The Party Planner Ponies Proposal
Morning in Ponyville was always a magical thing. The shops were open, the birds were singing, and everypony was out and about. Well, except for two. A particular pair of foals were in their parents’ kitchen in the back of Sugarcube Corner; their gazes locked onto the slowly cooling cake they’d pulled from the main oven. A lovely, full baking smell filled the whole shop, now completely caked in flour and eggshells.
“Ya think it’s ready?” asked Pound, not taking his eyes off the cake.
“It’s only been a minute,” said his sister Pumpkin. Her eyes crossed as she considered their confectionary creation. “So, probably!”
“Still, we should get some otherpony to test it for us.”
His sister nodded enthusiastically, “Well of course! We’d be biased in our own favor after all.”
“Of course!” Pound declared with one hoof raised high, “This cake’ll probably get us our cutie marks! Won’t the Crusaders be proud of us?”
“Well, not if we make them sick. Better pick somepony with an iron stomach. Just in case.”
As they pondered briefly their next move, the young foals heard the distinct sound of the doorbell ring and an even more distinct sound of springing steps come through. She was here! They rushed to the front of the shop.
In hopped Pound and Pumpkin’s favorite pony in all of Equestria, Pinkie Pie, humming the final notes of a song they couldn’t place.
“Smile, smile, smile… I’m back!” she announced needlessly as the Cake twins leapt to hug their old foal-sitter. “Oh wow, I didn’t think I was gone all THAT long!”
“Will you try our cake?” Pumpkin said, smiling and staring straight up into Pinkie’s eyes.
Her brother joined her, “Please Pinkie? We think we got it right this time!” Two sets of glistening eyes were better than one.
Pinkie snorted. “A cake? From the Cake twins? How could I resist! What kind is it?”
“Carrot Pound Cake!” they both announced as one.
“Oooh!” Pinkie licked her lips, “sounds scrumptious!”
They hurriedly brought out the small brown loaf, still steaming slightly. Pinkie gave it a little sniff, eyed it, then waved her tongue in the air above the cake. She even pulled out a stethoscope and gave it a listen. The twins watched her go through her process with beaming looks.
Then, clearly satisfied, she took a great big bite. And stopped, her eyes shrunk to points. Pinkie bit down again, snapping something crunchy baked into the cake. She mulled the mouthful for a few moments before swallowing, then took both hooves and started poking at the loaf.
“Is…is something wrong Pinkie?” Pound asked, his expression growing uncertain as his sister did likewise.
One of Pinkie’s eyes grew three sizes as she inspected. Then she turned back to the foals.
“You guys realize you’re supposed to grate the carrot first, right?”
The twins looked at each other.
Pumpkin turned back to Pinkie. “Oh, really?”
“We thought it said to use ‘great’ carrots,” her brother added. They hung their heads low.
But Pinkie just let out one of her bubbly laughs. She tossed the cake up into the air and swallowed the whole thing in a single chomping bite as it came down.
“That was really something! And you did it differently from anypony else I know, so you made it your own. Great first try guys!” She scooped the twins up in a short, warm hug.
With a hoop and a holler, the twins cheered and clapped hooves. A job well done! Well, until Pinkie saw the mess they made in the kitchen. Then it was the rest of the morning spent mopping and scrubbing while she ran the shop. But they had a noticeable spring to their steps.
And that was just one of the things Pinkie loved about living here in the Cake’s shop. She’d seen the twins really begin to grow up over the years, and she got to share all the joy and laughter they and the other inhabitants of Ponyville during all that time. Ponies came in with problems, or just with orders, and Pinkie helped them make their dreams come true, at least when she wasn’t making their confectionary or party plans come true instead.
“Life is good,” she sighed. Then, with a creeping horror, her eyes snapped wide open. “Oh…darnit. That’s always followed by SOMETHING messing things up and making me a liar.”
Pinkie glanced around the shop as she said this. She checked left, right, up, down, even off-screen. Everything seemed alright. The twins were cleaning. Lyra and Bonbon were browsing the cupcakes. Even that spider in the corner was just knitting an itsy bitsy sweater for itself.
“Aw!” She sat in the awkward silence. “Huh. Guess I was- “
The front door nearly caved in as something slammed directly into it. A muffled “Ow” followed.
Pinkie sighed, this time with a little frustration, then went outside. Derpy sat rubbing the top of her mane in front of the door, a small bump probably forming under that yellow fluff.
“Ooof,” she moaned, “you’d think I’d get used to that.”
“Hi Derpy!”
“Oh, hi Pinkie!” the grey mare climbed up and dusted her uniform off, “I got a package for you!”
“A package? For me? Where is…” Pinkie gasped. Behind the deliver pony, practically sinking into the road, a massive pink box with gold wrapping towered. It was almost as large as the Cake Shop itself!
“D-derpy, HOW did you get that thing here?”
“Wasn’t easy. Bulk was here a minute ago…”
On cue, the hulking muscle pony pulled himself out from under the gargantuan present.
“Oh, there he is!”
“But who sent this here?”
Derpy held out an envelope. Pinkie took it and ripped at the edge.
“’To Pinkie Pie,’” she read, “’you’re such a blast, I’d always PECK you.’ Huh…wonder what that means?”
And again, as if on cue, the package began to shake. The three ponies in attendance retreated to the door of Sugarcube Corner as the box’s ribbons fell away. The walls dropped like curtains, and the lid dropped to the ground, revealing a truly, completely, stupendous Cannon.
Pinkie gasped again. It was wonderful! It was beautiful!
And then it exploded. With a deafening thunderblast the cannon rocked the houses of Ponyville, causing roofs to jump several feet in the air and throwing a heavy sheet of confetti high over the whole town. Well, confetti and some sort of tiny plastic bits that came down like smoky hale. Pinkie shook the soot out of her hair, which currently stretched straight back and was lightly singed at the tips, and walked up to one of the larger smoking bits.
“Is…are these rubber chickens?”
As she said the words, a wondrous sound filled the space left by the titanic blast. Not that Pinkie nor any other pony could hear it right away. But after several minutes of inspecting the debris, she looked up towards the cannon and finally saw him as her hearing returned.
A tall, thin stallion, with a frizzy brown mane and an accordion knelt beside the cannon, taking deep, gasping gulps of air and watching her expectantly.
Pinkie Pie’s hair snapped back to its customary springy frizzy mess and her eyes seemed to swell with what the best pony wizards could only assume was pure, unbridled joy.
“CHEESE!”
“*inkie*!” Cheese seemed to say through the terrible ringing.
Pinkie shook her head to clear that out, and leapt into Cheese Sandwich for the biggest hug she could manage.
Cheese laughed as they rolled across the ground in a tight hug, then said in his typical lisp, “Wow! I knew that song was a firecracker, but I didn’t expect this!”
“What? Oh, no, I couldn’t hear it! That cannon was loud!” Pinkie shouted. “Also! I don’t think that songs work in print!”
A puzzled look came over Cheese, “What?”
“Nevermind! What are you doing here Cheese? Did somepony want a party thrown around here? Why wasn’t I told!?”
They finally stood up and began dusting off. “Nothing like that! I just wanted to see you again, Pinkie. I wanted to- “
He stopped, then turned to look around at the growing crowd of angry, angry ponies. One in particular, a usually fabulous Rarity, stalked towards them with a small hill of confetti (and a rubber-chicken head) sitting atop her mane.
“Darling,” she began, teeth grit, “I just want to make sure you know that I am very happy to see you again. It has been too long, dear. But, with that in mind, WHAT IN FASHION WEEK WAS THAT ABOUT!?”
“Whoops,” Cheese smiled sheepishly (a feat for a pony), “Sorry everypony! I just wanted Pinkie to get a good look at her gift. I’ll try to keep it down while I’m here.”
Pinkie chuckled, almost to the point of a fit.
“Pinkie, darling, sweet-thing?” Rarity said, “Are you okay?”
“He, he,” GASP, “he said I was a BLAST! And he’d PECK me!”
She picked the rubber chicken bits off Rarity’s head.
“What a CHEESY pun!”
The grumbling pony mob, Rarity included, began filtering off back to their day, tinnitus and all.
Pinkie quickly wrapped up business with Lyra and Bonbon, and sent Derpy and Bulk off with some complimentary muffins. Then she, Cheese, and the Twins went out for lunch. While they were out, Pound and Pumpkin rushed off to talk to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and report on their cutie-mark progress, which gave Pinkie and Cheese time to talk.
“Those two have really sprouted up!” said Cheese, raising an eyebrow, “Pretty soon they’ll be running the shop, am I right?”
“Heh heh…maybe not too soon,” Pinkie laughed, “But they’re doing better than last time. Their apple brownies melted right down into my party cave!”
“Hope that didn’t mess with your files.”
Pinkie shook her head. “Nah! I’ve been hiding my backups over in Twilight’s library. She’s not around as much so I don’t think she’d mind.”
She took a long sip of hot chocolate.
“Now, what’s with the cannon? It isn’t my birthday yet. Unless this is the anniversary of when I used that magic mirror…” she started glancing about for her calendar.
Cheese leaned back in his chair. “I just wanted to give you a party cannon to put all party cannons to shame! Because I think you deserve it! I guess I might have gone a bit too far.”
“That’s what I love about you Cheese,” Pinkie said, “you always think about other ponies and you always go big!”
“Yeah, heh heh, love,” he said, one hoof scratching the back of his head. “Um, Pinkie?”
“Yeah?”
“I sort of wanted to talk to you about something. See, I- “
“Ooh! Big Mac! Sugar Belle!” Pinkie was up on the table waving down her passing friends. “Did you know Cheese Sandwich was back in town!?”
Sugar Belle, satchels full of groceries, said quietly, “We, ah, heard. Yes.”
Big Mac nodded. “Eyup.”
“Oh, hi guys,” Cheese waved weakly, “um, where was I? Oh, Pinkie, I wanted- “
“He got me a new party cannon! You guys holding a shindig anytime soon?”
Big Mac shook his head quickly. “Nnope.”
“Not right now Pinkie,” Sugar Belle said, and started leading Big Mac away, “but the Apple Family Reunion is coming up. Check back with us then!”
Pinkie waved as her friends went on their business, then sat back down to stare at Cheese. He took a deep breath.
“Alright, Pinkie, I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and- “
Pinkie was already out of her seat.
“Okay,” Cheese finished quietly.
“Cranky! Matilda! Over here!!!”
The donkey couple trotted over to the table.
“Good morning Pinkie Pie!”
“Pfa! Nothing good about it…” Cranky grumbled.
Cheese nodded, “I hear ya brother.”
Pinkie hadn’t noticed, “You coming by to talk about your anniversary party?”
“Just wanted to order a cake, dear,” Matilda laughed, “it’s not a milestone, so we thought we’d just have you and a couple close friends over.”
Pinkie gasped, yet again. “You can’t be serious! Here, we need to take this to the Party Cave!”
And like that, Pinkie, Matilda, Cranky, and a curiously dour Cheese got up from lunch and started back towards the Cake’s shop.
Later, quite a bit later in fact, Pinkie and Cheese were back in the kitchen waiting on a set of cupcakes to bake. Cranky and Matilda had left a while ago, after a laborious presentation on parties by Ponyville’s premiere party planner pony. The twins had gone upstairs to play while Pinkie and Cheese worked. The whole time, Pinkie talked on and on about the twins, and Princess Flurry Heart (who she still visited regularly), and every other pony in Equestria it seemed.
After a solid while of Pinkie gossip and talk about this friend and that, she began to notice something. Cheese hadn’t said much in over an hour, largely noncommittal grunts and affirmations when she mentioned something. Even while he helped her whip the cupcake batter and pop them in the oven, he really hadn’t said anything.
That wasn’t like him at all… and perhaps she knew why.
“Um, Cheese?” she said, sudden realization only now dawning on her, “I know I got distracted earlier…and you were trying to say something that sounded important. I’m sorry if- “
Cheese held up one hoof. His face was strange. Like it was all made up of seriousness. Or he needed to sneeze. Or perhaps he was angry?
But then it cracked as a chuckle ran up his throat.
She frowned. “Are…are you okay?”
His laugh grew until Cheese was shaking all over. “I’m better than okay Pinkie! I’ll admit, I was a little upset that you kept interrupting me to talk with your friends- ”
Pinkie frowned, “I’m so sorry- “
“Don’t be!” Cheese said.
Pinkie raised one eyebrow, “How’s that?”
“Pinkie,” Cheese said once his laughter had calmed, “Pinkamena Diane Pie. You’re the type of pony who will throw away anything and everything for a friend. Even just to give them a ‘good morning’ or a ‘hello’! How can I really be upset with you over that? That’s what I love about you!”
“Love?” Outside of the tick-tock of the kitchen timer, there wasn’t a lot of sound in the kitchen. Pinkie’s word had been very clear.
“Of course,” Cheese took her hoof in his, “Pinkie… from the moment I met you, you inspired me to spread happiness and joy throughout Equestria. You pretty much made me the pony I am today! And then, when I was in my funk, you un-funked me and got me back on the path of my life’s work!”
He knelt. Her eyes grew, and her breath caught.
“Pinkie Pie, you make me a better pony, and I want to keep being better. For you.”
Pinkie looked down at her hoof at the balloon-animal now wrapped around it.
“Will you make me the happiest pony in the world? Will you marry me?”
DING!
“Cupcakes!”
The party planner ponies scrambled to remove the cupcake trays from the oven. They set them to cool, then poured the next batch and threw them in. Pinkie twisted the timer back around and set it down.
Then, Pinkie took off her apron and carefully folded it. She put it aside on the counter. And then, after checking to make sure her mane was clear of pastry bits, she started bouncing. Lightly, at first, until she got a good SPRING going and threw herself into Cheese as if he was a ten-layer marble cake.
“So,” Cheese gasped through the warmest, biggest hug he’d ever had, “does that mean…?”
“YES! Yes it does!”
Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie Pie laughed and spun through the house. Their sheer, unchecked joy had them bursting with it. Had the twins not snuck out by this point to have their own half-hour adventure dealing with friendship, they would have been able to feel as well as heard it.
The ponies finally came to a stop when they nearly tipped over a whole shelf of pastries, and they took two breaks during their happiness-induced dancing; one was to take out the next set of cupcakes. The other was a musical song and dance number. Very tasteful, slightly retro. But when they were done, Cheese and Pinkie pressed their foreheads together and just breathed a sigh of momentous contentment.
“I love you Cheese.”
“I know.”
She looked up into his face, “’I know’? You just said, ‘I know’?!”
Cheese smiled, “Hey, I said it first. You knew where I stood!”
Pinkie hugged him tighter, if that were possible. “Alright, fair enough.”
The silent contentment went on. Together, covered in flour, filled with love, there was no more perfect moment for Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich.
Cheese finally sighed, and happily whispered to his special somepony, “Right, so we can wait until after the Apple Family Reunion, since you’re clearly party planning for that.”
“Yeah…wait,” Pinkie pulled out of the hug, “What?”
“Well we can’t very well stick around here forever.”
She cocked her head quizzically, “But, why not?”
This silence was far less content.
“Pinkie,” Cheese said slowly, “I’m a traveling party planner pony. If I don’t travel, I get wonky and funked. You know this. You helped me learn that about myself.”
“But Cheese, I can’t just leave!” a tremble of hysteria filtered into Pinkie’s voice, “I have my friends! My job! My whole career! I love this town! I can’t just LEAVE Ponyville!”
Contentment would be the opposite of this new silence.
Cheese broke it first, “But Pinkie, I don’t think I can live in one place.”
“Then,” she said with glistening eyes, “How can we…?”
The front doorbell rang, and Mr and Mrs Cake sauntered in completely unnoticed by Cheese or Pinkie.
“What a long trip!” Mrs Cake sighed, “Next time I take an order to Manehatten, talk me out of it!”
“Course, dear. But maybe next time the kids… oh?”
Not a word was spoken. No pony could break eye contact.
Not until Cheese said, almost as a whisper, “I don’t know.”
As Cheese bowed his head, and Pinkie ran upstairs to her room, tears in her eyes, Mrs Cake was left with the awful, awful feeling that she’d walked in on something extremely sensitive yet again.
The sun was just past the point of midday when the School of Friendship down in Ponyville emptied itself. A swarm of students, ponies, griffons, hippogriffs, dragons, changelings, and even yaks, rushed out excitedly, carrying their very own homemade kites. They flew, only a few literally, up into the hills outside of Ponyville and began breaking off into teams to test out their creations.
The staff followed, except for Headmare Starlight, who actually managed to beat the students there. After she happily cried out the final instructions for this activity, she took a spot on the hill for herself. Her school’s Counselor Trixie and Starlight’s Vice Headstallion Sunburst sat nearby, as did Maud Pie, on loan as the school’s geology teacher.
But bringing up the rear, dragging her hooves and kite all the way, was Pinkie Pie. Her mane was limp, and she seemed to be more interested in the ground than anything around her. She eventually slumped into a spot next to Maud, and did not seem to notice how her kite went up into the sky, only to come right back down again.
“This kite flies like I feel,” she sighed, “like a big, heavy kite that can’t fly.”
Maud, flying a boulder-themed kite that Starlight had helped her with, spoke in her typical monotone. “That is oddly specific, and accurate. Is something wrong?”
Starlight, bringing her kite nearer while Trixie and Sunburst got theirs tangled, said softly, “Did everything go well with Cheese yesterday? I… heard he was in town to see you.”
Pinkie threw her kite up again. The purple, pink, and blue creation barely lifted off the ground before it dropped straight back down, and then burst into flames at the bottom of the hill.
“Doesn’t look like it,” said Maud.
Pinkie sighed again, “Cheese… proposed to me.”
Starlight’s eyes widened considerably. Trixie gasped from under a pile of string and fabric. Sunburst stared and smiled from atop said pile of string and fabric. Maud just stared.
“Congratulations Pinkie,” Maud said finally, “I know how happy he makes you, even if I don’t get it myself.” As everyone turned shocked or less-than-pleased looks on her, Maud followed with, “Kidding. It was in reference to how you took me dating Mudbriar poorly years ago. I thought you needed a laugh.”
“Thanks sis, but I don’t think a laugh will do it this time.”
That more than anything, made the others realize something was very, very wrong.
Starlight came over and put one foreleg around Pinkie’s shoulders. “What’s going on Pinkie? Shouldn’t this be good news?”
Pinkie met her concerned gaze. “It would be, but… but Cheese wants to travel.”
“Well, he is a TRAVELING party pony, isn’t he?”
“But that’s just it!” Pinkie stood up, a tick more energy and worry in her voice, “He’s a TRAVELING pony! The last time he got stuck in one place, he almost went coocoo from it! He needs to be out there! Spreading joy and laughter!”
Trixie and Sunburst rolled down the hill, stopping a few feet away with Sunburst on top of the kite pile. “Then what’s the problem? You love him and he loves you. Seems simple enough.”
Pinkie zoomed right up to Sunburst, startling the pony and causing his pile to fall back over.
“But that’s just it! I can’t! If I go traveling with him, I won’t be in Ponyville anymore. All of my friends are here. My family is here- “
“Here-adjacent,” Maud corrected.
“- or here-adjacent!” Pinkie didn’t skip a beat, “My party planning business is here. Everything I am is in Ponyville.”
Starlight said, “Well then, stay in Ponyville. I don’t think anypony would object to Cheese moving in, assuming he stops using that cannon…”
Pinkie wheeled around on Starlight. “I can’t ask him to stay here!”
“Why not?” asked Maud.
Pinkie started bouncing again, and even produced an accordion, as though she needed the visual, and musical aid. “Because traveling is his life! I couldn’t do that to him. As much as I love Cheese, and he loves me, Cheese loves the road too! What kind of pony would I be if I asked him to choose?” She tossed the accordion away as she said this.
Trixie, now atop the pile of string, kites, and Sunburst, said, “Pinkie, as one might expect from the Great and Powerful Counselor Trixie, I have a solution to your problem.”
She and Sunburst suddenly vanished in a flash of blue light, leaving the ruins of their kites behind. They instantly reappeared however, just a few feet away. Starlight grinned sheepishly, then said, “Sorry, but that was getting old.”
Pinkie had already blown past her to reach Trixie. “What? What is it? How do I fix this!?”
Checking to make sure she had teleported whole, Trixie continued, “Well, I heard there was this magical pool somewhere nearby that would allow you to make copies of yourselves- “
Maud cut her off with an unaffected, “No.”
“Wait a minute Maud,” whined Pinkie, “she may be onto something.”
“The Great and POWERFUL Trrrixie is ALWAYS onto something!”
Maud didn’t even look at Trixie, “No, I mean, besides the fact that the last time you used that pool it almost ended with you trapped in a nightmarish existential non-existence, I had Mudbriar drain the pool six moons ago.”
“What!?” cried Pinkie.
“Magic pool?” cried Sunburst.
“Why doesn’t anypony tell me about these things,” sighed Starlight.
Pinkie shrugged. “Oh well, I guess that was asking for too much trouble. Plus, I’m pretty sure there’s still a few of me still hanging around.”
Maud stepped forward and placed one hoof on Pinkie’s shoulders. “Pinkie, listen to me.”
Pinkie looked up into Maud’s eyes.
“You don’t need some wacky scheme or magical artifact to deal with your problem. Every couple is different, and just like you keep telling me, every friend is different. It’s our differences that make our relationships better. Even Mudbriar and I have problems. Not many, since he’s the perfect partner both emotionally and logically, but you get what I’m saying. Just talk to Cheese. I’m sure you’ll figure out something.”
Pinkie smiled softly, the first genuine one she’d felt since Cheese proposed. She hugged her sister tight, then wiped a tear away.
Starlight also smiled. “Wow Maud. You ever thought about being a school Counselor?” This earned her a dirty look from Trixie, but little else.
“Thank you, Maud, I think I understand now,” Pinkie said, her mane beginning to frizz back to its proper proportions. “If I want to figure this out, I’ll have to talk to all the couples I know and get them to tell me how they fixed their relationships!”
Maud didn’t bat an eye. “No Pinkie, I- “
But Pinkie was already springing down to grab her kite. She hurled the thing, still smoky, up into the sky, and as it caught the wind, it sailed off into the blue yonder, carrying Pinkie Pie with it!
As their pink friend vanished into the sky, the assembled ponies simply stared in dumbfounded silence.
Sunburst broke first, “How has nopony ever written a study on Pinkie yet?”
“She…she still has a class to finish,” Starlight added, still staring.
“This is why I don’t give advice anymore,” said Maud.
It was the hour before true evening fell across Equestria, assuming Twilight wasn’t preoccupied with something more important than the sun and moon, and the deep orange hues were giving way to violet and blue. All across and around Ponyville, peace and harmony were settling in.
That is, except at Fluttershy’s house, which currently hovered high above the ground, spinning in place like a pinwheel. Soft jazzy music filtered out of its open windows, as did the delicious smell of hot food wafting across the breeze. If any peace was to be had here, it had been run off a while ago.
A cloaked figure watched the tree spin with intense interest.
Inside, Fluttershy herself danced and spun through the air while her dearest and closest specialpony, the Lord of Chaos, Discord, lay lazily on her couch, one claw silently directing their tea set as it played the aforementioned music on tiny instruments. Angel the bunny drifted similarly through the air, perfecting his backstroke as he went.
It was a typical evening for Fluttershy and Discord. A little bit of fun and spontaneity before dinner, whose timer suddenly rang. “Oh! Soup’s ready,” said Fluttershy.
“Is it Pumpkin?” Discord asked hopefully. “You know how much I love your pumpkin soup!”
“Of course, Discord,” she smiled, “and I even got a little gravy to put on the side, like you like it.”
Discord drifted up towards her, ignoring gravity. “You know, I could have just snapped my fingers and made something for us?”
“I know, but then I wouldn’t get to make YOU something. I’ll be right back!”
The Lord of Chaos watched his favorite, special pony fly into the kitchen, and then turned back to the ‘musicians’.
“Alright, great set boys. Take ten,” he said, snapping his fingers to vanish them away to a dimension of break rooms and cheap catering. At least, he thought so. If they ended up in one of the puppet-dimensions he wasn’t going to be too broken up about it.
Discord settled back down, and with a snap he froze Fluttershy’s favorite chair in the air so she could sit while they ate. Yes, it was looking like a nice, slow evening in this house tonight.
And that was when the door knocked. Discord gave it a glance with his yellow eyes.
“Probably nothing,” he said to himself.
“Is somepony at the door?” called Fluttershy.
“Nothing darling! Just a… just a bird or something!”
Her voice came back with a hint of worry, “Oh! Well let it in then!”
“Oh figs, that’s right,” Discord muttered, “she LIKES animals. How did I forget that?”
So, the Lord of Chaos drifted over to the door with the sort of grumble one would expect from a thundercloud or a boiling pot. He reached out for the doorhandle, and missed. He reached out a second time, and missed again. Finally, after a light slap to his forehead and a wry grin, he snapped his fingers.
The door ceased spinning, though the rest of the tree continued in its gyre.
Discord opened the door and glanced outside. It was growing very dark now. He looked to the sides and up into the sky. He then turned his eyes earthward, which was difficult as the house was still spinning. Down there, near the mailbox he saw…
Was that a cannon?
A loud BANG and a wave of confetti splashed Discord’s face as a rubbery cannonball launched through the door at terrible speed. Discord himself had to teleport his torso away to avoid getting struck. The cannonball bounced and sprung about the living room like it would never stop.
But stop it would, as the Lord of Chaos snapped his fingers once again, freezing the projectile in mid-air, revealing it to be a cloaked pony, wrapped in traveling gear and the sort of robes you’d find on a Saddle Arabian traveler. This interloper was caked in mud and dust from the road, even on their goggles and mask which hid their identity.
Discord snarled, “Well, this is interesting. And unfortunate for you!”
Giant, chattering teeth formed in the air around Discord, as did disembodied hands holding saws, and a very large, very menacing version of Angel.
“I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for trouble, I can tell you I don't have bits, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for ponies like you. If you leave right now, that'll be the end of it. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will- “
“Actually,” the intruder chirped in as cheery a voice as Discord thought possible, “I just wanted to ask you and Fluttershy about some things.”
A moment of surprise froze on Discord’s face. As he scrunched up his snout and squinted, he snapped his fingers once more. The teeth, saws, and Angel disappeared. The whole house stopped spinning at once and slammed itself back down to the earth. The traveling cloak and clothes vanished in a white flash, revealing the intruder’s identity, as though Discord hadn’t already figured that out.
“Pinkie!? What in Celestia are you doing here?”
Fluttershy drifted in just then, a meek smile on face, “Um, dinner might be delayed a bit. It seems the kitchen just stopped- Pinkie?”
“Hi Fluttershy!”
“But what are you doing here? You took off from the school in such a hurry earlier.”
Pinkie giggled, “I came by to ask you about some stuff. I figured you’d have some idea of what I can do.”
Fluttershy landed and said, “Oh my. Well, I hope I can help. What did you want to ask me about?”
“Well, I… hey, Discord?” she spun a little in the air, settling for an upside-down look over her shoulder at the Draconequus, “Could you…?”
Discord sighed in exasperation, “Fine!” Another snap, and they were all sitting down, a hot cup of pumpkin soup poured for each of them.
“At least I get my soup,” he said, leaning back in his seat.
The three took a few sips, and it seemed as though Pinkie was ready to begin.
“So, you know about Cheese and me?”
“Who hasn’t at this point?” Discord said, then continued with a touch of the dramatic as he slowly wound his way around his chair, “He confessed his love for you! He wants you to marry him and move away from Ponyville because he’s a free spirit, a Pony of the Road! But you can’t leave here because it would mean leaving behind your whole life and everypony you’ve ever loved outside of him. Either choice means one of you giving up what makes them happy for the other.”
Both of the ponies stared in silence.
“Oh what? Just because I’m the Lord of Chaos,” his voice added treble at his title, “doesn’t mean I don’t listen to all the hot gossip in town! Besides, no one likes listening to the same exposition too many times. Best we get it out of the way now.”
Fluttershy bunched her eyebrows, “Huh?”
“No, he’s right,” said Pinkie matter-of-factedly, “that’s about it.”
“Oh, so that’s what you were talking with Maud and Starlight about earlier?”
“Right,” Pinkie said, “and then I decided I needed to talk with all the odd couples I’ve met during the series… of events that is our lives,” she added hastily.
Fluttershy sipped her soup, “So who have you talked to?”
“Oh, everypony!” Pinkie began pointing as she spoke, “First I went to talk to Cranky and Matilda, and they said that I should go with Cheese before I end up missing potential years of happiness like they did! Then, I went to Derpy and Bulk, but they thought Cheese should stay here with me. So, THEN I went to the Crystal Empire, but since Cadence and Shining Armor are like, the perfect couple they didn’t have any sort of experience with this sort of thing.”
“You were only gone a few hours,” said Fluttershy.
Pinkie didn’t lose a step, “So, I came back to Ponyville to ask around. I ended up not going to Starlight since I didn’t know whether I needed to also talk to Trixie or Sunburst at the same time, which I should really ask about sometime, so instead I took a quick side trip over to Big Mac and Sugar Belle, but then we got distracted talking about the Apple Family Reunion catering, so now I also have to get that order in and start working before- “
Discord, who by this point was calmly listening to Pinkie’s story while dipping a lacy doily into his soup and chomping down on it like a cracker, said to himself, “I really admire how you’re doing that without breathing, but this is getting a little out of hoof, even for me. Where did the outfit come from?”
Pinkie paused, “Oh, I stopped by Rarity’s to pick up my costume for Nightmare Night.”
“But that’s a year away!”
“But if I go with Cheese, then I won’t be around for Nightmare Night here, and what if they don’t celebrate it wherever we are? How can I get my costume then!?”
Pinkie slumped into her seat, her mane flattening again as sadness began to pull her down.
Fluttershy, still calm and collected, took a long sip from her soup. Then, she took one of Pinkie’s hooves in hers. “Pinkie, it sounds like you want to ask us something.”
Pinkie turned her teary eyes towards her friend, “How do you guys do it?”
“Do what?”
“This long-distance relationship thing! This ‘we’re-so-different-and-quirky’ thing!”
“Long-distance?” said Discord.
“Well, yeah! You live all the way in Chaosville or something still, right?”
“Technically,” the Lord of Chaos said, floating over the table, “but I basically live here more than there, and even then!” He snapped his fingers, and a flash overtook the room.
Somewhere in the shimmering, shiny halls wrought of gem and crystals that was the Crystal Palace, a young filly was stuck staring into the corner of her room. A magenta alicorn princess with a curly mane of purple and blue, Princess Flurry Heart grumbled as she stood there under her mother’s orders.
“Not my fault,” she pouted, “stupid diplomatic dinner. Stupid dragon ambassador not taking a joke.”
The air stirred. Odd, since the windows on this level were closed… and barred since Flurry’s last misadventure. There was also an odd white light that-
Flurry spun around. She’d seen this before.
Her bedroom now sported a draconequus and two ponies sitting on a couch and two chairs with a living room table set between them. She recognized one as Discord (Shining Armor drilled her on important VIPs), the yellow Pegasus as Fluttershy, and the pink pony as none other than her favorite foalsitter.
“PINKIE!” she cried happily. “What’s going on? Is there trouble ahoof? Did you need the awesome power of-? “
Discord snapped his fingers again. Flurry knew what that meant.
“Waitwaitwait takemewithyou!”
And with a flash of white light, they were gone again.
“Ah RATS!”
The door knocked. “Flurry Heart? Little miss, if your face isn’t in that corner, your father is going to have some words!”
Flurry Heart grumbled, and turned back to the corner. “I’ll show you some words.”
“WHAT WAS THAT?”
“NOTHING!”
“Long distances were never a problem,” Discord finished as they rematerialized back in Fluttershy’s house. Fluttershy set down her soup and held her head for a few moments.
Pinkie, however, just sighed. “I guess you’re right. Though, you wouldn’t happen to know how to teach ME to do that?”
“Trade secret, I’m afraid.”
Fluttershy, recovered, said, “Pinkie, it sounds like you’ve gone around and talked to everypony about what to do except for one.”
Pinkie turned and gave Fluttershy a surprised look, “What? Who? Did I forget Mudbriar and Maud? I mean, I guess I could have gone to Twilight and Flash Sentry, but I didn’t think they were even dating yet- “
“Pinkie.”
“Sorry.”
Fluttershy smiled gently. “Did you talk to Cheese about it?”
Pinkie opened her mouth to answer, then shut it. She looked about for a moment, then lowered her head.
“No.”
“Then, maybe you ought to?”
“But what if it doesn’t work out!? What if he goes away forever!?” she cried, tears bubbling up in her eyes.
Discord snorted, “Well, that’s going to happen anyway if you DON’T talk it out with him. So, it seems you’ve got a choice to make. Try and fail, or don’t try and fail anyway.”
Fluttershy gave him a look that gave the draconequus pause. “I wouldn’t have put it that way, but he’s not wrong, Pinkie. Talk with Cheese.”
Pinkie sniffed and said, “I know. You’re right. But I don’t know where he- “
Discord snapped his fingers, and Pinkie vanished in a puff of white light.
“Discord!”
“What? I just skipped the boring part and sent her to meet him!”
Fluttershy sighed, shook her head, and gave him a little smile. “Well, you’re helping at least. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Oh, where did the musical tea set go?”
“They’ll be back in five,” Discord said, growing an extra finger on his right paw to show her, “if I call them back early, I’ll have to deal with the Union, and nopony wants THAT!”
Pinkie appeared on a hilltop overlooking Ponyville. The full moon poured silver light down on the world, a sight that Pinkie would normally take in and enjoy. But she was on a mission. She had to find Cheese, and fast! She could almost hear his voice as she found her hooves… in fact, she could hear his accordion too.
Looking over, only a few feet away, Cheese Sandwich stood singing the final, mournful note of what appeared to be a beautiful, soul-wrenching love song. Pinkie nearly melted right then and there as she let the stallion she loved finish.
“That, was, AWESOME!” she cried once the final echo died.
“Pinkie!” Cheese turned around in shock and surprise, but even taken completely off-guard, his joy at seeing her was clear as day, ironically.
“What song was that?”
Cheese tossed his instrument aside, “Oh, it was just another song I changed the lyrics to. What are you doing here?”
Pinkie approached Cheese. “I’d explain it all, but Discord said no pony likes too much exposition, so let’s just say I’ve done a lot of thinking and talking to ponies about our… problem.”
Cheese had as serious a face now as he could normally muster. “I see. Right. I’ve been thinking too, and talking with a few ponies and othercreatures who’d listen.”
“Oh? Who’d YOU talk to?”
“Well,” Cheese began to point as he talked, “First I talked to your friends Trixie and Starlight- “
“Oh, confirmed I guess.”
“But they seemed a little embarrassed to talk about this stuff, so I went and talked to Spike, and then up to the Crystal Empire to ask Flash Sentry- “
“You know him?”
Cheese laughed, “I threw his cousin’s cutesinera. Anyway, then I talked with Rainbow Dash, and… well, anyway. I talked with everypony I could think of.”
Pinkie smiled, “Huh, we do get around pretty quickly.”
Cheese let out a long breath. “And, while I was running around like a headless rubber chicken, I realized that all I was thinking about was coming back to Ponyville… to see you. Just to be with you again.”
“Cheese,” Pinkie started, though Cheese kept speaking.
“Pinkie, if it’s a choice between traveling the world and being with you, I’d choose you, every time. It’s not even a contest. I’ll stay.”
Pinkie was speechless. The shock must have been evident in her eyes, since Cheese took the opportunity to reach out and lightly close her dropped jaw.
“What!?” she suddenly cried.
“Yup,” Cheese said in his best Big Mac voice, “I’m staying!”
“No!” Pinkie leaned in close, nose to nose, “I came here to tell you that I was going to go traveling with you!”
“Wha- Really?”
“Yeah! Really!”
Cheese smiled, as broad a smile as his face could fit, but only for a moment.
“Pinkie, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
She snorted, “Well you don’t have to! I want to!”
Cheese frowned. “No, you don’t.”
“No,” she admitted, “I don’t. But… but I love you Cheese Sandwich! And if that means that I have to give up one thing I love for another, then I’m willing to do just that!”
“But Pinkie, if you do that, you’ll just end up resenting the fact that I made you give that up!”
“And that wasn’t what you were trying to do?”
A voice came up the hill from Ponyville, “Hey, quiet out there! Someponies are trying to sleep!”
“PIPE DOWN BEFORE I GET MY CANNON!” Pinkie blasted back in a remarkable impression of the old Royal Canterlot voice. “I’M TALKING TO MY LOVE INTEREST HERE! DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE MINUETTE!!!”
A far quieter voice came back, “okay, sorry.”
The two ponies sat there atop the hill. Only the light breeze broke the otherwise utter silence. Neither would look at the other, preferring to stare at their hooves or at the flowers that bloomed up here.
Finally, with her eyes suddenly snapping open, Pinkie said, “You know what? I’m sick of this.”
Cheese closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” she said, a touch angry, “Don’t be sorry! I’m not sick of you. I could never be! I’m just sick of this idea that one of us has to be miserable to be together!”
“But we want completely opposite things!” Cheese said.
“Do we?” Pinkie took his hoof in hers. “We love each other! We want to be together! Why did we have to complicate things? We were both Twilighting so hard!”
“Your friend is a verb?”
Pinkie reached up and gave Cheese a kiss. “Cheese, you need the road. You need to go out there and see the joy you give to others! And I need to stay here, and help the ponies I love here to feel that same joy all year round.”
Cheese couldn’t break his eyes off from Pinkie’s, “So what do we do?”
“Go,” she said.
“Oh,” his heart began to break.
“No,” Pinkie said.
“No?” said Cheese.
“Go traveling!” she said, “But then you come back to me. You come back HOME! Because while you need to travel, our home will be here!”
Tears welled up in Cheese’s eyes, and he reached out to take Pinkie up in his embrace. “Pinkie, wherever you are, that’s my home.”
They held onto each other for what seemed like only a few drawn out moments. But as the sun began to rise, they broke off just enough to look once more into each other’s eyes. Cheese rested his head atop Pinkie’s mane, and she nestled into his hug.
“You know,” he said, “our kids will HATE us.”
“Oh yeah,” she agreed with a smile, “they’ll have the frizziest manes in all of Equestria! But that’s why I’ll be here; to teach them all about how much they’ll be loved by me and you.”
“You getting hungry?”
“Constantly!” Pinkie laughed, “Let’s cook up some breakfast cupcakes before I have to open up the shop!”
Cheese put one foreleg on her shoulder as they walked back to town. “Can they be Cheese-cupcakes?”
Pinkie smiled, “Sounds good!”
Author's Note
First MLP fanfiction I've written. Wrote it in about a day. I hope it puts a smile on someone's face when they read it. Otherwise, please let me know what people think.
