The Fastest-Paced Story Ever Told
In a clearing in the forest, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Twilight were sitting around a campfire, where Scootaloo was telling the others a story.
"So then, he turned around the corner...and then a skeleton popped out! The end! So, what'd you think?"
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Twilight all stared at Scootaloo blankly.
"Umm...it certainly...had an ending," Sweetie Belle said.
"What do ya mean by that, Sweetie Belle?" Apple Bloom asked accusingly.
"Apple Bloom, your story didn't even have an ending. It was the storytelling equivalent of going out for a little stroll and suddenly falling off a cliff." At this, Scootaloo began to laugh uncontrollably.
"I'd say that all of you need to work on your storytelling skills a bit," Twilight said. "Still, this was pretty fun!"
"Why don't you tell us a story, Twilight?" Apple Bloom asked.
"Me?" Twilight gestured towards herself. "I don't know..."
"Pleeeease?" the Crusaders pleaded simultaneously with their puppy-dog eyes.
"Well, okay then," Twilight conceded. "I actually think I have a pretty good story in mind."
"Really?" the Crusaders said in unison as their ears perked up.
"Oh yeah!" Twilight said. "It's going to be a long one though, because this is a pretty epic adventure, filled with lots of action and adventure, and many interesting characters. I think you'll enjoy it."
"But we're tired!" Scootaloo complained.
"We just don't have the time for some long epic!" Apple Bloom added.
"Oh, that's okay," Twilight said. "I can just tell it tomo-"
"Can you just tell us the story in ten minutes?" Scootaloo asked. "Because I'm pretty sure that's about how long we can stay up for."
"But, that's not how epics wo-"
"Please, Twilight?" the Crusaders utilized the same puppy-dog eye strategy as before, to great effect.
Twilight sighed. "Very well. I'll try to compress the story as much as I can. Be warned, though, that the results may be very messy."
Protagon was a normal unicorn living happily until scoundrels burned her house down. She went to her friend Kickside.
"My house burned down!"
"Oh no! Quickly, we must go find the Necklace of Anti-Fire to fix it!"
They left, but were stopped by a pony in a top hat.
"Hello, I'm Schemington, and I'm here to strangulate you."
Kickside kicked his flank, and they moved on.
"I'll be back!"
They reached the MacGuffin Cave, and inside they found somepony with a roll of parchment guarding a bridge.
"To cross, you must answer these riddles!"
Kickside shoved the parchment in his mouth and moved on. Next, they found a dragon guarding a chasm.
"To cross, you must defeat me!"
Protagon defeated him in chess and moved on. At the cave's end, the Necklace of Anti-Fire stood on a pedestal. A pegasus stole it.
"Muahahahaha!"
"Who are you?!
"I am Tyrannis, Schemington's number two!"
Tyrannis dashed away. Protagon and Kickside gave chase, but Tyrannis was too swift, and he got away.
Tyrannis soared to Schemington's evil castle.
"I got the necklace."
"Excellent! With this, I shall have unlimited power!"
Suddenly, a peasant army besieged the castle.
"Oh dear. Tyrannis, deal with this."
Tyrannis dealt with the peasants.
"Excellent! Now deal with Protagon and Kickside!"
"Yes, master."
"Muahahahaha!"
Protagon and Kickside ran to Abyssinia and spoke with its queen.
"Please help us defeat Schemington!"
"No."
"Please?"
"Okay."
Suddenly, Tyrannis burst through a window.
"Hello!"
"Guards! Subdue him!"
Tyrannis kicked all the guards unconscious.
"Protagon, I will kill you!"
"No, you won't!"
Suddenly, the ceiling collapsed onto Tyrannis. Protagon, Kickside, and the queen gasped.
"Protagon, you are the chosen one!"
"I am?"
"Yes. Go, defeat Schemington for the good of the world!"
"But what about the help you promised...?"
"Go!"
Protagon and Kickside left the palace.
Soon afterwards, they arrived at the wizard Comet Streak's house.
"Am I the chosen one?"
"Yes. It was prophesied 200,000 years ago that you would save the world from a pony in a top hat."
"What about me?"
"Doesn't say anything about you."
"Aww..."
"If you go and defeat Schemington right now, you will defeat him."
"I guess we should go then."
"Go! Save the world! And get me a cup of coffee!"
Tyrannis limped back to Schemington's castle.
"Where have you been?! I told you to kill those two ponies!"
"I got a ceiling dropped on me, master."
"That's no excuse! Go and kill them now! And get me a cup of coffee!"
"Yes, master."
Protagon and Kickside sat in a Manehattan café drinking coffee.
"Are you sure Schemington's here?"
"Where else would he be?"
Suddenly, Tyrannis arrived, knocking over three skyscrapers, and landed next to them.
"Hi! Time to die!"
"You will not kill us."
"Huh?"
"You are not evil. You are a good guy. You will help us defeat Schemington."
"Yes! I am a good guy. I will lead you to Schemington and help you defeat him!"
"Lead the way."
Protagon and Kickside began to follow Tyrannis.
"That easy, huh?"
"It works well on the weak-minded."
The gang walked along a road until they were stopped by a group of birds in a ship on wheels.
"Yarr har har! We be land pirates!"
"...Bandits, you mean?"
"Narr! Did I stutter? We be land pirates!"
The pirates shot Tyrannis with a tranquilizer dart and subdued Protagon and Kickside, taking them aboard.
"We'll be gettin' a lot of booty from Schemington for ye three! Yarr har har!"
"Actually, you're going to drive into a ravine."
"Yarr, I find that highly improbable."
Ten minutes passed, and the ship didn't fall into a ravine.
"...Darn it!"
Soon enough, the ship arrived at Schemington's castle.
"Yarr! We be here, laddies!"
Unfortunately for the pirates, Tyrannis woke up and kicked their tails. The three walked up to the castle gates and knocked politely.
"Who is it?"
"Pizza delivery for Lord Schemington?"
"I didn't order any pizza!"
"Let us in or we'll pound your face in!"
"Well that doesn't give me an incentive.
"Look, master, they're with me."
"Ah, I had a feeling you'd betray me, Tyrannis, and have prepared accordingly."
Suddenly, Tyrannis vanished.
"Muahahahaha!"
"Oh no!"
"That does it!"
With repeated efforts, Kickside eventually managed to kick down the gates, and she and Protagon entered.
After thirty minutes of searching, Protagon and Kickside found Schemington in the castle courtyard next to a wolf and with a necklace dangling from his neck.
"Welcome...to your doom!"
Schemington rubbed his necklace and it began to glow as the wolf grew to the size of two houses.
"Fenris, disembowel them!"
Kickside flew up to Fenris and kicked him in the snout. In response, Fenris knocked her into a wall.
"Oh no!"
Next, Fenris leaped over to Protagon, preparing to swallow her whole.
"Oh no!"
Suddenly, Tyrannis arrived and kicked its butt ex machina style.
"What? How?"
"You can't keep me down, man!"
"Oh yes I can!"
Schemington's necklace began to glow again, and he began to float with a golden aura around him.
"Muahahahaha! Now witness my true power!"
He fired a laser at Tyrannis, keeping him down.
"Aw nuts!"
Kickside tried to kick Schemington in the face, but she suddenly stopped still just two inches from his muzzle, then was launched back into the wall.
"It's over! I've won!"
"No you haven't."
A pillar of dirt rose to smack Schemington from below. With a burst of energy, Schemington disintegrated the pillar and blew Protagon on her back.
"You were saying?"
"The Necklace's power is too much for you. You're going to blow up!"
"No I'm not."
Schemington suddenly began to glow very brightly, then blew up spectacularly.
"Well what do you know? I blew up."
Protagon took the necklace from Schemington and put it around her own neck.
"You did it, Protagon! You saved the world!"
"No, we did."
"Wanna go home?"
"Sure."
Protagon's house was still smoldering when she arrived. Protagon used the Necklace to un-burn down her house, and all was well.
"So, what'd you think, girls?" Twilight asked.
"Well...that certainly was fast," Scootaloo said.
Twilight yawned. "Wow, I'm tired. How about we all get some sleep?"
"Okay! Good night Twilight!" the Crusaders all said.
"Good night, girls!" Twilight said back.
Author's Note
So now we know how much story can be crammed into 1,000 words (yes, that whole story-within-a-story was exactly 1,000 words), which is quite a bit. Whew!