Purple porcelain poo-processing princess
"Thanks so much for inviting me here," Kerfuffle said. "This castle is really something."
"It grew from a box made by the Tree of Harmony," Twilight explained.
"Uh... huh. Well, okay, then. I hate to ask, but is there a bathroom I could use? The train ride was a little long."
"Nope, sorry. But if you can hold it, I wanna show you something that won't take long."
"Oh. Sure."
Twilight made small talk as she led the way to the map room, taking a circuitous route that avoided walking past any of the castle's many bathrooms.
"And that's how I defeated Starlight Glimmer and made her be my friend," Twilight said.
"Ah, yeah, that's great and all, but it's been dang near an hour now, and I really, really need to use the little filly's room. Does one of your neighbors have one? Or is there an outhouse or anything?" Kerfuffle asked, grimacing as she clenched, trying to keep herself from literally losing her shit.
"Are you sure you can't wait? I still haven't told you about when I beat Chrysalis and reformed the changelings..." Twilight frowned, putting just enough disappointment in her tone to be sure that, if the kind mare could wait, she would.
"I... I really can't," Kerfuffle said, sounding genuinely upset. "I would have done it at the train station, but you told me to get here as quick as I could."
Twilight nodded. "I did say that. Okay, well, if you reeeaaaallly can't wait, then I guess we'll need to take a quick ten minute trot over to town hall, where the only restrooms in town are."
Kerfuffle's heart sank, and the poo clogging her bowels was rivaled only by the dread filling her chest. "O-okay," she said, trying to put on a brave face. "Let's go, then."
"Sure. Oh, by the way, the doors out of this room lock, but luckily I have the key ring right here. Come on, I'll tell you about the changelings on the way there." Twilight floated over a key ring from a conveniently nearby drawer. It had maybe thirty keys dangling from it, and it jingled as she chose one before putting it in the door's lock. She tried to turn it, but it didn't move. "Hmm. Gotta jiggle it sometimes. This lock can be so finnicky."
"Right," Kerfuffle said, swallowing. "I know how all about lock problems, lemme tell ya." She fidgeted uncomfortably, her prosthetic leg clacking against the crystal floor as she tapped it rapidly. Impatiently.
Meanwhile, Twilight jiggled and pushed and pulled at the key. Suddenly, she stopped and turned to speak. "Oh, that's probably the wrong key. I'll try another. Honestly, it could be any one of these. Usually I have Spike unlock the doors for me." As she turned away to try another key, she smirked, unable to help herself.
Kerfuffle's tapping grew louder. She wasn't fidgeting anymore. She was shaking. Every conscious effort went into keeping her sphincter tight, while every unconscious effort tried to loosen it. Her breathing grew more rapid. Sweat wetted her coat, matting it. But, she waited. As kind and patient a mare as ever, she waited.
But, after six keys didn't open the door, she couldn't wait any longer.
"Twilight," she said, tears coming preemptively, "I'm so sorry. I can't..."
Twilight, knowing what was coming, kept her excitement hidden as she sprung her trap. "Oh! Can't make it to the bathroom? Well, this is only for emergencies, but I have a spell that can help."
A small bubble of hope rose up, audible in Kerfuffle's voice. "Really? This is definitely an emergency," she said with renewed stamina and will to hold it in just a bit longer.
"Yep! Let me show you." Twilight closed her eyes, and her horn glowed. Kerfuffle, being a pegasus, wouldn't recognize that Twilight's spell had to have been prepared earlier that same day. The spell was released, and, with a bright flash, Twilight Sparkle was gone. In her place was a purple toilet, her mane hanging from its seat cover and surrounding her horn. Her eyes, oddly beady and black, were on the bowl itself, spread wide apart and situated above a tiny smile. Both sides of the tank had her cutie mark on them.
Kerfuffle stared. "What," she stated.
"Go ahead. I work just like any old toilet," Twilight said, her voice oddly echoey. Her mouth also didn't move as she spoke, making it unclear just where the sound was coming from.
"Twilight, I can't... um... use you like... um."
"I promise it'll be okay. Just hop on up. I've done this before. Oh, and call me Twoilet," Twoilet said.
"I think maybe I can make it to the town hall bathroooohohoh no," Kerfuffle said as she lost the battle against her own ass. Concerns tossed aside, she threw up the seat cover and leapt onto Twoilet. She decided that, at the very least, shitting on a friend was better than shitting on their floor. As bad as she felt, her trust in Twilight's words eased her guilt as her bowels contracted.
A long, thick log of pegashit slid from Kerfuffle's anus, a healthy shade of brown. It slipped into the water with a gentle plop as it was cut off, curling into a pleasant swirl with its tip breaching the water's surface. Twoilet decided that it was likely made of oat bars and potato salad. Her porcelain pipes shivered with delight and anticipation of more to come. And, indeed, more came. A second turd came down accompanied by a heavy stream of urine, making a delightful Kerfuffle soup for Twoilet. The pressurized jet of piss cut ruthlessly through the first log, soft enough to be pulverized and make the water a murky yellow-brown.
"Oh gosh, Twilight, I... hnnnggh!" Kerfuffle said as she squeezed out more. "I'm so, so, so sorry." In her embarrassment, her Whinnysotan accent was all the stronger and squeakier.
Twoilet wanted to remind her of her proper name, but with her mouth full, there was no way she could. Instead, she just shivered as a toilety orgasm literally shook her entire brittle body. Unable to stop herself, her flush handle tilted and pulled up her rubber flapper, releasing the tank's water into her bowl. Most of the thick waste washed deep into Twoilet, where it could be preserved and kept and treasured.
"Eep!" Kerfuffle said, surprised by the sudden flush. "Oh, uh, did I do that?"
"No," Twoilet said, presently able to talk with the newly cleared throat. "It was me. Don't worry about it. Just go ahead and finish your business like I'm not even here."
"Alrighty, I suppose I can do that," Kerfuffle said through a forced smile that became a strained grimace as more poop was squeezed out from her mildly dilated ponut. Accompanied by the final trickles of urine, uneven droplets clinging to her nether lips before falling into the welcoming water below, the last sizeable chunk of horse feces dropped down, splashing her ass cheeks with unpleasantly cold and unsanitary water. A few smaller nuggets followed, but she was clearly just about finished.
Twoilet sighed inwardly, a mix of satisfaction and disappointment filling her. It always had to end eventually.
"Th-there. I think I'm, uh... done now," Kerfuffle said, panting just a bit.
Twoilet flushed once more, storing the precious materials deep within herself, before speaking. "Okay, just hop off now, and I'll change back."
As Kerfuffle got off, her wood-and-metal leg striking the base of Twoilet with a loud clink, she sighed. "Again, I just wanna apologize, but I really appreciate you helping me out of a tight spot like that," she said. "I suppose you wouldn't have any toilet paper around, huh?"
After another bright flash, Twoilet was gone, replaced by Twilight Sparkle once more. "Nope," she said, "but we can use my shower if you'd like."
"A nice hot shower does sound nice right about now."
As they made their way to Twilight's personal bathroom, she cast a quick illusion spell on her toilet to hide it from Kerfuffle. "Behold!" Twilight announced dramatically as they entered.
"Wow, that's a really big shower you got there," Kerfuffle said. As she was removing her prosthetic leg, a question came to her. "By the way, what happened to the, uh... well, you know. My... mess?"
Twilight smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry. The spell I used made sure it went somewhere safe." She wanted desperately to rub at her belly, slightly larger than it had been an hour before.
Seemingly satisfied with that response, Kerfuffle did an awkward three-legged walk into the shower, and Twilight followed. They showered together, and did not have sex even though Twilight really wanted to.
It was late in the night, and Luna's moon stood high in the sky. Twilight Sparkle lay in bed, smiling at the memory of her day. Using her magic, she opened the top drawer of her night stand and levitated out small journal, bound by leather she had made herself. The lock, opened by magic only she knew, came undone, and she flipped through the pages. Hundreds of names littered the notebook's paper, some of them crossed out with a single line of ink. An observant pony would note that they were in alphabetical order. Between Junebug and Kettle Corn, was the name she wanted. She drew a thick, black line through Kerfuffle.
Author's Note
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