Nearly shaking with excitement, you opened the door to your studio apartment. It had been a lengthy experience, that convention. Given the above-average attendance, you'd spent an inordinate amount of time waiting around in lines. However, it had been worth it. Especially considering the huge haul of pony swag you'd purchased, which you were currently lugging in on your back. Your very sore back. God, you were out of shape.
Still, you had plenty of time to rest, now. And, you noted with a smile, you had the pièce de résistance of your merch pile to help with that: a dakimakura pillow of Anonfilly. She was simply too precious. You'd just needed to snatch her up for yourself.
Setting down your backpack on the floor, and the glorious pillow on your bed, you quickly went to the bathroom to wash your face. It wouldn't do to get your new best friend all dirty with sweat, at least not at first.
However, just as you turned off the sink, you heard a shocked, high-pitched gasp coming from your bedroom. Freezing, your confusion quickly gave way to curiosity. Eh, it was probably nothing. Still, you leaned out from behind the doorframe to see what, or who, had caused the noise.
Your eyes were surely deceiving you. Because it they weren't, that would mean that you were sitting on the bed, right where the daki had been. You watched you stare at your green, equine form in dawning horror, muzzle hanging open. Then, you turned to face the bathroom and met your eyes, squeaking.
"Holy shit, there I am!" both of you exclaimed simultaneously.
As a grin slowly spread across your face, you stepped fully back out of the bathroom. Meanwhile, your pupils dilated in dawning horror, and you scrambled back on your tiny hooves. "Oh god, this can't be happening!"
"What are you saying?" you asked. "This is the best thing that could have happened! I... er, you... we have been secretly wishing for this to happen for years!"
"And that's the problem!" you declared, your filly voice cracking. "I know that, but what about me?" Here, you gestured to your transformed, fictional-until-moments-ago body. "I didn't actually want to be Anonfilly! Especially knowing what you have planned!"
At this, you wilted a bit. Surely you couldn't be saying...? "So, you wouldn't be up for sleeping with me? In either sense?"
Your brow furrowed in contempt. "Of course not! I'm disgusting!" You gestured with a leg to all of you. "The body fat, the body hair, the greasy skin... it's no wonder we're a virgin post-college."
You knew your self-esteem wasn't the best, but damn if it didn't stink to hear the truth spoken aloud. You sagged. "But you have body hair too, now."
"It's not the same and we both know it. My hair is fuzzy and soft. Yours is just scraggly and uncomfortable."
"Okay, now you're just being unreasonable," you said, crossing your perfectly fine, human arms.
"On the contrary, I think I'm being perfectly reasonable, given the circumstances!" you declared. Then, you shook your head, your black mane waving about. "It all makes sense now, from the outside looking on."
Your breast filled with dread. "Please don't say it," you begged. But it was halfhearted. You knew what you were about to say. You'd pushed it down into your unconscious where it wouldn't disrupt your fragile ego. But no longer.
"You're a narcissist and a pedophile," you uttered, with grim gravitas befitting a pony three times your physical age. "The only reason you haven't been arrested yet is because, like everybody else lurking in the dark corners of the MLP fandom, you don't actually have the guts to try anything with a real child. Or a real pony, I guess."
You collapsed to the ground, choking back a sob. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you tried to maintain some small shred of dignity and failed, breaking down into silent tears. Each drop that ran down your face through your shut eyes was an admission of guilt, a shard of weakness cracking loose.
You'd lost track of the passage of time until you felt a warm touch on your back. Eyes snapping open, you beheld yourself, now off of the bed, patting you with a hoof. You smiled up in sympathy. "That's it, let it out. Once you admit you have a problem, we can begin to correct it."
"H-How?" you asked. "I'm too lazy and lack the strength of will for any sort of rehab."
At this, you nodded. "I know. We just need a different vice to saturate our soul instead, one less illegal." You tapped a hoof in thought. "Maybe some regular porn, for once? Like, with 3D women?"
Groaning, you pulled away. "Real girls are so boring, though."
"I mean, yeah. Nothing we pick will be as good, but there's no alternative save accepting our huge moral impurity," you confirmed. "Ponies are dope." Then, you cocked your head to the side, likely pondering the finer details of your new nature.
This was true, you realized, your words sinking in. Weaning yourself off of pony stuff was going to require a major new passion. Perhaps another cartoon? Excellent ones were so difficult to find these days, like finding a needle in a haystack. Not worth the effort. But what alternatives were there? Running on empty, rather than flip yourself off in building frustration, you decided to just ask. "What exactly am I supposed to do, then?"
With a shrug, you plopped your plot back onto the bed, fumbling with the sheets. "Eh, we can figure things out later. All I know is that I actually can't go outside anymore, or I'll be caught by the feds and dissected over at Area 51." Tucking yourself in, you smiled slyly. "Looks like you're gonna have to go to work for the both of us from now on. Oh, and you can sleep on the floor."
God dammit, was this really happening? Were you being relegated to the low, low state of a submissive errand boy by yourself? All because you were foolish enough to buy what some would consider a slightly creepy character pillow? Did you really have it in you to stoop that low?
"Hey, while you're still up, grab me some Cheetos," you demanded. "I could use a bedtime snack. I'm not quite sure how to stick things to my hooves, yet, so you'll have to feed me."
Fuck, you were that much of an asshole. Fantastic.
Author's Note
Inspired by my time at the last Bronycon, where I actually saw a pillowcase akin to the one pictured above for sale. Figured I was bound to hop onto the Anonfilly bandwagon at some point. Just don't take this too seriously, you guys know I love you to death.
