Over the Edge and Through the Wood

by JarOfHearts

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Zecora, Human, Main 6
Length: 109480

Human gets cut off from his group while traversing a mountain. Finds himself in a strange land.

A young man lost in the hilly embrace of a mountain sleeps the night away under a knot of tree roots. When he wakes he will find himself thrust into a strange new environment, the Everfree Forest. With only his pack and his experience as a Boy Scout to aid him, he must survive, make sense of his surroundings and with some luck, ultimately find his way home. What does one do after wandering beyond the edge of the map? And better yet...

What if you are not alone?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been reading fan fiction here for a while and wanted to give something back.
My first fiction ever so constructive criticism is welcome. Fair warning, it takes a while for me to write a chapter so expect gaps between updates.

[Hiatus notice: As of 10/1/2022 this fiction is on hiatus so I may focus on other projects and items, will resume at a later date.]

Rated teen for strong language

Awesome cover art by Carnelian. Seriously, the guy has major skills with how fast he drew this up.

and of course ALL CHARACTERS / REFERENCES BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. “MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC” IS OWNED BY HASBRO

NO PROFIT WAS MADE IN THE CREATION / DISTRIBUTION PLEASE DONT SUE ME OR ANY PARTY THAT DISTRIBUTES THIS WORK (unless they try to sell it, then by all means go nuts)

Published 2011-12-22 15:10:41 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-01 23:12:00 UTC

Night and Day

Chapter 3

Night and Day

Edited by: CosmicAfro

Troy strode past the tiny ponies and took a seat next to the glowing ember pit and began to warm himself. He had some experience with animals and if his time with cats had taught him anything, it was that it was best to let them come to you. He had situated himself so he could keep an eye on the little ones while managing to not look directly at the trio of stroke inducing cuteness. From what he knew, animals became more skittish if they knew you were watching. Although, these ponies were intelligent, so would that be considered disrespectful? There was just no knowing in this kind of situation.

Whatever, just play it by ear.

Troy removed the fish from the fire; he had skewered it lengthwise to cook and easy access. It had actually smelt pretty ripe back when he was preparing it. Though now that the previous scent was dissipating, it actually began to smell pretty appetizing.

Troy began to eat, trying to make it appear that the pastel-colored ponies didn't bother him in the least. In his peripheral vision he could see that the group had not moved from the spot where they fell from when he opened the door. He decided it was best to focus his attention on eating his hard-won dinner.

I've had some decent luck today, let's see if it lasts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three terrified fillies were rooted to the spot where they stood. Behind them the weather had turned for the worse, the pitter‐patter of rain was accompanied by flashes of lightning. In front of them was a large altar, next to it blazed a roaring fire, its warmth was quite inviting, as was the shelter the castle offered. There was only one problem, and it was the creature illuminated by the bright embers, basking in their warm glow. It sat next to the blazing inferno and chewed away on something that had been roasting on the open flames, and was thankfully ignoring them for the moment.

Sweetie Belle risked a glance at Scootaloo, who kept her gaze firmly on the beast, watching for any sign of movement. Apple Bloom was looking from the beast to the storm outside, what had been a simple rainstorm had quickly become a massive downpour. She didn't want to go out in that kind of weather. Especially considering they probably wouldn't be able to get back at the rate it was coming down. Lightning split the sky as a massive crash of thunder swept through the castle.

Their ears flattened at its passing, even the monster gazed up through one of the many broken windows to take notice of the maelstrom that raged beyond the walls of its castle. After the thunder subsided the creature shifted its attention to three of them, immediately freezing them in place as if its gaze petrified them. None of them moved for what seemed like ages, neither the ponies nor the oddity at which they stared, and every second that passed seemed to linger longer than it should. Nature intervened to break the silence as a sudden gale blew through the open doors of the castle, sending a cascade of freezing rainwater down upon the little ponies.

The three fillies leaped into the air with shared screams as they bolted forward into the castle. They whirled around, only to be greeted by another gust of wind, chilling them to the bone. The three were soaked and cold, Apple Bloom's ribbon lay flat on her head, Scootaloo had to shake her head repeatedly to work her short mane out of her eyes. Sweetie Belle shivered where she stood, looking as pitiful as can be. They gazed outside as another bolt of lightning lit up the heavens.

"Hey," the soaked unicorn whispered, "what do we do? We can't go back out there, not in that."

"Well what should we do," the pegasus tried to keep her voice low, but soft echoes still rung out through the castle walls. "That thing could eat us at any time and... and‐"

Scootaloo stopped mid‐sentence, the thing was staring at them again.

"Ah' don't think it wants tuh' eat us." The two fillies turned to face Apple Bloom, "Ah' mean, it could have a second ago, but it didn't."

They looked back at the creature; its gaze had never left them. It took another bite of something, none of the girls could see it well enough in the gloom to identify what exactly it was eating. Another gust of wind swept what little warmth the young ponies had left in them out into the night. The three sad-looking fillies shook violently from the cold.

"W‐well, I see t‐two options at the mo‐moment," Sweetie Belle managed to choke out between shivers, "we go into the storm and freeze to death," she took a tentative step forward, "OR we go and sit at that fire and hope that... thing... doesn't eat ponies."

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at each other then to the raging tempest outside, where the odds were not in their favor. The outside world would mean dealing with the monsters of the night and one of the worst storms any of the fillies had ever seen.

The pastel-colored ponies began to approach the fire; they took slow unsure steps, inching towards the creature and the blazing warmth by which it sat. As the trio shuffled forward all of their gazes were locked onto the figure that basked in the glow of the blaze, and at the same time it was carefully watching them. Finally, the girls reached the fire and were close enough to warm themselves, they stood in place ready to run if the monster made its move. However the beast just sat there eating what the terrified fillies could see was a fish, stuck on a stick. Sweetie Belle gagged, there was another one cooking on the flames and it scented the air with a terrible smell. The smell of charring flesh. The weird-looking monster picked up the ex‐fish and took a bite, having finished off the other stick of meat it had been eating previous.

A gale blew through the open doors of the castle and sent another shiver down the backs of the crusaders, they were beginning to warm up, but were still soaking wet. The strange animal gazed from them to the door then back to them. It watched the little creatures shiver for a moment, then stood.

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom immediately bolted in different directions, hiding behind the stone pillars that held the roof aloft. The earth pony and the pegasus pony paused for a moment. They listened for any movement, any noise at all, but the only sounds they could hear were the rumblings of the storm raging outside. After a minute they poked their heads out and to their horror, Sweetie Belle was still standing next to the fire, shaking like a leaf. The poor filly was so scared, she was rooted in place. Even from their hiding spots they could see the pink and marble unicorn shaking in fear. The beast looked at the frightened little filly for a moment, then took a sideways step. Sweetie Belle stood stock still as the hulking shadowy mass began to circle her, her eyes glued on the towering monster.

Apple Bloom's mind raced, what should she do? What COULD she do? If she attacked that thing she would be done for, that was certain. The creature was almost behind Sweetie Belle, it hadn't gotten any closer, but was sure to pounce any second. She thought desperately on what she should do to save her friend, if there was anything she could do to save her friend. It was right behind the terrified unicorn, she was still staring right at it, unable to tear her gaze away. It was now or never, Apple Bloom closed her eyes and charged forward between the beast and its prey and turned to where she knew the monster would be. She bent down with her front legs and lowered her head, ready to charge the monster when it attacked. She knew this would probably be her last moments, but she would never abandon her friend. Apple Bloom knew she couldn't, an Apple would always stick to their friend. To the very end. She opened her eyes, believing that this would be her final moment, she gazed fearlessly into...

...its back.

It had turned around and was walking towards the entrance, it's strange hoof‐wear leaving a soft THUD‐UMP, THUD‐UMP in its passing. The earth pony slowly slumped to the floor, her heartbeat pounding like a drum in her ears.

"Whew." Apple Bloom started at the sudden noise to her left.

She turned to see that Scootaloo was standing next to her, looking every bit relieved as the farm filly felt. Apparently the prepubescent pegasus had charged out to defend their friend in a similar fashion. They shared a brief smile, then returned their attention to the creature. It strode onwards, nearing the open entrance. When it reached the ancient frame its not‐claws lashed out and grabbed the thick metal doors. It pulled them together then heaved the old iron forward, closing the portal to the outside world. The metal let out a resounding thud that echoed through the hall.

Scootaloo swallowed the knot in her throat.

"Nowhere to run now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy shut the doors to the castle, and turned to face the tiny creatures that stood by his fire. He noticed that the two who had run off were back. Seriously, was his standing up really enough to scare them away?

Hey, they're more defenseless than most humans, at least we have fists. And knives. And GUNS.

Uh, hello? They have freaking hoofs, that's like having clubs permanently glued to your arms. Not to mention that they could probably kick a field goal with one of my kidneys at the fifty-yard line. Wait a second, who am I talking too?

Your fairy godmother.

Har De Har.

Troy shoved his self‐argument aside, he could deal with his rapidly developing insanity later, this called for his full attention.

He slowly circled the ponies again, keeping his distance as to not frighten them. Again. He took his seat next to the fire, tossed the bony remains of his fish‐on‐a‐stick into the fire, and waited for the critters to do something. They seemed to shy away from the fire for a moment; Troy realized that if they were strictly herbivores, as their appearance suggested, then the fish might not have been a great choice for dinner.

After a moment they came closer to the warming spirals of flame, and began drying themselves. Small wisps of steam flowed from their colored coats as they switched sides periodically, drying half of their bodies at a time. Troy had examined them when he had opened the door and in every spare moment he had as he kept trying to classify these odd creatures. They certainly looked equine, sort of. While he hadn't been entirely sure before Troy had no doubt in his mind now, these things could talk, albeit in another language. He had heard them whispering to each other and seen them exchanging glances. While their bodies were definitely more horse‐like, their expressions were disturbingly human. He also noticed several discrepancies between regular equines and these critters.

First, their color was outrageous, but anyone with a working pair of eyes, hell with ONE functional eye could see that. Usually in the animal kingdom you had two choices, be camouflaged or be poisonous. Whether you were a predator or prey you had to blend into your surroundings, or be poisonous enough to kill anything that ate you. So that question had to be addressed sometime in the near future, however if they were this afraid they most likely either weren't toxic enough at this stage of development (they did look pretty young) to take him down or the colors were just a bluff. No real reason to run when you can murder somebody by just touching them, or failing that, bleeding on them.

Second, their ankles were as wide as their hoofs. A horse’s hoof had a cone-like shape because it was sturdy and allowed for more leverage. (probably?) Troy had ridden horses when he was little so he knew a thing or two, but when it came to the mechanics he was lost. Though, compared to the third problem this was like a small bump on a road filled with pot holes.

Thirdly, their heads. These things looked someone had stuck a muzzle on a cantaloupe. While most equines had a head that sloped up in a uniform fashion, theirs didn't. This was likely due to the large skulls needed for the equally large brains required to properly understand language. This probably meant that their jaw strength was less than that of the average horse. When humanity's heads began to enlarge they lost their biting power, before then they had the same kind of bite strength that chimps and gorillas had. The only problem here was why, what had prompted the enlarging of the brain? The human brain had increased in size so it could properly utilize the hands he was gifted with, and this expansion started when humanity became bipedal. For what possible reason could these little balls of cuteness need language?

The creatures had dried themselves by now and were lying by the fire, staring back at him. This lasted for several minutes. The possibility of awkward silence was kept at bay due to the constant roar of the storm and the occasional rumble of thunder. Troy decided to be the first one to break the relative quiet.

Let’s go with the classic ice‐breaker, The Polite Cough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three ponies tensed as the creature lifted its alien appendage to its mouth and made a soft chuffing noise. After a moment it returned it's foreleg to its resting place on top of its hind leg. It had such a bizarre way of sitting, it looked painful.

It let out a grunt then some kind of elongated growl, then was silent once more. Another moment passed, it looked at each of them, not getting the reaction it wanted it made some gurgling sounds. Sweetie Belle stood up to back away; her fear was getting the better of her. This immediately got the thing's attention as its eyes locked onto her expectantly. It paused for a moment and when it was apparent that its desired action was not forthcoming it chose to act first. It raised its not‐claws and patted its broad chest, at the same time it made a noise that was neither a grunt nor growl. Foreign syllables passed its lips each time it pounded on its front.

Scootaloo leaned over to Apple Bloom, whispering into her fellow filly's ear, "What's it doing?"

"Ah' don't know, Sweetie Belle ya got any ideas?" the farm pony craned her neck to look at her friend

Sweetie Belle's eyes were locked onto the creature and began to grow wide with understanding.

"I think it's trying to talk." the unicorn stated with a note of surprise. She knew from what her sister had told her that diamond dogs and other animals could talk, but it never occurred to her that something this alien could.

"Ya' really think so?" Apple Bloom directed her attention to the unicorn filly then to the monster. It made sense and at the same time it didn't, it was talking, but not in Equestrian. She knew from school that any creature that talked could speak in pony tongue, so why didn't this thing speak it too?

Scootaloo watched as the beast tapped its chest again in the same motion, speaking louder than before. It kept saying the same thing, but slower and louder each time. She listened for a moment trying to form similar sounds, but the noises this thing made were too foreign for her to imitate. However, her attempt got the beast's attention.

It began to nod it's head rapidly while it's lips drew back to reveal a row of teeth, it took the fillies a bit longer than they would like to admit to realize it was a smile. It tapped itself again and made the noise again.

After a moment’s pause, "It's a name."

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo turned to their friend, whose voice was barely audible, in a whisper that would make Fluttershy proud.

Sweetie Belle took a tentative step forward, turning to her friends with a thoughtful look. She listened carefully as it said its 'name' for the umpteenth time, trying her hardest to decipher the alien syllables. She took her time as she slowly mouthed the foreign bits of sound over and over trying to get them to sound right. She took a deep breath, and tried to repeat the stranger’s name. However, it was a fruitless effort; she just couldn't quite make the same sounds as this... thing could.

The creature seemed not to mind and nodded rapidly. Another repeat of the tapping motion, but this time instead gestured towards the trio with its long lanky fore legs. It took a moment, but the ponies realized the meaning of the gesture.

"I'm Scootaloo. Scooooo‐taa‐looo," the pegasus reared up and pounded her tiny ribcage, her fear beginning to dissipate.

The monster struggled with the name, it couldn't get the sounds right and just ended up spouting gibberish. The girls laughed, and the beast even smiled.

This was getting interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Earlier that day

"Spike?" Twilight called out for her assistant as she finished her fourth book for the day.

No answer.

"Spiiiiiiiiike?"

"Hub‐WUH?!?"

The exclamation was immediately followed by a crescendo of various crashes and thuds. Twilight rolled her eyes as she trotted upstairs to see what exactly the little purple dragon was doing. She found him lying under a pile of books next to an overturned stepladder. The purple pony let a well‐practiced sigh pass her lips, "don't tell me, you fell asleep on the stepladder."

The little dragon looked around in dazed confusion, "whu, huh, uh... no!... kinda... maybe?"

Twilight rolled her eyes and began picking up books and placing back in their correct locations. "See, THIS is precisely why you can't stay up so late, Spike!"

The purple and green reptile let his chin fall to his chest and twiddled his thumbs, "But, Twi. Pinkie was throwing that huge party last night and I really wanted to go, you know she throws the best parties. I mean, you were there too."

"Spike." The horned librarian said in a no-nonsense tone. "We both left for the party at a reasonable hour and came HOME at a reasonable hour. That's not the problem. The problem is that you snuck back out in the middle of the night, lied to Pinkie and stayed up all night. Now you're tired, unable to focus and close to hurting yourself."

Twilight lowered her head to Spike's eye level. "That's why you're in trouble mister."

She let out a hearty sigh and then motioned to the stairs. "Bed, your chores will be waiting for you tomorrow, and then some."

Spike tried to speak, but the purple mare was having none of it and silenced him with a glare before he could get a single word out. The dragon youth hung his scaled head and slowly made his way up the staircase. Halfway up the stairs he let out a long yawn, and his eyes began to droop. Bed was sounding like a better idea by the second.

Twilight shook her head, what could have possessed Spike to sneak out like that? It wasn't like him, though Pinkie hadn't ever held an 'all nighter' before. Well, except for the summer sun celebration, but that was a special occasion. She would have to talk to the pink mare to find out what happened that night. The lavender unicorn let out a heavy sigh, what was next on the agenda?

The major portion of her studying for the day had been taken care of a bit early, it was only noon. She didn't have anything slated for the half-hour after lunch. She rarely had unscheduled breaks, but it was a welcome change of pace. After scrounging around in the kitchen she made herself a dandelion sandwich accented with some alfalfa leaves. The young mare carried her meal into the library, and set it down next to the latest installment of Daring Do. The purple pony munched on her meal absentmindedly as she opened the book and began to read. Though 'read', would not be the most accurate of descriptors, more like devoured. Fitting, as she finished a page with each bite of sandwich.

Twilight only stopped when she heard the chiming of the clock on her wall. Was it really one 'o clock already? She closed the book after placing one of her favorite Daring Do bookmarks inside, she had already burned through a third of the book. Smiling she went to check her list for the day, but before she could take three steps there was a sudden knocking on the door.

Twilight mentally shrugged and cantered to the door, swinging it open with her magic. There stood Applejack, the most honest friend the young unicorn could ever ask for. The orange farm pony took a quick look inside before turning her attention to the purple mare.

"Hey Twi, ya' haven't seen mah' sis around here have you?" the young farm mare asked with irritation clear in her voice. Applejack's gaze never seemed to stay in the same place for less than a moment, moving from the library to down the street and back again.

"She WAS 'supposed to be back at the farm after lunch, but she never showed."

"Applejack, I ha‐

"She's probably off doing somethin' with her friends tryin' to get their cutie marks again."

"Appl‐

"That's all fine an' dandy, but she's got chores to do."

"APPLEJACK!"

The farm pony jumped slightly at the sudden outburst, Twilight leveled her gaze at her friend, "No Applejack, I haven't seen the girls today. Have you checked the park, Rarity told me they were planning a picnic. Maybe they just lost track of time."

"Ah' DID, but they weren't there, just a basket an' some paper plates. There was some hoof prints leading into town though so they got to be 'round here somewhere."

Twilight cocked her head to the side, "They wouldn't just leave a mess like that... probably."

Applejack, who had been looking back into the street, turned to her, "Ah' know, they probably got caught up in some crazy way to get their cutie marks. Again. But usually everypony and their grandmare knows when they're up to something like that. Ah' talked to every pony I could find, an' they all said they ain't seen neither hide nor hair of the girls."

The purple mare's ears perked up, that was definitely odd. She quickly made a quick to‐do list in her mind, even if it was for some silly way to get their cutie marks, when the girl's activity went dark like this it was a clear sign of the calm before the storm.

"Alright Applejack, have you told anypony else about the missing girls?"

"Ah checked with just about everypony Ah could find on my way here. It not much, but Ah've been blusterin' about trying to find the silly fillies 'fore they get themselves in a heap o' trouble. Again."

"OK, in that case, you go find Rarity and tell her what’s going on. Once that's done, find Rainbow and get her to fly around Ponyville, maybe she can spot them from the sky. As for me, I'll grab Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, we'll look around the park area. If you can't find them in two hours’ time, meet up with us at the park."

The farm pony nodded with a relived grin beginning to take hold on her features. "All righty then, ah' better get a move on."

Applejack turned to leave then paused for a moment, then angled her head to face her friend, "Hey, Twi? Ya don't suppose they got in over their head this time do ya?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow, Applejack wasn't what one would usually call a pessimist. "Why would you think that?"

The orange pony looked unsure as she dug at the ground a bit with her hoof and lowered her head with her ears flopping back.

"It's just... I got this feelin' in mah' gut..."

She paused and mumbled something under her breath. After a moment of silence she shook herself, and raised her head trying to lift her spirits and gave a gentle smile.

"No, no point in worryin' bout that just yet. It's probably nothin'." With that the earth pony galloped towards the Carousel Boutique. With her Stetson fluttering in the wind, but miraculously never once threatened to leave its perch upon the blond mane of which it sat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Applejack made her way to the Carousel Boutique, pausing only to catch her breath.

Ah' gotta find the girls soon, the longer they go unsupervised the worse this is going to end. Rarity might have some idea where...

The farm pony face‐hoofed, of course they could have just been at Rarity's this whole time.

The cowpony opened the door with its usual jingle and trotted inside. She looked over the frilly dresses that her friend held so dear, for the life of her she couldn't imagine why anypony would enjoy torturing themselves with such heavy cloths and such. She mentally shrugged, different strokes for different folks.

"COOOOMIIIING," the voice of the marble white unicorn floated out from the back of the shop.

Rarity walked out from behind one of the displays.

"Oh, Applejack! I didn't expect to see you here. Finally got a taste for fashion have we, hmmm?" She raised an eyebrow as she continued to beam. Applejack could already see the cogs turning behind Rarity's eyes, and quickly moved to intercept the seamstress's train of thought.

"Nah, sorry." The unicorn’s features drooped a little. "Ah, was wonderin' if you've seen Apple Bloom and the girls. They come through here recently?"

The fashionista raised a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment before turning back to the orange earth pony.

"They were here earlier when they came to get the picnic basket for their little day out, why do you ask?"

"What about after that? Yah haven't seen 'em since?" The cowpony asked quickly.

Rarity shook her head.

"I'm sorry Applejack, I can't say I have. Why? What’s going on?"

The orange mare explained the situation, how the girls had disappeared, and how nopony seemed to know where they were. Rarity raised an eyebrow that seemed to say 'Aren't you over overreacting?'

"Girl, this is serious. You know what kind ah' trouble those fillies can get into."

"I suppose you're right, I happen to know a stallion or two who might be willing to help look. Where should we start?"

"The tracks ah' found led teh' town. I looked 'round the school house and Library, an' no sign of them." The farm pony paused for a moment.

"Ah' got nothin'."

The marble white unicorn let out a tired sigh, then with a practiced flick of her neck straightened out her mane into perfect curls.

"In that case, why don't you check out Quills & Sofas. It's close to the center of town so the proprietor might have spotted the girls. After that you should go back to Sweet Apple Acres, they might have gone back to their little fort. I'll find some helpers and look around town hall and see if we can find them."

The farm pony reared up with a huge smile, "All righty then, after I git Rainbow that'll be mah' first stop." Applejack turned to leave, but stopped as she remembered the rest of Twilight's plan. " Oh, and 'fore ah' forget, Twi said teh' meet up at the park in a few hours."

"Sure thing, now let's hurry. Though I think you are jumping to conclusions Applejack, there is no way of telling what the girls are up to. We shouldn't assume the worst of them, simply because they disappeared."

"Last time they pulled a Hoofdini like this mah' brother got engaged to Cheerilee and almost had a weddin' on a feather‐bed at the bottom of a hole." Applejack deadpanned.

"Point taken."

Applejack flew out the door and broke into a gallop as she headed towards the fields where Rainbow tended to take her naps.

Rarity locked the shop up and cantered out the door, locking it and flipping the elegant 'open' sign over before she made her way to the town square. But not before muttering to herself, "in retrospect we were probably lucky those two didn't get to their 'honeymoon' before the spell broke, that would have been quite an awkward conversation. They had the feather-bed right there after all."

Hours of vigorous searching later...

Twilight was pacing back and forth, along with Applejack. The four other mares were sitting, lying down, or in some other state of rest, tired from searching the town. All except Pinkie Pie who was happily chasing a butterfly. Fluttershy was conversing with a little bluebird perched on her wing. After a moment the bird flew away chirping something only the gentle pegasus could understand.

"I'm sorry Applejack, the birds haven't been able to find them, but Mister Walters said he would keep looking," The canary yellow mare said with her usual minimal volume.

The farm mare stamped at the ground with growing frustration.

"That was the LAST lead we had! We looked everywhere, EVERYWHERE! Where in the hay are those fillies!"

The orange mare's pacing began to pick up speed.

"The girls are in a heap o' trouble. Ah' Just know it."

"I'm sure they're fine, we just need to figure out where they are," Twilight’s voice reverberated with calm; however she was starting to feel anxious as well.

"Well, we know where they AREN'T," The cyan mare bolted upwards, her wings bringing her aloft with practiced ease. "ANYWHERE! We’ve literally looked through all of Ponyville and we couldn't find them!"

The five of the girls slumped slightly; Pinkie was still bouncing after her butterfly when she came to a stop. Mid‐bounce naturally.

"Hey, why don't we ask those guys?" the pink party mare pointed at two colts that were walking along the path.

"I don't see why not," Rarity sighed as she gingerly removed herself from the lovely couch she had been lying on. "it's not like we can know less than we do now."

"Just wait until you hear those two, you might change your mind." Rainbow Dash grumbled as she identified the colts as Snips and Snails.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That was AWESOME!" Snips shouted. Snails had his head held high and his chest puffed out. The brown colt rarely got praise like this and he was going to enjoy it.

"I never knew that re‐shelling snails was such an ...involved process," he said to his friend with newfound respect.

"Yeah, it's not easy, every one is different. And sometimes they have trouble getting out so you gotta‐"

"Hey! You two!"

Before Snails could finish his story the both of them were now face to face with six mares with varying levels of distress.

"Have either ah' you seen Apple Bloom or any of 'er friends?” Applejack shot out.

"Uh, yeah. They said they were going to Zecora's place." Snips chose his words with apparent care. Looking back, goading those girls on might not have been one of his better ideas.

There was a collective sigh from most of the mares present.

"Well that's a relief," Rarity seemed to relax slightly, letting the tension seep out from her haunches.

"RELIEF?! That means they took off into the Everfree forest!" Applejack shouted, nerves getting the better of her. Who could blame her, the Apple family knew the dangers of the forest better than anypony after living right next to it for so long.

"Calm down dear, at least we know where they are now. They're probably still with Zecora doing... whatever it is Zecore does on Tuesdays," the marshmallow white unicorn reassured her anxious friend.

"Ah' know. Ah', she took a deep breath. " ...Ah' know. But this is mah' sis we're talking ‘bout here." The Apple adorned pony hung her head. "Ah' just can't shake this feelin' like they're in some kinda fix."

"Sweetie Belle is just as much my sister as Apple Bloom is yours," Rarity reassured with a certain gentleness in her voice. She walked over to the farm pony and gave her a bit of a nudge. "But if we don't keep our wits about us, how are we going to help anypony?"

Applejack sighed, "Ah' know, it's just you'd think those silly fillies would have told somepony where they went."

"YEAH! I can't imagine why those girls would be so, er, un‐responsible" Snips chimed in. As long as they didn't make a connection between the girls and what they did, well really what HE did, they would get out of this Scott free.

"Hey, weren't they goin' to get Rainbow Dash before they went into the forest?" Snails interjected, a completely innocent albeit blank stare adorning his face. Snips looked at his lanky companion in horror.

All eyes were on Rainbow Dash in an instant. "Hey, don't look at me. I haven't even seen the girls all day!"

"Yeah, that’s really weird, wonder what happened," the stubby green unicorn chimed in, sweat darkening his coat.

"Well, it's probably cuz you kinda ragged on them about needing an adult and when they were going into the forest. Remember?" Snails reminded his friend who was now sweating enough bullets to supply a regional militia.

"What." The orange farm pony’s tone was flat and unamused. Her glare was less flat and more seething. The other mares simply wore looks of concern.

"I... I have no idea what you’re talking about!" Snips voice raised an octave with his eyes darting from side to side, looking like he had just followed the shortest game of tennis on record.

"Sure ya do! Don't ya remember how you said since we been into the forest loads of times, goin' into the Everfree was no big deal?" The oblivious unicorn continued, completely unaware of the hole he was digging for his short companion.

"WHAT?" Rarity exclaimed, her look of concern replaced with one of shock.

"I... ah, um... uhh...err," Snips desperately racked his brain for any way to back out of this, but none presented themselves.

"I'm sure they're fine, though that comment about being babies needing help going into the forest was kinda mean. Just sayin'." Snails nodded sagely, or more accurately, attempted to nod sagely. It was more of an awkward bob than a nod. "Probably why they were so steamed when they left."

"WHAT!?" Applejack and Rarity exclaimed simultaneously.

Snails snapped his attention to the two mares and promptly lost all feeling in his legs from his hooves to his haunches. The pure white unicorn's fur was standing on end and the look on her face could have curdled milk into an exploding cheese that would have impressed Discord himself.

The farm pony was even worse; her face was turning shades of red that no healthy creature could ever hope to match. The shades became simultaneously brighter and deeper. Rainbow could swear that Applejack was literally glowing with rage.

"Are you suggesting‐" Rarity paused, trying to keep her voice level.

"Are yah'll telling me..." the sole present Apple mare growled in an almost otherworldly tone. "That you shanghaied MAH' SISTER into going into the Everfree forest. One of the most DANGEROUS places in all of Equestria, not only without supervision but without TELLEN' ANYPONY?!" By the end the mare was screaming at the top of her lungs, a look of the purest rage born from the love and concern she had for her sister painted her visage.

"Uh...kinda?" Snips replied, smiling at the elder Apple sister. He knew lying was out of the question, rumor had it that Applejack could spot a fib at fifty paces.

Of course, that was the wrong answer.

Applejack leaned back as she drew in a deep breath. While at one time such a breath could have been calming, meditative even, this breath had the sole purpose of unleashing the greatest tongue lashing ever uttered in the lands of Equestria.

"Why you low down cotton pickin' plow buckin' walleyed sod spittin' holly huckin' little‐"

Applejack's voice suddenly cut out like a mic coming unplugged, not seeming to realize this as she kept shouting noiselessly. Twilight sighed as her silencing spell took effect, and watched as the mare continued to scream what the librarian suspected were some very unkind words. Still, the silent rant continued, and had it been heard by anypony, they would have testified that no greater words born of righteous fury had ever been uttered in this world and most likely would never be again.

Rainbow, though tempted to let the quivering pair of idiots in front of her get their comeuppance, knew better than to let the cowpony do anything more than shout at them. She had never seen AJ this angry and quite frankly wouldn't be surprised if the farmer tried to kick the boy's flanks up and down all of Equestria.

"You guys might want to beat it. If Applejack gets her hooves on you there's no telling what she'll do."

Snips and Snails fled in absolute terror, screaming all the way home.

The girls only could look on with a mixture of confusion and concern. "Uh... Applejack, I don't mean to be rude, but... wasn't that a little much?" Fluttershy watched as the unicorn-shaped blobs faded into the distance.

Only once the two troublemakers had disappeared from sight did Applejack stop her silent tirade. She slowly took a deep breath. And then another. Finally, after she calmed down she turned and tried to say something to Dash, but no sound came from her mouth.

Applejack turned to twilight and gestured to her throat and the live‐in librarian released her spell.

"You alright?" Rainbow asked as she fluttered in front of the farm mare.

"As much as Ah' can be." Applejack fumed.

"And what does that mean?" The multicolored mare landed as she spoke.

Applejack's irritation was clear on her face and it looked like she was going to rise to Rainbows poorly chosen words, But after blowing her top she simply lacked the steam to do so and let out a heavy sigh.

"Ah' mean as much as Ah' can with Apple Bloom still unaccounted for." She let out another sigh, her anger cooling like a doused flame and her head dipping low. Rainbow relaxed a bit and concern for her friend was plain on her face.

One last breath and one last sigh and Applejack raised her head to address the mare in front of her with a tired smile.
"Ah'm alright."

Rainbow gave a nod and a playful smile. "Alright, as long as you sure you're not gonna maim somepony."

"Maim Somepony? Ah' don't recall cuttin' THAT loose." Applejack returned the pegasi's playful demeanor for a moment, before turning a tad somber. She removed her trademark Stetson and turned to address the rest of her friends. "Ah'm really sorry about all that, I just... lost my temper." She hung her head and shame and fidgeted with her hat. "Ah just got so mad, Ah couldn't believe that those two would put the girls in such a heap of trouble. Ah would never be able to forgive myself in any of em' got hurt."

Who's to say they haven't already?

The orange mare shook away the dark thoughts that began to invade her mind. The girls were going to be perfectly fine until there was evidence to the contrary. She looked at her friends and motioned towards the woods as she replaced her hat.

"Come on ladies! Those fillies ain't gonna save themselves!" She called out as she bolted forward.

"Applejack, where are we going? We don't know where they are." Twilight called out as she quickly raced after their friend with the other elements of harmony in tow.

"First stop is Zecora's place. Apple Bloom made it there once, they might have made the trip without a hitch and jus' lost track ah' time." The element of honesty's visage was one of relentless determination. "And if'n things did go off-kilter then Ah' want somepony who knows the forest like cut of their mane. And Zecora's just the pony‐"

"Zebra," Pinkie Pie corrected.

"‐Zebra," the orange farm mare amended, "fer the job."

As the group galloped down the trail Twilight pulled up to Applejack's side.

"Are you sure you're alright after all that?"

AJ gave her a quick nod. "Ah' think I just needed to let off some steam, Ah' am sorry ya'll had to see me like that, it's just...

...It's my sister Twi."

"I understand Applejack, and you don't have to say sorry to me. Let's just find those fillies."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back to the Future! ...er, present.

"Whoa, this is heavy!" Troy exclaimed softly to himself, He was genuinely surprised by the weight of the stone he had picked up. The stone itself wasn't much larger than his fist, yet he had to pick it up with both hands.

The young hiker (and recently self‐proclaimed adventurer) hefted the rock to a large rectangle of stones he had been arranging into a perimeter around his designated sleeping area.

He had some marginal success with trying to communicate to the tiny ponies, and by 'marginal success' they were now more curious than afraid. Trying to get them to say his name had been a good attempt, but they just couldn't make certain sounds and he was fairly sure he horribly butchered their names as well. Though, it was good for some laughs on their part. The large round eyes followed his progress as the flames of the fire pit began to burn lower and lower.

Troy stopped to admire his handiwork, the frame was big but not too big for the emergency blanket. The plan was to create a lip around his sleeping bag, the blanket would keep any water out of sleeping arrangements and simultaneously keep the stone floor from wicking away any heat that the sleeping bag might fail to trap. Most people don't realize this, while heat does go up, it can still be wicked away from below. Nature likes equilibrium, so a cold stone floor wants to be warm if a nice and toasty body lies on top of it. The problem is when only one spot on the floor is warm and the rest of it wants in, resulting in a constant siphon on the precious life-giving heat of the poor bastard without a blankie.

He rolled out his sleeping bag and set his backpack into pillow position, and began to remove his boots. To his surprise, the little ones seemed to eye his feet with curiosity as he removed his socks, setting them inside his footwear, which also seemed to garner interest. The hiker climbed into the sleeping bag and got comfortable as he looked back at the three tiny creatures.

The fire was just a pile of embers and ash at this point casting a low orange glow over the not quite so merry band of misfits. The young man straightened slightly as addressed 'house guests' for lack of a better term.

"You should probably get some sleep."

The tiny critters only gave him a strange look but seemed to get the idea as they lay down and huddled together trying to get comfortable. A strong breeze blew through one of the broken windows, buffeting the group. While Troy was fine, the ponies were obviously suffering. Their tiny bodies shivered in the cold, it was at the same time adorable and distressing. Troy rolled over; there wasn't much he could do to help them. It's not like he could give up his sleeping bag...

Why does it always suck to be the good guy?

Troy lifted himself up and began unzipping his sleeping bag, eventually bringing the zipper down the side, effectively splitting it in half. The tiny pastel-colored bundles of cuteness were watching him with mild interest as he spread out his improvised blanket.

"All right, come on." Troy motioned to the blanket. "You’re cold right?"

The three ponies shared a glance with each other and conversed for a bit, the yellow and red one then stood up startling the other two. It looked Troy over, sizing him up, and slowly nosed her (Troy assumed that it was a her from the bow) way under his sleeping bag and nestled into his chest then poked her head out again. Troy smiled, she looked like the most adorable chest-burster ever. The other two slowly followed suit and made themselves comfortable, all three of their heads poking out from the side of his sleeping bag. What had been a quite roomy sleeping bag quickly became a rather crowded blanket. The hiker sighed and set his head down to rest, but before he could drift off to the realm of dreams he noticed that all of little ones were shaking slightly. Strange thing was, they were definitely warm enough, Troy could feel the heat himself. Why would they be‐

*Ding!*

They were still scared of him. Well, shit.

He really couldn't do much to calm them down; he didn't know if he could pet them, they would probably freak out first.

Then an idea clicked into place. He allowed himself a small smile, while under normal circumstances he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, there was one song from one of his favorite books that he could always fall back on.

And hey, they say that song crosses all lingual barriers.

He mentally shrugged as he rolled onto his back, took a deep breath, and in a low, soft voice slowly began to sing.

"Far over the Misty Mountains cold,
To dungeons deep and caverns old,
We must away, ere break of day,
To seek our pale enchanted gold..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fillies all craned their necks to look at the creature, it was making noises again, but it was different this time.

"It's singing," Sweetie Belle couldn't help the note of surprise in her voice. "Why is it singing?"
Apple Bloom lowered her head onto her forelegs and mumbled, "Maybe it’s a lullaby." She closed her eyes and let the deep tones wash over her. It was a different kind of singing than what she was used to, but it reminded her of the few times Big Mac had sung to her when she was sick.

"Sounds kinda nice." the filly muttered as the foreign words carried her off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Don't make me come down there!

—God *citation needed*

Out and About

Editors note: Alright, we've learned from past mistakes so I encouraged him to remove a giant scene about a talking cake. You're welcome.

Chapter 4

Out and About

Edited by: CosmicAfro

Warmth and light. Two forces that had been revered since the beginnings of humanity, greeted the young protagonist as morning broke, the sun creeping over the horizon. Troy however was less than impressed by its presence, he did not feel particularly inclined to greet the new day in a welcoming fashion. He instead wanted to tell the sun it could go fuck itself and come back tomorrow. However, seeing as verbal abuse was rather ineffective against inanimate objects, he merely sat up and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He could feel a pounding headache recede to the back of his head into a dull throb and let out a low groan.

Suddenly he became aware of shuffling underneath his bag. His attention snapped to three tiny ponies, still fast asleep under his sleeping bag turned blanket. The orange one with the purple mane was splayed out like a frat boy after a massive kegger, still managing to somehow stay under the blanket. The cream colored one was curled into a ball, the tips of her hooves barely poking out from under the blanket. Her tail had been commandeered by the last one who squirmed as Troy's movement had displaced part of her coverings. He quickly slid out from under the impromptu blanket and tucked it in around the small creature. It hummed in what the young man could only assume was contentment.

Well, the last two days here... wherever the hell this is, has been nothing but firsts.

Though anyone who claims they have bunked with three mutant ponies on multiple occasions needs to get their head checked.

Troy soaked in the scene, he was surprised to discover he had a certain sense of serenity. The way the sunlight poured through the windows and onto the worn stone floor, the way plants could be seen poking in from just about everywhere, reclaiming the ruins for the earth once more had a very tranquil sense about it. He felt a large calm wash away his worries, sweeping away the weight they once had. Or at least until he realized that it was very possible that he might not even be on earth anymore. Then the weight came back in spades, it felt like a boulder had just landed on his shoulders. You'd think I'd notice this kind of thing sooner, wouldn't you? Troy sunk to his hands and knees, content to wallow in his despair for a moment. After a minute he stood back up and began to stretch his stiff muscles.

Yeah, Yeah. Enough pity, what's on the agenda today?

Water, food, and info.

Troy made his way back to the courtyard that housed the demolished well and began the long process of retrieving the precious life giving liquid from the dark hole in the ground. After he drank his fill of the purest water he suspected he would ever have the privilege of tasting, he turned his attention to the stream. He marched to the banks edge and looked through the brook, searching for his soon to be breakfast. The water held a plentiful bounty, and as the young man surveyed the surrounding area, a sense of peace washed over him for the second time this morning. The fashion in which the sun peered over the mountains, the warm wisps of morning mist dancing in the air, today just felt like a good day. The hiker turned explorer let out a deep and relaxing sigh pass his lips.

Then there was pain.

The sensation that Troy experienced was similar to someone having a railroad spike shot through their forehead. Except the spike was made out of molten lava.

The young man couldn't even find the strength to scream, he fell to his knees and collapsed, his head cradled in his hands. The pain burned like a thousand suns, the young man could barely think and his only actions were the choking breaths he took to keep himself alive.

He forced himself to focus on the pain. Pain was the body's way of alerting its conscious self to damage, but what was causing it? A thousand possibilities shot through the man's sundered mind.

Allergy?
Some kind of parasite?
Some illness contracted from those creatures?
Poison maybe?
Inter‐dimensional AID's?
Montezuma's revenge?

Troy focused on the pain, trying to classify it, identify it. The agony he felt was unlike any kind of pain he had ever experienced before, it felt like his nerves were screaming. Strangely enough, it didn't feel like anything was actually wrong, though he didn't understand how he could even make that distinction. After a minute the pain began to recede into the back of his head and became a dull throb. Actually, the throbbing came from his face and ears rather than the inside of his head.

The young man forced his eyes open only to find the world was suddenly stained with a hideous shade of pink; he slowly became aware of a warm liquid on his face, after clearing the red from his eyes with a few sessions of repeated blinking he restored the colors of the world to their rightful hues. Troy turned to the stream and bent low to examine what he had a sneaking suspicion was not a pretty sight.

He couldn't have been more right, crimson stained his face where blood had poured from his eyes and nostrils, he could even see where it had flowed out from his ears. He began to think a mile a minute, what just happened?

Aneurism? No, that's fatal and doesn't cause external bleeding.

Disease or illness? Probably not, onset of symptoms this extreme don't just come and go, also unlikely I picked it up, usually an incubation period is needed meaning I would have had it before all this crazy shit started.

Poison contracted from those ponies? Unlikely, I would have reacted last night, not now.

Allergic reaction to aforementioned ponies? Again unlikely. An allergy is formed after initial contact, it wouldn't take this long to exhibit symptoms, or at least it wouldn't call forth this extreme of a reaction in such a short amount of time.

Water from the well? Impossible, would have same reaction from the first...

Troy swung around to look at the water in the pot that had doubled as his water bucket, it was still half full. He strode to the now suspicious liquid and scooped up the metal container. He looked for sediment, it had tasted too clear to be contaminated with some toxic substance, probably. However, that didn't rule out the possibility of bacteria, though groundwater is usually filtered naturally through sediment and other minerals. At worst he would get a stomach bug, not the Ebola virus, which meant that if the well water was responsible it was due to an unknown toxin introduced last night.

He weighed his options. This was the only source of clean water as far as he could tell. The river was filled with fish, and therefore fish shit. If the well was contaminated and he couldn't find another source of water he was unbelievably screwed. For a moment, the man scrutinized the clear liquid, seeing if anything living in it could be discerned with his naked eye, but nothing showed itself to him. He paused, he needed to be sure, and if the water wasn't the cause and he simply assumed it was, it could prevent him from finding the actual cause and could quite possibly prove to be fatal. He hastily downed the last of the water and returned to the riverbank, leaning against a rock. Troy sat in anticipation for a burning sensation like before, but none came. After ten minutes of waiting, he concluded the water was not to blame.

What was it? What could have possibly caused this?

Maybe an insect of some kind? A poisonous tick maybe?

The realization hit him like a semi-truck hauling steamrollers. The colorization of the ponies wasn't a warning for the nonexistent poisons they excreted, but rather the poisons of the TICKS they carried. It would be a formidable bond of symbiosis, if the ponies were immune and the ticks got a free meal, the ticks could defend the creatures and ensure the continuation of their food source and the food source of their genetic future at the same time.

Troy didn't have time to worry about fish shit, he stripped off his clothes and left them folded on the rock, content to wash them later.

Time for a bath.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apple Bloom groaned as Celestia's warm sun poked at the young filly through her eyelids. She casually sat up, smacked her lips and began to rub the sleep from her eyes.

Aw dang, Big Mac is gonna kill me for sleepin' in on a school day...

Only when the wee pony opened her eyes did she realize that this was not her house and she was not in her bed. The previous day's events flooded her mind; the forest, the storm, the castle, the creature. She spun around to look at her friends as they slumbered peacefully under the navy blue blanket/bag, all accounted for. She quickly scanned the surrounding chamber for any sign of the creature, but all that remained to remind her of its existence was the blanket, the large misshapen rucksack that it had used as a pillow and the cold embers of what used to be a fire. She nudged her friends, waking them from their respective slumbers. Scootaloo in particular needed an extra jostle to dislodge herself from her dreamscape.

"Huh, Apple Bloom? Where‐" Sweetie Belle mumbled as she looked around. For an instant, she froze and her eyes widened in realization, "Where is the... thing?" she whispered.

"Dunno, wasn't here when ah woke up. Speakin' of which, none of us got eaten, so ah think we're safe for the time bein'." The farm filly mimicked her friend's hushed tone.

"Where's breakfast?" The adjacent half asleep pegasus grumbled.

The Apple family's youngest gave her a flat glance, "Do yah even have the slightest idea of where yah are?"

Scootaloo looked around, immediately her eyes grew wide as if seeing her location for the first time. She let out an audible gulp. "So..." she began with an uneven voice, "where's‐"

"Not here." Sweetie Belle answered her friend's unasked question. "But its stuff is still here, so it'll probably be back."

"Then why are we still here?" The orange pegasus bolted upright and motioned towards the large door at the end of the hall, "Let's get moving before that thing comes back and eats us."

The three ponies quickly made their way to the door and jumped at the handles. Scootaloo got hold of one ring and Apple Bloom had another, both of them pulled as hard as they could, remembering from yesterday how the doors actually opened.

Unfortunately, the ancient metal was content to sit still and leave them to their pointless labor, the fillies just didn't have enough strength to budge the slabs. Even when all three pulled on a single door, though it didn't help that due to their size they had to pull downward, pulling the door against the ground to add extra friction, completely negating any actual pull they had. No matter how hard they pulled it was to no distinguishable effect.

The three collapsed onto their backs, panting from their fruitless efforts. Apple Bloom was the first to right herself and stand up. She paced back and forth deep in thought, "Maybe there's another way outside." she proposed. "Quick, look fer a way out," she whispered.

The cutie mark crusaders split up and looked down the three passageways that led out of the great hall, one was blocked by metal doors that had been propped up. They were too heavy to wiggle loose so that wasn't happening. The second passage seemed to split upwards and downwards leading deeper into the castle. The third and final passage had a large hall with what appeared to once have been a courtyard. The fillies smiled at the blue sky, they were out.

The grass was thick and luscious and the ponies' stomachs reminded them of their lack of dinner last night. They knew they weren't supposed to eat grass that was still in the ground on the account that it might have dirt and grit in it, but with the rain from last night, they all agreed they could fudge it this one time. As they nibbled on breakfast, Sweetie Belle spoke up in between bites.

"Do you really think that we need to sneak out of the castle? I mean, whatever that thing is it didn't seem too interested in us. I don't think it will mind if we leave."

"And what if it wasn't all that hungry yesterday? You saw‐" Scootaloo let a shiver crawl up her spine. "‐what kind of stuff it eats. It could be just saving us for later, to turn us into pony stew!"

The two girls turned to their unspoken leader, who was in deep thought. After a moment of consideration, she finally voiced her opinion. "Ah don't think it's all that interested in us, but Ah think it's better that we don't stick around to find out for sure. Let's get a move on."

As the group rounded a large well they became acutely aware of the creature's presence. They instantly froze in place, not wanting to garner the thing's attention. Only one thought was shared unanimously by the trio, figures. They noticed two rather odd things. First, it was crouching in the river, and second, was completely unclothed.

Its back was turned, but the girls had a clear view of the creature. The whole thing was a light shade of pink with sparse patches of fur on its legs and arms but not much else, though hair grew in a few weird places, like underneath the pits of its forelegs.

Why would it need fur there of all places?

The younger Apple pondered this as the creature seemed to groom itself. It gently poured water out of its cupped not‐claws. As the dirt and grime began to clear from its body, it began to examine each body part, combing through its patched fur.

"What do you think it's doing?" Sweetie Belle asked as she slowly trotted back behind the well. Soon, only her head was visible as she continued to watch the odd scene unfold before her. She was soon joined by her friends.

"I think it's taking a bath, do monsters take baths?" Apple Bloom's confusion was shared amongst her friends.

"Doesn't it look kinda... sick?" The girl's eyes snapped to the pegasus filly. "I mean, no wonder it wears a bunch of clothes, almost all its fur's fallen out."

"I dunno, it doesn't look too bad," Sweetie Belle replied halfheartedly, "I think?"

They returned their gaze to the strange creature fate had brought them to. It was standing now, the muscles in its legs could be easily seen as they rippled while it walked farther up the river bank. Its head swiveled to look at the mountains that poked over the trees in the distance and then back towards the castle and the girls. The self‐designated crusaders ducked behind the well. After a moment they heard the sloshing of water and the ruffling of damp cloth.

The nervous fillies hesitantly poked their heads out again, to find the creature had replaced the large garment that covered its lower legs and lower body.

"What's that thing it's wearin'?" Apple Bloom pondered more to herself than anypony else.

"I think they're called pants." Sweetie Belle piped up, "Rarity told me that some stallions wear them at formal stuff, like at the Grand Galloping Gala. She said that they aren't really popular though, they're really uncomfortable, especially if it chafes your tail."

"So does that mean that thing is a guy?" Apple Bloom inquired, earning a confused look from the orange pegasus companion to her left.

"Of course it's a guy, didn't you see?" this time getting two confused looks herself.

"See, what?"

The speed demon immediately broke out into a light blush. "Uhh. Nothing. It... It's a guy. Trust me on this one."

The two gave her an odd look and then decided to go back to watching the male whatever it was do its thing, only to realize it was coming towards the well. They quickly pressed themselves up against the stone structure, earning a look from Scootaloo who in turn leaned out to see what had alarmed her friends so. Needless to say, she joined her compatriots in their cowering in short order.

"Anypony else getting Deja-Vu? Sweetie Belle whispered, "Or is it just me?"

The unicorn had two hooves unceremoniously shoved into her mouth.

Again, the steady not‐hoof beats of the creature approached the three fillies, stopping on the other side of the well. After a moment they heard a small bit of rustling and a muffled splash. In a few moments, a sloshing noise leisurely rose from the ancient wellspring until it was directly above them. Then suddenly a small kettle of water attached to a rope was lowered onto the ground in front of them. A synchronized blink later the group looked up to see the paw‐claw‐thing slip out of sight. The creature then strode from around the well and made his way inside, only pausing to give the group of multicolored ponies a sideways glance and to mutter something in its native tongue before disappearing inside the castle.

The fillies stared at the water pail as its contents glinted in the mid-morning sun. Now that she thought about it Apple Bloom realized that she was actually pretty parched.

She bent over and gave it a sniff, "Don't drink it! The water might be poisoned!" The farm filly turned to and gave a rather non‐pulsed look to her orange be‐winged companion.

"Ah really don't think it is, 'sides Ah'm thirsty!"

"But you don't know‐"

The bickering was cut short when Sweetie Belle surprised both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo by taking a big swig from the pail.

"Doesn't taste poisoned, it actually tastes pretty good as far as water goes."

The two stared at the unicorn like she had grown a second head.

After a pause, the three friends took turns drinking from the pail until it was empty. As they finished the creature returned carrying its giant bag, it could have easily carried a filly inside, maybe two if he squeezed them in real tight. Spying the empty water 'bucket' he reached down and picked it up, tossing aside his pack. The girls backed away, but not as far or as quick as they had before. They watched as the creature gently lowered the rope into the well and after a moment of fussing with the vine pulled it back up. The girls watched its strange forelegs and paws work in perfect harmony pulling up a filled pot of water. It gingerly laid the metal pot in front of the group before him and grabbed his bag and once more set off towards the steam.

They watched as it reached into the bag and began to pull out more of its strange clothes.

"What's it doing?"

"Ah think it's called laundry."

"Do monsters do laundry? I mean, I can't really see a diamond dog washing a vest or two."

"Apparently this one does."

The group watched as the creature wrung out each article of clothing in turn, before laying them in the sun to dry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy smiled at the satisfying slap his final shirt made against the rock, he'd checked everything, from his clothes to every patch of skin he could lay his hands on. No ticks, no parasites, nothing. Part of his mind still nagged him about that little episode. The human body just doesn't vent blood from the upper orifices like some morbid fountainhead.

Fountain head, ha, stupid.

Troy blinked, maybe that blood loss was affecting him more than he thought.

He decided, that since he had no way to deduce what had caused his 'episode' the only option he had left was to ignore it until he could find a proper medical facility with people trained to figure this shit out on a daily basis.

In the meantime, he could only continue to repair his improvised home. While it was impressive, to say the least, it definitely could stand for improvement. The polychromatic ponies seemed more at ease when he was at a distance, though they didn't seem to be as terrified of him as they were before. He continued to ignore the creatures as he passed the well and went to retrieve his current project. He carried the coiled ropes out one at a time, due to their size and weight. Lastly, he brought out the longest coil of vines he had and began to make measurements. After a few minutes, he had the length he wanted and the distance spaced out between two large stones.

He hurriedly began winding the vines around the stones and cut the sinewy strands into a pile, all of them approximately the same length. He began twisting two strands together and then tied them in between the knots in the larger ropes. The intrepid adventurer stood back to examine his work, comparing it to the picture in his mind.

This mental picture is brought to you by DigiTech's Mental Imagining Scanner, coming soon to an airport near you.

He had made a monkey bridge in the later years of scout camp, he didn't have the materials for the wooden frame, but thanks to his hatchet he could easily remedy that. He searched out beyond the river and came across some young trees, just the right width for what he needed, not quite saplings, but not mature either. Though, he would have to shave them down a bit. Troy couldn't help but smile, and as he began his work he soon found himself breaking out into song. He had been doing a lot of that as of late.

"♪I've got the brains, you got the looks. Let's make a lot of money!♪
♪You got the brawn, I got the brains. Let's make lots of money♪
♪I have a love of scheming and messing around with jerks.♪
♪My car is parked outside I'm afraid it doesn't work.♪
♪I'm looking for a partner, someone who gets things fixed.♪
♪ Ask yourself a question; do you want to be rich?"♪

Pet shop boys are so underrated.

As the oblivious woodsman set about his task, he failed to hear the soft note of a far-off howl in the distance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another Time... Another Place...

Six mares barreled through the underbrush of the Everfree, desperate to reach their destination and whatever answers they might find there. As they passed through thicket, scrub, and shrubbery they caught sight of a gnarled tree. The wild looking wood was dotted with vials and flasks hanging from its branches, with only the resident of the mysterious tree knowing what kind of elixirs they held. As the group of mares entered the hovel they passed under a large mask adorning the entrance.

As the six colorful creatures of harmony entered the hut, they came upon a rather odd sight. The zebra they had come to consult was upside down, resting on her head balanced perfectly on a bamboo staff. Every time she threatened to lose her balance the striped equine would gently lean to compensate, seeming to sway almost rhythmically.

"Excuse me? Zecora?" Twilight did her best to avoid startling the meditating zebra. "We need your help with something really important."

The potion master slowly opened her eyes and turned to face her guests, all the while still remaining on top of her staff.

"Ah, Twilight and the other elements I see, pray tell, for what cause do you require me?" The part-time hermit addressed her guests in her usual rhyming fashion.

"Well‐" The purple mare began but was briskly shunted aside by Applejack.

"Have ya seen Apple Bloom or the girls around by any chance?"

"The girls have not paid me a visit, but I suspect that's not the whole problem, is it?"

The farm pony hung her head, "They went intuh the forest, this forest at noon and no pony's seen them since."

She looked to meet the inverted zebra's gaze, "The last ponies to see the girls said they were goin' tuh see you."

Zecora's eyes went wide, "Surely you don't mean to imply, that I‐" Applejack instantly waved away the thought with a hoof.

"No pony's sayin' anything of the sort, we think the girls got lost on the way here and we'd really appreciate it if there's any way for you tuh help."

The mystic nodded, all the while managing to stay completely stable on her staff. With a quick twist the zebra flung herself up and after a quick somersault in the air kicked the staff into its corner and swiftly trotted to the door.

"There is no time to waste, come quickly and let us make haste."

The seven of them exited the tree and Zecora went to one branch and located a stout purple flask. After removing it from the branch she took a swift swig of the stuff and then returned it to its piece of twine on which it hung previous.

"What was that?" asked Twilight as she wrinkled her nose, the strange concoction left a strange musky yet tangy smell in the air.

"A potion to enhance the senses and the mind, with this, those wayward fillies we will be sure to find." The medicine mare blinked a few times, then seemed to look at the surrounding forest with a new vision. She sniffed at the air and her ears twisted and turned independent of one another. She calmly lowered her head to the ground and listened intently for a moment, as though it was telling her everything she needed to know. She then stood up and began to trot into the underbrush. The six mares immediately followed. With the exception of Rarity, who, to her credit, only hesitated a moment before plunging into the undergrowth.

"Well, did you find out where they are?" the distressed marble unicorn sputtered as she caught an errant branch in the face.

"No, I only made sure that there were no predators abound. With them gone we can freely move around."

"So all that weird twitchy stuff before was just to make sure we didn't run into any monsters?" Rainbow inquired as she fluttered above the group, hovering in between the underbrush and the canopy of the woods.

"It makes sense though, if you think about it" Fluttershy softly pointed out, "we won't be able to find the girls if every single nasty, angry, spiky and dangerous animal in the forest is chasing after us."

"I just don't like that we have to sneak around." The polychromatic pegasus pouted, however, she let the subject drop.

The group came upon a worn game trail, and Zecora immediately began to follow it deeper into the woods. While to most everypony it looked like a normal game trail, to the zebra's enhanced senses it felt completely different. The scents of all the animals that stalked this trail hung in the air, and the tracks left behind were fresh and round like a pony's, she could already make out Apple Bloom's scent out from hundreds of others, brought forth from a memory of the first time she met the filly. She had come to Zecora's humble abode searching for answers about the poison joke's effects on her sibling. She recalled she smelt slightly of Cinnamon and apple tree blossoms, akin to her namesake. The scent was like the needle of a compass, every bruised leaf and broken branch might as well been to a sign post. To her enhanced eyes the tracks stood out like the girls had coated their hooves in neon paint.

The group came to a clearing as the sun started to get dangerously close to the horizon and in addition to the waning light, dark clouds began to gather overhead. The group of assorted ponies followed their guide in tense silence. Both Dash and Fluttershy would cast wary looks to the clouds swirling and roiling above, the latter would give a slight 'eep' every time she spotted a particularly dark formation.

"Oh dear," Twilight's gazed into the distance as a curtain of rain rushed forward and enveloped the group of travelers.

For the first time since they had set out, Zecora began to look frantic. The rain was drowning the scent and washing away the tracks. The weight of the water bowed the leaves and covered any sign of passage.

She quickened her pace and bolted forward, before all signs of the trail were completely washed away. The elements of harmony crashed through the brush behind her as they joined in the chase. Lightning split the sky, and was followed by a strangled yelp from a certain pegasus in short order, before it was drowned out by thunder. Still, they all broke into a desperate gallop. With every step the storm became fiercer and the curtain of falling water became a thick soup of fat raindrops.

Finally the seven speeding equines came to a large winding river that was in the process of flooding. Zecora began to pace up and down the shoreline looking for anything that might give a sign or point her in the right direction. The girls immediately joined her search, but after fifteen minutes of fruitless labor the mystic sat down heavily on her haunches under the relatively dry canopy of a nearby tree.

"I'm sorry, but the storm has washed away their trail, I don't know where they've gone to, it seems my search was doomed to fail."

Fluttershy joined the dejected zebra under her tree, "You didn't fail us Zecora, you got us farther than we would have ever gotten on our own."

"That's right!" Rainbow called from the air, "We can still keep looking, they're probably around here somewhere."

The speedster darted upwards and began scanning the riverbed. Applejack was pacing back and forth along the bank, calling out for Apple Bloom, trying to shout over the storm. Pinkie Pie was checking bushes and logs for the fillies, with no apparent luck. She bounced in between the trees sporting her umbrella hat, searching for the girls everywhere she could think of, like it was a game of hide and seek.

Rarity approached Twilight as the purple mare was quickly speed reading a few of the books she had brought under a tree, the marble pony watched her friend paged through a tome. Looking at the title it was obviously related to magic.

"Twilight dear?"

She watched as the unicorn jumped a little before looking at her with sorrow.

"I'm so sorry Rarity," The librarian's voice was unusually small.

"I looked through as many books having to do with tracking as I could find on short notice, and these were the only books that had them. But they all need preparation of some kind like a spell being cast on two halves of the same stone or something else."

The drenched master of fashion trotted forward and began channeling a spell through her horn.

"Rarity?" The mare in question looked at her purple friend.

"I'm modifying my gem finding spell, if I can tweak it just right I might be able to find the girls."

The librarian pony reeled back in surprise. Changing the nature of a spell was dangerous, it dealt with too many unknowns and could undermine the spell's structure, causing it to collapse, usually with disastrous results.

"Rarity‐"

"I know it's dangerous Twilight," She interrupted, "and I'm sure you know it better than I, but..."

The unicorn's voice was smooth yet still uneven, like ice threatening to crack under the pressure of an unseen weight.

"I have to try, what good is a spell that can only find something as common as a diamond when it can't-" her voice broke, it was so soft Twilight could barely hear it over the storm. "If there is any chance, just one chance this could work, I have to try."

The white unicorn did not move, standing stock still, but her friend could see the worry and turmoil in her eyes. Twilight walked over and leaned against her compatriot. She said nothing, she only watched her friend as she gazed forward, as if her sister would stumble out of the bushes at any moment. The lavender librarian couldn't tell if her friend was crying, if she was, the tears were lost in the rain.

Rainbow Dash returned about ten minutes later to a sorry sight, all the ponies were at a loss. Even Pinkie was sitting defeated with her hair deflated, holding onto her tail waiting for some kind of twitch or some kind of sign.

"What the hay?" The cyan pegasus shouted over the storm, "Why is everypony just sitting around when we could be looking for those fillies?"

"We can't find them in this storm, Rainbow." Twilight couldn't bear to look her friend in the eye, "and the sun has nearly set, we can't find them."

"Then we'll just find them when the storm's over. Come on! This isn't over yet!" Dash pleaded, "We still have a chance."

"Actually..." All eyes were on Pinkie, it was the first time she had spoken in a while. "My Pinkie sense hasn't picked anything up. Maybe they're not in any danger right now."

Twilight was about say something when Zecora interjected.

"It's strange, usually one or two creatures are around," the zebra turned to Twilight, "but there are none to be found. The rain might be too harsh for the animals to come out, if that's the case those girls have one less thing to worry about. Those fillies are smart, quick and clever, they will be fine if they can escape the weather."

"Ah ain't givin' up," Applejack looked up at Dash and cracked a weary smile, "and that's for darn sure."

Lighting flashed against the black sky, the ponies huddled up and hatched a plan; Twilight would write a letter to the princess, the sun had already gone down so she would probably be asleep so the librarian would have to wait at home for the reply.

Rarity and Applejack would go home and rest, that way if the girls made it home on their own they could let everypony know. Fluttershy would go home and in the morning talk to the birds that traversed the Everfree forest, to see if they could help look. Pinkie pie and Rainbow Dash would stay the night at Zecora's house so they could start looking first thing in morning. The zebra was more than willing to put them up for the night.

With new determination burning in the eyes of everyone present, the huddle split and all but three of the seven made for the edge of the wood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...

Troy causally pulled the rope in his hands taut before tying it off on a stake. He had hammered it in and driven it deep into the ground with the blunt side of his hatchet. He was actually proud everything had come together as well as it did, he had half of the bridge standing upright and tied off on his side of the ravine and it was only noon. Well, almost noon. Anyway, he had only one more task before he broke for lunch.

This is going to suck.

It was all he could think as he mounted the rickety rotting log that spanned the chasm. He had two long and sturdy poles strapped to his back with a bit of leftover rope along with three lengthy stakes to secure the structure, along with the end of the bridge wrapped around his waist. The perturbed pole‐man began to gradually pull himself across and out over the edge of the cliff. He didn't dare look down, looking down required leaning over to one side and that meant he could very easily loose his balance and fall a very long way. Not that he would necessarily hate the fall, it could be rather enjoyable, like a roller coaster ride maybe. It was the landing he was wary of. He had bigger plans then becoming a smear on a rock.

About halfway across he could feel the bark come apart in his hands, the tree groaned and small cracks and snaps could be heard from the logs midsection.

scootscootscootscootGOGOGOGONOWNOWNOWNOW

Contrary to popular belief, encouragement is not the best form of motivation. Threats are by far one of the more effective forms of persuasion. Threatening to send someone plummeting to their doom, for example, is quite effective. Which the tree managed to do quite well given its non‐vocal handicap.

Once safely across he removed the poles and the stakes and lay on his back, feeling the rope gently pull at him. After admiring the passing clouds he slowly righted himself and prepared to finally finish his bridge. As it was his only option as the rather loud cracks coming from the battered piece of wood made it clear. The odds of getting back across that log safe and sound were about the same as getting an invite from Cthulhu for a friendly get together over a nice dinner. First off the Elder god was notorious for his complete lack of table manners, so the promise of a pleasant meal was completely off the table. Also he didn't really play well with 'mortal folk', too squishy and not enough mental fortitude.

Let's just get this stupid bridge up and be done with it.

Unbeknownst to the handyman, he was being watched by three large pairs of eyes, huddled in a bush.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Now?" Asked the purple set of peepers.

"Not jus' yet." the amber eyeballs replied.

"He's too close to the log right now, did you forget the plan already?" The green eyes couldn't quite contain the annoyance of the pony they were attached to, namely Sweetie Belle.

"NO, I didn't. Scootaloo's tone was one of indigence though it quickly turned to one of concern, "you think those wolves are gone by now?"

The band of fillies desperately wanted to go home, even if it meant getting punished. The only problem was the creature was working near the log putting up some kind of structure. so they couldn't get to the impromptu bridge without him noticing. They would have gone before then, but they had heard the howls of a pack of timber wolves. The lumbering predators were not close judging by the echo, But they were close enough that the girls didn't want to go into the woods until an encounter with the beasts was unlikely.

By that time howls had faded into the distance the creature had set up shop and made escape difficult. The girls had varying levels of mistrust of the creature, it obviously didn't intend to hurt them. In fact it seemed quite tolerant of them. However, they had no idea if and when that attitude would change. Not to mention they would be in a REALLY bad position if it did turn on them.

While the fact it ate meat was a little off-putting, it wasn't too disturbing now that they had actually stopped and thought about it. Some animals like owls and snakes ate meat and that didn't make them evil. What worried the fillies was the fact that the creature was easily big enough that a single one of them was small enough to be a meal. And if it decided that one of them looked tasty, they weren't in a position to stop it from taking a nibble or two.

It had scooted across the log and was finishing setting up what looked like a bridge, but the bottom of the bridge was wrong. Instead of planks it had a single rope, it would be impossible for anypony to cross without losing their balance.

The creature pulled on the tethers securing the structure and slowly climbed onto the bridge and began to test the fruit of his labor. Satisfied it wouldn't collapse under his weight, the creature began to cross the bridge, deliberately setting one hoof in front of the other and balancing itself with its forelegs.

"This is it! GO! GO! GO!" The girls shot out from their hiding spot and charged forward. The creature watched in mild surprise as they approached, as they came he reached the middle of his bridge.

As they made their way toward the bridge, the creature seemed to realize their intentions and shouted something in its native tongue. Picking up the pace and trying to get to the end of the bridge, but it wasn't fast enough.

The girls quickly leaped onto their wooden escape route and began to make their way across. Unfortunately, their combined weight was more than that of the creature on the bridge, and as they reached the middle the sound of breaking timber rang out with a morbid finality. A large piece of bark jutted out of the middle at the split stopping Sweetie Belle in her tracks. The other two continued on, unaware of their friend's plight. The middle of the tree gradually began to droop as the final strands of bark and timber delayed the inevitable. The terrified filly turned tail and ran back the way she came, her friends already on the other side, only now turning to realize the state of danger their friend was in, but it was far too late.

The girls watched in horror as the first half of the log fell into the ravine, but the other half didn't immediately plunge, as Sweetie Bell neared the edge of the cliff, she could see the creature, he was desperately hanging onto the far edge of the log, trying to balance it out.

Two things happened at once, first the tree slid into the ravine carrying the strange biped to the edge of the chasm. Second, Sweetie Belle leapt with every bit of strength she had, colliding with the precipice as she pawed for a hoof hold. It was not enough for her to stop her fall, but it delayed it enough for the creature to scramble to her and grab a hold of her hoof.

As the terrified unicorn dangled over the fatal plunge below her she stared deep into the eyes of her savior. Wild and dangerous, like an animal, but they betrayed concern and fear like a pony. She felt oddly calm as it carefully pulled her up and over the lip of the cliff. It tossed her away from the cliff and flopped on its back, the two of them watched the clouds pass by for a minute before the creature got up and pointed at her with one of its fleshy digits and started barking at her. From what she could tell it was scolding her, but she really didn't care. She simply watched the clouds pass and marveled as they lazily changed shape as they moved. They were unlike any cloud she had seen before. While pegasi did sometimes shape clouds, these ones were always changing and becoming something new every second. They almost seemed freer than the clouds she knew so well.

She finally noticed that the creature was no longer addressing her and was at the cliff face, looking at the remains of the log then at her friends who were pacing back and forth, calling out to her.

The oddity simply stood tall and carefully took in the scene before him. After a moment he made his way to the castle and after a minute or two, returned with the rucksack. Once more he wore his axe and knife as he approached the tiny pony at a brisk but not hasty pace.

It knelt gently and removed the pack, opening and motioning at it and the bridge. Its intentions were obvious, it wanted her to get in the sack and take her across the bridge. The cream-colored filly was unsure despite herself, the monster had done nothing wrong, and it had even saved her life. It only kept you from falling so it could eat you itself. The filly tried to quiet her doubts, but while they would dissipate they wouldn't disappear completely. While she was apprehensive she slowly made her way into the sack, it was her only chance to cross the chasm now.

This is crazy, it's going to close the sack and start laughing any minute now!

As she turned to leave she was surprised by the sudden appearance of the creatures back. He eased the pack upward but never shut it, suddenly she fell back as the creature stood up. Repositioning herself she poked her head out of the backpack at an unfamiliar height. She was excited despite the fact she was riding on some unknown creatures back, she was almost taller than Big Mac, or at least that was what it felt like. No wonder this guy stands on his hind legs, this is incredible! The lone crusader thought as the creature nonchalantly walked to the large bridge it had made and stopped for a moment.

It knelt down and removed its weird hoof coverings. She was watched as he removed the tough brown wrappings and white fluffy tubes to reveal its oddly shaped hooves. They were very similar to its forelegs, but there were some big differences, for one it was sort of oval-shaped, and it had five more protrusions like its paws did, much shorter though. It tied the strings of the brown hoof corset things together and hung them around its neck before stuffing the white cloth tubes into them.

After that was finished it climbed up its carefully crafted bridge and calmly began to cross, using the stubby appendages that were once hidden to better grip the rope underhoof. As the two crossed the bridge groaned and swayed not allowing for either of them to relax. Until finally they reached the other side as her earth pony and pegasus friends looked on, completely dumbfounded from the proceedings. The creature removed his pack and released the filly. Once she was free he replaced his pack. To the surprise of everyone present Sweetie Belle began to nuzzle the biped, after a moment it returned the gesture with by stroking her mane. Afterward, he stood up and then gestured with one of his meaty paws to the forest, wearing a quizzical expression.

"I think he wants to help us get through the forest." Sweetie Belle spoke around the giant smile on her face.

"But‐"

"Ah don't think it wants to eat us. "Apple bloom interrupted her winged companion. "And this feller has been nothin' but neighborly since last night. 'Sides he could know the way to Ponyville, and even if he doesn't it can't hurt to have some giant monster as a body guard."

"Fine." the pegasus relented, "but he better not try anything funny."

The group of odd fellows set off into the wilderness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The voice in his head
Never stopped for breath.
It spoke of danger,
It spoke of death.
It shouted "Hurry,
pack up and flee!"
And all before his morning wee.

—Chuck Lorre quote #372

Editor note: Oh, and I lied about the cake.

Tooth, Timber and Ax

AN: This story was written long before S3:E9, also known as Spike at your Service aired. Thus, the details regarding timberwolves in this chapter won't appear to match up with what's canon. This is totally intentional and is actually foreshadowing, I swear. But if you really need to know how Timberwolves function, you can find the explanation Here.

Chapter 5

Tooth, Timber and Ax

Edited by: CosmicAfro

Princess Celestia woke early as her routine dictated; one thousand years of rule and one tended to find comfort in repetition. Get up, raise the sun, have breakfast and a bath in the calm eves of the morning. This was what had kept her going for all these years, the simple pleasures of routine that would get her through both dreadfully droll and hectic days alike.

As she returned to her chambers after the aforementioned routine and noticed a letter sitting patiently on her nightstand.

Eying the scroll with curiosity the princess lifted it with a bit of magic. It had undoubtedly been sent last night. What could have her pupil been up to at such an hour? Several possibilities popped into her head, each one tugging at her smile a little more. Although, the last one hiked her eyebrow in curiosity. Twilight was by no means a yearling anymore and she was beginning to approach that age.

With a flourish, she unwrapped the letter and began to read, and almost immediately her smile evaporated.

As the princess scanned the stationery her demeanor became increasingly grim. When she had finished reading the sovereign of the day quickly made her way to the balcony. She reared back and placed her hooves on the railing and carefully prepared to cast one of her more sophisticated spells, one only the likes of an Alicorn could use. She released a cascading wave of energy, feeling the presence of all the ponies and animals in Canterlot and beyond as it washed over her cherished homeland.

She directed her spell to the Everfree forest, as the magical tide washed over the woods she felt pinpricks, signifying the presence of the smaller creatures of squires, rabbits, and other woodland creatures. She then felt a melody of different sensations, each signifying their own speck of life, such as snakes, manticores, and other such things. Then she felt six unique presences, three were where she remembered Zecora's home to be, feeling out the zebra and the other two, which she recognized as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. The other three she knew as the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The monarch let a relieved sigh pass her lips. They were in the castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, the previous capital of Equestria so many years ago. There they would be safe, the stones and mortar had been blessed by both her and Luna, even now holding their essence. No creature that would do harm to her little ponies would dare approach the castle.

The princess hastily scrawled a quick note and with a flash of her horn sent it on its way. She set out for the main hall, a ghost of a smile returning as Philomena whistled a merry tune from her perch as she left. While part of her remained concerned about the safety of the little ones, they were being rescued by the very same ponies that had saved her country from eternal darkness, couldn't exactly go wrong there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight groggily rose to greet the day, her mentor's namesake gently pulling her consciousness into the waking world. She had barely gotten any sleep due to worry eating at the fringes of her mind. Then she realized she was also hungry and made the executive decision to raid the leftover hay fries in the fridge.

As she munched on the day-old hay, Spike entered the kitchen mumbling and grumbling. He blindly pawed at the counter until his claw grasped a mug of Blaze‐Pep brand tea, flavored with four kinds of chili peppers and had one heck of a kick. After taking a long drink the purple dragon began to regain higher cognitive function.

"Ahh, much better. So Twi, the princess hasn't sent her reply yet, what are we gonna do whi‐BURRRP"

A green tongue of flame erupted from the tiny dragon and morphed into a scroll. Which the purple mare snatched up and read with due haste. Once she had concluded her speed reading she turned to her assistant.

"We're going to go grab the gang and head back to Zecora's cottage. I know where the girls are."

They were out the door and already on the way to the Carousel Boutique.

"Where are they?"

"The Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters."

"The place you fought Nightmare Moon!? Isn't that, like, really deep in the forest?"

"I know Spike, but the princess said they were fine in her letter."

The lavender librarian gave a knock on the door as they arrived at their destination.

"Besides the castle has special enchantments from both Luna and Celestia themselves, there isn't a safer place for them to be."

"I hope your ri‐GAAAH!"

At that moment the door swung open to reveal a rather disheveled unicorn. Rarity's mane was tangled and unkempt and the bags under her eyes portrayed a lack of sleep. The seamstress let out an uncharacteristically unladylike yawn and smiled at the two friends in front of her. "One-moment dears."

SLAM!

The purple pony reeled as the door to the boutique closed abruptly, landing on her rump. She only had a moment to exchange a confused look with Spike before the door opened again. The fashion pony pranced out looking completely normal to the untrained eye. Twilight was barely able to catch the few stray hairs sticking out from her friend's mane that kept it shy of perfect. Under normal circumstances, this would have driven her appearance-obsessed friend up the wall (or more likely to the spa.)

"Sorry for my lackluster appearance dears, I didn't get as much rest as I would have liked. So Twilight darling, have you gotten word from the princess?" the sleep-deprived pony let out another yawn.

"Yes actually," Rarity froze mid-yawn as Twilight continued, "they're at‐"

"No time to tarry then, Oh, I'll go over and fetch Fluttershy and meet you at Zecora's den, and don't forget to wake Applejack as well!

The unicorn managed to rattle out the sentence at a pace a certain pink pony could appreciate without sacrificing an ounce of sophistication. All Twilight could do was sputter for a moment before her friend took off in the direction of the Fluttershy's cottage.

After a short impromptu intermission, the resident librarian shook herself from her stupor.

"OK then, uh, see you there," she said to nopony in particular. "Come on Spike, I'll drop you at the library on the way to Sweet Apple Acres."

"But, Twi‐"

"Hey, you're still being punished, mister. " She paused as the dragon slumped where he sat on her back. After a moment she added, "And I don't want you to get hurt out in the forest, you remember the last time you went into the Everfree and found that other dragon?"

The dragonling stiffened at the mention of the encounter, stifling a shiver as he shook his head.

"No thanks, I think any punishment is better than meeting up with that guy again. At least I'll live through my chores." The little dragon gave his caretaker a worried look, "Just make sure everyone gets back safe alright? That means you too."

Twilight smiled as the two neared the library, "Of course Spike."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometime later...

The four mares stood just outside of Zecora's hovel, with the morning sun filtering brilliantly through the tree boughs. Pinkie Pie was the first to bounce out the door, holding on to the tail of a still slumbering Rainbow Dash, dragging the sleeping speedster behind her in a rather unceremonious fashion. With the owner of the hut following behind with a look that was a mixture of amusement and mild worry.

"It's odd, your friend we will not awaken, but a remedy for this can be easily taken." The mystic lifted her hoof, revealing a fine blue powder, and with a light puff, she blew the powder into the cyan pony's face. An instant after the powder had hit her face Rainbow's eyes flew opened and bolted upright.

"I'm awake!" the newly conscious pegasus shouted. She blinked, almost as surprised by her sudden alertness as her friends were. Dash wrinkled her nose and sneezed out a small cumulus cloud, earning several odd looks.

"The hay?" the winged one muttered on spying the miniature oddity.

Twilight turned to Zecora, but the question died in her mouth as she watched the zebra take a stiff swig from a familiar flask. The circumstances of three puny ponies quickly came to the forefront of the unicorn's mind.

"Focus girls, those three fillies need our help." The resident scientist‐mage‐librarian turned to the potion master turned forest guide. "The girls are at the castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. The path we took to get there last time took a few hours, do you think you could get us there faster?"

Zecora raised a hoof to her chin in silent contemplation before answering, "The path you took twists, turns, and winds, but the quickest way is a straight line. I have a faster way, one that avoids the predators that stalk the road by day."

Twilight gave a small nod and the medicine mare began her series of ear twitches and other rituals that would guide her past anything that would do her harm. After she was finished, she set off at a steady trot into the shrubbery, followed quickly by six mares with Applejack leading the pack.

Please Apple Bloom, be safe was her only thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elsewhere...

How do Ah keep gettin' myself into these kinds of situations? was the only thought of a familiar farm filly as she clung with all her might to the tree branch she was currently hanging upside down from.

Her friends were in similar predicaments, though Sweetie Belle was clinging to the top of her branch, and Scootaloo was neatly perched on top of hers, though being a pegasus, that wasn't much of a surprise.

She watched the mayhem below her unfolded in grisly detail, the filly never imagined in her wildest dreams something like this could happen. It had started off so well...

Rewind<<<

...llew os ffo detrats dah tI .neppah dluoc siht ekil gnihtemos smaerd tsedliw reh ni...

play >

Apple Bloom slowly walked through the forest flanked by her friends and what had to be the strangest creature she had ever laid eyes on. And it was escorting them through the brush back to Ponyville, none of the other school fillies were going to believe this. She hardly believed it herself.

She chanced a look at the towering creature to her right. The thing was at least twice as big as her if not more. His head was constantly swiveling to and fro, scanning the forest for danger. As he did so Apple Bloom couldn't help but take notice of his ears in stark detail. She had noted earlier that they're in a weird place, but now that she could look at them clearly they mystified her. They curved exotically, some parts had odd ridges where there was no call for them and while it was definitely alien, it also looked...

Hmmmn

The farm filly struggled for a moment to properly describe the look, then settled on 'Artful' as the proper descriptor. The curves were like the stroke of a painter's brush, deliberate and graceful arcs encircling one another, with a sense of rhyme and reason that seemed to stay just out of reach to avoid her understanding. She wondered if the curvature was unique to this particular monster or if all of his kind had it, or maybe it changed from individual to individual as an identifying mark, like a natural name‐tag.

The group approached a clearing with a large tree to the side with a small wall of shale rock that jutted out of the ground behind it. The creature took a moment to examine the tree, apparently looking for something as its stare darted across the bark. Sweetie Belle moved to say something to her newest companions when a low ominous collection growls filled the air.

The four whipped around to discover a multitude of yellowish-green eyes staring from the shadows. The five pairs of peepers slowly approached revealing limbs of twisted timber and teeth shaped like thorns borrowed from the most malicious bramble patch in existence.

The ponies looked on in terror as the timberwolves advanced, while the creature was wearing a mixture of confusion and concern on his face. While the gnarled looking monstrosities advanced the biped's head was swiveling between the wolves, the fillies, and the scenery, looking for an escape.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy was panicking like crazy, what the fuck was he looking at!? He desperately looked for an open path or opportunity for him to slip away.

Really...

What!?

You're just going to ditch these little guys just like that?

...I don't know... I mean, if we can all get away‐

Do you honestly think you can lose those abominations in the woods, THEIR woods?

Then the bridge‐

And you think these things are going to wait while you carry your little buddies across that chasm one by one? Are you an idiot!?

Hey, this isn't a joke, I could get my ass killed out here! Troy was losing patience with his own psyche when he noticed the wolves had advanced much further into the clearing, forcing the fillies to cower behind him.

Pfff... You risked your life to return a freaking mirror, duck past a man-eating monster plucked from ancient myth and you honestly expect me to believe that it was any less dangerous than THIS?!

Those were calculated risks! Totally not the same thing, I don't want 'em to die. But what good does it do me if I get MY ass killed instead!

Troy continued his mental debate, unsure if he should fight or flee, or how to even fight one of these rabid wood carvings, much less five. While his concentration was elsewhere one of the more ambitious of the pack bolted around the side to get at the tasty treats he was hoarding. The tiny animals let out a soul-rending scream at the top of their tiny lungs, ripping Troy from his trance and obliterating any indecision in the process.

The screams were disturbingly similar to that of a group of young girls.

Several things happened at once, Troy stepped to intercept the beast before him while drawing out his ax and swinging it at his foe in a rage-fueled assault with a wide horizontal swing, at the same time the timber wolf sensed the movement and changed course to deal with whatever had dared to impede its hunt for food. Finally, a second timber wolf broke off from the pack to flank the human.

But Troy was not concerned with any of this at the moment, the screams the fillies had belted out had kicked his paternal instincts into overdrive, and with them came the buckets of adrenaline surging through his blood.

As the young man swung desperately at the creature's head, the only thought that rang out in the chaos of his mind was one that cannot be properly expressed in words.

The only thing that comes close is the sentence:

Kill them.

It was not meant to intimidate or inspire, to reassure himself or anyone else. It was a simple statement. A statement of fact, for there was no room for any kind of doubt in the human's mind, he was certain that these freaks of nature would die by his hands as he was sure that grass was green.

He expected to take out the creature's eye or at least wound the creature's face in some way, but that was not what happened.

When humans are under a great amount of stress and find themselves in situations where they need to protect their own, they are capable of incredible feats. This do-or-die strength birthed stories of mothers lifting upturned cars and trees off of their children. With a small boon from an unknown source, the moment Troy's ax connected with the wolf's head, it had all the force of a Volkswagen beetle behind it. To the surprise of all present, the wolf's head was completely annihilated, splattering the scenery with an oily green substance as the lifeless husk of his foe spun in the air a single time and landed with a sickening thud.

Time was slowed to a snail's pace as falling leaves slowly floated toward the ground and the world around the wayward hiker was brought into sharp relief. The wind was like a gentle ocean current swirling around him, with the sound of his heart beating a rhythmic thumping in his ears.

But there was another sound, like a steady drumbeat.

Acting only on instinct the young man wrenched his hatchet around and brought it over his head in a mighty arc, burrowing the weapon in the leaping form of the second timberwolf. Blasting into the neck of the creature and extinguishing the beasts glowing eyes as something important snapped under the axe blade. The wolf's momentum carried it forward as it bowled Troy over onto his back. Cursing he rolled the corpse of the coniferous carnivore off his body and readied himself for the next charge.

The largest of the wooden wolves seemed to be looking him over, weighing the options. The Alpha took slow deliberate steps, circling out of the mid‐morning sun and into the shade of the surrounding tree line, one wolf followed the Alpha and the other circled around in the other direction.

Troy's mind raced, they were going to charge then he would have to deal with two attacks from the front, occupying his hands and be wide open for an attack from behind. A picture of an attack dog going after a cop in a giant cloth suit sprung unbidden into his mind. Electric sauce poured over his brain as he formed a plan and shrugged off his empty hiking backpack and wrapped it around his arm, securing it in place with a buckle. Now he had a shield, one-time-use but better than nothing.

Constantly flipping his attention from the solitary wolf moving left to the pair circling right, Troy slowly pressed his back up against the giant tree, protecting his vitals and denying a certain angle of attack.

The charge was simultaneous, two from the right, one from the left. The smaller of the first two was definitely faster and received a boot in the face as the prize for its speed. The lone wolf found its mark, but also found it couldn't bite through the tightly wound fabric of the backpack as it thrashed violently, trying to shred the appendage it was attached to. Finally, the Alpha leaped over the fallen form of his comrade and prepared to sink its teeth into the human's neck. Troy intercepted it with his hatchet, catching it on the side of the head, the strike narrowly pushing it off target and sending it sprawling face first in the soil at the man's feet. The Alpha rose and charged again as Troy brought his left arm around. Canine met canine as the struggling timberwolf crashed into its leader, getting ripped off Troy's arm and taking the cloth shield with it as the two werehedges were thrown into the dirt.

The wolf that had been kicked let out a snarl as it charged a second time, only for Troy to stomp on its neck and swing his ax, the hatchet taking out one of its eyes. It whimpered pitifully as the hiker rained blows from his hatchet until its head was a splintered green pulpy mass.

Troy locked his sights on the remaining timberwolves, the Alpha looking right back while the other was occupying itself with savaging the remains of his bag. Taking the offensive, the young man charged the two.

The Alpha took a defensive stance, bending low and ready to attack. The last remaining subordinate wheeled away from the carcass of his backpack sprung forward in an attempt to intercept the hiker but the young man jumped over the charge and continued forward without slowing.

The Alpha lunged for one of the man's legs but instead found its head used as a stepladder as Troy ran up the lumbering lumber's massive head and jumped straight up. Twisting his body around like a cat as he reached the apex of his jump Troy brought down the ax with all his might, driving it into the massive creature's neck.

However the bark was too thick to cut through, so he started to hack pieces off the creature's neck, pleased to find that they came away with relative ease. Roaring with pain the beast began trying to buck the human pest off when the smaller of the two surged towards the young adventurer. Troy reeled away and slid to the side as the mutt latched onto his belt, where the young man's kidney had been a moment ago. Its claws tore through the khakis and cut soft flesh as it pulled him down. The hiker screamed in pain as he slipped from his position on the Alpha and landed on the smaller wolf that had been clawing at his legs with a loud snap.

As Troy warily rose he was happy to see that he had snapped the things foreleg in the fall, rather than his own. The injured timberwolf limped back, trying to get free of the fray. Troy didn't care at this point and returned his attention to the Alpha as it turned to him and began to charge. Troy kicked it in the face, its neck creaking as the wooden hide strained under the pressure of the blow. The Alpha fell backward and tried to right itself but Troy was NOT in the mood for any more bullshit and marched up and began stomping on the beast's neck.

The sound of breaking wood and snapping twigs filled the grove as Troy stomped on the Alpha, shattering the weakened wood. He continued until the head simply fell away, not caring in the least. The unhinged hiker continued his assault on the corpse until all the legs and tail were broken and splintered. The man wailed on the body of his fallen foe, as the young man's adrenalin rush wore off he let out a scream of pain, frustration, and triumph.

Exhausted he slumped to a sitting position and scanned the grove for the last wolf, only to find a trail of oily green liquid leading out of the clearing.

He let out a heavy sigh as the forest was quiet once more.

A loud shriek tore through the wood, shattering any sense of peace he had regained.

Rousing himself, the hiker turned monster hunter glanced around in direction of the unfamiliar sound and tried to keep his panic under control, he wasn't fit for another fight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The group had heard the distant scream of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and quickly changed direction. Applejack's mind filled with morbid images that could await them when they arrived. She willed them away in an instant.

In the distance, they could hear barks from timberwolves and cries from an unknown source, one that sent a chill down everyone's spines.

As they approached the area that harbored the sound the sounds of battle finally ceased.

"Come on! They're so close!" Rainbow shouted, and shot up through the canopy for a moment before coming back through again.

"There's a clearing over there, let's go!" the cyan pony weaved through the trees toward their target.

Applejack wasted no time in catching up, "Apple Bloom!" She called out hoping for some sign of anything.

"Applejack!" a familiar filly's voice called out.

Oh thank Celestia.

All the dark thoughts and doubts that had hung in the back of the mare's mind instantly evaporated. She charged forward, overtaking Rainbow as she weaved through the brush and burst into the clearing.

The scene before the cowpony rendered her speechless. Never before had she seen so much death.

Before her lay the corpses of four timberwolves, and each death seemed more horrific than the last.

One had its head splintered into pieces, while another had it split down the middle, oozing a sickly green sap onto the forest floor.

And it only got worse, one was cut to ribbons and all that remained was a tangled mess of fibers. But the last one took the cake. It was clearly an Alpha, but it was probably the one that had suffered the most, each one of its legs was broken and sticking out at sickening angles while its head had been 'removed'. The entire surface of its body was caved in like it had been run over by a stampede.

The orange mare felt like she was going to vomit.

"Applejack!"

The farm pony started and swung around to face her companions, while she had been standing dumbstruck they had caught up.

"Applejack, what..." Twilight's question trailed off as the carnage in the clearing came into view.

The group was rendered speechless, Applejack was the first to venture into the clearing followed closely by twilight and Rainbow Dash.

"What in tarnation..." was all the mare could say as she glanced at each of the bodies, she slowly approached the one that had been chopped to bits.

"APPLEJACK!"

Everyone jumped at the sudden exclamation.

The elder apple sister whirled around looking for the source of the voice, "Apple Bloom is that you, where are ya?"

"Up here."

Applejack looked up and sure enough in the group of fillies were all nestled in the boughs of the tree she was standing under.

"How did... never mind, Rainbow can you get 'em down?"

"On it!"

The cyan pegasus began airlifting the CMC down one by one. The second that the girls were on the ground they were immediately snatched up into enormous rib-crushing hugs.

"Ah was so worried about you, ya silly filly, yer in so much trouble." Applejack chastised the younger Apple, with tears in her eyes.

"Sweetie Belle, don't you ever do anything like this ever again, do you understand?" Rarity's cheeks were wet with tears as she nuzzled the smaller unicorn.

"Shorty, you're in for a world of hurt when you get home, I can't have my number one fan running off and getting herself eaten now, can I? I plan on having a talk with your parents about this." Rainbow Dash smiled as she held Scootaloo in a headlock and ruffled her mane.

Everyone watching started to get misty-eyed, except for Pinkie Pie was outright bawling her eyes out. Twilight stepped forward after wiping a tear from her eye.

"It's really good to see you three are alright. But what were you thinking coming into the forest alone?"

The group hung their heads.

"We were gonna get our potion-making cutie marks, but we got lost. We were gonna tell Rainbow, but..." Apple Bloom looked like she was about to cry, but Scootaloo quickly picked up the story.

"But those jerks called us babies and we had to prove them wrong!" the little purple maned pegasus stomped her hoof for emphasis.

Twilight shook her head, "You girls can't give in to peer pressure like that, see how much trouble you got into?"

Scootaloo tipped her head to the side, "What's peer pressure?" Though this time Sweetie Belle was the one to interject.

"Peer pressure is when somepony tries to get somepony else to do something they don't want to, adopt a certain viewpoint or conform to their group in some way, usually by saying it's 'cool' or trying to make it so they can't back out."

Twilight smiled brightly, "I think I know a few someponies who have a letter to write the princess when we get back."

The lavender librarian lowered her head to get eye level with the fillies and shot them a serious look. "Did you see what did this?"

"Uhhh"

The filly made to answer, shifting her eyes around, and eventually, they fell on a certain yellow pegasus, or previously yellow.

"Fluttershy, ya all right?"

All eyes were on the poor pony, she was deathly white and still as a statue. She was holding her gaze straight forward, and every time it started to drift she would shudder and she would stare at some distant point. Twilight gave the petrified pony a confused look.

"Fluttershy, what..." the lavender librarian suddenly became aware of her surroundings.

It only took a second for the realization to sink in. The most kind, caring and easily scared pony in Equestria was standing in a pile of corpses that had obviously died gruesome and violent deaths. The fact she was still conscious was a miracle in and of itself.

"Fluttershy! Oh, I'm so, uh, Pinkie can you‐"

"On it." The aptly named pony said with unusual seriousness. She slowly turned her friend around and away from the carnage and led her back towards the brush, when the pegasus began to make gagging sounds.

"Uh oh" was all the pink pony could say before her charge relieved herself of her stomach contents.

"Oh, dear."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy watched a pegasus, one that was quite arguably the cutest being in all of existence, repeatedly vomit all over the forest floor.

I have now officially seen everything. Though honestly, I was expecting it to hark up rainbows, that's weapons-grade adorable right there.

He thought as he clung to the upper reaches of his perch.

Back when he had heard the commotion those ponies had raised he made the snap decision to hide. He hadn't known what they were at the time, but he was intensely satisfied with his choice.

Seriously, there's a reason you don't get between Mama bear and Baby bear. And that reason is a called 'a mauling'.

The little ones were definitely the children of some of the adults in the group.

The one with the bow was obviously the child of the one with the hat, even from his tree in the distance, he could see the family resemblance. Same with the white and purple unicorn and the tyke. The way they were talking, at least the way it looked like they were talking, was the same way a parent scolded a child. The pegasus was less obvious, it was definitely possible those two were related. Though the coloration in no way helped give any indication.

Ok, for real, that thing looks like... no. Fuck that, I not touching that with a nine and a half foot pole. I don't know what circumstance conceived that thing and I don't wanna know.

Troy looked over each of the ponies one by one, as he did he noticed several things. First, he noticed one looked distinctly like a zebra. The creature had neck hoops he had seen worn in national geographic along with large hoop earrings. The second thing he noticed was the markings on the rumps of all the older ponies. Each had a symbol or other mark, each depicting something as obvious as a star, or as bizarre as a bunch of balloons. Even the zebra's stripes coalesced into a distinct marking.

More importantly, while the older ones had the marks the younger ones definitely did not. Troy could only wonder at their significance for a moment. OK these things can think, so are those tribal markings? Maybe clan insignias? Each show which settlement they hail from or maybe a coming of age thing. Before long the group slowly began file out of the clearing back the way they came.

Shit, they're leaving... OK. Options:

1. Follow them? Bad idea if not impossible, they have better hearing and this loose brush renders all stealth capabilities moot.

2. Reveal self and join up? Horrible idea, they have children with them so they will be on edge, plus covered in weird plant blood/goop. I will be seen as a threat and attacked on sight.

3. Return to base and continue survival operations and investigate the 'Ponies' at a different time.

Troy mulled over the options only for a moment. Option three was the only one that didn't present any complications. Besides, while sentient freakishly colored ponies were intriguing, he had work to do.

Satisfied the group had wandered a safe distance away, the young man dismounted his branch and landed on all fours, only to slump to the side as pain shot up his leg. Shit. This is going to get really bad really quick. He eyed the claw marks and the tears in his jeans.

Cursing he started limping in the general direction of his camp, at least he hoped it was the right direction.

Seriously though, getting back is going to be a bitch and a half, there was no real trail that we followed so getting back will...

Troy's train of thought derailed as he spotted tracks leading into the clearing, small circular ones side by side with long oblong ovals. Troy shrugged, at least the tracks were clear‐

Cue the flood of Electric syrup smattering the young man's brain.

Massive downpour, soft ground, hard hooves...

The misplaced hiker smiled a toothy grin; he quickly turned to a nearby tree next to the tracks and quickly carved an arrow pointing to the clearing with four swipes of his knife. He looked at his torn-up jeans, shrugged, and with a few careful cuts had a freshly made pair of shorts. Using the leftover scraps he made a quick bandage, careful to keep the particularly dirty parts of the bandage away from the wound.

<=

Slowly he began to pace himself as he walked back towards his camp. Pain was forgotten and gave way to excitement.

<=

As he left a trail of markings leading to the clearing.

<=

Making sure all the while that he could clearly see the next mark.

<=

Soon Troy was back at the ravine and marked the beginning of his trail with a large X on the first tree with an arrow wrapping around the tree pointing to the trail.

Troy crossed the bridge and returned to the camp, gathering up his various items and placing them on shelves made from broken cobblestone and loose rocks, only placing his most valuable possessions into the arms of the altar in the room's center. Namely his MP3 player, his playing cards, and his lighter.

He gave pause at the lighter, it was black with only a small fire hazard symbol on it with the words 'troubled childhood in progress' printed on the sides. His was an interesting one, to say the least. It was an old-fashioned wick lighter, none of that butane crap.

He left it on the altar, determined to get it later after he had changed. Troy took the first aid kit and hobbled out into the courtyard and to the well. He slowly undid his makeshift bandage, removing his bloodstained boot and sock and using the sock to wipe the blood off the said boot. Slowly he began to wash the wounds out with the water, wincing as he pulled the cuts open to flush out any dirt or grit lodged inside. The gashes weren't deep enough to be too dangerous, but enough to cause problems. After that was done he removed a small bottle of hydrogen peroxide from the first aid kit and began to douse the slashes. Oh, how it burned.

After the pained yelps and cursing had passed he closed the wound with some band-aids and wrapped his leg with gauze to help stop the bleeding.

Troy carefully began to strip his stained clothing and took a bath for the second time that day. Only this time using well water and taking care not to wet his bandaged leg. He scrubbed the dried greenish oil/blood off his skin and out of his hair. After he toweled off with one of his remaining clean shirts, he moved back into the castle and dressed. Soon he wore a large pair of cargo pants, a brown T‐shirt, and a green hoodie with a thick liner for a little more warmth. He lay back and raised his leg, keeping it higher than his heart as directed by his first aid training.

If wounded on an extremity, keep the wound above the heart, so the blood had to make an uphill climb, and can't settle in the limb and bleed out.

Troy gazed out the window. Judging by the sky he wouldn't have to worry about the time or the weather. If he just let the wound close up and used a good walking stick for a while he would be able to move in an hour or two.

Troy was a man with a plan. He would leave when the sun had fallen into the final fourth of its journey across the sky. Those ponies had been kind enough to leave him a trail in the muddy earth softened by last night's storm. And he was not so unkind as to let it go to waste.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man will always have a desire for battle, for he was born to taste blood, and thus will chase it to the ends of the earth. Even to his own ruin. Only when someone fights to defend what they truly hold dear, instead of some odd cause called forth by some God or king, do they know the true meaning of honor, strength, and duty. Only then do they understand their own worth.

—Anonymous

Troy is fucking awesome.
~CosmicAfro, the editor guy.

Silent Steps

Chapter 6

Silent Steps

Edited by: CosmicAfro

"...That's when you came running into the field. And that's pretty much everything that happened." Sweetie Belle finished. The two other fillies nodded in agreement. Then turned their attention to the adults, of whom only five out of the seven present were conscious.

They were currently in Zecora's hut with the aforementioned zebra sleeping soundly in the corner on a large brown futon. Apparently using the path finding potion two days in a row like she had was very tiring and had the medicine itself had the side effect of extreme exhaustion. When they had arrived she had gone straight to her bed, plopped down and was out like a light.

Fluttershy was on her back, getting fanned by Pinkie and a giant palm leaf. She had barely managed to cope in the aftermath of the fight, and the very detailed retelling of the action had proven too much for her handle, along with the energetic re‐enactment the crusaders were all too happy to provide.

Rarity was looking on with absolute horror written all over her face. Rainbow Dash looked completely stupefied and Twilight's expression was the perfect representation of utter confusion and incomprehension. "And what did you say it looked like?"

"What 'd you mean?" Apple Bloom tilted her head like a curious puppy.

"Well you've told us a lot about what this creature did, but not what it looks like." The purple pony expanded.

"Well, it was really tall, probably as tall as Princess Celestia!" started Sweetie Belle.

"And it wore ah bunch of clothes, but only had a short mane on the top of its head. It didn't have any fur neither, just thin patches uh hair and pinkish skin." The farm filly continued.

"And it had these weird claws that weren't really claws, like, they were kinda like Spike's claws but without the pointy ends. OH, and there were five of them." the orange pegasus concluded.

"Wait, five? I thought you said there was one?" Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow as she hovered nearby.

"No, there was one creature, but it had five of the not claw things where a hoof should have been. And on the rear legs each one ended in an oval shape with five not claws that were really stubby looking sticking out, but you can't tell most of the time." Sweetie Belle supplied.

"Why not?" Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because it wears these corset things on them!" the miniature unicorn attempted to mime out the shape of the garment, only succeeding in falling over.

Twilight could only blink in incomprehension for a minute then shook her head, like the confusion in her mind could be shaken loose like cobwebs from her mane.

"So let me see if I have this straight," the lavender librarian said as she attempted to reclaim some modicum of sense without her brain stripping another gear. "After you entered the forest you got lost, correct?"

"Yes," Scootaloo answered.

"And then when you got lost, you took turns trying to find the path, hoping to get your cutie marks?"

"Yup," the youngest Apple in turn replied.

"And when that didn't work out you found a friendly river serpent that told you about the castle in the woods where you could spend the night?"

"Yes," Sweetie Belle replied in continuing succession.

"And when you reached the castle you were confronted by a really tall monster that wears corsets on its rear hoof things that are shaped like ovals, that you thought was really scary, but it turned out to be nice, invited you into the castle, let you sleep in its bed, sung you a lullaby and then when you got scared and tried to run away over a rotten log that was above a ravine it broke in the middle and the creature saved Sweetie Belle as you two had gotten over safely."

Twilight stopped and took deep breath before continuing.

"Then it carried her across said ravine on a bridge it made that only it could cross, after which it escorted you to the clearing we found you in, and when you became surrounded by Timberwolves, it threw the three of you into a tree, then proceeded to fight the five of them off, wounding one and killing four. Then when it got heard us coming it ran away back to the castle, which is also impossible because of ancient enchantments from both princesses themselves made keeps any and all monsters at bay. Which it appears nopony told this creature because apparently it lives there."

The three crusaders looked at each other then turned to Twilight to give a resounding "Yep."

For a moment the purple unicorn stammered and stuttered at the utter ridiculousness of what the girls were saying, after a minute of this her eyes crossed and the CMC could swear they could smell burning hair and see smoke coming out the pony's ears.

Rainbow Dash leaned over to Pinkie, "I think they broke her."

Applejack simply stared at the three with a look of utter disbelief with her ears lying flat, "Ya'll know that is the most ridiculous story I ever heard. And that's sayin' somthin' the way Braeburn carries on at the Salt Block."

"But it's true!" the girls cried as Apple Bloom trotted up to her sister.

"Sis, we ain't lien', honest." The lone crusader gave her sister the CMC special, the look of such undiluted cuteness that almost no pony could stand up to the combined efforts of all three of the crusaders. Applejack countered with a scrutinizing glare, any liar or wrongdoer locked in this gaze would immediately wither under its prowess.

The two battled for dominance in a contest of wills, after a minute had passed Applejack conceded, she couldn't see any sign of a lie and they had sounded perfectly honest before.

"Alright, alright. Ah' believe yah, crazy as it sounds, Ah believe yah."

At hearing this Twilight shook her head, seemingly done with her 404 ERROR impression. "I guess I can believe you too, after all, I don't think you three are capable of fighting off a pack of timberwolves all by yourself, much less slay the majority of them."

*eep.*

Twilight swung around to face Fluttershy, who had finally gotten to her hooves, shaky as they were, and was looking at the librarian in pure horror. At the remembrance of the grisly demise of so many creatures, the poor pink maned pony fainted once again, face-planting on the floor.

"Oh shoot, Fluttershy! I'm so sorry!" the lavender mare called out as she ran to her unconscious friend's side. Pinkie pie, who was sitting nearby, just shrugged and pulled out another palm leaf and resumed fanning.

Rainbow cocked an eyebrow, "Nice one Twi." The unicorn shot the hovering Rainbow Dash a stern look then went back to tending to her friend when Applejack spoke up.

"We need tuh get back to Ponyville. Ah know Ah'm behind on work and Ah'm pretty sure Dash needs to be tendin' to the weather."

Twilight nodded in agreement, "I think that's for the best, Rainbow can you help me carry Fluttershy?"

The speedster landed and helped maneuver the canary pegasus so she was balanced on both her back and Twilight's.

"Yeah, we'll be back in no time. Come on, let's go."

As the group exited the hut a certain pink pony bounced up to the zebra sleeping in the corner and scooped her up into a big hug. The mystic never stirred from her slumber, "Thanks a bunch Zecora," the party pony whispered, "I'm sorry I never threw you a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party and pegging you all wrong. But I promise I'll make it up to you." She set down the sleeping zebra and made to leave, but before she went out the door she turned around and whispered, "cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This shit's way too weird.

Troy was hunched over one of his wooden victims, he hadn't had the proper opportunity to examine the creatures before; especially since they had been trying to tear him into bite-sized chunks at the time. He was currently examining the most intact wolf, can I even call it that? It truly looked just like someone had glued a pile of wood into the shape of a wolf.

He had decided to attempt to follow the pony creatures after he had bandaged himself, that way the tracks would be fresh and he wouldn't risk exposing himself. As an added bonus any predators would be following the group or stalking their trail... and not him. It would give him ample opportunity to examine the situation in case something went sideways, rather than getting a nasty surprise.

He had followed his carvings back to the clearing and to his surprise found that nothing had approached the corpses left behind. He had assumed that some other creature would have tried to eat the carrion, but it didn't seem like they had been disturbed. The hiker was suddenly overcome with curiosity, what were these creatures and how did they function?

He paused for a moment and then removed his ax, after rolling the carcass on its back he began to hack at the wooden skin, drawing a line down the middle with gouges in the wood. After he finished his carving he slammed the ax into the corpse, splitting the wood down the line. He twisted the ax, trying to pull the chest piece in half, but it wouldn't give. Placing his foot in the crack and pushing with it while pulling with his left hand on the other edge of the crack, he slowly began to pull it apart. He quickened his progress by chipping apart key areas with the ax in his free hand.

Soon as he had the chest cavity wide open, the ax was returned to the belt and Troy drew his knife, slowly cutting away sinew and muscle, although those were poor words to describe what he found. While he found tough fibers that seemed to act as muscle, there were no sign of veins, a heart, or a rib cage. As he delved deeper into the creature he found what would pass as a stomach where he made a startling discovery.

There was no digestive tract, the stomach simply ended, he found the bones of several small creatures inside along with some dirty fur and dissolved pelts. Troy surmised that these creatures digestive system worked in a similar fashion to a pitcher plant. He also postulated that by the way some of the 'muscles' were arranged that once the stomach got filled with bones and pelt to a certain point it would regurgitate all the items it couldn't digest into a heap.

That would likely mean any territory heavily occupied by these creatures would be littered with such mounds. Troy made a mental note to look out for anything that fit that remotely fit that description. Continuing his dissection he found what would pass as a spinal column. Except, a spine had bone segments to protect the nerves and keep them from over extending in a given direction, here was no bone to speak of, or any thick fibers that could act as a proxy. Troy stopped his anatomization and pondered that for a moment. The more he learned of these creatures the less like wolves they seemed. He turned and looked at the fallen 'Alpha'. He examined one of the broken limbs, tearing the break in half to look at the center, No bones, just more pseudo‐muscle fibers.

It struck Troy like a bolt from the blue, these things were invertebrates. The outer structure acted as armor and structural support, which explained why the Alpha's head had been fairly easy to remove after he had weakened the surrounding neck area.

Looking at the head of the Alpha Troy walked over and picked up the severed cranium, he stared into the lifeless eyes that once threatened him with bodily harm. It suddenly occurred to him why these things were so dangerous. Presumably, they had no natural predators. The more he looked at the corpses the clearer it became, the lack of a heart, oily sap instead of blood, these where not animal/plant hybrids. These were plants, mobile carnivorous plants that operated on pack tactics equipped with natural armor. Any creature that would be capable of taking one of these down would be a carnivore as well, and uninterested in eating this thing since its digestive track wouldn't be able to handle the cellulose in the plant matter.

Additionally, any herbivore that could handle eating these things would naturally prey on surrounding flora, and would not be equipped to take this type of predator down. There was literally nothing to keep the population of these things in check.

An idea occurred to the hiker and he began prying open the Alpha's back, soon he had the sinews from around the spinal column. The fibers where thin but strong, perfect for bowstrings. Troy picked up the head and began to make his way back to camp. The man stumbled when his leg twinged in pain, the walk had opened up one of the cuts a bit.

Deciding to improvise, he cut down a thick branch from the nearby tree he had tossed the tiny pony creatures into previously. After he removed the branches he made himself a walking stick, he tested its strength and found that it was firm, but not brittle. After cutting down a second branch he continued back the way he came, his leg noticeably more cooperative with the additional support.

He quickly arrived back at the bridge and he started sharpening the second stick. The way he figured it, he had thrashed a group what were the current Apex predators of the forest, they could take on larger targets in big enough groups and nothing that could really stop them would bother the beasts, as it would be a waste of time and energy.

After he finished sharpening one end he flipped it over and began sharpening the other. Once he was finished he began driving the stick down into the earth, he twisted and turned the repurposed branch until he was certain it would stay up on its own accord. He gave it a test shove; it was solid and barely gave. Satisfied, Troy jammed the wolf head onto the sharpened end of the stick, working it into what he assumed was the cranial housing, or whatever was the plant equivalent of such.

The adventurer stood back to admire his work, it was pretty intimidating. The way he saw it, this thing sent a clear message.

To the wooden wolves: I can take down your toughest fighter and live to brag about it. How do you think YOU'LL fare?

To everything else: what lives here took the strongest of those wolves down, do not fuck with it.

After Troy made his way back to camp he found the rock he had dried his clothes on. He placed the fibers in a row for them to dry and now all he needed was a sturdy branch to make the rest of the bow and some arrows and he would be in business. He turned to the path to head back out, but paused for a moment, he would probably be better off equipping himself properly for an excision into the forest. He went inside and grabbed his lighter, then a green bandana from his clothes pile along with a green hoodie. The sweatshirt was a bit big, but it was thick and it would provide some mild protection, and if push came to shove it would serve as another shield.

Thinking about his backpack, Troy suddenly became acutely aware of how vulnerable his stuff was out in the open. He quickly gathered up all his items, including the bits of leftover rope and his water pail and placed them all in his sleeping bag. Once that was done he carried the sack up the stairs of the tower and hid it in the broken wardrobe.

At least this way if anything stumbles into this place it won't be tempted to swipe my stuff.

Tying his hoodie around his waist and his bandana around his head Troy set out once more. He passed the clearing without any trouble, as it seemed creatures were going out of their way to avoid it. He found the sets of hoof marks easily enough and marked the trail as he tracked the group. He made his way through the brush and tried to make as little noise as possible.

After traveling over the river, and marking the crossing with a pile of stones on each side of the riverbank, he continued into the wood for some time, checking the sun often as he guessed it was a little after mid‐afternoon. The sun was not dangerously close to the horizon, but if he didn't find anything soon he would have to turn back, he didn't want to chance this forest at night.

As he passed through a particularly thick bush he found a small tree hovel. There were a variety of bottles hanging from the tree's branches containing various liquids that he could only guess at. He crouched low and approached slowly, he chanced a look through one of the windows. He was surprised at how well the tree had been hollowed out, the inside sported various tables and shelves filled with apothecary supplies, in the center was a large cauldron and fire pit. Troy looked above the setup, and sure enough, there was a chimney of sorts to let the smoke from the fire out, so as not to flood the hut with smog.

What do you know, I have a neighbor, should've brought a fruit basket. Bitches love fruit baskets.

From what he could tell it was empty, seeing no reason to leave a stone unturned he moved to investigate. Walking to the door he gave the knob an experimental tug, pulling it open with ease. Ducking inside he made his way over to a table that had a few books adorning its surface. He picked a green one with an illustration of some kind of plant, standard fare for what he was rapidly coming to suspect was a herbalist of some kind. He idly flipped it open and paged through the tome, it was written in a different language than the one carved into the castle arch, but still illegible to his eyes. As he shut the book and placed it back on the table the young man heard the rustle of fabric.

The noise spun his attention to a corner of the hut where he spied the sleeping form of the zebra he had seen earlier. Even if it was fun-sized there was no doubt in Troy's mind, that was a fucking zebra.

Don't know about that other stuff, but this is for damn sure.

The sleeping zebra was seated on a bed, fast asleep under the window, its positioning had hidden it from view when he played peeping tom. Troy approached with caution, not wanting to wake the slumbering native. He carefully began to examine the golden neck bindings and hoop earrings. Not wanting to test his luck he turned to leave, however, his walking stick had other ideas. The bit of wood caught on his legs and he stumbled forward, he leaned back to try to balance himself but overcompensated, sending him sprawling on top of the poor creature.

Oh shit.

Troy braced for the cry of outrage and horror, maybe confusion and panic.

None came.

After a moment he decided to chance a look at the native he was currently lying upon. It was still fast asleep, and he wasted no time picking himself up off it. He hurriedly examined the bed's occupant again to, fortunately, find that it was still sleeping soundly, dead to the world.

Acting on impulse he slapped the creature on its hindquarters. Not even a flinch.

"Wow."

Heavy sleeper.

He turned to pick up his stick and leave, but a thought wafted to the forefront of his psyche. This was an opportunity to check what gender this thing was.

Do I really need to confirm this? Is the information that critical?

He pondered for a second, then two, then three. He sucked in a staggering breath. I want to way more than I reasonably should, but it's an intelligent being, no matter what gender. Besides, I'm pretty much breaking and entering here. I do anything else and they'll be sayin' some crazy monsters crawling in yo' windows snatchin' everybody up. So none of that.

Troy smiled and walked up to the sleeping zebra.

"Sorry for the intrusion, I'll get you an extra‐large fruit basket to make up for it. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll be on my way."

The creature chose this time to spasm in its sleep, kicking Troy right in his injured leg.

"GAAAAAAAAAAH! SHIT! MOTHERFUCKER!"

Troy began hopping in a circle around the cauldron

"FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!! Ngggggggnggngngnng... Ahhh‐hsssss"

He crouched and clutched at his leg for a solid minute.

"MMMMMmmmmmnnnn ...OK maybe a medium-sized basket, and we call it even."

The hiker exited the hut with a more pronounced limp than before.

It might have been the unexpected and violent blood loss this morning, the sudden attack via rabid foliage, the strange castle in the middle of nowhere, or the mythical abominations that wander the area, but something tells me this whole little adventure is going to SUCK.

He continued to mark his path, trailing the hoof prints to a patch of blue flowers when he noticed something odd. While the group had been spread out before, side by side, now the tracks had merged into a single line through the path. Not once did they stray into the flower patch.

Could be a coincidence, but creatures that are much more familiar with the local flora than you are deliberately avoiding these plants. For all I know these things melt the skin off your flesh...

...Let's not find out.

Sticking to the middle path Troy continued until the path widened and showed a great field before him. With the sun beginning to dip towards the horizon he could see a small town in the distance. The scene looked like a painting of a long-dead master, beautiful in the simplest of ways.

The exhausted and battered hiker leapt with joy, his pain temporarily forgotten. He raised his walking stick over his head and began to dance in a circle, hopping from one foot to another.

"YES YES YES YES! YES YES YES YES! FUCKING YESSS!"

Troy sang to himself as he spun around with a huge smile plastered on his face. After his dance session was done he bolted towards the closest-looking structure. It looked like the previous hut, but a lot more 'homey'. He was about to call out to whoever owned the quaint little cottage before he saw something that stopped him in his tracks.

Namely, it was two of the creatures that he had seen before, specifically the purple unicorn thing with the pink and yellow pegasus thing. He dived into a nearby bush, hiding from view. He was far enough away that he really didn't have to worry about being seen, but he wasn't taking any chances. He removed his bandana from his head and inverted it into a makeshift mask, then drew up his hood, hiding his face quite well. Though he was beginning to suspect that there might not be enough humans running around to throw off suspicion.

I get the sinking feeling that this disguise is going to be rather pointless.

Whatever, it made him feel like a badass, so it was worth it.

When he peered through the fringes of the shrubbery, he saw the two quadrupeds walk up to the entrance, which only now seemed small given the comparison. The yellow one seemed to be woozy as it conversed with the lavender one, after they finished the unicorn thing trotted briskly down the path towards the village and the other entered the house, only to be followed by a cornucopia of critters.

Only now did he realize how many animals were situated around the tree home. There was a chicken coop along with birdhouses and every kind of hovel any creature could dream of. Troy thought it better to avoid being detected near this particular house. As the occupant might have a stroke just from looking at him, judging how it had acted at the scene of his battle.

Additionally animals make wonderful people detectors, so let's avoid this place in its entirety.

Troy headed off in the same direction as the horned thing but chose to stay hidden in the brush surrounding the dirt road. Eventually, He came to a signpost that pointed in four different directions, though each of the signs were illegible to him and appeared to be written in the same script as the book. One of the signs pointed to a dirt path that led back to the forest another pointed in the direction of the cottage. Yet another was aimed towards the village, with the final two pointing down another dirt road. While he could see more trees in the distance he could see they weren't as wild as the trees of the forest.

Deciding he needed to kill time until it got dark enough so he could investigate the village he decided to check it out. As the newly appointed adventurer approached he noticed that many of the trees were covered in apples, in fact, most of them were. He noticed a large sign with an apple proudly displayed, carved out in silhouette, as if that explained everything you needed to know about the farm.

...They grew apples.

He looked around at the surrounding trees that lay behind the fence surrounding the farm, each one filled to the brim with apples.

Well... at least they have honesty in advertising.

Jumping the fence he continued through the light underbrush and took cover in the tree line. He made his way through the orchard, one of the most likely places that a human would be would definitely be a farm. Seeing as most farming tools would be difficult, if not impossible to use without hands. The only way one of these creatures would be able to use farming equipment would be if the tools were heavily modified for their use. He had yet to see anything that suggested anything along those lines. He saw wagons and large baskets of apples with handles and handles implied hands.

Now all he had to do was wait for the farmer to appear to collect his harvest, he could tumble out of the woods and give the old 'help I'm really lost' speech and everything would be better. Not great, but definitely better. As it turned out he needn't wait long, he could hear the scrapping and grunting of someone pulling one of those baskets.

As he poked his head around the tree his heart sank at what he saw. A large red pony thing, definitely male was dragging one of the bushels with his teeth. And with a flick of his neck, he swung the apples onto the wagon with the rest of the waiting crop. With only a single apple coming loose.

Troy was unsure how he managed to:

Get the apples on the cart without snapping his neck, judging by how high they were stacked they must have weighed quite a bit.

Swing an open-lidded container that full up onto that wagon and manage not to spill more than one single apple.

As he pondered these questions the apple rolled to the edge of the wagon where the big red pony expertly balanced the fruit on the tip of his nose and then flicked it into the pile with the rest of them.

As the pony pulled the cart up the road towards the barn, the only thing the hiker could think was: Did that guy just wipe his nose on the produce?

Troy just shook his head, as he did he noticed a difference in the sky's hue and looked to the west. The sun was falling behind the horizon and the heavens that had been previously dyed a bright orange was now a rich lavender. He stalked up the trail a little farther to get a clear look at the wagon-toting pony. It brought the wagon into a bright red barn, after a minute it left and headed to a large farmhouse.

The barn would be a good place to crash, as he couldn't leave for the castle in the night and hope to reach it safely. He circled around, staying hidden within the treeline until he was close to the barn. He slowly crept towards the door, staying low as he left the safety of the orchard.

He took a moment to look inside, there were bushels upon bushels of apples, stacks of hay in the upper lofts, and a large group of cows corralled inside. Troy felt himself smirk, the lofts would be a decent hiding place until morning. After he checked out the rest of the town he could sleep here if there were no other humans to be found.

He continued to the farmhouse, keeping low as the lights were still on. He slowly approached one of the windows this was a bit of a risk, but he had to be sure that there wasn't anyone else here. Maybe that guy was just a farm hand... does that term still apply if you don't have hands?

Troy slowly peeked around the corner of the frame, trying to keep himself as hidden as possible. He blinked as he saw four of the creatures seated around a large table. One was the large red one who seemed to be... talking sternly with the small one... That was wearing a ribbon.

So this is where that pony thing lives, hmmm?

He smiled as he looked at the orange mare as she nodded along with whatever the red one was saying.

Glad they got home alright.

The last one was an elderly green thing, he was honestly stumped unto what its gender was until it opened its mouth. Only old ladies could have that kind of high-pitched and screechy voice. It reminded him of his great grandmother, bless her soul.

Pulling himself out of his reverie he examined the table, four place settings. Troy nodded and pulled away from the window, certain he hadn't missed any of the home's occupants. That unfortunately meant there would be no help for him here. He walked down the dirt path to the main road. The night had fallen and hid him well. He idly gazed at the stars and moon, one of the reasons he liked hiking was that if you got far away enough from civilization you could see the stars in all their glory.

He was so enraptured by the beauty of the night sky that he almost ran into the signpost. Sidestepping the wooden beam, he lazily strolled in the direction of the sleeping village.

He started to pass houses, some had lights on, but those were few and far between. They were shorter than they would have been normally. The surrounding buildings sported thatched roofs and clearly visible wooden beams. It reminded him of a village from a Switzerland postcard. Almost idyllic in its presentation.

*Klunk*

Troy jumped at the sudden noise, his walking stick had struck the road which had become paved in cobblestone. A light turned on in a nearby house. Troy dove beneath the window and lay as flat as he could.

In the light cast upon the street, Troy could clearly see the silhouette of a pony, and could also make out a horn. He did not breathe, he did not move. He slowly shifted his gaze upwards, there at the corner of his vision he could see the end of a mint green muzzle peeking out over the windowsill. After a moment the jaw retreated back into the house out of sight. The shadow on the street moved away as well, but not before the nearby shutters glowed with an eerie green aura. Without warning the wooden covers slammed shut, causing Troy to flinch. Only after the lights behind the window coverings were extinguished did he allow himself to take a breath.

WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT!?

It just got all glow‐y and then BOOM. Closed.

No strings, no wires, no levers or mechanisms. Just, BOOM!

Despite his complete incomprehension at what had just taken place, the man couldn't help but smile. He felt like laughing at the absurdity of the situation. He was sneaking around a village, dodging from shadow to shadow, to avoid attracting the attention of the pastel-colored unicorns and ponies romping around. This shit was priceless.

Troy suppressed his urge to laugh out loud, as that would defeat the purpose of hiding in the first place. Instead, he allowed himself a private chuckle as he lay on the street right beneath the windowsill. Picking himself up and throwing his walking stick over his shoulder, he ventured forth. Deciding to stick to the outer edges of the town to start, as he could see lights coming from deeper in the village, he turned onto another street. While still fairly out in the open, he didn't like how exposed he felt, so he stuck to back alleys and shadowy passages when he could. As he traveled he quickly decided to make a quick itinerary for the night's activities.

Item one: If possible, find another human. I doubt there are any around here given the circumstances, but even an off chance is still a chance.

Item two: Determine your location. At best you find your way home, at worst you find a map you can't read.

Item the third: Try to glean any information about this society. Anything that can determine their current level of technology. From copper in their cooking pots to steel in their structures.

Troy continued ducking through alleyways before he spied something that caught his interest. There was a fairly large house on a little hill, just at the edge of town. Troy paused for a moment, taking a good look at the structure. It obviously housed a very well-to-do individual. He mentally shrugged.

Well, humans by nature are enterprising bastards, probably worth a look.

After a bit of gate‐hopping, the man entered the compound. While the mansion was rather compact compared to Hollywood star mansions this was by no means a disappointment. Two stories and a third centered around the middle of the building. Troy crept around the house, sticking to hedges and finely groomed shrubbery.

He peered into any room with open curtains. Now that he thought about it, many of the windows in the homes below didn't have window panes. He pondered on this subject as he located a dining room, four places at an extravagant table, most likely mahogany. The table was also extravagant in length, stretching the length of the quite sizable room. He could see four place settings, so a family of four. So much like the farmhouse, yet he suspected they didn't have such a happy demographic as the last one. Despite the obvious scolding the youngest was getting at the farm it was obvious the orange and red parents cared for their child.

Those born among the privileged rarely had to want for anything, because they naturally could have anything they wanted.

And they said socio‐historical studies were a waste of time, you can still see common medieval European social development and behaviors amongst the entitled.

Said entitled would get anything they wanted as children and as they grew into adults, they believed they could have whatever they wanted by right. Because no one could tell them otherwise. Thus from this viewpoint, they would begin to regard others that did not share their stature as 'the lower class' and viewed such demographics with disdain and would treat them as if they were less than human.

Now he was curious, did these creatures share such sociology, or were they above such viewpoints due to being herbivores and therefore did not require an 'Alpha'? Possibly perhaps due to their nature as pack animals? Perhaps, perhaps, but there was no point in hypothesizing that fact at the moment, so he continued his search.

He came across various lounges and waiting rooms, but nothing that would indicate the presence of one of his kind. He was about to abandon his investigations when he noticed a faint noise, sounding much like it was coming from the second-floor window. His curiosity piqued, he grabbed the side of the house and slowly climbed, leaving his walking stick leaning against the wall. The architecture had many extravagant designs and artistic protrusions, so the man had handholds to spare as he peeked in the second-story window.

His gaze was met with a lot of fur.

After a moment of confusion troy realized he was looking at the backs of a large collection of stuffed animals. They were stacked so high they covered about half of the window, which given its respectable size was a feat indeed, it was about five feet tall and about four wide. Ascending even higher he positioned himself so he was just sneaking a look over the edge of the plush mob, placing each of his feet on a corresponding buttress just above the window below and gripping either side of the window with his hands for stability.

His improved position showed a room overflowing with plush animals of all kinds, with a small pink pony like the ones that had visited his new residence before.

Holy crap, Noah's Ark didn't have this many animals.

The pink critter was pacing in circles, mumbling to itself in the low light. The room was poorly illuminated as the only light came from the moon and thus the heavily barricaded window. The animals near the window itself sat upon a stand covered in a lace tablecloth.

Troy began to maneuver himself down, as there was nothing of interest here when suddenly the pink creature in their apparent anger kicked the table, sending all the stuffed animals sprawling to the floor. The man froze, the creature hadn't noticed him though now he was plainly visible and his shadow was cast over the floor. If he moved now, so would his shadow, and the movement would no doubt attract the attention of the creature.

The oblivious creature continued toward a large four-poster bed in the middle of the room, still grumbling, and flopped down on the plush mattress. Now that his shadow was out of the creature's field of vision he resumed his descent, as jumping down would make far too much noise for his liking. He jumped slightly as the pink thing rolled onto its back and let out a groan of frustration. Troy felt his blood freeze as it rolled onto its side to face him. The creature didn't look at him immediately, as it was apparently lost in thought, but soon enough its eyes drifted over the hiker. The creature did a double-take and its head shot up from its pillow.

They stared at each other for a minute, neither one moving. Troy didn't dare move an inch, all this thing had to do was scream and he would probably be set upon by the whole village. Though now that he thought about it he must have looked pretty intimidating, his hood covering most of his head and his bandana covering everything else except his eyes. His arms stretched out to either side of the window, it would be difficult not to spook the creature further.

He saw its mouth open and without thinking brought his hand up to his own mouth and shushed the thing.

*Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Letting the hiss trail off he watched the creature close its mouth with a snap.

Fuck not making noise, I just gotta get out of here NOW!

Troy leaped from his perch and grunted as he landed on his non‐injured leg, grabbing his stick he ran along the side of the mansion towards the hedge surrounding the compound. He didn't even bother trying to jump it, instead, he opted to go straight through, popping out the other side onto the street that led away from the house and towards the village. Protected by his clothing he continued on with only a few errant branches clinging to his hoodie to show for his trouble.

He didn't stop running until he was down the hill and in a dark alcove with a clear view of the mansion. He paused to catch his breath and waited for the chaos to unfold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Filthy Rich was awakened by a sudden prodding in his side, groaning he reached for his nightstand and flipped on the light. He could tell it was still dark out, looking at the clock that rested upon his nightstand he doubted he got more than five minutes of sleep.

He turned to scold the maid and demand a reason for waking him at such an hour. Only to find, to his surprise, Diamond Tiara looking like she was about to cry.

"Honey bunchkins, what‐"

Before he could finish his question the filly jumped, wrapping her hooves around his neck and began to soak his coat with tears. The poor thing was shaking, though he couldn't quite make out what she was saying due to her excessive sobbing. Despite himself Rich smiled, Tiara had grown distant in the last few years, but he remembered when she would come crying to him in the middle of the night. Poor thing had always been afraid of the dark, it had taken a while for her to abandon her nightlight.

"Shhh, hush dear. What is it? Did you have a bad dream?"

The pink filly relaxed her grip on the stallion's neck so she could look at him properly, or try as her eyes were still spilling tears.

"There *hic* was a m‐monster in my window, id was big, an id was scary, an id didn't have a face, only two small eyes an... An‐"

Filthy Rich placed a hoof under his daughter's chin and lifted her head.

"Now, now, it's alright dear," he placed a tissue on the filly's snout. "Here, blow your nose, honey."

The filly loudly blew her nose into the tissue, and sniffed as Filthy threw it into a waiting garbage pail.

"There, that's better now isn't it?" Diamond Tiara slowly nodded. "Now tell me about this monster."

Filthy Rich listened intently as his daughter quickly regaled him of the encounter. A dark figure without a face clinging to the outside of the window, and when she was about to scream it had shushed her. Like it could see inside her mind. It had weird squiggly appendages instead of hoofs and its eyes were like that of a mad pony, crazed and small they had stared right into her soul. She could feel it. It didn't have any face, just those eyes. Then it dropped from the window and when she went to look for it, it had disappeared.

Filthy Rich patted his daughter on the back, "It's alright honey, it sounds like you just had a bad dream."

The filly shook her head vigorously, "But it wasn't a dream daddy I saw it, I know I did!"

The tired entrepreneur sighed, "Then what do you want to do Tiara honey? We can't go looking for now can we?"

The frightened little heiress shook her head again.

The graying stallion looked his daughter in the eyes; they were so unsure, just like when she was younger. Poor thing had been afraid of her own shadow.

"Then what do you want to do?" he asked expectantly.

The pink filly dug at the carpeting with her hoof, "Can I sleep here, just for tonight?" she looked up hopefully.

The old stallion tried to sigh in annoyance, but the smile on his face ruined any attempt at the gesture.

"Sure. Just for tonight."

The filly visibly brightened and jumped into the bed, snuggling up to Filthy and giving him a small hug.

"Thanks, Dad."

Filthy smiled, times like these wouldn't last. One day she would grow up and be too old to come to him. Then she would go off to do something great, he was sure of it. Maybe if he was lucky she would one day bring home grand foals for him to spoil.

Filthy reached over and turned off the lamp as visions of the future drifted through his mind, filling him with a bit of melancholy and happiness at the same time.

I'm just glad she can still come to her old man. Even if it's just one last time.

Those were his last thoughts as he drifted off to sleep, all the while listening to the steady breathing in his ear and feeling the warmth at his side.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy watched carefully as the light from one room on the third floor turned on. He was ready to bolt, the only reason he hadn't was because he still had a mission to do. He had caught a glimpse of an important-looking building. It actually had shingles and less crappy architecture. The light went out and nothing else happened for a moment. Then two moments.

Troy waited for another full five minutes while the house showed no sign of life. Only then did he allow himself a sigh of relief.

Damn, that was close. New rule, no more dealing with these things while they're conscious or in huge numbers, that's just asking for trouble.

The young man stalked through the streets, towards what he suspected was an important building, it had a circular design with a second floor landing with a Gothic look to it. It actually wouldn't look too out of place on top of a castle tower.

As he approached something glinted in the corner of his vision. Turning he scanned the area for the source. The glare apparently came from a tree a small ways away from the circular building in the square.

Or is it a circle, would they call it a square when it's round? Town circle just sounds ridiculous.

Pondering this Troy returned to investigating the large building at hand. He approached a window and stooped to peer inside. Inside was what appeared to be a large gathering area, other than that he saw a few rooms, but nothing that promised information. And after his last encounter, he was less inclined to make ill‐advised gambles.

Swiveling around he took a moment to relocate the tree and set off to his final destination. After this, he was calling it a night and turning in at that barn.

Though, now that I think about it, that's probably a really bad idea. Farmers are famous for getting up early, and even more famous for how they deal with trespassers.

As he walked, the man decided to try finding a better place to sleep until morning. Satisfied with his decision, he was contended to take in the scenery as he neared his destination.

Odd, the majority of the population appears to be ponies, so why do they have doorknobs? Better yet, HOW do they have doorknobs? In fact, how do you build houses with nothing but hooves?

...If I ever get an explanation for this, I know I'm not going to like it. I can just feel it.

Rounding a corner the large tree came into view, it was certainly bigger than most of the trees in the forest. Looking towards the top of the tree he quickly found the item glittering in the moonlight, it appeared to be... A telescope? Now that he had a better view of the thing he realized there were more lights coming off of various window panes.

You've got to be shitting me.

Someone had carved out a house inside of a tree... that was still very much alive. Yeah, sure the one in the forest was inside a tree as well, but at least that tree had the decency to look dead.

Shaking his head, Troy strolled towards the leafy abode before he noticed the sign in front. Unmistakably, it depicted an open book.

A library, if I can't find any useful information here I'll eat my hat.

Note to self: acquire a hat.

Hats are awesome.

A sudden fluttering of wings nabbed Troy's attention. A bird of some kind, darted out from what appeared to be a balcony and into the night.

He approached the library and gazed through one of the ground-level windows. The walls were lined with hundreds, if not thousands of books, confirming his suspicions. He grinned, he had a massive amount of information at his disposal, even if he couldn't read it. But chances were high that he could get something of importance from the books. Not only that, but with the library's only apparent guardian off scouring the night for food, he would have free reign to look through as many books as he could.

He walked over and tried the door. Locked, figures. Troy returned to the window he had been snooping through and looked for a locking mechanism. To his pleasant surprise, there was none. With a gentle tug the window slid upward, giving just enough room to squeeze through. Leaning his walking stick up against the side of the tree, the urban explorer shimmied through and landed on the floor with a subdued TWHUMP.

A stealthy melody popped into the young man's mind as he double-checked his surroundings.

Troy was in an alcove at the back of the first floor it seemed. He turned around, reached out the window and retrieved his stick before closing the window. No sense in making it obvious that non‐authorized personnel were wandering these annals of knowledge. Though, the man severely doubted that anyone would care that he broke into public property.

Holding his walking stick out in front of him like a stave he proceeded into the main section of the library, he wasn't taking any chances. He entered a large circular room, covered wall to wall in books, approached one of the shelves and removed a book. Flipping through it was fairly uninformative, as any picture he saw he could only guess the significance of. Placing the book back among its kin, he continued to paw through the books on the shelf.

After he had learned jack and/or shit he decided to give up looking for information in the written word for the moment. As he looked around for anything that would provide information for the newly illiterate, he hit the proverbial jackpot: a globe, sitting patiently in a corner of the room next to a small desk.

Troy slowly set his walking stick on the floor and retrieved his lighter from its prospective pocket. Flicking it open he lit a nearby candle and began to examine the orb. His face grew grimmer and grimmer as he found only unfamiliar land masses with labels written in more of that alien tongue, which was really starting to get annoying.

The foreign geographic orb provided one fact at the very least. He was not on Earth anymore, at least, not the one he knew. Whether or not it was all in his head or not was another matter. The possibility of this whole experience being a hallucination was diminishing quickly. While things were definitely bizarre there still was a certain sense of rhyme and reason.

Moving away from the infuriating geological sphere, He looked for anything that might lead to useful information. He spied a staircase leading upstairs along with three doors. Troy decided it would be best to explore the first floor before moving to another.

Taking the leftmost door first, he gently pushed it open to find another alcove with even more books. Pulling the wooden hatch closed, he continued to the next one. Upon opening it, he found a kitchen, which set off all kinds of alarm bells in his head.

Odd, what would a public library have for a kitchen? Does it double as a cafe?

Troy looked at a lone table, accompanied by only two chairs. Not even the most pitiful broke rundown shop would only have two chairs.

He looked around at the kitchen. It had a stove/oven setup and a fridge. Troy's stomach had no trouble reminding its host that the meals he did have, had been minimal at best. Opening the appliance, a small light *tinked* on. He scoured its contents: there were eggs, No time to prepare those, Hay, and various fruits and vegetables. Troy didn't feel too great about raiding the fridge at a public library, but his stomach was quite insistent.

Helping himself to some peach and cucumber, he was about to shut the heavy metal door when he noticed something sparkling in the corner of the fridge. A small cluster of rubies, sapphires, emeralds, topazes, and other assorted gems sat there on the shelf. Troy's mind ground to a halt, he carefully picked up one of the sapphires and examined it. The gem was huge! It was big enough to fit in his palm easily.

Troy stared at the glittering rock, looked back at the pile of equally sizable gems, then back again to the sapphire. For a minute he stood there, hunched over to avoid hitting his head on the ceiling. Trying for the life of him to figure out why the in world someone would keep their precious stones in a public library refrigerator.

He pocketed the gem, deciding that anyone who could afford to leave such valuables lying around wouldn't miss one, especially one far from the largest. And if they were going miffed about it they should probably try putting them in a more secure location. The young man closed the refrigerator, extinguishing the small light. He pulled the peach out of his pocket and dug right in, the whole gem thing was hurting his brain and he needed a distraction. And the sweet succulence of the peach was just that, after two days of nothing but fish the simple goodness of the fruit was a sweetness that no confectioner could ever come close to competing with.

After throwing the pit into a nearby trash can he washed his hands in the sink, which had been built right into the wood of the tree it seemed. After taking a drink from the faucet he wiped his mouth and felt a satisfying spark of contentment, unfortunately, the feeling was interrupted by a small scratching noise.

*Scritch*
*Scritch*
*Scritch*
*Scritch*

Troy cocked his head towards the noise, it was coming from the main hall. It was faint, but in the quiet of the night was clearly audible.

*Scritch*
*Scritch*

The noise was coming closer when it clicked in the man's mind.

Something is LIVING HERE!

He whirled around, brandishing his sick, cursing his negligence.

I should have realized it as soon as I saw the kitchen, stupid, STUPID!

*Scritch*
*Scritch*
*Scritch*

Damn it all!

Troy threw himself into a corner of the room covered in shadow and pressed himself into the darkness, he held his breath as the source of the scratching came through the doorway.

What he saw confounded him no end, before him stood what appeared to be a purple and green bipedal lizard. The Creature was barely taller than his knee and sported a stubby tail.

Great, Barney the dinosaur's estranged son lives here, Fan‐fucking‐tastic.

The creature let out a long yawn as it moved towards the fridge, revealing wicked fangs. Troy could only pray that the shadows would keep him hidden and barring that, the creature would not see be able to spot him past the sleep in its eyes.

The creature whipped open the appliance door, and with a small *tink* the refrigerator light turned on once again. Illuminating Troy as he stood pressed to the wall behind the small creature. The man began to sweat, one errant look over the shoulder, one single glance in his direction and he would be caught. He could easily take the tiny creature in a fight, but he suspected that violence would not be well met amongst the locals. It usually never was.

What happened next baffled the young man, the creature picked up one of the rubies from the small pile and took a bite out of it.

Troy could only stare as the creature ate a ruby that was at the very least probably worth ten thousand dollars. He watched as the money-eating creature picked another hapless gem, intent on devouring it just like it had its brother. He was suddenly less sure of his combat capabilities against something that could literally bite through solid stone.

If that thing clamps down on one of my legs, I'm not gonna be getting it back!

The young man began to carefully make his way around the beast, rolling the heels of his feet to muffle his footfalls. Carefully, carefully, he rounded the creature, picking up the pace as soon as the refrigerator door was between him and the tiny rock-eating lizard.

Now in the main reading area, Troy looked at the window he had entered from. He couldn't leave that way, if the creature came back while he was wiggling through the portal he would lose more than his pride if it bit him in the ass.

The balcony.

He quickly ascended the stairs and in front of him, just past the open door was the balcony. The hiker turned thief quickly made his way to the jutting structure, ducking just enough so his head barely cleared the doorway. But not enough for his walking stick.

*Thwack*

Of course.

He heard a surprised voice come from the room he had just passed, after a second a new one followed the first, coming from the first floor landing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight woke with a start, a loud noise jerking her from dreamland. She looked to the small basket near the end of her bed, empty. She groaned angrily and rolled her eyes. "Spike! What are you doing up so late, and what was that racket?"

She rolled out of bed and shook her mane out of her face.

I wonder what he's doing, or what excuse he'll come up with.

...This is going to be rich.

The bedraggled librarian allowed herself a small smile as she pushed the door open and stepped out onto the landing.

"I'm sorry Twi, I got hungry so I went and got a snack."

The unicorn jerked to face Spike, who was downstairs holding a half‐eaten ruby.

"You alright? Did you fall off your bed again?"

Twilight was about to retort when something in the corner of her eye caught her attention. A misshapen shadow was framed in the light coming in from the balcony.

Fear suddenly replaced confusion, "So you didn't make that noise?" She asked, not once taking her eyes from the shadow.

"No, why? It wasn't you?" Spike replied, looking very confused.

Suddenly the shadow lurched down out of light, she could hear a muffled thump followed by a thud from outside. Her eyes widened in revelation.

"Spike," She called down, "We have a burglar, make sure the library is locked up!"

The tiny dragon's eyes grew in fear, "But, what if‐"

"I just heard him leave." Twilight interrupted as she ran to the terrace, catching a glimpse of a fleeing shadow. "Now lock everything down! I'm going after whoever this is, nopony, and I mean nopony steals from my library!"

As she finished speaking she teleported onto the street below, again she spied a shadow retreating into a dark alcove. She quickly went after it following its heavy off beat hoofsteps.

She rounded a corner and quickly realized why the steps sounded off to her, they weren't from hooves at all. She stared as she gave chase to the towering creature. It ran on two legs, faster than she would have thought possible of such a large creature. Its upper limbs were gyrating in sync with its lower ones to counterbalance its movement.

It looked over at her, never turning around, she could see nothing of its face as it was masked in darkness. It veered into another dark alley, as she took the turn she readied to grab the strange creature with her magic. Unfortunately, every time she would get close enough for a short-range telekinesis spell it would turn and she would lose her line of sight. And she couldn't use a long-range spell for the same reason.

The chase continued until they were in a familiar alleyway behind Sugarcube Corner, it went straight past the sugary looking structure with no turn offs but a single alcove that ended in a wooden fence that was in the middle. Twilight smiled and teleported to the far end of the alley. Just as she planned, the creature darted into the alcove, trapping it.

She came around the corner with a smug look on her face which promptly deflated as she saw the dark figure heave itself over the top of the fence. She facehoofed, she had forgotten to take the size of the creature into account. Anything that big wouldn't be trapped so easily by a fence.

Sighing in annoyance, she called up an image of the street that lay behind the fence from memory and teleported. She appeared out of a burst of purple magic in the middle of the street. She looked around for the creature, but it wasn't to be seen.

She listened for the creature's heavy hoof falls.

There were none.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy hid in a small recess between two houses, the wall behind him was too tall for him to climb over without making any noise. He could climb it but that would just mean that the chase with the strange little pony creature would start all over again.

He chanced a peek around the corner, he surprised himself when he recognized his tracker; it was the same purple pony from the forest, and the one he had seen helping the yellow winged one into her house.

It was facing away from him, scanning the street. As it turned he ducked away before it could spot him. He waited as he listened for any telltale signs. It sounded like it was turning in place, as the noise of its steps didn't seem to become closer or farther away.

That soon changed when he heard the soft clip‐clop noise the creature made approaching his hiding spot. He began to panic, he needed a distraction. He looked down at his walking stick, he had held onto it even as he had ran. A simple stick was the cause of this whole fiasco.

*Clip‐clop*

Well Corporal Stick, on account of almost getting caught once and ACTUALLY getting me caught. I'm afraid I have to give you a suicide mission, despite your previous loyal services. It is unlikely you will ever return.

Troy gripped the stick like a spear and aimed it over the nearby house and toward an adjacent street.

*Clip‐clop*

Goodbye Corporal Stick, may we meet again in the next life.

He hurled the stick silently over the roof and waited. The large bit of wood did its job, clattering loudly amongst the cobblestones. As soon as the sound died he could hear the pony giving chase to her imaginary foe. He peeked around the corner and watched as she turned off the street some ways away.

He stalked the dark alleyways again, this time directly toward the edge of town, only once outside its limits did he allow himself a sigh of relief. That had been a close call; he didn't want a confrontation with the locals yet. First off he was ill-equipped to defend himself, second, he needed to find a place where curiosity would overcome fear. The way the three small ones had cowered from him the first time around indicated they weren't used to human interaction. Or if they did interact with humans, it wasn't on friendly terms.

He began circumnavigating the town, holding to the brush when he could, and headed in the direction of the farm. He would look for a better hiding place, but if he couldn't find anything better, he'd sleep in the barn.

This night had been dragging on for far too long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elsewhere

A small horned owl swooped through the air, approaching the edge of the Everfree forest. It quickly navigated into the dark wood, coming upon a large oak not too far from the edge of the forest. Using its beak, it knocked on a bit of bark that was adorned with a symbol of a circle with a line running through it.

After a moment a hidden door swung inward, revealing a rather large badger.

"Owlicious!" the brawny weasel bellowed with a smile. "Glad you could make it on such short notice. Come in, come in, the rest of the gang's already here. Dave brought a friend of his so you won't be the only one sitting in."

The large rodent led the owl down into the burrow. It was a bit of a squeeze but eventually, they came upon a large cavity. Inside, sitting around a small wooden table was a porcupine, a snake, and two rabbits. One of the rabbits was giving the serpent the stink eye, only flicking his eyes in the direction of the newcomers for a second, then back to the snake before doing a double-take and looking at the newest arrival with surprise.

The badger only let out a jolly chuckle, "I take it you two know each other then, good, this will go quick."

He turned to the other guests, "Everycritter! Welcome to my humble sett. This is Owlicious, we go way back, he and I."

"Owlicious, this is the gang, the pointy-looking one is Porcupine, but we just call him Pine for short."

The small spined rodent gave a smile and a wave as he shuffled a deck of cards.

"And this here is‐" As the badger turned to his feathered friend he could see he was giving the nearby serpent a leery look.

The Jovial critter just let out another laugh, "Don't worry about Snake, he's actually a decent guy once you get to know him."

Snake just rolled his eyes, "It's fine Badger, he'll come around eventually." The serpent smiled a genuine smile, "It's a pleasure to meet you Owlicious."

"Who?"

"You," Snake said, cocking an eye ridge, as he lacked eyebrows.

"Who?"

Badger laughed as the python gave him a look that clearly stated he was unamused.

"Relax Snake, He's just like that," He leaned over to his limbless companion, "It's a rather private matter." The brawny one whispered."

Snake just nodded understandingly, he then stretched and coiled into a comfortable position.

"Right, last but not least we have Dave," The rabbit on the left gave a little wave, "and his guest, Mr...?" He let the sentence hang for a moment before Pine came to his rescue.

"That's Angel Bunny, he lives in town." The critter smiled as he began doling out cards. "Introductions are over, let's play."

The table was soon filled with nick‐knacks, there were thimbles, buttons, and other odds and ends. These would serve as chips. Nothing of any value was ever won here, just bragging rights.

"So," Pine flipped a thimble into the pot, "Care to tell us why we're here on a Wednesday night rather than a Sunday?"

Badger shrugged as he checked his hand, "Thought it would be good to have an intro night, to break in the newbies." He checked the thimble and raised an eraser.

"Also, I won't be here on Sunday," he added as Snake folded, garnering looks of confusion from most present. The serpent's eye widened with understanding.

"Oh that's right, you're going to see your kids this weekend. You said something about that last week."

Badger's smile was a mile wide, "Yep haven't seen the little ones in ages. I just hope they still remember their old man."

Pine was the one to laugh this time, "I doubt there's any way to forget you, Badger." He watched as Dave and Angel Bunny placed their bets. He noticed that newbie was shooting Snake looks, though it wasn't the stink eye like before. It was obvious he was curious about something, and the porcupine smiled.

"Hey, newbie." the white rabbit turned his attention to the spiky one. "you got a question for our limb-deprived friend here?" He motioned towards the python who perked up at his mention.

Angel Bunny, paused for a moment before whispering something to Dave, who gave a small chuckle before leaning over to whisper into Pine's ear.

"Oi, what are you lot playing at, spit it out." Badger huffed as he tossed in his hand and Dave scooped up the pot, winning with a aces high straight.

Pine just smiled and turned to Snake, "He ssssssaid he wanted to know why you don't talk like thisssssss." He hissed, getting laughs from everyone except Snake, who just rolled his eyes.

"That's just a racial stereotype, though some guys just play it up for intimidation's sake. Or for fun. Seriously though we aren't the only ones around that hiss, cats do it just as much as we do, and you don't expect them to hiss with every S now do you?

The white rabbit just shrugged, earning a sigh from the serpent.

"See, this is why I can't go nice places. Just yesterday I got screamed at by a group of fillies. I didn't even do anything, I was just sunbathing on an exposed branch." He huffed as Badger tossed him two cards.

Snake continued to complain long into the night about the unfair stigma against snakes. While everyone else chatted about this or that, how Pine was finally seeing someone, how Dave had almost gotten run over, and how to figure out how Owlicious could win three straight hands without really doing anything.

Only when the sun came up did the group part, each heading back to their respective home. All except Owlicious and Badger.

The two stood outside of the burrow watching the sun rise, though the owl had to shield his eyes. They just stood there a moment before Badger spoke.

"I heard you got work at the Ponyville library."

"Who."

"That's good, I was worried about you for a while, is the work good?"

"Who."

"Good to hear," The striped badger turned and shook his friend's talon in his paw. "Take care of yourself Owlicious, If you need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me."

The owl simply nodded before taking to the air, riding the morning thermals towards the small village nestled in the fields of the valley.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend.”

—Albert Camus

“I’ve dedicated this editing to Sir Corporal Stick who sacrificed himself bravely in the heat of capture to save Troy. May your splinters continue the natural cycle of decomposition and earthly rejuvenation.”
-Cosmic Afro

Authors note: The Mission Impossible theme alternate track has been added by popular demand, and fits pretty well. the link has been split into two. the left side is the original, right side is the alt.

Daybreak Breakaway

Chapter 7

Daybreak Breakaway

Edited by: CosmicAfro
Pre‐read by: Neko-

"Oh sweet Celestia, what did I do to deserve this?" Spike groaned as he finished rechecking the auxiliary non‐fiction wing.

For the third time.

He walked out into the main entryway to find Twilight going through tome after ancient tome, checking, double checking and triple checking each one, making sure they were all in pristine condition. The break‐in had rattled the pony, this type of thing just didn't happen all that often and she was certain something had been taken. From the first sweep they had done they couldn't find a single book missing. Luckily for them, Ponyville was not known to house many avid readers. So aside from a few books Twilight was sure she had checked out to Rainbow Dash, all were present and accounted for.

Obviously the librarian pony was nowhere near convinced the first time they checked, so naturally they rechecked the whole stock. She was certain that whatever broke in was looking for something, either it found it and ran off with it, or didn't and left. She couldn't think of any other possible reason for it to go through all the trouble and risk of breaking into the library.

After the second time they came up with nothing, Twilight somehow became convinced that the creature had come to destroy something, perhaps the very book with the information they would need to defeat it if it attacked Ponyville. Attacks did happen with some regularity, if this thing was smart enough to remove any knowledge of its weakness before the encounter, it would be a formidable foe. So they went through the whole stock for the third time, this time checking for any marks or any missing pages.

"AAAAAaaaagggggh!" she slammed the final book shut, finding no sign of any vandalism. "What did this thing DO?!" the distraught unicorn wailed.

The tiny dragon patted her on the shoulder, "Calm down Twi, I don't like that the whatever‐got‐inside, got in. But maybe it wasn't after a book."

The lavender librarian rolled her eyes, "Spike this is a Library what else is there to take?"

"Well, there are your telescopes, all that crazy stuff you have in the basement, and my gem stash." The draconic assistant deadpanned.

Twilight's eyes bulged. "My telescopes!"

The mare shot up the stairs to check on her precious stargazing equipment, leaving the small reptile to grumble as he re‐shelved the last of the books.

"Funny, I'm pretty sure the stuff in the basement costs loads more than a few measly telescopes."

As soon as the dragon had finished his grumbling he heard a gentle knocking on the front door.

Spike rolled his eyes, if it wasn't one thing it was another.

"Who is it?" He called.

"It's Rarity, I've come for that book detailing historical fabrics."

Any previous exasperation evaporated and Spike was at the door in an instant.

"Rarity! Come on in!" The purple dragon ushered the marble white pony inside. "I'll just grab that book for yo‐"

"NOPONY TOUCHES ANYTHING!"

The two jumped as the raging unicorn stomped down the stairs and headed for the basement door. she swung it open with her magic, but turned to shoot the tiny dragon a look of...

"Anything."

"Anything. Got it." Spike snapped an uneasy salute.

"My goodness, Twilight what's gotten into you? You look a little... disheveled." Rarity asked whilst trying her best to keep from cringing. The resident librarian was a mess, her mane was a tangled mass, and her eyes were bloodshot with bags underneath them.

"Whats gotten into me?! More like what's gotten into my home!"

Rarity's head tilted in confusion, Spike explained. "Something broke into the library last night,"

"Oh my, how terrible!" The unicorn exclaimed.

"I know, Twilight tried to chase it down, but it got away."

The mare in question only snorted in reply and went down the stairs to check on her equipment.

After the purple mare descended into the basement, the dressmaker turned to address the draconic assistant.

"Spike, you said something, not somepony. What did‐"

"Whatever broke in wasn't a pony." The fashionista jumped as Twilight returned. "Oh my, well that certainly didn't take long. And what do you mean exactly by 'not a pony'?"

"First, it would be pretty obvious if anything had been tampered with down there. As for not 'being a pony', whatever broke in last night walked on two legs."

"Two legs?" Rarity's ears perked up at the familiar description.

"Yes and it was twice as tall as me. I can't say much more else, it was too dark to get a good look at it." Twilight grumbled as she described the creature she had pursued during the night.

Rarity approached Twilight, who to her credit, looked a lot calmer after vocalizing her frustrations. "That description sounds very familiar, not unlike the one Sweetie Belle and her friends gave, don't you think?"

The librarian pony nodded while Spike looked on in confusion. "What about Sweetie Belle? What are you guys talking about?"

The seamstress turned to Ponyville's resident dragon, "When my sister and her friends got lost in the Everfree Forest they apparently stayed in the old castle of the royal pony sisters. What's more, they encountered some kind of monster that had taken up residence there."

"M‐Monster?" Spike was doing his best not to show his fear in front of Rarity, but from the way his eyes were darting around the room it was rather obvious. "What kind of monster?"

"I didn't get a clear look at it so I can't say, but from what Apple Bloom and the rest said the creature was at the very least tolerant of their presence, but it's strange." Twilight tapped her chin pensively. "No creature that can do harm to ponies should be able to lay a hoof near the ruins. What makes this creature different?"

"Maybe it's because you guys fought Nightmare Moon there." Spike postulated.

"It's possible, but I'm not so sure. She technically didn't want to harm anypony, but who knows what affect her presence or the presence of the Elements could have had on the enchantments." Twilight rubbed her forehead, trying to alleviate the growing headache that was building behind her horn.

Spike stopped dead in his tracks, he had heard what happened. Rainbow Dash had told him the story a dozen times, whether he asked her to or not.

"So let me get this straight, the crazy pony that sicced a manticore on you and your friends, dumped all of you off a cliff and wanted to bring night eternal to the land of Equestria, didn't want to hurt anypony?" He asked skeptically.

"I suppose it is debatable, but I get your point." The librarian admitted tiredly as she rested her head on a nearby table. "Just so tired."

Rarity trotted over to Twilight's side. "Darling, maybe you should get out of the library for a little while, you look awfully stressed. And you know what that does for your complexion."

She gently pushed her friend towards the door. "We can get something to eat then tackle this mess once we get back. I'd wager you've skipped breakfast, haven't you? Why don't we get some lunch and clear our heads, hmm?"

"But, Rarity I‐" A loud gurgling came from Twilight's stomach. "Well... I might be a little hungry..." she muttered right before she was unceremoniously shoved out of her own front door.

The mare turned to the diminutive dragon who was currently re‐shelving the massive mound of books that had piled up after the last sweep of the library. "Spike, are you coming or would you prefer that we bring something back for you?"

Spike looked up from the book in his claws to the girls. Promises of sharing a meal with Rarity?

No contest.

He tossed the book over his shoulder as he ran to join the two.

"Do you know anyplace that serves gems?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Minutes later the group was seated at a nearby diner and the waiter had assured Spike they had wonderful selection of gemstones in stock. The three of them settled in for a late lunch, the only one with any complaints was a still slightly frazzled Twilight.

"Let's hurry this up, I don't like being away from the library so soon after a break in."

"You don't like being away from the library, period." Spike pointed out, earning a quick glare from his roommate/employer/sibling.

"So how did this... thing, get into library?" Rarity asked as she accepted a cup of Earl Grey from the waiter.

Twilight let out a sigh, "I don't know, we know it left through the balcony window, but I'm not sure if that's where it got in."

Rarity could barely contain her surprise, "Did you look for clues? Scratch marks on a windowsill? Hoof‐prints maybe? Or perhaps something else?"

The fashonista was treated to a blank stare from the bewildered librarian.

Did none of that really cross her mind? She must be in worse shock than I thought. Rarity thought to herself.

The lavender unicorn blushed as she fumbled with the drink the waiter left.

"Well, it was really late and I was worried about my books‐"

Now that sounds more like Twilight. The alabaster seamstress simply nodded as she let her friend continue.

"‐And it's not like we have a book for break‐ins, though I might see if there is one in circulation after this."

"Twi darling, I know that you love your books, but I'm not sure there is a book with the insight you need. So how about this, we eat, we go back and look for clues, and we sort this all out."

"Sort what out?"

Everyone at the table jumped, including the new addition, though it was more of a bounce.

"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight panted as she tried to get her heartbeat back to normal. "Where did you come from!?"

Pinkie scooted over to the lavender unicorn, "Well, when one pony loves another pony very much‐"

She was interrupted when a purple hoof was suddenly shoved into her mouth.

"Never mind, how much do you know?"

Pinkie pulled her head back, unplugging her lips with a sound not unlike a suction cup being pulled of a laminate floor.

"About what? Where foals come from? The library break‐in? Or the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus?"

"Who?"

Rarity came to the rescue of the confused unicorn. "Pinkie dear, what do you know about the break‐in that happened last night."

"Well, I know some funny looking ape thingy was sneaking around town last night because I saw you chasing it and at first I thought it was game of tag but that was silly, I get silly thoughts after midnight anyway I wanted to play tag with you but the twins were crying and I thought the Cakes might need help getting them back to bed. So I was going to get my maracas, but maracas aren't very good for lullabies, Oh!"

The pink pony suddenly jumped and turned to face Twilight directly.

"Did it steal your maracas?"

Twilight could only blink in confusion. "Pinkie I don't own any maracas, and even if I did why would it steal them?"

"So it could go to sleep, silly." The pink mare suddenly began to giggle at some private joke that she made.

Twilight rolled her eyes and simply filed the conversation away in the rapidly growing folder marked 'Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie'.

The group soon had their prospective lunches and for the most part ate in contemplative silence, except for Spike and Pinkie, of whom had a small debate on the practicality of incorporating cymbals into a lullaby.

After everyone had finished their meals, they set off for the library. On the way Twilight contemplated on how to voice a question that had formed in the back of her mind while they had eaten at the restaurant.

"So... Rarity."

"Hmmm?"

"You seem to know quite a lot about this kind of situation. How?"

Rarity smiled, "Why Twilight, with all the reading you do, you mean to tell me you have never snuggled up with a good detective novel for a night? A story of intrigue and romance, clever foes and unlikely allies where a brave detective seeks to prove a fair mare's innocence and perhaps win her heart?"

The dressmaker was firmly in the throes of passion, wildly gesturing to some unseen hero and casting herself as the maiden in distress. However, Twilight clearly didn't share her enthusiasm.

"I prefer to stick to books detailing actual facts, besides from what I've experienced, those kinds of stories tend to have a rather formulaic writing scheme." She paused for a moment, "Though if you have one you would recommend I would consider giving the genre another shot."

"Alright then darling, if you insist. But first I have to ask, what are you familiar with?"

"Well, there was Hunting Fear by Kay... something, then Moving Target. and finally Death's Bright Dart." Twilight turned to see that Rarity had scrunched up her face, like she had bit into something sour.

"Well I can see how you could get turned off mysteries reading that fare. you seem to have had a patch of bad luck with your selection. Believe me that's bottom of the discount barrel compared to some of the gems you'll find."

Twilight's ears perked up. "Really? Because I had really liked mystery stories when I was a filly." She smiled as she remembered books from many years past. "The adventures of Nitsy Drew, The Hardy Colts. I loved those books."

Rarity smiled and nodded, having read a few of those herself, before her smile bloomed into Pinkie smile territory.

"Oooh, then I know you would just love Guilty Pleasures by Laurel Hoofilton." The seamstress gushed. "It's about a detective mare that‐"

"Oh, look! We're here! We're here! When do we get to look for clues?" Pinkie exclaimed as the group approached the library, effectively putting any other conversation on hold.

"I'll let you borrow the book later." Rarity gave a small giggle.

Lending a book to Twilight...

I suppose there truly is a first time for everything. The mare thought to herself.

Twilight shot the dressmaker a quizzical look before turning her attention to the library. They would get to the bottom of this, any information that they could gleam from the creature's actions would mean more insight into its behavior.

And they needed all the insight they could get.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apple Bloom sighed as she traced a never ending circle on her desk.

The class was in the middle of reviewing classical literature. To say it was boring was an understatement, even Ms. Cheerilee was belting out the occasional yawn between paragraphs.

The elementary school teacher was reading the book aloud, detailing the 'riveting' change in trading routes and customs two hundred years ago that came about after the concordat with the Griffin Kingdom. There was a not a filly or colt in the room that was paying attention, either electing to stare off into space or fall asleep.

The farm filly gazed out the window in longing, letting her mind wander.

I wonder if Twilight figured out what that creature was? She wondered idly.

Even after describing it to them, the lavender mare couldn't seem to place the creature. Which was odd, usually she could place any monster with a single glance, but this thing had the unicorn baffled.

The youngest Apple watched some ponies going about their work, she recognized most of the ponies that passed, a brown earth pony with a hourglass cutie mark, a mint green mare with a Lyre cutie mark, a pink pony with three balloons and a cutie mark with‐

Wait, Pinkie Pie?

Sure enough, the pink party pony was galloping along with the strings of three balloons in her mouth, trailing along behind her. Even doing all this, the master party planner still managed to wave at Apple Bloom, even whilst going full speed.

Shouldn't she be at Sugarcube corner?

She wondered as she waved back at Pinkie, who quickly ran down the road and disappeared around a corner.

Now without anything of interest, the filly gazed longingly at the clock, only an hour and a half until school was out and she could actually do something, anything was better at this point.

The filly's eyes lost focus and she drifted into that special coma like state that only absolute boredom can put you in. Only when she heard the distant galloping of hooves did she snap out of it.

She turned to the window, this time Pinkie Pie and Applejack where running to the library, along with...

...Winona?

The filly looked at the clock again, only thirty minutes had passed, still one hour till she was out of class. Now though her mind was buzzing like an angry beehive. So many questions passed through her mind, all about that one strange creature.

What was that creature? Why was it here?

Had it always lived at that castle? If not, where did it come from?

Why did it help them? Why didn't it eat them?

And most importantly, could they get it to understand Equestrian?

Apple Bloom found herself dwelling on that particular question.

If we could get it to talk, what would it say?

Another quick glance at the clock, only a half hour left. Had it really gone by that fast?

She looked outside once more, absolutely giddy with anticipation, which quickly gave way to confusion, there going down the street was Winona, followed by Applejack, behind her was Twilight and Spike, with Spike perched on Twilight's back. Trailing them was Rarity, who was leaning to the side to see around the purple pair. And Pinkie brought up the rear, occasionally kicking her legs out the right or left like she was in a conga line.

All the mares had a look of grim determination painted on their faces. Including Pinkie who had apparently used a liberal amount face paint to hide her giant grin, though anyone could tell she was still smiling provided they looked close enough.

Winona had her head to the ground sniffing here and there, following the trail of something. Suddenly the canine took a sharp turn into a side street and the brightly colored group of mares followed closely behind.

Apple Bloom brought her attention forward; she might as well listen to the last of this boring book, or at least pretend to. Her mind was still swirling with questions, some about what her sister was up to, but most about the monster in the castle.

Half‐listening to Ms. Cheerilee's reading she quietly pondered what to do after school.

Approximately 1893 seconds later.

Chaos.

The final tolling of the bell had rung, a sea of flesh rippled as it tore forward to the threshold. The mass flooded through, pouring out into the sunlight, flowing over the green grass as the tangled mass came to rest upon the ground.

Cheerilee could only look out the door of her school in bemusement, the second the bell had rung everypony had bolted for the door and tried to escape the confines of their educational institution all at the same time. The result was the large pile of filly's and colts sprawled out all over the schoolyard.

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara were struggling to untangle their legs. While Apple Bloom rolled off Sweetie Bell, the both of whom were struggling not to laugh at their friend Scootaloo who was awkwardly straddling Truffle Shuffle. Before anypony else could take any real notice, the orange filly quickly jumped off the overweight colt, glaring daggers at her two snickering friends.

"Not a word. Not. A. Word."

The three of them started to trot towards the clubhouse, once everyone had gotten over their giggle fits they began to make their way to Sweet Apple Acres in a slightly uncomfortable silence.

Apple Bloom was the first to speak.

"So, what do yah' think that thing at the castle was?"

Sweetie Belle's ear gave a twitch before she answered, "That thing? Does it really matter? I'm curious as anypony, but I'm pretty sure we're never going to find out."

"Sweetie Bell stop an' think 'bout this fer a minute and Ah mean really think about it! Ah don't think anypony else has seen anything like that ever!"

"I know what you mean, just think. If we could get a picture of it we could be famous! Scootaloo piped up with an exited glint in her eye. "Think about it, if we could just‐"

"Hold it!"

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked back at Sweetie Bell in surprise.

"You can't be seriously thinking about going back into the Everfree forest, can you? After the storm, the broken tree and the Timberwolves? You're crazy! We're lucky we got out of there and you want to go back in!?"

"What!? No! Ah just thought Twilight or maybe Fluttershy might have an idea."

The unicorn filly visibly relaxed at the youngest Apple's words.

As the three trotted up the road, Sweet Apple Acres finally came into view. With a squeal of excitement the crusaders sped off toward their clubhouse, eager to plan their next move.

"So who are we going to ask first?" Sweetie Bell asked as she ducked under a low hanging branch. "Twilight or Fluttershy?"

"Well, seein' how Fluttershy didn't exactly have the most 'healthy' reaction before Ah think we should start with Twilight."

"Yeah, that's probably for the best."

"BARK BARK, ROOF!"

As the fillies arrived at the clubhouse they were greeted by a most peculiar sight. Winona was barking away at their tree house, behind her was Applejack who seemed to be carefully examining the clubhouse.

Behind Applejack was a giddy looking Pinkie Pie next to a near equally exited Rainbow Dash, though seeing how the latter was throwing warm up punches it was probably for a different reason. Next to them Rarity and Twilight were conversing in hushed voices, while Fluttershy was cowering behind them, shaking like a leaf.

"What's goin' on?"

The six mares jumped slightly and whirled around to face the new arrivals.

Twilight cantered up to the fillies with concerned look in her eye.

"Girls, what, how long have you been here? Why aren't you in class?"

"Um, school's been out for half an hour." Sweetie Bell replied, all the while trying to see around the lavender mare. The girls could see the six mares casting wary looks at the tree house.

"Oh. Wait, have you gone inside the clubhouse today?"

"No, not yet. Why?"

"Twilight," Applejack was clearly losing patience. "It ain't safe here, we don't know what that thing is going to do."

"What thing? What's going on?"

Applejack and Twilight shared a glance before the latter spoke.

"You remember that creature you said was living in the castle of the royal pony sisters? It was inside the library last night. And we think it might be in your clubhouse."

The fillies were thunderstruck, the creature had followed them to Ponyville. But why?

"Just let me go up there and kick its flank. I'll have it on the ropes in ten seconds flat." Rainbow began practicing various karate moves.

"Dash, we need to be careful, we don't know what this thing is capable of." Twilight chided while leveling another leery gaze at the clubhouse.

"Well, why don't we just go ask, silly?" Pinkie Pie immediately bounced up the ramp and swung the door open.

"HELLO! ANYPONY HOME?"

Everyone present looked on in some state of shock or horror. A moment passed, then another before Pinkie turned around looking at them curiously.

They could only stare at the avatar of pink randomness.

"Pinkie," Twilight spoke gently. "I'm sure I speak for everypony when I ask, but what are you doing?"

"Looks like Mr. Monster isn't home." Pinkie stated with a shrug and a smile.

It took a moment or two for the comment to fully register, but once it did the everybody ran up the ramp and into the tree house. The tablecloth was spread out on the floor and the table was leaning up against the wall, from the way the sheet was wrinkled it was fairly obvious that something big had slept on it during the night.

"It ain't here!"

"So." Scootaloo began.

"If it isn't here, where is it?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy was not happy, not happy at all.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Troy sat on a small rock, surrounded by the thick tree trunks of the forest, the dark green canopy slowly shifting above him. He was resting his sore leg and mentally berating himself for last nights performance.

Many things had transpired during that fiasco that he wasn't pleased with.

He had nearly gotten caught twice because he had his walking stick. Beginning when he whacked it on the cobblestone path like an idiot and then again when he was leaving the library. Though the latter was a FAR closer call than the former, seeing how there was a actual chase after he fled the library. He had needed the walking stick because of his scratched up leg, but he had been absentminded and downright neglectful. The first time it could be passed off as an honest mistake, but twice? He hadn't really needed it in the library. Hell, the only reason he had taken it was so if anyone passed by they wouldn't find it suspicious. But seriously, how suspicious is a stick leaning up against a tree anyway?

Then back at that house on the hill, the second he had become visible in that mansion window he should have dropped away. He hadn't because he was trying to avoid making any noise, but noise can be easily explained away as wind or a tree branch. Getting spotted could have very well done him in if it was an adult that had seen him.

And if all that wasn't enough, he should have known the library was being lived in. The kitchen, the refrigerator contents, as soon as he had seen those he should have gotten out of there. Of course he had made the connection far too late. As a result he had been chased around that stupid village with a banged up leg. Brilliant.

But what bothered him most wasn't any of those things, it was back in the forest hut, when he had smacked that zebra on the ass.

Troy gripped the sides of his head and quivered in rage, rage at his own stupidity. Rage at his negligence, and rage at his lack of thought.

THE FUCK!?

The hell was I thinking?!

What did I slap that thing for confirmation that it was asleep? WHY?!

Any of the possibilities would have ended in disaster.

1.No, it was just pretending to sleep, it then freaks out and kicks you in the face, reducing your head to the consistency of chunky salsa dip.

2. Yes, it was asleep, but that slap woke it up, see above.

3. Its mate comes back and mistakes this for an affair with a bit of kink. Ew. Again, see #1.

The whole night he had bumbled and stumbled around, what had made him so grossly incompetent? That wasn't him, not by a long shot. So what could have affected him so?

The most likely cause for his actions was that whole face hemorrhaging thing from earlier. Blood loss could have been the catalyst for his poor judgment, but it didn't seem likely. A reaction from the pony things was possible but improbable, he had little contact with them in that time period compared to the night before. An infection from the fight with the wolf things, unlikely the wounds were shallow and had been pretty well treated all things considered.

Wait...

Troy paused for a moment.

the wolves...

...Could they have had something to do with it?

Something about the wolves didn't seem right, thinking back when he had returned to the bodies, the corpses had been untouched by any animals, including insects.

Which was strange, the insects should have gone straight for the cadavers.

...But they didn't.

They probably were still untouched by the wildlife even now. Were they toxic?

Troy's brain flew into overdrive. He had been lightly covered in that blood/sap after the fight, and drenched in it after he had cut the bodies apart. It was entirely possible if not probable that the sap/bodily fluids doubled as a defense mechanism, acting as an inebriant or toxin.

Troy slid down the rock and began moving back towards the edge of the forest, he needed to find the markings he had left the day before. The young man held no illusions on what would happen to his chances of survival if he got lost.

His priority was simple, get a sample then get back to the castle. He was already hungry and the sooner he found something to eat the better.

He passed around the edge of a small clearing, more than ready to pass it by, when something in the corner of his eye brought him to a screeching halt.

There, in the middle of the clearing, was a statue of a deer. Its head perked up as if searching for a predator in the brush.

Troy approached the statue and began to circle the carving, all the while marveling at the detail the artist had put into his work, whoever he or she was. The stag was magnificent, the texture of the horns was as close to the real thing as stone could get (or at least he assumed) the ears, the eyes, the nose, the carving looked as though they could spring to life at any moment. What really got him was the detail on the fur. He could almost count out individual hairs.

Hot damn, whoever made this must be one of those crazy grandmasters or something.

He thought idly as he stroked the carved creature's stone fur, to his alarm the statue began to tilt dangerously at his touch. After a moment of panic and the use of quick reflexes the statue was still standing, though the young hiker was beginning to wonder.

Who would leave a work of art like this just out here in some random clearing? It's not even properly supported or secured...

His puzzling was cut short by the rustling of some nearby bushes. Troy whirled to face his newest foe, expecting the grim visage of the wood wolves or maybe that manticore or some other abomination ready to crawl forth from the fringes of nightmares untold.

Instead, the head of a chicken popped out of the bush.

The fuck?

He could only stare blankly as the chicken looked at him before it glared at him and hissed. Troy took an unconscious step backward as he spotted rows of sharp teeth hidden inside the thing's beak. The chicken entered the clearing, revealing a reptilian body with a lizard like tail and scaly wings. The only two things that were remotely avian about it were its legs and head.

Ok, so not a chicken. God forbid I encounter something remotely sane.

Troy kept his distance, all things considered he had no idea what this things capabilities were, but he was definitely less afraid of it than his last slew of encounters. Troy kept his eyes locked on the reptilian bird. This thing was only a little bit bigger than a normal chicken, what could it possibly‐

And for the second time in two days, Troy's entire existence became pain.

Troy howled in pain, clutching at his eyes. It felt like someone had gouged out his eyes and poured molten lead into the hollows left behind. He threw himself onto his back, writhing in pain. He could feel blood flowing out from under his eyelids.

What had happened!?

Had he been blinded? How?

These thoughts and many others were swept away on the tides of agony, becoming a maelstrom of pain and rage.

He barely registered a hiss before he felt a weight upon his chest. He raised his arms instinctively, trying to push the object off his person. He felt more pain spike through his being, this time coming from what he instantly understood was a bite.

He screamed and punched the thing and he felt it tumble off him as it released the portion of his arm it had clamped down on. His eyes throbbed with terrible pain, but it receded enough for him to once again harbor rational thought, albeit in a reduced capacity. In the state he was in, to say he thought would be misleading, it would be more accurate to say he understood.

He understood that he was blind for the moment.

He understood that he had been attacked by the chicken thing.

And that he was going to kill it.

He heard another hiss to left and lashed out, although the blow was fairly weak he could feel the satisfying impact of flesh on feathers.

Ha! Got that scaly fucker in the face.

Troy heard a startled 'Bagak!' as he felt the creature fall backwards, not wasting anytime he scrambled off his back and towards his target, clawing his way forward on all fours. The smile that adorned his face when he felt a leathery wing pinned under his hand would have given the Cheshire Cat himself nightmares.

The not‐chicken wasted no time in biting Troy's arm, the young man barely felt a thing with the adrenaline coursing in his system. He grabbed the damn thing by the neck and squeezed, pulling it off his arm, the creature kicked wildly trying to scratch Troy, but the hoodie's lining was thick enough to protect him from injury. He pinned the flailing appendages with his knees and soon the young hiker had both hands around the neck of the Not‐A‐Chicken and began squeezing the life out of it.

Troy pressed his thumbs down on the creature's windpipe, he felt it collapse under the pressure and the oddity's thrashing became substantially weaker. Soon it was barely moving, only making small choking noises every now and then to let the world know it was still alive.

Troy gripped its head in his hands and twisted, after a sickening crack the non‐chicken finally stopped moving. Troy rolled off the creature and onto his side. Suddenly he heard a crack and felt the sensation of something breaking.

He felt around in a panicked state, had he just broken his leg? What the hell?!

He felt no pain and nothing seemed to be wrong. He paused for a moment before feeling one of his lower pockets. He slapped his forehead, he had forgotten about the cucumber!

Just as he was about to retrieve the vegetable, a sound similar to breaking glass filled the air. Troy flinched at the sudden noise before he heard a curious shuffling.

He tried to open his eyes, but a fresh pain stabbed at them, though this was much more mild, like stepping out into a sunny day after being cooped up in a dark room. He had to scrub the drying blood from his eyelids to keep them from sticking shut, though his vision was still discolored by it, and he could barely keep his eyes open. Though after a bit effort he was able to catch a discolored glimpse of the stone stag bounding into the brush. Only after another session of repeated blinking did he work the blood out of his eyes and by then the deer was long gone.

That thing wasn't a statue! Well damn, that... actually that was pretty cool.

Troy was honestly impressed, a stone stag was pretty incredible, and despite it's weight it was pretty graceful when he got a glimpse of it.

Makes no damn sense, but hey, par for the course at this point. And hey, it didn't try to kill me, so that's a plus.

Troy took his bandanna and rolled it into a thick, but short roll and tied the Not‐Chicken to his belt loop by the neck. No sense in letting free meat go to waste. After that was done he rolled up his sleeve to check on the bites, surprisingly there was very little bleeding. He had some bruising from the first bite, but the hooded sweatshirt's thick fluffy liner had prevented the teeth from puncturing the skin. He had some minor scratches but nothing in need of immediate attention. Satisfied he wasn't going to bleed out on the hike back to camp the wayward hiker stretched and set off into the brush once more.

As he left the clearing he spotted a patch of familiar looking flowers, and upon circling the grove he spied a tree with his carving pointing the way to his temporary home. After he passed the zebra's tree hovel (nobody home by the look of it) his mind began to wander as he followed the tree marks.

How is any of this possible, I should be in Washington right now. Unless I'm getting punked by the most ambitious bastards ever I'm pretty sure I'm not.

He paused to take a deep breath, cradled his forehead in his hand and releasing his breath in a frustrated growl.

But that doesn't make any damn sense!

He raged silently.

The world doesn't just up and decide 'hey this shit exists now.' It doesn't work that way.

Am I insane? Have I lost it? Did I snap after I realized I was lost on a mountain in the middle of nowhere?

Troy picked up the pace, almost as if he was trying to out run his uncertainty. Unluckily for him, his doubts could easily keep up.

This is all impossible. This can't be happening.

He ran faster, ignoring the pain in his leg.

I'm hallucinating, I've gone off the deep end. I can't be alone!

Faster, the scrapes from his last fight began to sting.

I can't be alone! I want to go HOME!

Faster. Faster, the bumps and bruises from his fall throbbed wracking Troy's abused frame with pain, only to be ignored.

WHY CAN'T I WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!? WHY CANT I GO HOME!?!

Faster. Faster. Faster, he leaped over rocks and bounded through the bush. Dead to the world around him only moving forward. Desperately trying to flee from the panic in his heart and the tears in his eyes.

WHY CAN'T THIS FUCKING WORLD MAKE ANY SENSE!? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANYTHING MADE ANY SENSE!?

Suddenly he burst past a bush and was in a clearing.

Troy froze in his tracks, there lay the four wooden wolves he had managed to kill by some insane luck.

It hit him.

The revelation was almost religious in its implications.

Even in all this madness, those creatures had made sense. They weren't animated twigs and tree leaves pulled from some old fairy tale. They had working physiology, they could breathe, they could eat, and they could die.

When he had split those monsters open he had stripped away the mask of insanity that was this hell and found order within the chaos.

He drew his knife from its sheath and poked his finger, pushing on the wound to form a small bead of crimson on the tip of his finger, the pain was real.

He could feel the warmth pouring up and out of the thick liquid, the warmth was real.

He inhaled the scent of his blood, it smelt of copper and iron, the scent was real.

He brought it to his lips, reminiscent of an old worn penny, the taste was real.

This was real.

This was happening.

He had found the order in this strange world.

The hiker once again set off for his improvised home, casually stepping over the corpses in his path. He practically melded into the shadows provided by the canopy leaving only an eerie silence in his wake as evidence of his passing.

A wide grin slowly crept its way onto the young man's hidden face. He stared at the knife in his hand as he rubbed the stubble on his chin. The blade glittered in the shadows as errant sunbeams caught glimpses of the steel through the forest canopy.

I found order in chaos before.

The abomination hanging from his belt loop bounced rhythmically against his leg as he walked.

I can find it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win."
―Stephen King

A.N:
*pulls out a notebook with a small list, 'Hit and run' and 'You can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!' already checked off.*

*checks off 'The ol' bait and switch'*

Mwahahaha!

haaaaa.

I'm so evil.

Editor’s note: In memory of Zecora’s Ass that was brutally slapped by the monster known as Troy. Ass-slap seizures are a serious crime and should not be taken lightly; if you or someone you know has fallen victim to an A.S.S. (Ass-Slap Seizure), please seek immediate medical attention. Please consult your doctor before using the drug Chronic Longevity Ass-Slap Seizure Yetimizer (C.L.A.S.S.Y.) as it may not be the solution for you. Those who suffer a C.L.A.S.S.Y. A.S.S. drug malfunction, please grab a shovel and immediately start digging your grave.

Up, Over and Onwards

Chapter 8

Up, Over and Onwards

Edited by: Cosmic Afro

Pre-readers: Neko-, Dusty the Royal Janitor, and The Gargoyle

“Ok, over there we have that huge clearing with the tree, so the freaky tree hovel should be around there and beyond the treeline in that direction is the land of ponies sponsored by Crayola.”

Troy wrapped up his mental map as he gazed out over the forest from the tower. His mp3 pounding the lyrics of one of his favorite songs, Run by Disturbed, into his ears.

However, the song couldn’t drown out his concern. The one thing that had been at the edge of his mind before the chicken thing had attacked him was that purple pony thing. The one that chased him from the library.

He wasn’t able to think about it at the time, after all he was consumed by his desire to escape. He knew nothing about the society the pony things had, and he had no desire to learn from the inside of a cell, or dungeon, or if the colorful equine equivalent of such existed.

But that purple one, she was able to appear seemingly at will. Was it an some sort of cloaking device?

Not likely. She was running in plain sight most of the time, and she had only done it a few times. Rather, it had looked like she was teleporting.

That just leaves the question of how. How?

The implications were dire. What was the range? If this thing could move from place to place nigh instantaneously then it wouldn’t matter how far he ran. If it found him it could follow him to the ends of the earth, or whatever this new world was called.

At the thought of the creature suddenly appearing in his makeshift ‘home’, he turned on his heel, nearly expecting the purple pursuer to be standing right behind him. Nothing.

Troy clutched his head as a brand new headache set in. He was getting paranoid.

Maybe a walk can clear my head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Um, I think this is a bad idea."

"What was that Fluttershy?"

"I said, I think this is a bad idea."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

"Come on, this is a great plan. We don't have to slowly trek through the forest‐"

"‐Or run into any dangerous animals."

"‐Or get our hooves dirty."

"‐Or walk! Now we totally have enough time to plan the surprise party!"

"Surprise party?" Fluttershy panted as she strained to push the cloud her friends were perched on.

The four land‐bound ponies were resting atop a large cloud, courtesy of Rainbow Dash's weather connections and little cloud walking magic from Twilight.

Fluttershy and Rainbow were pushing the fluffy platform towards the Everfree Forest, while Twilight was giving Rarity a crash course in magical cloud maintenance.

While there was an abundance of magic to be found in the Everfree, it was wilder and more untamed. As a result the ordered, structured magic that surrounded the pony made clouds becomes wild itself upon entering the Everfree. The plan was that Twilight and Rarity were going to keep that from happening by using their own magic to help sustain the cloud’s integrity.

"Are you girls ready? We're going to be passing over the border any minute."

"Sure thing Rainbow, just keep us low until we get close to the castle then take us up, a low hanging cloud might not draw much attention in Ponyville, but it's a dead giveaway out in the forest."

"Gotcha. Hey, do you know why the magic here is different? Isn't it usually the same, you know, everywhere?"

"I have no idea. There have been multiple theories over the years for why the air above the forest has wilder magic than the rest of Equestria. It has stumped the entire scientific community. The fact that structured magic can ‘go wild’ is a phenomenon unique to the Everfree. There's nowhere else like this in the world."

"...so you don't know."

Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yes Dash, I don't know. I'm sorry I couldn't be more informative."

"It's fine, I kinda zoned out there for a minute anyway."

The librarian pony glared at her friend for moment before returning to her lecture, which was cut short when everyone started to sink into the cloud.

“Wha‐” Rainbow’s cry was cut off by her head suddenly being enveloped by the dissipating cumulus.

Twilight quickly lit her horn and cast her spell, causing the improvised observation platform to glow lavender. Slowly, everyone began to regain their footing as the cloud coalesced once more.

“Twilight.”

“Yes, Dash?”

“Let’s not do that again.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.”

“Ah do hate to butt in,” Applejack interjected, “but Ah was under the impression that this here was a sneaky type o’ shindig. Ya’ll said that a low hangin’ cloud would be mighty suspicious. Ah hate ta point out that a glowin’ cloud is just as likely ta attract all kinds of unwanted attention.”

Twilight only smiled and nodded, “I thought the same thing, that’s why I’m teaching Rarity the spell. The aura of her magic is blue and if we’re at a high enough altitude we should appear to be nothing more than a wispy cloud or a patch of sky.”

The unicorn mare gazed over the edge of the cloudy platform. She spoke as she watched the forest canopy pass below her. “Worst case scenario, we get found out, and considering that this creature appears to be flightless, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”

“OH!”

Everyone jumped slightly at Twilight’s sudden exclamation.

“What!? What is it?” Rainbow asked while scanning the immediate area, in case the mystery creature had somehow already managed to sneak up on them.

“Dash, can we make a quick detour?”

“What?! You brought us all to investigate some crazy‐dangerous unknown mystery monster and now you want to go sight seeing? Are you crazy?!” Dash shouted at the top of her lungs.

Applejack leveled a glare at Rainbow. “Hush, what if that thing's out there?”

Twilight nodded thoughtfully at AJ before continuing.“I want to see where it fought those Timberwolves again.”

Suddenly all eyes were on her, everyone knew something was up.

“And why would we return to such a dreadful place exactly?” Rarity inquired.

“Because we need to confirm the story the girls gave us,” Twilight answered, her logic getting a few hesitant nods. “Plus if we can figure out how events unfolded then we might get a better understanding of this creature, how it thinks and reacts. That could be invaluable if this thing ever needs to be confronted. Of course, only Rainbow Dash and myself will investigate.”

“Why just us?”

“Because Fluttershy can’t handle that place, we know that firsthoof.” She said whilst pointing at the aforementioned pony, who was already beginning to hyperventilate.

“We need Pinkie here to keep Fluttershy calm.” The pink party pony quickly scooted up to her friend and kindly gave her a brown paper bag to breathe into. After poofing the bag out a few times the quiet pony slowly began to calm down.

“Rarity has to stay here to maintain the cloud, otherwise we lose our ticket to get out of here hassle-free, while Applejack keeps an eye out for anything that might be headed our way.”

Rainbow Dash could only flutter in place. Trying, and failing, to come up with a single flaw in her friend’s logic.

“Can we get going, or did you space out again?”

“Yeah yeah don’t get a knot in your tail, we’re going,” Dash muttered as she steered the the cushy platform towards what she guessed was the desired clearing.

Soon they were over the lake of green that was only interrupted by a single tree and several motionless brown figures.

Yeah, definitely the place.

She maneuvered the cloud over the clearing with ease.

“So how exactly are you getting‐”

With a sudden flash of magic Twilight was on the ground, looking up expectantly at her airborne friend.

“...down. Ok, shoulda seen that coming.”

In seconds, Dash was down and beside the intrepid investigator, who was currently squinting at one of the bodies.

“Eeagh, let’s do whatever it is we’re doing and get going. We got some prime spying to do!”

“Dash, look around for a minute. What do you see?”

The rainbow-colored mare took a moment to observe the carnage around her.

“I see dead things. Isn’t that why we’re here?”

“Yes, but doesn’t it look different? Last time it looked like the aftermath of a fight, now something's different.”

“Looks the same to me.”

“Yeah but look at this.” She motioned to one of the wolves that was laying on its back. “Something opened it’s‐” Twilight fought for a moment to keep from losing her lunch. “‐chest and carved it out.”

Rainbow Dash had always believed she was tougher than most ponies, and that meant a stronger stomach as well. Today was the day she put it to the test, because looking at that thing was gruesome. To be honest, she was expecting Twilight to be in bushes regurgitating her lunch, but so far she had managed to keep it down. So far.

“So, did something eat it?” Dash asked uneasily.

“No, that’s the part that worries me.” The lavender mare pointed to a series of dried piles of plant matter. “It took it apart, piece by piece. No known creature does this, which means it was likely our mystery monster.”

“Why? Why would anypony do this?”

“I don’t know, maybe it was looking for something. Or it could have been examining the carcass, it’s not unheard of that some scientists will cut open dead animals to better understand how they work. Whatever the case, to open up the Timberwolf and dissect it shows a level of organization equal to that of a pony.”

“Wait, there are PONIES that do this kind of thing!?”

“It doesn’t happen often, and it’s always with animals that died of natural causes. I know how it sounds, but it’s for science. Some ponies actually have donated their bodies to science so we could have a better understanding of our own physiology. And because of those ponies we have had huge advances in medicine and emergency treatments.”

Dash’s shook her head. “That’s so wrong.”

“Look,” Twilight pointed at another Timberwolf. This one larger than its companions and with a few more notable differences. “That one’s head is missing, and it looks like its back was carved out this time.”

“Where’d its head go?”

“It was most likely taken. Either by the mystery creature or something else that had happened by at the time.”

“Why?!”

“I don’t know Dash, as a trophy maybe? I would need to know more details, grim as they might be.” Twilight replied as she rubbed her neckline with an idle hoof and gulped.

“Are we done? This place is starting to creep me out.”

“Sure, I think‐” Twilight froze for a moment and then trotted over towards a tree on the edge of the clearing. She pointed to a series of notches that had been carved into the bark. “Looks like our mystery creature left directions.”

Dash floated on over, taking note of the arrow marked on the tree.

“So what’s the arrow for?”

“I would postulate for directions. The question is, directions for whom?”

“You know, as fun as that sounds, let’s not find out.”

“Agreed, can you check to see where the arrow actually points to?”

“Sure, be back in a flash.” Giving a quick salute, Rainbow Dash darted above the thick green of the forest and after a moment’s searching, found their ultimate destination. The arrow pointed in the general direction of the castle.

“So where does it go?” Twilight called from the ground.

“Straight towards the castle,” Rainbow called back.

“Hey Dash!”

The cyan pegasus whirled around to the sound of Applejack’s voice. The farm pony was still sitting up on her fluffy perch.

“What’s goin’ on?” the farm pony asked.

“Uhh, things are getting kinda complicated.”

“How’s that exactly?”

“Uh, well...”

“Were ya even payin’ attention down there?”

“I totally was, but it was really confusing and really creepy. What do you want from me?”

“What Ah want is to know what in the hay is going on!” The orange mare stomped the cloud for emphasis, though the effect was undermined by the soft ‘fwoof’‐ing sound that resulted from her efforts.

“Why don’t you just ask Twilight silly?” Pinkie interjected, calling from beside Fluttershy.

“Now how am Ah’ supposed t‐” Applejack’s question was interrupted by a sudden and brilliant flash followed by the appearance of a familiar unicorn.

The cowpony turned turned to her pink companion with an bemused expression adorning her face.

“Pinkie sense?”

“Pinkie sense.”

“One day Ah’d really like to know how ya do that.”

The party pony smiled and slung a foreleg over Applejack's shoulder, beaming. “It’s easy AJ, all you have to do is remember everything that you’ve learned up to now is completely wrong and completely right at the same time, except when it’s left.”

“What happens when it’s left?”

“Then it’s not right!”

Applejack, knowing what madness lay down the road to the world Pinkie Pie occupied, wisely decided to turn her attention to Twilight.

“So Twi, what’s the word? Dash here has been less than informative.”

“Long story short we found some concerning evidence. This creature is intelligent, curious, organized and very, very dangerous when it want’s to be.”

“Wait, when did we figure that out?” Rainbow asked as she scratched her head.

“Well think about it, the creature could have fled at anytime and left the girls in the tree. Naturally they probably wouldn’t have escaped nearly as unscathed as they did.”

“So,” Rarity interjected. “You’re saying this creature saved them and could very well be friendly?”

“Emphasis on could, we don’t know for what reason it confronted the wolves. If it was friendly why did it run away when we arrived?”

“Well we aren’t going to get any answers waiting around here!” Dash remarked as she took up her position at the back of the cloud.

“Agreed.”

The lavender librarian nodded, and soon they were on their way towards the castle once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Aaaaaand done! Now all I need is to braid the sinew and I’m finished.”

Troy smiled at his carefully whittled yew bow. Stumbling across that Yew tree had been a miracle all by itself. After he had removed a few good-sized branches, he was ready to make his bow. In truth, he had botched the first of the three branches he had taken. The thing had snapped on his first ‘test bend’ and had shown signs of splintering where he had notched the ends for the bowstring. The results the second time around were vastly superior. He reinforced the grip and notches with dried vine ropes, making it easier to handle while simultaneously helping to prevent the wood from breaking. The final branch was currently resting in the tower, he was letting it dry for the next bow.

The thing about making bows, if you used wet wood, or wood fresh from a tree, it would be much more springy. This would allow the bow to be used more than a regular one would before breaking, the only problem is that the springy‐ness also detracted from the force of the shot as well as the overall range. Still, baby steps, he was halfway done to making an effective mid‐to‐long range weapon. No more getting up close and personal with the local fauna. At least not if he could help it; the wood wolves were beyond this type of weapon, no telling if others were too.

Troy checked his wounds, nothing had opened up since he had treated himself when had arrived at what was quickly becoming his ‘home away from home’. That chicken‐lizard thing had given him a run for his money.

Speaking of which.

His thoughts turned to the nutty looking critter, he had it resting upon the surprisingly well preserved desk upstairs. He had guessed that since the desk seemed to be both of very high quality material and craftsmanship that whatever treatment it had received when it was being made had allowed it to survive exposure to the elements for X amount of time.

Seriously, that thing was probably the best piece of furniture you could buy at the time. I think that thing’s made out of mahogany.

Returning to the creature, the only reason he hadn’t cut into the damn thing the second he had arrived was because he had become acutely aware of how unequipped he was for an in-depth look at this thing’s guts. When he had been walking back, he had realized he had no way to cleanly cut any of the bones as neither of his knives had serrations or saws. He could break the bones with a stone but not only was that a rather haphazard way of going about a dissection, it also raised the possibility that he would turn this things organs into unidentifiable mush. That prospect in particular was completely unacceptable. He also needed pins. After all, he had a playthrough of “Amnesia: Dark Descent” under his belt, so he sorta knew what a proper dissection looked like, and that required pins to keep the splayed skin and muscle taut so he could properly examine the creature’s fleshy bits. Of course he had nothing remotely like that.

He was planning on performing the whole ‘operation’ on the desk up in the tower, it was at a good height and he really couldn’t see any other use for it at the moment. The young man wracked his mind for possible alternatives, he could use splinters of wood but he couldn’t imagine that they would be able to properly fasten the flesh to the desk. He had noted that there were golden points on the posts of the dilapidated bed frame, of course they looked rather wide at the base and were quite blunt, that and there was only four of them. He thought about every single item he had at his disposal and then remembered the table in the kitchen had some nails in it. While the heads were rusted the rest of the nail would likely be perfectly intact. Troy stood and made his way to the kitchen from the courtyard, taking a small detour to leave his bow resting against the the altar in the main hall.

He found that breaking apart the rotten wood was much quicker than trying to pull the nails out, soon he had some lumber for the nights cooking fire and ten nails, all of them in good condition with only a few of them showing signs of corrosion anywhere but the head. Though Troy reflected that nailing them in wouldn’t be a problem, as he could use the back of his hatchet. Prying them out again would prove difficult and leaving a rancid piece of meat nailed in place to a area he had to frequent seemed a little extreme. Although, he could always throw the desk out of the tower from the hole that had previously been the balcony.

As he started to make his way to the tower he took note of the pile of small vines that had been unused due to their short length. He had them coiled up near one of the walls resting on a chunk of the ceiling. Then a thought struck him, something perfect for his intentions. He couldn't nail down the corpse, rather he would space the nails along the sides of the desk. two on each of the sides and three on the front and back edges. Then he would use carved hooks and the string to stretch the flesh away from the body. It would take a while but it would allow the table to be reused for further studies instead of ruining it for just a single specimen. Troy smiled and went to collect his materials. He felt a certain excitement building in his chest. What would he learn? What would he see when he opened it up? Was it male? Female? Was its species in the process of evolving? Like the feathered reptiles of the late eras of the dinosaur age maybe?

The young man was skipping every couple of steps, he was excited, happy even. The strange euphoria that settled on his person propelled him forward to prepare for his grisly work.

Whistling merrily all the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re here. Dash take us up.” Twilight whispered.

With a quick and quiet ‘Aye Aye’ from Rainbow they were all stated to ascend. Twilight turned to her horned compatriot.

“Rarity, how long do you think you can hold the spell?”

“Well it’s not nearly as taxing as I had anticipated, but unfortunately I think I’ll only be able to manage an hour or two at the most.”

“That’s fine, if the creature is inside the castle we can take turns, no point in hiding if it can’t see us in the first place.”

“Agreed.”

Soon, the group was floating at a comfortable height, where all of them were certain that they would be able to escape the strange creatures notice, and if it came down to it, its wrath as well. Once they were in position and Rainbow Dash was on the cloud rather than pushing it, Twilight turned to better address the assembled ponies at a low volume.

“Remember, much about this creature is unknown, so we must be very quiet while observing it.” She gave a pointed look to Pinkie, of whom was frozen in place holding a pair of cymbals. She slowly put them back in her saddlebags with a sheepish smile.

The group of mares made themselves comfortable and hunkered down with their binoculars. All of them scanning the castle area for signs of their elusive quarry. As they observed the area, Twilight was beginning to become quite giddy. A never before seen creature that was intelligent, a whole new species of sapient beings! When she spied the rope bridge spanning the chasm she whipped out her notebook and began to make a rough drawing.

“Hey look,” Twilight pointed at the structure, still sketching all the while. “Isn’t that the strange bridge that the girls talked about.”

Applejack turned her attention to the wood and vine construction, before tossing in her two bits.
“Sure looks that way. Hey Twi, how do ya think that that thing gets across on that, doesn’t look safe, that’s for sure. Why’s it all up in the air like that?”

“I’m not sure, there isn’t a lot of materials for use around here. Maybe it just used what was lying around and this was the result. Or maybe‐” Twilight’s lecture cut off as her vision drifted towards the end of the bridge.

“Oh dear.”

“What is it? Somethin’ wrong?”

“Well, you remember that Dash and I went to investigate the clearing? Well one of the Timberwolves was missing its head.”

Everypony present paled slightly, Fluttershy dangerously so.

“Well, I think I just found where it went.”

There, locked in Twilight’s gaze was the disembodied head of the Timberwolf Alpha in all its rotting glory. Only Applejack and Rainbow Dash were brave enough to follower her line of sight.

AJ slowly lowered her binoculars and turned her attention to Twilight.

“Twi, we need to talk.”

“Applejack, we can’t jump to conclusions.”

“This ain’t jumping to conclusions, that there is a head on a stick! And Ah don’t rightly think that anypony who owns one of those is going to be somepony you can talk sense to.”

The orange mare stomped her hoof for emphasis, sending it right through the cloud. After she removed her appendage from the fluffy platform she continued.

“Whatever is livin’ here is dangerous Twi, and it doesn’t have any problem with wandering into Ponyville. We can’t let this rattler roam, what if it comes for somepony next time?”

Twilight nodded as she replied. “I understand Applejack, but this isn’t that simple. We don’t know if we can communicate with it or what it actually wants. You don’t think that I want answers? That I don’t want to know why it broke into my home?”

The librarian took a step forward and placed a hoof on her chest.

“This isn’t something we can ignore now, but while this creature has more than proven itself dangerous. It’s also important to note that it not only looked after the girls for a whole night when it had no reason to, but it also saved them at the risk of its own life. AJ, can you honestly say we can’t give this creature a chance, even after it saved Apple Bloom?”

This gave the cowpony pause, she had been worried as to what would happen if this creature went on a rampage. After all, the Apple family property was just off the Everfree Forest, critters from the woods had given them enough trouble in the past. The last thing she needed was a new critter to harass her kin and threaten the safety of the farm.

But it saved Apple Bloom.

If the girls had been telling the truth, whatever this thing was not only gave them shelter from the storm, but kept them warm through the night. On top of that it faced down five of the most fearsome predators the forest had to offer. Didn’t that at least count for something?

The farm mare gave a long sigh, “Ah, suppose yer right, Ah’m just a little on edge with this whole mess.”

“I think it’s safe to say it’s not just you, we’re all on edge. This is might be our first contact with a completely unknown species. So how should we approach it?”

Applejack trotted towards the edge of the cloud as she spoke. “Let’s not put the cart before the pony here now, before anything else Ah say we set eyes on this critter.” She raised her binoculars to her eyes. “So far we don’t even know what it looks like.”

Dash nodded in agreement as she joined her friend in her spying, almost immediately she shouted. “THE‐rmph"

A pair of pink hooves quickly wrapped around Rainbows muzzle, stifling the shout.

One hoof detached from the prismatic pegasus's mouth to transfer to its owners own as Pinkie shushed somebody for the first time in recent memory.

"Quiet, remember?" The pink mare whispered while gently reminding her friend.

After the pegasus gave a quick nod Pinkie removed her remaining hoof.

Keeping her voice low Rainbow pointed down at the castle.
"Something inside is moving."

The rest of the mares quickly followed her gaze through one of the castle’s broken windows, they could see that indeed something moving in the shadows thrown by the castles massive structure.

“Ah can’t see it.” The orange farm pony quietly remarked as she scanned for any sign of life. However, it was Pinkie caught a glimpse of it first.

“OOOH! I saw it! No. Wait. Yes! I think it’s going that way, no wait, that-a-way” The party pony threw her hoof dramatically towards the castle courtyard, very nearly clocking Twilight in the process. All the while keeping her volume in a range usually reserved for Fluttershy.

“Ah see it, Ah think it’s headed out back!”

Dash was already moving the cloud into position. “I’ll get us a better angle.”

Soon they were overlooking the courtyard, spotting their quarry quite quickly. Soon all the mares were lined up on top of the cloud, silently observing the creature as it dipped some kind of cloth in the water. It was wearing an abundance of clothes, though strangely it wasn’t wearing anything on it’s upper torso at the moment as far as they could tell. The creature kept it’s back turned, though still giving a decent view to all of the observing ponies.

“It really doesn’t have any fur, weird.” Dash was the first to comment.

“Could it be sick or something?” Applejack asked as she examined the creature’s pinkish hide.

“Maybe,” Twilight replied as the creature was vigorously scrubbing it’s cloth in the stream. “We don’t know anything about this species, I wonder why nopony’s seen one before.”

“Why don’t we just ask?” Pinkie sprung up and began to gulp in a huge breath.

“Because it can’t‐” The purple pony turned as she replied, and when she saw the the pink mare’s intentions she immediately made to intercept.

“HEY‐ mnbffh”

Unfortunately, it was too little too late.

The creature whirled around at the sudden noise. Luckily, while it got the direction of the shout’s source correct it was, by design, greatly mistaken on the elevation.

Though this was of little consequence to the four mares that were still watching the creature. All of whom felt like a large stone had spontaneously materialized in their stomachs. The creatures front was covered in streaks of blood, mostly on it’s face. It idly wiped away the crimson liquid with the fistful of damp fabric as it scanned the area.

Rainbow gave Pinkie an annoyed look, "What the heck happened to 'quiet'?"

"I thought I was helping, what do you do when you want to know something about somepony? You ask them, silly, it usually works."

"But, it can't speak Equestrian!"

"Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot about that."

The assembled mares gave a collective sigh while Rainbow idly rustled Pinkies mane.

"It's alright, you didn't give us away, so just be a little more careful, OK?"

Twilight watched the exchange with a satisfied smile and single nod at the conclusion, it was good thing that they hadn't been spotted. And of course, Pinkie was just trying to help.

“Um, Twilight dear,” Rarity whispered, drawing the her friends attention and merely offered her binoculars while motioning toward the creature.

Twilight took a look through her friend's proffered spyglasses. She looked in the indicated direction and immediately wished she hadn’t.

“Remind me to thank you for suggesting this cloud platform.” The fashionista muttered quietly.

The librarian could only nod in response.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moments ago...

Geeze, blood really doesn’t wash out all that easy. Stupid artery, though I have to admit that little blood fountain thing it did was kinda cool there for a minute. Though I guess I shouldn't have been leaning on in the first place. Even if it does mean less leverage.

Troy thought to himself as he scrubbed his unfortunate shirt, slowly rinsing out the chicken thing’s blood.

Suddenly a loud bleat filled the air, startling the hopelessly lost hiker. He swung around and scanned for the source of the noise, but heard nothing more. He simply shrugged it off, maybe it was a bird or something.

He cleaned the blood from his face and made his way back, after all he still had work to do. That thing had been able to blind him with no problem, but he had no idea how. The last thing he remembered was looking in its eyes before suddenly being wracked with pain. He had checked for spines or any other projectile but found nothing. Afterwards his eyes had been fine, he was currently guessing that it had sprayed his eyes with something. Like nature’s pepper spray.

Whatever the case was, he needed to find the mechanism and its limitations. If he encountered another one of these things, he wanted to know what he had to watch out for.

Troy continued to ponder the possibilities as he entered the gloomy shade that his abode cast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, I think it’s going inside.” Dash pointed at the creature as it made its way back into the cavernous castle ruins once again.

“So, what do we do now?”

“I vote we go home.”

“Fluttershy, we can’t go home, we have an obligation to make sure that thing doesn’t hurt anypony. ”

“So what do we do?” Rainbow Dash asked with more than a hint of impatience.

“We go and confront it, see if we can get some kind of understanding.”

“You seem to forget that it can’t talk.”

“We’ll just have to improvise, Rarity we have to try.”

“Hey, oh oh oh,” Pinkie Pie bounced as she lifted her hoof into the air. “I got an idea.”

“What?” Twilight asked as she gave a curious glance to the pink pony.

“We throw it a party!”

Twilight Sparkle sighed before replying. “No Pinkie, we have got to do this right and I’m pretty sure that parties or cupcakes are not going to be much help.”

“Okie dokie lokie.” The pink mare chirped.

“Ok, so what’s the plan?” Dash asked with a grin, she was getting tired of waiting and snooping. It was time for action! “Bust down the door and tell it to buzz off?”

“I don’t think so, if we can’t communicate we can’t tell it to do anything. Even if we could we don’t know if it would listen. Also, aggravating it will only make it far more dangerous than it already is. You do remember what happened with the dragon, don’t you?”

Dash paled at the memory, the teeth, the scales, the claws, the smoke. The smoke was black as pitch and smelled of sulfur. But this creature didn’t have any of those.

And yet, it was able to fend off five timberwolves by itself.

The small thought came unbidden and was quickly shoved aside, but Dash couldn’t shake the feeling that something was out of place, like something about it didn’t belong. She couldn’t put her hoof on it, but something about it just felt wrong, like something was missing.

“So what are we going to do then? Walk up, knock on the door and see if we can mime ‘don’t terrorize ponies in the middle of the night’?”

“There’s more to it than that, we can’t all approach it all at once.”

The girls quickly huddled around the purple pony as she began to explain.

“When it was surrounded by the Timberwolves it responded with lethal force.” The assembled ponies grimaced at the memory of the carnage left in the creatures wake. “If we show up all together it might assume we plan on harming it and thereby cause it to lash out or at best case scenario make it wary of us. If we are to have any chance at a peaceful resolution to this situation one of us needs to approach it alone with the rest standing by as backup. And I have to be the one to do it.”

The others exchanged unsure glances.

“You sure that’s a good idea sugarcube?”

“Yes Applejack, I’m sure. Besides I don’t want be out of your sight so Rainbow will bring the cloud in low and keep watch through the window.”

“Now wait just a minute, you just got done saying how dangerous this thing is and now you want to go meet it face to face?!” Rainbow Dash sputtered.

“Twi darling, I know you’re upset about how it broke into your house last night but isn't this a little rash?”

“Please stop.”

All eyes were on Twilight.

“I admit I was upset. In fact I still am a little angry, but I’m the only one who’s seen this thing up close. I have a duty to Equestria and I plan on fulfilling that duty.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to go alone, sugarcube.”

“I won’t be alone, you’ll be right there and don’t forget I’ve got my magic. If it tries anything I’ll be long gone before it can even touch me.”

After a series of uncertain looks AJ sighed.

“An’ they say Ah’m stubborn.” She conceded. “We’ll be watchin’ from here. Anything goes sideways you just give us a holler and we’ll be down in a jiffy.”

Twilight nodded solemnly.

“Alright, I’m going.”

With a bright flash, she was on the ground. She craned her neck to try to spot the cloud her friends were currently perched on. Picking out the fast-moving cumulus wasn’t all that hard, no sooner than it was in position she could see Pinkie waving to her from her position on top of the fluffy white scouting outpost.

Steeling herself, the purple mare made her way towards the castle. Slowly working the doors inward with her magic she noticed that aside from a smoldering fire pit there was no sign of the creature’s presence.

“Ok, now,” Twilight mumbled to herself. “If I was a strangely clothed bipedal creature, where would I be?”

She wondered idly as she slowly entered the castle ruins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What could possibly go wrong?”

—Famous last words

AN: Big thanks to Cosmic, The Gargoyle, Neko- and Dusty the Royal Janitor. You guys were a huge help and this story is that much better for it. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Retaliatory Trespassing

Chapter 9

Retaliatory Trespassing

Edited by: CosmicAfro
Pre‐read by: Neko- and OnederMan

“All right, Twilight. You can do this. You've faced dragons, hydras and manticores, this is nothing,” the lone unicorn assured herself, though her nerves were getting the better of her.

“Deep breath. Okay, first things first. Locate the creature and initiate contact.”

She looked about the entryway. It didn't appear to be in the main hall.

“Of course it could be hiding behind any one of those pillars.”

She brushed the thought aside, deciding to take a closer look at the room. Not much had changed from her last visit, though truth be told she really didn’t make time to take in the scenery. The central altar was more or less untouched, and the only real sign that anything had been here recently was a smoldering fire pit. Other than that she could see a pair of doors leaning haphazardly against their frame. She was unsure if the creature had placed them there or rather she simply had not noticed. She was in a bit of a hurry the last time she was here, what with the whole eternal night and everything.

“Hello?” The trespassing mare called out. “Anypo‐ Anything here?”

Only her echo answered.

Twilight slowly crept into the shadowy halls; the creature had just walked in a minute ago, where could it have gone?

There were multiple passageways leading away from the main entryway. The determined, if not slightly terrified diplomat wandered through the halls, occasionally calling for the creature. She meandered through what was left of the ground floor, only to find nothing. Her patience was wearing thin, as was her courage.

She turned to the last place she had to look, twin staircases leading up to the two towers the Princesses had resided in over a thousand years before. She really didn’t want to, after a millennia of neglect this place was far from structurally sound. Yet, her scholarly side was begging to know something; this had once been her mentor’s home. Could it be the same as her quarters in Canterlot?

Twilight shook her head. She had to focus, this was about making contact with an undiscovered species, not her mentor’s taste in furnishings. Still, she decided to take the staircase with her teacher’s namesake sun cutie mark chiseled into its door frame.

As she ascended the staircase her mind wondered what she might find. Had the creature nested here for some unknown purpose or did it happen upon the castle by chance? As Twilight reached the stair’s apex she noticed the door was ajar, practically announcing the presence of her quarry.

I wonder why it would be here of all places? And why the castle to begin with?

She suddenly had an unbidden mental picture of the creature lounging on the Princess's old bed while sipping a cup of tea in her old fluffy bathrobe. Its legs were crossed in a regal fashion and it was wearing a monocle. She pictured herself entering the room and being greeted with a jovial lift of the cup as it invited her to enjoy some freshly baked biscuits.

She stifled a giggle at the imagined image, her private laugh slightly lifting some of the anxiety from her shoulders. Smiling, she lifted her hoof and gave three sharp knocks on the door.

“Hello, Anypo‐ body home?” she called out as she slowly pulled the door back to reveal the contents of the room.

Sadly, the creature was not one of them.

Giving an annoyed huff, she cast a curious eye around her mentor's old dwelling.

She gave the collapsed four poster bed a once over, one could barely tell if somepony could have ever slept on it comfortably. What with the metal wiring and spring box being the only thing left to indicate it was actually a bed and not just an overturned table. Looking at it now, nopony would have guessed that at one time, the diarch of the sun slept upon this metal rat's nest.

Looking around a little more she could spot a large overturned wardrobe and her mentor's old desk, but it was an off shade, like it had been dyed crimson.

Then she noticed the lump.

On top of the desk, with various cords running under it, was a loose garment that had been draped over...

…Something she couldn’t immediately identify, but she could see wet stains seeping out into the cloth covering.

She suddenly felt ill.

She wanted to turn away, but her hooves remained rooted where they were on the stone floor.

She tried to look at anywhere but the desk, but her curiosity was slowly creeping its way into the forefront of her mind.

What was under the sheet? Had it been preparing food? Could it have been... meat?

As she found herself examining the desk she noticed a series of braided vine cords nailed to the edge of the desk, each one running under the garment concealing...

...What?

She couldn’t take it anymore and reached out with her magic, surrounding the cloth with a purple aura.

However, before she could reveal what lay underneath she felt a slight twinge from her horn as the magic surrounding the veil vanished.

Twilight blinked uncomprehendingly at the defiant piece of fabric.

She tried to lift it, but her magic winked out of existence as soon as it appeared once more.

The element of magic, sole student of Princess Celestia and recognized as one of the most powerful practitioners of the craft stood absolutely thunderstruck. This was her area of expertise, how could a rag of all things get the better of her!

Approaching the desk, her unease and hesitation completely forgotten, she examined the garment. It was completely unimpressive, and appeared insignificant at first glance. There was no aura of magic, no runes, sign of regents, nothing to indicate that the cloth was enchanted at all.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Twilight reached out with her mind to try to feel whatever sorcery was bound to the fabric and opening herself to the world. She could immediately feel an ancient enchantment reverberating through the brick and mortar of the tower. A spell old as antiquity, she could feel the vast age of the protective ward, nowhere near as strong as it once was, but it still holding. Now she could sense the wild and untamed magic that seemed to permeate the Everfree, it filled the air around her and seemed to seep into everything it touched, as she could tell where most everything was, provided it was close enough.

...But something was wrong.

She couldn’t feel the fabric, it felt like there was nothing there at all.

No enchantment. No magic, wild or otherwise. Nothing. It was like something had been cut out of the universe and a hole had been left behind.

She slowly opened her eyes and picked up the cloth with her hoof with a certain amount of reverence.

There were very few objects that could simply stop magic, most of which were legendary artifacts with unknown origins. But to be silent, to give off no magic of its own was unheard of.

Twilight examined the unremarkable garment with a sense of both awe and bewilderment, for such a valuable artifact to be left lying around acting as a covering for a corpse was inconceivable.

Granted, its mundane appearance would make it an unlikely target for theft, but still it was the principle that counted.

Before she could further ponder the implications of such a thing her attention was wrested from the fabric to the contents of the table.

The remains of what had obviously been a cockatrice were splayed out on the table. Most of its reptilian skin had been removed, showing the organs within. The rib cage had been broken into pieces. The face had most of its muscles removed on the side that was exposed. All the while, any skin that had been cut away had been pulled taut with the cords nailed to the desk, making the corpse appear like it was writhing in agony.

Twilight took a step back, and then another.

Back in the clearing, the corpses of the Timberwolves had been unnerving, but those were just plants! Creatures many believed to be nothing more than piles of wood animated by the Everfree’s wild magic.

She had read studies that pertained to dissections, even saw a few diagrams and drawings here and there.

This was on a completely different level, the smell of gore and the sightless yet staring eyes of the dead. The stains, the ropes, the desk itself gripped, nay, demanded her focus. She desperately wanted to stop staring at the morbid scene before her but her eyes refused to tear themselves away.

The rattled mare continued to back away from the horrible scene.

She backed away until her rump hit something solid, staring at what would likely haunt her nightmares for the next year.

Finally she managed to close her eyes and tried to focus on breathing, she had come here with a purpose after all. She couldn’t allow herself to be distracted.

Twilight noticed something odd about the wall she was leaning against. First off it felt like she had backed into a corner or in between two poles. On top of that she could feel cloth against her fur.

For a moment her mind spun in circles, the tower was round. There were no corners for her to back into. On top of that there were no tapestries on the walls, they had rotted away centuries ago.

So what was...

It clicked before she could even turn around.

It was here.

She turned her head slowly, begging to be wrong.

She was not.

Standing over her was the creature, its upper body still bare with its oddly shaped forelimbs crossed in front of its chest. Looking down at her with an unreadable expression.

A million thoughts tore through Twilight's mind, some questions, most all having to do with fear and alarm. Images of all the things that could go wrong. Of her on that desk.

The maelstrom inside the pony’s mind locked her body in place. The urges to flee, to fight, to hide, and to beg, all conflicting with one another, glued her hooves to the stone floor.

Only two words managed to pass through the hurricane of thought and escape her lips.

“Oh, Ponyfeathers.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little while ago..

Troy was observing the current entrance to his new abode with scrutiny. More specifically, the hinges on one of the double doors. They had a tendency to squeak when opened. Well actually it was more of a deep moan, but terminology wasn’t a priority at the moment. Inside the man a battle of epic proportions raged, should he try to find some way of oiling it? He knew that there were ways of refining the body fat of various animals into oil so it wasn’t out of the question.

The man crouched and started to tap his chin in contemplation. On one side, it would allow him to use the door quietly and the ruckus the rusted metal made could be very grating. On the flip side it did add some ambiance to the entrance, it was the sound you expected when you entered an ancient castle. Plus, it would disallow intruders to sneak in unobstructed. Add in the time figuring out how to make oil from body fat and the decision was made.

Siding with equal parts practicality and laziness, Troy began to stand.

It’s not like I need anything more on my platter. Maybe it’s time to make some shutters for the windows. Fortify the place a bit. The way things are, those are a security nightmare.

As he was about to turn he heard the crunching of gravel coming from the other side of the door.

The wayward wanderer froze, staring disbelievingly at the metal portal to the outside world.

What the hell, this place is abandoned! What would come here in the middle of the afternoon!?

He crouched by the entrance, if the door did in fact open, it would obstruct him from the view of... whatever.

Troy began to go over the list of suspects in his mind.

Manticore: Not likely, the tree bridge is gone and I don’t think it could cross the monkey bridge.

Wooden wolf things: Again, not likely for the same reasons.

Horse things? … well there were a few that were capable of flight. So it is possible, but none of them have a reason to come‐

An aura of purple washed over the door frame.

All thoughts were silenced as a single image filled the young man’s mind. A brilliant flash the exact same coloration, with a pony to match. A flash that let that damnable quadruped cross distances in an instant. It was the only thing that had reason to come to the castle, the children he had sheltered the night before had probably made some mention of him. And now the lavender one had come in pursuit.

The doors slowly swung inward, but not far enough to be pressed against the wall and deprive him of cover. Once the glittering aura dissipated he silently moved into the shadow it provided.

He waited a beat, nothing passed through the portal.

What is it waiting for, a written invita‐

Suddenly a loud whinny caused the crouching hiker to flinch, reaching for knife and resting his hand on the hilt.

Another beat passed and finally he heard the telltale clip‐clop of hooves on stone.

He saw the shadow first, cast by the afternoon sun. The silhouette showed enough to confirm his suspicions; long hair (mane?) and a horn. When the purple pursuer came into view, Troy felt itchy all over. This thing had followed him all the way out here, for what reason? Even if he did break into her home he hadn’t taken anything of value...

...The sapphire.

It was all he could do to keep from smacking himself.

Ok, calm. You can do this YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER!

Troy squeezed down on the hilt of his knife, mentally berating himself for this thoughtlessness. After a moment his frustration had passed he turned his attention back to the figure of the trespassing equine, who was now examining his fire pit.

After a moment of looking around the oddly colored creature seemed to choose a hallway at random and waltzed away into the confines of the dilapidated castle that Troy called home.

Given a moment to himself, Troy went over his current options.

Confront

Attack

Hide

Confrontation was not exactly his favorite option as it could bleed into situation number two without the benefit of surprise. In a perfect world he would march up to her to and tell her to hit the bricks. But then of course the pony would just attack him instead.

Or would it?

Troy paused for a moment, noticing the hoof‐falls had returned and leaned out slightly from behind the door. The purple intruder was still making a racket as it used its purple glowy stuff to move the doors he had set against the exposed hallway. It let out one more high pitched whinny before it continued its fruitless search.

Is it trying to call for me? If it was trying to catch a thief wouldn’t it have tried to sneak up first?

The young man scratched at his chin stubble as he re‐evaluated his thinking.

While the pony had followed him, it was obvious that it wasn’t trying to conceal its presence. The way it was brazenly marching around looking for him implied that it wasn’t trying to get the jump on him.

If it had any ill will it was more likely that it would have snuck in, not loudly announce itself.

Probably would have brought more backup too.

Troy mused as he waited patiently by the door. Still, it had chased him through the hamlet or town or whatever. At the same time the creature hadn’t called for aid, had that been the case he would have been mobbed and detained almost immediately.

Curious.

Whatever purpose drove the equine to his neck of the woods it was unlikely that it was something pleasant. How unpleasant was irrelevant at this junction, it was better to wait it out and let it leave of its own accord.

Then he could go back to finding out if that chicken thing upstairs was edible.

Once again, the purple one returned looking rather irritated at its inability to find its prey.

Good, nobody’s home, so leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave!

Ignorant of the human’s mental rantings, the behooved home invader turned to the only place it had yet to look, the staircase leading to the towers.

NO! nononononononononono, wrong way. Shit shit shit.

His gear was still in the wardrobe! If that crazy purple freak found it, it would be certain that he was coming back and wait for him.

Shit!

He didn’t have all day for it to leave! Troy silently prayed that it would take the left stair to the closed off tower and give up, unfortunately the object of his frustration had moved out of sight and up the stairs. The right set.

“ssshdhfffffjd,” Troy bit down on a string of expletives so volatile that it would have ignited a nunnery provided it had a close enough proximity.

He debated whether or not to follow the miniature unicorn, but decided that if it ultimately found his pack his cover would be blown anyway. Not to mention his ‘little project’ was a dead giveaway, it wasn’t even hidden. Not really.

He silently made for the stairway, staying to the shadows of the support beams that held up the crumbling roof.

As he slowly made his way up the staircase, making a point to listen for any hoof falls that would indicate the presence of his current adversary.

Soon enough he was facing the ornate double doors that divided the staircase from the tower interior.

Peering past the open doorway he spied his would be pursuer, looking rather intently at the shirt he had laid over his latest kill. Troy felt a flood of panic coupled with a twinge of shame. Before, it was a simple matter of survival and understanding your surroundings and its inhabitants was one of the keys to survival. Especially when it came to understanding an enemy or a common predator. Yet now that the results of his attempts of ad‐hock biology were on the brink of being discovered, he felt like had done something dirty. It stung as the weight of his actions came into sharp relief. Civilised people don’t cut up animals, at least not sane ones.

He almost laughed in spite of himself.

Am I still sane? I don’t even know anymore.

At least he was aware of his madness, that put him ahead of most mental patients.

Still the matter at hand demanded his attention. The horse’s horn glowed purple, surrounding his cast off clothing with a similar hue.

Making the connection instantly, Troy knew what would come next; it would yank the cover off and scream. Then turn and see him, followed by either attacking or screaming some more.

So naturally he was nearly as surprised as the unicorn when the purple aura disappeared like a popped bubble.

He blinked as the pony shared his reaction of general confusion. It tried to do, whatever it was trying to do before, but each time the sparkly purple stuff fizzled out of existence. Soon the little equine stood tall with its chin up, clearly no longer fooling around. The lavender invader closed its eyes and...

...stood there with its eye’s closed.

Ok, what the fu‐

Suddenly the pony let out a small squeak of what Troy could only guess was surprise before it walked forward and picked up his cast off shirt with a hoof.

How it did so only confused the hiker even more. Though he flinched at the now exposed carcass that lay upon the desk.

Oddly enough, the pony was paying more heed to his laundry than the butchered corpse it had been previously used to cover. Which was quite a feat, as corpses tend to grab one's attention.

After flipping the cloth over in its hoof‐

How?

The four legged investigator seemed to address the old thing with a growing look of reverence.

Troy squinted in confusion, he didn’t exactly walk around wearing the Shroud of Turin if the grease and blood stains were any indication.

Troy took a few careful steps into the room, rolling his heels to quiet his foot falls. His uninvited guest was facing the desk and he could plainly see its face, and it could see him if it looked away for even a second. Troy circled around until he was out of its line of sight. Relaxing slightly he considered his next course of action.

Ok, so how do I get this things attention?

He blinked.

That was actually a good question. Should he wait for it to turn around on its own? Should he utilize the ever prevalent Polite Cough?

What was the proper way to get the attention of a completely foreign species that may or may not want to kill/imprison you?

This question would go unanswered as the attention attracting properties of the cadaver on the desk worked its own brand of magic. While not as effective as actual magic, it certainly didn’t exactly hurt that it was eye level, at least where the quadruped was concerned.

It did a double take, before seemingly rooting herself in place for a solid minute. Though it slowly seemed to come back to reality as it began to step away from the desk. Until it was rapidly backpedaling away from the grisly scene.

Right into Troy’s legs.

He froze, in anticipation for whatever would follow. Surprisingly enough, it didn’t occur to the critter currently nestling its rump between his legs that something was out of place.

After a moment, the purple pony suddenly seemed to understand that it had backed into an unknown object, and turned to identify the obstruction. Troy watched with muted amusement as its expression turned from confusion to abject terror, as its gaze traveled up from his legs, across his torso until their eyes locked. The second they made eye contact, the freakishly large eyes contracted to pin pricks and its ears fell flat.

It gave a small series of whinnies, but otherwise remained silent.

The two of them stood there like that, Troy standing tall with his arms crossed with the equine warming his shins. After a second the tiny horse blinked and removed its posterior with what could only be described as a sheepish look and... it was blushing?

How do you even... No, screw it. Don’t care anymore.

While the sudden movement had been a bit startling they were soon back in familiar territory, awkward silence.

“Uh, hi.”

Troy mentally winced at his lame attempt at an icebreaker, accompanied by a short stiff wave. To his astonishment the overgrown muppet returned the gesture.

“Sooooo, stupid question here. Can you understand what I’m saying or is that unreasonably optimistic?”

His efforts were received with nothing but a cocked head and confused expression.

“Thought so, just checking.”

The hiker soon began the same procedure of identifying himself by name as he had done with the smaller ponies, complete with chest pounding and finger pointing. After a few exaggerated arm sweeps in its direction the equine realized it was the cue to introduce itself.

Herself.

The young man mentally corrected. It didn’t really feel right referring to her as an it, and he had gotten a rather obvious hint to her gender a moment ago. He felt his face warm a little at that thought, but manually returned his focus to the mare.

He raised an eye when she seemed to clear her throat and take a deep breath before rattling off a ridiculously long number of syllables. After she was done she looked up and beamed a brilliant smile in his direction.

Troy just blinked before giving the only response he could think of in the time frame available.

“What?”

The lavender mare’s smile dropped before she smacked herself in the face in a fashion that struck the hiker as very reminiscent of the facepalm. Though he suspected it hurt quite a bit more given the whole hoof factor. He was honestly surprised by the range of motion the equine appeared to have with its front legs, they had to have ball socket joints in the shoulder. Another rather eerie parallel to human anatomy.

First the enlarged brain, now socket joints. What else do we have in common?

Before he could ponder that mystery any further the purple one was gearing up for second attempt. Going through the whole wind‐up with the clearing of the throat and everything, she let out another cascade of gibberish, though this time much more manageable.

Troy began his attempt to replicate it before he was interrupted by the purple pony who was waving her front legs and shaking her head.

He was wondering if he had accidentally insulted his ‘guest’ by mispronouncing her name, but apparently that wasn’t the case as she repeated the last part, making sure to put a lot of emphasis on it.

Troy returned to butchering the new language that these beings spoke as he sort of managed to get her name recognizable at least. If one strained the definition of ‘recognizable’, but the pony counted it as a success if the way she was smiling was any way to judge.

If that last bit was her name then what was all that other crap? She some kind of noble or was that just some kind of formal introduction?

Once again, awkward silence settled in like it was renting the room.

The two could only stand there desperately trying to conjure up a form of communication that they could both understand.

Suddenly the pony’s face lit up with a smile.

Troy unconsciously moved a step back, it was unnerving how this horse could suddenly seem so human. He was roused from thoughts as his new acquaintance's horn began to glow. Troy, not knowing what to expect, shifted to a lower stance and rested his hand on the hilt of his knife. He didn’t know what the small unicorn was doing, but it never hurt to be cautious.

Though it would appear that his caution was unwarranted as a small figurine appeared to jump out of the pony’s horn. Then another. And then another.

Troy had to admit out of all the things he had expected to happen, this was not one of them.

Still, now that he thought about it, a unicorn giving him a most impressive display that would put any puppeteer to shame wasn’t the worst thing to happen to him. One of the stranger instances granted, but not unpleasantly so, which is a nice change of pace. No risk of disembowelment whatsoever. Wait a second...

...I know those colors.

The three little figurines had the exact same coloration of the fillies that had stayed the night a while back. Was that the reason she came out all this way? She hadn’t tried to hide her presence, so maybe he was in the clear.

After a few more purple flashes there were replicas of the wooden wolves he had faced and the fillies were in a small tree, guarded by a little figurine of Troy. Seeing himself as an animated doll was a little surreal, but if anything that would describe his last two days perfectly.

Surreal.

The tiny (and somewhat adorable) timberwolves attacked and one cartoonish fight scene later, Troy’s avatar stood triumphant, striking a pose with one foot on top of the head of a fallen enemy.

Once the scene was finished the pony pointed to the enchanted figurine then to Troy and back again before tilting her head quizzically.

Not wanting to keep his guest waiting, the wayward hiker pointed to himself and nodded his head. Hoping against hope that his gestures would cross the verbal boundary he now faced. The expressions that these ponies had were strikingly similar to human ones, perhaps this was the same?

Judging by the smile plastered on the pony’s face he felt it was safe to assume so for now. Crouching, he began to examine the tiny stringless marionettes that continued to skitter around on the floor. They were difficult to describe, they almost looked like they were made of glass. He reached out to feel one, and suddenly it felt like he had managed to stick his entire hand in an electrical socket.

He cried out in pain and reeled backwards, only to realize that there wasn’t any support underneath his foot.

Oh, right. The balcony.

On mostly instinct he grabbed at the ledge of the tower. Before he had any time to process his suddenly precarious situation, one of the bricks not used to bearing so much torque, came loose, leaving Troy to dangle by a single arm.

As he struggled to regain his grip on the tower, the purple pony rushed to him and reached out a hoof which Troy accepted with rabid appreciation. Though he was still struggling to pull himself back into the tower.

He became suddenly aware of a light tugging under his armpits, like someone was trying to lift him up. Turning his head he could see a cyan blue pegasus trying to help, though judging by the way the wings were erratically flapping, the winged pony was having trouble. Still, he was close to being able to lever himself back into the castle tower, he just needed a little more...

At this moment the cobblestone that had been serving as Troy’s handhold decided it had spent too long cemented in one place and promptly detached from the tower. Which seemed to be a popular notion amongst the local rock population, as most of the bricks from what had used to be the balcony area quickly follow suit. Sending the purple mare over the edge with the human.

Soon, Troy and the mare were plummeting towards the ground while the blue pegasus still valiantly tried to halt their descent, though with little result. Troy barely had time to register the feeling of the purple pony wrenching its hoof out of his grasp before he was blinded by a sudden flash of light. Looking around he confirmed that both the mare was gone and the ground was still rushing to meet him and say hi.

He heard some shouting and a loud explosion followed by a heavy sounding slam, it also felt like the pegasus was pulling him to the side. Of course he was aware of this in a similar fashion to how someone in a hurricane is aware that their hat had gone missing. Ultimately the hiker turned unintentional base jumper was long past the point of caring. He closed his eyes to enjoy watching his life flash before his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Falling doesn’t kill you, it’s that sudden bit at the end where you stop falling that does the trick.”

—Himalayan proverb (paraphrased)

AN: I can almost hear my editor frothing at the mouth from here, only gave him enough time for one round of edits. I got almost everything in order with my prereaders so I thought I could push this out the door a little early. If we missed any error bunnies you guys tend pick them out right quick. You've waited long enough.

Till next time, I think my editor is trying to strangle me through my computer screen.

And yes. Another cliffhanger. Sorry, it was this or update next month.

Mediations Managed

Chapter 10

Mediations Managed

Edited by: CosmicAfro
Preread by: Neko- and Onederman

Twilight tumbled through the air, gripped by panic. She was falling with the creature she had come to make peace with. She could still see Rainbow valiantly struggling to slow its descent, but try as she might it wasn’t doing much.

Why’d it have to turn out like this?!

The unicorn turned her attention to the approaching ground with alarm. If she didn’t do something, they all would be in huge trouble!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few moments ago.

As Twilight’s brain rebooted she became aware of two things:

The creature had made no move to attack, and was still standing patiently.

Her rump was firmly pressed up against its legs.

She practically threw herself forward as the second point became apparent. A heavy blush adorned the unicorn’s face as she regained her footing, all the while silently praying to Celestia that the creature didn’t know the usual meaning of such an action. Or that it didn’t misinterpret it as something else.

The creature for its part only shuffled and gave no indication it had done either. After a short moment it made bleat of sound and waved, which she returned more out of habit than conscious thought. It was odd how its mannerisms seemed to mimic that of a pony at random intervals, without any rhyme or reason that she could discern.

Strange sounds emanated from the creature’s mouth, bringing a welcome distraction. She listened intently as the foreign syllables poured forth. The sounds themselves were like that of a chittering monkey, but to compare the two would like comparing a foal’s hoof painting to the portraits that adorned the halls of Canterlot. While apes and other simians made similar noises, they tended to be wild, erratic, and relatively simple. When this creature spoke, there was notable complexity with obvious structure and cohesion.

She noticed there was a slight tonal shift before it stopped talking.

Twilight tilted her head in confusion, before realizing that it had probably either made a statement or more likely had asked a question.

It muttered something with obvious disappointment. She noted a large number of separate sounds or “phrases”. It seemed similar to Zebrican in that regard, rather than relying on the shifts in pitch that normal Equestrian utilized. It was similar to the first time she had heard Zecora speak in her native tongue.

Zecora!

Twilight restrained herself from facehoofing. She should have brought her from the start; even if she hadn’t encountered this creature before, the sagely zebra would probably have an idea at least how to bridge the lingual gap.

Just as she was coming out of her reverie she noticed the creature was patting it’s chest and saying something. It then motioned to her, then again. The Cutie Mark Crusaders tale came to the forefront of the mare’s mind. It was her turn to introduce herself. She took a moment to gather her composure and cleared her throat. Placing a hoof on her chest she began her greeting.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle. Protégé of Princess Celestia. It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

Her response was a confused look, followed by a blink and a grunt.

This time she did actually facehoof. She needed to use small words. She had no hope of creating any kind of understanding otherwise.

She drew a calming breath before she continued. “Sorry about that, my name is Twilight Sparkle.”

“...Swoowy abdoot taght mai name‐”

“NO! No, just Twilight Sparkle. Twilight. Sparkle.”

Even after that little hiccup the mare was able to get her new acquaintance to say her name, she was making progress. Even if the end result was horribly mangled into Twilik Carbunkle. Still, absurdly close considering the differences in their morphology.

Twilight smiled as she found herself fascinated with every little detail she could pick out, from the shape of the nose to the pronounced chin. Several minutes went by before she realised the creature was looking at her with what she assumed was an expectant look.

She pondered her options; she had more or less exhausted any dialogue they could have at the moment. It was unlikely she would be able to convey anything meaningful, as just saying each other's names was difficult enough.

Now she wished she had brought Pinkie. She would have probably found a way to teach the creature how to speak perfect Equestrian with a few rounds of charades and a puppet show.

Hmmm, puppets...

The thought brought back memories of a spell Twilight had used as a filly. It was perfect.

She gritted her teeth as she weaved her spell. Out of the corner of her eye she could see one of the creature’s lanky appendages went to what she could assume was a knife of some sort. It also changed its footing into what she guessed was a more guarded stance.

Wasting no time, she let the mental constructs erupt from her horn and let them prance about on the floor. After the first two of her magical marionettes materialized the creature returned to a more neutral pose.

Soon the little magical dolls of the crusaders were prancing about on the floor. She tried to see if it showed any signs of recognition. However, while some gestures were rather obvious, the more subtle expressions seemed to be more difficult to pick out. Though one would think that it would remember its most recent visitors, being alone in the forest and all.

A sudden realization struck Twilight: she had made the assumption that it was alone.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders said they had seen only one, but that didn’t mean it was the only creature of its kind in the vicinity. There was even the possibility she was addressing the wrong creature.

But how to ascertain its identity?

Her eyes were drawn to the dolls on the floor.

Oh well, worth a shot.

After a few more hastily made constructs she set about recreating the encounter with the Timberwolves the Cutie Mark Crusaders had described, albeit with much less gore.

After the fight had concluded, she gestured to the creature who in turn confirmed her suspicions. While this was great news, she wondered if there were any more of its kind nearby or if it was all on its own. And if so, why settle in the Everfree? She was so engrossed in her own mind she nearly missed the creature examining one of her constructs.

She directed the puppet closer and smiled as the mystery creature examined it from multiple angles.

What would happen next would shock Twilight beyond words. The creature reached out and touched the doll. While the act itself would not be considered all that surprising, what the creature’s touch DID certainly was.

The moment it came into contact with the construct, the purple mare could feel the entire structure of her spell violently yanked from existence and the remaining magic seemed to vanish.

The creature reeled back and shrieked in what was unmistakably agony.

Twilight could only blink uncomprehendingly.

What?

Her mind couldn’t seem to grasp what had just happened. Even when she saw the creature tumble out from where it was likely a balcony had once been, she was only partially roused from her confusion as she charged to give aid.

What?!

As a brick came lose and the creature dangled by a lone appendage she still couldn’t shake her utter incomprehension of the situation. She reached out her hoof, which it latched on to quite readily. She barely noticed that Rainbow had broken cover to aid in her rescue attempt.

WHAT?!

What had the purple librarian so baffled, so flummoxed was the sheer absurdity of what had just happened.

The creature didn’t dispel the doll.

It didn’t crush its form.

It didn’t do anything except touch it.

And yet it destroyed, no, annihilated the spell entirely.

No, not the spell, the magic itself had been destroyed.

You couldn’t do that.

You simply couldn’t do that.

Magic was one of the most powerful forces in the universe, more than that, it was part of reality on the same scale as gravity. It was malleable energy, lending its power to the will of others given the right technique.

Even simple spells could be likened to complex knots holding down a coiled spring.

But it was like this creature’s touch denied this fundamental rule of reality. This law that held the world together. It hadn’t undone the knot or cut the string, instead it turned the spring to rust. No, less than rust, ash.

There was no counter‐spell, no protective aura, nothing that her rational mind could latch on to. One thing echoed through the young mare’s mind.

It can’t do that.

It defied one of the most fundamental physical laws, that matter and energy cannot be destroyed or created, only changed.

It was only when she felt the ground shifting beneath her that Twilight found herself pulled from the interiors of her own panicking mind. She tumbled forward and realized the stones beneath her hooves had come free, throwing the creature and herself to the wind.

She tried to form a teleport spell to save Rainbow, herself, and this brand new creature to the eyes of Equestria. But it was as if her magic had turned to oil, the structures had no solidity and every spell seemed to slip from her grasp.

It then struck her like a runaway train.

It’s the creature.

She only had to turn and look at Rainbow Dash to confirm her suspicions. She watched one of the strongest and fastest fliers in all of Equestria, if not all of history, flap her wings uselessly as she tried, and failed, to catch the wind beneath them.

She yanked her hoof from the creature’s grip and desperately tried to teleport herself away, this time with much more success.

She reappeared at the base of tower, as she desperately tried to balance her revelation with the immediate situation.

The creature could negate magic in its entirety right down to erasing its existence entirely. No, that couldn’t be right, there had to be more to what was happening. Magic doesn’t just disappear like that, she should know better than to jump to conclusions. But for now, how could she stop its fall without magic?

If she transformed a boulder into a mattress it would just turn back into a stone at the moment of impact. If she tried to catch it with her magic it would do nothing. She looked around for anything she could use, a soft pile of leaves, a mound of dirt, she would settle for anything at this point. Her eyes eventually came to rest on the bridge the creature had built, and a wild spark of idea formed in her mind.

“Rainbow!” She called out. “Rainbow, over here!”

Once she was certain she had her friend’s attention she went to work. Summoning her magic she focused on the air around her and sent it skyward in a massive vortex. She had to work quickly, if what she suspected was correct, the tornado wouldn’t last long. The air itself wasn’t part of the spell, so it would be effective, but a short blast of air would only slow them down so much. Probably not enough to avoid injury but enough to buy her some time.

She quickly yanked the vines from the tower and began braiding them rapidly into a makeshift net, and tied the ends around a large stone pillar in the courtyard. The pillar and tower now looked very much like a mismatched volleyball net. All it needed was one final touch, she blasted the marble pylon with her magic, collapsing the stone pillar and very nearly missing a lone well in the middle of the courtyard.

Not what she would call ideal, but given the circumstances it would have to do.

With a final sputter the tornado released Rainbow Dash and the creature, dropping them towards the newly made net with the prismatic pony doing her best to guide the both of them, barely keeping the two of them from freefall. As they neared the ground she dropped her burden into the waiting embrace of the vines, shooting upward as her wing strokes suddenly became effective once more. The creature bounced once and yelped in surprise as it flailed about in the air before landing on the ground.

Twilight gave a sigh of relief as she saw the creature stir.

I never would have thought all that time spent playing cat’s cradle with Cadence would ever save somepony’s life.

“Ohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmygoodness.” The librarian turned to see a familiar yellow pegasus moments before she was enveloped in a soft and sudden hug.

“Twilight, are you ok? Please tell me you’re ok. When we saw you fall from that tower I was so worried. And‐” Twilight returned the hug and earned a small squeak in the process.

“I’m fine, Fluttershy.” The librarian was smiling, though the expression was quickly replaced with a look of concern as she turned to her previously plummeting companion. “Though honestly, I’m more worried about our new friend over there.” She motioned to where the creature was, it hadn’t raised itself up and while it was upright, it was bent over with its legs tucked beneath it with its head on the ground and its back in the air.

“Oh! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,” Fluttershy whispered, carefully approaching the creature’s position, her shyness overridden by her caring nature.

It was hunched over, holding one of its strange paws close to its chest. Its breath came in shrill hisses as it slowly straightened itself to an upright position, but didn’t try to stand. Twilight winced when she saw a few errant drops of blood fall from its forepaw.

As Fluttershy moved to get a better look at the injury, the newly christened patient drew back giving her a wary look. However, it only took a few nuzzles on its uninjured hand to allow the pegasus an unhindered view of the damages. Blood flowed from a few scrapes and gashes while some smaller rocks were actually embedded in the skin itself.

“Oh dear, that doesn't look good,” the yellow mare remarked as she examined the various wounds.

“How bad is it?” Twilight asked as she approached.

“It may not be serious yet, but if this goes untreated the poor dear could have a serious infection later on.”

“What do we need?”

“Oh, uh. Well, bandages, tweezers and disinfectant would be fine for now, I think.”

“You mean like this stuff?”

The two mares and the creature all jumped at the sudden appearance of a pink pony wielding a large white box adorned with a red cross.

“Pinkie, where did you get that in the middle of the Everfree Forest?”

“Silly Twilight, I have first aid kits stashed all over Equestria in case of medical emergencies.”

The librarian opened her mouth to say something, but opted instead to simply relish the fact her friend’s sudden appearance hadn’t startled the creature too badly and had brought medical supplies to boot.

Fluttershy wasted no time, quickly removing the supplies needed from the large metal container. Soon she was engrossed in caring for the creature’s injured paw, expertly manipulating the tweezers with her mouth.

The creature sat and allowed the impromptu medic access to its appendage, though it vocalized its pain as the tweezers removed rocks from its paw.

The pained grumbles that emanated from the patient did not go unnoticed as a small and nearly inaudible eep accompanied each wince that signified one less bit of gravel embedded in the skin.

“Twilight!”

The mare in question perked up at the sound of her name. She could see Applejack waving from atop the slowly descending cloud that still held a faint blue glow. She could see Rainbow Dash pushing the cloud with ease as the fluffy platform was brought to ground level. As Rarity came into view it was clear she was becoming a bit worn down with a few beads of sweat dotting her fur. Despite this she was talking rather animatedly with Rainbow Dash, assuring that ‘yes darling, I’m certain it was quite heavy.’

Twilight’s eyes darted from the pair to the approaching Applejack, who looked quite relieved at her friend’s uninjured status.

“Sheesh Twilight, yah gave us all quite a scare when yah fell out that window. It’s a good thing Dash was quick on the draw.”

“Definitely, things could have gone horribly if she hadn’t steered the Subject into the net.”

The cowpony raised an eyebrow at the moniker. “The Subject?”

Twilight nodded, “We can’t keep calling it ‘The Creature’, and it’s a whole new species. The first name I considered was ‘the specimen’, but that sounds like we’re referring to a sample of rock or soil.” The mare’s expression turned a little sheepish. “Also it’s a little too impersonal for casual conversation, so ‘the Subject’ will have do for now.”

Applejack gave a nod before tilting her head to better examine the braided ladder that had acted as an impromptu safety net.

“Fancy work, though Ah’m wondering why yah didn’t just catch the critter. We both know that thing on your forehead ain't just for show,” the farm mare commented, giving the horn a poke or two with her hoof. Twilight’s face adopted a look of concern despite her friend's jovial tone.

“I would have, but that wouldn’t have worked.”

“What wouldn’t have worked, dear?” Rarity queried, approaching with Dash in tow, though the latter was carrying a fairly large rock between her hooves. Twilight raised an eyebrow at her fashionista friend, whose horn was still glowing.

“Are you all right? I can take over for keeping the cloud condensed, you look like you need a break.”

With a sizable sigh of relief the seamstress let her spell fade, the cloud’s blue glow changing to purple as Twilight took over.

“Thank you darling, that was getting a bit difficult. Now what were you saying wouldn’t work?”

“Magic.” Twilight’s tone as serious as the grave.

That got everypony’s attention. Magic was Twilights special talent, for her magic to not be effective was a mark for concern.

“I’m not entirely sure I follow you, why wouldn’t your magic have worked? I mean performance under stress is one thing but‐”

“The Subject,” Twilight pointed a hoof in the strange creature’s direction. “From what I can tell, it cancels out all magical forces. It’s why Dash couldn’t stop our fall even when we know she can carry four full grown ponies. Her inherent pegasus magic was gone.”

“You know, now that you mention it‐” Rainbow tapped her chin while discarding the rock with her other hoof. “‐I remember feeling like I couldn’t get any wind under my wings. Weird.”

Twilight nodded before continuing, “Any magical force that comes into contact with the Subject is instantly destroyed or dissipated. At the moment I have no idea how, and on top of that it may be that prolonged exposure might have more permanent effects as well.”

She turned and pointed at the creature, “You see what it’s wearing?”

The three nodded, watching as Fluttershy carefully poured peroxide on the Subject’s paw, earning a low drawn out hiss. Its chest was bare of covering however its lower body was covered in in light fitting garment that fitted over its long legs.

“Well, I found what was probably meant to cover the upper portion of its body. The cloth didn’t react to my magic at all even though it wasn’t in contact with the creature at the time and it didn’t appear to be made from any special material.”

Rarity’s eyes widened, the implications finally dawning on her. “That means that even the most powerful unicorn spells would do nothing, and if it touched anything that needs magic to function... it would be like blowing out a candle.”

“Exactly, my shield spell would probably pop like a soap bubble if the Subject even so much as touched it.”

“That’s... a worrisome power indeed.”

“Yeah,” Twilight agreed, though she paused when she recalled the moment it touched the doll both when it and the spell had disappeared. It had cried out and reeled away. Maybe ignoring physics wasn’t as painless as she had first assumed.

The two unicorns creased their brows as the possibilities made themselves known. This creature was becoming more inherently dangerous with every discovery they made. They were so engrossed with their own concerns that they almost didn’t hear the light fluttering of wings that announced Fluttershy’s presence.

“Um...” was all they got from the pegasus to draw their attention to her. Fortunately being used to the low volume nature of their friend it was enough to let them know she was finished treating the newly dubbed ‘Subject’.

“So, how is our new... friend?” Rarity inquired.

“Oh, he seems fine now. His hand will probably be sore for a little while, but he should be better in about a week.”

Twilight’s ear twitched at ‘hand’. She was sure she knew that term from somewhere, but from what? And why did it make her think of minotaurs? Most of the others simply looked on with confusion.

“Um, his whatnow?” Rainbow asked as eloquently as she was capable of.

“Ah’ve heard of ‘lending a helping hand,” Applejack interjected “and ‘having your hands full’ but Ah thought that was just a figure of speech.”

“Actually,” Fluttershy replied, “those figures of speech came from minotaurs, they have hands too. Though they only have three fingers and a thumb on each hand.” She turned to look at her recently released patient as he flexed his hand. He gave a little twitch whenever a lance of pain struck his injured appendage, but other than that didn’t seem to be having too much trouble with it. “This has four fingers and a thumb on each hand,” Fluttershy continued. “They’re also a lot slimmer than a minotaurs.”

“OH, I remember now, it was in A Complete Guide to Carpals. I knew I had heard of that term somewhere,” Twilight remarked with a hint of nostalgia. She remembered reading that particular book in the Canterlot library. She had seen the drawings of the large grippers that the minotaurs sported. Maybe the difference in size had kept her making the connection, of course it had been quite a while she had read that particular book. Maybe it was time for a review. Wait... Twilight looked to Fluttershy. “But where did you learn all that?”

“Oh, I um..” The canary mare was surprised by the question and floundered a bit before regaining her composure. “I asked a minotaur I met about them.” She turned to better address Pinkie Pie and Rarity. “Do you remember Iron Will?”

Pinkie perked an ear in recognition which was quickly followed by a smile and a nod. Meanwhile Rarity’s face betrayed her surprise. “HIM? Well now that you mention it, I do suppose he did have something similar. But when exactly did that topic come up?”

Fluttershy pawed at a bit of dirt as she replied, “I was curious, I hadn’t seen anything like it before, the closest in comparison were Spike’s claws. So after one of our sessions I just kind of... asked.”

Rarity blinked before replying with a most refined. “Oh.”

“Wait, Iron who?” Rainbow Dash asked, not happy that she was apparently out of the loop.

“Long story, dear, I’ll tell you later.” Dash grumbled at Rarity’s response and pouted, hovering in place.

“Enough about that!” Pinkie energetically cried out, “What are we going to do with our Super‐awesome‐special‐shiny‐spectacularific new friend? Make smores? Dance? Play charades? Ohh, I’m so excited!” At the end of her exclamation she began to bounce up and down in anticipation.

Twilight gave a small laugh before answering. “Not quite, Pinkie, but you’re close.” Twilight broke a twig off a nearby tree with her magic and began making a map in the dirt with it; she drew trees, prominent landmarks, and everything she could think of to keep the map as accurate as possible.

“Oooh, I see, Pictionary!” Pinkie cried in revelation. “Neato burrito!”

Twilight could only smile while she rolled her eyes before approaching the Subject who had taken a seat on a rock not too far away. It was looking at the cloud platform they had brought to ground level then to her, specifically her horn as it cast the same purple glow as the cloud. Then its eyes drifted to her friends as they talked amongst themselves before returning to her.

It gave her a look that she couldn’t quite place. The Subject had such small eyes it was rather difficult to gauge subtle emotion. It mumbled something under its breath and looked away but otherwise took no action.

Twilight could only hope she hadn’t offended it in some way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy watched idly as the six oddly colored ponies chatted, trying his best to decipher what had just happened.

First he had been in the tower where everything had gone better than expected, the pony had been nice and everything had been going great, there even was a puppet show. Everything went downhill from there. When he had tried to touch one of the puppets he felt like he just shook hands with a cattle prod. Immediately afterward he very nearly fell out a hole in the wall that had once been a door to a balcony. Then he DID fall out an opening that had once been a balcony. Despite the pony and her colorful compatriots best efforts to the contrary.

Then his life flashed before his eyes, right before he landed on a volleyball net made of vines. Though on closer inspection it appeared to be a giant Cat’s Cradle.

He felt as though he should feel something about being saved with a children’s game usually played with bits of string. But between what he guessed was shock and the fact he was probably acclimating to the weird shit this universe seemed to throw his way, all he really felt was the intense desire to lie down and sleep until all this strangeness left of its own accord.

After that he had hurt his hand which was attended to by a tiny pegasus who seemed to have uncanny medical expertise for someone lacking hands. Flexing his own injured appendage he was impressed with the bandages, they didn’t constrict blood flow or restrict movement. While it was usable, his hand probably wouldn't be able to weather sustained or strenuous use.

The pony that had bandaged his hand was talking to the purple one and several other ponies he had noticed when he was being treated. However, what caught his attention was their method of transport, namely a GIANT PURPLE GLOWING CLOUD. Though it had arrived as a giant BLUE glowing cloud. Talk about making an entrance. Though when it was being flown down by a blue pegasus it was a rather interesting sight to see.

Still the color change was odd.

He looked from the purple cloud to the purple pony, hamster wheels spinning furiously as the connections started to form. Again to the cloud and then to the pony, taking note of the glowing horn. Also purple.

Question answered, the color came from the glowy sparkly stuff from the horn which helps control the cloud? It had seemed that the ones with wings did the majority of the steering. And magic, that was definitely a thing going on here. As much as those questions intrigued him, a rather prominent alternate train of thought took their places: If they had all come together, why had only one of the ponies come a rap tap tapping on his chamber door? Why that pony in particular and not a single one more?

He could only guess that they were her backup in case things didn’t go the way they wanted, but at the same time wouldn’t sour negotiations.

He watched as the miniature lavender unicorn finished conversing with the other implausibly colored equines after which she promptly turned around and began trotting toward him. It seemed that she had planned things out thus far so he would greet the group favorably.

“Clever girl,” he mumbled, reevaluating the pony’s guile.

While the deception was a logical one and ultimately for the best, he felt it was best to consider every possibility. While it seemed unlikely that their goal was to kill him, saving somebody's life is a quick way to gain their trust. He played the scenario over in his mind, looking back it was possible that the whole thing had been orchestrated in order to put him in their debt.

However, It was unlikely to the point of being a non‐factor. It was the way he had approached that had put him near the opening, and he had taken down the balcony himself. On top of that, when that puppet had zapped him it didn’t push him away, he jerked back on his own. Besides all of that, the look of incomprehension and panic on the face of the pony before him back in that tower when she hooked her hoof in his hand in an attempt to save him was not something that could be easily faked.

As it stood, even if everything that had happened was part of some plot to get in his good graces it held no benefit to him at the moment to spurn their attempts at diplomacy. Either way, even if it was their doing, it was best to pretend to have fallen for the plan hook line and sinker, and if it wasn’t some kind of scheme then his suspicion was unwarranted and everything would be fine regardless.

He watched the pony draw out a map of what he could presume was the immediate area, liberally adding details and landmarks. After adding some plains and mountains to the landscape she scrawled a miniature run down castle in the middle of the forest. After that, a small tree hut near the border of the forest and plains.

Guessing it belongs to that zebra from before.

More structures were drawn in the empty fields showing a moderately sized village, a farm and what looked like a home that had been dug out of a hill under a tree.

Troy recognized most of the buildings and waited for... whatever it was the pony wanted.

After the unicorn was satisfied with her map, she summoned several green halos around the hut in the forest, the underground cottage and the farm along with small humanoid figurines. She seemed to strain as she multitasked until the unicorn with curly hair stepped in and the cloud took on a blue color. The purple one presumably gave a word of thanks before turning back to the map.

She put her hoof to her chin in a surprisingly human gesture, and after a moment of silent contemplation her horn briefly flashed and a large red X appeared over the village. The intent was plain as day, she was marking the safe areas he could travel to, and outlining the areas that were dangerous or possibly forbidden.

The young man nodded to show his understanding and pointed to the areas marked with green. When the unicorn nodded back he knew she understood as well.

Then she created a tiny crystalline sun and moon; after a brief look to check the sun’s current position as it approached dusk, she moved her miniature to correspond with its larger twin.

Then she rotated the model sun and moon, allowing the orange orb to dip below the model mountains and raising the light blue sphere to take its place, then letting it travel over the town and forest for the sun to rise again. She repeated it a second time with the tiny sun setting and the moon traversing the simulated sky before finally giving away to sunrise. However the small sun hung fast at high noon and the purple unicorn created a miniature figurine of herself and walked it to the crumbled castle.

From what it appeared she was telling him she would be back the day after tomorrow. He nodded again.

Apparently satisfied the pony turned and sauntered back to her companions and the giant blue cloud. The orange pony with the hat had a few hushed comments for her friend, but after what seemed like reassuring words she let the matter drop. Whatever it was.

The group waved goodbye as they boarded the blue cloud and after a moment were carried into the sky. Soon two pegasi pushed the fluffy platform beyond the treeline and out of sight.

Troy sat down and attempted to comprehend what had just happened. In essence he supposed that he had just made, more or less, a playdate with a purple unicorn for the day after tomorrow. In a crumbling castle that he had found only after running into a rather effeminate sea serpent, after outsmarting a Manticore, and all before this he had to make what was certain to be a new land speed record running from a cave filled to the brim with Apocalyptic amounts of NOPE.

“Huh.”

All things considered the hiker felt he was taking things rather well.

At least now he knew this wasn’t a hallucination. No way something like this could be the product of his mind. He wasn’t nearly that imaginative. Or was he? Nah. At this point, second guessing himself held no benefit.

Troy headed back inside the castle, mentally assembling his to‐do list.

Go upstairs and get my stuff to somewhere that isn't a crumbling tower.

Plug that hole in the wall.

Deal with the Chicken‐lizard thing

Dinner.

Sleep.

As he entered the crumbling castle he spotted his handmade bow in the corner. After a moment of contemplation he shrugged and walked over to piece of wood and sinew and picked it up. He gave it a test pull, it was a little loose and his left hand tweaked with discomfort on the bow’s grip. He took another look at the bandage, he was still surprised at the small pegasus’s medical skill, the bandage didn’t restrict his hand’s movement at all.

He turned his attention back to the bow, he gave another tug and immediately found the source of tension loss. A large crack ran through the center of the bow not only making it useless, but dangerous at the same time.

The hiker sighed and tossed the bow back to the corner from whence it came without ceremony. He didn’t know when it happened, but it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Even if he knew some of the basic ideas behind making a bow, being able to make a functional bow right now was beyond him. He had no way to treat the wood or preserve the sinew that served as the bowstring. Anything he could make would last a week at the very most, and would not respond well to continuous use or be able to survive being used with anything but the utmost care.

Trudging up the steps was a chore as his spirit was dampened by the loss of the weapon. After reaching the top he retrieved his pack from the wardrobe and began the process of pushing the massive piece of furniture against the hole in the wall.

Some grunting and cursing later the wardrobe was shifted far enough to block anyone from falling out accidentally.

He removed the chicken‐lizard thing from the desk, he entertained the idea of a nice chicken dinner, though after a moment he shook his head. He knew reptiles had all kinds of bacteria, on top of which he hadn’t exactly been gentle with his dissection. While it was possible he could clean it in theory, he had no intention to risk it. He attached the carcass to his belt with a few errant cords and began fishing for his MP3 player. It had been one hell of a day and he wanted something to take his mind off of this bizarre situation he had found himself thrust into. He turned the small device on and thumbed it to shuffle.

“I wonder if we’ll ever be put into songs or tales.”

“What?”

Troy frowned when instead of music from his music player two familiar voices piped up instead.

“I wonder if people will ever say, let’s hear about Frodo and the ring. And they’ll say, yes it’s one of my favorite stories.”

Suddenly he remembered, his friend had ripped a song from Youtube and gave it to him. Of course it had this extra audio before it started up, and the young hiker found himself smiling at the irony of an unintended adventurer taking his mind off his troubles by listening to two other unintended adventurers. Or at least he thought it was ironic.

“Frodo was really courageous wasn’t he dad?”

“Yes my boy, the most famousest of hobbits, and that's saying a lot.”

He began to bob his head in time with the music as it kicked in..

“Well you’ve left out one of the chief characters, Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam.”

He walked down the steps towards the main entryway, singing along with the song in his earbuds.

“There’s a road calling you to stray.
Step by step pulling you away.
Under moon and star.
Take the road no matter how far.

“Where it leads no one ever knows.
Don’t look back follow where it goes.
Far beyond the sun.
Take the road wherever it runs.

“The road goes oooooon ever ever on.
Hill by hill, mile by mile.
Field by field, stile by stile.
The road goes oooooon, ever ever on. The road goes on.”

As he reached the bottom of the steps, a chorus began singing in the background.

Mountain, and valley, and pasture and meadow.
Stretching, unending, for mile after mile.
Fenland and moorland and shoreline and canyon.
Bordered by hurdle and hedgerow and stile.

“The road goes oooooon, ever ever on.
Moor by Moor, glen by glen.
Vale by vale, fen by fen.”
The road goes ooooon, ever ever on.”

“One more mile then it’s time to eat.
Pick some pears, succulent and sweet.
To the farthest shore.
Take the road, a hundred miles more.”

The young hiker grinned as he set aside his bag and began to lay out his sleeping bag. This song always put him in a good mood.

Sweet pink trout tickled from the stream.
Milk a goat churn it into cream.
Far beyond the sun.
Take the road, wherever it runs.

See the road flow past your doorstep calling for your feet to stray.
Like a deep and rolling river, it will sweep them far away.

Troy paused, his smile faltering as the song’s lyrics continued.

Just beyond the far horizon, lies a waiting world unknown.
Like the dawn its beauty beckons with a wonder all its own.

He stopped and looked out of one of the large windows at the sunset as the song mellowed out into elvish singing and he began to wonder. He had never, even once, considered exploring or searching for anything that wasn’t directly related to surviving or finding a way to determine his location. So much misfortune had befallen him, so much danger lurked around every corner, he had acted as reasonably as he could to an unreasonable situation.

However, only now the fog started to clear, this was an unknown land far beyond the reach of humanity. Well, perhaps not too far, he had made it here after all. Though as it stood, it appeared he was the first one to come to this place, any road he could take would be a first for his entire species. All the same he felt saddened. He had no idea if he could return home, even if it was possible he didn’t have a clue where to begin.

But this place...

This place held wonders beyond imagining, monsters ripped from the pages of the strangest of fantasies. Who knew what would pop up next? What wonders awaited his discovery? What beautiful vistas never before seen by human eyes waited beyond the horizon? Before, he had been born too late to explore the world, and too early to explore the stars. But here? The possibilities were endless.

And what’s more, he had found allies.

Maybe only for now, but those ponies were on his side, and he had a road to follow. He had a direction. He fought to keep his emotions in check as they swelled with the music. And for a little while and a little bit, he felt excited. And just maybe a glimmer of hope.

Mountain, and valley, and pasture and meadow.
Stretching, unending, for mile after mile.
Fenland and moorland and shoreline and canyon.
Bordered by hurdle and hedgerow and stile.

Soon the song began to fade, and the two hobbits began to talk once more.

“This is it.”

“This is what?”

“If I take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.”

For a moment Troy felt a ping of solidarity with the hobbit, the uneasiness of stepping into the unknown. And the wish to be able to see his home just by looking over his shoulder.

“Come on Sam.”

He smirked, much like his hobbit counterpart, he had such a large world to explore. And strangely enough, he was starting to look forward to it.

“Remember what Bilbo used to say.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s a dangerous business Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

—Bilbo Baggins

Sidetracks and Gametrails

Chapter 11

Sidetracks and Game Trails

(edited by CosmicAfro and Neko-)

"No." One of many books was flung to the side, landing in a haphazard pile of its peers.

"Twilight." Spike picked up a book from the pile.

"No."

"It's getting late." He tapped her withers and grunted at the utter lack of response he received.

"No."

"Twilight!" he screamed.

"Gah!" Her study trance was shattered and more out of surprise than anger rounded on her assistant and yelled a very demanding "What!?", as she looked up from a large pile of reading material that she had been perusing, next to one equally large pile. With one another stack to the far side of the library that consisted of a paltry five books.

“It’s almost midnight Twi, if you don’t get some rest you won’t be ready to do... Whatever it is you’re going to do when you see that thing again.”

Twilight could only let out a sigh that was comprised of equal parts exhaustion and exasperation.

“Spike, I need to try to find as much relevant information on the Subject as I can. I have only a day to study anything I actually find.”

“Hey, with the slim pickings we’ve got so far, I think you could probably breeze through these in a couple of hours,” Spike remarked as he picked up the smaller stack, most of the books weren't that hefty, barely three hundred pages a piece.

Retrieving the book she had been checking from the floor, she returned it to the pile of hardcovers she was still working on with a tired sigh. The pile was literally half of the entire library.

In the secondary pile she had checked the glossary of each book, sorting them into two categories. First was “unlikely to have anything of importance”, History and Geography books as well as Encyclopedias and Autobiographies dominated this pile. While the last group could be classified as “may possibly have relevant information”.

This particular pile of books Spike was in the process of transferring to the reading desk. This pile contained a written recounting of the first encounters of the Zebrican tribes, a book on obscure folklore, the bibliography of Loopy 'the Liar' Cursive, a reproduction of a religious text from a very old -and very dead- griffon religion and the only book of notable size: A Complete Guide to Carpals.

“Oh, by the way Twilight, I sent the letter to Celestia like you wanted." The dragon of small stature paused his report when he noticed Twilight's head beginning to bob up and down in the tell tale sign of drowsiness. "I know this is really important, but you need to get some sleep,” Spike pleaded. He watched his caregiver mull his words over, just one more push. “Besides,” he quickly added. “The books aren’t going anywhere and you got a whole day and a half go get ready, you’re going to be fine.”

That seemed to placate her as she belted out a long yawn. “I suppose you’re right, but we’re picking up right where we left of first thing in the morning.”

“After breakfast?” Hope coloring the tone of Spike’s request.

“...After breakfast.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I hope I get breakfast.” Troy grumbled miserably as he tossed and turned in his sleeping bag.

After the whole fiasco with the tower he had barely enough sunlight to catch dinner before going to bed. If a fish the size of a thumb can count as whole meal. The night had not been kind; a severe wind chill had kept any semblance of warmth a fantasy.

The sun began to rise in the east, Troy yanked open his bloodshot peepers and took inventory.

Again.

As it stood, he was completely out of food. It was becoming increasingly apparent that he needed additional sources of nutrition.

Troy mentally weighted his two most prominent options, either explore the castle further or scavenge in the forest. While the castle posed a significantly lower risk, the decrepit nature of what was now his home did not bode well for an unprepared individual. He knew nowhere nearly enough about architecture, archeology, or well, anything of relevance to go about exploring ancient abandoned castles. He’d have to wait for the purple pony to come back, if nothing else to have some backup in case things went sideways. Even then, finding a source of food was a long shot at best. His home had likely been picked clean long ago, or something down there was waiting for him with similar hunger related issues.

So that left exploring the forest, which was full of unknowns, but at least held the tenuous promise that he might recognize something edible. Or something recognized him as edible, whichever came first.

At the thought of food his stomach grumbled, voicing it’s displeasure about the meager offerings of the day before. Maybe he’d be more successful with his fishing endeavors today.

It was only a half hour later that he was sitting on top of a river rock glowering at the offending body of water.

Not one.

Not one single fish was to be found.

Troy regretted not at least attempting to clean the chicken monster from the day before and had to keep himself from going to retrieve it. It was likely rancid by now, and while he had decided to play it safe, he was still going to regret it either way.

Squirming to find an adequate level of comfort on the rock he sat on, he considered his options one last time. He could try to either find something edible either in the castle or the forest. The resources near the castle were drying up fast and what he would be able to find would be meager at best. While the forest wasn’t much better, it was possible he could stumble upon some berry bushes or game.

The hiker gave a hefty sigh before beginning his trek towards the castle interior. His only realistic options were to forage or explore. As it was now, exploring was fairly low on his priorities. Troy strode towards the archway that led to the main hall when something caught his eye. The drawings from the night previous, mapping out buildings and hills and rivers alike.

I wonder what they would think if I showed up for dinner...

That errant thought stopped Troy dead in his tracks. He hadn’t even considered asking the ponies for food. Part of him wished he could ask, but the idea of begging for scraps from anyone he had just met, pony or otherwise, raised some serious problems with his pride. However, starvation was a real possibility in the long run. Sooner or later, he'd probably have to cave. He fixed his gaze on the map, three “safe” spots had been pointed out: the Farm, the Cottage, and the Hut that he had stumbled on before.

A moment of contemplation passed before he smudged out the map with his foot, he’d wait until after the meeting tomorrow at the very least before he started to scrape and beg. He could go hungry for a day or two if worst came to worst.

After getting a clean sweatshirt and checking the straps on the sheaths for his knife and axe he made his way over the bridge, which to his surprise hadn’t lost tension over the night. Instead it seemed to have become sturdier somehow. As he reached the other side of the ravine he gave a cursory glance over the structure and what he saw was unexpected to say the least.

The vines that he had used for the majority of the structure had seemed to spread roots into the ground. On closer inspection he could see small leaves occasionally budding here and there along the stem.

Huh.

That would mean maintenance on the bridge would be markedly easier.

Turning back to the path and carefully treading on his forest trail. He let his gaze dance from treeshadow to treeshadow, searching for the hidden promise of violence. After a few minutes of passing the treeline the hiker noticed something rather disturbing, the forest was quiet. Not unnaturally so, but definitely subdued.

The idea of simply waiting back at the castle for the purple pony suddenly seemed like the very attractive option. However, his stomach demanded he continue his search for sustenance. While he briefly worried about missing the pony if he was waylaid the thought was quickly brushed aside. Getting lost was a very real possibility if he wasn't careful, and in all realistic likelihood, if he couldn’t make it back in a day and a half, it was unlikely he would be in a state to come back at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elsewhere…

Zecora let out a large yawn as she tightened the straps on her saddlebags. Even after all the rest she had yesterday she was still exhausted from the ordeal with the cutie mark crusaders. All that mattered now was the fillies were safe, sound and back in Ponyville where they belonged. All things considered it was well worth the fatigue compared to what could have transpired.

Tossing aside that morbid train of thought she quickly glanced over the interior of her hut one last time. The embers in the fireplace had been extinguished, the shutters closed along with the flue and with a swift kick and a turn of a key she was free to collect her herbs.

Unsuccessfully suppressing another yawn, she made her way deeper into the forest. Though she was thoroughly worn out, her weariness was nowhere near as bad as compared to what she had felt yesterday. She had woken up with a dull ache in her hindquarters she couldn’t quite account for. She was also vaguely aware that Twilight had come over to talk about... something. Though Ms. Sparkle seemed to posses enough presence of mind to postpone whatever it was she wanted. Zecora had slept rather soundly after that.

This morning was definitely better, she still felt fairly drained, but at the very least she could get some work done before nodding off again. As soon as she filled her saddlebags she could go home, fix lunch, eat and go to bed once more.

She set off into the forest, going over the herbs she would need one more time in her mind.

Elderberries for bruises and sprains.
Boswellia sap to ease your pains.
Comfrey leaf for burns and teas.
Colt’s Hoof stem for a cough and wheeze.
Bridle stalks to clear the nose.
And Sparkstar Acorns for when a cold wind blows.

Satisfied she turned on to one of her lesser utilized trails, picking from one area too frequently would damage the plants she needed. Better to cast a wide net and draw from many sources than wipe out each individual resource in turn.

The elderberries were easy enough to find, with their deep red hue quite clear in the mid‐afternoon sun. Boswellia sap was a tad more difficult to collect, it required somepony to deeply score the tree to allow the fragrant sap to bleed out and dry, as it was far too thick to gather by tapping the scrubby tree like a Maple. She’d have to come back tomorrow to collect her prize. It never ceased to amaze Zecora just how many different plants seemed to sprout almost randomly in the forest. She knew that the Boswellia preferred a much more arid climate, usually popping up in the deserts and plains that dotted Zebrica, and yet here one stood. The short little tree could easily be confused for a large bush, but while one would think that a desert dwelling plant would stick out like a sore hoof, it did not. The Boswellia seemed to mesh in perfectly with it’s more temperate brethren.

Zecora let a smile play across her face as she wondered what the academics up in Canterlot or Lusaka would think if they knew how truly odd this forest was. Often she would find plants that would be impossible to grow in the same climate sprouting right next to one another, almost as if the forest was being purposefully contradictory. Shaking her head at the absurdity of the woods she called home she set off in search of some Comfrey. After a bit of searching she was able to locate a small shrub, but it had wilted beyond use and had been grown over by a fern. Giving a small sigh the zebra walked toward a glade that she knew had an abundance of the bush she needed.

Zecora paused, something was off. While birdsong still rung out in the midday sun, it was distant, quiet. The birds of the Everfree were much more flighty than the ones that frequented pony lands. More skittish, more attuned to dangers of the woods.

Something was amiss. Zecora scanned the forest for any sign of danger. When nothing became immediately apparent she carefully began to back up slowly towards a nearby bush. Staying out in the open could be deadly with some of the creatures that stalked the Everfree forest. She quickly turned and charged through the shrubbery, she needed to get back to her hut if‐

KLONK!

Zecora reared out of the brush and on to her rump. She rubbed her forehead as pain pounded through her skull like a heavy drumbeat. What had she run into? Almost immediately a low, pained growl answered her unspoken question. The sound didn’t come from any creature she knew. She quickly gathered her hooves underneath her in preparation of retreat, if she was lucky she would be able to escape before whatever predator she had struck had a chance to retaliate.

However, before the shaman could take a single step she heard something that gave her pause. It was alien to her, strange and unknowable yet plain as day. Speech. The whatever lay behind the bush spoke in a foreign tongue and it’s tone was underscored by severe discomfort. Was there someone else in the forest?

Rising slowly, Zecora stuck her head through the bush. On the other side, what she saw was unlike any manner of creature she had seen before. The stranger lay face down and its long and lanky body was almost completely covered in clothes, odd. It let out another low grumble as it climbed to it’s feet and rose to a quite intimidating height. Zecora found herself in awe of the specimen in front of her. Whatever it was, it was magnificent. Fully upright with a strong posture, her eyes were drawn to the strange appendage on its foreleg as it rubbed the back of its head. It was not unlike what she had seen of Minotaurs and Diamond Dogs. Five individual digits, one more than either of its canine or bovine counterparts she noted, wove their way through the creatures short mane. They were long and thin, portraying dexterity and precision rather than power.

Her trance like wonder was broken as the creature turned its head, its features creased in a menacing glare as its eyes briefly searched before zeroing in on the awestruck shaman. As its gaze settled on her, Zecora felt her wonder transform into unease, but before any misgivings could fully coalesce the glare shifted into a look of surprise or perhaps confusion. It was hard to tell when its eyes were so small. Almost as fast as the expression had appeared, it disappeared leaving an expression she couldn’t decipher in it’s place.

After a moment it bowed and growled out another baffling string of syllables.

Zecora mimicked the motion, “How do you do, I have never before had the pleasure of meeting one such as you.”

The newcomer only let out a few more gargled words followed by a head shake.

The zebrican medicine mare paused for a moment, it seemed it either couldn’t speak in the equestrian tongue or didn’t know how. She pondered the possibilities for a moment and settled for one last try, it was a long shot, but stranger things have happened.

“Je, kuzungumza lugha hii?”

Her Zebrican only got a blank look and a repeat performance complete with vigorous head shaking, earning a wistful sigh from the zebra.

“While it is understanding both of us seeks, it would seem we can’t understand what the other speaks.”

A passive grunt was all she got, and all she had expected.

After that a awkward silence settled upon the two as most topics for the lingually impaired duo had dried up for the moment.

With nothing else to do she turned and continued down the path, those herbs weren’t going to pick themselves after all. Zecora did her best to watch her new acquaintance out of the corner of her eye as she left. It wasn’t to hard, as its size didn’t exactly make for a stealthy profile. She couldn’t help but feel her thoughts drift to where such a thing could hail from. She shrugged the thought off as she pushed past some rather clingy branches and out of sight.

However, her curiosity kept an equally brisk pace and she soon found it at the forefront of her mind again. Surely if such a magnificent beast was known to the world there would have been a massive uproar about the discovery. Every day more of the world was explored and charted, where had this strange being and its kindred sequestered themselves to for all this time?

Zecora’s thoughts were interrupted by a sudden rustling in the brush behind her, as a familiar form plunged through the foliage. Apparently her new companion had decided to follow her, though for what reason she didn’t know. However, it was glaringly apparent that its actions were not motivated by hostility, but rather simple curiosity. It’s movements and overall demeanor was relaxed, subdued, though it did keep a respectful distance. Stopping when she stopped, walking when she walked. While she kept an eye on her not so little tag along, she finally managed to find her herbs. Dotting a small glen were an assortment of Comfrey shrubs of varying sizes.

She pried leaves from the nearest shrubbery and began the process of filling her bags. Not only were the leaves useful for medicinal purposes, but made an excellent tea as well. Or at least she had heard, she imagined it had to be heavily diluted. Comfrey was poisonous in large doses and could cause liver damage to the unwary. Of course, sometimes the key to proper medicine was applying the right amount of poison in the right situation.

She was halfway through her errand when she heard the sound of more leaves being stripped from their branches. To her surprise she saw her companion drop some Comfrey leaves into her bag. Upon noticing her attention he, at least she guessed it was a he, withdrew a step but continued to gather more leaves. Zecora couldn’t help but laugh, she would have never guessed that one day while walking in the woods she would suddenly stumble upon an assistant. Not one to turn away help, she soon had all the Comfrey leaves she could conceivably need.

As she prepared to head to the next grove of herbs she cast an appraising glance over her new friend. He hadn’t made any indication that he would continue to follow her, but the attention he gave her seemed to indicate he wanted something. Or maybe say something, it was difficult to tell with those tiny eyes. Soon she found herself getting lost in the strangeness of her new companion once more. The strange devices on it’s hind legs for example, what what was their function and what were they called?

This line of inquiry brought up another question. What was the creature called? What was it's name? It was at this point Zecora realized she hadn’t properly introduced herself, and decided to rectify the matter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy watched as the short little zebra warbled something at him. By now the series of equine gestures for ‘Hello, my name is: X. What’s yours?’ was glaringly obvious. One, 'Me Tarzan, You Pony' shtick later they were on their way to the next batch of vegetable matter the ‘Zebra of oddly minimal size’ seemed to require.

This time they were in a clearing surrounded with what looked like dandelions, with a few small patches of leaves and various ground cover sprouting here and there. The Zebra began to pick a few oddly shaped leaves from each small bush before placing them into her bags. Troy deciding to go with the logic 'Helpful is non-threatening' and followed suit. Though truth be told, his neighbor didn’t seem to mind his presence terribly. Maybe he had been over cautious, If she didn’t pay him much mind maybe the ponies wouldn’t either. Then his thoughts snapped back to the map the unicorn had shown him the day before.

The town was clearly off limits. Hard to misinterpret a giant red X. So then why is it off limits?

He pondered this as he helped his new found friend collect various herbs and plant bits, hoping they’d stumble on something obviously edible like a berry bush. If he could get her to sound off and tell him, or at least signal in some fashion whether or not it was safe to eat, it would give him a huge advantage.

Eventually they came to wide stream. Wide, but very shallow as his current guide trotted through the current and didn’t even get her ankles wet. Or at least whatever the Zebra alternative for ankles was anyway. She was heading to a large rock formation that seemed to be smack dab in the center of the river. The formation itself was definitely odd, it looked like someone had set down a chunk off of a cliff side and then forgot about it. Regardless, Troy followed her to the little gray crag of an island.

It was when the zebra first stepped on to the island and her hooves shot through what Troy had taken to be solid stone that he realized the island wasn’t just some fancy rock formation, it was also absolutely caked with ash.

Where did all this come from?

His monochrome guide hopped up a series of outcroppings that formed a natural staircase, though calling it that would make it sound deceptively easy to traverse. The smallest ledge was just above two feet tall, with the bigger steps nearly reaching four feet.

All that said, his four legged friend was taking these ‘stairs’ like a champ. To the point Troy was having a little trouble keeping up. Though fortunately for him the island wasn’t nearly as monolithic as it first appeared and they both soon reached the top. But, unfortunately for him, the ash had been rather effective at hiding the sharpness of some of the stone outcropping's. While he had managed to avoid cutting himself, his hands were absolutely raw and he was out of breath.

How the hell did she climb so fast? She had to jump her full height for some of those ledges! I mean-

...woah.

The grueling climb had been well worth the effort to see the wonder that lay before him. While he definitely had a decent view of the forest and a rather picturesque view of a waterfall, it was the tree that grew in the center of this island that drew his full attention. It’s bark was black and bumpy like boiling pitch, and clinging to its black branches was what looked looked like a little cloud of smoke. It was a lighter gray than the ash that layered the ground and seemed to roll and writhe, like the smog of an ancient forest fire had been snagged and caught by the tree. On the boughs hung massive, oddly shaped acorns. Their contours were sharp rather than smooth, with small spikes protruding at various points, not to mention each acorn was roughly the size of a grapefruit.

Troy reached for one of the lower hanging branches and tried to pull at the undulating smokey mass, only to find that it wasn’t a singular mass at all, but rather, thousands upon thousands of long slender leaves. They had merely looked solid from a distance, though even standing right next to them he could barely make out an individual leaf. He plucked one from the tree for a better look, it had a bizarre and jagged pattern of veins running through it, but before he could glimpse any more detail from the long silverish strand, it quickly began to darken before it crumbled to pieces. He smudged what little remained between his fingers, where it blended in perfectly with the rest of the ash covering his hands.

Troy blinked as he realized he was actually standing under the source of the ashes that covered the island. He had to marvel at the oddity of nature that bent in the breeze before him. The topiary looked wicked to be sure, but it also had an alien beauty to it. However something seemed off to him, and it took him a minute before he noticed his tracks. They became deeper the farther away he got from the tree.

His confusion was interrupted by what sounded like a cross between a snicker and a nicker. His Zebra guide gave him a knowing smile as she dusted off a long pole that appeared to be a lengthy butterfly net with a pruning shear attachment. The shears were operated by a piece of rope, and oddly enough the net itself seemed to be made of wire and metal tubes. She slowly maneuvered the contraption under one of the acorns adorning the higher branches and with practiced ease snipped the stem, with the seed falling into the net.

It was actually rather impressive the way she had handled the unwieldy looking pole. As the Zebra began to slowly lower her prize Troy figured he might as well speed up the process and began to climb the tree towards the lowest acorn bearing branch. His guides cry of alarm caught up with him as he reached the bough, he turned as he tried to shake one of the massive seeds free.

“It’s fine!” He called, “I’ll just get a few and we’ll be-”

As he was talking one of the acorns fell from the branch, and it was at this moment he noticed the look of panic on his newest acquaintance's muzzle as her eyes followed the softball sized nut to the ground. Where the seed immediately burst into a brilliant crimson flame as it struck the stone, almost like a road flare. What's more, to Troy’s intimidate surprise the ash adjacent to the fire began to catch as well.

“Oh shit.”

The Zebra was quick as a flash and swept most of the ash away with a single swipe of her tail, creating a small half circle gap between the flare and the Definitely-Not-Ash surrounding the tree, confining the blaze to a small gap in the roots next to the trunk.

Troy leapt from his branch and ran towards the blaze, he had to stamp it out, if the plateau went up they’d both go with it. Just as he reached the flames he raised his boot and immediately felt the seat of his pants yank violently backwards. He sprawled onto his back kicking up more of the flammable gray tree dust, before he could get to his feet or voice his discontent a strong but gentle hoof came down on his chest, keeping him from rising. His eyes darted to the hoof’s owner as she looked down on him. Her expression was unreadable, neutral. She gestured to the guttering flames as a silhouette began to appear in the blaze.

In the place of the acorn lay a wicked looking spike, supported by three other spikes. As the fire began to die he could clearly see a wicked looking caltrop made of burnt wood sitting in a pile of smoldering embers.

As the last flecks of fire finally extinguished themselves the hoof on Troy’s chest relented and he scrambled to his feet. He slowly approached the remains of what could only be the most nefarious of acorns. The points were wicked sharp, and the spikes themselves were at least as strong as the thorns on a mesquite bush, and those could tear through car tires.

Troy turned to his companion and wracked his brain for a proper apology, only to find none. After a moment he simply hung his head. It was all he really could do, he had inadvertently come within inches of burning the both of them to a cinder. But before he could admonish himself further a familiar hoof tapped him on the thigh. He looked down at the Zebra he now owed his life to, and watched as that neutral expression melted into a knowing smile. She flipped her raised hoof to reveal a faded circular scar.

It didn’t take long for Troy to put two and two together, apparently he wasn’t alone in his mistake. He watched numbly as his guide gathered up the acorn from her pruning pole and scooped up some of the flammable ashes that littered the ground into a glass jar. At this point the zebra was less black and white, and more greyish black and grey, though he wasn’t exactly Mr. Clean himself either. After a relatively easy jaunt down the massive stone staircase his guide began to wash herself off in the stream as he looked on with envy. As he was practically caked in grey dust, and had to settle for washing his hands before taking off his sweatshirt and began to beat the Not-Ash from his clothes.

Man, I just washed these yesterday.

Troy kept trying to get as much of the grey stuff out of his clothes on the way back to the hut. When they finally reached the hovel he let out a super sized sigh of relief and leaned on the tree house as his exhaustion caught up with him. Slumping to the ground, he closed his eyes and simply prayed his new found neighbor wouldn’t mind if he took a nap on her front porch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zecora smiled as she heard the soft snores of her new friend as she milled about her hut. One by one she sorted and stored her various herbs and ingredients, taking extra care with the Sparkstar Acorn. She had managed to get only one this time, still considering the disaster that had almost claimed both of their lives, it was a success all the same. Still, she should have expected her helper to try and well, HELP.

She silently scolded herself for not thinking to tell him to stay put or warn him about the tree’s dangers, language barriers or no. The stranger sleeping on her doorstep had no ill intent. She had failed to warn it, but if the growling of it’s stomach was any indication, a good meal would probably help make up for the fright. She began to throw various plants into her cauldron, she had one big guest, and a big stomach to fill. As a low grumble resonated from her own gut, Zecora idly wondered how her guest would like split pea soup.

Soon the rich smell of soup began to waft about the hut. As soon as she deemed the brew worthy she dished up a pair of bowls and trotted out with them placed squarely on her haunches. Her new friend was right where she left him, drooling on himself. It took only a moment for the soup to work it’s magic and soon she was greeted with those small blue eyes. She set down a single bowl of soup and slid it forwards. Needing no further convincing her helper picked up the bowl, took a single sniff, then lifted the vessel and began to gulp down his meal. Soon the bowl was drained, and he was licking the remnants from his dish.

Zecora could only laugh and slid over her bowl as well. She motioned for her new friend to come inside, as she began to wonder if she had made enough food.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why is it that idiots and matches always seem to find one another?”
—Anonymous

Author's Note

A general announcement. I'm going to go back through the previous chapters and bring their quality to a place I like before working on the next chapter. However, I'm going to try to work more consistently to avoid huge gaps in updates. Also, I'm going to alternate between chapters and revisions, so you guys don't need to wait so damn long. Also Finally went and edited this damn thing. Anything jumps out at you let me know in the comments.

Happy readings.

P.S. My editor is a saint for putting up with the shit I pull. I just want to state this again.

Showdown at High Noon

Chapter 12

Showdown at High Noon

Edited by: CosmicAfro and Neko-

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am writing in regards to a new sapient being in our midst that was encountered in the Everfree forest, specifically the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. Communicating with him is rather difficult as he doesn't appear to speak our language, but we've been able to communicate some crude concepts.

I am currently referring to this new individual as "the Subject" as his name isn't easily replicable for casual conversation (I don't even know where to begin spelling wise). His appearance is difficult to describe, but I will do so to the best of my ability. Please note this is from casual observation and not a detailed study. Assumptions made off of first appearances may prove to be incorrect with further investigation:

He is approximately twelve hooves tall, bipedal, with a similar stance and posture to that of a minotaur. He has no readily observable tail or other appendage that would aid balance, despite this he appears to be fairly agile. Also, what I hypothesize is to be the equivalent to the hoof area is covered with a garment similar in appearance to work boots or some other covering, but has some design on the bottom that I can't place a function for outside of radical speculation. The shape of the boot flattens out horizontally in the front along the laces and appears on first inspection to be masterfully crafted.

The Subject, although when first encountered was only partially clothed, appears to prefer being clothed completely. The reason most likely stems from a near complete lack of fur, whether due to disease or simply his natural state of being is beyond my observational capabilities. He seemed to be in at least fair health when we first encountered him. He also is in the possession of hands very much like minotaurs do, the only observable distinction is that minotaurs have a total of eight fingers, whereas the subject has ten. The creature also keeps on his person a small wood axe and a large knife. The knife in particular seems to have an ornate handle, possibly indicating an heirloom or something else of significance. The knife and the axe have oddly shaped handles, most likely to offer a better grip given his physiology.

The Subject himself is difficult to read in terms of emotion or temperament, though while it seems we share common expressions like smiling or frowning, due to his small eye size some of the more subtle gestures are easily lost. From what I've witnessed he seems cautious regarding ponies he has just met and the possibility of him being territorial is difficult to judge due to various circumstances. However, he seems amicable at the moment.

In two days I will be leaving with Zecora and Mayor Mare to meet with our new acquaintance at noon. If you have any material you think would be useful or any advice on diplomatic matters, it would be most appreciated. I promise I will do my best to learn as much as I can about our new friend and facilitate peaceful relations between our two species.

Your student,
Twilight Sparkle

P.S. One thing I should-

Celestia cast her eye once more over the letter on the breakfast table. Her expression hidden behind her cup of tea. She had already finished her morning meal and was planning on how to deal with this news. The implications behind such a discovery were weighty indeed. To start, the scientific community would go absolutely bananas when they got wind of this. She had already drafted multiple letters to the various learning institutions and research labs to prepare for a drastic increase in research activity. With a new species appearing she could already see the proverbial hurricane of various theses, scientific journals and research papers churned out in response. Scientists are somewhat excitable like that.

The doors to the small dining area opened, drawing the Princess’s eye away from her letters. Luna yawned as she entered, the younger Princess somehow managing to keep the movement regal and dignified. Though her childish smirking was less than what would normally be considered ‘proper’.

Shuffling in behind Luna was Prince Blueblood, his unkempt mane had yet to be styled and sprung out in all directions in a massive afro. The Prince didn’t seem be aware about the state of his coiffure, just like he wasn’t yesterday or the day before that, as awareness requires brainpower and he just didn’t have the wattage at this hour. No one had ever accused Blueblood of being a morning pony. The only reason he was awake now was because outdated decorum demanded it. The bags under his eyes were so big, they could be used to smuggle refugees out of the country. Add in the fact he was practically dragging himself across the room, and there was little to indicate that the Prince would ever be an early riser. Several servants were trailing behind Blueblood desperately trying to tame the young royal’s mane with various straighteners, combs and hair sprays. There were good reasons as to why there were no mirrors in the the halls of Canterlot castle.

No one wanted a repeat of the greased lilac incident.

"Good morning sister," Luna called out in greeting. "And good morning to you nephew."

The irritable grumble she got in response was fairly standard for this time of day. The Prince shuffled to his seat with unseeing eyes as he plopped himself down on his usual seat and pawed blindly around the table until a servant placed a bagel underneath his searching hoof. He then proceeded to pull the baked good to his mouth and idly gnawed on it as his brain tried to extend its functions beyond basic motor control. Currently it was on consonants, soon it might even remember that words were as a general rule strung together in sentences, but that would take a minute or two.

All the while his hair maids labored in the background as they finally managed to wrestle the massive mane into his usual style. They bowed before the Prince upon completing their given task, and excused themselves when Blueblood finally blinked. The stylists had long ago decided this would be the closest they would get to a dismissal with the Prince in this state.

"Cmmphy" Blueblood mumbled through his meal, still staring dead ahead. Soon a servant brought forth a cup of coffee and set it next to the waiting Prince. The stuff was strong enough to eat through the mahogany table on which it sat. After a few seconds the Prince set down his bagel and sipped from the steaming cup. Soon some intelligence creeped back into his tired eyes and he let out lengthy yawn.

The royal sisters shared a private giggle at their nephew's zombified antics before Luna turned to the sizable pile of scrolls seated in front of her sibling.

"And what pray tell has you doing paperwork at this hour?" as she lifted a scroll at random and scanned the contents. "Summons for the griffin ambassador Laud? For discussions of a paramount nature?" She raised an eyebrow at her alabaster sister. "Has something occurred that we- I should be aware of?"

Celestia raised a different letter from the table and let it float to Luna. The older sister kept her expression in its standard political mask of serene neutrality. However, the fact that she herself was penning these summons spoke volumes about the situation when she could have easily delegated the task to almost any other scribe or servant in the castle.

Luna’s expression turned more and more serious with each line she read until finally she lowered the letter.

“I see, so a new species has been found. This is...” Luna paused as she grappled for the appropriate wording. “monumental.”

“Indeed.” The tension in Celestia’s voice was difficult to notice, but it was definitely there. The mere implications of yet another species would cause waves in the political world. Who knew what would happen when this new society emerged fully into the spotlight.

“So what?” The two celestial sisters turned to their nephew as he took a deep drink from his coffee before continuing. “I mean no disrespect Aunties, but this seems to be a bit of an overreaction. Some new breed of dog or inchworm hardly seems noteworthy.”

“It’s not just a new creature Blueblood, it’s a brand new race, not unlike the griffins or minotaurs.”

The Prince choked on his coffee in reply to Luna’s clarifying statement, and after a few minutes of hacking and coughing, the Prince portrayed his confusion in the most elegant way that he could manage at that particular moment.

“Bwuh!?”

“I imagine many delegates are going to have a similar reaction dear nephew,” Luna replied with a hint of smugness. “Hence the need for a proper meeting, to allay any initial misgivings about the creature before it has a chance to prove itself.”

“I hope I don’t have to tell you what is said here cannot leave this room.” Celestia chimed in. All the servants had left to attend to their other duties, leaving the three of them alone for their discussions. “There are many contingencies we have to prepare. Just the mere appearance of a new race brings many dangerous implications, especially in this day and age.”

Blueblood pondered the Princess’s words for a moment before speaking up again. “I’m afraid the subtleties of the situation are lost on me Auntie. If this new race were to prove to be as hostile as the diamond dogs or as isolationist as the dragons, wouldn’t we simply be able to deal with them as we have the others?”

Celestia took a long draw from her tea before answering. “If the worst scenario came about, yes those are possible options. However there are a few things you are not grasping my young nephew.”

“Such as?” Blueblood made a ‘go on’ gesture with his hoof.

“Well for starters, I imagine you need the full story.” The Sun Diarch raised her student’s letter and read it for her nephew, who remained politely attentive. Right up until she finished, the raised eyebrow he held clearly showed he had expected something a little more dire than that to rile up a Princess.

“As fascinating as that is, I’m still not seeing what so worrisome.”

The Sun Princess nodded, then conjured a holographic globe over the table. “Tell me, where can you find ponies on this map?”

The Prince scrutinized the map for a moment, using his own magic to spin the construct before returning his attention to the Princess. “Almost anywhere I would guess. Granted, Equestria is our homeland but you could find at least one pony in any major city. Maybe some of the smaller towns only get ponies as visitors, but not so few they would never see one.”

Celestia nodded approvingly, “And where could you find somepony who speaks another language?”

Blueblood didn’t bother even looking at the globe. “The griffins, saddle arabians, zebras and minotaurs all have their own native tongues, and that’s just off the top of my head.” He rested his chin on his hoof. “While social studies is an interesting subject, I fail to see how this is pertinent.”

Celestia took a sip from her cup before continuing the conversation. “You will in a moment. What about those who don’t speak Equish?”

One of the Prince’s ears flopped at the odd question. “What about them?”

“Where could you find a place where no creature spoke a word of Equish?” She elaborated.

The Prince opened his mouth to answer, before pausing then closing it as if trying to catch the answer between his teeth. He spun the globe from place to place, continent to continent. After a minute or two of searching he gave huff of frustration and set the globe spinning like a top with a shove of his magic as his ire overrode his decorum.

He quickly caught himself and straightened his tie before addressing Celestia. “I honestly can’t imagine such a place, even in the most remote towns somebody has to speak Equish. It’s the language of trade.”

“Exactly,” Everyone's attention shifted to Luna as she spoke. “Tis the most widely spoken of languages, the dragons that pride themselves on independence and rarely interact with ponies, if ever, still speak our tongue. Even the diamond dogs who live in warrens under the earth and far removed from our society, still speak broken Equish. At least, so I am told.”

“Again,” Irritation creeping into the Prince’s tone. “I fail to see your point.”

“How about this then.” Celestia twirled the globe again and nudged it towards her nephew. “Now, show me somewhere one would never see a pony, griffin, minotaur, zebra or any other known kin, and thus a place where Equish isn't spoken at all. Keep in mind that the place you choose has to be able to house an entire species.”

At this the Prince frowned and then began to spin the globe, stopping here and there before finally letting out an exasperated sigh.

“I honestly have no idea Auntie, and not to sound like a broken record but what does this all mean?” Aggression was starting to seep into the Prince’s tone despite his years of noble bearing, though it was quickly stifled under embarrassment.

The Princess of the Sun simply took a sip from her morning tea as she let the Prince calm himself before grasping the translucent globe in the glow of her magic.

“Allow me to explain.” she said with rather amused tone. “There are three places that this creature may have come from that would explain its appearance and behavior. Each one has its own problems or raise concerns for us in the long run.”

Blueblood for his part sat attentively, he was becoming genuinely curious now that his aunt was no longer teasing him with riddles.

“The first place it may hail from is the sea,” Celestia highlighted the globes vast bodies of water for emphasis. “If this creature lived in the vast expanse of the oceans and on the seafloor, then it would make sense that we knew nothing of it.”

The Prince nodded, the logic seemed sound.

“The problem is,” Chimed in Luna. “that if it was from the great seas, why was it first seen in the Everfree Forest? It is well within Equestria’s heartland, somepony should have sighted it long before now. From the description it doesn’t sound like it would be easily overlooked.”

Luna summoned a map of Equestria and pointed at the Forest. “The only way it could have gotten here from the sea without notice is if it traveled upstream. That however, carries its own questions and implications.”

Blueblood leaned over and examined the map. “Such as?”

“Such as,” Luna elaborated. “if it resides in the sea, how does it survive? From the description, it doesn’t sound like it has fins or gills. If it were a creature of the sea, why is it so poorly equipped to live there? What’s more, how would it survive the transition from water to land? Or from saltwater to freshwater? Even if we could get satisfactory answers for those questions, there is a key mystery left hanging.”

The Princess of the Night leaned across the table and locked eyes with the Prince. “Why travel the river? Why not appear on the shoreline and move from there? There doesn’t seem to be any problem moving on land so why keep to the water?”

She leaned back into her seat. “Then again, there might be something we are missing so we can’t make any assumptions. Even then it seems unlikely to come from the sea. No fins or gills and no obvious reason to be this far inland otherwise.”

At this point Celestia took the helm of the conversation again. “It’s for similar reasons that we can rule out the second location. If not in the sea, then what of the skies above them? Pegasi tend to keep their cloud homes anchored over land so they can easily access the rest of society. However, with no wings and no indication of ability to fly, how would a society of these creatures live in the sky? What’s more, we once again have to ask why appear in the Everfree of all places?Which leaves the last and most likely place, underground.”

The Princess supped the last of her tea before returning it to its ornate saucer. “If this new race is subterranean in nature, and their only access to the surface was through the Everfree Forest, it would make some degree of sense that they haven’t ventured out too often. Even if it's just below the Everfree, that is a sizable amount of land to dig under, theoretically large enough to sustain a population if one dug down far enough. If this being is an explorer, there is a good chance that we can proceed in forming proper diplomatic channels.”

“Which will herald long and tedious negotiations on trade, extradition of criminals and so on and so forth.” The Prince wasn’t even trying to sound enthusiastic, it was becoming rapidly apparent the logistics of preparing for the appearance of a new race weren’t nearly as exciting as the appearance itself.

“Well, as fascinating as that is Auntie, I need to prepare for the rest of my day.” The Prince gave a small bow. “Paperwork needs to be attended to, as well as a rather nifty soirée that Fancypants is throwing this evening and I need to find just the right tie for the occasion.” The Prince slowly left the room with a practiced saunter. “I’m sure those letters will be lovely Auntie, See you tomorrow as always,” were his parting words as the door closed behind him.

Celestia rolled her eyes at her nephew’s less than subtle retreat and returned to writing, but it wasn’t long before Luna was hanging over her wither.

“I see you didn’t feel like mentioning that other possibility to our impressionable little Prince.” The Night Princess chided. The Solar Diarch on the other hand simply smiled.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“And I’m sure there is reason why you’re writing the minotaur ambassador last.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “And what’s so unusual about that?”

“You tend to do things in alphabetical order, and there’s a letter for the zebra ambassador here already.” Luna poked one of the neatly wrapped scrolls. “Habit is rarely forgone without reason sister, more so with individuals of our age.”

Celestia let out a soft sigh, her sister was as perceptive as ever. “It’s unlikely my worries are founded on anything solid, but…”

Luna needed no prompting. “But if these creatures do not reside under the Everfree, it’s impossible that no other race hasn’t encountered at least one encampment. Or at the very least caught a glimpse of one and have legend spring up in place of truth.”

“I am not aware of any legends,” Celestia replied. “But that is a definite possibility.” She sighed before continuing. “I like it better than the alternative, that one of the other races is harboring them secretly.”

The shocked expression Luna wore was enough to tell her sister what she thought, however never let it be said that the Princess of the Night was without tact. “Tia, that’s a bit of a stretch don’t you think?”

“True, I don’t believe there is any merit to be had in such a theory but it cannot be overlooked, extra care must be taken.” She frowned down at her letter. “All I intend to do is word my letter carefully. Twilight herself drew a comparison between this new creature and minotaurs, it is possible that they share a homeland, or a heritage perhaps.”

“Unlikely; no matter how well you can keep a secret, one can’t hide an entire population without something slipping through the cracks.” Luna quickly rejected. “What truly worries me is your student's postscript.”

The Princess could only nod as she reread the last few lines of the letter.

P.S. One thing you should know about the Subject, he appears to destroy or in some way nullify all forms of observable magic. While this is not without consequence (as it appears to be quite painful) no magic can interact directly with his body or belongings. I don’t know the limits or capabilities of this power. But it is possible that he might be able to imbue objects with a similar if not the exact same property. I don’t know for sure yet, but I’ll let you know as soon I find out.

Luna continued as her sister reread what was the most worrying aspect of this new species. “The defenses of our realm are mostly magical, our unicorn troops are trained to wield offensive spells and weapons with their magic, meaning that to be of any use at all in an encounter with a hostile force comprised of these creatures they would need to be retrained. Earth ponies would be deprived of their normally substantial strength, meaning they would be encumbered by armor and weapons, reducing effectiveness in combat. Again the only solution is to retrain the troops to counter this maneuver.”

“At least we won’t have to retrain the pegasi from the ground up.” Celestia added, trying to grasp a silver lining in the sea of dark ominous clouds that hung on her metaphorical horizon. “We simply have them focus on ranged combat and introduce new tactics to counter this ability. Twilight’s letter implied this ability relies on touch, let us hope that it is limited to that. And I don’t even want to begin to imagine what would happen if one came into contact with the Elements of Harmony.”

She frowned down at her papers as Luna seemed lost to contemplation for a time before she put forward an option that already had crossed Celestia’s mind. “Why not delay in the correspondence to the ambassadors? Give ourselves time to prepare and cushion the impact that the news will cause. The economy and stock market are wild cards at best, we could stack the odds in our favor, given appropriate time.”

The Sun Princess kneaded her eyes, it was too early for this prolonged parade of preposterously paramount politics, even for her. “You remember how the griffins shook up the country when they made themselves known. Everything a new race means and more is on its way and we have a very finite amount of time to prepare, and stepping on tails now, so to speak, will only cause problems in the long run.” A long sigh escaped the Princess’s lips as she slumped in her chair. “If it’s all the same to you, I wish to discuss something other than politics before the court opens for the day.”

A cheshire smile slunk on to the nocturnal sister’s muzzle as she returned to her own chair. “Well then, why don’t you finally get around to telling me how the land of Equestria came to acquire a Prince?”

“You’re not going to let that go, are you?”

“Not a chance, Celly.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Everfree as of late had seen more pony activity in the recent year than the last one hundred combined. Now, one could wonder if the forest itself had an opinion on such matters. It was a rather bizarre forest after all, such things weren't out of the question. Certainly its fearsome reputation had diminished slightly within pony culture with ponies actually returning from the forest now. To gauge how a sentient forest would react to such a thing one would have to find a way to gauge its attitude and/or personality. Strangely enough, if one considered how ‘friendly’ the forest itself was by what was able to live there, then it was an oddly welcoming place. Any creature, no matter how strange or alien, could find a home in the Everfree. The only problem came from surviving the forest’s other occupants.

Even a particularly hardy zebra had come to call it home. So naturally with this line of reasoning one would consider the forest almost welcoming, friendly even, to creatures from all walks of life.

Except Twilight Sparkle. Because fuck Twilight Sparkle.

The empirical evidence for such an attitude being that even though she was walking down one of the most well-worn paths in the Everfree forest, if not THE most well-worn path in the Everfree forest, she was still having an inordinate amount of difficulty doing so. She found herself walking into cobwebs, multiple tree branches, and a pothole. She also found herself collecting burrs in places she didn’t even know she had.

However, it would all be worth it in the end. She had partaken in a particularly interesting exercise in politics this morning. Specifically, finding out how many ways the Mayor could politely say: “I’m not going into the Everfree forest and you can’t make me.” She had been much more receptive when Twilight had offered to have Zecora come along as a guide. All that required was to get Zecora’s written consent and that would be that. The only hitch was the Mayor also insisted on bringing a photographer along as well in order to capture the new creature’s image so the townsfolk could have a chance to acclimate to its potentially horrifying appearance.

Under normal circumstances, Twilight would have inferred that particular reaction to a poor description of the creature on her part. However considering that half the things in the Everfree forest were either covered in sharp protrusions, were primarily comprised of teeth, or had way WAY more appendages than any creature had any right to possess, the Mayor's fears weren't exactly based on unfounded assumptions.

Still, while this specific trip to Zecora’s was particularly unpleasant, she had other business with the zebra that she had wanted to go over before the meeting tomorrow, so all things considered the Mayor’s request didn’t send her too far out of her way.

All the same, when she finally arrived at her friend’s hut she was relieved that her trek was over and took a moment to remove the various bits of forestry that had hitched a ride on her person. After making herself presentable, she finally approached and gave the door three sharp knocks.

After a few seconds the door opened to reveal the striped shaman. “Well how do you do! Twilight my dear, it’s so good to see you.” Zecora stepped forward and gave her friend a quick hug which Twilight returned.

“It’s good to see you too Zecora. I hope you’re feeling better now, the last time I came by you were really out of it.”

“Aye, gentle the Tracker's Tonic is definitely not, once the effects wear off most fall asleep on the spot.”

Twilight smiled and lightly placed her hoof on her striped friend’s withers. “Well I’m glad you're feeling better.” Her smile slipped a few shades towards sheepish before she continued. “Do you think you’re feeling up to helping with something tomorrow?”

Zecora tapped her chin in thought for a moment before answering. “That depends on what you require of me, tell me your needs and we shall see.”

“Well, it’s pretty important, you might want to sit down for what I’m about to tell you.” At this point Twilight had begun to dance on the tips of her hooves and was featuring a smile usually reserved for lottery winners, mental patients, and Pinkie Pie.

After a moment it became apparent to Zecora that her friend wasn’t going to continue unless she took a seat, and she complied with a bemused smile. It wasn’t often she saw Twilight this excited. After she was properly seated on her porch Twilight leaned in close after looking around at the surrounding foliage, as if searching for some unknown malcontent.

“Yesterday, the girls and I discovered an entirely new sapient species!” She whispered, practically squealing with excitement.

Surprise flashed across the zebra’s face as Twilight continued, though she had begun to pace back and forth chatting ecstatically.

“The Cutie Mark Crusaders told us about it after we rescued them, I think you were asleep by then, but anyway after a little investigation we found it living in the old castle! It’s so strange, it has familiar aspects from minotaurs but otherwise it’s completely alien!” She squealed excitedly. “No tail, no wings, just two legs to walk on and two arms if we go with minotaur equivalents. It wears clothes, speaks some unknown language and is possibly the first of its species to come into contact with the outside world!”

At this point Zecora attempted to interject, but at this point Twilight was gushing like a firehose and jumping up and down like a five year old filly on her birthday while simultaneously spouting theories.

Zecora, to her credit, waited patiently for her friend to finish her nerdgasm. Eventually Twilight began to lose steam and after realizing her antics, focused more on blushing and breathing.

After her lungs stopped burning and her heart was no longer in danger of exploding from the combination exertion/excitement she tried to put on a serious face. She was mostly successful.

“Oh, that reminds me!”

Twilight pulled out what appeared to be a massive scroll from her saddlebags.

“I took the liberty to write some contingencies and conversation tables for when we start communicating. This is your copy.” Twilight gingerly placed the massive text next to her friend with the softest possible WHA-THUD. “It contains possible non-verbal cues, Topics of importance once a dialogue has been established, and several useful tidbits to keep in mind when dealing with an unknown species and its society.”

Zecora eyed the positively back breaking scroll in front of her as Twilight continued. “Once we can actually talk we can get the important questions answered.”

The shamaness could only imagine what kind of effort went into this monolithic scroll, as she opened it and briefly scanned its contents. Or more accurately the table of contents. It had tips and tricks to create and maintain a good first impression and continued on to outline how to avoid what might be considered offensive. After a minute or so of reading she realized that at least half of the scroll was dictating how to make a good first impression. Seeing how the creature had left her hut as little as a half hour ago, a good chunk of the guide in her hooves was rendered pointless. However, sometimes being a good friend means delaying bad news to a less stressful time, so she opted out of informing Twilight for now. She was sure they could laugh about it later.

Looking up from the massive lump of parchment Zecora noticed the distinct impression of unhappiness in Twilight's face, though brief it was undoubtedly there. Before she had a chance to comment another deluge of dialogue began to flow.

“It is imperative that we do not project what WE would consider to be inappropriate, offensive, or immoral. For all we know, they could very well have no concept of personal property or other critical social morals. We have no common frame of reference.”

“That is all well and good,” Zecora interjected. “But what in particular brings you to my neck of the wood? I imagine it has something to do with the new addition to our neighborhood.”

“Oh, right. To be honest, I was hoping you could help me with opening up a dialogue with the Subject. You’re fluent in two different languages, I get the feeling we’re going to need that kind of expertise. Also Mayor Mare was rather insistent about your help in another regard.”

Twilight explained how the Mayor ‘requested’ that some sort of guide come with them if they were to venture that deep into the Everfree. After which Zecora pointed out they could simply have the mystery creature come OUT of the Everfree the day of the meeting, and have the Mayor meet them in a less hostile area. Both of them agreed this seemed to be a much better idea. The ‘major’ crisis resolved Twilight slumped onto Zecora’s porch in semi-relief. After which she gratefully accepted the medicine mare’s offer of tea before heading home.

On her way home her fur collected the most colorful sap, much to her dismay. Several baths were required to make her presentable enough to let the Mayor and Applejack in on tomorrow's planned proceedings. The Apple family was thrilled to hear that such a historical meeting would be happening on their property, especially one little filly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Next Day

Troy fiddled with his newest creation as he waited for noon to roll around, he was still trying to decide if his newest attempt at weapon craft was either brilliant or stupid.

See, Troy was dead set on getting his mitts on something with more range than a hand axe. Unfortunately his bow making attempts had pitiful results, so he went back to basics. First, what was your most basic projectile weapon? Easy, a rock. People have been throwing them at each other since time immemorial. And one of the most rudimentary weapons that made throwing a rock easier was ye olde stone sling.

So he promptly made one out of vines and a sock. Troy discovered two things rather quickly, first thing he learned was ‘simple to use’ did not mean ‘easy to use’. The second thing he learned was that sling stones, while only a little larger than a human thumb, where surprisingly effective. He learned this when he cracked himself in the head with one.

For the uninformed, ye olde sling is primarily operated by utilizing centripetal force. The basic operation of a sling is to have a large strip of flexible material, usually leather or cloth and place your projectile, read ‘rock’, in the loop you’ve just created. Then you spin the stone in a circle, either above your head or to the side to bring the stone up to speed, then you simply let go of one end of the cloth at the appropriate time and fling your projectile in the direction of someone or something you don’t particularly like.

The problem was that while Troy doesn’t hate himself, the universe at large seems to be making up for that, so naturally the stone caught the sock at a rather inopportune time and gave the guy a rather large goose egg above his right eyebrow. The only reason that Troy had a lump rather than a cracked skull or a concussion was because the malfunctioning sling had stolen a lot of the momentum from the rock. Still put him on his back clutching his face for a good fifteen minutes. Rocks to the face hurt.

So after some appropriate downtime afforded to the recently injured and a few modifications to the sling to prevent future injury, Troy was the proud owner of a fully functional sling. Too bad he couldn’t hit anything with it. Again, this is where simplicity did not equate to usability. To hit anything with a sling required some familiarity with the weapon and its use, along with several years of practice using said weapon. Troy had none of this, and as a result his aim was, generously put, laughably inaccurate.

If he managed to hit anything it would sting like the dickens and probably either scare off or incapacitate a person, but most of the stuff he’d seen would probably just get pissed.

So going back to the drawing board, he went even more basic and tied a rock to a rope.

That was literally it.

He had taken a piece of masonry that had fallen from the castle at some point, and tied a braid of vines to it. Surprisingly enough it was actually pretty effective when all was said and done.

All he really had to do was swing it in a direction and let momentum do the rest, he could even spin it up like the sling and get it to a decent speed. (Though he opted out of the overhead approach, one lump was enough thank you very much.) And he could retrieve it fairly quickly by simply reeling it back in. It wasn’t glamorous, and it was unwieldy as hell, but it worked.

He had dubbed his creation his Rock on a Rope, or for shorthand his Tactical Rock. Why Tactical Rock? Because for some inexplicable reason the block of masonry he found was black. It was why he chose it for the ROAR program in the first place.

He gave another practice swing at the tree he was currently abusing and got a satisfying thunk when his improvised weapon struck true. He had decided to add more braids to the rope at a later date for more range. He was stuck in Stone Age offensive technology, but hey, progress.

Another blow stripped the bark from the hapless fir tree he was assaulting and Troy let out a joyful whoop.

“Watch out world! Because I’m ready to ROCK… your world.”

He made a mental note to come up with better quips before his attention was attracted by what he was certain was The Polite Cough. When he turned he found his currently scheduled appointment had appeared with a familiar face tagging along for the ride.

In front of him was the purple pony from a few days before along with the zebra he had met yesterday.

Both of whom were eyeing his weapon with curiosity, though there was a rather large difference between the two. The zebra was looking with passive and pleasant inquisitiveness. While the unicorn was clearly wearing the fakest of smiles ever to be faked.

He set aside his improvised weapon and started his attempts to figure out how to say, ‘Help I’m lost and the world refuses to make sense’ in pony.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little to the left and a few seconds ago

“So what do you think it’s doing with that rock?” Twilight whispered as the Subject swung what looked like a stone cradled in braided vines at a tree. When the bark tore from the trunk of the tree it- HE, made a sound that seemed to shout ‘excitement’. “What if it’s a sacred ritual that isn’t supposed to be seen? We need to be very-”

Her conspiratorial whispering was cut off when her co-conspirator let out a very loud and obvious cough. Grabbing the subject of their conversation’s attention. When he put aside his strange contraption and smiled, Zecora turned to address the clearly uncomfortable Twilight.

“We learn very little with silence and stares, for the victor is she who dares. We’re bound to stumble on a social snafu, and I would think he will too. It will be something we all will work through.”

“Ok fine, but next time a little warning maybe? So do you think you can talk to it?”

Zecora only gave her a mischievous smile before turning to the creature of fame. They began with a quick reintroduction, some badly broken Equish later they began in earnest.

She gestured to Twilight, “Pony” then to herself, “Zebra” then she motioned to the Subject, letting the unspoken question linger in the air.

Apparently understanding the creature tapped his chest and said what sounded like “Hughemaan”.

Zecora smiled and picked up a few blades of grass in her hoof, the process of which seemed to fascinate the ‘Hughemaan’. “Grass.” She slowly intoned before motioning to the biped. After an attempt to replicate her word, she quickly shook her head in the negative, she pointed to Twilight, “Pony, Grass.” Then pointed to Troy, “Hughemaan,..?” and motioned for him to continue.

It was subtle, but the light of comprehension sparked behind those eyes. Leaning down, he plucked a few blades from the earth and spoke a word that neither recognized. Twilight produced a scroll in a blur of movement and began to scribble something down, both to Zecora’s amusement and to their new friend’s fascination.

They continued this back and forth method for some time, going over rocks, trees, animals and briefly over body parts. Twilight had an admittedly small, but steadily growing lexicon as they worked their way to verbs. But she was having the time of her life filling that scroll, there was just so much to learn.

They also got something of a tour of the castle, at least the entryway, though it was for Zecora more than anything else. A makeshift cot had been made out of timber, sticks and leaves, there was a more permanent fire pit next to the central pillar that the Elements of Harmony once rested on. However, what stood out were two things. Sort of.

First there was the main hallway that lead further into the castle. Every so often there would be a very obviously stacked pile of rocks, and in the entrance itself a long stick leaned on one of the walls. Both parties had learned the other's phrase for “what” or “question” when playing the name game, and they had used it as a quick way of asking simple questions. It had mostly been limited to naming, but when Twilight asked ‘what’ and gestured to the hall. The Hughemaan had helpfully used the stick to push aside the rock pile and pressed on the brick it covered.

The brick immediately sunk into the floor and a large trapdoor opened up just ahead of the group. After he released the pressure on the stone, the brick slid back into place and the trapdoor slammed shut.

They didn’t venture any farther into the castle after that.

The other thing that stuck out was all the little things that had been done to make the castle livable to some definition. The roof had been covered with branches, and the rubble piles and random bits of masonry that had been strewn about the floor had been reused to fortify crumbling passages.

It wasn’t exactly what anyone would call comfortable, but the effort of maintenance was noticeable.

After a while it was nearly time for them to return, Zecora gave the newly named species a bowl of soup. Which ended with Twilight filling in the equivalent for ‘thank you’ and Zecora getting a surprisingly strong bear hug. Then they set about the laborious task of performing interspecies charades. It took a while but eventually they were fairly certain they conveyed “Come to the apple farm at noon tomorrow.” Twilight’s magic playing no small part in the affair. For his part, the Hughemaan didn’t seem eager to touch any of constructs this time, and seemed quite intent in keeping a respectable distance between himself and the dolls.

After they waved goodbye and Twilight had teleported the both of them across the chasm that separated the castle from the forest she let out a girlish squeal as she danced on the tips of her hooves. “I can’t believe it, look at this!” She unfurled her scroll and waved it about in her excitement, it was almost completely filled. “We learned so much, we might get to full sentences within the week! Now that I think about it, it seemed really comfortable around you Zecora, why is that? And how did you know he'd like soup?”

"Probably because I fed it to him the first time we met, so I figured it was a safe bet."

If Zecora noticed her friend making adorably confused faces for a moment, she didn’t comment. Soon, Twilight was demanding every last detail of their encounter, she was so engrossed with the story she didn’t even notice the burrs she was collecting.

For the most part.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the Castle

Troy lay down on his improvised cot as he reviewed the day and rubbed the fuzz that had been accumulating on his face.

I need a shave.

In retrospect things had gone pretty well, both parties had gone from drawings and caveman speech to… Advanced caveman speech. Still, progress.

At least now they had a few simple sentences down, such as “What is this” or “what’s your word for that?”

He was also infinitely glad that he didn't have to figure out how to mimic some of the sounds that came from an equine mouth. And they had brought more soup.

Awesome Zebra is going to get a second fruit basket.

Today had been a breath of fresh air, everything had gone splendidly. He was fed, and getting closer to being able to go back to some kind of society.

This was a good day, although he hadn’t been here long it still felt like it had been years since he’d had any kind of luck. He didn’t want to ruin it with introspection or brooding. He just wanted to sleep and finish the day on a good note.

His rest was interrupted by what sounded like a distant squawk, it was just enough to draw him from his cot for moment before laying back down again. This was soon followed by the far off sound of pony laughter, which now that he thought about it was very similar to someone choking on a bassoon.

Meh, It’s probably nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“A different language is a different vision of life.”

-Federico Fellini

Schoolhouse Rock!

Chapter 13

Schoolhouse Rock

Edited by: Neko-

“Ah still can’t believe the size of that sucker.”

“Can we please not talk about that?”

“Ah mean I’ve seen a some nasty burrs in mah time, but the one you brought the other day, hoooo-whee, Grannie’s thinking about getting it framed.

“Please don’t.”

For those who are a little lost, Applejack and Twilight were waiting for the hughemaan to appear. The Mayor had arrived with her photographer and were both getting ready back at the homestead. The photographer was preparing her camera equipment, while the mayor made sure she was presentable and was in no way hyperventilating into a paper bag in the bathroom. She was just using the mirror. It wasn’t her fault the one in the parlor was too small. Or that the one in the living room was too big, nope, not her fault one bit.

For their part, Applejack and Twilight had been waiting outside just in case their friend showed up early, which quickly led to boredom and the eventual ribbing that Applejack was giving her friend.

See, yesterday on her way home from the forest Twilight had a brief but memorable encounter with one of the Everfree’s more exotic flora. Titanis Terrestris specifically. This tall bush had a rather unique way of spreading its seeds. Most burring plants usually had light, small and barely perceivable seeds. Through nature's design these would get carried for a time by an unwary passing animal until their presence gradually became pronounced. Where they would be quickly dislodged by the animal’s irritated scratching, fall to the ground and begin the cycle anew. Quick, easy and not much trouble for either party involved.

This is not so much the case for Titanis Terrestris, or as it’s more commonly referred to, the Tackleweed.

See, whereas most seeds were small and hardly noticeable, this thing was somewhere between the size of a softball and a melon. One would imagine it would be rather noticeable, both on approach and when it eventually snagged onto the fur of some passing creature, thus not traveling very far. This is where you would be right, it doesn’t help that along with its size it also weighs quite a bit. Another thing you might be wondering about is the size of the hooks this burr must be sporting, well thankfully they are actually fairly small, just extremely numerous. However, this would usually present the problem that it would make this seed almost impossible to snag on a passing creature. Usually.

The tackleweed however has a rather unique method of delivery between plant and animal. It detects vibrations with its complex root system and is able to distinguish hoof or paw falls from falling leaves, pine cones and other such disturbances. It then triangulates their position and projected path. After which the plant rears up and hurls its young at its new host with the speed and precision most professional baseball pitchers would envy.

The animal or person on the receiving end can usually expect to end up getting hit with what can be fairly equated to a slightly undersized bowling ball traveling at speeds somewhere between 40 to 60 miles per hour. Normally this would cause serious injury, but luckily nature has some sense of mercy and the outer layer of the seed is rather malleable. So while it might raise a nasty welt it most likely won’t break any bones. Still, unfortunate souls have taken walks in the woods and wound up getting knocked out when they caught one of these oversized plant babies in the face.

Luckily for Twilight that wasn’t where her burr ended up. No, this one landed in the middle of her flank, dead on her cutie mark on her right side. Unluckily for Twilight, this was one of the larger seeds, and swept her off her hooves without so much as the courtesy of a dinner date. It then spun her on the ground like a festive purple top and deposited her in the brush a few steps off the path. Zecora, after making sure that they weren’t under attack from some monster and making certain that Twilight wasn’t actually injured, very nearly proceeded to laugh the stripes off her flank, though through herculean efforts of self control managed to contain her mirth to a mild bout of hysterical laughter .

Now back to plant biology, as this is an incredibly noticeable method of delivery, not to mention painful, most animals would remove the burr immediately. And almost all make an attempt. See, between the numerous flexible burrs grabbing onto any fur they can manage, and the seeds flexible shape resulting in a larger surface area coming in contact with furred body parts, the comparisons one could make to Velcro are apt and at the same time a massive understatement. Twilight found this out when her attempts to remove it were met with complete, abject and painful failure.

Zecora’s advice had been to wait a few days, as the burr’s hooks lost their elasticity after a while and it would fall off on its own. Those who’ve met Twilight know she isn’t a ‘let the problem resolve itself’ kind of pony, so once she had made her way out of the forest she looked up one of the few ponies she knew that might have a different answer. Unfortunately, all Fluttershy could do was offer the same advice and mention some fertile areas good for plants that were out of the way for when it eventually would fall off.

So Twilight’s final stop and final hope had rested with the Apple family, which resulted in Big Mac yanking on the burr with some oven mitts in his mouth to avoid having it stuck to his face and Applejack holding onto her friend’s rump to brace it.

The problem was Big Macintosh would constantly end up pulling the two of them across the dirt whenever he started to make progress, so he offered to switch with Applejack who could have a go at pulling. It was when Applejack objected to her brother holding onto her friend’s rump that Grannie Smith seemed to materialize out of the aether, or wherever it is old ponies come from, to comment on how she would be happy if Big Mac finally showed interest in some fillies plot, seeing as she wanted to see some great grandfoals in her lifetime. That, and “prize cans like that don’t trot by everyday.”

There were blushes all around as Applejack tried to berate the elder Apple through the heat on her cheeks, pointing out they were just tying to help a friend. With Granny launching a counter offensive by pointing out to Big Mac that girls usually didn't let you stick your mouth in the rump region util after a romantic evening of fine dining. The siblings were left sputtering at the conjured mental images, with the aging matriarch cackling as she strolled along the many rows of apple trees, vanishing as quickly as she came.

The Apple siblings ended up trading places finally, though Mac needed some encouragement when it came to hanging onto Twilight's posterior. His sister's advice being to ‘firmly grasp it’ did not help terribly. At the end of it, Twilight was very red in the face and very quiet. Whereas Big Mac had apparently ascended the mortal plane given the fact he was very literally glowing with embarrassment. It looked like one of the neon signs from Las Pegasus had wandered off after a lunch break.

They got the burr off, but by that point it was a hollow victory.

Twilight was more than happy to pretend the whole thing never happened, but her friend seemed just as happy to tease her about it.

“So, should ah break out the good Mareson jars for the wedding or are you gonna bring your own?”

“Please, just stop. Wait, do you actually have ‘good’ Mareson jars?”

“Oh Celestia no, ah mean we do have some, but if ah tried to put those out at a wedding? Shoot, Grannie would be madder than a wet hen.” Applejack thought for a moment then let out a snort of laughter before leaning in on her still blushing friend in a conspiratorial manner. “But could you imagine Rarity’s face if ah brought out some stemmed Mareson jars all spiffy and fancylike?”

They shared a laugh at the idea before settling into a more comfortable silence. They both watched the woods, waiting for the strange creature to emerge and pose for a photograph. To Applejack it was still strange. Sure she had had a hoof in defeating Nightmare Moon and Discord, and that would go down in history books. This was something else though, this wasn’t stopping a disaster. Rather it was building what could be a major success.

Applejack wasn’t stupid by any measure, she knew that this thing was able to shrug off magic, and that it was able to take on a pack of timberwolves and win when so inclined. Whatever these creatures were, they were not to be trifled with, so the friendlier terms they were on now, the better chances of avoiding some catastrophe later. Heck, with their help, the world could be made safer from dangerous magics. However, that line of logic wasn’t the only thing bouncing around in the back of the farm pony’s head.

“Twi, can I ask you something?” Applejack asked as she lay down in the warm grass, and continued her line of inquiry at Twilight’s nod. “What’s been botherin’ you, and don’t go sayin’ nothing’s wrong. Ah’ve noticed, Zecora’s noticed, pretty sure a few of the girls have noticed.” Applejack tucked in her hooves and gave her friend a warm, but concerned look. “Talk to me, ah’ll help how I can.”

Twilight for her part had been mostly silent, only trying to protest before it was clear that wouldn’t assuage Applejack’s inquisitiveness. And for a solid minute she stuttered and stumbled through a few false starts, until she let loose what could only be called a Pinkie Pie-eske deluge of word vomit. Raw emotion and many, many words poured out of Twilight as she did her best to explain herself, often realizing what she had felt only when she had actually said it.

After an impressive and near incomprehensible tirade, Applejack straightened her hat and went to work trying to break down what she’d heard. She might have been friends with Pinkie the longest, but that didn’t mean she could always keep up with the mare.

“So let me get this straight. You’re mad at this critter because it broke into your house in the middle of the night?”

Twilight nodded in agreement.

“But you know that this feller comes from a different society, one that’s never had contact with ponykind before, which has got you excited.”

Another nod.

“And you know that different societies sometimes have different views on what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t so you know that this feller might have been thinking he was doing nothin’ wrong, which makes you worry.”

Nod.

“And knowing this makes you mad at yourself for being mad at this feller when you don’t know if he was doing anything wrong in his book or not.”

Nod.

“On top of all this, the possibility exists that it might have been another creature entirely, so now you’re even more concerned and even angrier with yourself for making assumptions about somepony you don’t even know, and you’re scared that there’s something else we got to worry about.”

Nod nod nod.

“And to top it all off you can’t even ask the feller himself because he doesn’t speak Equestrian, and even if he did, asking him might make for trouble on the horizon with his kin. So you don’t want to ask him even if you could, which frustrates you on both counts. Is that all about right?”

Twilight nodded as she slumped beside AJ, her unexpected venture into her emotions had left her drained. She wasn’t sure how to feel about anything anymore. “I’m just… I don’t know how to deal with this.”

Applejack gave her a quick hug. “Don’t you worry none sugarcube. We’ll get this sorted out eventually, but first you need to know somethin’ important.”

Applejack looked Twilight dead in the eyes and when she spoke, there was conviction in her words.

“It’s alright to get mad.”

“But-“

Applejack cut her off with a shake of the head. “Ah know, he might have done nothing wrong by his rules.” She locked her gaze on her friend once more. “But he still broke one of ours, and even if he had no way of knowin’, you are still allowed to be mad.”

Twilight got another hug.

“One thing at a time sugarcube, we’ll figure this out, you can’t help feeling how you do, but you have a choice of what you do about it. You can scream and shout if it makes you feel better. Everything will shake out in the end, you’ll see.”

It was Twilight’s turn to give a hug. “Thank you Applejack, I think I needed that.”

The farm pony just gave her a grin. “Ah think you did, and wouldn’t you know it, seems we finished right on time.” She pointed at an approaching pair of figures, then waved at Zecora and the hueghmaan that followed her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shutter Bug rhythmically went about setting up her camera. It was a ritual she knew well, and it was soothing to her. She was in her element, and it helped her ignore the fact she was preparing to photograph a creature from the Everfree forest. She attributed the slight shaking of her hooves to chilly winds and ‘excitement’ as she tried her best to keep her professional demeanor.

She felt pretty good about her ability to at least appear calm, compared to the mayor who was becoming increasingly agitated as the wait went on.

They had set up behind the Apple family homestead, it was picturesque and perfect for a photo op like this. However, she couldn’t help but feel that this whole exercise was going to wind up being counterproductive. The whole point of this was to show everypony that they didn’t need to be afraid of this creature, but between the creature’s actual appearance, whatever that may be, and the mayor’s obvious discomfort, this would most likely do more harm than good.

That wasn’t her concern though. She was just here to take the picture. It had been specifically requested that she use the old non-magical method of photography for this picture. She was one of the few who actually had the equipment for that kind of picture and was well versed in its use for the option to be viable in a professional setting.

Shutter was putting the finishing touches on her set up when the owner of the property came around the side of the house proclaiming that the main subject of the photograph had just arrived. Shutter Bug clung to her facade of professionalism like a pony grips a life preserver in a roiling sea. The mayor attempted to adopt a calm demeanor, and almost succeeded.

As they brought the creature close enough for it’s shadow to appear, her heart almost leapt into her throat. It would be fine. It wasn’t like it would go on a rampage over a photograph, and she was close enough to the cellar that she could take shelter there until the guards came if it did.

When it walked around the corner she felt… well. A little apprehensive, admittedly, but for the most part that was just because she was waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. Aside from its strange clothes and locomotion, what caught her attention was the longness of the thing. As an artist she was trained to look at shapes and dimensions. This creature in comparison to a pony had a minuscule depth and width, only to compensate with a massive height. Without a tail no less.

However she was taken aback by how, for lack of a better term, normal this utterly alien creature seemed to be. It had no razor sharp claws, no long protruding fangs, no spikes, no stench, no boils, nothing that would warrant the title ‘IT CAME FROM THE EVERFREE!’ in a newspaper. Its stature wasn’t that far off from a minotaurs, though it appeared more fragile in comparison.

The mayor seemed to have had a similar line of thinking, because the first thing she asked was “Is that it?”

Everything went surprisingly smoothly after that. The mayor had insisted that she see what lay underneath the clothes, as she was putting her political weight behind this creature and trying to reassure the populace. She wanted to be certain it wasn’t dangerous, and despite her earlier nervousness she seemed adamant about investigating this herself.

While confused, the creature compiled for the most part, and even removed its footwear, showing off some truly strange appendages, though not the clawed feet that the mayor had expressed concern about. It refused to remove its leg garments, though it did lift them to give a clear enough view to most of what lay beneath. Twilight was taking notes, and more than a few sketches.

After all was said and done the photo shoot had gone smoothly, and three fillies had shown up unexpectedly, but they added some charm to the picture. They seemed just so happy to see it, or rather ‘him’. The shot she was sure to make the papers was the one where the Pegasus was dangling from one of its lanky arms where the unicorn was perched on its shoulders and holding onto its head while the earth filly clung to one of its legs. Everypony was laughing and the mayor was seated nearby sharing in the laughter.

After the shoot, Shutter Bug watched as Twilight and Applejack started to draw things and recite names for things. There was even a picture book. However, Shutter couldn't make heads or tails of what the thing was saying half the time. Zecora would chime in every now and again on unusual grammar structure in rhyming fashion before she trotted off to talk with Granny Smith.

It took her longer than usual to pack her equipment in, due to some of the more unique equipment requested. Still, she was ecstatic. She had just taken the first photograph of a new race! Not only that but at a rather historic moment with a few of the Elements of Harmony to boot. This picture would be circulated for generations and have a permanent place in history.

As she left with the mayor she noticed the fillies talking to the creature near the woods. Apparently he was waiting for the zebra he had arrived with, for the moment she was nowhere to be found.

From the looks of things, the girls chatted with him and drew in the dirt with sticks, apparently asking him for something. She could see the fillies jumping with joy as he nodded to whatever request they had given him before bolting towards the main road and dashing by Shutter and the mayor.

The only thing she heard as the fillies passed was “This is the best idea ever!”

Immediately she felt a chill crawl up her spine that had to have come from the brisk autumn breeze.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day morning Cheerilee held up a newspaper for her class to see. 'New Race Found In Everfree Forest, Saved 3 Foals From Timberwolves!' The historical significance of the event of a new race wandering onto the world stage was not lost on any of the Ponyvilians. Some were already making hughemaan based bric-à-brac and hoofcrafts to mark the occasion. Most of which consisted of very literal stick figures. All the foals had been excited, something new was happening! So when Cheerilee had taken the opportunity to read them the article and show the picture of the newest race to walk Equis. The children were riveted to their seats straining forward to get a better view.

“Now class, can any of you tell me when was the last time a new race appeared in Equestria?

A small hoof waved in the air, “Oh, I know! My dad said that it was five hundred years ago when the griffins showed up and stuff.”

“No it’s not!” Shouted Silver Spoon. “It was the Saddle Arabians when they reappeared!”

Pipsqueak raised his hoof “But they don’t count 'cause ponies knew about them before they appeared. Right miss Cheerilee?”

Everyone had been following the conversation and now turned to their teacher waiting for the authority figure to make the call.

Cheerilee tried to hide her surprise at how well informed her students were, though she did feel a touch of pride at the fact. “All are good points to bring up, the griffins and the rediscovered Saddle Arabians are both important to this topic. Can anyone tell me why?”

Some students looked around curiously while some stewed in their thoughts, one filly in the back raised her hoof.

“Becauthe we can gueth what will happen now athter looking what happened back then?” The filly timidly questioned through her lisp.

Cheerilee smiled, “that's correct Twist.” She started pulling out history books and news articles to display relevant images. “When we look back at history, when we first encountered a new race, and we can see what happened on both sides and because we know why both sides did what they did, it gives us context on how to approach new situations in the present.”

“For example, when the griffins encountered ponies, they were territorial because of the recent death of their king and because they knew that without him the Griffin state might be seen as crumbling with the loss of their ruler. Coupled with the fact that pony settlers started logging nearby woods that the griffins had laid claim to, the griffins saw it as an attempt to steal their land and attacked in what they perceived as rightful retaliation. And though the situation did get resolved eventually, that incident soured relations for many moons. The perceived slight on the griffins side, and the attack on our ancestors side. Both sides made mistakes and could have taken action to lessen the risks, but nopony knew that they needed to.”

Cheerilee smiled out at all her students, “That’s why context is so important. It teaches us how to behave when we don’t know for sure what’s appropriate.” She snuck a look at the clock.

“Now I believe it’s time for Show and Tell, I believe you three said you had something special you wanted to show us today?” The three fillies she addressed had huge smiles on their faces and the bright orange one raise her hoof.

“You betcha! But I have to go get it first, I promise I’ll be right back.”

Before their teacher could object Scootaloo was out the door and practically gone.

She made to give chase, but Sweetie Belle promised that ‘we got this.’ This did not assuage her anxiety in the least.

When Scootaloo came back she seemed to be ushering something inside.

“Girls, I thought I told you that you’re not allowed to bring animals to show and tell anymore.”

“It isn’t an animal,” assured Scootaloo, “not really.”

Cheerilee’s first thought of “Sweet Celestia they caught a monster” was cut short as a tall figure stooped under the door frame of the school house and then stood back up.

Cheerilee slowly pulled her gaze from the creature in front of her to the newspaper sporting its picture.

As the Cutie Mark Crusaders introduced the newest species to step into the world to a group of school children, Cheerilee felt mightily conflicted. Being fully aware that next to nothing was known about its kind, and presumably it knew nothing of pony society.

“Everypony,” Sweetie Belle chimed, “I give you: The hughemaan!”

The foals in attendance, to put it bluntly, lost their collective minds in the way only children can. Reactions ranged from Snips wild eyed terror, to Hard Rock's hyperactive excitement usually only attainable through intravenous stimulant consumption. The strange being stood in the eye of the storm, seemingly undaunted by the cacophony of exclamations and questions shouted in its vicinity.

Cheerilee was at a loss. As the volume and excitement among the students grew however, years of teaching experience kicked in and she reigned in the foals nearly on instructional instinct alone while her mind tried to catch up to recent events. Soon she had quieted the class to an acceptable level and turned to the three fillies standing proudly next to their new companion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy stood as still as he could manage inside the hurricane of insanity around him. One foal looked absolutely terrified and had managed to wedge him/herself into a corner, more impressively instead of simply cowering in the corner of the room the youngling had gained elevation and was backing up against the ceiling spider man style. Another was breaking out the measuring tape with a worrying glint in its eyes.

Though eventually the teacher, that was only what she could be seeing the place was THE stereotypical schoolhouse, started calming the kids down. On the plus side he was getting better at judging gender, though so far he had seen only females up till now if his guesswork was on point. Was it a lion pride kinda deal around here? Lots of females and a few guys? That would make for some very interesting family dynamics.

His mind and eyes started to wander as the chaos was slowly brought to heel. This was really the stereotypical elementary classroom. Cubbies filled with books and pencils, little desks for the foals to sit in, colorful pictures with what had to be motivational messages or educational factoids. There was even what looked like an alphabet ceiling liner running along the walls.

...Wait a minute.

That’s exactly what it was, it just had different symbols for each one. First was an apple, then a bee, then a cat. Unless this was a rather wild coincidence and this just corresponded to their own words…

But it was worth a shot.

As the din was finally dying down Troy began drawing on the chalkboard, writing down his guess for the corresponding letters in each language. After that was done he wrote “Can you read this?” in both his language and what he presumed was the other letters. Then wrote a yes/no again in both languages.

This was admittedly a long shot, even if by coincidence they had a similar letter system to English there was no guarantee that anything would be spelled even remotely the same. Heck, even if they did have the same ‘words’ those words might have drastically different meanings. The more he thought about this the dumber he felt. Odds were he had just doodled on the chalkboard and nothing would make sense.

Feeling dejected he put the chalk back on the tray and turned back to the classroom. They were all staring at him now. Well, they had been doing that from the beginning but this was more intense than when some of them were screaming. Somehow. The teacher, who was some kinda purplish pink approached the chalkboard and circled “Yes” before writing, “Can you understand these letters?” with both alphabets.

Troy let out a whoop and pumped his fist as he circled yes. He turned back to see an obviously startled teacher and some of the kids were hiding under their desks. Sheepishly he wrote “Sorry. Very Happy. Very Excited.” After the others visibly calmed he started writing more.

“Had to talk with drawings before. Now I can talk for real.”

He paused.

“Almost.”

He smiled at the teacher, before continuing. “I imagine you have many questions, I have a few as well. Why don’t we help each other out?”

And there was much rejoicing.

In the beginning the teacher led with most of the standard questions.
“What are you?’
“What is your name?”
“Where did you come from?”
“Where is Mt. Rainier?
“What is the United States of America?”
“Why are you here?”
“What do you mean ‘by accident’?”

The conversation devolved somewhat from there so she opened up the floor to the kids. The first question was from the orange one asking what was the song that he had sung to them. He happily wrote out the lyrics and explained the history behind it, about the story of the hobbit and the ring and the dwarves and the dragon. Then about the war of the ring and it was only when he started talking about the Simarillian and the origins of Sauron being a servant of Morgoth that he realized he might have gone off on a bit of a tangent and opened up the floor to more questions. He had kept things as brief as he could, but he was aware small children came with smaller attention spans. Still, it had been an abbreviated version to the point of near bastardization but that's life for you.

A flurry of hooves went up and the teacher began taking more. Troy took the time to really look at the foals, each one was so different. It was interesting to see the individual differences, right up until he saw one that was familiar, and glaring at him with absolute daggers.

And he had a sinking feeling he knew what she would ask. He kept answering the questions and carefully hid his panic. He was fortunate that this hadn’t blind sided him, but he was over a barrel and he knew it. He began formulating his answer, he wouldn’t be able to deflect or distract. But if he could roll with the punches he might come out of this unscathed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cheerilee looked at the clock and realized that class should have been over half an hour ago. She was ready to field the last round of questions for the hugheman, or rather the human, as the answer to the first question the students had asked had clarified that particular verbal misunderstanding..

“Okay everypony, are there any more questions before our guest has to go?” She offered.

Some of the questions she had been given were… questions only a child could ask. “How are you so tall?” rarely had a worthwhile answer.

“I do.” Shouted Diamond Tiara. Cheerilee had seen a glint in her eyes that she wasn’t sure she liked so she had been avoiding calling on her to try to keep the peace. But it got to the point where avoiding her would only make things worse.

“Yes, Diamond?”

“Why were YOU!” She pointed accusingly “looking in my window that night?”

The class went dead quiet and looked at the human. Cheerilee wasn’t sure what to do, so she decided to simply ask the accused party. Once she transcribed the question to the board she stood back, not knowing what to expect. To her relief the human simply picked up the piece of chalk and began to write.

“To answer that most simply, I was looking for strangers like me. I found you by accident, I am sorry if I frightened you.”

Cheerilee and the rest of the class mulled the answer over in their minds and the classroom became a hurricane of whispers. Cheerilee wrote “Could you explain?” This was fairly important and if a misunderstanding took place here and now it could have repercussions on a national level.

“When I was in your forest, I found creatures that deeply frightened me. But worse than finding monsters, and worse than being lost, was being alone. For much of my peoples history, to be alone is to be vulnerable. So in my fear I sought others like me. When I first encountered your kind I had no idea what to think of you and couldn't imagine what you would think of me. So I looked for any place that might house one of my kin. Your house was one of the biggest so that was one of the places I first looked.” He wrote a little more, then turned and bowed. “Again, if I have scared you or done you any undue harm I deeply apologize.”

Everyone was shocked, this big creature had been scared? Was that possible? Then again, it WAS fleeing from the Everfree forest. Nopony likes the idea of being in there. And nohuman relished the idea either it would seem.

Everyone turned their attention to Tiara as she fumbled and mumbled before realizing that everypony's attention was on her now. “I wasn’t afraid,” she said a bit too loudly. “But, since you said you were sorry, it’s alright I guess. So long as you never do it again!” she demandingly declared.

Cheerilee felt no small amount of relief, as she relayed the words and the incident gracefully came to a close. The human excused himself and Cheerilee took that as a cue to end school for the day.

Though she stopped one student on his way out. “Featherweight, I noticed you were taking notes in the back, it was for the school paper correct?”

“Yes, miss Cheerilee!” He happily confirmed. “I wrote down everything, word for word! I was going to take it to the presses tomorrow.”

Cheerilee smiled at his enthusiasm “What would you say about showing those notes to somepony before the printing? I know somepony who would be really happy to see them.” she said as she thought of one pony that would wrestle a manticore for even a peek at the transcripts of what had just taken place.

“I don’t knoooww.” Featherweight said slowly. “Who is it? Do they have their own paper?”

Cheerilee laughed as she reassured her student. “I am fairly certain she does not.”

‘Weeeeeeeell…… Okay. But she can’t tell anypony. Not before the paper is out.”

"Alright then, come with me please." Though she paused as a distinct orange filly passed.

"Excuse me, Scootaloo? I know the school is fairly close to the Everfree forest, but how did you get the human here without anypony noticing?" She had been partially expecting SOMEPONY to show up, either out of curiosity or concern, but nopony had.

"Pssh, that's easy. Covered wagon. Well, apple cart, but same difference."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy walked home with a skip in his step. He had taken down the translation cypher on a spare sheet of paper when he had left, so now he could actually talk to the pony people. Well as close as he was going to get to talking with his distinctly non equine voice-box, but still. PROGRESS! Though he had barely dodged some character assassination back there practically matrix style. Maybe he should go into politics? Nah. Better to quit while he still had a soul to sell.

Though he did feel a bit sheepish with his massive nerd out back there. He had gone on and on, but the kids seemed to have really enjoyed it. Though he could have sworn they had given him weird looks when he insisted dragons were not actually real, and just instead legends meant to explain unknown phenomena like lightning in the past.

A thought occurred to him, “ I did tell them it was just a story…”

“...Right?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is everything alright?” Cheerilee said through a strained smile.

Twilight Sparkle was a lot of things, but alright didn’t feel like an accurate descriptor. She was hyperventilating, first off, and she was bent over the notes with her bulging bloodshot eyes practically licking the words, as she drank in the knowledge in a similar mode to that of a man who had been stranded in a desert for 8 months being given a glass of water. All the while a quill and paper manufactured a copy of the notes at a frightening pace.

“Miss Twilight?” Featherweight gently prodded.

“Ihavetosendaletterrealquickokaythanksbye” She shouted as she bolted up the stairs to her bedroom. “SPIKE! LETTER!” she shouted as the door slammed behind her before opening again as she stuck her head out “Don’t worry Featherweight, I will make sure to cite you properly, I promise!” SLAM!

The mare’s head had barely cleared the doorway before it slammed again.

The foal in question turned to his teacher “Is she going to be okay?”

Miss Cheeriee decided to answer as best as the circumstances allowed. “Honestly, she’s taking it better than I expected.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greg Sargent stood tall outside Celestia’s bed chambers, and saluted the princess of the night as Luna entered. The exchange was brief, but he had been told to let her in, as Celestia had asked for her presence as soon as it was convenient.

The grand doors swung shut with graceful ease. Bits of pleasantry and conversation could be heard through the door, but the guard put them out of his mind as he stood silently gazing at the hallway. Constantly scanning for anything that might pose a threat to her highness. Nothing would escape his gaze, nothing pass his notice, and noth-

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MULTIPLE DARK LORDS?!”

Luna's thundered shout boomed and made both of the guards jump, not by nerves, but by sheer force and volume.

“Well.” Greg idly commented as he straightened his helmet and tried to get the ringing out of his ears. “That can’t be good.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence. And it was often difficult to tell which was which.”
-Douglas Adams

Author's Note

For those curious to what stemmed mason jars look like.

p.s. If you want a real good time, read the tackleweed section in the voice of David Attenborough

Political Postulation

Chapter 14

Political Postulation

Edited by: Neko-, Shalrath, and Courage Fire

The chariot bounced erratically, its wheels spinning freely in the jetstream of open air. A team of griffins pulled their burden and plowed forward, indifferent to the turbulence at this altitude, but it left Ambassador Maurice Laud feeling queasy.

His lack of control over the flight did no favors for his stomach, but the abrupt diplomatic situation he had been dragged into had given even less care for his concerns. It didn’t help that he got airsick relatively easily, while it wasn’t wholly unheard of for griffins and other creatures that usually flew under their own power, his stomach always seemed more sensitive than others. He winced as the flying chariot jostled him, going a bit green in the beak.

He gagged and tried to tune out the sensations of flight. To that end, he turned to his secretary for what he knew was going to be an unpleasant conversation.

“So, *ulp* Miss Beakley.”

A marvelous specimen of a griffin turned and leered at him over the rims of her half-moon reading glasses. She was young and a recent hire, but she was fiercely talented and quite fierce in general. Looking at her now, however, it would have been hard to believe, as the ride was not doing her any favors either. It seemed that misery loves company after all.

“How has this… unexpected adventure affected our scheduling for the foreseeable future?”

The sour look on her face curdled further into a venomous glare before snapping into a very fake facsimile of innocent idle thought.

“Well, since you asked...” She said in that magical tone that sounded both like peppy girl talk but retained a dangerous undertone, like the rumblings of an avalanche, all at the same time. She pulled out a scroll from her bag, unfurled it with a bit of excessive flourish, and cleared her throat.

“We’ve had to move our regular meeting with the prime minister back by two weeks. Our trip to the outer isles of Selt is completely on hold. We are going to miss the little party put on by Duke Bartholemew Widdlewiskers. The play that was to be put on by the-” she continued to list over several more items, all the while her fake happy attitude became a lot less chipper and gained a certain amount of edge. That amount was a lot. Before she finally turned back to the ambassador.

“Now,” Her eyes flaring dangerously, “Was there anything else I should be rescheduling, again, or does that answer your question?”

Laud paused for a moment to think. He was contemplating how to properly answer and finally formulated his response.

“You forgot about Grover’s day.”

Her expression swung from exasperated, to stunned, to inarticulate rage, then to realization before circling back to finally land on defeated frustration.

“...Ah pluck, you’re right.” She pulled out a quill and started scratching away with a sigh. “I can’t believe we have to just upend everything just because some pony is freaking about some big bugaboo or whatever.”

“While I hope that is not the case.” Laud said diplomatically, “I can’t deny the possibility. However, I doubt that is the situation we are currently facing.”

“Oh really, what makes you say that?” Beakley replied disinterestedly not even attempting to sound enthusiastic in the slightest.

“Because of how the writ of summons was worded: ‘Discussions of a paramount nature’ is… an odd turn of phrase.”

A smidgen of genuine interest flickered briefly in the eyes of his assistant. “Odd how?”

“She didn’t include the why.”

“The what?”

“No, the why.”

“That’s what I- aargh” The surly secretary grunted in both frustration and at the rather hard jostling from a bit of turbulence. “Hilarious Maurice, so why in the flying feathery pluck does that matter?”

“Language Beatrice.” The ambassador admonished, only to get a steely glare in return. He sighed and began his explanation.

“Because the letter is intentionally vague while stating its importance. That’s not her usual code of conduct, she may insert personal questions and statements into her correspondence, but the letters always arrive at their point and purpose.”

Beatrice Beakly nodded along until her patience wore out ”So what does it all MEAN?”

Ambassador Maurice Laud of Highreach smiled and shook his head “Not a clue in the slightest. We’ll find out more when we get there.”

A rather large bump pushed the ambassador over the edge and his face went a particularly angry shade of chartreuse. He pulled out one of the complimentary paper bags from its holder and made some not so dignified noises that miss Beakley tried to ignore. She failed, it was too much for her now and she grabbed a bag of her own and joined her boss as the pair lost their lunch.

“Uuuuugh. Are we there yet?” groaned Beatrice the not-so-happy bird.

The griffin guard that was pulling the chariot turned his head, “We will arrive in about two hours, once we get over this mountain range it will be smoother flying and a straight shot to Canterlot.”

Both occupants made very unhappy, undiplomatic noises accompanied by some rude gestures courtesy of Beatrice. Protocol dictated they couldn't fly under their own power until they had made it to the castle proper, and neither birdcat was happy about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The chariot finally, FINALLY touched down on the ground. The occupants wasted no time, leaping from the vehicle as if it was on fire and onto the blessed earth, with Miss Beakley hopping up and gliding in a low circle around the accursed contraption to settle her stomach.

Laud meanwhile tipped the guard and then went about making himself presentable. Producing a small mirror from his luggage and settling his ruffled feathers. Once Beatrice completed her circuit he offered her the mirror. She went about putting herself to rights as she started grumbling.

“Why exactly do we need to fly in these stupid things?”

Laud answered her question with another, “Could you carry all your luggage and fly all the way here from Highreach WITHOUT getting lost? I know I couldn’t.”

Miss Beakley’s low rumbling of ‘maybe I could’ didn’t hold the ambassador’s attention as a well-dressed unicorn approached the landing pad.

“Good to see you again, ambassador Laud. It has been far too long.” The pony intoned as he took a short bow.

Maurice smiled as he replied, “And it is good to see you as well, Silver Sheen. You look well.”

“Thank you, sir. I’ve already arranged for a bath and a meal.” Silver Sheen gave Maurice a look over and though he hid his reaction well, the ambassador knew that he’d looked like he had been run over by the chariot, rather than having ridden in it.

“The trip seems to have been particularly unkind this time around.” The servants' eyes wandered a bit, looking for something to change the topic, and brightened when they landed on the secretary fixing her feathers. “Ah now, who might this be? I do not believe I have had the pleasure of making your acquaintance, young miss. I am Silver Sheen, one of the many butlers of Canterlot castle and you are?”

The young miss in question looked slightly uncomfortable at the sudden unexpected attention. She overcorrected by suddenly sitting up straight and puffing out her chest.

“I, um. My name is Beatrice Beakley, I am Mister Laud’s secretary. Uh, sir.” She thrust out her claw out ramrod straight.

Silver backed off a step until he realized what she wanted, and with a chuckle stepped forward and accepted her very stiff clawshake. “Well met miss Beatrice, I’m sure it will be a pleasure to work with you. From what I’ve seen, Mister Laud has a rather keen eye for talent.”

Mister Laud himself chuckled as he leaned into the conversation. “I have no idea where you got that impression, but you might actually be right this time around.” he gestured to his aid. “Miss Beakley here may be a recent hire, but she is the best secretary I’ve ever had by a mountain mile.” Maurice scratched his head and made a well-practiced effort to appear nonchalant.

“Although we haven’t had the opportunity to go over the finer points of etiquette and all the considerations that come with being part of a diplomatic entourage.” He carefully slipped the butler a small, but still substantial amount of coinage.

“It would really put me at ease if you and yours could… Run interference if anything comes up.”

Silver held the coins in his hoof, before replying. “I know I keep telling you this, but you don’t need to pay me to do my job. My duty is to see to any request you might possibly have. Mind you, I still appreciate the gesture.”

Maurice smiled, “Old customs, you know how things work in the griffin lands. If I break this habit here then I run the risk of forgetting it somewhere it matters. It would put my mind at ease if you accepted this gift.”

The butler smiled and swiftly stowed the coins in one of the pockets of his coat.

“Ha, twist my tail why don’t you. I’ll pass the word along to the other staff later. In the meantime, let me show you to the baths.”

He led the two to a partitioned room filled with steam. The bathing accommodations were amazing as always. The main portion of the bath had been adjusted to be only ankle deep. This agreed with the dual avian and feline nature of griffins as the ambassador gave himself a much-needed birdbath. Judging from the delighted noises Beatrice was making on the other side of the partition she was just as thrilled as her boss.

Eventually, a servant came with a fluffy robe and offered to escort the ambassador to his room. The ambassador smiled at his secretary, who was visibly in a better mood, as they walked down the hall.

“Enjoy the bath?”

“I used to think the only way I was ever going to have a bath that big was to go jump in a river.” She snuggled into her luxuriously fluffy robe. “I could get used to this.”

Maurice let out a laugh at that.

“Careful, if you let yourself get spoiled now you’ll never be satisfied with anything you or I could reasonably afford. Try to think of this as a perk of the job.”

As his secretary let out a wistful sigh they arrived at their accommodations. The two rooms were side by side in a section of the castle meant to house foreign dignitaries. Beatrice went into her room while he entered his. This suite was familiar to him, having spent many nights here before on various occasions that demanded his presence within the castle. His luggage had been moved into the suite while he had been enjoying the bath and he started to whistle a jaunty tune as he moved some of his nicer coats from traveling cases to hanging closets.

Suddenly he heard someone fiddling with the handle of the side door of the room. Having an inkling of an idea of what might be happening, he went over to the door and unlocked it. The door suddenly swung open to show a rather surprised Beatrice.

She immediately looked confused, though her expression rapidly fermented into incredulity.

“Why are we in joined rooms?” It was less a question and more an accusation.

“So we can talk as often as we need to, without advertising the fact we are meeting,” Maurice answered matter of factly. Though this did little to lessen her glare.

“I’m not sure I feel comfortable sleeping in a room anygriffin can just waltz into.”

The ambassador's seemingly permanent smile fell away into a more neutral expressionless mask. “First off, those doors lock from both sides miss Beakley, but more importantly I don’t like what you're trying to imply. I am married, you know.”

Beatrice didn’t back down, “That doesn't stop some griffins from trying to have a little something on the side.” Her eyes never left his level gaze.

Maurice let out a sigh before straightening himself and took a seat in front of the suspicious birdcat.

“Alright listen, I didn’t exactly plan on bringing a secretary I’ve had for only a week to a foreign country. I had intended to train you in proper etiquette for at LEAST three months and then introduce you at one of the functions in the fall or winter since they tend to be more subdued affairs attended by smaller crowds.”

He ran his claws back over the crest of his head.

“However, the abruptness of this summon ruined all that. So now here we are. I was going to teach you this later, but I suppose now is as good as time as any.”

Beatrice furrowed her brow.

“Teach me what?” Caution still present in her voice.

After a moment’s consideration, Maurice replied “Something of a crash course in self-discipline and the basics of diplomacy.”

He settled in for what was likely to be a lengthy chat. “Miss Beakley, who are oaths important to?”

She scrunched her face up “I, what?”

“Who are oaths important to?”

After a bit of puzzled contemplation, she spoke.

“Judges? Knights and Kings maybe? I don’t see where you are going with this.”

Maurice shook his head, “You’ll understand in a moment, and to be more accurate, others generally care about oaths that affect themselves. For example; if one griffin swears an oath to serve another griffin, you don’t particularly care about it do you?”

Beatrice slowly shook her head no.

“However if some griffin came up to you and swore to serve you until the end of their days that would be something you would care about, wouldn’t it?”

She slowly nodded, “Okay, but how does this keep you out of my bed exactly? Don’t tell me you're going to solemnly swear to-” she stopped as her employer shook his head.

“I’m getting to that, patience. Now, which oath would carry more weight, a vow to serve someone till the end of your life, or a promise to not tickle someone?”

The pause that came after this question was both long and awkward.

“I’m going to guess the vow of eternal servitude?” she said lamely.

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why is that one more important?”

Beatrice seemed puzzled but replied, “Because swearing to serve a griffin for a lifetime is going to affect both parties for a very long time?” She said with a bit more confidence.

Maurice tapped the side of his beak with a claw.

“Very good, now can you give me an example where the opposite would be true? Where somegiffin would value an oath of ‘no tickling’ over an oath of eternal servitude.”

As Beatrice sunk into thought again, she was visibly more relaxed though still confused.

“I think a young chick would prefer someone not tickling them, and I can’t wait for when this will start making sense.”

The ambassador finally relented. “Because different individuals value different things, certain oaths hold more weight than others. Marriage vows, even for those unhappily married, are supposed to be cherished by those who make them, and who should care about upholding those vows the most. Even more so in my case.”

“Why is that?” Beatrice queried, relieved that this griffin was finally getting to the point.

“Because my ability to keep oaths is one of the reasons I can maintain my station. I have access to some of the most sensitive secrets out there, and not just in griffin lands, but Equestria and beyond, and I need to be worthy of the trust required to keep them.” He answered. “How could I be trusted to keep my oaths to my country when I can’t even keep my word to my own wife? While some may look past that kind of indiscretion, if such a thing were to come to light, it would be a political weakness that could be easily exploited. The likely result would be my removal from my position as ambassador in service to removing that weakness.”

Beatrice looked both relieved and troubled at her boss's words.

“All of this is to say, I am not going to do anything untoward to you. If you can’t bring yourself to believe it’s because of my own moral fiber, then at least believe it is out of my own self-interest. Why in Equestria would you think I would do such a thing?”

She was quiet for a moment before finally answering in a small, uncharacteristically soft voice.

“Why would you hire me then? I’m just some hen from Griffinstone, I don’t have the pedigree or bearing that I’m sure some other birds you might’ve hired have. I knew that some important tercels liked to mess around with their secretaries and I thought I could keep clear of something like that.”

She sagged into the floor.

“But after everything you said, I feel… a lot better, but I don’t have anything else to offer. Not really.”

Maurice watched her for a moment before gesturing to a side table.

“Could you grab that newspaper for me real quick?”

Miss Beakley blinked in surprise before going over to the table and retrieving the paper.

“What do you need this for?”

He smiled as she handed it over to him.

“This.”

Swift as the wind he rolled the paper up and whacked her over the head with it eliciting a surprised squawk as he pointed the newspaper at her like a saber.

“Now you listen to me, I don’t do charity cases. I hired you because when you came to me looking for a job, I gave you a task and you immediately set to it. I hired you because your organizational work is some of the best I have ever seen. Do you think I would just let any random bird who walks in my door manage my schedule after only a WEEK?! You are not just some hen from Griffinstone, you are Beatrice plucking Beakley, aid to the ambassador of Highreach,” he slapped the newspaper down for emphasis, “and don’t you plucking forget it!”

She stood there shell-shocked for a moment before raising a single claw.

“Language, Mister Laud.”

They both stood there for a moment before bursting out into laughter. It took them a while but they soon started to regain their composure.

“Ah, aha haha. Haaaa. Okay, you got me there.” Maurice conceded. “Now let's talk about how to properly accept a bribe.”

Beatrice, who had been in the process of recovering nearly choked at his words.

“What are you- What about all that stuff about oaths and keeping your word and stuff?!” She only paused when she saw his mischievous smile. “Alright, what are we actually going to talk about?”

His smile widened as he rolled his eyes. “Oh go ahead and ruin my fun. In essence, we’re going to do a little exercise involving hypothetical bribes, because while keeping your word is good. It is hard to do if you don’t understand the consequences of not staying on the straight and narrow. To start, let’s do a little math.”

The groans from the peanut gallery were not lost on him, but Maurice powered on.

“I know, I know. Just humor me. How much money would it take for you to tell someone a secret that, if it got out you had leaked the information, would get you fired? Don’t say the number, just try to figure it out in your head.”

Beatrice thought for a moment before nodding her head. “Okay, got it. What now?”

“Now for the math, your pay is a thousand bits a week right? How do you feel about that amount?”

“It’s the highest paying job I’ve ever had, and yeah a thousand a week.”

He nodded at her words.

“Right, so let’s put things into perspective, there are fifty-two weeks in the year, let’s subtract 2 weeks for unpaid holidays. We won’t go over paid leave since that won’t affect the numbers. So an entire year's worth of pay for you is going to be around fifty thousand bits.” He smiled as he saw the light click on behind his secretary's eyes, she hadn’t realized just how much money she would be making yet. “We’ll ignore raises to keep things simple, otherwise if you keep working for me until retirement that would be around thirty to forty years worth of pay. Meaning, if you retire early, you would have one million five hundred thousand bits earned over tenure with me.”

Her eyes at this point were practically glowing bit coins, and he could have sworn that if he had been listening he could have heard the sound of a register *ka-ching*.

“So,” he brought her back to reality with a light clap, “If someone offered to bribe you, they would have to offer that much at the absolute minimum for you to break even with what you would get from me, though that’s only in monetary value, but we’ll touch on intangibles in a moment. So how does that number compare to the bribe you would have taken before we did all the math?”

Miss Beakley shook her head, “I hadn’t…. it wasn’t anywhere that… what do you mean ‘intangibles’?”

The shock was wearing off, but it was clear that her initial notion of a substantial bribe was nothing compared to the long-haul results of her work.

“In a moment, because the more reasonable bribes would be two or three times what you get for your entire service. So if you get caught and believe you me, you will be, there are a lot of griffins whose entire job is just to find and catch somefeather who’s selling sensitive information or doing things they shouldn’t. Anyway, best to assume that any crime you commit will be uncovered eventually. So in order to relocate somewhere without extradition, and buy your anonymity and live the rest of your life in comfort, you will need somewhere in the ballpark of four million bits for that to be a worthwhile trade.”

“Wait, that’s the kind of money being thrown around out there?!”

Maurice laughed, “No not even close. You’ll be lucky to get a tenth of that. However, now when some scrupless ne'er-do-well approaches you with an offer, it won’t sound nearly as tempting will it?”

She violently shook her head, “Pluck no, not even getting a THIRD of what I could have otherwise? No thank you.”

The ambassador smiled and nodded along, “Exactly. Knowing your worth lets you fight off these temptations. It also helps to understand the ‘intangible’ benefits and drawbacks. Like if you didn’t take the bribe you would be a well-connected, well-respected member of society, and gain all the benefits that come with that.“

“However, if you took the bribe, once discovered, you would be a fugitive on the run. At best would have to be on the lamb for the rest of your life. There would be certain places you couldn’t go, individuals you would have to avoid, both arbiters of law and scoundrels. After all, you couldn’t go to a guard if you got robbed now could you.” He adopted a falsetto imitation of his secretary. “Please help me, some foul beast stole all my bribe money.”

He dropped the facade with a wry smile. “Not a lot of options for recourse there.”

She snorted at his antics. “I think I get it. It’s hard to stick to your morals just for the sake of being moral. It’s more practical to be moral for the sake of being practical.”

Maurice smiled and nodded at her. “Good answer, now we’ll go over the protocol for when we meet the princesses. Oh, before that.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “Don’t let on that you’ve only been my secretary for a week. You’re a ‘new hire’, no one needs to know anything more than that.”

She nodded seriously. “Got it. Though if it’s that big of an issue why am I even here?”

She got a long-suffering sigh that prefaced her answer.

“Because important people need an entourage to help them look important. If I came here alone it would reflect badly on the parties we’re here to represent. It’s silly, but that’s also politics. Now let’s start with approaching the princess in the throne room. Posture will be important, now let me show you what you need to do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, elsewhere…

Troy was quite happy. Looking back his trip to the school had been an odd one. He had been unsure what the tiny baby ponies had wanted in the beginning. And it took him a while to figure out they had wanted him to get into a little red wagon. He had to curl his body into something akin to the fetal position to get in. He had only gotten more concerned when they threw a blanket over him. He had no idea how to respond to the situation he found himself in. So with no immediate threat and not a lot of options, he just rolled with it.

On reflection, he had been absurdly lucky. He had been outright told not to go into town, and while it might not have been his intention, he had made the trip with surprisingly little in the way of trouble. Heck, he might have cleared up one of the few major blunders he had made. So all in all, things were looking to be on the up and up.

Troy’s gaze idly wandered. He hadn’t seen much in the way of ponies on his way back to the forest, and the one or two he did see didn’t seem too freaked out. Maybe going into the town wouldn’t be a problem from now on?

He saw a group of 3 ponies walking and talking, when one of them turned and noticed him he waved. Judging by the result, this was not the correct response.

The first one started screaming, then the other two looked, and then THEY started screaming. One clutched her face with her hooves and screamed some sort of chant that he couldn’t understand. In an isolated part of his mind, Troy was rather impressed with the sense of balance demonstrated. A quadruped clutching its face and staying upright probably wasn’t an easy feat. Then, as if by some unknown cue, all three dropped to the ground in a dead faint.

Troy for his part, had not moved an inch after he had recoiled in shock from the initial scream. Now that the show was over he slowly looked around. No one seemed to be coming or looked to be around. Then he remembered that some of these things could fly and looked up and about.

And saw he was being watched.

...At least he thought he was, it was hard to tell since the pegasus in question was rather walleyed. He gave a hesitant wave which the pony returned enthusiastically. Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor he turned and started power walking towards the forest. Not fast enough to implicate guilt, but he was suddenly very aware that this may have been a bad idea. He was starting to wish he had waited for the foals after they had gotten swarmed by their classmates. Maybe sneaking off hadn’t been the best idea?

Hopefully, this little snafu would be the dry subpar cherry on the top of his stellar today sundae. He couldn’t imagine that entering a forest that had routinely tried to kill him could be any worse than any future consequence for today's actions. And why was he smelling ozone?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile back at the library…

“Yes!” Twilight shouted in joy as her horn blazed with a lavender glow.

Ecstasy flowed through her as line after line fountained forth from her quill. She thrust forward, grabbing a new piece of paper. She was practically holding on for dear life as a slew of questions exited her rapidly moving writing implement. The knowledge she could have, the heights she would achieve, the answers that would finally be hers.

“YES!”

Spike walked around the corner wearing a rather dapper sun hat and had a shopping bag slung over his shoulder.

“Hey Twi, I’m going to go grocery shopping and get a bite to eat, want me to bring you back a hayburger?”

“YES!”

Spike nodded and left without a word. Outside he saw a blushing blue earth pony holding a library book. He approached Spike as soon as he saw him exit the library and after a few stops and starts, he finally managed to ask, “I was wondering if I could get an extension on this book, but I can come back, if um... if you guys are busy.”

A resoundingly inappropriate and slightly muffled “YES!” reverberated from the library.

The pony jumped a little at the sudden sound. Spike for his part just shrugged. He had no context to how these shouts sounded to others, outside of ‘Twilight being weird’.

“Well, she’s the boss,” he said nonchalantly and pulled a quill from his bag and wrote an extension date into the book, then made a note for himself to update the library's records.

Returning the book to the surprised and deeply blushing pony, Spike started down the road. There were groceries to buy, and some ruby-encrusted cupcakes were calling his name. After all, it was best not to shop for food on an empty stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at Castle Canterlot

“You may both rise. It is good to see you again Ambassador Laud.”

The griffin lifted himself from his bow and took a moment to watch miss Beakley do the same. Although unrefined, her movements were satisfactory. When she realized he was watching him, Laud gave her an approving nod before turning back to their hosts.

“You as well, your highness. Though if I might be so impertinent as to ask, why have you summoned me on such short notice?”

He let the question hang, Celestia for her part looked impassive, yet troubled.

“A reasonable request, one I would fulfill if it were not for our given circumstances.”

Laud worked to keep his rising nerves from raising his hackles or puffing out his feathers. Here it came, time to get some answers.

“What are these circumstances you speak of? If we are in danger or if there is a credible threat to either Equestria or the Griffin States then I have a right to know.” He stated firmly.

The way the princess shook her head sent rippling eddies through her flowing mane.

“I can assure you there is no threat presently. The simplest answer I can give is that an event has taken place. One that requires the immediate attention of all nations, so in the interest of fairness I have called for representatives from all corners of our world to inform them as soon as possible without risking one party being informed before another.”

The ambassador paused at this news. “Even the dragons?”

Celestia nodded this time. “Even the dragons. Though they replied in the usual fashion.”

“Ah. I see.”

He smoothed the creases of his suit while he thought. Nodded to himself, then bowed.

“I understand, in that case, I will be in your care until then. Do we have an estimate as to how long it will take for the delegates to be assembled and the meeting arranged?”

“Most sent word ahead, those who did not have either already arrived or have indicated they have chosen to not be present. The last should arrive in two days, the meeting will be held the day after that.”

Laud rose from his bow. “Thank you, it sounds like we will have more to discuss soon. Until then, or until my presence is required, I will take my leave.”

“Thank you for your understanding ambassador Laud. I understand it may be frustrating to be called so suddenly, only to be told to wait. Please know that no slight is meant and it is only the result of us trying to handle a delicate situation. I would love to catch up when there is a spare moment, unfortunately, my court is going to be quite busy preparing for the rest of the delegates. Please rest and enjoy your stay for the time being.”

With his dismissal, Laud bowed again, and after a bit of prompting so did his secretary. With that, both turned and left the throne room.

It took only a minute for the secretary bird to slump and let out a sigh so large one could reasonably wonder if she was deflating.

“That was so much more nerve-wracking than I thought it would be. Nogriffin told me she’d be so, so… BIG!”

Laud chuckled, “I forget most griffins think she’s the size of a regular pony.”

“You could have warned me you know!” She complained as the pair walked towards their accommodations.

“Honestly it didn’t cross my mind that you would need a warning.” he shrugged.

“Fine.” She relented, “Still, couldn’t she at least have told us why we had to rush here instead of just schedule a meeting.”

Laud never broke his stride as he leaned in to whisper. “Wait until we get back to our rooms.” Before picking up the pace.

Confused, Beatrice sped up to follow her employer until they were safely ensconced in their attached rooms. Only then did the ambassador explain himself.

“She told us more than I think you realize, there is a lot a leader can’t say simply because they are a leader. So a lot of what they say is only as important as the way they say it.”

“For example, the princess stated that she wanted to speak of this matter with representatives of every stripe and state in attendance. Then more or less flat out told us the matter is important enough that it demands global attention, sensitive enough that the information can’t simply be disseminated by the usual channels and to top it off, this news is also delicate enough that the princess wants all the representatives to be informed at the same time.”

He paused, “Do you understand so far?”

She cupped her chin as she thought back to the conversation between the ambassador and the princess.

“Okay, I think so, buuuut,” She drew out the word as she thought, “that implies this thing is big enough to ruffle a lot of feathers if one group gets the scoop before anygriffin else.”

Laud nodded with a smile, “It helps explain the suddenness of the summons, they probably felt that there would be political fallout if they dragged their hooves.”

His face turned serious.

“But there’s still more you’re missing, perhaps the most important part.”

Beatrice noticed the rather sudden change in demeanor and tried not to show how much it worried her. She almost succeeded.

“What did I miss?”

“Do you remember when I asked about any threat to either the griffins or ponies? What was her response?”

“Didn’t she say there wasn’t any danger?”

The slow, serious shake of his head and his sudden intensity were starting to freak her out a little.

“What did she say,” The ambassador asked quietly. “What were her exact words?”

Maybe it was her nerves or the growing implications that slowed her down, but it took a moment for her to recall what the princess had said, and once she did her eyes went wide as her feathers started to stand on end. Laud took that moment to confirm her suspicions as he quoted the diarch.

‘I can assure you there is no threat presently.’

“With ‘presently’ being the keyword. Implying that while there is no threat now, that may be subject to change.”

Beatrice sat down hard, almost feeling like she was being crushed by the weight of the implications alone of what was happening. And then the rest of what Celestia had said hit her and she started to tremble as she put her sudden understanding into words.

“Something happened that revealed something that can affect the entire world, and it might be dangerous enough that everyg- everyone needs to be warned, even the dragons.”

She started to pace back and forth. “This is bad, really, really bad.” She only stopped when a claw gently took hold of her shoulder.

Laud’s face was still serious, but some of that gentle charm had seeped back out again. “Beatrice, take a breath and calm yourself. If things were really that bad we would have received an emergency summons or perhaps a letter explaining the situation without a care to the political ramifications. The fact that the ponies, despite their proclivity to do so, aren’t panicking means a lot. Whatever the situation on the horizon, it can be for good, ill, or both, but until we know more we have nothing to act upon. So we wait until we do.”

Miss Beakley for her part did an admirable job of regaining her composure, though it took a moment. After she had calmed down a look of curiousness came over her. “Now that I think about it, Celestia said the dragons replied in ‘the usual way’. What does that mean?”

An actual smile broke out onto the ambassador’s face again.

“They usually respond to any correspondence sent their way by returning the letter to its sender reconstituted into a pile of ash. I’m just happy they don’t do that to the messengers anymore.“

“Please, sit down. We have a lot to talk about.”

Chapter 16

“Please, sit down. We have a lot to talk about.”

Edited by: Biker_Dash

Troy was having an intense sense of deja vu. It hadn’t even been an hour since he had chased the wood wolves through the forest before he eventually lost track of the pack. Luckily, just as he was realizing he was actually lost, the zebra from before trotted up to him and waved again.

Eventually, he’d been able to communicate that he was lost, and she’d been kind enough to bring him back home. He swore the bridge had grown thicker again, and after some testing, was able to confirm it would still bear his weight and not catch on fire. The zebra had even been able to help with his discount Super Saiyan cosplay situation, creating some mixture that was able to slowly disperse the flames after she had gone for supplies. It was harrowing to experience, but hey, whatever works.

Now he was running from the purple one again, and she was on fire this time. She was also rapidly oscillating from screaming, to crying, which turned into scream-crying and then circling back around to screaming again. All of which in his opinion, was deeply unsettling. Seeing as dialogue was definitely no longer a viable option, he quickly vaulted over a low crumbling wall and booked it back across the castle lawn. Looking over his shoulder, he watched as his pursuer leaped over the obstruction, followed by the zebra, who in turn was followed by the lizard thing.

As Troy took stock of the situation, he rapidly concluded he had no idea how to proceed. Escape the deranged equine? She knows where you live. Escape into the forest? To what, get eaten? Those wooden wolves would definitely love to take another crack at it. Who knows, maybe the third time’s the charm? And would you look at that, good old Troy is already out of ideas. Fuck.

As he circled around to the main entrance, he remembered the booby traps deeper in. Now normally, Troy would insist on going slowly. At a speed with a lower likelihood of getting maimed by a rusty spike that’s been sitting in a wall for untold generations. However, as no other options were forthcoming, it was time to explore those ancient halls for someplace to hide. Which meant going balls deep, dick first, and at full ramming speed, straight into the unknown.

Again.

Hooray…

He turned and considered trying to slam the door in her face. Then he remembered she could teleport. He decided not to waste time and charged into the dingy castle. He was able to avoid the clearly marked traps of his earlier exploration. Unfortunately, the same went for his pursuer. But after this? It was in the hands of fate. As he ran past his final marked trap, he prepared for the worst and tried to avoid the areas where the traps seemed to congregate. Specifically, the center of the hallways and the walls. There were outliers here and there, but all he could really do was lengthen his stride and pray to the Almighty.

Unfortunately, either the J-man was screening his calls or the big guy upstairs was finding this situation far too entertaining to let it end so soon. Eventually, only after half a minute of evasive maneuvering, Troy felt as much as heard the ominous click as one of his footfalls landed on a section of brickwork that turned out to be a little too innocuous. He threw himself into a forward roll with the vain hope that maybe he wouldn’t be caught up in whatever ancient mechanism he’d just triggered.

Surprisingly enough it worked, as castle guests historically were expected to usually amble along at a speed appropriate for a casual stroll. As bolting through the hallways at a full sprint was typically seen as gauche at best, and a good reason to call the guards at worst. So, surprise surprise, whoever had engineered the trap had expected their victim to be adhering to proper niceties, and Troy was very much not, meaning the antiquated artificial ambuscade went off behind him. His impromptu combat roll allowed him to get a brief glance at the happenings, but against his better judgment, he found he had to just stop and stare.

His pursuer had been trapped in a giant transparent bubble. The sphere was covered in arcane glyphs that oscillated with energies Troy had no doubt were solidly camped in the ‘magic bullshit’ category, as a self-sustaining force field entrapped a now even more upset tiny horse. At least he assumed she was angrier judging by how many energy blasts she was letting loose in there. He hadn’t known she could do that. Good God, if she had remembered she could do that then this chase would have been way shorter.

At least it was over now. He watched her ram her horn into the glowing orb and bounce off. Troy worked on catching his breath as she stared him down. Before something changed, from her expression it was an epiphany of sorts, as her glare snapped to a semi-blank, ‘oh yeah duh’ look that rapidly morphed into a malevolent grin.

Troy didn’t have time to react as her horn ignited and she was suddenly right in front of him with a snapping CRACK. Troy had a single horrifying thought drift through the forefront of his mind.

Oh, right. She can do that.

And then she was back in the orb half a second later with another whipcrack of air.

This shocked her to a standstill.

For one full second.

Then she seemed to explode again and was probably screaming herself hoarse. At least that was what she was probably doing. No sound was coming through, but one had to assume the sphere tirade was epic in proportions. Meanwhile, while all this was happening, Troy tried to calm down a bit.

His heart hadn’t just skipped a beat when she pulled that teleport trick, it had done a whole damn river dance in his rib cage. He bent over, careful to not touch anything because he knew by now that any decorative wall sconce or innocuous piece of brickwork could lead to some kind of whammy. And it was only after he had got his breathing under control again that he looked up to see the now captive miniature menace was giving him the good ol’ mean mug. Upon seeing her mortal enemy had the audacity to return her gaze, she leaped at him, slamming on the side of the sphere.

Which shifted.

They both paused at that and looked at the base of the sphere, which appeared to be secured to its spot only with a small divot in the ground and the mercy of physics. They looked back up at the same time and Troy could practically see the gears turning behind her eyes as he did some math of his own.

She was trapped in a magic bubble that she couldn’t escape from easily. From what he’d seen, magic went haywire around him. So Troy + Bubble = Pop? He also remembered that direct contact with the stuff, really, REALLY hurt.

Troy turned on his heels as the zebra and lizard finally caught up with them, though the lizard got sucked into a wall sconce and fired up a pneumatic tube of some sort. Why or how that was functioning in a crumbling ancient castle was something Troy would have to ponder later as his tormentor, or in this case, T-orb-mentor was working herself free.

He barely turned the corner before he could hear the telltale sound of something rolling after him in pursuit.

Fuck.

The sound of the sphere banging against the walls was both startling and weird. It sounded like the tolling of a church bell but like it was put through a synthesizer with someone who had taken actual religious offense that the bass dial only went to ten and managed to somehow get it to the objectively correct position of twenty-seven. He could feel the fillings in his teeth shake loose with every minor impact, and whenever it slammed into something with full force it felt like his entire skeleton was vibrating out of alignment. Like every single bone was nudged a millimeter in a direction it wasn’t pointing the moment before.

Fuck this noise.

He started cutting through side rooms to dodge out of the way, doubling back, and even got lucky when a trap put him on the other side of the wall in a different hallway. Given the repeated banging of the war bells behind him, this did not please the pony girl. It gave him the breather he desperately needed after all the running. He angled in deeper into the Castle, it was harder to see now, even with all the natural light coming in from the holes in the ceiling. He had to be careful not to trip over debris, and it was slowing him down.

And then he arrived at a T-junction. He turned left, and the hallway came to a dead end, to the right, a collapsed passage. As Troy whirled around to backtrack, the dread gong rang as a purple demon slammed into the hall, contained but not restrained. She had him, and she knew it, he could see it in her eyes. Troy got ready to dodge when an idea struck him. It was full of unknowns, but he literally had his back to the wall.

He quickly undid his belt, sending his sheathed knife and axe to the ground. Then with a motion familiar to locker rooms worlds over, Troy snapped the worn belt forward as the doom orb approached with maximum velocity.

The next few seconds seemed to stretch into individual eternities as with the sound of a popping balloon, the containment orb vanished. As his pursuer sailed past, she and he locked eyes.

Honestly, Troy would have expected some rage or indignation, but instead, it was an expression more akin to an uncomprehending gawp. Clearly, she hadn’t expected that result either as momentum proved herself an unforgiving mistress to all as the pony sailed into the wall and kept right on going, leaving a sizable pony-shaped hole in the masonry.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Troy walked up and examined the decrepit stonework, scratching the joining mortar. It flaked away like old paint. Curiosity satisfied, he was about to turn and leg it some more, when two glowing malevolent eyes lit up the darkness of the old castle's freshest hole. Troy’s subconscious decided that hey, if it worked once, it could work twice, and he flicked his belt out again. This time the buckle caught on the small horn protruding from his assailant's forehead and promptly started to smoke, before the witchlight of whatever fell magic was being readied winked out like someone had flipped a light switch. The only sign that she was still there at all was that Troy was still holding onto a very taut belt leading into darkness. There was a pause. An unknown amount of time passed as two beings in contention found themselves completely without any idea about what to do. The spell was broken as the zebra and purple lizard rounded the corner.

Only for the lizard to fall through a trap door beneath his feet. Troy didn’t have the vantage to see, but he could hear just fine now that the magical ding-dong dome wasn’t trying to delete his eardrums, and he could recognize the “Oh, come on! Not again!” in the tone the little lizard used. The neighborly zebra fished around in her bag and pulled out a pole. One that definitely should not fit in a bag that size. Nevertheless, she lowered the pole down, and Troy found himself distracted from this new development with a tug on his own line.

He couldn’t really see inside the hole, but the tension was something fierce. He briefly considered bracing against the wall, but after remembering how this situation came to be, thought better of it and instead engaged in what felt like an extreme game of tug of war with the monster that lives in dark closets and under beds. As the belt drifted side to side as the pony on the end of the line tried to reel Troy in.

It was at this time he nearly lost his footing, because whatever shenanigans the two newcomers had gotten into had come to an end and had decided to announce themselves right behind him. After a few more moments of frantic belt pulling he managed to properly plant his feet again, but now he was at the mouth of the pony hole in the masonry. He wanted to turn and glare, but he wasn’t letting his attention drift so easily this time.

He heard a small voice come from behind, it didn’t sound like the Zebra girl so Troy guessed it was the purple lizard. The frustrated growls and horse noises from the hole informed him the two were having a conversation. Over the course of a minute, nothing really happened as the two talked. Then another minute passed while sobbing echoed out of the dark hole inches from Troy’s nose. Something he was certain to feature in his nightmares for weeks to come.

The lizard is clearly trying to be comforting but is also just as clearly speaking whatever language the ponies have. The bizarreness of that particular linguistic combo nearly sent Troy tumbling again, but from the sound of things, the horse on the other end of his belt is starting to calm down some. Then the lizard says something with the cadence of a question.

Silence.

All at once, Troy’s hackles are up and he’s on full alert as the silence stretches on.

Then he hears what he just knows is the pony equivalent of “Oh, right”, and his belt goes slack as he falls on his ass. It never occurred to him that she would just stop.

While the literal tension was gone, the metaphorical tension in the air was not gone, but less. Honestly, he just wanted whatever this was to be over.

He didn’t flinch when the pony in the hole reignited her witchlight, mostly, but he did internally wince at the state of her. She looked beyond bedraggled, her mane was going every which way, her eyes no longer bloodshot but still red, and the tracks down her cheeks told a story of recent crying. The worst part of it though was the look of utter despair and shame on her face.

Troy tried to figure out what to say, but with the language barrier would whatever he said matter? While he waffled on whether or not his doing something would worsen the situation, the zebra had no compunction about tossing in her two cents. Though again, no idea what was being said, and her voice sounded naturally neutral, so he had no clue about the contents of the conversation. Trying to suss out any context from the formerly rampaging pony was also less than helpful, as she just sounded so profoundly sad. It honestly just made Troy feel bad, and he didn’t even do anything wrong. Probably.

However, the way she wouldn’t even look at him, aside from stealing glances and then immediately looking away made it feel like he’d kicked a puppy.

Most likely this was a breakdown in communication, a misunderstanding of some sort. He was about to interject when the small lizard exclaimed something and pointed behind the pony in the newly minted interior window. She looked, he looked, they all looked behind her to see rows of something, concealed in darkness. With a wave of a horn, a little ball of light floated up and deeper into the room, illuminating neat, evenly spaced shelving holding an absolute butt-ton of books.

The formerly forlorn unicorn immediately perked up, but then immediately turned to him, then back to the books. She was clearly torn, and he hoped this would at least work as a way to extend an olive branch. He gestured with his arm to the books in a “Have at” motion. That was all the permission she needed apparently, because after a confirming nod and quiet words from the zebra she was off amongst the rows.

Troy turned to the zebra and lizard, gave a single nod, and lay down on the cool stone floor. His legs hurt.

Sometime later, the book pony was done doing book pony things and they had all returned to what Troy had mentally dubbed the ‘front lawn’ and started righting the scattered furniture. As he worked he looked at the quietly miserable quadruped and her companions. The others had chatted at him once or twice, but she hadn’t said or written a word between them.

After putting the small and oddly familiar table right side up the small lizard pulled a small scroll and quill and only squirmed a bit under his gaze. He and the Zebra finished putting up the chalkboard and Troy took a long, deep breath.

Right, let’s try this again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Discovering that the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters had a long-lost library with intact and fully functioning preservation wards would have been the happiest moment of Twilight's life. Or it would have, had she not just run down the first contact representative of a brand new species like a rabid Ursa Major. The only reason that she hadn’t thrown herself into the nearby ravine was because, as Zecora had pointed out, he didn’t seem too mad about the whole thing and maybe the situation could be salvaged if they just talked.

Like they had been going to until she had flipped out.

She massaged her face, it was still sore from the ugly crying she vaguely remembered doing, and it helped her stop herself from face hoofing herself into a coma. She watched the big guy get the meeting area back in order, she’d tried to help, but after he’d flinched at her horn lighting up, she thought better of it. He’d tried to hide it, but the fact that HE was afraid of HER awoke so many confused emotions in her. Emotions she just didn’t have the capacity to feel at the moment, after her little episode all she really could feel was hollowed out.

It didn’t help that they found themselves right at the spot they’d left off. It was sitting right there on the chalkboard.

[I am sorry, but I do not think I can do that.]

It just sat there, like a brick in her breakfast cereal and she had no idea what to do about it. About him. It wasn’t like he was going to change his mind now. What did she need to do to salvage this situation? Could she even salvage the situation? She watched as history was written right in front of her, as the Human, the subject of her study, and emissary for all his people, picked up one of the pieces of chalk and began to write.

[As I was saying before that slight interruption,] Twilight couldn’t stop herself from wincing as Spike copied down the writing, he had been told to take notes on everything in as much exacting detail as he could manage. She wondered what he had written about what had happened.

[I can’t do what you ask.]

Her heart sank, but at this point who could blame the Human? What did he think of her now, what did Spike and Zecora think of her, now that she had-

[Because the scroll is nearly impossible to read due to how it is written.]

The Everfree was awfully quiet for the storm that sentence released in the confines of Twilight's soul.

[I also have to spend much of my time feeding and taking care of myself, so I can not take the time to do all of this in one sitting.]

It felt like she was in the eye of a hurricane. Everything was going wrong because she’d messed up. Her tunnel vision, her stress, and her lack of control had cost them who knows what. She hadn’t considered his predicament at all. She could have solved all those problems if she had just waited a few moments, a single hoof full of seconds, and maybe things would have been different. Instead, she had failed all of Equestria.

[So As long as a new scroll is brought that can be read, and I can answer when I have time, I might be able to finish what you brought in a few days.]

She read the line. Then read it again. Then again. And again.

She turned to him and stared. She didn’t know when she had started to avoid thinking about his name. Only that she didn’t like thinking about it. She hadn’t liked thinking about a lot of things where the Human was concerned. Her conversation with Applejack passed through her mind and finally, she knew what she had to do. In a moment that felt too long to be between heartbeats, she felt all the anger that had spilled out of her, now without its heat. The relief that even now felt hollow, and acceptance in that he was doing her a major favor and that she had to say the words she was going to say. Even though deep down a part of her railed against the very idea of uttering the sentence to him, before he ever said them to her. But she would do this, it salvaged EVERYTHING, there wasn’t any choice in the matter. Not for her.

She stood up and walked over to the human. Tears of relief, grief, anger, and regret rolled down her face as she spoke and wrote at the same time. It was so easy, yet so far from effortless, as she bowed to him.

“I am so sorry for my behavior. Please accept my deepest apologies for what I have done.”

She watched as his eyes went from her to the board, and then back to her before he moved to write himself, and unlike before, spoke in his own strange tongue as he wrote.

[I do, and I hope you would accept mine in turn. All of you.]

Her anger, her mortification, started to evaporate as she realized what was happening, leaving only a small patch of confusion as the Human wrote as he spoke.

[I broke into your home in the middle of the night,] He gestured at her, and her emotions wobbled as she had to try to keep herself from crying again.[and I stole from both of you.] He pointed at Spike and it felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. What had he taken? she’d checked all the books so what had he-[I took a peach, a cucumber, and this from your fridge.]

Something she didn’t even know she had went slack, as she just… sat. Turned to watch as he fished out a sapphire from his pocket and walked over and just handed it over to Spike. Who for his part looked equal parts confused and offended. You just don’t steal from a dragon. Now that she thought about it, she remembered him mentioning that one of his gems had gone missing. She’d chalked it up to him having a late-night snack and forgetting. He obviously remembered too as he waved the offending gemstone in her direction. “Told ya one went missing!” he grumped, before looking at it, shrugging and taking a bite.

Twilight turned back to the Human as he watched her assistant eat his snack with an expression that had popped up on Rarity’s face once or twice when she had first watched Spike eat his favorite snacks.

That was it? All of that, for what? Not even a saddle bag worth of groceries and a single gemstone. One that he just…

“Why?” she idly added the word to the chalkboard. He turned and looked at her, then the chalkboard, and in a few strides, she had her reply as he added his own word to the board and tapped hers then his new one.

[Why what?] She had to take a moment before replying because even she wasn’t sure what she meant.

“Why did you break into my house?” The words felt too calm, too sterile for the things she was feeling, and yet she could feel the growing pustule of nasty that had been in her since that night slowly draining.

[Because I didn’t know it was your house.] That prompted her own clarifying question and soon everything started to finally make sense.

[Where I’m from libraries don’t have people who live in them and I thought I might figure things out if I went there. Or at least learn something. I took the food when I found it, because I was starving, and the gem because I figured it wouldn’t be missed if someone was just leaving something so valuable unsecured.]

She stared at the answer and remembered Featherweights notes, and suddenly felt ill. He had said it himself, he was alone and afraid. Afraid of them! He stole into her library to learn. And so what if he raided her fridge? If somepony was starving she’d gladly feed them. Ok, it was a bit rude to just take it and wrong to steal, but…

[I could make excuses. I could say I wasn’t in my right mind at the time. I could say I was scared. It doesn’t change that what I did was wrong. I can only promise to never do it again and ask for your forgiveness.]

She felt light, not lightheaded, but as if she had been carrying a boulder on her back and never realized until it was gone. It felt like she’d float away. She turned to her number one assistant. He had been peeved but seemed more neutral now. The snack probably helped. He just looked at her, and she saw in his eyes some of the relief she now felt. She knew he had felt violated in the same way she had, and it was probably worse with him being a dragon.

In a move that honestly surprised her, Spike just shrugged and said. “Well, at least he said he’s sorry, and it was just one sapphire. He even gave it back! So…” He paused, “I’m not mad if you’re not.” She turned to the… to Troy.

“Apology accepted.” She almost laughed as the big scary human just let out a huge sigh of relief of his own.

[Yeah, how about we start over?]

“Sure,” she spoke/wrote, “but how about this time we start off as friends?” and offered a hoofshake.

He took her hoof in hand, and she didn't need to look to know what the word he spoke meant.

“Friends.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” —Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy scratched his arms, trying to get the bugs he could DEFINITELY feel crawling around on his skin, grumbling as he got ready for bed. It had been going so well, then his neighbor, had asked why she’d been owed an apology.

He had bumbled through his explanation of events, of accidental entry, about the thoughtless butt slap. Though she seemed to take it in good humor and had one of the strangest and yet most enchanting laughs he had ever heard when he told her about her instinctual retaliation. It didn’t sound like it came from something that looked so much like an animal. It was nearly human, almost scarily so.

She had accepted his apology with grace, though her light teasing about how “Next time he should ask first.” had brought up a lot of questions that got shoved into his mental box labeled “Things to think about NEVER.”

He took a slug of water and finally got whatever bugs that were in his clothes sufficiently either dead or gone and started stripping down for bed. After the whole debacle that was today, the decision to reconvene tomorrow had been a welcome reprieve. As he was stepping over to his sleeping bag the clouds parted and the moonlight filtered in through broken masonry and empty window frames to illuminate his arms.

He paused. There were a lot more scratches than he thought there’d be. His eyes walked across his body, his bruises from his fall down the stairs were fading fast. A lot of the small cuts and scrapes were gone. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something felt off. He ran his hand down his chest, feeling the muscles beneath. He’d been reasonably healthy, despite the less-than-nutritious college diet. Was it because he wasn’t getting enough to eat? He hadn’t been here nearly long enough for his body to make any noticeable changes. Something to worry about later.

He climbed into his sleeping bag and stared at the large plinth standing in the center of the room as the exhaustion of the day started to work its magic until his eyes finally closed.

Only for him to open them standing on the plinth. Only on a second glance, it wasn't quite right, five spokes pointed outward like a poorly drawn compass which led to a small central platform surrounded by smoke. Smoke that hid a glow within.

Troy looked around and saw nothing. Less than nothing, there was just a massive void as far as he could see. He looked over the side and saw nothing, the decorative pillar the display had rested on was gone. He slowly walked to the smoke, and it was definitely smoke. It smelled like a campfire, like the ones his father made when they went camping. He slowly reached for the slowly rotating spherical barrier. And flinched as his hand touched it. Nothing happened. Just smoke, just warm.

He slowly pushed his way in, forced to close his eyes at the sting.

“I hate rabbits.” The mantra game to his lips by habit, the trick his father had taught him to ward away smoke from the campfire when it blew into his eyes. He liked rabbits well enough-

“About time you got here.”

His eyes shot open at the voice. He recognized it, but it felt beyond foreign to hear it in real life. He had only ever heard it in recordings.

His voice.

Sitting before him, circling a campfire and all looking at him were three beings.

A lizard sat contentedly on a rock basking in the warmth of the open flame.

A monkey rocked restlessly, back and forward, side to side, casting the occasional wary glance to the spherical wall of smoke that seemed to be sourced from the campfire itself. Though it wasn’t quite looking at the wall. Rather, at the darkness that lay beyond it.

And finally, sat the third and final being. One that wore his clothes, his face.

Troy stared back at himself. Was this a dream? That thought had passed through his head so many times now while he had been awake, it was almost surreal for the answer to quite possibly be yes this time.

But this didn’t feel like a dream.

Before he could fall further down that rabbit hole, his other self gestured to a fourth stone, perfectly placed next to the fire.

“Please, sit down. We have a lot to talk about.”

Taking a Tumble in the Wood

Chapter 1
(Revised)

Taking a Tumble in the Wood

Edited by Cosmic Afro

On a midsummer's eve, in a quiet mountain forest, a lone rabbit quietly nibbled at the roots of a fern, keeping an eye out for the fox that had been pursuing him through the many passing seasons. The rabbit took this opportunity to think about what most rabbits thought about this time of year, or anytime at all really. Food, and where was he going to get more without being eaten.

As the rabbit leisurely bounced his way past a particularly steep slope, a strange sound drifted down, carried on the wind. The rabbit, who shall be henceforth known as Dave, was immediately on his hind legs, ears erect, scanning the hillside for the source of the noise. Suddenly, a screaming and cursing ball of legs, arms, and cloth came rolling down the hill at an alarming speed.

Dave darted under a grouping of tree roots as the rather loud oddity passed.

"...Gak ugh GODDAM‐oof son‐of‐a‐"

THWUMP!

Dave scurried away as fast as his legs could carry him, leaving behind a battered and bruised hiker, sprawled out on his back, or rather, backpack, who was in the process of reciting the seven words you can't say on television.

"‐UCKER!"

The hiker's eyes were firmly squeezed shut, as he finally finished his pain-fueled rant.

Ahhng... shit. The hiker mentally cursed.

OK.

Time to go through the mandatory injury checklist... number 1. Head.

The hiker flexed his neck experimentally, eyes still shut, wincing as few scrapes twinged. He concluded, that while in less than stellar condition his head was, in fact, still firmly attached to his neck and thus by extension, the rest of his body.

Alright, good.

Now on to appendages.

The hiker repeated the process, flexing his fingers and arms, along with his legs and toes. His body once again protested as the cuts on his body made themselves known.

Ow... better than I expected.

Satisfied that nothing was broken too badly he moved on.

Next.

Torso.

The man patted himself down, feeling for any roots or branches that he might have impaled himself on. After making sure his chest cavity wasn't the new home of any wayward bits of forestry, he continued with his self mandated checklist.

Terrific.

Now then...

...genitals.

*grab*

Good, everyone accounted for.

Finally, brain check...

Let's see...

Name: Troy McAucland
Occupation: College student
Age: 20
Current Location: USA, Washington...

...in a forest...

...somewhere on a mountain.

"Awesome."

Troy opened his eyes to see a blue sky, a rather rare sight in the state of Washington, in the beginnings of turning a purplish hue as the sun neared the horizon. The young man lingered on the sky for a moment, before closed his eyes and slowly drew a deep breath.

"I gotta get moving," muttering as he exhaled.

The man stood slowly, easing himself up, and began to check what items had remained with him on his trip down the mountain. His hunting knife was still there, securely strapped to his belt above his left leg, along with a small hatchet above his right, his khaki cargo pants were torn and stained from the ride down, but more or less intact. He had brought the hatchet for the overnight portion of the hike, he had hoped to make a fire with his friends and do the traditional ghost story cliche'. "Couldn't hurt to have one." Had been his thought on the matter, as it weighed next to nothing. However, the ax-shaped bruise forming under his khakis made for a rather sharp counterpoint to that argument. His large plastic water bottle was nowhere to be seen, the only reminder that it had even existed at all, was the carabineer still dangling from his belt loop.

He still had his old Scout Pocket knife; it had a can opener, a screwdriver, and two blades. One was large and the other was small, both perfect for whittling. One of the most valuable things in the wilderness.

Lighter, MP3 player (not broken, SWEET!) cellphone...

CELLPHONE!

The hiker slapped himself on the side of his head; of course, he could call his friends! or maybe the police! get SOMEONE out here to save his sorry ass!

He raised the marvel of modern technology... no bars.

After a short tirade, he mentally chastised himself.

OF COURSE IT NOT GOING TO WORK IN THE MIDDLE OF BUTTFUCK, NOWHERE

THERE'S NO CELL TOWER FOR MILES!

He leaned against a nearby tree and stared at the sky, filtered through a screen of greenery, he sighed, This is why you spent all that time in the Scouts, remember? The boring skill lectures, drills, and exercises? All so you'd be ready for that one miserable day you thought would probably never come?

After calming down the young man quickly removed the straps securing his backpack in place, and did a quick inventory check.

His tent was gone, it must have come loose after the first cliff, his Magic cards were a little bent, but still in the top portion of his bag, along with "the Spoils" cards. The first aid kit, snacks, clothes, water purification tablets, and food. He had gotten some MREs from a military surplus store for the hike. Though he would later learn they weren't ACTUAL military MREs but more of a prepackaged easy to cook meal. Turned out the real thing was a really good way to get constipated. Either way, his food was still secure. The sleeping bag he had brought was still tightly attached to the bottom of his backpack, and his camelback had miraculously endured his hasty descent and was still about half full.

Removing the first aid kit, the young man tended to his wounds, disinfecting and bandaging any cuts or scrapes he could reach. The sting of disinfectant ebbed into a dull throb after each application, marking his progress as each blemish was suitably cared for in turn.

Satisfied with the bandaging, he placed the kit back into his bag. With his first-aid properly stowed Troy hefted the bag onto his back and began to reattach the corresponding ties and snaps. Before finally snapping and tightening the gargantuan belt strap around his waist, taking the weight of the bag off his back and onto his hips. After he had secured what was essentially his entire life to his back, Troy McAucland made his way towards the setting sun.

After a few minutes of traversing through the bush, he soon found himself reminiscing on the last week, primarily about how he had been convinced that climbing a mountain was not only a good idea but "Fun". His buddies from the college had roped him into it. After deciding it was best to stay away from the pitfalls of campus life, mainly, drinking, smoking, and... well... you know, he had made a point to make friends with the few people of like minds, though 'friends' was a strong word. More like acquaintances. Anyway, they had said they were going to hike over one of the main trails that snaked over Mount Rainier during spring break and wanted him to tag along. He had done some heavy-duty hiking before and he thought it would make for a nice change of pace...

...and the assholes had left him in the dust, their final words to him:

"See you at the bottom!"

Scribbled on a piece of paper and stuck in his tent zipper after they had apparently decided it would be funnier to forgo the last wake-up call.

So, naturally, no one was around when he fell off the first cliff... or rolled off the second. The backpack had been quite helpful in the whole rolling process and had done an amazing job at cushioning the blow when he had landed. It was probably the only reason his spine was not currently in the shape of a pretzel.

Arriving at a shaded clearing, our unfortunate hiker gazed at the setting sun, it had almost completely dipped below the horizon line and the sky was starting to dim turning a deep royal purple, contrasting the golden lining of the clouds in the far off distance.

With no time to waste, Troy began to search the immediate area, he had to find a place to sleep or risk exposure during the night. Looking around frantically he spotted a large tree with knotted roots jutting out from the ground, it looked like it had tipped over during a wind storm, but was still supported by some of its roots and another tree. The result was the enormous Fir was still alive and the tree had grown to accommodate its new angle, the roots had grown into something resembling a cage, even creating a roof.

"Dibs..." Troy said with a smile.

He set his pack within the shelter and he began to collect twigs and branches from the surrounding bushes and trees. Finally, after collecting a satisfactory amount of tinder and sticks, he built a fire just outside of his temporary shelter. The light would keep any animals away and keep provide warmth at the same time.

With that done, he spread out his sleeping bag and removed the emergency blanket from his pack. Unfolding the dull gray foil, Troy silently wished he still had his tent, without it to protect him from the weather he could only pray that it wouldn't rain during the night. While the root canopy would keep him mostly dry if it did, he would still be soaked come morning. And while the backpack had a liner it certainly wasn't waterproof.

After lining the ground with his emergency blanket, he set his pack at the head of his sleeping bag, a perfect pillow.

After answering the call of nature in some bushes, Troy returned to his camp, where his boots were promptly removed and set next to his backpack. Not bothering to change, he nestled into the warm folds of his sleeping bag. Though thanks to the aches and pains from the fall, getting comfortable was something of a challenge.

As if to aid in his body's rebellion, his stomach growled in protest as he tried to get some rest. Doing his best to ignore his corporeal sufferings, he focused on trying to think about his next move. This as it turned out, was a bad idea, for he had been stifling all of his worries after his crash landing. When he had made his way to shelter he had firmly set an objective, something to focus on, but now that he was finally in a position to stop and think, his worries and doubts came in force.

Will I die out here?

What if no one finds me?

Should I eat now or ration what I have?

What about water?

What if I get attacked by a mountain lion?

The young man decided to answer these questions as they came.

First, I WILL survive this. There is no room for doubt in that department..

Second, if no one finds me then I'll find somebody, the rangers make patrols in these woods for a reason.

Third, I can't cook the MREs this late and not attract animals, maybe in the morning, then try to find anything that might extend my current food stock, like berries or something. Until then I should try to stretch my meals within reason.

Fourth, I still have those water tablets, if I find a river I can refill my camelback, morning dew is also an option.

And fifth, I bought the hunting knife so I could handle something like that, the paperwork for a Glock wouldn't have gone through in time.

Reaching down and removing the sheath from his belt, Troy examined the knife. The sheath was made of some cheap fake leather, and the blade it housed was almost nine inches long, the handle was engraved with the likeness of a wolf, and was formed perfectly for his hand.

Truthfully, if it came down to it, the knife would probably not be much help. Despite this, it did still offer some modicum of comfort as he gripped the smooth handle, the knife gave him a chance if only that.

Exhausted by the day's events, Troy clutched the large blade as he drifted off into unconsciousness, dreaming of home, hot food, and the internet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*groaaaan*

God, this mattress is uncomfortable.

Troy opened his eyes, gazing into his tree root ceiling.

Right, this bullshit...

The young man slowly worked his way out of his sleeping bag, laced his boots, and began to pack away his campsite. Returning everything neatly to its designated niche, lastly strapping on the knife he had removed during the night, before donning his backpack. Only when he left his shelter did he notice something was very different and very, very wrong.

Firstly, the trees had become shorter, the canopy had been over 25 feet above him at the shortest, but now the treetops were barely five feet above his head. The fire pit he had made for the night had disappeared and the clearing was notably smaller.

The Hell?

Cautiously, Troy continued his trek west, with the rising sun at his back. The forest had changed, everything had a hostile feeling to it. The atmosphere was oppressive, unlike the more neutral and tranquil forest through which he had been previously hiking through. This was a truly wild place, nature in her purest most terrifying form. The sudden change of atmosphere was unnerving, to say the least.

...The fuck is going on?

Did everything look like this before?

A loud gurgling made him jump, he had forgone dinner, and his stomach was not going to let him forget it, or forget breakfast. Settling for a granola bar, the young man looked for anything that might be edible to add to the meager meal. No berry bushes revealed themselves and he couldn't recognize any edible plants, in fact, he didn't recognize any plants, aside from the trees, at all.

As he traveled, he noticed that he was walking along the base of a sheer cliff, located to his left. As he continued alongside the jagged wall, his doubts came back from their morning coffee break.

Since when was there a cliff here?

Should I climb it?

It might help me find... something.

Better not, especially with my luck with cliffs lately, and‐HOLY SHIT THAT'S A BIG HOLE!

He had passed a large boulder that had been obscuring his vision, revealing a vast cave. Troy gazed into the gigantic cavern; the entrance looked big enough to fit three Boeing 787s stacked on top of one another with room to spare. He attempted to peer into the massive expanse, but the light was unable to penetrate the interior of the crevasse due to the sun's unfavorable angle. Wielding his cellphone as a flashlight, he delved into the cave. He had barely crossed the threshold when a sudden gust of wind rushed past him... then back... then past him again.

Raising his makeshift flashlight, Troy managed to illuminate a small portion of the cave. What he saw was as impossible as it was terrifying. There, sleeping soundly, was a bear. Not just any bear, any other bear would have been beyond bad, but this bear was a special kind of trouble, reserved for monster movies and horror films. The bear's coat was a deep navy blue speckled with what seemed to be luminescent stars. Also, it happened to be the size of your average apartment complex.

"Mmnghf"

He shoved his fist into his mouth to stifle the scream that was desperately trying to escape from his throat.

DONOTSCREAMDONOTSCREAMDONOTSCREAM... or pee, DON'T PEE!

DO NOT PISS YOURSELF TROY!

DO NOT!

Animals can smell fear and I'm pretty sure fear smells like piss.

So whatever you dooOOO HOLYSHITWHATTHEFUCK!

The whole cavern behind the enormous bear shifted, this time a pinkish purple clawed appendage wrapped itself around the giant freaking bear and pulled it closer to the wall. Which wasn't a wall of any sort. It was another bear. But THIS bear was BEYOND HUGE.

HOW!?!

WHAT!?

WHAT!

WHAT!!!

HOW DOES THAT THING EVEN FIT IN HERE?!? HOW BIG IS THIS CAVE?!

WHAT!!

HOW, WHAT!

WHAT THE FUCK!

I MEAN WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!!!

The terrified hiker's knees began to buckle as he tried to comprehend the scene that lay before him.

DO NOT FAINT!

DO NOT PASS OUT!

RUNMOVEGETTHEFUCKOUTOFHERENOW!

His legs happily obliged, as Troy McAucland set a new world record for the 500 meter 'Run Like a Bitch'. Sprinting through the underbrush as gracefully as a his body would allow, adrenaline coursed through his veins. He ran with everything he had, the fire in his heart fueled by an all‐encompassing fear. After clearing the cave and making decent headway, he removed his fist to release the scream from his throat, though it came out as more of a gurgling gag. While this was good for keeping the volume down, the terrified hiker was still screaming within the confines of his own mind.

MOVE IT.
MOVE IT.
MOVE IT.
MOVE IT.
MOVE IT.
MOVE IT.

MOVE IT.

MOVE IT...

Move it...

...Move it...

...Crap.

Troy sprawled out, face down, in a patch of soft-looking dirt. Rolling onto his side he panted like a dehydrated dog. After taking a long pull from his camelback, he slowly attempted to sit up and cringed at the pain running through his legs. Cramps.

Double crap.

...Well, I needed a break anyway, so where...

As his head slumped to the side, he could see right through the bushes closest to him, and into the clearing on the other side. There, it looked like some sort of pass was positioned behind the clearing, a gap in the cliff, but what caught his attention wasn't the pass itself, it was its apparent guardian.

A beast that held the appearance similar to that of a lion, but had the tail of a scorpion and wings of a bat.

The young man slowly turned his gaze up into the sky, took a deep breath, and muffled another scream.

SERIOUSLY!?!

WHY GOD?!

WHY ME!?

NO!

no.

Calm down.

Calm.

Compared to Bearzilla back there,

This thing is a freaking kitty cat.

Troy shuddered at the memory of the cave, and what lay within.

Yeesh, not going back that way EVER. Period.

Ok...

... let's go for another look, shall we?

Gazing through the underbrush he located the creature. The beast seemed to be lounging in the sun, and for some reason, he couldn't explain it looked oddly familiar.

FIFTH GRADE!

That was it!

In the fifth grade, they had to do a project on a mythical creature from ancient times and do a report on how the legends affected the given culture.

The wings had thrown him for a moment, but he had remembered it as though it was yesterday.

The Manticore, Greek in origin.

Derived from a mistranslation of the phrase 'man eater' this creature would eat the entirety of its victim, flesh, hair, shoes, clothes, and bone, no exceptions. In ancient times if someone went missing, the disappearance would sometimes be attributed to a manticore.

Another wonderful piece of info, the poison in the stinger of a manticore could either paralyze a full-grown man or kill one outright, there were even rumors that it could shoot poisoned spines from its tail. However, from what he could see of the chitinous mass resembled that of a normal scorpion, albeit scaled up a bit. So while the likelihood of projectile spines was low, Troy ultimately decided it was best to err on the side of caution.

Besides I really didn't NEED to get past that thing, He thought idly as he scanned the pass, if I just continue and follow the cliff face I should just pass it by and it would...

...wait, what was...

Through the pass, over the tree line, and off in the distance, he could barely make out an unnatural white structure.

Something was out there, maybe some kind of outpost or way station, Anything was better at this point, it was the first man-made structure he had seen since he had left camp yesterday.

Soooooooo...

How DOES one get past a mythical creature that was literally named "Man Eater"...

For a moment Troy felt completely lost.

Maybe I could at least take a picture of it with my phone,

At least then if I get out of this alive I'll make it into national geographic or something.

Flipping his phone open, he navigated the colorful menus to find the camera option when something stood out, the alarm clock function...

A thought struck him.

Quite an appealing idea in fact; one that could get him past the creature without a fight, but at the cost of his phone. His eyes drifted to the battery indicator; only a sliver of juice left and still no bars, soon enough the phone would be completely useless.

Looks like my choice has been made for me.

Now where to hide it?

He quickly scanned the immediate area, a notch in the tree looked like a good spot to hide the device, if that manticore could track him by scent he was toast.

After hiding what he hoped was his key to salvation, Troy slowly began to make his way around the clearing, trying his best to remain both silent and downwind.

Once he had neared the cliff face, he waited, making sure not to rustle any of the underbrush as he kept low.

The manticore was still there, and appeared to be sunning itself with a look that Troy could swear was contentment.

*DEDEDEDE*

The mish‐mash of animal appendages bolted upright at the strange high-pitched noise. It slowly scanned the clearing, searching for the source.

*DEDEDEDE*

Its head snapped in the direction of disturbance and quickly strode towards the sound, presumably to find out what had the gall to enter the territory of a manticore and make such an obnoxious racket.

As soon as the manticore disappeared into the bushes, Troy was on the move, moving as quickly and quietly as possible. He made his way through the pass. The incline was fairly steep, but he made it over with little trouble.

*dededede*

GOOOAAAA!

The frustrated animal roared, attempting to flush out its prey, obviously annoyed that the source of the beeping had somehow managed to elude him for this long, in his own forest no less.

I think I need to make myself scarce.

With that thought the hiker beat a hasty retreat towards the small white tower in the distance, delving deeper into the woods.

After trudging his way through the underbrush for about an hour, Troy found himself facing a rather large river. He strolled along the shore of the river looking for a suitable place to cross, noting that the water was surprisingly clear. What was also surprising was the river's seemingly random change in depth. He had thought there would at least be some uniformity when it came to how deep certain areas were, but this river seemed to change depth radically for no reason, in one spot it looked like it might only come up to his ankles, and in others, he couldn't even see the bottom.

Mentally shrugging, he found an area that seemed accessible, and began the rather straightforward process of crossing, as it was shallow enough that it didn't even require the removal of his boots. After reaching the opposite shore, he began to make his way towards his supposed salvation before promptly catching his foot on some unseen obstacle.

*Fwump*

Fortunately, Troy with his expertly timed reflexes was able to cushion the fall with his face, ensuring no important organs were damaged in the fall. It was tempting to just lie in the grass cooled by the shade of tree lofts, but the thought of civilization was enough to galvanize him back into action. Though with the added ache of his face and foot added to his laundry list of complaints, he was growing increasingly short on patience. It was barely noon and he wanted this day to be over.

After collecting himself, Troy began to look for whatever it was he had tripped over. After a moment of searching, there in the shade and obscured by the tall grass, lay a gigantic mirror. How could he not have seen it? It was almost as big as he was! Troy examined the mirror, it was pristine and it was obvious after quick examination that it hadn't been out here long, as the grass had not grown around it, but rather it looked like the mirror had been placed there. As if some giant had wandered by and left it there for some unknown purpose.

Before Troy could ponder the mysterious mirror's existence any further, a loud wailing noise suddenly came from downriver. As he turned to look for the source, he noticed that the river had started to roil and writhe, almost as if agitated by the noise.

What the...

Ok.

Fine.

Let's find out what new freak of nature I have to face now.

After making his way around a bend in the river, before him stood (swam?) a giant purple sea (river?) serpent. This thing seemed to be the standard Sea serpent, except it had arms. It had a mane of gelled blonde hair, and what appeared to be a rather pomp mustache (although one side was a deep purple, because why not at this point) The creature was bawling at the top of its lungs, like an infant who had dropped his favorite pacifier.

Alright let's do a headcount here:

Giant freaking BEAR... check
GIANT GIANT FREAKING BEAR... check
A god damned Manticore... check
And the Loch Ness monster as envisioned by someone high on bath salts... double check

Troy facepalmed, where in hell was he?

And why, spitting in the face of all reason, common sense, and self-preservation, did he feel compelled to help this poor creature?

NO, TROY!

NO.

That THING can eat you.

IT WILL EAT YOU!

Just move along and everything will be fine.

Troy started to head in the direction of the tower, but the wailing continued to eat at him. The creature seemed to be in great distress, and the thrashing it made in its sorrow made the river impossible to cross. If he needed to go back across the river for any reason he would be in a bad way.

Oh God damn it.

If I die I'm going to be so PISSED!

Troy could never stand to see a grown man cry, though, this was not an actual MAN, but he continued back to the blubbering beast nonetheless.

I am such a freaking idiot.

It's probably crying over how lost its dinner, and now I'm going to go and replace it...

WAAAAAAAAAAAhaHAAABWAUA!

Damn it.

Troy stood in front of the giant serpent, the creature was still unaware of his presence, as the act of crying was firmly holding its attention.

What should I do?

Well, this guy can definitely cry, maybe he can talk?

God, this stupid.

Troy did his best to keep the hesitation out of his voice as he called out.

"Oi, BIG GUY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?" The man shouted over the noise.

The beast seemed to calm himself down a bit and looked at Troy, the blubbering creature seemed to pause, unmistakable confusion played across its face as it gazed at the odd little creature that had approached him.

Can't blame the guy, if a lamb roast walked up and tried to comfort me, I'd be confused too... Troy thought to himself.

The serpent sniffed loudly and began to gurgle in something Troy couldn't understand. The creature was able to talk, just not in any language he knew.

The creature began to motion with its arms from his left to his right, then up and down, then began to cry again.

"Sorry, I don't have any clue what you're saying," Troy spoke over the crying which had died down into manageable sobs.

From the way it had motioned it had looked like it was searching for something, Troy's thoughts drifted to the mirror. No way.

"HEY, this way, follow me!" Troy made big sweeping motions with his arms, trying to get the creature to follow as he headed back upstream.

The giant serpent seemed to get the idea and followed him, still, it choked out a pitiful sounding sob every now and again. Troy eventually reached the bank where he had found the mirror, it only took a minute to find the thing, the grass didn't do a very good job of hiding it if you knew what you were looking for. Though it obscured the mirror just enough so anyone would have trouble spotting it right away. After he managed to get a good grip, Troy carefully lifted the mirror.

"This what you looking for, guy?"

The creature beamed, quickly snatching up the mirror, and chittering something at Troy, which he guessed was a thank you. The serpent began to examine itself in the mirror, smiling at his own reflection, the river immediately calmed, becoming crossable once more.

Troy continued on his way, but before he was beyond the sight of the river the purple serpent squawked something at him and gave a quick wave before diving below the surface of the lake.

Smiling, the young man felt glad that he had taken the time to help.

You're still an idiot... He mentally scolded himself, still, it had felt good to help, good karma and all that. Plus being able to cross the river if he needed to would be a nice bonus.

It was nearing sundown when he finally arrived at his destination, he was expecting a tower or outpost or something along those lines, but what he found was a castle, seemingly abandoned.

Troy, after all the bizarre things that had happened today, had fared pretty well on the terms of keeping it together, but this was too much. He slowly fell to his knees, all he could do was just shake his head and hold back the tears of frustration.

"Where am I?" Troy whispered, and then whipped his head to the sky.

"WHERE THE FUCKING HELL AM I?!!

He screamed, this place made no sense, there were creatures he had never seen before and should, by all rights, NOT exist! There was a castle in the middle of the forest, for the seemingly sole purpose of TAUNTING HIM! Nothing made sense; there wasn't anything here that made any sense! Troy rolled to his back, kicking the ground and flailing his arms, completely ignoring the pain from his wounds as he writhed on the ground, possessed by the frustration and stress that had built up since he had come to this FUCKED UP WORLD!

After he had exhausted himself with his little fit, he lay on his back for the second time, watching the sky begin to take on a slightly darker hue.

Terrific, just PEACHY.

All that, FOR NOTHING!

FOR FUCKING NOTHING!!

Troy started to kick up another fuss, but the pain, coupled with his exhaustion from his previous tantrum, prevented him from getting into the full swing of it. He sighed and looked at the castle. Was there any hope at all? Were there any people in this strange land? Even if there was, could he find them? Besides, who builds a castle and just abandons it...

Wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait...

Who just abandons a castle?

More importantly who made THIS castle?

Troy leaped to his feet and turned to stare at the giant stone structure, the fact the castle was here meant that someone HAD to have been here. On top of that, you don't just abandon something that takes this much work to build without a damn good reason. If he could find a clue in the ruins he MIGHT be able to find out who built this thing, and more importantly where they'd gone. Then maybe he would finally he would get some much-needed answers.

...And who knows, maybe someone still lives here,

Like a caretaker or something.

Though it was unlikely, given the dilapidated state of the place. Still, it was a castle, and it was mostly intact.

Either way, beats the hell out of sleeping in a bunch of tree roots. Troy thought to himself.

The path to the castle was blocked by a deep chasm, not particularly wide, but big enough so he would be unable to cross easily. As he approached, Troy noticed the remains of a bridge that had fallen apart, he also noticed that the bridge was rather small, only big enough to support a thirteen or fifteen-year-old child, at most. Anything bigger would have been beyond the bridge's structural capabilities and it would have collapsed. Though it was too late for that, as the bridge had already snapped in the middle, and without the proper tools, was completely beyond repair.

Well THAT'S a bust.

Troy leaned against a dead tree and tried to think of a way to cross, it was unlikely he could repair the bridge. Hell, even in its prime, it probably wouldn't have been able to hold his weight anyway.

Troy let his back slide down the trunk until he was sitting comfortably against the deadwood. His thoughts whirling like a maelstrom, trying to come up with something, anything. He had come this far and the sun was starting to set, there really was nowhere else to go.

*gurgle*

And he needed food badly.

The proverbial hamster in his head had been running the wheels for a solid ten minutes, turning the gears, but getting no result. Going around wasn't an option, who knew how long it would take to get around the ravine, and it was unlikely he would find another bridge. Troy tried to get up, to move, to do SOMETHING to better focus his blank mind.

*crack*

In the process of standing his head had connected with a branch on his way up. It hurt.

"FUUUUUUUUUCK!"

Troy screamed at the top of his lungs, his hunger, his exhaustion, his anxiety, and his pain coalesced into a heaving ball of rage near psychotic in scope, and it demanded release. He had been battered by bullshit all day, he had hoped for a rescue copter or a ranger station, he would have settled for a rescue dog with a walkie-talkie, but what did he get?

...He got castle FUCKING Grayskull, and he couldn't even go inside.

The only thing he could do was look in longing, FUCK today, today could KISS HIS ASS!

Troy spun around and began to attack the tree that had the audacity to raise his ire with his hatchet. After the third strike he stopped, and the gears finally clicked into place. Troy smiled as the hamster took a much-needed breather.

Troy went to work on the tree, carefully chopping out chunks from one side, so it would fall over the chasm. The dead tree was right on the edge, in the perfect position for Troy's intentions. Bit by bit, chips of wood started to collect at the base of the tree. Slowly the massive bulk of wood began to list, then, with a final creak and crack, fell over the ravine creating a makeshift bridge.

"HAHA, EAT IT NATURE!" Troy laughed, dancing a small jig with his hatchet raised above his head.

Troy gave the newly appointed bridge a shake, testing its stability, it was fairly solid. Satisfied, he mounted the piece of timber and began to cross, slowly proceeding on all fours. During the crossing, he noticed that the wood had begun to rot in the middle, and while the tree was still solid, it wouldn't stay that way for long.

Hmmm, probably should do something about that...

*gurgle*

...later.

As Troy came to the other side of the ravine, he hopped off the log and headed towards the castle. The place was overgrown with vines and weeds and looked fairly weathered. As he approached, Troy noticed several markings above the door, they appeared to be horses, along with pegasi (pegasis?) and unicorns. Under the markings was some sort of writing. The writing had an equine look to it, with pictographs depicting horseshoes, saddles, and other horse-related paraphernalia. Though some of the other bits of writing looked fairly normal, with bundles of wheat and some animals, but these were in the definite minority.

Ok, so these people liked horses... maybe worshiped them?

Cows are sacred in India, maybe this is something similar?

But what does it actually say?

Troy was no linguist, so pondering the meaning of the writing at this juncture was pointless.

The door leading into the massive structure was made of metal, and after a good shove swung open to reveal, in the fading light, a large altar in the center of an even larger hall, the altar itself was a round pedestal with five spokes pointing out in five directions and had a moss-covered stone orb in the center. As Troy examined the altar, he noticed that each one of the spokes had probably at one time held something. The indentations in the spokes seemed to suggest that there had been other orbs at a time, placed around the large central one.

After a moment of close examination, something struck Troy as odd, the layers of dust didn't match up. On the spokes themselves, the dust was thick, undisturbed for probably thousands of years. While in the indentations, the dust was light, probably only a few months old at the most. Meaning whoever had built this castle, had also left something behind when it was abandoned. Either there wasn't enough time to take them, or perhaps the objects weren't valuable enough to take with them at the time.

But valuable enough for someone to come back for, and fairly recently too.

Troy examined the rest of the room, pillars near monolithic in scale supported either side of the ceiling and several archways dotted the walls, leading to different parts of the castle. Moving from the large entryway and into one of the many winding halls, he delved deeper into the forgotten depths of the strange ruin. After some wandering, he found a wood-burning stove, in what he assumed was a kitchen at some point, as almost everything else had rotted away into barely identifiable mounds. He could recognize tables and chairs, though they were completely useless, as they crumbled at his touch. He continued to explore the castle by the light of the moon that filtered through the cracks and windows, the sun already had set, and he was getting tired.

I need to explore as much as I can, if anything is living here and I don't find it before it finds me, it will be nothing but trouble when I'm mistaken for a midnight snack.

Eventually, he found two staircases leading up to two large towers. Deciding to explore the leftmost tower first, he hobbled up the staircase, eventually reaching the top. At the top of the staircase was a pair of double doors, both of which were made from some ornate black stone, fitted with what looked like marble stars and moon halves for handles, even under many layers of dust it was beautiful. Troy tried the handles, but the doors wouldn't budge, after a few good shoves it was clear the door was locked.

After making his way down, he made his way back up to the tower on the right, climbing the spiral staircase at a steady pace, but stopping to take a breath every once in a while. Finally reaching the top, he found another pair of double doors, this time made of pure white marble with golden laced clouds adorning its surface, the handles made the form of a blazing sun. One of the doors was askew, allowing him to gently push inward which revealed the interior of the tower. Inside he found the remains of a four-poster bed along with some decrepit drawers, a wardrobe that had fallen on its side, and a desk that had almost completely fallen apart. Everything in the room had been quite ornate; Troy could see gold peeking out from layers of dust in some places. While the room had been white, the lack of light and many layers of dust made it appear a dull gray.

Troy examined the bed. The posts had fallen in and the mattress had completely rotted away, leaving only the springs, and a few tattered bits of cloth that disintegrated when disturbed.

After climbing down the stairs, he made his way to the main hall again, approaching the final doorway connected to the primary wing of the castle. The walls had collapsed outward and he could see what appeared to be a separate building. Seeing no point in going that far out of his way, Troy decided he would leave that particular part of the castle for later.

Searching for something to block the entrance with, he found that the doors had broken off from their hinges long ago. With a bit of work, he got them mostly back into place with their corners resting slightly upon the wall covering the majority of the entrance. While it wouldn't do much in the way of stopping an intruder, the noise from the falling doors would definitely wake Troy up and give him fair warning of whatever was coming.

Troy trudged to the center of the main hall, tiredly setting his backpack up against the altar, and laying out his sleeping bag, mess kit, and MREs. Returning to the kitchen, he recovered a few pieces of ancient wood that had once served as a table leg, along with a few bits broken off for the tinder. The wood burned wonderfully as he cooked some pasta for dinner, using the remaining water in his camelback. After a quick meal, Troy immediately went to his sleeping bag, removing his boots before he settled into it, and getting comfortable. Troy began to reflect on the day's events, every bizarre twist and turn left him with more and more questions. Though one thing stuck out in his mind, one question that stood head and shoulders above all the others.

Where in the world was he?

The answers he could come up with were not all that encouraging.

One, he was in a coma after taking a bad spill in the woods and was now unconscious. Where he was either lying wherever he had landed or had been discovered by one of the forest rangers and was in a hospital. An unlikely scenario at best, coma patients had usually almost zero brain activity. So vivid hallucinations were probably not one of the results.

Option two, this was a dream. Impossible. The pain was far too real to be imagined, and as fantastic this world was, it wasn't as chaotic as a dream. Besides, everything had been obviously strange, and strange things in dreams didn't seem odd until you woke up.

Option three, he was in a different dimension/universe/plane/realm and now was stuck here till whenever. Highly unlikely. But not impossible.

So where did that leave him...

Here, I guess.

This place was real enough; he would have to find somebody or try to figure it out himself. Troy's mind began to relax as he started to fall asleep, but found his mind drifting to the locked tower.

Might be a clue there...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it."

—Hunter S. Thompson

A Missed Turn, a Chance Meeting

Chapter 2

A missed turn, a chance meeting

Pre‐read and edited CosmicAfro

*Sigh*

Apple Bloom fiddled with her mane as she stared up into the blue sky, today by all rights should have been great. It was bright and sunny, as it usually was in Ponyville. The birds were twittering a lovely tune, a warm breeze rolled through the park without whipping up dust into anypony's face. And yet, the young pony found herself feeling somewhat downtrodden. She slumped over the park picnic table she was currently seated at. School had ended early that day so she and her friends had planned a picnic, but due to recent events the cheer she normally exuded was nowhere to be found.

"Hey Apple Bloom, you're not lookin' too hot, what's up?" asked Scootaloo inquisitively, taking note her friends apathetic demeanor.

"It's because I burned the sandwiches, isn't it?" Sweetie Belle moped, eyeballing the charcoal black lumps of used‐to‐be‐food.

"Naw, it aint that at all." the farm filly said reassuringly, not wanting to upset her friend. It did surprise her that her friend had managed to so thoroughly overcook food that didn't require any actual cooking.

"Though to be honest, Ah'd like to know how ya managed to pull that one off." She muttered as she poked at her sandwich, which promptly collapsed into a pile of ash.

The purple and cream unicorn blushed, then shrugged, "Well, have you ever heard about toasted sandwiches?" she asked in an embarrassed tone.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh." said Scootaloo and Apple Bloom in unison, putting two and two together. Sweetie Belle and kitchen appliances did not mix well. When they did, the mixture she was working with usually got re‐purposed as wall lacquer.

The three fillies paused for a moment. "What were we talking about again?" asked Apple Bloom, cocking her head to the side, as if trying to roll the answer out from a forgotten corner of her brain.

"I thought we were talking about burnt sandwiches," replied the defeated confectioner, as she watched the breeze pick up the ashy remnants of her friend’s sandwich and carry them off to lands unknown.

"No, before that," the orange pegasus murmured as she scratched her head. "I was asking Apple Bloom if she was alright, she looks kinda down." The orange filly paused before turning to fully address her crusading compatriot.

"How are you anyway?" the winged speed demon turned to the freckled farm pony, returning back to their previous topic.

"Alright, ah guess... It's just that... we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders, right?"

"Right," Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo replied together.

"And we're crusadin' tuh get our cutie marks, right?

"Riiight."

"So how come we haven't got our cutie marks yet, ah' mean we've tried everything!" the young filly cried in frustration, nothing they had tried had been their talent, and she was out of ideas.

"Well, why don't we try scuba diving?" suggested Scootaloo.

"Naw, we did that, remember?" replied Apple Bloom.

"What about rock climbing?" Sweetie Belle chimed.

"We did that too."

"Fishing?"

"Did it."

"Apple Buckin'?"

"Couldn't buck a single apple lose."

"Sky diving?"

"We did that with Dash, remember?"

"Uhhhhh..."

The three little ponies thought as hard as they could, trying to come up with something, anything, to help get their cutie marks. After a minute of silence, Sweetie Belle couldn't take it anymore.

"AAAAGH, I can't think of anything, we've tried everything!" The young filly wailed in dismay.

"We even asked Pinkie Pie about rock farming," fumed Apple boom, stomping her hoof to emphasize her point, "ROCK FARMING!"

The three sat in silence, trying to think of something so they could pursue their cutie marks. After a spell, Scootaloo perked up, "What about that time you got the cutie pox?" she asked Apple Bloom.

"What about it?" she replied gloomily; it had been an embarrassing ordeal for her. She not only lied to everyone, but stole from Zecora as well. While the potion brewing zebra had forgiven her, she still felt horrible about the whole fiasco, and really didn't want to think about it.

"Well you got a bunch of cutie marks, right?" the filly continued.

"Yeah, it is called cutie pox, remember?" they yellow earth pony replied sarcastically, though she was beginning to become curious as to why her friend thought this was so important.

"Well, could one of the cutie marks you got actually be your cutie mark?" the young pegasus pony continued enthusiastically, sensing she might be on to a major breakthrough.

Apple Bloom perked up for a second, but after a moment of thought, slumped down onto the table.

"Naw can't be, if one of them was mah' talent, it would have stayed and ah wouldn't have a blank flank." The young filly turned and gazed at her side, still unadorned by the mark that she so desired.

"Oh, right." Scootaloo slumped in an identical fashion to yellow friend, her last idea was a bust and she couldn't even attempt to summon another. Thinking hard was just not her thing; she'd rather just go with the flow.

Sweetie Belle was the only one still in deep thought, squeezing her eyes shut, as if trying to see into the past. After a few seconds of recalling Apple Bloom's little act, something occurred to her.

"Hey," the miniature unicorn said with a puzzled expression spread across her face, still trying to form the idea in her mind. "Did we ever go to Zecora's place?"

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom raised their eyebrows in unison; they had never been to the mysterious zebra's home together. The misadventures of the little yellow earth pony had led her to Zecora's hut once, but that was a while ago.

"No, not together, why?" inquired the young farm pony, her eyebrow remained at a heightened altitude.

"Remember? After you got cured and sent a letter to the princess, I said you might have a talent for potion making," said Sweetie Belle, recalling that Applejack had dragged her younger sister home. The three of them had originally set off to go to Zecora's house to try to get their cutie marks, but Applejack would have none of it. The Apple family was an honest bunch, and if there was one thing they wouldn't stand for, it was thievery. The farm filly had never said what her punishment was, and neither the orange pegasus nor the cream colored unicorn wanted to find out.

Apple Bloom was upright and smiling from ear to ear in an instant. "That's IT!" she shouted. "That has to be it!"

She began to bounce around the table, happy as can be. "Let's go to Zecora's; she's better at makin' potions than anypony, even Twilight!"

The daisy and rust colored pony dashed off in the direction of the Everfree forest, with her two friends in tow.

"Shouldn't we tell somepony where we're going?" asked Sweetie Belle, remembering the last time they had gone into the Everfree forest without permission before. They had nearly been turned into stone by a cockatrice and the little unicorn had no desire for a repeat encounter.

They all came to a stop. "Yeah, you’re probably right," Apple Bloom admitted, she remembered the last ordeal just as well as her horned compatriot. "But who do we ask?"

The girls thought for a moment, trying to figure out who would let them actually go into the forest.

Scootaloo's face lit up, "We could ask Rainbow Dash!" she cheered, "She'd let us go for sure!"

Sweetie Belle turned to her winged filly friend, "You mean come with us, right?" she corrected while giving her friend a serious look.

"OK, OK, fine we can ask her to come with us." The pegasus relented. It took a moment for her to realize that it would mean they could spend a good portion of the day with her hero. Soon Scootaloo was grinning from ear to ear as she skipped along the road.

As they walked up the road to Ponyville they noticed two of their classmates traveling the other direction, colts named Snips and Snails. "Hey guys, what’s up?" called Scootaloo, as they approached.

The boys broke from their conversation to greet the three fillies coming down the road. Giving the general "Hiya." and "Hi there," respectively.

"Where ya going?" asked Snips.

"We're going to ask Rainbow Dash if she can come with us to Zecora's place," replied the little pegasus pony excitedly.

"Why?" inquired Snails, his face showing he was obviously confused, though it was usually like that half of the time anyway.

"Well, we can't go on our own; I mean it's the Everfree forest," Sweetie Belle explained.

*pthhppb* Snips blew a raspberry, clearly unimpressed. "It's the Everfree, so what?" he laughed in a mocking tone.

"We have been to the Everfree forest by ourselves loads of times, it's no big deal," said Snips, rolling his eyes.

"Yah' mean like the time ya'll got the Ursa to come wreck the town?" Apple Bloom said in a bemused tone.

"Yeah! ...wait, no." He stomped, trying to reassemble his original thought. "What I'm sayin' is that; only babies need someone to go with them into the Everfree forest," he finished with a smirk.

"Ah'm NOT a baby!" the proud earth pony snorted, that last comment touching a nerve.

"Yeah, me neither," Scootaloo added, puffing her chest out in pride. "Come on; let's go to Zecora's."

The orange and purple pegasus ran off in the direction of the Everfree forest, with Apple Bloom right behind her. Sweetie Belle paused for a moment before going after her friends; she had a bad feeling about this.

"Guys, wait for me!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy sat across from his backpack, deeply involved in a staring contest with his last MRE.

*gurgle*

It was winning.

"Dammit, FINE!" Troy rose and grabbed the final vestige of food he had. "I'll eat you, ya delicious bastard!" he snarled at the meal.

Unfortunately, he was out of water having used the last of it the previous night. So he was forced to eat the meal uncooked; it wasn't horrible, but not exactly a picnic. Still, it was nutrients and that’s what counted. All morning he had been working on a major project and his mortal needs were interfering with his planning.

He had explored around the rest of the castle, well at least the places he could find access to, even that other building which he had forgone the other night, which had turned out be something like a throne room. Missing a throne of course, but the room still had the same feeling grandeur to it, even in its less than pristine state. When he explored the castle grounds he had found a small river running through the courtyard that was filled with fish. If he could get at them he would be set on food for a while and he had also found a well.

Though, to be more exact, he found what had been a well. A stone column had fallen on top of it and the metal roof had sealed it the well below it shut. On the upside, that probably meant that nothing had crawled in and died, so most likely the water was safe to drink. On the down side, there was no way for him to get at it, so he would have to use the river as his primary source of water for the time being. He had filled his Camel‐back, but the purifying tablet was still dissolving and would take another half hour. His finite supply of tablets and the scarcity of an accessible spring brought the hiker to the conclusion that water was too precious for cooking at the moment.

He had been trying to push another pillar over, hoping it would knock the other column and roof off the well, unfortunately he couldn't quite get enough leverage. The column was clearly timeworn and unstable, so he reasoned if he got a rope around the top and gave it a good tug the column would collapse.

The problem: he had no rope.

However, there was an abundance of ivy growing down the sides of the towers, and he had a plan to put them to good use.

Satisfied with his 'meal', Troy retrieved a large stone from the other side of the room, it had fit neatly in his backpack and he began the long walk to the tower. While passing the majority of his belongings, which had been strewn about on the floor, Troy began to think about his plan.

Despite what most people think, ivy doesn't just hang, its roots attach themselves to rock, wood, whatever they can to secure themselves in place. Troy discovered this fact when he had tried to pull some of it off the side of the tower from the bottom up, while he had got some off, the rest wasn’t coming loose anytime soon and he wasn't getting the length he needed. So he decided to try to bring it from the top down, if he tied the ivy to the rock and threw it off the tower, the stone would pull the ivy down to the ground and Troy could pull it the rest of the way off. Probably.

Troy stopped to catch his breath; he had made it halfway up the staircase and was exhausted, and was sweating through the back of his t‐shirt. He peeled the backpack off and set it next to him as he slumped down on the spiral staircase to rest. Trouble was, finding a comfy spot on a spiral staircase was not exactly an easy task. Troy began shifting his body, trying to find a good position.

As luck, or lack thereof, would have it, Trouble was feeling lonely today, so he had brought his brother, Misfortune, with him. This particular misfortune was that the backpack had been so well lubricated by Troy's back sweat, it began to slip off the stair it was on. Troy, realizing his work was about to go to waste, lunged for the pack.

"NO!"

Unfortunately, Troy in his quest for an appropriate posture for stair napping was perched in a rather awkward angle, and was in no position to stop his bag. To his horror he began to slip along with the bag, which had fallen down three steps and was beginning to pick up speed. He decided to cut his losses and let the bag fall, at least then he would be healthy enough to bring it back up. He told his hand to let go and his hand happily obliged. The strap wrapped around his wrist, however, was less cooperative. Troy began to slide down the stairs, and while it was not nearly as bad as falling down a flight, it wasn’t much better. Troy began his horizontal decent down the stone spiral staircase, having no trouble voicing his displeasure.

|"Fuck!"
|---------"OW!"
|-------------------"God"
|------------------------------"Shit!"|
|-------------------"Damnit!"------|
|--------- "FUUcK!"-----------------|
|"Gah!"------------------------------|
|--------- "Ow!"---------------------|
|------------------- "oW!"-----------|
|------------------------------ "Shit!"|
|------------------- "Ow!"-----------|
|---------"Shit!"---------------------|
|"Fuck!"-----------------------------|
|--------- "OW!"---------------------|
|-------------------"Shit!"-----------|
|------------------------------"Shit!"|
|------------------- "Shit!"----------|
|--------- "ow"----------------------|
|"ow!"-------------------------------|
|--------- "OW!"--------------------|
|-------------------"OW!"-----------|
|------------------------------"OW!"|
|------------------- "SHIT!"---------|
|--------- "Shit."--------------------|
|"Shit."------------------------------|
|--------- "Shit."--------------------|
|------------------- "Shit."----------|
|------------------------------"Shit."|
|-------------------"Shit."
|--------- "Shit."
|"Shit."
|--------- "Shit."
|---------------- “...Fuuuuuuuck."
Troy skidded to a stop at the bottom of the staircase. After deducing he hadn't (by some token miracle) broken any of his ribs, he decided to lay there for a moment, as he had just found the comfy position he was previously looking for.

Mental Log: Day two

Weather: sunny with clouds rolling in from the east.

Temperature: a balmy 98 degrees Fahrenheit.

Bullshit levels: Sisyphean and rising.

"Fantastic."

Troy gathered himself up and began to climb up the stairs once more. He mentally cursed every step, his whole body feeling sore. After a long trek accompanied by a long string of particularly creative swears in regards to every conceivable act of violence and vengeance that could be carried out on a single set of stairs, he finally reached the apex of the tower. Once inside, he set down his burden, far, far away from the door so the bag would no longer fall prey to the foul plots of gravity.

Troy removed his shirt to do a proper inspection of the damages; his chest looked like someone has spray painted stripes on him, his bruises crisscrossing each other in a rather confusing pattern.

"Great, if I run into a zebra he's going to think I'm his long lost cousin." He grumbled as he went to inspect the ivy.

Troy moved to the balcony to get find the source of the ivy, and to his surprise, it seemed that it was growing from what appeared to be an ancient windowsill planter. The whole balcony felt a little rickety, and with his current luck he did not want to test the structural integrity. So, removing the rock from his backpack, he gave it an experimental toss onto the jutting structure. Upon crashing onto the floor the stone bounced a single time, and then the whole balcony immediately broke off, plummeting to the ground at an alarming speed.

The vines of ivy were stripped completely off the side of the tower, till about halfway down. The ivy had slowed the free falling piece of architecture enough that roots began to catch. The masonry was almost to the ground when a large cluster of vines finally halted the platforms decent, the only problem was the cluster was on the left side. The previously plummeting balcony took a hard left out of Troy's field of vision. While he couldn't see the balcony anymore, he could definitely hear the resounding crash of its final stop on the way down.

*CAATHKOOOSH!*

"Oh shit."

Troy was flying down the stairs, he wasn't an expert in archeology, but he was fairly sure that were certain sounds you did not want to hear at a ruin site. Especially if you are on the top of a tower with questionable stability. He had a inkling that 'caaathcoosh' was near the top of the list when it came to "Bad Signs".

He made his way to the courtyard, not sure what to expect. He got a pleasant surprise, the first one since arriving in this strange land in fact. The ex‐balcony along with a column and the roof of the well, were embedded in one of the crumbling walls that ran alongside the courtyard. The ivy wrapped masonry had apparently worked as a makeshift wrecking ball, clearing the rubble and leaving the well mostly intact.

Troy raised his head to the noon sky, with the sun over him and began to laugh; he finally had a bit of luck in the most random way possible. In his joy, Troy began to dance around the well, also he started to sing tunelessly.

♪ Oh HE‐HE‐ELLLLL YEAH! NANANA‐NANA CAN'T TOUCH THIS!♪

After he exhausted himself he flopped on the ground, still smiling a goofy grin and began to take stock of what he had left to do.

Returning to his work, he tore down one of the lengthy vines and began stripping the leaves off with his knife. It took him a moment, but soon he realized that he had never once considered that the ivy might have been poisonous. He shrugged, seeing as he wasn't feeling any pain from the ivy, he was probably in the clear.

Finally, Troy had a long piece of vine; he attached a pot from his mess kit and gave the newly christened rope a good tug. The knot felt fairly strong, all that time in scouts was definitely paying off. Satisfied, he slowly lowered the pot into the well. Eventually he could hear the splash and feel the rope slacken slightly. After a moment he felt the line go taught once more, and he began to reel his prize in.

He grabbed the pot and inspected its contents, for a moment he could have sworn it was empty, but realized that it was full of crystal clear water. Troy took a small sip, and then downed the whole pot; the water was perfect, heavenly even.

Troy sat and looked at the relocated balcony; there were still a lot vines, and it would be a shame to waste them. He paused for a moment, his thoughts turning to the rotting tree that was currently serving as his bridge to the outside world. After a moment of thought a grin slowly spread across his face; today was going to be a good day.

Thank you, Boy Scouts of America.

Troy began pulling down vines; he would need a very long and very strong rope for what he had in mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three fillies had been traveling through the Everfree forest for half an hour, and still couldn't seem to find Zecora's hut. The trail was becoming more overgrown by the minute, and Scootaloo was losing what little patience she had.

"UUUGH, why aren't we there yet!" she shouted as the trio stopped in the middle of a clearing.

"Ah thought you knew where ya'll were going," replied Apple Bloom.

"ME! I was following you!" the young pegasus's face began to show signs of panic. They could be out there for days and no one would find them.

"Uh... guys?" Sweetie Belle asked tentatively. “Where’d the trail go?

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom whirled around, the clearing surrounded them on all sides, it was impossible to see where they had entered.

"Oh no, no no no no." the orange filly was desperately turning in circles trying to find the path they had come through.

The girls huddled together; the forest seemed to become more threatening by the moment: the trees seemed taller, and the grass longer, the snakes‐

"SNAKE!" screamed the young unicorn. Pointing at a large python was hanging from the branches of a nearby tree.

Snake meanwhile had been sunning himself and shot up at the sound of his name. He turned to see three little ponies squealing and wailing under his napping branch. Snake, rather put out that his peaceful rest had been disturbed, hissed at the tiny creatures, who promptly fled.

Snake settled back into a comfortable position, he bet Dave didn't have put up with this kind of shit, being cute and cuddly really didn't encourage that kind of reaction. He had made an acquaintance of the rabbit a couple weeks ago on Poker Night. He would get together with his friends Badger and Porcupine, and the four of them would hang out on Sundays and would usually just shoot the shit and play poker. It was nice to just ditch the whole rat race every once in a while, Snake thought as he drifted off into dreamland.

The girls bolted through a final bush before flopping on the ground, completely exhausted by their exodus/screaming.

“Where... are... we now?" Scootaloo panted, she usually was riding her scooter if she was going that fast.

"We're lost," moaned Sweetie Belle, who was in the process of massaging her aching muscles.

Apple Bloom was still buzzing from the run; earth ponies didn't tire as easily as other ponies do. She quickly surveyed the surrounding area. They were in another clearing, alone and deep in the Everfree forest.

"It... it's gonna be alright," the farm filly assured her friends, "all we gotta' do is find the trail again."

The pegasus pony turned to her friend with a quizzical look, "and how are we going to do that? We don't know where we are."

"Why don't we take turns looking for the trail?" The earth pony suggested as she turned to Sweetie Belle, who was nodding enthusiastically.

"Maybe we can get our pathfinder cutie marks!" she cheered.

The yellow earth pony watched her friends carefully, to her relief they seemed to be cheering up. They proceeded to search for the trail that would lead them home, Scootaloo insisting she go first. After following her for an hour and a half with no results, Apple Bloom took her turn; at first she tried to look for anything that might point back the way they came, like a broken branch or a familiar looking stone. After two hours they were still lost, so Sweetie Belle took the lead. While they failed to find their way back, they did in fact find a river.

"Did we cross a river before?" said a bemused orange and purple pegasus, raising an eyebrow. "Seriously, we can’t get any more lost than this."

The yellow farm filly looked around the river looking for a sign or a bridge, something that might point to a trail. She saw nothing of the sort, just more trees, grass, and water.

She signed, "We just need teh' figure out where we are, we didn't cross anything on the way here, so Ponyville ain't across this river." Apple Bloom glared at the offending body of water.

"Maybe it's the stream that goes by Fluttershy's house?" Sweetie Belle asked tentatively.

The yellow ears of her friend perked up and she started to bounce around her with a wide grin.

"THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT! Ah'll bet you ANYTHING that's it!" she exclaimed, ecstatic that they could finally make their way home. This whole ordeal was getting to be too much for her, she was tired from walking for hours and finding nothing.

However Scootaloo looked around with worry, it was getting dark and clouds were forming overhead. She shuddered, moving clouds were as unnatural as it could get for her, any pegasus pony alive knew about the Everfree's moving clouds. There were rumors that the clouds weren’t clouds at all, but were the souls of the pegasi who got lost in the forest, forever shrouded in an eternal fog as they searched for a way home, only to never find it.

She shook herself, trying to dislodge the images of ghostly ponies from her mind.

Get a grip! What would Rainbow Dash do?

She stomped her hoof.

Rainbow dash would never be scared!

"We should get going‐"

As soon as she had spoken, a giant monster rose out of the water. The creature had huge claws like a dragon and a body like a snake. The creature shook the water from its eyes to stare at the three terrified fillies.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The girls screamed, clinging to one another in a huddle. Each one certain that this was the last moment they would share together.

"WHY hellooo there!" said a friendly sounding voice.

"AAAAAAaaagh‐huh?"

The fillies looked up to the source of the voice; it was the monster. He was smiling down at them. The creature bent lower to greet the children, apparently unfazed by their terror.

"What in Equestria are you doing all the way out here?" He asked with a sincerely concerned look.

"Uhh... " The Crusaders looked at each other with the same 'what the hay' expression. After a moment Sweetie Belle finally spoke.

"We're... kinda lost," she mumbled sheepishly.

"REALLY lost," added Scootaloo "You wouldn't happen to know the way back to Ponyville, would you?" A hint of desperation crept into her voice. The girls looked at the serpent with pleading eyes, as if this could be their only hope of getting home. That hope was promptly smashed when the river dweller shook his head somberly.

"Sorry dears, I don't know about much beyond this river, but I'll certainly help you the best I can. I do happen to owe some ponies a great deal of thanks."

The three stared at the giant sea monster in confusion, wondering what kind of pony had come this way before.

"What do ya' mean?" Inquired Apple Bloom. If he can't tell us where Ponyville is, maybe he knows somepony who does.

The serpent then began a long winded tale of how one day his precious mustache was horribly damaged by a (very tacky) wisp of smoke, and how a group of ponies had come along and took the time to fix his prized facial hair.

"A white and purple pony, with a fabulous mane if I do say so myself, cut off her own tail to repair my beloved mustache." The large creature indicated to the discolored portion of hair. As the girls examined the deep hues of the hair, Sweetie Belle recognized it almost immediately.

"That's Rarity's tail!" Her voice betrayed her surprise, Rarity loved her tail and would spend hours upon hours grooming it, the mini‐corn couldn't imagine her sister ever parting with it. After she spoke the beast paused for a moment, lost in thought.

"Now that you mention it, I think one of those other ponies called her that," he mused, after a moment's contemplation he turned his attention to the filly. "How do you know of her?"

"She's my sister." The young girl smiled with pride.

The creature beamed, "Well, I owe your sister a great debt! It's only natural that I lend you a claw, miss...?" He motioned to the filly.

"Sweetie Belle," replied the young pony with a slight bow, "and these are my friends: Scootaloo and Apple Bloom." she motioned to her friends by pointing her hoof.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all, my name is Steven Magnet." He said while taking a deep bow, sending a slight swell across the shore. "How can I be of service?"

"Do you know if there is any way to find a road back to Ponyville, maybe somepon‐ I mean somebody you might know?" the cream unicorn asked with hint of hope in her voice.

Steven shook his head. "I'm truly sorry, but I don't know of anyone who could lead you back." The sea serpent paused for a moment, and then noticed the sun was beginning to approach the mountain line. It would only be fifteen minutes at most before it would begin to dip below the horizon. "I think it's best you girls find some place to rest." He motioned to the west. "The sun is going to set soon, and just a whole cavalcade of just dreadful creatures come out at night."

The girls looked up at Steven. "But, where are we going to stay? We don't have any place to go, and I don't wanna sleep outside." Sweetie Belle said in her best 'troubled maiden' tone that she had been practicing after listening to her sister.

The sea (river?) serpent thought for a moment, then his features brightened. "You don't have to," he said sweeping up the girls onto a length of his scaly body. "There is a castle not too far from here, it's abandoned but I bet it's safer than anywhere else in the forest."

He lifted them so they could see the towers of the ruins, which had been obscured by the trees, it was fairly close and they didn't have any other options.

Steven set the three fillies on the bank of the river. None of the girls liked the idea of getting farther away from Ponyville, but the sun was setting and the fillies didn't dare risk an encounter with anything that called the night home. So they set off as fast as they could, shouting their thanks as they ran to what was likely to be their only safe haven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy slumped onto his back, it had taken forever but the first part of his project was finally done. At his feet lay a tightly braided rope: the rope was made of three braided smaller ropes that in turn were made with three braided vines. In short, there were a lot of braids. The strength of the vines had astounded him, he knew that certain species of ivy had amazing strength, but this was ridiculous. He was unable to pull even one vine apart and when he had tested its strength, and a braid of three vines could hold his weight with little trouble.

Still, he had big plans for the rope, which had gotten quite long. He had tied large knots in the rope, spacing them out every few feet. It was an important feature for what he had in mind. He whistled a merry tune, today had been a good day; he had uncovered the well and caught some fish with an impromptu net made from one of his shirts. They had been difficult to clean; he had only done it once when he was at scout camp. After mangling the first one, he had managed to clean the last two fish rather well and were roasting on the fire. Now that dinner was cooking and rope was done he could finally rest. Troy went outside to double check his length, he had no desire for surprises tomorrow.

Troy trudged outside; thunder rolled through the forest as lightning in the distance lit up the sky, it was to be a stormy night. Closing the door behind him, he made his way to a sturdy tree near the edge of the ravine. The impromptu bridge he had made with the other tree was only a few feet away, which was all the better for what he had in mind.

Let's get this over and done with, I got fish to get back to.

He checked the distances again, and while he could only eyeball it, the chasm didn't seem too wide for the rope. He was about to turn away when he heard a noise in the distance, it sounded like the breaking of twigs and ruffling of leaves. Something was coming this way! Troy began to panic, if whatever was coming was anything like any of the other creatures he had seen in his short time in this place he was seriously screwed. He looked at the tree standing next to him.

"Fuck it."

Troy scrambled up the trunk of the tree like his ancestors did many, many generations ago. He didn't know what to expect, but he was going to see it before it saw him and that was for DAMN sure. While the castle would make a solid defense for a while, it was full of enough holes that anything that wanted in was getting in.

He hunkered down into the tree, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Let's see what our new arrival looks like.

Troy unsheathed his hunting knife, preparing to give whatever monstrosity that appeared a nasty surprise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apple Bloom and the girls pushed their way through their brush. They had made good time, but it was starting to get dark.

"ARRG! Are we there yet?" Scootaloo's ire was getting the best of her.

"Yah! I found it! OVER HERE!" Shouted Sweetie Belle, her head poking through the foliage.

The three piled through the bushes and stood before the castle. They stared in awe of the giant structure, it didn't look this big from the riverbed. There was a sense of grandness that each filly could practically taste. Scootaloo went to the ancient rope bridge, lifting one of the severed ropes with her hoof. The old material creaked as it bent, "We're not crossing this bridge anytime soon," the pegasus said with a huff.

Examining a downed tree that spanned the chasm, Apple Bloom called out. "Hey, we might just be able to use this tuh' git across this canyon."

Scootaloo hopped onto the log, it was pretty solid for a dead tree. "Good find, lets get inside, it could start raining any second."

"I don't know..." the two fillies turned to their cream colored friend, her voice had carried a note concern. "Doesn't something kinda seem off?"

"Whatd'ya mean?" the orange pegasus had a bit of an edge in her voice; she didn't want to stay out under those freaky moving clouds any longer than she had too.

"Well, look carefully, the tree didn't fall on its own." She picked up a wood chip in her mouth, it was obvious to her something had brought the tree down. What was strange was that it hadn't been pushed or kicked over, but that it had been hacked away at. Nothing Sweetie Belle could think of did that, and she had the sneaking suspicion that an animal didn't do it either. However, her friends were less than concerned. Apple Bloom at least looked like she cared, but Scootaloo was clearly not all that worried.

"So what, here the clouds move on their own, maybe trees need help falling over or something." She trotted down the log towards the castle, making sure to keep her footing. The young filly turned to her friends, "You guys coming or not?"

"Ah think we should cross one at a time, safety an' all that." Apple Bloom called back, not wanting to test the structural integrity of the improvised bridge.

Her winged friend shrugged, "Whatever." The filly turned and began to make her way across the log.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy had thought he had lost the ability to be surprised by this point. Nope. Just when he finally expected some horrible monster to come through the brush...

...He got a Technicolor midget horse.

Go figure.

On the bright side I know what's going on now.

The young man nodded to himself.

God is fucking with me for his own amusement.

Obviously there was more to it than that, but that was the best explanation he had at the moment. He returned his attention‐oh Lord there was another one.

Troy's view had been obscured by the leaves of the tree, his only clear view was of the area below him. The newest arrival leapt from the log onto the ground next to the first one. The first one had violet colored mane and a darkish orange coat, and wings.

Yup, God hates me. Only explanation.

Moving on, the newest arrival had a red mane a light yellow coat and... a bow? There was a red ribbon tied in a bow near the back of its head.

Wait, that’s good.
THAT'S REALLY FUCKING GOOD!
Obviously a horse can't tie a knot, which means someone with fingers DID.
Which means somebody owns those critters.
And if I can find him I can finally get my explanation for this fucked up world!

Things were looking up, Troy was a man with a plan. He watched as the two tiny creatures bleated at something Troy couldn't see. After a moment, ANOTHER little horse popped into view. This particular one had a light purple and cream colored mane with cream fur. Troy examined the features of the... horn. This thing had a fucking horn.

So... a mini unicorn, how quaint.

These things defied any common knowledge of any horse animal he knew outside of a pony and even ponies weren't this small. These ponies were the size of a large dog, about three feet tall.

The cluster of cuteness approached the castle door; the cream colored one grabbed the rusted handle in its mouth and pulled. The door would not budge. Troy allowed himself a small chuckle, the door needed to be pushed in, and it was definitely too heavy for the little ponies. The tiny creatures all took turns trying to yank the door open, all to no avail. After a moment of heavy panting they started bleating and mewling at one another.

Wait, are they...

The realization hit Troy like a ton of bricks; they were talking to one another.

You know, you'd think I'd be used to this kind of shit after the giant bear. But NO.

After a moment of conversation they sat in silence, in what Troy could only assume was thought.

Troy weighted his options: he could follow them stealthily or reveal himself. Seeing as they had come here they must know their way around the forest. However, if they slept out here, which was a growing possibility, it would mean that if he wanted to follow them without their knowledge, it would require him to sleep in the tree. A sharp breeze blew through his shirt, sending a cascade of chills up Troy's spine.

Fuck that noise. I'm sleeping inside.

Troy sheathed his knife and readied himself to leave his perch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apple Bloom's ears snapped up, her ears had grown sensitive over her years on the farm. One of the most important things a farmer had was 'The Sense' as Granny Smith called it. A good farmer could hear her crops calling in distress when varmints were preying on them.

...and a bad farmer would go hungry.

She had heard movement coming from a nearby tree. The farm pony didn't even need to look; she could feel something watching her. With a shudder she leaned forward and whispered to her friends, whose heads were still lowered in pensive postures.

"Girls, don't make any sudden movements."

The two little ponies turned their attention to their friend. Her expression was one of grave seriousness. They watched as she slowly turned back to look at something only she seemed to see.

"What's up?" Scootaloo asked softly, but her tone was uncharacteristic high pitched.

"Ah' think somethin' is in that tree over there," the farm filly turned back to her friends, "and Ah' think it's watch'n us."

She froze as a rustle and a thump announced the arrival of their former spectator. The girl's eyes were glued to her, she looked from Scootaloo to Sweetie Belle and saw the two of them share a glance. Apple Bloom drew a deep breath and slowly turned to face the new creature. As she did, she could almost feel the girls shifting their gazes in the same direction.

The monster was on all fours, and seemed to be hunched over from its landing. Its head turned up and it stared right her, she felt like the creature was inspecting every corner of her being. The monsters eyes flicked from her to her friends, examining each of them. The young filly felt like she couldn't breathe, she couldn't move. The terror that had run through her had locked her entire body in place. She had never seen any creature even remotely like this ever before.

It had only a single tuft of short hair on the top of its head to serve as a mane. Its forelegs had a sparse covering of fur, though fur was not quite right. While there was plenty of hair she could see mostly skin and the fur seemed to thin out as it got closer to the main body. The monsters forelegs ended in strange alien appendages, five on each leg instead of a single hoof. Parts of the creatures 'hoof' looked kind of like the claw of a baby dragon she knew, but it was very different. There were no scales at all and no claws on the end. They just... ended, like part of it was missing. On the top of the end of each not‐claws there was a hard carapace that she couldn't even begin to describe.

Its face was strangely flat with a small piece of flesh just jutting out of the front. It had strange rounded ears sticking out from either side of its head. But what disturbed Apple Bloom the most was the look the creature had in its eyes. The blue eyes didn't seem like that of a pony or a predator, rather something in between.

Then it did something none of the fillies would have ever expected, it slowly eased up onto its back legs. Moving with a deliberate slowness, it straightened its body until it was completely vertical, and stood. Apple Bloom could hear Sweetie Belle gasp, it was taller than Big Mac now and suddenly seemed a lot bigger. Now that it was standing upright some things became more immediately apparent. The monster was clothed. A light green shirt covered its upper most portion, but the bottom half was covered with a light brown material that split down the middle to loosely cover its hind legs. Pockets of all sizes adorned the outside of the strange garment, who knew what it had in there or why it needed so many. The back legs ended in some strange brown device that looked like one of Rarity's corsets. Sweetie Belle had explained the garment to her a week ago, it was designed to scrunch down somepony so they could fit in a dress. But these looked like they had some other purpose; maybe it was what allowed it to stand upright.

There was a piece of thick material circling the creature’s middle and seemed to hold two things in place. One was a small axe that fit snugly to its side; the other was a lot more troubling. Apple Bloom couldn't be sure from the strange design adorning the handle but the rest of the shape, while hidden, looked a lot like a kitchen knife she had seen her sister use. Applejack had told her that knives were very dangerous and you could easily hurt yourself, unlike the apple cutters they normally used when making pies. Where had it got all of these things? They didn't look pony made.

The creature seemed to pause a moment, staring at fillies. It looked like it was taking in every detail from the top of their ears to the tips of their tails. Then it took a step forward. The girls scooted back, pressing their backs against the large metal doors. Fear still held their tongues, they couldn't scream, couldn't speak, they couldn't even beg for their lives. The creature took slow heavy strides, slowly approaching the three terrified fillies. It came forward until it was right on top of them, staring down, and suddenly it seemed ten times larger than it had originally. It lifted both of its large not‐claws and stretched them forward.

"Applejack," Apple Bloom heard herself whisper, as if saying her sister’s name would summon her to drive the monster away.

It brought its not‐claws to rest on the large metal door behind them, it was still staring down at them as it loomed over the three girls. Then suddenly it turned its attention to the large doors, giving the ancient metal a push. Apple Bloom could feel the door slide out from behind her, as she and the other girls fell through the threshold. The creature strode over the fillies and made its way towards the center of the dark hall. As her eyes started to adjust to the dim lighting she could feel the rising of hope in her chest, they might just survive this encounter yet!

The problem with quotes on the internet, is that you can never tell if they are genuine or not.
—Benjamin Franklin

Editor's note: Hey everypony, what's up? If you see something that I missed PLEASE point it out in the comments or shoot Jarofhearts (or myself so I can know about it!) a pm so he can fix it. I'm not going to lie, this had to go through a lot of checking and it's a long chapter (31 pages in Microsoft Word...yeeeeeeeeeah) so if I missed something I wouldn't be surprised. But I tried my best to catch as many as possible (there was this one error where he accidentally called Troy a piece of elaborate fabric.) I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed editing it!

Authors note: instead of awkward it was Jacquard (a fancy piece of cloth). That is why you need to actually pay attention when using spell check. Sorry for taking so long to update, there was a lot conspiring against me; with the holidays, Skyrim, LoZ: Skyward Sword (ridiculously good game) and school starting back up, I had a lot to deal with. Also I don't usually write dialogue, especially for someone else's character. It really tripped me up, but in the end I felt I grew as a writer. Hopefully my next update wont take as long, but with school coming back into full swing that might not be possible. Still I thank my faithful readers, it does my heart good to know I can brighten someones day with my inane ramblings.

I'll try to be better about updates, but still expect these to come out once in a blue moon.

Author's Note

If anyone is wondering why I made the ASCII tower of cursing, that was what it was supposed to look like, but without all the extra bits. For some reason the formatting didn't carry over the way I wanted. Don't know when that went away, but this feels like an improvement.

A Teensy Weensy Little Bit of a Spaz Out

Chapter 15

A Teensy Weensy Little Bit of a Spaz Out

Edited by: Neko~

Troy let out an inarticulate scream of impotent anger as he shook his fist at the heavens. More specifically, a rainbow-maned pony in those said heavens who was rolling around on a little cloud laughing her tail off.

She had released a bolt of lighting scant inches from where he was standing.

Right behind him.

The result had been a rather impressive standing leap that got him some serious air time. He might have also screamed. He couldn’t remember and his ears were ringing, so it was anyone’s guess at this point. Yes, he DEFINITELY didn’t scream like a little girl. Most certainly not.

The wayward human flipped the bird at the pegasus and stormed off into the forest from whence he came. Still stewing in his own piss he kicked at some flowers as he walked the path to the castle.

Blue flowers. Flowers that the ponies had made a point of avoiding. Flowers he himself had made a mental note to steer clear of. Those flowers. Of course, he only recalled this fact right as his shoe caught fire.

For the second time in half an hour, he let out a high-pitched scream born of pure panic. He kicked and stomped and danced the hot foot dance.

Then things got worse.

His flailing had robbed him of his balance and sent him tumbling into a patch of the accursed blooms and he was lit up like a dried-out Christmas tree with lights plagued by faulty wiring. Soon, his body was engulfed in flame and his cries took on a desperate edge as he wailed.

He was going to die, this was his funeral pyre.

He had gotten complacent and now he was going to die because of some stupid plant, and it was all his own damn fault.

His flesh was cooking.

His bones would be ash.

The burning, the heat, THE HEAT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I lost…?

“I lost?”

“Wait a second, I'm not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.“
-Robin of Loxley

(Robin Hood: Men in Tights)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...Where was the heat?

Troy suddenly realized that he felt… mildly warm. It took a minute for his brain to catch up to this revelation as his screams lost their edge, taking on a more confused timbre as he calmed down. Cracking an eyelid he saw he was clearly still ablaze. Seeing he was, in fact, still burning to death he waited for the pain to set in…

Nothing. His eyes didn’t even water or dry out when he opened them. He breathed out, and the tongues of fire danced where his breath passed.

Ok, time for the moment of truth. He breathed in. The flames entered his lungs and… It was like breathing in humid weather or maybe kinda like a rainforest… And that was it.

Waiting a heartbeat, then three more just to be safe, Troy finally began to rise from where he had fallen. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing happened. He felt around for his hair and bag. Nothing, everything was apparently fine.

This was fine.

Taking a deep breath Troy continued down the trail. He would… he would do something about this, eventually. He was having trouble thinking as the adrenaline spike from the whole ‘you are now on fire’ thing worked its way out of his system as he stumbled through the forest. It was kind of hard to navigate with everything tinted orange. But hey. If his biggest complaint about CURRENTLY BEING ON FIRE was a color filter then he was going to keep his mouth shut before the universe decided to send another curveball crotchward.

He heard growling from the underbrush, as a whole contingent of those wooden wolves burst out of the underbrush rushing towards him.

What the hell! Why were all the random encounters popping off now?!

He started pawing for his axe, there were at least twenty of them, and he had to run. Maybe he could climb a tree?

Before his thought process had a chance to fully spin up, the group ground to a halt. Maybe it was the orange tint, but if he was reading the doggish features on the wooden wolves correctly, between the lowered ears and tucked tails, this lot didn’t like what they saw at all. Apparently, they had expected just your run-of-the-mill non-pyrotechnic victim, not whatever this hot mess was and it showed.

That small bit of hesitation was enough of a sign. When he worked his axe free of its sheath, he charged forward, howling like a demon. To describe his thought process, you would first have to realize that there wasn’t one. Troy was just a jumbled margarita mix of scared, pissed off, and stress roughly molded into the approximate shape of a person at this exact sequence in time. Charging into a fight outnumbered twenty to one was a great example of how little was going on upstairs at the moment. Luckily for him, a fight wasn’t forthcoming.

The pack turned and ran as one, and Troy chased it down the road, his screams gaining a joyful if somewhat manic edge. Again, stress, coupled with the anxiety and uncertainty from living from day to day in addition to the last fifteen minutes of ‘Lets-give-this-man-a-heart-attack-athon’. All of his jumbled emotions came pouring out of him as retributive vitriol as he cut an image that would have made any Viking ancestor proud.

He continued to chase the wolves, screaming like a madman all the while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zecora sipped her herbal tea as she relaxed on her porch. It was such a lovely day, she looked up to where her freshly brewed tonics hung from the branches of her home and smiled. She had finally been able to fully replace the tinctures she had used during all the excitement with the fillies. Her mind turned to the strange being she had met so soon after, the Hueghman, if she remembered correctly, and wondered to herself when she might see her odd new friend next.

There was a commotion in the distance, drawing her attention to the surrounding foliage. Some kind of continuous background roar was approaching from the direction of Ponyville, along with some distant canine yelping.

It was at that moment a pack of timberwolves burst through the bush, ignoring the subtle scent wards that would normally keep them at bay as they charged past her house and back into the forest. Hot on their heels was the Hueghman in question. Hot being a good word since he was quite literally on fire. Though he didn't seem to mind that fact overmuch, as he howled his challenge to his quarries.

It was only when he paused to catch his breath that he noticed Zecora watching him.

He waved.

She waved back.

Taking a deep breath, the blazing sentinel of vengeance resumed his screaming and charged into the brush.

“VAAALHAAALLAAAAAAAA!”

With wide eyes, Zecora slowly took a sip of her tea as she watched his passing.

“So that is how today will be. Might as well see what help my new friend will need from me.”

She slowly got up, set down her tea, and gave chase to the rampaging hellion that was her new neighbor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several Hours Later…

Twilight Sparkle was in a grand mood as she trotted down the path to the Everfree forest. While she pranced down the trail, Spike caught an errant branch that would have clocked her on the side of the head. For no apparent reason. Again. There had been a lot of such things on the trail, tangles of vines hanging at prime choking height, shambling shrubberies, spiders the size of Opal. The cat, not the gem.

The little dragon had valiantly defended Twilight from the Everfree’s efforts to ruin her good mood. He didn’t know why every bugaboo and Stranglevine seemed to pop up whenever he and Twi went into the freaky woodscape, but it was like clockwork. Fifteen steps later he torched a suspiciously thick creeper that was hanging a bit too low for a traveled path. With what he could swear was a hiss, the vine jerked upward and admitted them passage without further issue.

This near-continuous onslaught barely even registered with the pony he was riding. She was humming a tune as she trotted ever onward. The diminutive dragons waning patience and burgeoning curiosity eventually joined forces and pushed Spike to finally ask the burning question at the forefront of his mind.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” He inquired as he kicked a diving… something square in the beans, mostly by accident but hey a win's a win. With an indignant hiss/screech/squawk the thing crashed into a nearby tree and scurried away on all seven scuttling limbs. The thing looked like an inverted umbrella.

“Becauuuse, Spike.” She drew out the word with a smile. “We’re finally going to get some answers to who our new ‘neighbor’ is.” Her smile swung wide as it hinged towards the manic. “Think about it, an entire culture, an entire history that we know nothing about, they might even have entirely unique areas of study we can’t even imagine. Since they have no magic it might take years, maybe even decades to make sense of their version of science.” Twilight was on her rear hooves and gesticulating wildly as she continued breathlessly, while Spike clung on to her mane for dear life before spotting an approaching problem and dismounted to deal with the issue as Twilight continued ranting. “So much to learn, so much that’s brand new to pony kind, and it’s mine! ALL MINE!” She threw back her head along with her forelegs, and let out a maniacal cackle that would have given Nightmare Moon a good case of the willies.

As she stood there panting, she became acutely aware that Spike was staring at her. So was the Anaconda that he was choking out. It was trying to choke him back but draconic constitution is nothing to be sneezed at. Its eyes rolled into the back of its head as it went limp, though it still maintained an expression that screamed “Lady, you need therapy and lots of it” even as it collapsed to the forest floor.

“Well,” Spike commented as he dusted himself off. “That’s nice.”

“Look! We’re here!” Twilight said, totally not changing the subject, as the chasm that now sported a vine bridge that had gone from serviceable to positively hardy looking in only a few days widened out before them. Interesting as it was, teleportation magic was a thing, and the last time the two of them had gone over a free-standing bridge Spike had gotten a severe case of motion sickness. So it was only natural and made total, logical sense that she teleported the two of them to the entryway of the ancient castle.

This had unfortunate consequences.

Mainly because the situation she had unknowingly dropped the two of them into was too bizarre to stumble upon without the benefit of forewarning.

So she and Spike were now standing in front of a wide-eyed Zecora, who was standing in front of a pot of something or other and had frozen as she just finished throwing a ladleful of the concoction on the human.

Causing it to explode.

Repeatedly.

The creature in question didn’t seem perturbed by this in the slightest, not even noticing that most of its body was currently on fire. As usual, it was hard to tell what it was thinking behind those tiny eyes, but given what she guessed was a friendly wave of its many digits she wasn’t intruding on what she would have otherwise assumed could only be a murder attempt or at least some very unprofessional testing of volatile materials.

“Zeeecora,” she intoned sotto voce, “why are you exploding the human?” While she was certain she was doing an exemplary job of keeping her cool, the way the zebra leaned back from her may have caused her to second guess herself. But she wouldn’t! Because she was certain, that special kind of absolutely, positively, monolithically certain that came from knowing she was absolutely keeping her cool. Right? Right!

Said human was less on fire now, only his pants were still aflame and only in part. Blazing merrily away like a pair of sizzling assless chaps with slightly more dignity. He burbled something in his monkey language and excused himself from the company of the two equines to go do…

Something. Something that Twilight Sparkle would be inquiring about at length. Zecora was distracting her from her primary goal as she talked about “Nullifying the flame of a familiar flower blue” and “What in the hay happened to you?” That last bit wasn’t addressed to her. Though she did check herself over just in case, couldn’t look trashy in front of the representative of a whole new species now could she? No, that would be bad, Celestia would be mad if she did something that could hurt pony/human relations. She would never do that, she would burn the Everfree to the ground before that happened! The thoughts of fire brought an unbidden and totally sane-sounding giggle to her lips, that died when she saw Spike.

The poor dragon looked like he’d been run over by an entire carriage convention. Bits of wood and grime were sticking to him at odd angles, slivers of some kind of chitin were stuck in his teeth and a fang was sticking out of one of his shoulder scales. Though he wiggled that free and tossed it aside without any fuss, solidly classifying it as ‘wedged debris’ rather than a battle wound. Because dragon.

“Oh, you know… The Everfree is just such a…” The miniature drake waved his claw as he searched for the right words. “...aggressively intimate kind of place. Kinda like that one time Twi tried that special cider Applejack brought. She kept hugging Pinkies tail and wouldn’t let go. I asked if I could have some,” He tossed his head up in an exaggerated pout “and she wouldn’t share with me. Didn’t we have a whole friendship report about sharing?”

Twilight Sparkle made indignant noises that could have been something distantly related to a response. Perhaps a few thousand years ago, they could have been the precursors to actual words. Instead, they just filled the air with noise as she tried to come up with a proper rebuttal. As she failed at that endeavor Zecora’s comment finally sunk in.

“Wait, he was affected by Poison Joke?” At Zecora’s nod she followed up with, “and it set him on fire?”

“I was surprised too,” Zecora stirred her concoction as she replied. “Tis too cruel for Poison Joke prank to do. It is a shock that our friend has lived. As for the cure, I had to get…”

She grabbed the ladle she was using to stir her brew and flicked out a splash of her potion onto the ground for another raucous explosion before returning the wooden spoon back into the pot.

“...creative.”

Twilight could only stare in shock as her magical senses took in what was happening. The potion was, from what she could tell, repurposed weed killer mixed with some potent war magic. A soft “yikes” was her only response.

“That,” Twilight stuck out a hoof and pointed at the concoction innocently boiling away. “is a hazard in the strongest sense of the word.” to which Zecora only let out an affirmative hum as the human finally returned, and got another splash of boom juice for his trouble. Now his pants were only half on fire.

Fascinated by the process she tried to center her senses on the human to try to divine what was going on. Her magical senses were giving her mixed messages, detecting the man before her as a hole in space. However, she was detecting small motes of… something. She got closer to discover the flames were, surprise surprise, hot. Though not as hot as she would have expected. Pulling on one of the motes with her magic was a bit of a trial, but so long as she didn’t engulf the mote and touch the human it worked fine.

As she pulled the mote close she realized what it was almost immediately, Poison Joke pollen. It wasn’t magically inert either. After her first run-in with the plant, she had taken the liberty of doing some research, and the plant was potent, its pollen capable of affecting a pony decades after being removed from the plant.

From what she could tell the result was the pollen was trying to affect the human with its own strange breed of magic in a small but constant stream. Only for the magic to quite literally, burn out on contact. The end result was something akin to oxidizing red phosphorus vapor, a flame cool enough to touch. Though waving her hoofs through the flame proved it was cooler the closer it was to the human. Her mind swam with possible implications, with ideas swarming like schools of fish.

It was only when Zecora doused Troy with the boom juice again did Twilight finally got pulled back to the present.

The man grumbled something but still seemed pleased with the result. Despite having been engulfed in flames near moments ago his pants didn’t seem too worse for wear. Twilight could only wonder if it was an effect of the nature of the fire, the pants, or the one wearing them. More questions when she already had so many she could burst.

But she could ask him now. With a violent burst of purple, a blank chalkboard and stand appeared. She grabbed some chalk as she quickly wrote out her greeting in the alien language, and double-checked her work against the cipher that she had taped to the side of the board, and found her confidence in her memorization skills was not misplaced.

[Hello! My name is Twilight Sparkle. I have come here today to request an exchange of knowledge.]

She poofed a table from the library onto the grass and set her over-bloated scroll on top, yes the table wobbled and was only knee high for the human, but everything would be fine.

The human leaned down and unrolled the scroll a bit as his brow creased as started to read what was best described as barely decipherable gibberish.

[Hello/Greetings/Welcom/Salutation/Non-offensive first-time official greeting/Well met, This Document/Scrol/Paper is Here/Present to Facitate/Alow Proper/Pole-ite/Aceptable/Admisable/Suportable/Sustainable Dilog/Comunication/Interchange/Discourse/Interlocution as to Set/Establis/Certify Proper/Pole-ite/Aceptable/Admisable/Suportable/Sustainable Means/Method/Manner as to Proper/Pole-ite/Aceptable/Admisable/Suportable/Sustainable Behavior/Conduct/Demeanor. In this…]

This was Twilight’s proudest achievement. She had created an introductory scroll that would explain everything in a way that was impossible to offend the reader. It had taken her many, many drafts and a few sleepless nights, but this would make sure everything happened the proper way. She stuck her head into her saddlebags and withdrew a survey for the human to go over.

Her magic whisked the chalk over the board as she offered the paper. [If you could complete this after reading the scroll, it would be much appreciated.]

Unfortunately, Troy’s flaming pants lit the survey, which caused a bit of a kerfuffle, but it was fine. The survey was still legible, even if minorly singed. Though it was weird that it caught fire, the flames were cool or rather just warm to the touch…

Twilight heard the scratching before it registered that the human was at the chalkboard as he wrote a reply. This would be fine, he would agree, and then once the dialogue got going she would learn ALL THE THINGS! Any misunderstandings would be cleared up and all that knowledge in his head would be hers and… then she registered his response.

[I am sorry, but I do not think I can do that.]

It took her a good couple of seconds to process what was written. She read it again and looked at the words that had been written in the human’s strange language. There had to be some mistake. Or possibly a mistranslation?

No.

No, it was correct.

She was being told no. No dialogue. No answers. Nothing. She was going to fail in her task, the one set by Princess Celestia herself. One that would be stamped upon the pages of history for generations to come. This moment would be taught in schools little fillies and colts went to. Everypony would learn about how she had been unable to make friends with an entirely new species. She felt something akin to a too-taut guitar string snap in the back of her skull.

And there in that field, in the middle of the Everfree, Twilight Sparkle Lost Her Shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”

-Benjamin Franklin

Author's Note

*Edit: I should have had this here when I first published this chapter, but I ended up forgetting about it. But I will be taking a hiatus from this story to focus on other writing projects. I will still be doing my monthly blog posts to keep from going completely radio silent. Thank you for reading my story and for your infinite patience.

And don't worry, I still plan on finishing this. Stay safe out there!