Author's Note
Well damn y'all. I didn't expect to get this feelsy with you guys today. But, here we are.
Speaking of feelsy, thank you EVERYONE who has donated to help Raevyn. The response to my blog post has been absolutely unbelievable, and I cannot thank you all enough for helping her and me in this time of need. You all raised over $250.00 for her in one day, and I am beyond grateful to each of you who donated, shared, or even just bothered to read my post. I woke up and cried this morning because this is more than I ever thought would happen. You guys are the most incredible fandom in the world and I couldn't be prouder to know such incredible people. If you're looking to spread the link around or donate, it's right here.
Thank you all. So much. This feel good ending is for you.
Speaking The Truth
Luna bolted up in bed.
The afternoon sun was up, and thus so was her sister. Her heart thundered in her chest, her breathing heavy. She jumped from her bed. She had to talk to her sister, and she had to do it now. Mercifully, her ever-moving hair made bedhead a near-impossibility, and she could come out looking fine. She didn’t look fine in any other respect, granted, but at least she didn’t look messy.
She glanced at the clock. Four in the afternoon. Celestia would be in the throne room now. She didn’t speak to the guards at her door. Instead, she went on her way and went to the Throne room. By some divine intervention, it was vacant.
Celestia sat atop her throne, face smooth as porcelain. When she saw Luna, however, it changed to one of concern. “Luna?”
“Sister, might I have a word with thee in my quarters?”
“Certainly.” Celestia nodded.
Instead of walking back, Luna simply teleported them there with her magic. Then, she sat down on the bed, face in her hooves. Celestia came over and wrapped a wing around her.
“Sister, I am so sorry.” Luna said.
“For what?” Celestia asked, bewildered.
“For what I became.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes. It was. And you need to hear this.” Luna said, and she trembled.
“When you were… When you were ruling with me and I didn’t feel as equal to you I was alone in the castle one night. I was practicing my magic. I was trying a sort of scrying spell. I wanted to see my future, to see if it would be better than it was now. And when I scried, her face appeared in the ball.” She said softly. “She looked like me but she wasn’t me and I didn’t know who she was but I felt connected to her.
I touched her face. Whenever I touch something magical I can get a feeling for what it’s supposed to be for or represent. I thought it would be that she was happy or she was powerful. But this time... I felt nothing.” Her voice broke. “Just this horrible, empty, black abyss of nothing. And It spread through me and made me completely numb, and I couldn't feel anything. And I wondered if this is it, if this is what's waiting for us all in the end, if this is what she felt and what mom felt what I will feel someday. Just empty and dark and alone and Nothing.
I couldn’t feel our bond anymore, and I couldn’t feel empathy. I only felt that numbness and oh, I wanted it to stop. And the only way I thought to stop it was to become her. To be her. Because even though I was numb, I wanted to not be. And she didn’t look numb. But I didn’t know that when I became her I would be suppressed to her subconscious. So I was numb, and I was watching her have the time of her life battling you, and I couldn’t feel anything. In the end, for those thousand years, I just. Couldn’t. Feel.
And when I came to and you were standing there, and I was scared, it felt so good. Because that horrible, make-you-sick fear was better than the nothingness. And I was so grateful for it. I started feeling things again. I could feel my fear and my guilt and my sorrow and my pain and that shame that never seemed to end and it was so good. Because those abysmal and awful feelings were so much better than that terrible, horrible nothing.
I’m so DESPERATELY sorry, Celestia. I am so, so sorry. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you, I’m sorry that I was so terrible that you felt you had no other option than to banish me, I’m sorry that I’ve been gone a thousand years and you have been alone, and I am so sorry I ever touched that awful magic! I need you to forgive me, Sister. I can’t lose the only family I have left. Please… Just please…” She wept.
Celestia wrapped her hooves around her sister. “Luna, I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. I knew even then that you weren’t yourself. I knew you wouldn’t have done something like that if you’d been lucid. It wasn’t your fault that I banished you. It wasn’t your fault that you touched that magic, because you had no way of knowing what would come of it, or that that would be the trigger. I’ve forgiven you for a thousand years. It’s time that you forgive yourself.”
Crying into her sister’s chest, Luna felt better than she had in so many years. A thousand years of pent-up sadness, guilt, and shame were pouring out of her, and the release felt so good. She didn’t know how long she sat there, sobbing. The only things she was aware of at that point were that her sister was still holding her, and all of her emotions, the entire spectrum, were finally back. The poison of nothingness had been lifted from them, after a thousand years of being null and void. It was as liberating as it was frightening, because now she would have to remember how to feel again.
Eventually, Luna calmed down. “Thank you, sister.” She said, taking in a shuttering breath. “I’ve held those words in my mind for far too long, and it felt good to let them out.”
“Thank you, Lulu. For having the courage to tell me.”
“Sister… You haven’t called me that since we were fillies.”
“It’s been a thousand years since I’ve seen you. For all anypony knows, we were fillies back then.” She smiled. “But you’ll always be my little sister.”
Luna smiled. “And right now, I am glad for that.”
“Well, I hope you told yourself a good bedtime story, and I’m glad I could help, but you should really try and sleep. You’ve got a thousand years of it to catch up on.” Celestia smiled.
“Yes, of course.” She said hesitantly.
“Luna?”
“Yes?”
“Are you afraid to go to sleep?”
“Perhaps…”
“Would you prefer I stay with you for a while?”
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, sister. I know you have duties.”
“My duty is to be there for my sister first. I’m staying. They can be without me for an hour.” She promised.
“You’re certain?”
“Yes. Now, get some sleep.” She said.
Luna nodded, and crawled back under the covers. Celestia sat on the other side, keeping vigil over her sister.
“Goodnight Lulu.”
“Goodnight… Celly.”
And with that, a peaceful sleep was had by Luna.
