Communism is Totally Awesome!
Author's Note
Well then. This is my first attempt at a crackfic posting. Never done one of these before, so I felt that it was in the right thing to just go ham with this. Plus, I've been wanting to write about this ever since I saw it in Ponies the Anthology 7, but for some reason, I was not only away from my computer, but also had other engagements to attend to. But, at long last, this is up and it's a one-shot ready for your feasting eyes.
Now, I'm not expecting this to be one of the most popular or funniest stories that you've read in recent years. If anything, you liking this is a welcome surprise. But if you do, then feel free to share it around with the people online and let me know what you thought about it in the comments section below.
And with that in mind, it is time to meet Rainbow Stalin. Greatest Equestrian Leader ever known to ponykind...
Communism is Totally Awesome!
Twilight Sparkle shifted and scurried around in her bed, her mind deep in the thoughts of her dreams. A myriad of thoughts came and went in her mind as she gently clutched onto the deep sleep. The covers ruffled and scrunched up with each movement that she made, to the point where it became a massive mess that looked like it was about to fall off. The pillows were no different either, as her head constantly thrashed back and forth, creating a deep, pulverised crater of fluff.
At long last, Twilight's slumber came to an end, but not by her own hooves. The loud roar of something screeched by her castle, causing her to shoot out of bed so fast that she bashed her body against the ceiling of her four-poster bed. At first, when she looked outside, she thought that it was either Rainbow Dash or one of the other Wonderbolts practising some new flying tricks in the town, but when a massive shadow passed by with another roar of the same sounding engine, her thoughts changed entirely.
"What in the world...?" She asked herself as she saw the source of the shadow and sound. It wasn't that of a pegasus, but rather of a bizarre, winged contraption spewing smoke out of the rear. It had wide, steel wings and a glass dome at the front. The back of the device seemed cylindrical, with fire accompanying the smoke that was being formed as the machines swung on by past the castle.
Twilight rubbed her eyes when she saw the machine, then dashed towards the door of her bedroom, burst through it and charged down the corridors with her wings unfurled. She left the ground and flapped her wings all the way towards the front door of her castle, hoping to find some answers about what had unfurled while she was asleep.
When she opened the doors wide and made it closer towards the town, she saw that it wasn't just the flying contraptions that were brand new. Parading down the streets of Ponyville were large, blue, robust machines with large nozzles, decorated with blue coats of paint and rainbow stripes by the front and ends for decoration. Beneath the stripes, the devices moved on caterpillar tracks, turning effortlessly as they moved onto the next road. In addition, the streets had been lined with banners. Blue outlines with black stripes and Rainbow Dash's cutie mark hanging at the top of each.
"Okay. Now THAT was definitely not there the last time I saw Ponyville." Twilight grumbled to herself, then found herself diving underneath another flying machine, being blown away by the air displaced by it. When she regained her balance and composure, she glared back at the device and flew towards the streets, where Applejack and Rarity could be seen walking towards a nearby fountain.
"Applejack! Rarity!" Twilight flew down towards the both of them and landed just as another of the machines rushed by over her head. "What in Equestria is going on here? And what in the world are those... those things?!"
"What do ya mean what's going on?" Applejack asked, then noticed what Twilight was pointing too and only chuckled. "Oh. Right. That."
"Darling, it's nothing to be concerned about, really. Our friend is just making sure that our little village is safe from any and all future threats, Tirek-level or otherwise. And since we cannot rely on our own strength to fight back all the time, she created these as back-ups in the worst-case scenario." Rarity just gave Twilight a smile. "Plus, I do admit while they look rather... garish, we did lend a hoof in constructing them. Personally, the rainbow touches were my idea, given that we want to appear friendly, while also brave and powerful."
"Wh-wh-what?! Why in the world did Mayor Mare even approve of these things?!" Twilight, flabbergasted by the sight of the machines as another one came rolling down the streets, silencing her and the others around her. Once it left, she resumed her little tirade. "I-I-I... I just woke up and this is what it's to?"
"Hoo boy. Well, I'm sure that you'll see the method to this little madness soon enough. Head on down to City Hall." Applejack pointed her hoof towards the unchanged, still standing dome building at the heart of Ponyville, surrounded by more of the machines. "You'll have all yer questions answered there and many more besides."
"Yes, darling. There's no use moving onto a shared Ponyville if not everyone wants to share. We wouldn't want to have you left out of the loop now, would we?" Rarity turned towards City Hall as well. "But I must warn you, Twilight. If you're already gobsmacked and lost for words, then you'll be even more when you see who's running this whole show."
"Running this whole show? A friend? With all those banners with Rainbow Dash's Cutie Mark on them, I think I've got a pretty good idea on who's behind it already..." Twilight, with her face contorted and twisted into a whirl of emotions that were impossible to properly describe.
"Have a wonderful day, Twilight!" Rarity waved Twilight off as she soared for City Hall, leaving behind a small contrail with her hair. After she left her field of sight, Rarity and Applejack trotted off on their merry way down the streets of Ponyville once again.
Twilight arrived at the doors of City Hall. Apart from the exterior where there were more banners of Rainbow Dash's cutie mark and more of the machines guarding the building, nothing else was different structurally. As Twilight went into City Hall, again, nothing else had changed on the inside. Everything was spookily normal in contrast to the world outside. Well, except for the amount of ponies working there, that was.
Average ponies off the street were working at the reception, with some more serving as guards for the mayor's office. A few more pegasi stood guard above, looking down on Twilight as she walked towards the reception. None of them had any special outfits, none of them looked similar to each other, none of them were regimented in any sort of way from what Twilight could see, and it all looked like they were commoners plucked off the streets to aid in times of crisis.
"Uh... hi there." Twilight rubbed the back of her neck when she arrived at the receptionist's deck. "My name is Twilight Sparkle. Princess of Friendship? I'm here to see... whoever's running this place at the moment."
The receptionist pony looked up from the desk and said. "Oh? You mean... her?" Her face started to blush. "I'm... so sorry to let you know this, but I'm afraid the pony in charge of this whole thing is pretty busy at the moment. Having unified all of Ponyville under one banner, you can imagine that she's got a lot of things to be responsible for."
"Well, I'm one of her closest friends. I'm sure that I could be able to get in if she just saw my face." Twilight looked towards the door of the mayor's office. "Can't you at least let her know that someone called Twilight Sparkle is here? She'd react pretty quickly."
"Miss, I'd love to tell you that's exactly what I'd want to do, but the leader's schedule is packed. Not only does she have to attend the Wonderbolts show as a flier, but she also has to organise the parade of jets and tanks later on today." The receptionist went back to typing away. "I'm dreadfully sorry, Twilight Sparkle, but it's out of my hooves, so to speak."
Suddenly, the door opened, with Rainbow Dash trudging out of it. Regular old Rainbow Dash, but now with a unique hat that made her look like an army captain. With an intricate stitching pattern that ran around the entirity of the hat with a faint logo just above it. When she saw Twilight, a big smile ran across her face.
"Twilight! How's it hanging?" She asked as she gleefully tackled Twilight and tousled her mane.
"R-Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked as she felt her mane get brushed left, right, and a whole manner of ways before she was finally able to get her words out. "What in the hay's going on here? What's all this stuff about tanks and jets?"
"Oh? You didn't hear? Ponyville's totally changed up for the better. Why don't you take a walk into my office and I'll explain everything as much as I can." Rainbow Dash stood Twilight back up, wrapped one of her wings around Twilight's back and walked her into the office.
The office, again, looked harrowingly natural in comparison to what had been going on outside. A desk with documents and an inkwell was there, the bookcase walls were filled with books, and there was a clear view out towards Ponyville for everyone inside to see. The only differences were that instead of Mayor Mare sitting at the desk, now Rainbow Dash was sitting there. And in addition, Pinkie and Fluttershy closed the doors behind Twilight and Rainbow Dash when they were out of the door's reach.
"Alright. So, I know you have a lot of questions, but that's totally fine. It's hard for ponies to cope with a little bit of change to the norm," Rainbow Dash started, leaning over the desk as Twilight reluctantly took her seat on the other side of the desk. "Well, ever since Sombra destroyed the Tree of Harmony and the Elements along with it, I've had some time to think. And... truth be told, our friendship's not enough to keep Ponyville safe. I mean, when you get down to the finer points, all that we really are is a town full of farmers, markets, and other such rural stuff. Kinda lame on the self-defense front when you think about it."
"Lame? But Ponyville's natural farm-like place is what makes it beautiful. And a far cry from anything like Saddle Arabia or Manehatten..." Twilight cocked a brow.
"True, true, but just like Rarity and her fashion dresses, it looks good, yeah, but what else does it do? What can it offer for the ponies around them? The answer? Nothing! Nada! Nil! Zip! Zilch!" Rainbow Dash smacked her hoof against the desk. "If Ponyville does have another Tirek or Sombra-level crisis, then we're all pretty much doomed. And trust me. The Magic of Friendship isn't just gonna work all the time, so on the off time that it doesn't, this is a pretty good alternative.
"Now. I suppose that you're wondering how in the heck I was able to get all of this stuff working properly." Rainbow lifted her very same hoof off the table when Twilight opened her mouth to speak, silencing her in an instant. "Well, last night, when you were doing that study on the stars in the night sky, I had a little bit of a secret meeting with everyone else in the town and came up with this new idea where, instead of everypony works for themselves, everypony now works for everypony. There's no richest pony in town anymore, no poorest pony in town anymore. Everyone's bits are shared, everyone's work is shared, everyone's picking up each other's slack."
"I... I just... How in the name of Celestia above does that even work?" Twilight stammered with her words as she tried to piece the whole thing together.
"Pretty obviously, duh. Dashie's new rules of community-ism mean that Ponyville's now the most super-friendly and super-well-organised town in the whole of Equestria!" Pinkie Pie blurted out from the background with a large smile spanning both of her cheeks. "She's completely cut down the barriers between ponies, she's giving everyone a job in the case that they lose their real jobs and can't afford things anymore, and she's created an economy where everypony can contribute and get good things out of it. It's like a birthday party where everyone gets presents!"
"And... um, actually, having everyone work for everyone's been a pretty big benefit for me too." Fluttershy raised a hoof. "Sure, they don't exactly know how to properly care for animals like I do, but there's nothing wrong in giving them a little push in the right direction." She gave off a smaller, yet sweeter smile.
"But what about the ethics of it all? You can't just have everyone doing everything like this. Surely, some ponies aren't gonna be as good at it as others are? You're adding too many cooks to every broth under the sun!" Twilight threw her hooves outward.
"Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. Before this, we were a pretty crooked Ponyville." Rainbow Dash walked over and massaged Twilight's shoulders. "Think about it. Everypony's bit rates were ridiculous in comparison to some of the others. And while we did match everyone to their right jobs, it felt kinda like everyone was all in it for themselves. Whereas here, when everypony lends helping hands out to each other, we get to do everything much faster, with much more success and with much more time on our hooves to chillax, play around, and just be ourselves."
"Yeah. And those super-big and super-powerful tanks outside? That's the result of unicorn magic, earth pony strength, and a little bit of pegasus smarts." Pinkie winked to Rainbow, who winked back at her.
"But what about those jets? They're really big, they smell like exhaust fumes, and they look rather unnecessary to me." Twilight rolled her eyes as a jet rushed by the office.
"They're a back-up air force for if the pegasus ponies get totally overwhelmed." Rainbow brushed her shoulders down. "I mean, c'mon, Twilight. What much can pegasi do apart from kick things and run into monsters? Plus, those jets have weapons on them, so if anything, the pegasi are the back-up air force now. Well... except for me, because I'm just awesome enough that I don't need something like that to fight bad guys."
"I can't believe you're doing this, Rainbow. I just can't believe that out of everyone, you're causing all this trouble for Ponyville!" Twilight spread her wings wide. "I happen to know for a fact that Mayor Mare is not benefitting from any of this now that you've somehow managed to throw her off of the mayor job that she has as her NAME for Celestia's sake! Now she's just gonna be called Mare!"
"See, that's what you'd believe, but you'd be wrong on that front. In a sense, Mayor Mare's still the mayor. In fact, all of us are the mayor now. We all make the decisions when one of us is out of the office. Because, let's be real, somepony needs to keep things running smoothly when the head honcho isn't there to fill out orders." Rainbow Dash just chuckled to herself. "So, what I've done is created a real important inner circle of ponies that I can trust to handle Ponyville while I'm out of office. And of all of them, Mayor Mare's the closest to me in said circle." When Rainbow Dash saw Twilight's jaw drop, she could only pat her on the back. "Ah, come on, Twilight. Look at it this way. Thanks to me, Ponyville's totally safe and nothing bad's ever gonna happen to it ever again. And before you compare me to Starlight with that whole equality schtick, it's NOTHING like that. Everypony can still be themselves while helping everyone out with their work."
"Mmhmm. And everypony's getting tons of help in learning new magic spells or better managing their work. Starlight's teaching all the unicorns how to use stronger spells, Applejack's giving everyone some seminars on time management and physical labour. And Rainbow Dash and I volunteer to help pegasi become potential Wonderbolts. We're all for Rainbow's community-istic ways here." Fluttershy nodded. "And no, before you ask, I'm not being paid or influenced to say any of these things. I genuinely from my heart agree that Rainbow Dash's ideas are going to help Ponyville become a wonderful place to live with tons of ponies helping each other out."
"Also, when you think about it, we're all community-ist for each other. We've all dabbled in this kinda stuff before, Twilight." Pinkie lifted a hoof. "Applejack needed all of our help to get rid of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, Fluttershy needed everyone's help with the Breezies when they came around to Ponyville, Applejack needed us all to handle the fruit bat situation in her orchards, I've needed everypony's help with setting up a number of different occasions, Rainbow Dash needed all of our teachings to even pass the bar exam to become a Wonderbolt in the first place, and don't even get me started on all the times we've had to help you for everyone's benefit, Twilight. I'd go as far as to say that we've all been totally community-istic since we became friends and no amount of cupcakes, cake batter, and other such delicious goodies are gonna change my thoughts on that."
"But it's completely throwing Ponyville democracy on it's head! Not to mention, completely undercutting everything around it!" Twilight's hooves became a whirlwind with how much she shook them around her. "No amount of words you send at me or try to convince me that your way is the best is gonna have my mind changed. I still firmly believe in Equestrian democracy and capitalism and want to give my best to help everyone without them breaking their backs over it..."
"Well, it's your loss then." Rainbow Dash shrugged and walked back over to the door. "Oh, and by the way, the work's completely voluntary for ponies that don't have that job as their main export, oh ye of little faith." Rainbow stopped and waited for Pinkie and Fluttershy to re-open the door. "Now, I've gotta jet for a while, but in the meantime, Mayor Mare's in charge. Since you're so worried about her, I'm putting her back on the office. That's what you wanted, right?" She left the office behind, allowing Mayor Mare to waltz back in and reassume her position at the desk where Rainbow Dash once sat.
"And she's just... I mean that's... I can't even..." Twilight, at a complete loss for words felt her brain melt down into sludge. Groaning to herself, she fainted with a hoof over her forehead. The ideals that Rainbow Dash had done for Equestria, warping it into what it was and how vapidly everything seemed to change was far too much for her to comprehend; especially since her friends were entirely in agreement with Rainbow's words.
"Ya think we should wake her up?" Pinkie asked, looking over the mentally devastated Twilight. "I mean, we totally should because she's our bestest friend ever, but she didn't look like she handled it all that well."
"Oh, give her some time, Fluttershy. The girl's just experiencing a little bit of shock from all of this." Fluttershy just patted Twilight's head as she let the alicorn slumber. "I'm sure that, by the time she wakes up, everything will feel completely right to her again..."
