I...I Did Something Awful!
"Waaaaaaah!!"
I'm coming, Pinkie, I'm coming! This might just be you being "Pinkie Pie" again, but I'm not taking any chances!
“Waaaaaaah!!”
Come on feet, hurry up! I gotta get to Pinkie!
Hey, Eric "Buggie" Reed here, and I found myself running as fast as I could to Sugarcube Corner.
While on a jog through Ponyville, I suddenly heard Pinkie Pie screaming, and it seemed to come from Sugarcube Corner. It's not something that’s unheard of -- Pinkie screams at the top of her lungs for the fun of it sometimes -- but something about this scream felt like it was something serious. There was no one nearby, so it was only me sprinting to aid Pinkie in whatever she was screaming about.
As a "puny" human in a world of magical ponies, and I’m physically weaker than most ponies to boot, it wasn't like I could do much if Pinkie truly was in trouble. And yet, my instincts as her friend overrode that, and I only wanted to get to Pinkie Pie ASAP!
Holding on to my white hat with a design of my friends' Cutie Marks on it that Rarity made for me, so it wouldn't fly off my head as I ran, I busted through the pink doors to Sugarcube Corner. By its front desk that held some cake with pink icing, I saw Pinkie sitting on the floor, still screaming her head off. But, I gasped when I saw tears pouring from Pinkie’s eyes in a stream and formed two puddles in front of her.
I sped to Pinkie and wrapped my arm around her to try to calm her down. "Pinkie, I'm here! What's wrong?!"
Pinkie stopped her screaming and crying, grabbed my cheeks with her hooves and looked me in the eyes. "Oh, Eric, I...I...did something awful!"
"Well, what is it?"
"I...I..."
"’I' what?"
"I...I...I..."
Feeling a bit annoyed, I placed my hands on Pinkie’s cheeks and demanded, "Pinkie Pie, what did you do?!"
"I...I'm a murderer!"
Yep, that forced my mouth to drop! My heart skipped two beats, and the shock made me let go of Pinkie’s cheeks! Sure, I knew Pinkie Pie is the most unpredictable pony ever and has a scary temper. But I never thought she would ever get mad enough to do something like this! “You are a what?! What happened?!”
Taking her hooves off my cheek as I took a step back, Pinkie stuttered, "Y…you see, I…*sniff*...had Berry over, and...and..."
“Okay, and...wait a second." Remembering what happened three weeks ago, I had doubts about this being what it sounds like.
"What?"
"Pinkie, this isn't like when you 'killed' that cupcake you named 'Cherry' by sitting on it by mistake three weeks ago, is it?"
"No, and he's not even a cupcake!"
"Is he a ‘regular’ cake?"
"No."
"What about a pie? And I mean the food, not your family.”
“No, he’s not a pie.”
"A cookie?"
"No.”
“A donut?”
“No.”
"Is he a--"
This started to annoy Pinkie. After a short growl, she shouted, "Eric! He's not something you could eat!"
"Really? It’s not something I can eat? So is he some kind of a drink?"
"ERIC! I told you I'm a murderer, and you're making jokes! I thought you were my friiiiend!"
Ouch, that attacked my heartstrings. Thus, when Pinkie broke down and tears flooded from her eyes and wailed, I decided to cut it out. I hugged my friend and petted her on the head to calm her down. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Pinkie, and I'm your friend so I'll stop. So who's 'Berry'?"
Pinkie calmed down again and explained, "Well…*sniff*...I made him a bow for winning our game of 'Tag' and tied it on him, and then we played ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’."
I released my hug on Pinkie and stepped back. “Okay, so what happened after you played ‘Duck, Duck, Goose'?”
“Then I…*sniff*...remembered that I needed to prepare a party soon, so I got out my party cannon, and..."
"And then what?"
"When I was picking up some things to…*sniff*...put in my cannon, I picked up Berry by mistake and threw him in the cannon."
I nearly asked Pinkie how could she overlook a pony, but after how I upset her a moment ago, I kept my mouth shut about it.
"Okay, so you threw him in your party cannon, so what happened next?"
"I made the cannon go off by mistake, and Berry and everything flew out and hit a wall! When I asked Berry to say something he…*sniff*...he didn’t say anything back!"
“Well, where is he?"
With a big frown and her eyes closed, Pinkie pointed toward a door behind the counter, which led to the kitchen in Sugarcube Corner. It was in front of the stairs that led to the upper floors and its brown door was closed.
"He's in the kitchen?"
Pinkie nodded her head.
My brain struggled to come up with what my next action should be. “Oh boy. O-Okay, uh, m-maybe I could go get--"
But as I turned away, Pinkie wrapped her forelegs around me in the upper part of my belly, and since I faced the other way, she stood behind me. As her grip tightened, I gasped from the pressure. "No, you can't! What will our friends think? What will my family think? What do you think?!"
I didn't know what to think, and I was torn on what to do. On one hand, we couldn’t hide this...turn of events. But on the other hand, Pinkie Pie’s a good pony. She even saved Equestria multiple times, and she wouldn’t hurt anything on purpose that’s not a villain. My instinct as Pinkie’s good friend was to protect her from getting in trouble.
But, the part of me that knew it wouldn’t be right to hide this won. "But we can't hide this, Pinkie."
"I know, Eric, but if you tell, I'll be thrown in Tartarus for the rest of my life! There’s not even a balloon for me to play with in there!” In her normal cheerful voice tone, but kept her forelegs wrapped around me, Pinkie added, “But maybe I could take some balloons with me, or I could decorate my cell with some ribbons. Ooh, I could throw a ‘prisoners in Tartarus forever!’ party and invite Lord Tirek! In fact, Eric, what do you think Tirek would want if I throw a 'prisoners in Tartarus forever!' party?"
Wow. Only Pinkie Pie would think about decorating her cell AND having parties with Tirek if she got imprisoned in Tartarus! Rarity would just think about decorating her cell.
Still in the grip of Pinkie’s forelegs, I had no idea what to say to her for a moment, before I shook my head and said, "W-Well, knowing Tirek, he’d want you to bring all the magic in Equestria to the party, but that's not happening! Besides, Princess Celestia only throws the most dangerous villains that won’t reform in Tartarus, but you’re not a villain! You just...made a mistake."
With that moment of cheerfulness over, Pinkie, in a sad voice again, corrected, "Yeah, a 'mistake' as in I killed a friend! What do we do?!"
"Well, uh...oh! I have an idea."
"You do?"
"Yep! I'll tell Twilight about this, and--"
"NOOO! You can't tell Twilight I killed Berry!" Pinkie tightened her grip on me even more. It was such a crushing grip that, if she didn’t let me go or had squeezed any tighter, she would have broken my lower ribs!
“Ow, ow, ow! Please let me go, Pinkie, or you’re gonna kill me by breaking me in half! OW!”
That made Pinkie gasp and release her vice-grip on the spot, and I fell to the floor to catch my breath and held my chest. Luckily, Pinkie let me go before she could injure me and I just needed a few seconds to shake it off.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Eric! Are you okay?!”
"Y-Yeah…*pant*...I am, but why not tell Twilight?” I stood up and turned around to face Pinkie. “She's your friend, and she'll never hate you over making even this...kind of mistake."
"I know, but she's a princess!"
"Yeah, but she's the Princess of Friendship."
"But--"
I rested a hand on Pinkie’s right cheek, looked into her blue eyes and assured, "Pinkie Pie, listen to me. I know you're scared of what might happen to you, but we can't cover this up. But if we tell Twilight, maybe she could do something so you don't get thrown in jail for life or something."
"You think she can, Eric?"
I nodded my head.
"O-Okay. Go get Twilight, and please, please, please, please, pleeeeease tell her that I didn't mean to do it!"
“I will. Just stay here, Pinkie, and I'll find Twilight."
To help further ease Pinkie, after I let go of her cheek, I gave a little *boop* on her muzzle to make her giggle, then I left Sugarcube Corner and sprinted to Twilight's castle, where I saw Twilight last. Oh, boy, I did not know how to explain this to her!
And to be honest, despite what I told Pinkie, I didn’t know if Twilight could use her princess status to protect Pinkie. Her power as a princess isn’t as strong as Princess Celestia’s. In fact, Celestia could probably strip Twilight’s princess status and maybe even take Twi's Alicorn wings if she wanted to.
Though, some bronies and pegasisters would have been fine with Twilight Sparkle being made a Unicorn again.
Now with Twilight, I sped back to Sugarcube corner, and Pinkie still sat in the same spot she was when I left, in front of the front desk in the room. Heh, she literally didn't go anywhere.
Twilight, with big sympathetic eyes, trotted up to Pinkie. “Okay, Pinkie, I'm here. What happened?"
Pinkie grabbed Twilight’s cheeks like she did mine before, and I struggled to resist chuckling at how hilarious Twi’s face looked as Pinkie squeezed it!
"Twilight! Please don't let me get thrown in Tartarus forever, especially not without a balloon! I didn't mean to kill Berry! I’m so so so sorry!"
Twilight used her magic to force Pinkie to let her face go, then with a gentle voice Twilight said, "Eric told me you're scared, but I promise I will do what I can. Where’s Berry?"
Pinkie pointed to the still-closed door she pointed at when I asked her where Berry was.
"I see. Well, before I can think of what to do next, I need to see what happened.”
Suddenly feeling protective of Twilight’s emotional well-being, I asked, "Wait, you sure you don’t want me to go in instead, Twi? You're the Princess of Friendship and I--"
"It's all right. I'm a grown mare, you know."
"S-Sorry, I didn't mean to--"
With a smile, Twilight said, "It's okay, Buggie. I know what you meant, and thanks. But I can do it."
I said nothing else. Twilight gulped, and crept through the door as she opened it with her magic. Once in, she loudly gasped, but didn’t say anything.
After five seconds, I ran to the door, which was a type of door that closes on its own, so I didn’t see the inside of the kitchen. "Twi? Twi? What's wrong? How bad is it?!"
Twilight didn't respond one bit.
Something wasn't right, because I didn’t think seeing a scene like...that would affect Twilight that bad, or she wouldn’t have acted so sure that she could handle it. Since Twilight was silent, I pushed open the door, walked into the kitchen, and saw her frozen in place. I stood beside her, but Twilight kept looking straight ahead, so I couldn’t see her face.
I focused more on what was in front of me, and my mouth dropped. By a wall beside a pink shelf with pink bowls on its shelves, Berry lay there motionless, like Pinkie said. He was covered in cake batter, which covered part of the floor by the wall, and a bit was scattered throughout the kitchen, such as on a brown table Pinkie likes to mix cake batter on.
However, Berry wasn’t what I thought he’d be.
Berry wasn’t a pony.
Or a Dragon.
Or a Griffon.
Or any “creature”.
Instead, he was a rock. A rock.
Yes, you read right.
"Berry" was an MOTHERBUCKING ROCK!
I groaned and screamed, "Pinkie Pie! All this was over a rock?! And of course ‘Berry’ said nothing when you asked him if ‘he’ was all right, because ‘he’s’ a ROCK!"
Still in the other room, Pinkie answered, "But Maud’s pet rock, Boulder, talks, and Berry’s been there for me since I was a filly! And now I killed him!"
At that moment, I forgot about “Boulder”. Why Pinkie would think “he” talks is something I wouldn’t question, but why Maud think he “talks” is a question I wondered about asking Maud, but never did. I took a deep breath to calm down, and then I noticed something odd about...Berry. "Wait, Pinkie? You said ‘Berry’ had on a bow, right?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you take the bow out of here already?"
"No."
"Then where is it? That bow's not in here!"
“Wait, really?” Pinkie ran in the kitchen to stand between Twilight and me, and squinted her eyes as she looked to where “Berry” lay. ”That’s weird. The bow I tied on Berry should be in here.”
As Pinkie stood confused, and Twilight still frozen in place, I stepped out of the kitchen and spotted something near the front desk, but was hidden from my point of view till this point.
It was a gray rock, wearing a pink bow. "Pinkie, is this 'Berry'?" I calmly asked while picking up the rock, but I had to fight the urge to scream.
Pinkie ran out of the kitchen to me, saw the rock, smiled, and exclaimed, "Oh yeah! We had another rock as a 'third player' in ‘Tag’ and ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’ and I must have picked up that rock and thought it was Berry when it flew out! Whew!"
Normally, I would have felt the urge to ask Pinkie why "Berry" was where he was, or how a bucking rock could beat her in “tag”, or why she talked like the rock she “killed” was...well a rock, or one of nine-thousand and one other questions. However, I wasn’t in the mood, so I yelled, "PINKIE PIE!! Not only did you make me think you killed somepony, but it wasn't even what you thought! Ugh!"
"Oh, I made you think I killed somepony?" Pinkie asked almost nonchalantly.
If Pinkie Pie wasn’t my friend or a mare, I might’ve smacked her for this! "Yeah, Pinkie, you did, you cra...I wouldn't have run to Twilight’s castle like a madman to get Twilight for a bucking rock! And your family eats rocks, but you told me it’s ‘not something you can eat’!"
“Yeah, you can’t, because you said that humans don’t eat rocks, right?”
“Well, yeah, but...I...you…” I realized that Pinkie said it’s not something I could eat, but she didn’t say that she couldn’t. After that sunk in, I forced out a loud groan, shook my head, and walked back into the kitchen to see if Twilight was still frozen in place, and she was.
"Twi? Twi?"
The Princess of Stillness again didn’t respond to me. Getting fed up, I walked around Twilight to look at her face to figure out why she’s acting like an Alicorn statue. When I did, I noticed her right eyelid was twitching, and her mouth was wide open.
"Hey, Twilight? Can you hear me?” I waved my hand over her face to try to snap her out of whatever state she’s in.
Finally, Twilight.exe. started working again, but instead of saying something to me, she slowly turned around and walked out of the kitchen. I followed and saw her staring daggers at Pinkie, who stood in front of the counter with her usual smile, and Twi gritted her teeth. But she stopped walking and stayed in place.
Feeling uneasy, I again asked, “Uh, T-Twilight? Y-You okay?"
Twilight “responded” by gritting her teeth even tighter, and a low growl came from her that slowly grew louder. Steam came out of her ears, and it made a whistle-like sound. It looked like she was about to blow and burst into flames, like she did in the “Feeling Pinkie Keen” episode of MLP:FIM!
I gulped. Before I was even aware I was doing it, I found myself creeping back to give Twilight Sparkle her space. A lot of space.
After another five seconds, in her “Royal Canterlot” voice that shook the whole bakery and cracked some windows, Twilight bellowed two words.
"PINKIE PIE!!!!"
"What?"
Author's Note
Good work, Pinkie Pie. You broke Princess Twilight Sparkle!
If Twilight can't be fixed and she'll never be the same again, we are going to need a new Princess of Friendship. Do you think Starlight Glimmer's ready to take over, or should they go to and beg Sunset Shimmer to return to Equestria and be the next Princess of Friendship?
