Dear Fluttershy,
I just can't stand it anymore. The pain, the torture, the falseness of it all. It can't handle it anymore. It hurts too much. So, I leave this note for you.
Meeting you was the best, and worst thing to ever happen to me. I can't believe I ever met someone as kind, as beautiful, as caring as you. Every time I get to hang out with you, I'm always smiling. When I'm mad, or sad, or upset in anyway, you're always there to help me feel better. I don't know why, but just being in your presence is enough to make all of my problems go away. Every time we hang out, even when we're just hanging out at my place, we always have such a great time. I'll show you funny videos on my computer, and you'll start dying of laughter, all while we're cuddled up next to one another. It's great, and it's given me something to look forward to every week.
Even though you always complain when I buy you food and drinks and small gifts, I do it for a reason. The food and drinks are just so we don't get hungry or thirsty while hanging out, but this gifts are to see you smile. Now seeing you smile, isn't a rarity or anything. Not even close, but I love seeing you smile. There's just something about your smile that always makes my heart skip a beat. Seeing you smile, makes me smile. Remember when we went up to the mountains together, and I bought you that stuffed koala. I originally got it for myself, but I decided to give it to you after buying it. I knew you would complain about me wasting my money on you, but what happened after that is why I keep on getting you stuff. When you started cuddling up to the koala, I noticed how happy you were. Then when we stopped by your place, to drop off your stuff before coming to my house, you brought the koala with you back to the car. And you continued to cuddle with it. Thinking about how happy you looked then, meant the world to me. And I'd do anything to see you like that again. But instead of an item that makes you feel like that, I want to be the pony who makes you feel like that. I want to see you like that, everyday of our lives, and I'd give anything to see it. I'd even give up my own two wings, just to see you like that with me.
Remember earlier how I said meeting you was the best and worst thing to happen to me. Well, now it's time for the bad things. Everything I said up to this point is 100% true. And that's where the problem lies. I know that you won't be mine. I know your eyes are set on someone else, but I can't get over you. I want to be the one who gets to see your beautiful face every morning. I want to be the one who gets to make you dinner every day; be the one who comes home from a long day at work and gets to see you. All these wants and desires for you swim in my head constantly and I can't get rid of them. And I always seem like I'm getting closer and closer to being yours, but then there's always something that happens and I feel like I'm thrown all the way back to step one.
I know because of your past relationships, you can't fall in love with someone. I respect that; I really do. But I know that I can be the closest thing to that, and I want to be. I know you said that I'm your best friend, and I'm happy about that. I really, truly am, but you also said that you didn't know what he was on your scale of friendship. And then you said that he was most likely your boyfriend. That took everything from me. The fact that he's not even here anymore, but you still consider him to be your boyfriend. That hurt, really badly.
I know that you consider best friendship to be more important than, dating, but if I can't date you, then that means I won't be able to wake up next to you one day. I won't be able to do all these things that I want to do.
I know I play everything off as cool, and awesome. But truth be told, my life is hard. My life hurts, and is painful. Everyday, I wake up and I'm am tortured. Not physically, but mentally. In some way, I'm always tortured. Now I'm asexual, so all of my sexual desires are turned into romantic desires. All I want is romance, and I want to share that romance with someone. That's how it's been since the day I was born, and that may sound like a blessing. But truth be told it's a curse. All I want is someone to love, and everyday my mind throws these thoughts into my head on how to love someone. Romantic gestures, dates, things to say, etc. All of that is pumped into my brain from my heart. But I have no one to share it with.
You keep saying that I'll find somepony someday, but I know that I won't. Besides, ponies hurt other ponies. They're rude, they don't care how other ponies think or feel. They just do what they want, and that is that. But you're so different. You care about all of your friends. And despite all that you've been through, you've come out so amazing. So kind, gentle, beautiful. Words can't even describe it. I love you, Fluttershy, but you don't love me. You don't love anypony, and that's okay. But you're giving yourself to him. I'm sorry to say this, but he's gone. He left. He knows how you are with abandonment, but he chose to leave anyways. Despite not wanting to go at all, he chose the path he did, over being with an amazing mare like you.
I want to be here for you Fluttershy, but I can't keep dealing with these feelings that aren't going to go anywhere. I don't care if we ever have sex, or hell I don't even care if we never kiss. I just want what we had when we were technically dating. If I can have that, with the knowledge that I am yours, and you are mine, then I'll be perfectly happy. I don't want to give up our time together, or the cuddling/hand holding. I don't want to give any of that up, but if you are going to claim him as your coltfriend, then what am I supposed to do? I don't want to give up what we have, because that will kill me. But if this keeps happening, and you consider him your coltfriend, then it's just going to be more emotional torture for me. Please don't feel too bad about this though. You aren't the direct cause for my emotional torture. This has been happening to me, ever since I learned the concept of love. So it's not your fault. But please Fluttershy. Please realize, he's not here anymore, but I am. And I will always be. But if this keeps going on like this, then it will literally kill me. I can't handle the emotional torture anymore. It's too painful. I just want to be yours.
----Love
Rainbow Dash
