, and he's proud of it.

“Alright, Ocellus,every ling is different in any way, that is very clear to me from the difference between Thorax and I, but deep in our core, we are still changelings. Just because your form is different than mine, doesn't make me evil now does it?”

“Um....no sir.”

“Please for Chrysalis’ sake, call me Pharynx . I ain't about to become your damn instructor. But, hopefully I can teach you a thing or two about how to stop fearing your own shadow.” Pharynx bent down to the drone’s height.

“I'm not afraid of my shadow. I'm afraid of what we used to be when Chrysalis was Queen and ruled us. We weren't very good back then,” Ocellus said as she bowed her head down.

“That was then, and this is now. I admit, I don't exactly see things the same way as the rest of the changelings do, but honestly? I'm proud of our history, even if it's clouded in a dark past. That doesn't mean I have to change what I am to change who I am,” Pharynx said confidently. “And neither should you.”

“So, you're not afraid that you might suddenly do something you might regret? I don't want to even think about harming my friends, just to feed our old hunger,” replied Ocellus.

“There is so much more to changelings then just how we feed, kid. You weren't really around when Chrysalis was our hive’s Queen, but the changeling culture has adapted.. We aren't just a bunch of....beasts,” Pharynx stated. “And that’s what’s important now.”

“Monsters might be a better word, brother.”

“You are a changeling. Not a beast nor a monster. There is nothing wrong with it, and once you realize that, you'll be able to grow up. But right now you're so afraid of what you might do wrong, you can't see all the good you've done.” Pharynx stamped the ground with a foreleg again. “Besides, Chrysalis really screwed up with what she did but back then, things were different. The hive worked together to find love for not just our Queen but for all of us changelings, we didn’t know we could use love in the way Thorax discovered. Heck, sometimes I still question how it works. You should study the old culture rather than shun it, that’s the only way you’ll truly be able to understand it. And I hate reading, but I could recommend a good book Chrysalis had back in our hive. I reckon I could find it for you, I suppose.”

“What do you mean by that, my hive brother?” questioned Ocellus, now looking up at him rather curiously.

“Thorax told me you turned into a giant bug bear to help your new friends, you weren't thinking about becoming like an old ling back then. You were simply concerned for the safety of your friends, that your instincts took over,” explained Pharynx, shaking his head a bit.

“I see...I never really thought about it like that.”

“We changelings have a unique gift that no other creature has, and we can use it to improve and help Equestria as your teacher wishes, but you simply can't be afraid of change itself,” replied Pharynx.

Just then, Ocellus about jumped right out of her skin when she could hear King Thorax shouting from above the two of them.

“Pharynx! What are you doing just running off with Ocellus? You ought to know better,” Thorax scolded, landing between the two of them, as he briefly glanced towards her and nudged against her.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently.

“I'm fine. He's not doing anything wrong Thorax, he's actually trying to help me,” Ocellus said, slightly downtrodden due to Thorax scolding his brother.“Though I don't know why.”

“Because he cares about you. He may have an odd way of showing it, but Pharynx cares about every ling, just like I do,” replied Thorax as he turned his attention back towards his fellow ling and brother once more. “Now, brother, you do realize the last time Ocellus ran off with her friends it almost caused a war between our nations right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“What do you mean ‘so?!’ We can't go to war with the other races. We are trying to show them how we have changed. That means not starting unnecessary conflict. You could have at least informed me you were teaching Ocellus about changeling culture, rather than being sneaky about it.”

“Well it's just this map you gave me isn't very well laid out. I sort of got lost, so I decided to see if Ocellus knew where you were,” Pharynx replied, smirking. “Besides, who’s the older brother? You or me?”

Thorax sighed heavily, and lifted his forehoof against his head shaking a bit. “I suppose it could have been more clear. However, that doesn't change the fact that you should have consulted me first. Ocellus is still confused about so many things. It's best to not startle her.”

“Yeah, because I’m the one startling her,” Pharynx said sarcastically.

“Um... King Thorax...” began Ocellus, trying to be brave.

“Yes, Ocellus?” questioned Thorax in return.

“What does it mean to truly be one with yourself?”

Thorax paused at the question, as he glanced over towards Pharynx for a moment, waving a hoof, and then returning his attention back towards his fellow ling.

“That is a question only you can answer. I'm afraid it's not something any creature can tell you. You must discover the answer within yourself,” replied Thorax, reaching out a forehoof, settling it on Ocellus's shoulder, and pulling her into a comforting embrace. “There will be many questions you will have, that I can't answer, but in time you will discover them. I know you will grow into a fine ling.”

“Um...thank you, King Thorax. I should probably get back to school though. Head mare Twilight will be worried sick if she can't find me,” replied Ocellus. “Besides, I still need to finish my homework.”

“You're right about that. I'll take you back,” replied Thorax.

The two of them headed back to the friendship school together, and right there standing by the entryway was headmare Twilight, who was confronting Gallus and Smolder.

“Um...headmare Twilight. I apologize if you were worried about me when I was gone,but I was out in the garden talking with Pharynx and King Thorax. I still need extra help with my homework,” Ocellus dragged a foreleg against the floor as she spoke, hoping she didn’t interrupt them.

“Oh! Ocellus, there you are. I wasn't worried, but it is very wise of you to tell me where you were. We wouldn't want any creature to be confused again,” replied Twilight, giving Smolder and Gallus one final stern glare, before focusing back on Ocellus. “Did you have any questions for me about the homework I gave you?”

“Well...actually I have a lot of questions, but I'm not sure you could give me the answers. It's something I've got to figure out on my own,” Ocellus said.

“It seems to me, you are already growing before my eyes. It's simply such a pleasure to see my students shine in front of me,”Twilight said, smiling and nuzzling her. “But if you ever do need me, I'm always here to lend a hoof.”

“I know. You're my favorite teacher,” replied Ocellus, blushing a bit and fidgeting on her hooves.

“That's very sweet of you to say, but I'm not any better than any of the other teachers. I'm just glad you are enjoying it here at the school. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go talk to Applejack about cleaning up the mess those two made,” and with that, headmare Twilight was gone.

Ocellus decided to trot out and see what had happened while she was gone. “Oh dear, that is a mess. I'm sure glad I didn't do that,” the entire ground was really dug up, to the point it could easily cause harm to any creature that might not know about it, causing them to accidentally stumble in. She held her forehoof to her chin, and tried to think if there was anything she could do to help fix it. Then she remembered her fellow changelings’ words to her, and turned herself into a mole, and went to help fix the ground. It took quite some time, it was getting a bit dark by the time she and the others were finished. But she managed to get the job done.

“Thanks for your help, Sugarcube. I reckon this would've taken us days without your help,” spoke Applejack whom had come from within the school to thank Ocellus for her help.

“Oh, it was nothing, Professor Applejack,” Ocellus replied.“Just helping out as best I can, but I really should get going. I have homework to finish.”

“I'm fairly certain Twilight would make an exception for ya if ya don't get it finished in time. I reckon we're all exhausted. You should just get some rest for tonight,” suggested Applejack.

“Oh no, it's alright Applejack, I really want to do my homework. I don't mind staying up a bit later. Besides, I'm more eager to work on it now, then ever before. I really think I have a lot to say.”

“I reckon that's a good thing. Ya'll just don't overexert yourself okay? We all worry about ya.” Applejack ruffled the top of her head softly.

“I know, every creature seems to cherish me. It's really sweet. Alright, goodnight Applejack, goodnight Twilight. Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams to you too,” Twilight Sparkle replied she had just finished her notes at school and came to see how things were coming along, waving a hoof.

Ocellus trotted back to her dorm room with her head up high, and she couldn't help but smile. She returned to the pillow she had been lying on to do her homework, and opened up the book once more.

“I simply love being here. This place is amazing, and every creature seems to know exactly who they are. I feel as though I'm starting to understand more of who I am,” she spoke to herself, blushing a bit. Thankfully, no creature was around to hear her. The voices inside her head seemed to have finally settled down.

“I wonder what I should write...I wouldn't want to make it too long, but I feel like I've learned so much in such a short time.” Ocellus picked up her quill in her hoof, and began scribbling down notes on a blank piece of paper. She was sure to write the things she learned today, and about how each creature is different, and no matter what race you are, or even who you are, you can always learn to grow from one another.

Ocellus smiled a deep genuine grin. She went into the bathroom, and glanced into the mirror. She didn’t shiver nor did she stray. She puffed up her chest a bit, trying to initiate how Smolder often looked to her, while staying true to herself. She was proud of who she was. “Thanks brother.” she spoke softly. With that she turned away from the mirror and went to return to her studies, feeling a lot better, and no longer ashamed of herself, she began to get ready to finish her homework. She stayed up most of the night working on her homework, until eventually she drifted off to sleep, her head right over her book, snoring a bit.

The next morning she awoke in her bed, having no clue how she had gotten there. She wondered if Thorax had decided to check on her and put her to bedBut when she glanced around her dorm room for any sign of him, she swore she saw Chrysalis towering over her. But thankfully it was just a shadow being cast.

“Nothing to be afraid of, Ocellus...she's long gone. She can't hurt you anymore,” The changeling reassured herself. “Nothing can.”