The Dimensional Well

A distant rumbling echoes throughout the sunken corridors beneath Canterlot Mountain, and small tremors can be felt not long after. Regardless, it doesn’t slow either you or your rainbow-maned companion down as you hurry along, following the anxious canter of the guard captain leading the way.

Despite the rush, you can hear snippets conversations between ponies in the corridor as you pass by, each one serving to underscore how dire the situation really is.

“We’ve lost contact with the 104th.”
“The stars in the western sky just vanished overnight!”
“And Princess Luna?” “Still missing as far as I’ve heard…”

That last one gives you pause, and your stride slows, but the two guards at the rear of your escort continue to usher you forward. After a few more twists and turns, you reach the entrance to a large room, the ponies guarding it offering a salute to their compatriots before opening the ornate doors to let you pass.

“Princess, they’ve arrived,” the captain announces.

Princess Celestia, looking more haggard than perhaps you’ve ever seen her, lifts her head from the many open tomes and maps covering the room’s large strategy table and offers you a weak smile.

“Anonymous, Rainbow Dash. Thank you for coming all this way.”

Two purple ears perk up at the sound of your name, and Twilight Sparkle spins around, accidentally dropping several of the scrolls she was studying from the stack in the far corner of the room.

“Oh! Hey guys, you made it!”

Rainbow grins, puffing her chest with pride. “Was there ever any doubt?”

“Yeah, plenty. I’m shocked we actually got out of there alive,” you groan.

“Your journey was no doubt a harrowing one, but there’ll be time to discuss it later,” Celestia says, motioning for you to sit at the table. “The reason I called you here is because Twilight seems to think that the two of you may be able to shed some light on what happened to prompt… well, all of this. I feel that if we can somehow discern the origin of this crisis, it may help to lead to us to a solution.”

She locks her tired eyes with yours, and you can feel a chill run down your spine as you recognize the deep resolve shining within them.

“So, tell us, Anonymous… why would Fluttershy be seeking to force open a bridge between dimensions?”

You gulp and search your memories. Sure, you interact with the little butterball damn near every day. Sure, she’s constantly trying to hit on you and get in your pants by trying to guess your secret fetish in a variety of bizarre and silly ways. Sure, sometimes she goes too far, like that time she drugged your coffee, pancakes, syrup, the salt and pepper shakers on the table, napkins, and ultimately herself because she couldn’t keep track of all the shit she roofied and chloroformed when you actually agreed to have breakfast with her that one time…

But why would she do something like this? And why would Twilight and Celestia think you’d know anything about it, anyway? Hell, you haven’t even seen Flutters for like a month and a half! Not since that time you…

“Oh shit.”

“What?” Celestia perks up. “Do you remember something?”

“Yeah, I remember it alright. I could never forget that sunset. The sky was on fire. Long lines of spotted pink clouds crossed over the horizon, and the sun was blood red… kind of like a string of herpes on the ass of a Taiwanese hooker. I was heading home from one of my daily Bro-out sessions with Rainbro—”

“Heck yeah!” Dash exclaims. You pause to share an enthusiastic hi-hoof with your best bro, which she eagerly returns.

“And that’s when I saw it: a large, gift-wrapped box in the middle of the road sporting a tag with my name on it. Yeah, my Flutter-senses were tingling, sorta like your crotch does after a trip through the bad side of town. Yet I—"

“Um,” Twilight mumbles, “This narration is really… unique. I didn’t know you had it in you, Anon! But we’re short on time, so can you get to the part where—”

“Hey, who’s telling the story, Purple Nurple, you or me? Shut up, I’m getting to it!”

She grumbles and crosses her forelegs.

“So I opened the box, and inside was a passed-out Fluttershy. Probably ‘cause she forgot to cut any air holes in the damn thing. Anyway, she came to after a few minutes and asked if ‘unexpected presents wrapped up all for me’ were my fetish. It was… it was one of her tamer attempts, for sure. I was sort of worried about her, y’know, ‘cause she almost suffocated herself for this one, and in a moment of weakness I… guess I said something I shouldn’t have.”

“And what exactly did you say?” Celestia asks, her piercing gaze never leaving you.

“No, it’s not my fetish,” you groan, resisting the urge to facepalm. “What the hell kind of fetish is that supposed to be, anyway?”

“Oh, um, well…” Fluttershy mumbles, wiggling in the box uncomfortably.

You peer over the side and for the first time notice that she’s used a bunch of wrapping paper ribbon to tie herself up in that good old familiar horse-bondage fashion. Of course. You reach out and pull on one of the exposed ends of the ribbon, and they all fall away at once, allowing her to stand.

“Look, Fluttershy, I get that you’re trying really hard here, but there’s something you should know. I… I didn’t want to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter what fetish you try, it’ll never work on me. I’m sorry, but you’re wasting your time.”

Her eyes start to water and her lips tremble, and before you know it, she’s leapt from the box to embrace you in a death hug, crying all the while.

“Oh! Oh, Anon! Does… does your winky not work? Don’t worry, sweetie, there are herbs for that… we… we can do something about it, I’m sure!”

“No, goddamn it! My dick works fine!” you yell, prying her from you.

“W-Well, then what’s the matter?”

You sigh. “Look. You know how I was pulled into this world through a portal, right? Well, the thing is… how do I put this… not all of me came through to this side.”

She attempts to embrace you again, but a quick hand on her forehead stops her forward momentum.

“Oh sweetie, was your penis left behind on Earth? Oh no… but it’s okay, you can wear a strap-on and we can pretend!”

“Shut up about my dick, okay? It’s still there! You’ve seen it multiple times!”

She tilts her head up in thought. “Oh, that’s right. How silly of me. But… but maybe you should show me again just to be sure?”

“No! Fuck, just listen for a second… what I lost back on Earth was my libido. For some reason, ever since I got here, I haven’t been attracted to anything! That’s why none of your guesses’ll work… even if you happened to figure out my fetish, which is NOT gonna happen by the way, it wouldn’t have any effect. Like I said, you’re wasting your time.”

Her ears fold back. “But… but that can’t be true! Are you really saying th-that this does n-nothing for you, big boy?”

She spins around and shakes her rump at you, swishing her tail to give you a glimpse of the goods, but you merely turn away at the sight.

“Remember that time you loaded a sandwich up with enough Pony-viagra to cause my heart to explode and it did nothing? That should be proof enough, right?”

She turns back around, her eyes wide. “Oh.”

“As long as my libido’s trapped back in my world, none of this is ever going to work. I know it’s cliché but… it’s not you, it’s me. I’m sorry. But hey, it’s not so bad! I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone else you can be interested in harassing if you try!”

She doesn’t reply and instead turns away to start a dejected trot back to her cottage. You didn’t see or hear from her again after that day. At least, not until…

“So, your libido didn’t come with you through the portal? That’s fascinating!” Twilight exclaims, already taking notes on the multiple scrolls hovering around her.

“No, dumbass, it was all bullshit! I just made up that story so she’d leave me alone!”

“But… but if it was a lie, then how were you able to resist the effects of all those aphrodisiac herbs like you said earlier?” Twilight asks.

“Oh.” You gesture toward Rainbow. “That’s because I’ve been railing Dash like three times a day, every day since I got here. By the time I ate that sandwich I was totally tapped out.”

“Yeah! It’s part of our workout!” the pegasus adds. “Y’know, a little cooldown rut after hitting the gym hard with your bro! It’s totally normal! Oh, and sometimes we like to prank each other too. Like, he’ll put his stinky gym socks in my locker, and then to get him back I’ll suck his dick when he’s waking up in the morning and totally make sure to swallow afterwards. You should see the look on his face when that happens, it’s so worth it, ha ha!”

She flies over and playfully punches you in the shoulder, while Twilight’s face flushes and she turns away to process this new revelation.

“I see,” Celestia sighs. “That certainly explains much. But I can’t help but think this all could’ve been avoided had you two been honest and up-front about your relationship to Fluttershy.”

“R-Relationship? Between bros?” And now it’s Rainbow’s turn to blush even harder than Twilight. “C-C’mon, Princess, that’s gay. Don’t be gay.”

Celestia blinks. “I… don’t think you have a complete grasp of the definition of that word, but all right.” She turns to you. “So, if the two of you aren’t in a relationship, then why reject Fluttershy so vehemently? I believe I read a Friendship Report at one point that mentioned she had a brief stint as a model… surely she can’t be that unattractive to you?”

“Hey! I have standards!” you protest.

Celestia looks to you, then to Rainbow, then to you again. “Given what we’ve just discussed, I’m not sure I believe that.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever. Yeah, Fluttershy’s supposedly hot for a pony, but what those magazines don’t tell you is that she constantly smells like animal urine, eggplants, and desperation. That and she’s batshit fucking crazy. It’s kind of a turn-off.” You cross your arms and flash the alicorn an icy stare. “Don’t tell me you’re going to try to blame me for all of this.”

“Not for all of it,” Celestia counters, “but it was your deception that set her on this path. You must at least recognize that much.”

“Bullshit! How could I have known that she’d actually attempt to tear open a portal between dimensions just so she could get an injection of HMD?! And even if she did try it, she’s not even a unicorn, so what could be the worst that could possibly happen? I mean, COME ON!”

More distant rumbling, followed by a series of tremors, shake the very foundation of the mountain itself, causing the lights to flicker and small pieces of debris to fall from the ceiling. A pall of silence hangs over the room for several minutes, only broken when one of the guards coughs.

“Okay, okay, fine, maybe I should’ve known,” you grumble.

“Princess, you can’t place all the blame on Anon,” Twilight says, placing a comforting hoof on your leg. “While it’s true that it was certain Fluttershy would try to do something, nopony could’ve predicted the lengths she’d go to in order to wrest his libido from across the veil of reality. I mean, if you think about it, it’s astounding!”

She starts to pace back and forth, lifting several tomes in the air with her magic.

“Who could’ve ever predicted that she’d travel beyond the badlands, descending through the earth by way of a Changeling hive of all places, in order to access the forgotten foundations of the world and the treasures housed within, including the elusive ChronoSphere, the most powerful time-travel relic known to ponykind?! And then, after acquiring such a relic, who would’ve thought that she’d travel to the gates of Tartarus itself, performing unspeakable atrocities along the way in order to gather enough negative Soul Energy to release the seven grand bindings of Shub-Neighgurath, the One of Many Mouths from Beyond the Stars, and then, using the power of the ChronoSphere, cast both herself and Shub-Neighgurath into a place of un-time, whereupon over countless eons she could ultimately gain dominance over the cosmic entity, and use its power to rend a tear through the planes of reality upon her return. I mean… wait a minute…”

“What? What’s the matter?” Celestia asks, casting a worried glance toward her student.

Twilight blushes and slinks back in response, several beads of sweat forming on her brow. “Oh… it’s… uh… I was just thinking about how similar this sounds to the villain’s plan in a novel I’ve been writing. The, uh, the manuscript of which I’d asked Fluttershy to proofread for me a few months ago. Did you know that she’s a very prolific writer herself?”

The alicorn’s gaze hardens. “Twilight Sparkle… do you mean to tell me that you gave her what was essentially a step-by-step guide as to how to go about all of this?”

“W-Well,” Twilight gulps. “You see, a big pet peeve of mine when it comes to stories is when the plot isn’t thaumatologically accurate. It takes me right out of the action! I… I figured if I stuck to what was possible, and even provided some tables, maps, and example incantations, it would help… immerse… the reader?”

“Ah, I see,” Celestia mumbles, staring off into the distance. “Please excuse me for a moment.” And with that, she trots over to the corner of the room and begins repeatedly banging her head against the wall.

“Whoa, Fluttershy did all that?!” Dash exclaims in disbelief, turning to you. “Dang, Anon, she really wants to get her hooves on your salty sausage!”

“Yeah, tell me about it. But what am I supposed to do? According to Autismo here, she’s apparently enslaved a dark god or something to do her bidding. I think at this point I’ve got no choice…”

Rainbow stomps a hoof, then confidently takes to the air.

“No way, dude! Don’t give up! As your best bro, I always get first dibs, and she can’t get a piece of you unless I say so!”

“Is… that how this works?”

She blushes a bit, twirling in the air in an attempt to hide it. “Y-Yeah! Didn’t I ever tell you? Bros always have dibsies on each other! A-And sometimes they kiss, too. Like, all the time! I can’t remember if I told you that or not yet.”

“I don’t think you did, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

You think you hear a squee from her, but it’s muffled by the sound of a unicorn scout teleporting into the room. He takes a moment to survey the scene, then trots over to Celestia, gently tapping one of her legs to catch her attention.

“Your Highness, I apologize for interrupting your therapy session, but I’m here to report that we’ve successfully pinpointed the epicenter of the cataclysm.”

Celestia removes her head from the massive indentation she’s made in the stone wall. “Is that so? Where is it?”

He salutes. “It’s difficult to describe considering the current state of the world, but it appears to be in what was the area just southeast Fillydelphia.”

Celestia nods resolutely. “Thank you. Well done; you are relieved. Go to your family and spend some time with them before the end.” She turns to address the other guards in the room. “The same goes for all of you. You are all dismissed and free to do as you please.”

With a solemn nod of understanding, they exit, leaving the four of you behind.

“W-What are you going to do, Princess?” Twilight hesitantly asks.

“It’s not what I’m going to do, it’s what we will be doing,” she replies, the gravity of her words palpable. “I’ll be teleporting all of us to the epicenter. Once we arrive, you must act exactly as I’m about to tell you, is that understood?”

All of you nod in assent, and Celestia turns her focus to you.

“As soon as we get there, I’ll likely find myself pulled into a battle against Shub-Neighgurath’s manifestation. While that’s happening, Anonymous should capture Fluttershy’s attention. This should be simple given that you are her ultimate objective in all of this.”

Seems easy enough. She’ll no doubt be all over you as the second she sees you.

“Twilight Sparkle, your job is to locate the ChronoSphere, as it will be the key to resolving this matter. Use your magic to separate it from Fluttershy while both she and the dark god are distracted. Once that is done, Rainbow Dash will recover the ChronoSphere and deliver it to me, whereupon I’ll use its power to reverse the flow of time to a point well before any this madness ever happened.”

“So… there’s actually a way to fix all this shit?” you ask, a hint of hope in your voice. “That’s great! No wonder you seemed so calm; you must’ve had it all figured out from the start, huh?”

“That’s Princess Celestia for you!” Twilight cheers.

“I wouldn’t celebrate just yet,” Celestia continues. “Our success in this is not guaranteed and using the ChronoSphere is not an exact science. Pinpointing a specific destination in time when using it is difficult, and I’ll likely end up landing years before any of you were even born.” She paces for a bit, then adopts an oddly contemplative expression. “Though, considering the circumstances, that may end up being a net benefit for the world as a whole…”

Great. So no matter how things go you’re pretty much boned. Seems to be par for the course in magical horse land.

“Are you all ready?” Celestia asks. The three of you look to one another and then nod. “Very well. Let’s go pay a visit to Fluttershy, shall we?”

Her horn glows with a golden light, and four of you vanish in a flourish of magic.