Chapters Minato Namikaze: Yondaime Hokage, Yellow Flash, Husband to Kushina Uzumaki, Student of Jiraiya, Sensei of Kakashi Hatake and two KIA students, officially a father as of now, and a few other things. While he certainly was proud of many things in his life, he wasn't too proud to admit he was confused and possibly made a mistake the size of the Hokage Mountain. Now, Minato had never seen the Shinigami, which he was thankful for, so he had no idea of what it really looked like, but he doubted this was it. Though, he had rushed the seal a little, so there was a chance that this was NOT a death god at all.
What it was, he had no idea. It was chimeric, made of at least a dozen different animals. It had a long, serpentine body that was at least fifteen feet from head to red scaled tail with spikes along the spine. Its hind legs consisted of one chestnut colored bull leg while the other was a lime green dragon palm with an opposable thumb. From above the tail to the start of its long neck, it had a had a rich shade of brown fur covering its slender form. On its back was a purple leathery wing and a blue feathered one, both relatively small to the rest of its body. For forelimbs, it sported a lion's paw and an eagle's claw. Its long craned neck and head were covered in grey fur with a black horse mane. Its somewhat equine head was adorned with two different horns, a white deer horn and a blue horn that might have been a ram's, along with a snaggletooth sticking out of its mouth. The thick eyebrows and goatee were solid white, giving the creature an aged appearance.
It just floated there, as if gravity didn't even acknowledge its existence while it slowly twisted and turned in the air, stroking its beard with its eagle claw, looking very confused and interested at the same time. It turned, looking at Minato with his dying wife and new born child right behind him. Those yellow orbs with different sized crimson eyes did have a very attention grabbing quality, even with the rest of the creature to consider.
Just by the look of it, Minato decided to dub the creature a he- if only to stop thinking of it as an it and to never relate that face to anything female- and he looked at Minato with a very curious expression. He spoke, but not in any tongue the Hokage had ever heard, "...I'm sorry, what did you say, Kami-Sama?" Minato asked sheepishly.
"Are you sure that's a Kami, Minato?" Kushina asked weakly, holding Naruto with one hand while the other pressed against the ground, her chakra chains barely holding down the Kyuubi for the time being.
The creature blinked as its eyes gained a look of understanding...before he pulled his tongue out to an overly comical length and letting it snap back into his mouth, his eyes spinning like a slot machine. After a moment of shocked and uncertain staring from the married couple, the eyes stopped with a celebratory bing-bing-bing sounding from nowhere as the eyes stopped and revealed the kanji for "Japanese", or rather Nihongo, in his eyes. He then proceeded to blink his eyes back to normal and grin at that, "Sorry, had to get my tongue adjusted, Little Ningen," He informed with a chuckle, hands on his hips- or where they would be if his body was shorter.
"...Are you the Shinigami?" Minato asked in disbelief.
""Death God?" Oh, no no no, my good sir!" He denied dramatically, waving his hands in front of him, "I am "Discord," or Muchitsujo in your tongue," He explained proudly.
"...So, does that mean you're the god of Chaos and Confusion?" Kushina asked weakly.
Discord hummed in interest as he looked over to her before locking onto the baby in her arms. Next thing Kushina knew, Discord's head and arms popped over from behind her shoulders, 'I never even saw him move!' Minato thought in shock and awe, almost feeling like his title as the Yellow Flash was being challenged.
"Oh, and does this little bundle of joy belong to you two?" Discord asked with an amused tone, one eagle arm over Kushina's shoulder and the lion's making a tickling gesture at the infant...then he blinked as he felt something unusual, something he wasn't used to feeling.
The sensation of someone truly and utterly wanting to kill him.
He rose an eyebrow as he looked into the glaring eyes of Kushina Uzumaki, focusing the intent to kill and daring him to harm a single hair on her baby's golden head. Kushina might never know the impact this one gesture had on the future of her world, how much that one motherly act impressed the opinion of a mad god.
The Lord of Discord looked to Minato out of the corner of his eye, keeping the other on Kushina. Discord saw the kunai in his hand, the glare in his blue eyes, felt the blasphemous intent to strike at a god that would lay a hand upon his family.
"Humans, how interesting," Discord muttered to himself in Equestrian as he grinned lazily and brought himself out from behind Kushina and switched back to Nihongo, "Hmm, I think I'm going to enjoy this world," He commented with a smirk at the night sky.
The two looked at him warily before Kushina gasped and hissed just as the sound of creaking metal filled the air, Kyuubi roaring as it finally broke from its restraints. Minato looked behind him in light shock while Discord just rose an eyebrow at the giant fox, "I take it this furball is why you were looking for a Shinigami?" The spirit of disharmony asked, clearly unimpressed.
"Muchitsujo-Sama!" Minato yelled with a desperate scowl on his face, "I know you're not the one I intended to summon, but please, will you help us?!" He asked quickly.
Discord's eyebrow shot up for a moment at the request before smirking coolly, "What's your name, Ningen?" He asked in amusement.
"Minato Namikaze, Yondaime Hokage of Konohagakure!" He answered without hesitation, even as he heard and sensed what had to be the Kyuubi charging a Bijuu Bomb.
"Then, Minato Namikaze, I have only two words to say to you...," Discord said ominously, trailing off while he raised his eagle claw slowly as the mass of dark purple chakra grew smaller and denser, "...Wish granted!" Discord declared with a snap of his finger.
*POP!*
The Bijuu Bomb, one of the greatest destructive abilities in all of Shinobi history literally popped in the face of Kyuubi...and exploded in a massive amount of pink bubble gum.
All of the ninjas stared in slack-jawed disbelief as the greatet of the nine stood there, stunned as it was covered in pink goop form its mouth down to its front legs and back to the feet of its hind legs. It comically tried to pull and thrash against the substance but only succeeded in shaking the ground and getting itself more stuck. It finally stopped in defeat when five of its tails tips were trapped in the sticky material, slouching down and whining in humiliation and confusion at its rather bizarre defeat.
"...You just defeated the Kyuubi no Kitsune with fucking bubble gum," Kushina said with a strained grin.
"Yes, yes I did. Not that it means anything to me, having never met a six tails, let alone a nine tails," Discord answered idly, giving a stage bow for his performance nonetheless.
"Um...not exactly what I had intended, but thanks all the same, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato said awkwardly, "...Do you mind waiting until we have the Kyuubi sealed again before you take my soul?" He requested sheepishly.
"Hmm? What's this about your soul?" Discord asked with a tilt of the head, which kept on turning until it was back in its original position.
Minato blinked but shook it off, "It's just that...well, when I was trying to summon the Shinigami, I was working under the assumption it would cost me my soul- I kind of assumed that that still applied," Minato explained, wondering if he might actually get out of this alive on top of everything else.
"Well, I appreciate the offer, but I have no desire or need for a soul," Discord said dismissively with his arms crossed, "Still, I guess I could use a payment for services rendered,"" He commented offhandedly.
"And what would that be?" Minato asked curiously, wondering what a God capable of defeating the Kyuubi with a snap of his fingers could possibly want with him if not his very soul.
Discord hummed as his eyes settled on the mother and newborn, "...There are three things I want at this exact moment," Discord said in an unusually serious voice as he floated over to Kushina, "First off, I want you..." He said, letting it hang as Kushina and Minato tensed, "...to not die," He finished with a grin as he snapped his fingers again.
Kushina blinked as she looked down at her body, feeling herself over with her free hand, "...I'm healed?" She questioned to no one in numb shock. And despite not being no one, Discord nodded in assurance, "YATTA! I'M GOING TO LIVE! YOU HEAR THAT NARU-CHAN!? KAA-SAN ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE!" Kushina cheered for joy, spinning in delight as she held up her baby boy, who giggled cutely at his mother's happiness.
Minato looked on in amazement and happiness that he suppressed half out of suspicion and half just because the shocks were making him numb to the situation, "And...and the other two things you want?" Minato asked slowly.
Discord still watched Kushina for a moment before tapping her shoulder, getting her immediate attention, "...May I hold him?" He asked with a toothy smile.
Both parents looked surprised by that, sharing confused looks. Before, Kushina had been protective and suspicious of this strange being. Now, he had just saved her home, her family, and her life. And now he was asking to hold her baby...? "Umm, sure, just be careful," Kushina answered uneasily as she slowly held out her son.
Discord just grinned as he took the child into his paw and claw. The babe stirred a bit unhappily at the change in holder before opening his bright eyes to look up at the Draconequus. Red eyes met blue, chaos met innocence, and omnipotence met potential.
Naruto Uzumaki giggled as his little arms reached out to grab the tangling goatee, completely unafraid of the strange creature that held him.
Discord grinned in an odd, knowing way as his beard slipped out of the toddler's hands before handing him back to his mother who was all too eager to have her son back in general, regardless of who or what was holding him, "Ahem, now onto that third thing...?" Discord reminded with a smirk as he looked at the Hokage. Minato wasn't sure if he liked that look.
Timeskip
"WHAT!?"
If it wasn't for Hiruzen Sarutobi being among the council of elders, Minato would have been all too tempted to disband them and pick newer ones, if only because he didn't like those three shoving their years of experience in his face whenever he disagreed with them.
Still, he took great joy in seeing Koharu and Homura going slack jawed at his explanation, "We summoned the wrong god," He informed sheepishly. Hokage or not, there was no way to say that without feeling awkward.
"How do you...summon the wrong god?!" Koharu asked in disbelief.
"Wrong or not, it seemed to have gotten the job done," Sarutobi commented with a smirk.
"Unconventional as it was, I am forced to agree," Danzo admitted evenly, "Yondaime-Sama, the Shinigami was going to take your soul. What did this god demand?...And why bubblegum?" Danzo asked, resisting the urge to glare at the briefly snickering Sarutobi.
"This...Kami had a most unusual request, but one that I can't see as a negative yet," Minato explained slowly, purposefully ignoring the other question.
"Well, don't keep us in suspense, Mina-Kun?" Sarutobi asked with a smirk.
"Oh, I just wanted to move into this quaint village of yours."
Minato sighed deeply as three of the four retired ninja held kunai in Discord's direction, who was laying on a couch (that had never been there) while spit polishing...Danzo's cane, who blinked as he found it gone.
The four took in the sight of the creature with wide eyes, having trouble just processing its design at first, "Is that a friendly greeting in these parts?" Discord asked in amusement, returning to his task of making the cane shine, rubbing his tail tip over it.
"Depends on the person, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato answered simply, tired yet amused.
"Oh? I'll have to find those then," Discord said with a massive grin.
"Hokage-Sama, THIS is the god you summoned?" Homura asked tensely.
"Yes, and he also defeated the Kyuubi in an instant," Minato pointed out, as if making it clear how stupid they were to threaten their guest.
"Well, you certainly got an interesting one, if nothing else," Sarutobi mused with a raised eyebrow.
"I knew the monkey would like me," Discord said with a chuckle as he spun the cane, very rapidly, before stopping it. He then tossed it in Danzo's direction, causing it to float at a sedate pace to the war hawk.
The one-eyed elder took it cautiously, eyeing the chimera with a scowl, "Where are my guards?"
"I was about to ask the same thing," Minato added in with a scowl, "I never got a chance to inform the ANBU about him before coming here."
"Oh, you mean theeeeeese~?" Discord asked teasingly, holding out a glass jar with tiny air holes in the lid...and filled with several black clothed and white masked humans, in miniature, scurrying around their confines and running up the walls, but unable to escape for some reason, "I thought they were thieves or something. I was going to turn them over to you after this, Nato-Kun," Discord explained casually, even as everyone stared at him in shock.
"You...you shrunk them?" Koharu asked in disbelief.
"Ningen, so easily impressed," Discord teased with a grin as he tossed the jar over the heads of the seniors in the room, into a worried Minato's arms, "Just break it when we're done, they'll be normal sized after that," He informed casually.
"Umm, right," Minato said awkwardly, placing it on his desk, the tiny ANBU squeaking for their leader to help them, "Just...sit tight for a moment," He requested with a sigh as he turned back to the god in his office, "Please refrain from shrinking my ninja in the future, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato requested.
"I told you, I thought they were thieves! I was just looking out for my new friend," Discord defended with an innocent look and a halo above his head.
Everyone rose an eyebrow at that, Danzo going as far as to tap the golden ring with his cane...making it fall off and down one side, landing on the couch as the light sputtered out, causing the chaotic being to cross his arms and pout, "You broke my halo," He complained childishly to Danzo.
The leader of ROOT had no response to that.
"Muchitsujo-Sama, was it?" Sarutobi spoke up, smiling in welcome and in amusement over his old comrade's reactions, "Bring us back to the subject at hand, you wish to live among us mortals?"
"Said the God of Shinobi," Discord countered in amusement, "But, yes, I have been on the hunt for a more accommodating home. Low and behold, Nato-kun accidentally summoned me to this quaint little dimension and...well, I'm not one to turn down Chaos giving me such a boon," he explained casually.
"...There are so many questions that rise from that answer," Homura stated warily.
"Most pertinent is a clarification: While we deeply appreciate you for subduing the Kyuubi, what exactly are your demands as far as "moving in" as you put it, Muchitsujo-Sama?" Sarutobi inquired diplomatically, his old teammates sharing a look, pondering what it would cost to build a home or shrine great enough to satisfy such a being.
"Oh, mainly just you Ningen having to get used to my wonderful personality and sense of humor," Discord answered with a smile that was both benign and disturbing, before smirking at them. "Money has no meaning for me, and luxury, while a nice sentiment, is little better. Still, I would need some space to myself: You all have a particularly chaotic place nearby I can use?" he asked playfully, not really expecting an answer.
"...Well, there's the Forest of Death?" Minato suggested offhandedly.
The God of Chaos blinked, catching their attention. "This place has one of those too?" he asked,stroking his beard. "Odd coincidence."
"Hmm? What do you mean, Muchitsujo-Sama?" Minato inquired curiously.
"Oh, it's nothing, just some place from the world I came from had a dark, so-called unnatural forest that was the subject of many scary stories, and was right next to a small town," he explained.
The Hokage and elders thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Yes, that does sound like the Forest of Death," Koharu murmured.
"If I may speak, Kami-Sama?" Danzo started stoically.
"If I opposed, you'd have already known," Discord granted as he leaned back in the couch, summoning a golden goblet to drink a green and black swirled slushie through a katana-shaped straw.
Reacting as little to the madness before him as possible, Danzo continued. "While thanks are due, I must inquire as to what became of the Kyuubi. It simply...vanished not long after it was...trapped."
"And all the gum too, thankfully," Minato murmured in relief.
"You're welcome, Nato-kun," Discord said with a too-sincere grin, the colors fading from his drink as he sucked, but the drink itself never getting reduced in volume. He paused, giving a wry look to the war hawk. "Don't worry, I sent the furball somewhere it won't bother you all."
The room got uncomfortably quiet, to Discord's amusement and delight. "With respect, Muchitsujo-Sama, we need to seal that creature," Homura stated warily.
"Hmm?" Discord stopped, peering at the elders with a furrowed brow before slowly giving a dark smirk. "Ohh, I see now. You want to use Niney as a weapon."
"A deterrent, actually," Sarutobi spoke up diplomatically. "It is not the only one of its kind, Kami-Sama; the other eight are divided among other shinobi villages."
"Mutually Assured Destruction," Discord summarized with a giggle; as if he found it a childishly amusing game. He tossed the goblet behind himself offhandedly as it dissolved into lines and colors before disappearing in midair. "The fox stays with me, Ningen."
'Genjutsu?' the elder ninja wondered in confusion, unable to sense the illusion in any form.
Koharu and Homura grimaced at that while Danzo scowled slightly. Sarutobi just looked curious. "Was that part of this arrangement, Minato-Kun?" he inquired curiously.
"No," Discord admitted with a chuckle. "But that was when I was under the impression that claiming my new pet wouldn't be an issue."
"And it won't be," Minato assured firmly, to even Discord's surprise.
"Hokage-Sama, that is not a decision to make lightly!" Koharu interjected in outrage.
"I'm not," Minato answered, giving her an even, level smirk. "I'm just not going to argue with the Kami that made it."
"You're too pale and not bald enough to be saying that," Discord remarked with a snort despite his amused tone.
The Yondaime chose to ignore that strange comment. "But in light of our current state, I hope you wouldn't be opposed to aiding us if others smelt blood in the water?" he asked hopefully.
Discord smiled and it was almost predatory. "Nato-Kun, I told you I'm moving in. What kind of roommate would I be if I didn't help bash in some heads while we're being robbed?"
The council members eyed the exchange with understanding and tepid approval. Minato was coveting the good will of a Kami, a powerful one that was rather casual in throwing his weighty power around. Losing the Kyuubi might be a small sacrifice for his protection and, possibly, what else they could gain from this relationship. More to the point, besides being dangerous to defy a Kami in any capacity, it was beyond their power to do anything right now about the situation.
"Now, if we're done, I believe you have some fatherly gushing to catch up on. Or is that just a Mom-thing here?" Discord inquired with a chuckle.
"More of a "we're so happy we don't have to orphan our newborn" thing," Minato answered, giving a respectful bow to Discord before disappearing via Hiraishin.
The draconequus blinked before scowling. "Well, someone is stealing my thunder," he quipped before vanishing in a snap of his talons-
*CRACK!*
-causing the jar of tiny-ANBU to fall off the desk and break, the retired ninjas jumping back as the room was suddenly filled with a pile of ANBU agents, groaning and tangled together.
The veterans all shared a look and sighed, mentally agreeing that they were getting too old for this.
Author's Note
And there we go! First chapter to this bit. Had half of this done for over a year, just waiting for inspiration to continue. So, also, yes, Muchitsujo is "Discord" in japanese as far as I can tell. Anyway, obviously Discord has taken a shine to Naruto and family, but remember that this is Pre-reform Discord, villain Discord. He's only actting nice-ish because this world is already chaotic in its own way. Time will tell how much he'll affect the village.
"Welcome to Training Ground Forty-Four, affectionately called the Forest of Death," Minato introduced as they stood before the massive training grounds.
Discord whistled as he stood next to the Hokage and tipped down his black shades. He was also wearing an orange business suit for some reason. "I can only imagine the problem with property value around here," he mused, looking at Minato in expertly feigned seriousness. "What's the school district like?"
"..." Minato stared for a moment with a sweat-drop. "You're fucking with me, are you, Muchitsujo-Sama?"
"Yes, but now I'm going to be curious about what ninja school is like," Discord admitted curiously. "But, seriously, what's the catch?"
"If you want it, no catch. Though, if you don't mind, we'd still like to use it for survival training and exams," Minato explained diplomatically. He became very concerned when Discord grinned toothily. "Please do not sabotage those events, Kami-Sama."
"Oh, I won't. Just throw a few curve-balls, maybe pick on someone I find interesting," Discord assured with a chuckle. "Speaking of which, here comes Tomato and Sunshine."
"Oi!" Kushina yelled as she approached the duo, the baby Naruto giggling in her arms. "Saved us or not, recovering from childbirth is the only reason I won't try to smack you for that, Muchi-Dono," Kushina warned with a balled fist.
"I welcome the event," Discord countered smoothly as his suit dissolved into a bunch of spiders that flew off in the breeze, Minato chuckling awkwardly at the exchange while Naruto stared with wide eyed wonder. "And what do you mean recover? I thought I fixed you up?" he questioned with a raised brow.
Kushina calmed down with a smile at that. "Yes, but even with that miracle, my body and chakra coil needs to adjust to not only NOT having the Kyuubi in me anymore, but also little Naru-Chan here," she remarked, the newborn cooing at the mention of his name.
"Wait, you gave birth the same night?" Discord asked, sounding legitimately impressed, then stroking his beard. "Well, I did only just restore you back to before furball got taken from you. I would have done a bit more if I had been informed how new the newborn was. If you want, I could put some of my mag-er, chakra in you," Discord offered with a grin.
The married couple blinked owlishly at the god's offer before sharing a look. "Is he hitting on me/you?" they both asked in sync.
"What?" Discord asked with a scrunched brow. "Why wou- oh, no! I'm not a homewrecker. Well, not to you two, at least," he amended dismissively. "I was just offering to ease your system into not having a jumbo stash of Chakra to work around," he explained.
"With all due respect, Muchi-Dono, I've had a mass of hatred enriched chakra near my womb and that, at minimum, gave Naru-Chan whisker marks," she pointed out with a deadpan. "I'm not sure I want to know what a GOD's chakra would do to them."
"Mildly offended, but I do see your point," Discord accepted with an eye roll. He was about to continue, but stopped as he saw Kushina partially opening the top of her kimono to breastfeed Naruto.
Minato, previously smiling at the scene, caught the draconequus staring at his wife and son again. While most would find this a bit rude, Minato noticed that Discord's eyes carried a look of actual surprise and curiosity in them. "Is...something the matter, Muchitsujo-Sama?" Minato asked carefully.
"Oh, no, just noting a weird contradictions between worlds," Discord stated idly as he snapped his talons.
The parents and child suddenly found themselves sitting at desks in a classroom, with young Naruto in a highchair between them, looking confused, but mercifully not about to cry. They both blinked as Discord stood up at a blackboard, holding a ruler. "See, back in my old world," Discord started, tapping the instrument where the equestrian words for "First World" were written. While Kushina and Minato didn't know that for sure, they deduced as much from the neighboring world, Dainnisekai : Second World. "Minus fashion and special events, going nude was actually the norm, but it was custom to breastfeed in private," he elaborated, the words below First World being "Nude=Private Feeding?" before he moved to the other column. "Yet, at least in this village, it seems that the reverse is true," he mused as the words "Modest=Public Feeding?" appeared.
"Okay, I'll admit ,that is...weird," Kushina agreed, clearly confused by a world that went au naturel but mostly shunned public breastfeeding. Then again, she knew humans could be very strange and contradictory, so maybe this was just some strange cultural thing.
"Well ,enough of that," Discord decided, pulling a string that made the literal entire setting roll up like a window blind.
Kushina and Minato instinctively jumped out of their chairs, avoiding being tumbling over as they landed back where they had been, Naruto still in his highchair. He looked around in surprise at the change in environment. If he was a bit older, he might have wondered if he dozed off while his mother or someone was carrying him. Now, however, his face began to scrunch up into a tense, nasty look.
"Oh, right, I interrupted his snack," Discord realized as the mother quickly retrieved the child to continue the feeding. If it hadn't been Discord's doing, she would have been more freaked out by the highchair suddenly falling to pieces now that it lacked a passenger. "You know, you ningen seem to be coping with me pretty well," Discord mused with a head tilt.
"Huh? What do you mean, Kami-Sama?" Minato asked in surprise.
"Nothing," Discord answered with a shrug. "So, this "Fire-Shadow", this Hokage thing? Am I understanding it right that you rule over just this village, Mina-Kun?" Discord questioned, stroking his beard.
"More or less, yes," Minato answered awkwardly. "I'm not quite sure how to explain it in a brief-."
"Kage is a title granted to a Shinobi village leader in one of the five great countries," Kushina explained with a smug smile. "Shinobi villages are technically military operations that officially serve the Daimyo. However, we are highly autonomous from the rest of the country in terms of governance. This is largely due to our wide spread use and mastery of using chakra to perform jutsus, and neither side wanting a conflict between our superior firepower and their superior numbers. The village also works somewhat like a mercenary agency, performs tasks for varying amounts of money, so long as they don't conflict with the home country's direct interests or safety. In function, the village is essentially a military dictatorship, with each Kage normally choosing their own successors," she paused to breath, Naruto continuing to feed from her milk-filled breasts. "Does that help?" she asked with a smile.
The two males stared at her in surprise for half a moment before Discord summarized his thoughts. "So, she's the smart one?"
"Not normally, no," Minato answered, raising a brow at his wife.
In turn, Kushina turned sheepish. "Well, as you know, the higher ups already know about him," she reminded, pointing to an amused Discord. "So, Shikaku maaaay have somehow deduced that our new Kami here isn't exactly native to our world and might have drilled that simplified summary into my head to make sure you didn't accidentally start an international incident, Muchi-Sama," she elaborated as she finished feeding her baby and replaced her top.
"Why, I never!" Discord declared, huffing with his arms crossed. "As if I'd do such a thing unintentionally."
"That reassures no one, Kami-Sama," Minato said with a sigh. "We also need to figure out how to...introduce you to the village."
"Not going to try and keep me a secret, Mina-Kun?" Discord said teasingly as he flew behind the Hokage. "I thought that's what you ninja types were all about. What's your saying? Look between the between?"
Minato paused as he thought about that question. "While you're wrong, that does still fit," he acknowledged before looking at the god with complete seriousness. "But I know you wouldn't keep yourself a secret even if I asked, would you?"
"Guilty!" Discord agreed with a massive grin, suddenly wearing a orange prison jumpsuit, something that caused Naruto to giggle in his mother's arms. "Okay, I think he just likes orange or something," Discord commented blandly as he ripped the suit off to reveal his naked glory once more.
"Even if you had been willing, I couldn't keep it a secret. Too many people are already asking about how bubblegum stopped the Kyuubi," Minato pointed out as Kushina snickered.
"Oh, I'm going to enjoy remembering that for years," the redhead declared with a hint of sadism.
"I'm guessing he wasn't a great roommate," Discord mused idly, chuckling at Kushina's glare of an answer. "That said, while I obvious detest a script, I am willing to...keep to a theme, shall we say," Discord offered coyly to the humans.
"A theme?" Minato asked curiously.
"Yes, well, given that I've commandeered your war deterrent, I understand you might want...something to tell your enemies that it's not open season on the Leaves," Discord answered knowingly, before looking thoughtful. "Or would you rather I be more comforting to those little villagers of yours?"
The parents looked to one another before Kushina cocked her head at the draconequus. "Can you do both?"
"Oh, Kushi-Chan, now who's flirting?" Discord countered, dancing a hair comb between the digits of his lion paw.
"I'll take that as a yes," Minato accepted with a shrug before looking wary. "Umm, Kami-Sama? May I ask a question that may sound...offensive?"
Discord rolled his eyes at that. "Minato, let me be blunt: the odds of you unintentionally offending me are smaller than the fuse on a sun princess," Discord assured, waving him on.
"Well, I was thinking about my speech to introduce you, so is there...a word for what you, or rather, your form is?" Minato asked, eyeing the mismatched body for effect.
Discord looked pleasantly surprised by that question. "Hmm, there was one word the locals used. While it was a bit of a mouthful in my old world's tongue, it rolls off a bit better in Nihongo. I believe it would be, Ryoma?" Discord supplied with a grin. At their silence, he blinked, turning to look at them in confusion. The ningen seemed a bit too shocked. "What, what'd I say?"
They didn't answer as their eyes trailed over his body carefully. "Long neck and wings at the side," Minato pointed out.
"Can, technically, tread on water without sinking," Kushina mused, observing the gap between Discord and the ground. "Definitely flies."
"Depending on what you're counting, at least five different main colors," Minato added in as he thought back to everything he knew this god could do. "Shrink, grow, turn invisible?"
"Yes, yes, I can do all of those things," Discord interrupted, looking between them oddly. "Seriously, what's got you two so wigged out? Wait, you have legends about me already, don't you?" he asked, a bit annoyed. "Am I now an evil omen or something?"
"Maybe?" Kushina answered uncertainly. "Ryoma can be a sign of great fortune or the end of an era, buuuuut they always appear for the same reason."
"And what would that be?" Discord inquired, less peeved and more curious now.
"The presence or coming of a great leader," Minato answered, sending an odd look to his wife. Or, rather, their baby in her arms.
Discord raised a brow as he processed that. An omen of great change, be it good or bad. He liked that, honestly, but his arrival signaling a great leader? That was the thought that made him remember the Alicorns. "Okay, I actually can't completely argue against that," Discord recalled with a face palm before literally pulling his face off.
"Ahhh!" Naruto cried in surprise at the rather disturbing, to him, display.
"Whoops!" Discord declared, slapping his face back on as Kushina tried to calm and sooth her son. "Well, can't blame the kid. The Slenderman thing messes with a lot of people," Discord said sheepishly as Kushina gave him a dirty look for scaring her child. "I guess I just lost babysitting privileges, eh?"
The mother and father of Naruto looked at each other in wide eyed surprise, not sure if he was serious or if they wanted him to be.
"Still," Minato redirected with a cough. "I know I summoned you by accident, Muchitsujo-Sama, but maybe there was a reason you ended up in our world," he suggested with a smile.
"Mina-Kun, I'm Chaos. I take a brick to destiny," Discord retorted with a snort. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of redecorating to do."
The family watched as Discord flew off into the Forest of Death without a care in the world, the sounds of elephant trumpets playing kazoo echoing in his wake. "Minato-kun, I'm not interested in him, but you know some of the women in the village are going to be interested in...repaying him, right? Especially if he takes on human form," Kushina pointed out with a playful smirk.
Minato gave her an annoyed look. "Thank you, Dear, for that lovely image of divine bestiality into my head."
Timeskip
It had been two days since the Kyuubi Attack. Two days of grief and confusion as they numbered the dead and tallied the damages. Even with the aid of the Third Hokage pushing the tailed beast out of the village, the damages to the village were heavy and evident, with the great gap in their famous walls as a constant reminder of the recent tragedy.
Of course, many questions were left unanswered. There were tales floating around of the Kyuubi simply disappearing...after being covered in bubblegum, apparently. Civilians and shinobi alike were growing impatient for answers, for a straight story that could put their minds at ease, for themselves and for their families.
Thus, a large crowd had gathered before the Hokage Tower, for word had been spread that there would be an announcement today, hopefully explaining everything. And as the sun hung high behind cloudy skies, Minato stood on the balcony, overlooking his village. "People of Konoha! I know that you have endured much in the past few days: The near destruction of our village by a tailed beat, the lose of cherished homes and loved ones taken from us too soon," he began, pausing to allow a respectful silence fall over the crowd. "But you already know this. You have lived it. I have brought you here to explain all that I can. When I arrived to defend the village, I fully intended to give my life to save my home, our home! And in doing so, I would have gave my soul to the Shinigami," he explained, as murmurs and gasps rang over the villagers and even the shinobi. Minato smiled a benevolent, humble smile now as he prepared to lighten the mood. "But as I stand before you, that is obviously not how events unfolded. I do not know if it was a happy accident or the intervention of fate, but...a different god answered my call."
Many a ninja felt the hairs on the back of their necks stand at attention as those ominous words registered, just as lighting leapt across the sky. Or, rather, what they thought was lightning.
The bolt of electricity shot towards the Hokage Tower, but the yellow flash stood unflinchingly as it neared. It zipped and curved around the top of the building, making several cry out in alarm as the strike refused to banish or dissipate. The head of the bolt curved up before looking down at the Hokage and the crowd below him. Then, just as suddenly, a pair of mismatched wings "broke" through the electricity, as if it were a cocoon or snake skin. as the apparent shell cracked, the being within shook itself free, the lightning floating up and dissipating into specks of light.
"My friends and comrades, allow me to introduce the one who defeated the Kyuubi, yes, with bubblegum: Muchitsujo-Sama the Ryoma, the Kami of Chaos!" Minato introduced proudly as they all laid eyes upon the great, chimeric beast that floated above them in a form that was serpentine and at least forty feet long. Naturally, those of the leaf were too stunned to react to such an entrance for this creature.
And Discord being Discord, decided to seize the moment. "Greetings, my little ningen!" he declared in a voice that reached them all yet did not boom, giving a wide and snaggletooth grin. "I am " Discord " or Muchitsujo in your tongue. I have come to you by chance, but in exchange for granting the wish of your leader, he has agreed that I may live amongst this village. I am new to your world and your kind is new to me, so I shall state this once: Nothing of my power shall harm you unless I desire it to," Discord spoke to them all.
The silence continued to stretch on until someone became foolish or brave enough to ask the most important question to everyone: "How did you defeat the Kyuubi with bubblegum?!"
Everyone turned in the direction of the villager that called out the inquiry, Discord just smirking as he lifted up his talons. "Like this," he answered with a snap as several pops rang out around the crowd.
"OW!" "WHAT THE HELL!?" "WHY IS THIS EVEN IN MY PANTS?!"
Various members of the crowd had found that random objects on them had turned into bubblegum and promptly exploded: A Kunoichi's kunai pouch, a Jonin's vest, the questioning villager's underwear, etc.
Many in the crowd couldn't stop laughing even as Discord let out a chuckle, slowly drawing attention back to himself as he shrank back down to his normal size and landed by a bemused Yondaime. Ignoring the blonde next to him, the mismatched entity leaned over the rails as he slurped chocolate milk through a bendy straw that was strangely shaped like one of the Kyuubi's tails. "Long story short, ningens: I'm moving in and bunking with you lot. But while I feel I've already paid my share of rent dealing with the furball, I've decided to put my best hoof forward in making this a wonderful relationship. So, here's my security deposit," Discord announced as he snapped his fingers again, a light briefly washing over the entire village.
Most winced or squinted, but once it passed, the were merely looking around in uncertainty as they found nothing to indicate a change.
"I think you need to spell it out for them, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato whispered to the chaos god.
"Aww, do I have to, Mina-Kun? I wanted them to be surprised," Discord complained, pouting with his arms crossed. He obviously didn't care that the whole village could hear him still as the Hokage gave him a hopeful look. "Oh fine. I undid the damages to all the buildings!" he explained with a huff.
Murmurs of disbelief and surprise ran through the crowd as several Shinobi and Kunoichi leapt to the tallest buildings in the areas, sans the towers.
"He's right! The village! It's as good as new!"
"Even the wall is fixed!"
"And it's orange!"
Minato raised an eyebrow at Discord, who shrugged. "Eh, I figured you mortals would use as a memorial or something," he waved off before his ears perked up at a sound he wasn't really used to.
"Muchitsujo! Muchitsujo! Muchitsujo!"
Minato was almost taken back by how Discord looked so unexpected to hear the praise and cheering roaring from the crowd, thankful to their supposedly divine savior saving their lives and returning their homes. It was starting to become clear that this being wasn't used to positive reactions to his antics. He wasn't sure if that was sad or worrying. Still, that aside. "Well, between that and your entrance, I'd say you pulled off the intimidating-comfort angle rather well, Kami-Sama," he said in congratulations.
"Huh?" Discord asked as he snapped out of his stupor. "Oh, the entrance wasn't for intimidation, that was just for presentation," Discord countered with a grin.
Minato blinked, feeling like he was missing something. "Then what was the intimidation aspect?" he questioned.
"You know all those rival villages your Konoha has?" Discord redirected with a coy look.
"Yeeeeees?" Minato asked warily.
"I moved all their spies five feet from where they were before."
Author's Note
And here's chapter two! Hope you all enjoyed this. Next chapter we'll be skipping years ahead. Anyway, Discord has a place to call his own and has been endeared to the village at large....and scared the hell out of some spies, I'm sure.
Not else much to say, hope you all enjoyed this. Til next time!
Three years had passed in a slow blur.
A strange yet fitting contradiction for when one such as Discord was involved. Being the ancient entity he was, the passage of time held less meaning for him already. But these ningen, these ninja and their world had made his perception skid and enjoy these days. They were far more memorable than anything he had experienced in an age.
"Muchi-Oji! Muchi-Oji!"
And that was his favorite little skidder.
Discord effortlessly awoke from his nap upon a jello-tree, flying out to the edge of the Forest of Death, and found a three year old blonde trotting to him with a blanket curled around his shoulder.
"Rutty!" Discord greeted as he teleported in front of him, pulling him up into a hug. The blond giggled infectiously as Discord saluted to the hidden ANBU that had watched over the tike on his trip to this lovely named patch of fenced off wilderness. Sensing they were properly alone, he pulled back the toddler and gave him a curious look. "Now what in the name of baloney mushrooms are you doing here? Does Mama Red and Papa Yellow know you're here?" he asked playfully, but got back a sad frown.
"They're fighting again. Kaa-San is still mad about the people Tou-San is letting coming here," Naruto explained sadly, giving him hopeful eyes. "Can I stay the night with you?"
Any other time, it would be massively concerning that a child would rather stay in the Forest of Death instead of with his own parents, but Discord knew it was simply a matter of Naruto feeling safe around him rather than any bad sign of misparenting on Minato or Kushina's part.
Naruto being able to sneak out was either a sign of his potential as a ninja or their acceptance of their son paying him visits when they fought…either or, maybe both, but it wasn't important.
"Of course you can, Naruto," Discord promised before gaining an impish look. "But since we're both awake, how about we take a little fly!"
Naruto laughed away his sorrows as he found himself flying on the back of the draconequus and going high into the sky. For some, it'd be like a fairy tale. For Naruto, it was just another week in his life. Within no time, the blond human found himself seated atop a cloud with a chabudai of green and pink zig-zagging lines between them. "So we're Fire, and I know the other big four are Water, Wind, Earth, and Lightning," Discord mused as he stared at the map on the table.
"Why are we called Fire though?" Naruto asked curiously, tilting his head.
"I guess there used to be too many forest fires in the summer," Discord joked as Naruto giggled like only a young child was allowed to. In truth, he probably knew the answer laid in the ningen themselves. Magic, name regardless, always had affinities. And certain things influenced a person's likelihood towards an affinity. Blood often was a big factor, but if there was no big genetic pull, the land of their birth often played a part. And most mortals didn't have much of a genetic pull to one affinity or another without what was called a bloodline limit, or Kekkei Genki.
But discussion such a complicated matter would only confuse the poor boy, Discord was sure.
Still, it was nice going over this with Naruto. He rarely admitted it, but the short stuff was better at some things than him. "Still can't remember most of these tiny nations or villages," Discord mused, looking as if he would flick the depictions away like annoying fleas.
Given whom he was, that was a possibility.
"Well, that's Rice-something, that's Grass, that's Snow way over there and...I think that's Rain?" Naruto asked himself, not noticing he was speaking another language, or that Discord was. He suspected it was some surrogate-uncle version of parental instincts, but he thought it was a good idea to bless Naruto with a minor ability, allowing to understand and speak any language as if he was born to it, switching automatically.
And if Discord was honest, it was nice to speak Equestrian every now and again. He spent far too long on that world.
"No, wait, that's Waterfall. THAT's Rain!" Naruto said with a wide toothed smile, proudly pointing at the middle.
"Who names a place Rain? Sounds like I need to pay them a visit," Discord mused, tapping the map idly.
"Uncle Muchi?" Naruto asked curiously, getting a hum as an answer. "Mom and Dad say I can grow up to be as strong as them one day."
"Oh, I think you can be stronger than that, Rutty," Discord said with a chuckle as he kept looking at the map.
"Can I-" Naruto paused, looking away briefly before staring at the Lord of Chaos once more. "Can I be as strong as you one day?"
Discord opened his mouth, but closed it as the words registered, looking curiously at his nephew-figure. "I don't think so?"
Naruto might have been hurt or disappointed if Discord hadn't sounded so uncertain. "Whatcha mean, Uncle?"
"Well, no one has been able to reach my level. Not really," Discord answered honestly. "I'm not saying you can't, but I'll be impressed if you did."
"Oh," Naruto accepted thoughtfully. "Why'd you get so strong, Uncle?"
"Hmm? I don't understand the question?" Discord retorted, giving the little ningen an odd look.
"Well, Dad got strong to protect everyone, Mom did it because she was trying to be Hokage, and...I think Kaka is doing it for his dad and friends?" Naruto answered uncertainly. "Even bad people have reasons for getting strong, like takin over the world or beating one of the other villages. So, what was your reason, Uncle?"
Discord didn't answer, staring at the child as if he was the greatest mystery in the universe. "Why do you want to be as strong as me?"
"Hey, no fair, Uncle! I asked you first!" Naruto countered with a childish pout.
"Well, I guess neither of us will know, eh, Rutty?" Discord stated playfully, before his smile instantly melted into a scowl.
"What's wrong, Muchi-Oji?" Naruto asked in concern.
"Naruto, never ignore your wife when you grow up," Discord advised randomly, making the boy float over to his back before they flew off the cloud, and headed down to the village.
"Where are we going?" Naruto asked curiously, knowing this was certainly not the way home.
"Oh, that's right! You wouldn't know," Discord said with a jovial tone. "I need to check up on a certain little birthday girl."
"Birthday girl?" Naruto repeated, blinking. "Did you get her a present?"
"I believe I'm about to," Discord murmured as they floated down.
"Isn't this the Hyuuga's place?" Naruto asked as he looked around.
"Shh! We're late, so most of them are asleep," Discord shushed as they floated down, just above the courtyard.
"Oh, okay," Naruto said as they silently watched what looked like a peaceful household. Then, silent as the night, a masked man emerged from a window, carrying a sack over his shoulder. "We're not here to give a present, are we?" Naruto guessed grimly. Or what passed for grimly. It just sounded sad to Discord's ear as he landed on the top of the Hyuuga walls.
"Don't worry, Gaki. We got this," Discord assured as they remained invisible to the kidnapper's sight by his chaotic powers and waited for his approach. Once the man was in sight, Discord's tail whipped down and the hairs at the end lengthened, reaching out to ensnare the ninja.
"Wh-what is this?!" the man hissed as he was pulled off the ground. He looked up, only to pale as the invisibility was dropped, spotting the mismatch form of Konoha's local god. "Mu-Muchitsujo-Sama," he breathed in fear.
"Naruto, take the sack please. He won't be needing it. Right, Kumo-San?" Discord asked with an unkind smile.
The man flinched as he was brought closer so that the toddler might rob him of his prize. He knew who this was; anyone would have to be blind not to know after meeting the Yondiame Hokage. He was tempted to lash out, but he could feel the threads tear through some of his clothes without cutting his flesh…a clear warning to behave. He merely gritted his teeth and bore the indignation as Naruto removed the sack curiously; with that done, Discord flung the man into a tree, his hairs severing and entangling into it to pin the man there.
Naruto curiously opened the bag and blinked as a little girl's head popped out, scared eyes peering up at him. "W-who are you?" she asked, looking afraid to even come out of the sack.
Naruto would have none of that, smiling widely as he pulled it down, giving her a full view of her saviors. Her pale eyes were wide with awe at the sight of the mighty ryoma and the blonde boy upon his back. "I'm Naruto Namikaze. This is my Oji, Muchitsujo," Naruto introduced, looking at her curiously. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
"I-I'm fine. T-thank you for saving me, Kami-Sama, Namikaze-Sama," Hinata said with a nervous smile.
"You're quite welcome, my dear," Discord assured with a playful smile. "Now, I believe your father needs an explanation. Eh, Hiashi-Kun?" Discord asked, glancing down at the Hyuuga Clan Head, who was looking at the god and the Kumo ninja in bewilderment.
"Tou-San!" the girl yelled in relief, smiling tearful at her father and then squealing in momentary fright as Discord used his tail to gently lower her to the ground.
"I would deeply appreciate that, Kami-Sama," Hiashi said uneasily before smiling slightly at his daughter when she ran to embrace him. "But I can assume I owe you my thanks."
"And Naruto's," Discord retorted, nodding to his nephew, who blushed in embarrassment.
"I-I didn't do anything though," Naruto refused, knowing he had just been along for the ride.
"Yes, but I wouldn't have been out and about if you hadn't come to me tonight, Ruto-Kun," Discord answered with a chuckle.
Hinata stared up at the pair in awe, the image engrained into her little mind: the blond prince and the chaos god who saved her, smiling and framed in moonlight.
"In any case, I'd say these two little ones are pretty awake," Discord mused absently. "If you don't mind, Hiashi-Kun, would you mind watching them so they can play while I take our manner-less friend to Mina-Kun?" Discord suggested with a hint of veiled sadism that made the Kumo ninja shudder in his binds, having tried and failed to find an escape.
Hiashi was no fool. One didn't deny a god's suggestion without good consideration and there was nothing to consider in this. "I'd be happy to, Muchitsujo-Sama."
"Excellent!" Discord said with a cheerful smile as he poofed a confused Naruto to be standing with the two paled eyed humans. "Behave, Naruto. I'll come back in a little bit. Or your parents will, either or. Arrivederci!" Discord said before he and his captive vanished with a snap of his talons.
Naruto looked to the daughter of the leader of the Hyuuga Clan, tilting his head curiously. "Do you like to play spider tag?"
Meanwhile, Minato was very confused to find himself sitting in the Hokage's office rather than the couch at home. Had he fallen asleep here? Was the fight with Kushina a dream?
"She's never going to let you hear the end of this, Mina-Kun."
Minato grimaced at the voice. No, if he was here, that meant he had just been teleported here. "End of what, Muchitsujo-Sama?" he asked with a tired sigh as he turned his chair around to see two figures. One was a very amused god of chaos, the other was his wife with a smug grin and wicked glint in her eyes. Minato leaned forward and saw that for once, the Kami in question wasn't floating. He was standing on the body of the ambassador from Kumo, who was bound up in what might as well be a giant white ball of yarn.
He only had one extremely important question before all else. "Where is Naruto?" he asked with a furrowed brow, his emotions between concerned and curious. Concerned because, did that mean he didn't make it to the Forest of Death? Had the ANBU been defeated by an unexpected enemy? If not, he was curious as to where Discord had deposited the blond.
"Oh, he's just making friends with a birthday girl," Discord answered, examining his claws idly.
That startled Kushina out of her moment of victory. "Naru-Chan is with the Hyuuga girl? Oi, Muchi-Dono! Are you playing matchmaker for Naruto without talking to his Kaa-San?" Kushina asked accusingly.
"Matchmaker? Tomato-Chan, I don't make matches. That's too orderly. I simply set up the dominos to see how they land," Discord retorted flippantly.
"Dominos?" Kushina repeated before narrowing her eyes. "You're intending a lot of girls to fight over Naru-Chan?"
"Well, the ones that aren't into sharing," Discord joked with a suggestive eye wiggle.
Kushina held his stare for a moment before grinning. "Oh, like my manly Naru-Chan needs any help getting ladies to fight over him," Kushina said proudly.
Discord had what Minato called a Ningen-Moment, sharing a weirded-out look and a sweat drop with the fourth Hokage over the antics of the former Kyuubi Jinchuriki. It was something Minato had taken a curious interest in witnessing. Muchitsujo was very aloof and playful, seeming to deem anything and everything important to most people as beneath him. He studied and watched their culture and customs out of idle curiosity, but every now and again, the divine chimera had a moment where his reaction was unexpectedly normal.
They never lasted long though.
"Right, so, Kushina? Do you need to get the dance of a thousand 'I-Told-You-So's over with or shall we address Kumo's tendency to abduct underage girls?" Discord asked dryly.
Minato's eye twitched as Kushina gave him a demonic look. "We'll save the dance for a more…private time, Muchi-Dono. For now?" she stopped, glaring down at the captured Kumo ninja.
Discord floated off him and flicked his claws, the man suddenly pinned to the wall as the hair became like glue…industrial glue. "While I'm sure we know the answer, it's best to hear it from the source," Minato said, instantly in front of the man, who looked very, very pale as he was being stared down by not only the God of Chaos, but the Yellow Flash and Kushina Uzumaki. This was definitely not good for him. "So, why exactly were you trying to kidnap the daughter of Hiashi Hyuuga?" Minato asked in a disturbingly polite tone.
"Please, do me a favor: lie," Discord requested with a chuckle. "I'd love to see what they'll do to you."
Author's Note
Well, that's the third one. I'm actually very happy with this one, if only because in all the fics where Minato and Kushina don't die, I don't think many have them bringing up this isn't the first time they've dealt with Kumo trying to steal a young girl of Konoha. Meanwhile, Discord is enjoying life as a Kami among Ningen, with a little Rutty to spoil and play with.
So, there'll be a chapter or two before the next timeskip, mostly over the fallout of this. Next jump should be to the Uchiha incident.
As before, I appreciate any tips to my pat-reon and GoFundMe, but I understand anyone not having the ability or desire to do so. Especially given that America just became the new epicenter of the coronavirus. Everyone be safe and be well.
PLEASE READ!
Hello, friends. Most of you know this, but I'll be putting this in new updates once per story: back at the beginning of March, my Great Grandmother died. She was the woman who raised me and who I have lived with all my life. We all miss her dearly, and the only solace I take in the timing is that it happened before the Coronavirus shut down funerals.
Its been a couple weeks since the funeral, and I'm doing...better, thanks in large part to friends and family. After a week or two, I started writing again, obviously. Between everything going on, I needed an outlet and, well, to be blunt: writing is what I do. I didn't feel like showing my face on the net for a while, so I now have a small back log of chapters saved up, made at previous advice from some friends. I'll post one or two chapters a week, as to try and keep ahead of everything.
Now, here's the big news: I have no job, chiefly because I was always worried about leaving my grandma alone for most of the day. My life for the past few years has resolved around just making sure she's okay, gets her pills, the bills are paid up, we aren't in debt, etc. After the initial shock and sting of her death passed, one of my chief worries was that I'd end up homeless before I can find a job. Thanks to the amazing support of many fans contributing on my pat-reon and GoFundMe, I should be able to keep the house for at least a month while I job hunt. Given everything going on in the world, I deeply appreciate the help. Left over money from the funeral insurance, if it comes in soon enough, could keep the whole place going for a couple more months.
As I've always said, I will never hold updates hostage or anything like that. I will continue to post for as long as I am able, when I am able, with what I have. If you are willing and able to contribute to my pat-reon or GoFundMe, I deeply appreciate it. If not, I understand- especially with the gravity of everything going on. Regardless, I hope my stories can bring a bit of joy to everyone during these times of trouble.
I hope you all are doing well and handling the Coronavirus as best you can. Take care, be safe, and thank you all for everything.
PS I am planning to post original, likely lewd stories on my pat-reon in the near future, to any that interest.
Discord watched with growing disinterest as the Head Kumo ninja refused to talk. The would-be kidnapper was bound and restrained in an interrogation room behind a one-way window while he watched along with Minato, Kushina, the leader of the ANBU, Inoichi Yamanaka and one new arrival.
"I was half-expecting the hawk to arrive instead of the monkey, Hiruzen-Kun," Discord greeted idly, drawing everyone's attention to the retired Hokage.
"Sandiame-Sama!" they all greeted, almost on instinct.
"Everyone, Muchitsujo-Sama," Hiruzen greeted with a brief smile before looking to Minato grimly. "I take it things aren't going well, Yondiame-Sama?"
"I wouldn't say horribly so, but yes," Minato answered calmly while glancing back in the room as three ANBU, two being Genjutsu specialists and one a medic, worked over the foreign ninja. "The Raikage made sure he had a seal that would render him essentially brain dead if someone like Inoichi tried to probe his mind."
Inoichi nodded as the Fourth motioned for him to speak. "Judging by the workings of the seal, Sandiame-Sama, it could be worse than that; there's a chance that any mind-walker caught in his mind when the seal is triggered would be trapped in the now-empty mind with no way to escape. It wouldn't be much different than being stuck in a coma."
"Making any gambles too one-sided in odds," Hiruzen acknowledged with a hum, looking to Minato with a raised eyebrow in silent inquiry.
"It'll take time even for me to undo it safely without help, but Jiraiya-Sensei won't be back anytime soon and Kushina..." Minato trailed off to glance to said red head.
The wife of the Fourth fumed silently, glaring death at their captive as her hair billowed in a manner similar to a certain multi-tailed vulpine. "I see your point," Hiruzen acknowledged with a sweat-drop. "And Kumo wouldn't have sent someone with a will that was easily broken for a risky operation such as this."
"Yes, he's holding rather well up against those illusions: chakra-bugs laying eggs in his stomach and a pack of rats eating at his limbs? Crude, but normally effective," Discord complimented idly.
Inoichi blinked as he caught the implication. "You can see their Genjutsu?" he asked in surprise, stiffening as Discord gave him a blank look. "R-right, of course you can, Muchitsujo-Sama!"
"Kami-Sama, please do not turn the illusions real," Minato requested in an expecting monotone.
Discord rolled his eyes as he summoned a green smoothie with a bendy straw that was somehow in the shape of a kunai. "That'd hardly be all I'd do, but I get your desire, Mina-Kun. Still, how important is this confession to the village in the grand scheme of things?" he inquired as he sipped his drink.
Years had built up tolerances to the god's casual behavior for most in the room, no one reacting as Hiruzen took a deep drag of his pipe. "Without the confession, Kumo will simply state this one was acting on his own and demand his return. Not doing so would spark an international incident, but doing so would make us look weak."
"Weak to whom? Kiri is still tearing itself apart, Suna is the weakest and your ally, Iwa has failed to defeat you in literally every war and Kumo keeps trying to steal your bloodlines like they're some rare collector's item," Discord pointed out with a raised eyebrow.
Minato sighed as he pondered a way to get this across to the god. "We're the strongest village, but that is a very tentative and precarious position. And the other major villages are not our only concerns. If enough of our enemies feel emboldened enough to strike us together-"
"A feeding frenzy," Discord summarized with a hum, blowing into his straw to turn the drink into a bubble. "Mina-kun, I believe I made it clear I'm not going to solve all of your problems for you?"
"Nor do we expect you too, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato assured quickly before turning curious, ignoring Inoichi stepping away from the green bubble. "But are you volunteering?"
Discord crossed his arms as he floated there in idle contemplation. "Honestly, I'm doing this for my own interest. I have some questions for this electric punk myself," he answered, glancing to Kushina, still glaring through the glass. "You can have my sloppy seconds, Tomato-Chan."
Kushina chose not to acknowledge him, even as he passed by her.
Meanwhile, Akinori was not a coward in any stretch of imagination. He knew the risks and importance of this mission, using peace talks as a cover to capture a high value target like the Hyuuga heiress. He had been prepared to die for this mission, and even tortured if he failed. He had felt the very realistic illusions, making him think that his body was being devoured and molested by vermin, controlled by two of the three ANBU. He contemplated attempting suicide more than once, but dared not tempt it. Not because of the medically trained ANBU also in the room as a precaution, but because Konoha's so-called kami had become involved in this situation.
Apparently thinking of the devil works just as good as speaking of him.
The Kumo ninja was genuinely terrified when he saw the serpentine chimera float through the mirror as if it wasn't even there, the Genjutsu afflicting his mind cancelling out by a wave of claws. "Muchitsujo-Sama?" the rabbit ANBU inquired in surprise.
"I'll be tagging in, lads," Discord instructed dismissively. They hesitated briefly before vanishing from the room as a trio of body flickers, leaving the ryoma alone with the man from the Land of Lightning. He took half a second to look over the restrained human, ankles and wrists bound in shackles built into a metal chair. "A fine mess you've gotten yourself into, Kumo-kun," Discord mused idly as he took a seat in mid-air, propping up his draconic foot so his tail-fluff could sharp the claws like a nail-file.
Akinori shivered as he saw the hairs masterfully tend to the talon. "Indeed I have, Muchitsujo-Sama," he admitted warily.
"Look, I get this whole 'loyalty until death' thing you ningen have going on, so I'm going to ignore every question they want you to answer. Instead, you're going to tell me what "I" want to know and then we'll see how things go for you. Don't worry, it shouldn't be anything you can't share as such a loyal, dutiful ninja of Kumo," Discord assured with a toothy grin.
"I-I shall try, Muchitsujo-Sama," Akinori answered, skeptical but curious as to what this god wanted to know.
"Obviously you won't implicate your precious Raikage, soooo let's just say that this question is directed at the person who came up with this little scheme, and you answer in whoever's place that is?" Discord offered in an almost amical voice. Akinori, unsure where this was going, nodded slowly. "Splendid! Now...what, by Mina-Kun's flashing thunder rod, made you think this was a good idea?"
Akinori blinked, not sure he understood. "I'm sure it might seem paltry to you, Muchitsujo-Sama, but you are aware how prized a bloodline limit like the Byakugan is among us mortals?" he asked curiously.
"Oh no, no! I'm not talking about the rewards, but the risk. Ignoring everything, even Minato and Kushina having past experiences with this exact situation, and the issue of being hunted down by ANBU and the Toady, there was still one glaring big red flag: Me. Or did I not display my power clear enough three years ago?" he asked, cupping his chin in his paw.
Akinori finally had a look of understanding dawn on his face. "We- I meant no disrespect to you, Kami-Sama. I merely thought this matter would be below your notice or interest," he answered carefully.
"It might have been, but kidnapping a girl on her birthday is just bad taste," Discord quipped with a huff. "So, what is the general consensus about me in your home village?"
Akinori looked completely taken aback by that. "I'm...not sure how to answer that. The Raikage and most of Kumo regards you as a sleeping dragon, to use a metaphor."
"Ahh, don't antagonize me and you won't have to worry about me. Not entirely true, buuuut one does avoid my actual ire that way," Discord mused idly, stroking his goatee. "Well, I suppose it's kind of an indirect compliment, thinking I wouldn't be a threat because you thought you and your little stunt were too pathetic for me to bother with."
Akinori refused to take the bait as the god grinned at him with false-friendship. "I-is there anything else, Muchitsujo-Sama?"
"Just a few things, Kumo-kun," Discord answered pleasantly. "Besides, I can't imagine you're in that big of a hurry to get back to the meat-headed "A"hole," Discord remarked with a chuckle.
Akinori stiffened at that, trying to surpress his glare. "Please don't speak so ill of my Kage, Muchitsujo-Sama," he requested neutrally.
"Oh, come now. No need to be so fussy, it's just us here. I'm not insulting your village, after all. Honestly, it's not the first time I've seen a city on a mountain like yours, but I rather like the aesthetic. And as much as I'm opposed to orderliness, you cloud-huggers are probably the most war-ready forces of all the five big fishes," Discord praised openly as Akinori became less guarded. "But every village has its weak point. Like your third leader grooming his son to take over instead of just finding the best ningen for the job. Hereditary is all fine and good for lords and clans, but the spot as the big shadow-boss of a major country's ninja rank and file? If they're up to the task, sure, but A certainly didn't learn too well from his old man if he sent you off to do the exact same thing that failed."
From outside the room, Minato and company watched on with interest. "What is he doing?" Inoichi questioned with a scowl. "Trying to turn him against his Kage?"
"I think he'd be making some very outrageous offers if that was all he wanted," Minato remarked curiously. "He is getting in the prisoner's head though."
"Why can't he just take him apart without hurting him and leave him a helpless slab of meat?" Kushina muttered, getting alarmed looks.
"Kushina-Chan's concerning fantasies aside, I believe our chaotic friend is about to show us a new trick of his," Hiruzen mused as he observed intently.
"The Raikage does make...bold decisions sometimes, but they are always decisive and with the best interest of the village in mind," Akinori argued.
"Of course, of course, I never said he wasn't a patriotic leader. After all, why else would he send you of all ninja here?" Discord asked, a pregnant silence growing as he watched Akinori expectantly.
"I...don't follow?" Akinori asked slowly.
"If you succeed, the village gets a new bloodline and A doesn't have to bother looking for a new Head Ninja. If you fail, which you did, he can use your death or capture as an excuse to leverage something out of Konoha. And he gets to replace you with someone a bit more...special. Maybe even that Jinchuriki brother of his," Discord mused condescendingly.
"You...you don't know what you're talking about. I've more than earned my position," Akinori defended.
"Yes, you did. In the Second Shinobi World War ," Discord mused with a smug look. "But A is from the THIRD War, and wanting to prove that he is his own Kage. After all, that's what every son wants: Either to be just like their father or completely different from him. Or in the case of leaders? Both. So, don't you think it's convenient that you, one of the old guard, gets sent on a repeat of a failed mission? Wouldn't it have been smarter to send another Kumo ninja with you as a bodyguard, one obscurely known but highly specialized in stealth? It'd be a lot easier to write them off as a hotshot or extremist than replacing you if you were o-so important to the village right?"
"I will not betray my village!" Akinori declared as he kept his one eyed gaze down.
"I'm not asking you to~!" Discord promised tauntingly. "I just want you to admit that A is a Rai-bastard for doing this to you."
There was no response from Akinori at first as he sat there, motionless. His shoulders began to tremble, almost as if he was crying. The shaking grew greater and greater, the bolts securing the chair to the floor being the only reason it didn't rattle.
And then he looked up and let it all out.
"AHAHAHAHA!"
Discord's cool, easy smirk almost seemed cruel as he watched the one-eyed ninja laugh his heart out. "Oooh, you have no idea, Kami-Sama! If that bozo had any less tact, he'd be ruling with just fear! Ohh, the Haichibi's Jinchuriki might be annoying, but I half the time think he'd make a better leader than that fool! Ha!" Akinori rattled on with glee, feeling as though a dam had broken loose within him.
"Tell me more, Akinori-Kun," Discord encouraged casually.
"I shouldn't laugh; he's mainly just trying to be like his old man, like you said. But the old Raikage, he was something else. Sure, he could come off as a brute sometimes, but he was the most level headed and honorable man I've ever met," Akinori said with a nostalgic grin.
"Honorable? What about kidnapping the Uzumaki girl?" Discord asked with honest curiosity.
Akinori snorted as he looked off to the side. "That was different. I know that sounds piss poor, but it was. She was the next Kyuubi Jinchuriki. Taking her out neutralized Konoha's Bijuu all together, since the damn fur-ball was so overpowered that most humans can't be its container."
Discord blinked at that but decided not to press it further. "So A2 took what that idea seemed like and just ran with it in another direction?"
Akinori nodded repeatedly. "Yeah, I think he was jealous because he heard how some ninja over in Kiri managed to steal a Hyuuga's eye."
"A? As in only one?" Discord repeated.
"Yeah, I had the same thought. Sounds like someone trying to rip off that one copycat of yours," Akinori mused.
Meanwhile, the audience could only stare in disbelief, their jaws dropped. "What the hell did he do?" Kushina summarized in disbelief.
"I...I have no idea, milady," Inoichi answered numbly. "Muchitsujo-Sama didn't seem to enter his mind or anything similar."
"I believe it is more sinister than that," Hiruzen said grimly. "The man seems as though his loyalty and personality have been turned inside out."
"Very observant, Sarutobi-Sensei."
"I was wondering when you'd speak up, Orochimaru," Minato greeted to the pale snake summoner that was leaning against the very edge of the window, staring in with an interested smile.
"I thought my services would be desired, but I had no idea that Ryoma-Sama would deign to aid more in this matter," Orochimaru mused coyly, chucking all the while. "It is truly fascinating. He could not simply take the information from the fool's mind without removing the seal, so his words coaxed his soul into a state of despair, allowing him to warp this man's very being into something our dear Kami-Sama found more agreeable. A Genjutsu, of sorts, but one that affects the mind itself. The very personality, rather than the senses. And all with just a friendly conversation."
"My rear must taste of cake and chocolate milk for you to enjoy kissing it that much, Hebi-Kun," Discord remarked, casually leaning against the wall behind the Snake Sannin. Orochimaru looked briefly surprised, glancing back inside to realize that the Discord in the room had been replaced by a life size stuffed replica. Akinori seemingly didn't notice the change, and continued blathering to the fake Discord.
"Your sense of humor is as unexpected as ever, Ryoma-Sama," Orochimaru added, turning to face the god fully.
Discord snorted miniature pink clouds from his nostrils. Orochimaru was an interesting human, a strange outliner of this world's hominid species. And the Snake Sannin's interest in Discord was far more obvious than most, the scientist in the ninja no doubt finding him a treasure trove of information into formerly impossible topics. "And you're one to talk? I've seen your idea of birthday presents," Discord remarked dryly before turning his attention to the parents of Naruto. "Akinori-kun is all yours. Just treat him like a fellow ninja in a bar and you're both complaining about your horrible bosses and he'll just keep singing," Discord instructed, superficially examining his claws as he did so.
"Thank you, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato said, glancing back into the room with an unsettling feeling. "How long will he be like this?"
"Well, this is the first time I've used it in this world, so maybe a full day?" Discord answered whimsically, deciding to lie through his teeth on this one. Discording lasted as long as he wanted it to, but no sense in alarming those in the room even more.
"So..." Kushina started awkwardly. "Do you just kind of flip them or can you make them act however you want?" she inquired, trying not to sound too curious.
"Oh, I can make an Inuzuka act like a house cat if I wanted to," Discord answered smugly. "What did you have in mind, Tomato-Chan?"
"My, Kushina-Chan, I didn't think you had it in you," Orochimaru praised in amusement.
"Kushina, whatever it is, no," Minato said warningly.
"I didn't even say what I wanted to do yet!" Kushina retorted with a defensive glare at everyone.
Discord held up a wooden sign with his tail that no one but Kushina saw saying 'We'll talk later.' before he cleared his throat- and coughed up a Kumo headband, which he idly tossed away. "Anyway, I'm done here. If you need him to spill more after he turns back to normal, you're on your own. Tata everyone! I'll check up on Naruto if you two aren't home soon."
With that, the god of chaos vanished, his body dissolving into toothpicks. An uneasy silence came over them before Sarutobi cleared his throat. "It seems you were wise to befriend Muchitsujo-Sama, Minato-Kun. I shudder to imagine him as an enemy."
"Agreed, Sandiame-Dono," Minato said with a sigh. "Three years and beyond a few...pranks of the higher end, he hasn't shown any ill-will towards the village."
"Accidents aside," Inoichi remarked with a shudder.
"Oi! Muchi-Dono healed those people, and it wasn't like he knew about Doujutsu at the time," Kushina defended with a glare.
"Do I want to know what you were considering just now?" Minato asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Nothing I believe you could stay mad about," Kushina answered evasively. "So, I should probably pick up Naruto before he turns Hiashi's daughter into a fangirl."
The males collectively sweat-dropped at that as Sarutobi spoke up, "If you take no issue, Yondiame-Dono, I would like some time with this Kumo ninja. As an old man, I have plenty of old grievances to share and vent," he opined with an amused smile.
"Be my guest," Minato agreed with a nod.
"And I believe this is my cue to leave as well. Unless you have need of me, Hokage-Sama?" Orochimaru inquired with a smirk.
"Not unless you have something you'd like to say, Orochimaru," Minato retorted neutrally. It was no secret that Orochimaru had hated being passed over for the position of Fourth Hokage, at first, but he didn't seem to care after the past few years.
"Just one," Orochimaru mused with a chuckle. "It was rather hard to notice, but if it puts you at ease, Muchitsujo-Sama's mind altering ability has a small tell: the eyes, or rather eye, of the victim has a hint of greyness to it that wasn't there before. I always found it amusing that a being as vibrant and chaotic as him seemed to enjoy a color like grey so much."
Minato watched the snake-man carefully as he left. He still wasn't sure if that Sannin was truly trustworthy sometimes, but he hadn't acted against the village, so his uneasy instincts would have to wait for if and when Orochimaru showed his true skin.
Author's Note
And there's the fate of the poor Kumo shinobi- I made up his name, for the record, as he doesn't actually have one in canon. Anyway, yeah, this felt like a good chance to show Discord's mind-altering abilities, which are probably some of the scariest and most useful abilities to the ninjas.
And yes, Orochimaru is still here. Primarially because he finds Discord fascinating. Anyway, there will be one more chapter before another major time skip. Hope you all enjoyed this until than, stay safe out there!
gofundme.com/f/akumakami64
Minato sweat-dropped at the sight of the ryoma sitting in his living room while drinking a sake cup of some unknown liquid. "Any particular reason you're here, Kami-Sama, or did your shrine run out of sake?"
"Oh, like I'm some sort of Kami of alcohol," Discord quipped with a jovial snort. "So, how's my nephew doing?"
"He's well. A bit too smug that he and his uncle rescued a "literal princess" in his words, but I can't exactly blame him," Minato answered with an amused smile.
"Well, he'll be smugger when he starts rescuing them all on his own, I imagine," Discord retorted with a chuckle.
"You say that like you know something. Muchi-Dono, you holding out on some future-sight powers?" Kushina accused with narrow, accusing eyes.
"Don't worry your little red head, Tomato-Chan," Discord responded, enjoying her intensifying glare at the nickname. "I can't and have no desire to foresee the future and spoil all the good stuff for myself. But I know the stench of destiny anywhere. That boy will have an eventful life if nothing else. Good or bad is largely up to him and, well, those around him," Discord answered with a smile.
"That much was obvious."
Discord snorted, glancing over his shoulder at the third ningen. "Toad-Kun, how nice of you to show up. You only missed Naruto's birthday by two and a half months," he chided in disapproval.
"I was a bit busy. Running a spy network and being a great author can be a bit time consuming," Jirayia remarked neutrally as he came to sit on the chair opposite of the chimeric entity. "But you wouldn't understand such mortal issues, eh, Kami-Sama?" he asked with a smirk.
Discord frowned as the sage produced a bottle of sake and poured himself some, the married couple watching on warily. Ever since they first met, Discord found himself on the untrusting end of Jiraiya's scrutiny. The seal master neither liked nor trusted him, and Discord cared little for his disapproval. "Do I need to turn you into a frog again, Toad-Kun?" Discord warned as he gulped down his own drink.
"Oh, far be it from me to offend the great Kami of candy and bubbles," Jirayia retorted sarcastically.
"Oi, both of you!" Kushina interrupted. "Ero-Sennin, if I can call him Muchi-DONO after all the times he's called me Tomato-Chan, you can at least be polite!" she scolded to the white haired man, who almost looked to be pouting under his glare of his student's wife. "And you, Muchi-Dono! You are both guests in our house, so behave!"
Now Discord was full out pouting with his arms crossed. "He started it!" he whined, getting unimpressed looks. "No, seriously, I don't get what his problem is with me!"
"Really? Cause I distinctly recall you refusing to answer any questions about what you did with the Kyuubi or how you are certain it will stay contained," Jirayia retorted evenly.
"Noooo, I did answer you, I just told you it wasn't your concern anymore," Discord corrected, giving an exasperated look to Minato and Kushina. "I swear his mind is going with his old age."
"I'm thirty-nine you mismatched asshole!" Jirayia defended with a tick mark.
"Keep talking, I'll turn you into a tadpole the moment you're out the door," Discord challenged with growing annoyance.
"Enough!" Minato declared, and to his credit, both males quieted. "With all due respect to both of you, I didn't ask Jirayia-Sensei here for a pissing-contest in my home."
"Oh, he's cursing, Mina-kun is mad," Discord noted aloud. "Well, I will concede his presence must mean it's something serious."
"And I am actually glad you are here, Muchitsujo-Sama. The discussion relates to you, indirectly," Minato informed grimly.
Discord raised a brow at that, before looking to the spymaster. "Did you find something out about our masked ghosty?"
Jirayia turned serious as he swallowed his disagreements with the god before him. "No, but I'm happy to inform that the Uchiha issue is resolved."
"Oh, so the rumor that the fan-clan summoned the Furball is no longer an issue?" Discord inquired idly.
Minato nodded. "Thanks to some...rumor spreading of our own, and seeing as the Kyuubi never actually stopped in its rampage, the common misconception is no longer that someone from the clan controlled it to attack the village, but some of them tried and failed to stop it with their Sharingan," he informed with a smile.
Discord grinned. "I'd recommend hinting that Fugaku-kun was the one who tried it, if you have to point at anyone specific," he suggested mischievously.
"Brown nosing? That's not like you, Muchi-Dono?" Kushina asked, unconvinced as she leaned down to give him a suspicious stare. "What do you know?"
"Oh, nothing for sure, just a suspicion," Discord answered mysteriously.
"More evidence for why I don't trust you," Jiraiya remarked dryly.
"What can I say? I work in mysterious ways," Discord retorted proudly. "Still, all around good news for Konoha. A bloodline protected and a founding clan no longer suspected to be the masterminds behind one of the biggest disasters you lot ever had to deal with."
"This is true, Kami-Sama, and why Jiraiya-Sama was already on his way back when he heard about the Kumo situation," Minato explained as he took a deep breath. "And thanks to your help with the kidnapper, we were able to get a confession out of him."
"That should put the fear of Me into them, when Akinori-kun tells his Kage and old comrades what happened to him. That ability always freaks mortals out," Discord mused with a chuckle.
"Akinori is in a coma," Jiraiya informed bluntly, Discord's laugh dying off instantly. "He bit off his own tongue and tried to take his own life after your...Jutsu wore off. The medics managed to sedate and stabilize him."
Discord stared at the Sannin for a moment before reaching over to grab the sake and took a swing of it. "Well, I didn't expect that," Discord admitted, scratching his cheek with a distracted look.
"You turned a man inside out and made him betray everything he ever stood for. What did you reasonably expect to happen?" Jiraiya questioned with a scowl.
"I've done worse, and yet, that's the first time a mortal reacted that negatively," Discord answered as he sat the bottle down. "And what high horse are you trying to be on? They were literally torturing him for information before I stepped in, I don't see you getting on the case of the ANBU."
The white haired man just shook his head with a sigh. "You wouldn't get it, Kami-Sama. If there's nothing else, Minato, I need to go keep an ear out for whatever reaction Kumo will have to the situation."
Discord watched as the man vanished, turning to the clearly tired pair. "Okay, did I mess up some cultural taboo or does Toad-Kun just have a stick up his ass about me?" he inquired in confusion. It was strange, but Jiraiya's dislike for him more confused him than bothered him.
"My mentor can be a difficult man to read sometimes," Minato admitted with a sigh.
"I'm guessing Akinori-Kun's condition complicates things?" Discord asked with a scowl.
"Less than you might think, since we got a confession," Kushina assured with a small smile. "While hardly practiced anymore, he basically failed at improvised seppuku."
Discord would have shivered if he was mortal; ritualistic suicide to redeem one's honor. He had seen and heard of it before, but it was always a weird concept to a chaotic being like himself. "Well, you at least have one piece of leverage over Kumo now, Mina-Kun."
"I'm not sure how much, but the confession should at least keep them from threatening to go to war with us, Muchitsujo-Sama," Minato agreed with a nod.
"Hmm? No, not that," Discord waved off. "I meant that Kumo's Raikages are building a reputation for kidnapping underage girls."
The married pair blinked as they caught on. "Are you suggesting we paint Kumo as a bunch of pedophiles?" Kushina inquired, trying to fight off a smirk.
Discord gave them both curious looks. "Considering this attempt was on a three year old, are you absolutely sure they aren't?" he genuinely inquired. "Regardless if they ultimately are or aren't, it sure might look that way. More importantly, seeing as these ninja villages are essentially mercenary forces in a sense, how many of their customers will want to keep coming to a place that kidnaps children for their genetics?"
"That is devious and I am in full support, Muchi-Dono!" Kushina agreed with a grin, her husband giving her an unimpressed look. "Oh, don't give me that look. We don't have to actually spread that implication around, just threaten to do so if they keep threatening us with war."
Minato sighed as he gave Discord a disapproving look. "I'd like to say you're a bad influence on my wife, Muchitsujo-Sama, but I know for a fact she has always been like this," he stated, getting grins from both of them. "I'll consider using that tactic."
Discord stared at him inquisitively before a light bulb went off over his head. "Oh, I get it! I keep forgetting you were only Hokage for a couple of years before we met; you haven't had to run a smear campaign before, have you?"
"Muchitsujo-Sama, please do not make that sound like that is something remarkable," Minato requested with a deadpan.
Sometime Later, in Kumo
"WHAT!?"
"Konoha claims that Akinori was captured trying to kidnap the daughter of Haishi Hyuuga," Mabui repeated with a scowl as she looked at the message. "They even claim that he confessed to it being a secret mission from you, Raikage-Sama."
"Yes, I know THAT! My blood is raging enough from that, but they have the gall to try and threaten to expose us as so-called child rapists?!" A raged, seething at his already-destroyed desk.
"While obviously not true, combating that rumor will take a lot of time due to the ...circumstances supporting it, Sir," Mabui pointed out carefully.
"Damn that Akinori! I'll rip his tongue out myself when I see him!" A fumed for a long moment, causing him to notice Mabui's uneasy hesitation. "What is it, Mabui? Is Akinori dead?"
"No, no. But they said that after the confession, he tried to kill himself by biting off his own tongue, A-Sama," Mabui explained delicately.
A stared for a moment, scowling. "Akinori is not the kind of man to turn coward. I can believe Konoha having the ability to break a man's will, but if he was going to take his own life, it would have been before he told them anything," he commented, looking pensive. "Was there anything else?"
"Well, yes, but it's rather strange," Mabui answered, her voice dripping with uncertainty as she looked back at the scroll. "PS: While he is in our custody, Konoha did not capture your Head Ninja. PPS: Would you like a word with the one who did capture him?"
"It actually says that, word for word? Are they mocking? Of course I'd want a word with the bastard that did this!" A retorted loudly.
"Well, here I am."
On instinct, A was already turning to strike the intruder, his fist cackling with lighting chakra, only to make impact with nothing.
Yet, his target was right in front of him.
"Are you quite done?" Discord asked with a bored tone, as if he didn't notice that his midsection had opened to form a hole completely through his body, big enough for A's fist to fit through.
"A-Sama!" Mabui yelled, reaching for her kunai.
"Stand down, Mabui!" A ordered, glaring at the entity while sweating bullets. Reluctantly, the Kumo kunoichi obeyed. "Muchitsujo-Sama, the Kami of Chaos I take it?" A asked tensely, refusing to be the first to budge, his arm still passing through the divine creature.
"That would be correct, A, Son of A," Discord confirmed with his arms crossed. "You're probably wondering why I'm here."
"I assume it is to threaten us into submission on Konoha's behalf?" A asked, bold yet calm.
"Oh no. You can continue your little cold wars with any and all villages you desire," Discord assured with a smile that was too kind to be true. "But every now and then, I do like to get involved. And after I heard that your father tried this same shtick years ago with my good friend, Kushina Uzumaki? She still has a grudge over that, you know? You're lucky "I" took a shot at Akinori-kun before she could."
"Akinori?" A repeated, briefly surprised before his head pulsed with rage induced veins. "What did you do to him?"
"Nothing at all, I just talked to him," Discord answered with a chuckle. "It was a good time! You wouldn't believe the things he had to say about you, A-hole."
A's other fist rocketed to Discord's head. Or it would have if his first fist, upon exiting the magically created hole in Discord's body, hadn't dragged him down and slammed his body into the desk. The Raikage grit his teeth, feeling like his arm weighed a hundred thousand times more than it should.
"Raikage-Sama!" Mabui yelled as she reached for a kunai again, only to blink as she found her hand stuck in her kunai bag.
"Will you pipe down? The big boys are having a meeting." Discord said condescendingly as he looked at the struggling Kage. "Look, A-boy? I really don't care about mortal politics. You squabble over the most inane of things. No, I'm just here to give you a little warning. Try to kidnap another kid, ANY kid, for their bloodline like this again? Well, that'll be strike three. And do you know what I'll do when you strike out?" Discord asked calmly, almost politely.
A glared up at the god, humiliation fueling his rage as he refuse to answer.
Discord continued on, producing a single silver coin between his talons before showing both sides to the Raikage: the head of a cat and the head of an ox. "I will toss this coin, and whichever it lands on will be the beast your village loses. Not to Konoha, but to me." He grinned as he saw the wide eyes of the Raikage, as if seeing right through him. "Ahh, I see the gears are finally turning. I already know what you're thinking. No, you won't be able to pick. So next time you think about trying this, know that you will be gambling your brother on it."
A's rage simmered down into a scowl. "I understand, Kami-Sama," he answered through tightly grit teeth. Instantly, all the weight in his arm was gone, allowing him to rise. Mabui managed to pull her hand free before finding that all her kunai had turned to bubblegum- which made her pale a bit at the implication, having heard the stories of the Kyuubi being stopped with just that. "What was that about NOT intimidating us into submission?" A asked, rolling his shoulder.
"You're very brash. I like that," Discord complimented with a smile that just might have been genuine. "And I'm not. You could declare war on Konoha tomorrow and you won't see me until you're in the village. I'd take issue no matter which village did this to who, even Konoha. But seriously, why do you need to steal bloodlines? I thought you of all villages would be collecting clans and ninja running from the civil war in the bloody bog?" Discord inquired with legitimate curiosity.
A stared for a moment, realizing this god was genuinely asking about his village's problems. "The Mizukage that started the war was a Jinchuriki, of the Sanbi. He made it rather difficult to undertake already complicated missions like that into a ninja civil war, let alone one into Kiri," A explained begrudgingly.
"Right, mortals here largely can't fly. Getting to a large island is already problem enough without it being a place with a reputation for being hidden in mists," Discord conceded, scratching his chin thoughtfully.
"You come into my office, threaten and humiliate me, and now you're acting like you're going to help us?" A asked with growing annoyance. "What kind of trick is this?"
"None. And if I really want to humiliate you, this would have been a lot more public," Discord informed bluntly. "Now, do you want some divine advice or not?"
"I obviously couldn't stop you from speaking if I wanted, so is there a reason for me to even answer?" A asked indignantly.
"Rude, but true," Discord admitted before giving A a knowing smile. "All I want to point out is this: That little turtle zoo of yours seems to be going to waste as nothing more than a training ground," Discord stated as A's eyes went wide.
"Konoha knows about that?" he asked in disbelief.
"No, just me," Discord informed with a chuckle. "But come on, A-boy! Summoning giant creatures are a thing in this world of yours, and yet you seem to under using a very large stock of them.'
A stared at Discord for a moment, pondering not only the meaning of the words, but the very idea of trusting any advice this god living in Konoha would dare give him.
"Well, I think that's the end of this little session. I'll see you soon, Raikage-Kun," Discord said ominously before giggling. "But only because even a hundred years is a short time for me. Toodles!"
A blinked as the ryoma before him dissolved in a colorful mess of gummy bears of all things.
"Raikage-Sama, are you alright?" Mabui asked in concern.
"A force I likely cannot attack head on just threatened my brother. Of course I'm not alright!" A answered with a growl as he glared out the window. "What are Konoha's demands, Mabui?"
"Sir?" Mabui inquired uncertainly.
"This isn't the time to test if this Muchitsujo is bluffing about not interfering with Konoha's fight. For now, we'll hold up this treaty and, grrr, compensate them for this infraction, if needed," A relented bitterly.
"And his advice?" Mabui asked in worry.
A snorted. "As if I would be so foolish as to listen to that serpent!"
Meanwhile
"I'm sorry, where were we? Whose move was it?" Discord asked as he reappeared in a high class hotel room, complete with a great view of Konoha.
"I believe it was your turn, Muchitsujo-Sama," the old man opposite him answered calmly, as if the draconequus never left, before motioning to the shogi board.
"Ahh, splendid!" Discord said as he took a seat and continued playing.
"How did the meeting with the Raikage go?" the old man asked calmly as he mulled over his next move for a moment before seizing another of Discord's pieces, a promoted pawn.
"Oh, pretty well. I don't think anyone will have to worry about Kumo trying to steal their children. Ransom and other hired jobs not withstanding," Discord answered as he moved his ryoma piece around the enemy lines.
His playing partner narrowed his eye as he spied multiple paths to victory and defeat. "Such is the way of things. But I doubt one of your might had only that to say to the Shadow over the Cloud Village."
Discord chucked, even as his favored piece was becoming boxed in. "Oh, nothing much," he said innocently before laughing. "Oh, I barely kept a straight face. No, I just made sure he'll either rush in and screw up one of his greatest untapped resources or, knowing his pride, make him unable to ever make use of it knowing that I suggested it first," Discord mused as his opponent sprung a trap. "We'll know pretty soon. It'll be hard for Kumo to hide it if they start training giant beasts."
"Check next turn," the man stated, nodding to the board.
"Really?" Discord asked as he moved his pawn forward. "Checkmate."
The human blinked. He had been so busy focusing on the Ryoma piece, that he failed to take note of this simple pawn. If he took it, his king would still be in check. If he moved away, the ryoma or another promoted piece would be lined up to take it. "Well played, Ryoma-Sama."
"Well played as well, Danzo-Kun," Discord said, shaking his hand. "I'm glad to see that retirement has treated you well."
"I felt there was little need or ability for me to continue as I had. After all, you moved Every Single Root Agent I had when you introduced yourself to the world," Danzo reminded with a hint of annoyance. "After that, it was obvious that between the likes of you, Minato Namikaze, the Sannin? Konoha's bright future would only be hampered by my more involved interference. My agents and I now simply serve as the watchdogs for the major threats to the village, alongside the Toad Sannin."
"Hm, you handled your people not needing you far better than someone I know did," Discord mused, almost in praise.
Author's Note
Annnnd there's chapter 5. Hope you all enjoyed it. I actually redid half this chapter- there was a scene that I decided was between used next chapter after a timeskip. Still, yeah, Discord threatened Kumo into not stealing kids for their bloodlines and, as my beta said, "Is now living rent free in A's head" as he plays full master manipulator, and has a friendly time with Danzo of all people, who retired. Might seem a bit out of character, but Konoha has a lot more odds in its favor now than in canon, even without Discord.
Oh, yeah, and we nixed the Uchiha problem with little issue. I just can't imagine the Konoha-Uchiha thing reaching canon level of problems with Minato still at the helm, who knows what happened that night. The worst they had to do was damage control about the rumors of the Uchiha controlling the Kyuubi.
To all those not familiar with late game Naruto stuff, yes, the third Raikage and fourth Raikage have the same name, and its just "A". Kumo is weird sometimes.
Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this. Next chapter we skip ahead some more years.
Also, May the 4th be with you!
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Discord glanced towards the horizon as he flew through the sky. Dawn would be coming soon. He was tempted to push it back another hour or two, but he felt no need to set of more alarm bells for his ningen allies. Besides, he was saving that for a special occasion.
Besides, the moon felt weird in this world, and he hadn't bothered to investigate that yet.
Throwing that thought out of the window of his mind, he continued his journey back to the Forest of Death and focused his attention onto something else.
Namely, his shrine.
He never asked for it, and Minato confirmed that it wasn't anything official. It was just something the citizens of Konoha made.
It had appeared about a month after the Kyuubi Incident or the Foxy Problem, as Discord liked to call it. Back then, it was just a set of three makeshift pillars of stone, each with a wooden statue of his likeness upon them. And before them was a wide stone bowl that people put offerings into. It had evolved over time. Every few months, there was something new about it: a circle of wooden poles around it, decorated with shide-streamers. Then a small torii gate was added. Later, two ema walls bearing prayers and wishes. Now it even had a small building around the statues and prayer walls, serving as a haiden: a hall of worship. Behind the statues was a large window, giving full view to the Forest of Death.
Discord would never admit it, but he had been speechless when he first found the shrine and realized what it was; he was even more so when the offerings came. Or rather, when they didn't stop. He fully expected that, after the first year, the offerings would trickle down. After all, he didn't answer prayers or actively give open aid to the village at large. Yet, the offerings kept coming: some spare money, a family heirloom or two, alcohol of various quality, all manners of food, fine quality weapons and other knickknacks. Kids even slipped in drawings and candy, which he always enjoyed finding. It wasn't all grand, but Discord couldn't deny how much he looked forward to checking to see what the ningen had left him. And he could preserve any food they left him for a later date.
So here he was, in the dead of night, checking about the latest gifts from the ningen of Konoha.
Of course, he hadn't expected it to be occupied when he entered.
"Don't you have a child to be gushing over?" Discord asked in surprise to the woman kneeling before the statues, hands in a prayer with two sticks of incense burning.
"Muchitsujo-Dono!" she exclaimed in shock as she turned, but did not rise from her kneeling position as the God of the shrine floated through the entrance. "I am-"
"I know who you are, Hibana-Chan," Discord headed her off, tilting his head at the mother. "It's been a few years, but it's hard to forget when you hugged me for saving your little sunshine. Kushina never lets you live that down, or so Ruto-Kun tells me."
Hibana looked a bit embarrassed as Discord floated by her idly. "Yes, well, I didn't expect you to start floating all of a sudden, Muchitsujo-Sama," she stated before turning serious, facing forward again as he moved. "It is long overdue, but I came to express my eternal gratitude for saving my daughter, Muchitsujo-Sama," she declared, prostrating herself fully against the floor.
Discord paused in his inspection of his offering bowl, blinking at the over the top display. "You're quite welcome, Hibana-Chan. I take it that this is from you then?"
The wife of the Hyuuga Clan Head looked up from her bowing position to see a neatly folded piece of clothing tied with a silver silk bow in his claw. "Yes, Kami-Sama. I hope you find it most appealing," she admitted humbly.
Discord raised an eyebrow as he pulled away the ribbon and unfolded the clothing. He knew that clothing was a suitable offering to local Gods in this world, but none had ever given him any-likely due to him having not felt the need to take a human form. Yet, as the clothing floated in the air on full display, he honestly could admit to being impressed. The kimono was of fine quality, a steely grey accented by a lining that faded back and forth between dull pink and light purple. Its measurements were deliberately designed for him, allowing it to wrap around his proportions rather well with a divide down the back for his tail. The hakama was green with brown zigzag lines and a hole, also to fit his tail. The whole thing was brought together by an orange obi and a black haori with a yellow circle on the back with the red kanji for Muchitsujo of Chaos within it.
To say the least, it was all terribly clashing with colors. "Now this is true fashion," Discord praised with a grin as Hibana let out a breath of relief. "So, what are you here for?"
"Huh? Kami-Sama, I just said to show gratitude for saving my daughter?" Hibana answered uncertainly, worried her gift offended him after all.
"No, that's what you said the gift was for. But I can tell that there is more on your mind," Discord answered as he vanished the clothing for later. "You were certainly looking to leave an impression with a gift like that."
Hibana looked a bit sheepish for being realized but composed herself quickly. "When I originally had the idea, I intended to give it when I was with child again, in hopes that you would bless their birth."
"..." Discord froze at that. Bless a baby's birth? Him? Seriously? "I am the Kami of Chaos, Hibana-Chan. Do you really want Chaos blessing your infant?" he asked curiously.
Hibana just smiled, completely genuine. "Of course, Muchitsujo-Sama. What better way to protect them from what they are not ready for?"
Discord supposed that was one way to look at it. "Well, I can't wait to see what the next gift you bust out for that occasion will be, Hibana-Chan," he said with a merry smile as he turned to leave.
"Actually," she called, halting the God who glanced back as she rose. "You are correct. There is one last thing, if you'll indulge me, Kami-Sama."
Discord felt a growing grimness as he saw the seriousness upon her face. "I'm listening."
"I do not pretend that a kimono is in any way equal to saving my daughter's life. That said, the Hyuuga clan itself owes you a debt now. And with respect, being indebted to a God can be...intimidating," Hibana explained carefully. "To that end, as wife of the Clan Head, I wished to inquire about a proposal that has been discussed amongst my family and clan elders."
"Wait, I'm still catching up on all your culture's little nuances; is this the part where you offer me a maiden of your clan?" Discord asked playfully.
"Yes?"
Discord blinked at Hibana's amused head tilt. "Well played, Ningen, well played," he admitted with a brief clap of his forelimbs before humming in interest. "What exactly do you mean by 'Yes' in this case?"
"Well, while this shrine of yours grows more and more every year, it doesn't have someone to actually attend it," Hibana answered with a smile. "If it is agreeable to you, we intend to arrange for a Hyuuga maiden, as you say, to be the Miko of your shrine."
Discord just stared at that, allowing his brain to reboot and process that word. "A Miko. A Shrine Maiden. A Priestess. For me?" he repeated curiously.
"Is there a problem, Muchitsujo-Sama?" Hibana asked in confusion.
"No, no. I've heard the term before in worlds with similar cultures to yours, buuuut most Miko don't have a shrine with a God as, shall we say, present as I am," he mused in interest.
"Neither do we in this world, Kami-Sama," Hibana assured with a hint of mirth in her voice.
"Then what would this entail, Hibana-Chan?" Discord asked, not having the context to make a good guess.
"Whatever you wish, I imagine, Muchitsujo-Sama," Hibana answered bluntly.
Discord truly let that sink in. This was going to be interesting if nothing else. "I imagine we'll all have to go in detail about this later, but I can be a patient God, Hibana-Chan. But I can't help wondering who your clan is considering?" Discord questioned before looking just a tad worried and annoyed. "It's not Hinata, right? Because I am not stealing my nephew's first princess."
"Not exactly, Muchitsujo-Sama," Hibana answered with a small smile, though confused by the word "first" by the God. "As I said, I originally intended the kimono to be an offering to bless my next child."
Discord watched the mother with a bewildered look before his eyes trailed down to her stomach. "...Hibana? What I'm about to say, stays between us," Discord stated firmly, getting an alarmed nod from Hibana. "I have a pretty good idea what you're trying to do here. So, I'm not saying no, but I'm not going to say yes just yet," he informed as he stroked his goatee.
Hibana sighed in relief. "Thank you, Kami-Sama. If I may?" she asked, gesturing to the exit. Getting a nod, she bowed deeply before leaving his shrine.
Discord crossing his arms in thought over what he had just heard. "I should probably talk to Minato and Kushina about this," he mused before looking up thoughtfully before his eyes lit up in delight at something in the bowel. "Oh, Dango! The Little Snakeling has been here~!"
Timeskip
"So, is a Miko is considered the bride of her Kami in this world or not?"
Kushina spewed out a stream of chewed meat while Minato nearly choked on his own meal; Discord quickly summoned an umbrella out of his head to shield himself from the projectile food from his own side of the booth. "Where the hell did that come from!?" Kushina demanded.
"Tomato-Chan, I hate being on this side of things, but you're making a scene," Discord pointed out as the umbrella sank back into his skull before glancing around the barbecue restaurant. Granted they had already been stealing glances at the Hokage family and the local deity, but Kushina's outburst had drawn a lot of startled stares.
She blushed crimson as she sat down in a huff, while five year old Naruto helped pat his father on the back. The Yondiame Hokage gasped in relief as the food finally went down. "You alright, Tou-San?!" Naruto asked in concern.
"Yes, thank you, Naruto," Minato said with a sheepish look before giving Discord a disapproving look. "Your uncle just picks these conversations in the strangest times and places."
"Guilty," Discord answered with a grin. "And I was just wondering. I have a shrine and all now, so I thought I should ask what I should expect on that front, if anything."
"Well, that's not exactly a subject of interest here," Kushina grumbled, still annoyed with Discord- and herself, for that matter. "Shinobi villages aren't the most...religious of places."
"Says the wife of the man that summoned the wrong god," Discord countered with amusement. "Still, I don't know what you're so upset about. Minato already told me about that Divine Bestiality thing."
Kushina glared at her husband, who looked away innocently. "What's bestiality?" Naruto asked innocently as he munched on meat on a stick.
"We'll tell you when you're older," all three of them answered in sync. Discord if only because he wasn't in the mood to deal with the human tendency to avoid any talk of sex, especially around children.
"Aww," Naruto pouted as he continued to munch more aggressively.
"In any case, each shrine has its own traditions and such, so I guess that would be up to you?" Minato answered uncertainly. "Are you...looking for a bride?"
"Oh, no. No, definitely not. But if that was an expectation, I'd at least be taking human form...I'd say more often, but it'd really be me taking human form at all," Discord said with a grin.
Naruto blinked, and their fellow customers once more were looking to their table in surprise. "You have a human form, Muchi-Oji?" he asked in surprise.
"Yes, Naru-Chan, he just never uses it," Kushina answered, her eye roll more amused than annoyed.
"As far as she knows, Ruto-Kun," Discord said with a wide, toothy grin.
"I'm choosing to ignore that for my own sanity," Minato said with a sigh.
"Speaking of ladies though, how are things going between you and your little pet princess?" Discord asked teasingly.
"Hinata isn't a pet," Naruto retorted in confusion.
"With the way she follows you around, it might seem otherwise," Discord pointed out with a chuckle.
"Muchi-Dono, we've talked about you corrupting Naru-Chan," Kushina scolded warningly.
"Says the mother that's expecting him to have a harem," Discord countered with a victorious smirk.
"What's a harem and why do I want one?" Naruto asked with a head tilt, eliciting some laughs from around the room.
"Oi, stay out of this!" Kushina yelled out while glaring at the customers.
"Everyone, man and woman, fantasizes about having one eventually, Ruto-Kun," Discord said sagely.
"Don't tell him that," Minato requested with a sigh as he rubbed his eyes.
"Oh like you two haven't imagined the other treating you to a day of fun with Shadow Clones," Discord accused flatly. Both parents stiffened, glancing at one another before looking away quickly with faint blushes. "There, you both have an easy birthday present figured out for the other."
"Grownups are weird," Naruto decided without a care.
"Thank you, Ruto-Kun, I'll take that as a compliment!" Discord said proudly, hand over his chest.
Naruto chuckled. "You're the king of weird, Muchi-Oji."
"Crowned and certified," Discord added on, a paper crown appearing on his head. "But, seriously, how are things going with Little Nata? Her old man still a stick in the mud?"
"Yeah. I mean, he's not mean to me or anything, but he can be really hard on Hinata-Chan," Naruto answered with a grumble before grinning. "But I did make friends with her brother."
"...I'm sorry, what? Hiashi has a boy?" Discord asked in surprise as he scratched his chin. "I thought I would have recalled that."
"No, it's, um, complicated," Naruto paused as he tried to remember how to explain it.
"He means Hinata's cousin," Kushina supplied with an amused look at her son. "Their fathers are twins, so genetically, they're basically siblings."
"Oh. That's a thing here? Huh," Discord noted with a shrug. "Well, what's he like?"
"He's nice. Kind of...not shy, but...awkward, I guess?" Naruto answered with a shrug. "He's a year older than us and getting ready to go to the academy in a year or two."
"Didn't Silverboy graduate at like, what? Five?" Discord asked curiously.
"Hehe, Kaka-Niisan is cool," Naruto said with a wide grin.
"You're just saying that because you like his puppies," Discord remarked knowingly.
"That was during a war. I'd rather not rob children of their childhood during peace times," Minato countered pointedly
"I normally frown on education systems, but a place to teach kids to be magic ninjas is too amusing," Discord said with a laugh.
"Oh, and he really doesn't like Sasuke," Naruto added on thoughtfully.
"Fuga and Koto's younger brat?" Discord recalled before a look of bored realization came along. "Oh, right, the old rivalry of the Eye-clans."
"I love that you call them that," Kushina admitted with a grin.
"Why do you sound more disappointed in them by having Doujutsus than anything else, Muchitsujo-Sama?" Minato asked blandly.
"Because it's sooooo expected. Honestly, couldn't it have been the Inuzuka and Aburames? You know the clan of bug users had to have used fleas on the dog-clan at least once back before the ninja villages were founded," Discord pointed out.
"That would explain why their clan homes were on opposite sides of the village in the old days," Kushina pondered to herself.
Minato sighed briefly before looking curious. "That reminds me, though. Muchitsujo-Sama? Would you have anything to do with a child having his hands switched?" Minato asked with a raised eyebrow.
Discord looked owlish at that. "Huh, that was fast," he murmured.
"Hehe, someone got caught," Naruto said with a snickering grin.
"Naru-Chan, what are you talking about?" Kushina asked with a scolding look.
"Muchi-Oji found out some kids have been stealing from his shrine bowl, so he put a curse on it. The hand switching thing was my idea," Naruto said with a grin.
Kushina kept her stern look on her son before grinning proudly. "That's my clever little prankster," Kushina gushed as she tickled his stomach.
"K-kaa-San, not in front of everyone!" Naruto protested between laughs.
Discord and Minato shared amused looks at the redhead's antics. "So, yeah. I put that on today. I was going to tell you later, and ask on your opinion on how to get out the warning: drop fliers across the village so parents know if their children have been naughty, put my own little section in the newspaper, or go classic and just put up a warning sign no one will believe at first?" he asked cheekily.
"How about word of mouth, since you basically told everyone here?" Minato pointed out with a dry smirk, jabbing a thumb around them.
Discord looked around as if he had forgotten they were in public. "Oh, right. For the record, people? Children will not stick like this forever. The curse lasts a day and half, or until the kiddos return the goods. But feel free to tell them otherwise if you want to scare their pants off," Discord informed to the mass of people.
"Good. Because that boy was the son of Tsume Inuzuka, and she can be a bit...well, I suppose you'd say a Mama Wolf?" Minato tried with a shrug.
Discord rose an eyebrow. "Minato, I'm being completely serious when I ask this: has it evolved into a curse word here yet, or is there some other reason we can't call her Mama Bitch?"
Naruto, having returned to his food, snorted so hard in laughter that hot sauce came out his nose.
"Owowowowowowowow!" the blonde hissed in pain.
Kushina snickered at the display, her laughter making her unable to soothe her son, while Minato face palmed.
Discord taking a picture did nothing to help any of them.
Author's Note
Annnd there's yet another chapter and a strangely wholesome one. Not sure when the next timeskip will be, as this seems like a good time for stuff to happen.
So, yeah, Discord might be getting a Miko and it might just be Hanabi. Oh, and Discord got a shrine. Yay!
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