Humans (who shouldn't be) In Equestria

Chapter 2: Brennan Begins (to cause trouble)

I had been walking for minutes, hours, maybe even days. Nevertheless I continued forward. I would not lose hope, I would not give up, and I would not rest until I found civilization! But, god was I getting tired of walking. I almost collapsed from exhaustion. But after finally exiting the god-forbidden forest, I had found what i was looking for. A dirt road. Such a simple thing, but it filled me with unrivaled hope. For I knew that if there was a road, there was a path. A path created by somebody. Finally, my journey would come to an end!

I started running as fast as my legs could take me. I was filled with determination. Nothing could stop me! I suddenly gained a burst of speed as I saw something in the distance. As I got closer and could faintly make out the shapes of the blur... It was a town! I had finally found civilization! I had probably traveled quite a distance from when I had started, but it was finally worth it!

Or was it?

I skidded to a stop. Even at my distance, I could tell where I was. The colors, the designs of the buildings, the residents, it was all clear to me now what-

Wait, wait, wait, hold on a flipping second, when did the writing style suddenly change?

*ahem* Sorry about that. Moving on!

Brennan dropped to his knees. It was right in front of him, clear as crystal, but he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His mouth hung open, his arms limp, and he occasionally twitched. What he saw in front of him was somewhat expectable, in an ironic way, but at the same time shocking and cruel. But now he knew exactly what his situation was.

The city was the town of Ponyville. He was in My Little *Fucking** Pony!*

He suddenly went from shock and confusion to a frustrated state of rage. His body went stiff for a moment. He then clenched his fists, raised his head to the sky, and screamed “DAMN YOU, FATE!!”

“Who was that?”

“Hello? Is anypony out there?”

“Nyeah!” Upon hearing the two approaching voices, Brennan quickly dove into the nearest bush.

He peeked out of the to get a better look at the random encounter. He couldn’t recognize their voices from what he'd watch of the accursed program. They were both mares. One was a green unicorn with a white and green striped mane, and the other was yellow earth pony, with a curly mane that was half blue, half pink. They were curiously looking around, trying to find whoever was yelling five seconds ago. The yellow one got closer to his location. Slowly, closer, and closer... 'Ah crap.' She was just about to poke her head into his ill-chosen hiding spot when her friend called for her.

“Come on, Bon Bon! We can't keep looking for mysterious voices. You need to get back to your job and I have lessons to continue.”

“Alright. I just hope whoever it was isn't in trouble.”

Brennan held back a sigh of relief until they were at safe distance. He climbed up the nearest tree. I’m not even sure why, maybe he just wanted to climb a tree, but that's not relevant right now. When he was in the tree he found a sturdy branch to sit on and, well, sat on it.

He looked down, and there was the dirt road he was just kneeling on. It lead left to the town of Ponyville, and his imminent doom, and right went straight to who-the-hell-knows-where. On his side of the road was a forest. Maybe it was the one he left not too long ago, but maybe not. He wasn't exactly paying attention. On the other side of the trail was a field. Just a big, pointless, empty field.

'Well, maybe not completely empty.' There were two visible lifeforms in the field. Both were, not surprisingly, ponies. Unlike the last pair though, they were far enough away not to notice him. Heck, he could barely get a clear view of them. Still, he knew them the instant he caught glimpse of the blurs. One was airborn, active, and possibly restless. Her color scheme made her easily distinguishable from the average palatte-swaped backgrounder. Bright blue coat and a multi-color mane. There was no mistaking that-

“This description is boring. HIYA! What’s your name?”

“GAHHOLYSHITWHATTHEF-”

[PAUSE]

Now, some of you readers out there may be confused as to what's going on. You may be asking things, like:

"Why does Brennan seem so pissed about being here?"

"Why does this guy seem to know so much, yet so little?"

"Why did the author have to interrupt the story? I was reading that, *thank you!***"

"Why the hell am I reading this piece of crap in the first place?"

"Did I leave the lights on in the kitchen?"

Allow me to explain everything. Brennan is kind of bi-polar about the whole My Little Pony thing. On one hand he kinda likes the stuff, thinks of ideas for fanfics, talks about ponies with Jordan, watches clips from the show (but has forbidden himself from watching a whole episode because he’s kind stubborn), etc. He’s even drawn stuff a few times, which were immidiately hidden from the rest of the world in an unknown hidden location (Jordan's room). But, on the other hand, he-

"LET THE GALAXY BURN!"

“MAIM! KILL! BURN! MAIM! KILL! BURN!”

“DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPRESS!”

...Yeah, pretty much that.

Now back to the story!

[UNPAUSE]

“-UCK!” The pink, high pitched blur that came from seemingly nowhere startled Brennan so much he lost his balance and fell out of the tree onto his back. Quickly getting onto his feet, ignoring his pain and knowing he had been spotted by one of the residents, he ran deep into the forest to avoid any potential pursuers.

Meanwhile, in a forest somewhere else...

The clearing was silent, bathing in the mid-day sunlight. The only sound to be heard was the birds chirping in the distance. All was calm and quiet...

“Are you sure this is the place?” said one figure, as him and a second were just arriving in the clearing.

“Positive,” the other replied.

The first looked around, and then fixed his glare at the other. “Then why isn’t anything here?”

“Because,” the second retorted, “with the amount of time we took with your ‘detour,’ it could have made it as far as Whinnypeg by now!”

“Don’t talk to me like that!” the first replied, raising his voice to assert his authority. “Do you forget who you’re talking to?”

The second wasn’t fazed. “You mean a hot-headed moron who can’t follow orders properly?” Without waiting for a response, knowing well that it would just make matters worse, he walked on ahead. Following the tracks leading deeper into the forest, he hypothesized he would capture his prey by the end of the week.

"Wait up! You should at least tell me when you decide to wander off!"

Make that a week and a half.

Meanwhile, in the other forest...

Brennan was running, fast on his little feet, being careful to dodge any trees in his path. He didn’t know where he was going, but-

“Wait a second,” Brennan skidded to a stop, “where am I?” He looked around, but still couldn’t figure it out. True, it was a forest, but not the same as the one he started off in. This forest was darker, gloomier, it just didn’t seem natural. He was so focused on this confusing setting that he almost didn’t notice the rustling in the bushes behind him.

“Huh?” Almost. “Who’s there?”

The response was more noises, noises moving in a circle around him.

The lone soldier found a large stick on the ground and quickly armed himself. “Imma beat ‘cha with ma beatin’ stick!”

This time the rustling stopped, maybe his threat worked! But after a short silence, something started to poke its head out of the bushes. It was...

“A chicken? I was worried for a second there...” It continued to rise from the bush, revealing its reptilian body. It cocked its head towards Brennan, staring at him with his red, soul-piercing eyes. “That’s no chicken!!”

Meanwhile, back on earth...

Jordan was at home, sitting at the computer like he usually did, leaning on his left arm and scrolling with his right. He was doing what his schedule normally consisted of; procrastinating on the many things he should've been doing on Tumblr and other distraction death-trap websites. Suddenly, he remembered what happened not too long ago on his coffee run.

“Shit, I should do something to help Brennan!” Then, instead of getting up from his comfortable slouching position, he thought for a moment. After deciding his next course of action, he immediately acted upon it. “Nah, I’m sure he’s fine." The so-called friend of our protagonist continued scrolling through an endless waves of cartoon horses and bad jokes.

Meanwhile, back in Equestria...

It was nice day outside. The air was warm, the flowers were in full bloom, and everything was quiet. It felt almost perfect.

Fluttershy was sitting by herself, watching the clouds roll by in front of her secluded home near the edge of the Everfree forest. She was so close to what probably is the most dangerous part of the area, but she didn’t mind. The timid Pegasus was having a great day. The weather was nice, there were no troubles involving the animals, and she even got a bouquet of flowers on her doorstep from a secret adm-

Suddenly, there was a crash. Shortly after it was the sound of something coming out of the forest. The mare was scared for a moment, but relaxed a little when she heard a voice.

“Y-yeah! You better run, you... demon lovechild of a cock and an iguana!”

The voice wasn't one she heard before, making her hesitant, but the fact that there was a voice meant that it was probably just another pony.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t expecting anything like what she saw. The creature was skinny, bipedal, and it’s only brown hair was covering the top of its head. It was also wearing strange clothing; blue jeans, a black sweater with green stripes that have a fading effect, shoes, and a white t-shirt with a strange symbol on it.

What scared the pegasus wasn’t just its sudden appearance, or its size (she had stood up to the likes of manticores and dragons after all). What left her terrified was the fact that it was part of a species she had never seen before, one that was clearly intelligent, and violent.

“Hmm?” It apparently had noticed her during her state of panic, and was now looking straight at her. “Hello? Are-“

Fluttershy took no more time to hesitate and sprung towards her front door. Back to panicking, she quickly unlocked the door, ran inside, and cowered under the blankets left on the couch for when she was going to fold laundry. The frightened mare peeked out of her fabric shelter to look out the window, to see if it was still out there. Nothing. It couldn’t be seen anywhere. Even though the coast looked clear she decided she would stay inside, for another hour or so, just to be safe.

Meanwhile, somewhere where I can hopefully stop with this “meanwhile” crap...

“Huh?” Brennan stared at the building the pony sprinted into. He hadn’t gotten a good look at her, but he knew she was scared. “Hello? I didn’t mean to startle you!” He strode up and examined the door, tapped on it a few times. No answer. 'Duh!' he thought. He leaned over near a window and peered inside. Obviously, the resident was hiding. Just as well. He would have stayed a bit longer, attempt to reason with the horse, but he heard distant voices getting closer. ‘I can try to make peace with them,' Brennan thought, 'but I have no idea how they’ll react. I am a stranger in a strange world, after all.’

The voices were drawing closer.

‘Okay, different plan. I get out of here, come back when I’m more prepared, when I know just what exactly I’m up against. That way, if and when it comes down to blows, I have a better grasp of how to fight them.’ Brennan turned, sprinted into the underbrush, grabbing his makeshift club as he went. He ran for about maybe 5 minutes, and then stopped by a tree trunk to catch his breath. The voices were gone, and the house was out of sight.

Brennan sat down, cross legged....and heard his stomach growl. ‘Ugh. Okay, first, food, then analyze what I’m up against.’ Brennan stood up. “I need food,” He thought aloud. “But where? Where?”  Suddenly, from above he was hit on the head by a big, round, juicy, red... “Apples! Convenient.” He stood up and looked around at the surrounding area. Apple trees, and they were everywhere! “I hit the jackpot!” He then proceeded to climb the tree he was closest to, and began picking the fruit. “Wait a second,” he crawled along the branch he was resting on, and looked out into the rows of apple trees. Rows of trees... “These trees are aligned a little bit too perfectly.” He then heard whistling coming from a distance. “Yeah, I knew this was too good. This has to be an orchard of some sort. And is this is an orchard, the there must be a farmer. And if there’s a farmer, then....” realization dawned on Brennan in an instant. “Aw crap.”

He looked in the direction of the whistling. After deciding that he should not be caught here red-handed, he began to move through the treetops as silently as possible. Which, surprisingly, was pretty damn silent. Then she came into view. ‘Of course.’

She was a mare, obviously, but stronger built with a blonde mane, orange coat and stereotypical western hat on her head. Her weird, happy-fun-time-tattoo-thing was, shockingly, a picture of apples. ‘Applejack,’ he thought. He didn’t remember much about what little Jordan said of her, but he does remember that she make a living out of kicking apple trees, and Jordan mumbling about a lack of episodes or something. He didn’t really care, he was too busy Halo-ing.

‘Okay, he thought. I need to play it cool. Pretend I don’t know I’m stealing. Better yet, pretend I don’t know where I am in the first place. That would be even easier.’

Brennan sheathed his club in the back of his shirt, slid down the tree and crept up to the orange mare sitting with her back to him.

Applejack had sat down for a slight rest, just for a brief moment, to enjoy the day a bit before she got back to work. She breathed a content sigh. The peace was shattered, however, when she felt a heavy, blunt piece of driftwood poke her twice in the side of her head, just under her ear.

“What the hay-” She turned and almost skittered a few steps away from the creature. It was tall, sort of, and clothed. In one hand, it clasped an oak branch, in the other, a trio of her perfectly good apples. Then it spoke;

“Yo, what’s up?”