Luigi Wins by Doing Absolutely Nothing
In which the Villains lose.
It was a rainy day in Equestria. The clouds were booming, the sky was pouring... On days like these, you kinda expect something nasty to happen. And Bowser was cooking up something particularly vile. He laughed from his air ship hidden by the rain clouds, the rain slickening and washing his large spiked shell. The Koopa King turned around to his temporary allies.
"Looks like everything is in place. You pony folk ready to go?" He asked. Before him stood four ponies, each with a vendetta against the Rulers of Equestria. Daybreak smirked, her flaming mane sizzling in the rain.
"Ready as ever. Just make sure you stay away from the fire when I start it!" She cackled. Nightmare Moon stepped up next.
"Soon, we'll show them why we are superior." She almost roared.
"And when we're done, there will be nothing left but husks..." Chrysalis seethed. Her sharp teeth gnashed at the thought of a healthy meal for once.
"Let's not forget whose plan this was. We can't allow anything to go wrong." Sombra told them all. He looked at Bowser. "Are your fodder troops ready?"
Bowser grimaced at what he called them, but nodded. "Yeah. But don't go calling them fodder. Many of them have taken more 1-ups from those pesky plumbers than you'd ever believe."
Sombra rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm sure. Just keep them pouring upon the guards, and they'll be overwhelmed soon enough. They're almost as incompetent as yours."
Bowser grumbled in disagreement, and turned to look back down at the castle they were about to storm. "At least the Mario brothers aren't here to screw this up. If either of them were sent here, this whole plan will go up in flames." Bowser warns.
The four villains nod in acknowledgement. Chrysalis grins. "Well, now is a better time to strike than any. Let's get this party started.
The siege was well underway now. Ponies left and right were clashing, magic, blade and bow, with the forces of the incoming army. Shining Armor was once again channeling his magic into a barrier to cover the city. Still though, some creatures had made their way through the barrier, confounding him. How were these red-headed hoodlums so crafty? One of his men cut down one of said red menaces before it reached him. He gives a respectful nod, but then a crossbow bolt struck him in the shoulder. One of them was flying. Which was another thing, how the tartarus were they flying with only propellers?! Shining armor growled as he fired a magic bolt at it, knocking it from the sky, then firing again where it landed to finish it off.
"Captain! We can't last much longer!" One of the soldiers with a broken ankle called out, fending off a strange red shelled turtle with a broken blade.
"I know! Give me time to think of something!" He called back as he blasted said turtle. He had only 10 men left at this stage and the enemy had completely overwhelmed them... Not even Spitfire lasted forever...
All battle suddenly stopped. A green figure was falling from the sky, flailing. And the rain failed to muffle the figure's distinct voice, screaming as it fell. There was a feeling of dread from the invading army as all blood-lust faded from them. For Bowser's army, this being inspired the greatest of fear.
Luigi had arrived.
"Captain? What just happened?" Iron Hoof questioned as he looked at the army uncertainly.
"I think our prayers just got answered." Shining responded as he watched the figure land.
"IT'S GREEN 'STACHE! GET HIM!" Bowser Junior shouted from his clown car. At once, every single member of the army started converging on Luigi's location.
Luigi did not know what had just happened. He was in a state of shock. One minute, he had been at a restaurant with Mario, Peach, and Daisy, the next he was falling through the air. Reasonably, he panicked. After untold amounts of falling, he finally saw the ground. And somewhere during all his spinning out of control, he managed to land on his feet. Wait no... that was a Koopa Shell. Specifically, Bowser Junior. And Luigi had merely bounced off the poor guy's head. That being said, now that he looked around, he could see almost a hundred enemies around him. The next thing he landed on happened to be a Shy Guy, just drifting towards him in a kart. He was rather surprised when, as he landed in the now empty kart, the engine started up on it's own.
"WAH!" Luigi ducked as the kart started charging through the horde of Bowser's minions. He prayed for something to stop this wild ride as koopa after koopa after boo after boo was crashed through. He was too terrified to move! Eventually the Kart crashed into something it couldn't plow through. Luigi looked up as the engine died. There, in front of the Kart, was a winged unicorn with a flaming mane staring at him with a fresh bruise on her legs.
"WHO DARES!?" The sheer force of the voice sent him flying out of the Kart, once more flailing from being in mid-air. A passing pair of Goombas had been setting up a Spring panel not that far away, when they suddenly saw Luigi of all people fell on it, promptly bouncing off into the sky again.
"What the?! WHEN DID THAT GUY GET HERE?!" One of the Goombas responded. Luigi continued screaming as he somersaulted through the air against his will, before ultimately landing on another pony who was facing the oposit direction he was. This pony had a night theme to her, but had the same terrifying aura the other one had. Nightmare Moon turned to look in surprise, before screaming.
"OH FUCK, IT'S LUIGI! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" Luigi held on for dear life as the pony began sprinting in random directions, plowing through forces both pony and koopa alike. This drew the attention of the Fiery One, who called back.
"I'LL DEAL WITH THIS CURR! HOLD STILL!" Daybreaker stated, charging up a Fireball. Luigi, at this point, lost his grip entirely when Nightmare Moon began to buck him off. Once more, he was in the air, at least until he landed on one of the army's moving platforms. Luigi remained lying face first on the platform, groaning as he processed all the excitement. At the same time however, Bowser was descending on a cloud of darkness with King Sombra to check on the progress of the siege, as Chrysalis stalked towards the downed plumber with malicious, crafty intent. Chrysalis disguised as Mario as she jumped up to the platform, just as Bowser spotted Luigi.
"NO! I can't believe they actually showed up!" Bowser cursed as he saw "Mario" picking Luigi up with a helping hand. Sombra grimaced as he saw them too, charging up a crystal barrage spell.
"I will deal with them." Sombra stated simply. The spell shot forward, and fortunately for Luigi, as he was getting picked up and just as Chrysalis was about to land the betraying shot, the entire spell hit Chrysalis instead, sending her flying as her disguise failed.
"... You were saying?" Bowser accused, glaring. Now they were down a teammate.
"Damnit!" Make that two teammates. Nightmare Moon had been hit by a fireball, it seemed. Luigi meanwhile was once again paralyzed with fear. Even as the moving platform he stood on started sliding into a slot on Bowser's airship, he didn't move... but this also resulted in him once again falling through the air. This time, he landed full-force on Daybreaker's head, giving her a black eye as he bounced off, and landed on the ground for once. Luigi just sat there, looking at the three creatures he'd just knocked out... without even doing anything.
"What in the heck did I just get into?" He asked, shaking his head. He turned around in fear when he heard a set of hoof steps quickly approaching him, and he spotted a white unicorn sprinting at him.
"Watch out!" Shining Armor called to Luigi, using his magic to move Luigi aside... just in time to avoid a Bowser fireball. Luigi flailed again, trying to keep balance... but ultimately fell over onto a goomba, flattening it. Luigi ended up bouncing off at least five more goombas from his momentum, before another spring pad sent him up in the air again. Luigi landed on Sombra's cloud, groaning dizzily as both Bowser and Sombra moved in to attack. But... Luigi sank through the cloud at the last moment, causing the two to hit each other instead. Dazed from the damage, the both of them passed out then and there.
Then... Luigi fell on something familiar. Something that snapped him back to his senses. He grasped the flagpole. He gripped onto the bowser flag hanging from it. Following the motions, he slid his way down the flagpole with a sense of finality, and ripped the Bowser flag off the pole. The moment he did, there was an immense sound as Bowser's forces were forced to retreat. Luigi just got a LOT of one-ups.
Shining Armor approached Luigi after the fact, in awe of this mysterious green clothed mustachioed savior who had come at the last minute. "Sir... we can't thank you enough. How did you beat all of them so quickly?"
Luigi just looked away bashfully. "I uh. did absolutely nothing. Really, I just happened to be here." He answered honestly.
"Humility... I like you. What's your name, soldier?" Captain Armor asked. Luigi just looked at him, a bit confused why this guy thought it was humility... but then just shrugged it off and answered.
"Luigi." He holds out his hand. Shining takes it in his hoof.
"Well, I'd say you've earned a feast with the Princesses. Come with me, Luigi. I'll get you introduced." And with that, the tale of siege ends.
