Pinkie hummed a carefree tune, hopping along the path to Twilight’s castle. A random onlooker might have wondered how she could skip so effortlessly, being laden with bags of muffins, cupcakes, tubs of ice cream and to top it all off a whole layer cake balanced on her back, but they didn’t get it! How could she let anything weigh her down at such an occasion?!
“Hiya, Toasty!” Pinkie shouted as a new figure joined her path. This pony, technically not a pony at all but she’d be mad if that was pointed out and she was as good as a pony anyway, was actually a robot. A little short, she had a long artificial mane the color of seaweed and was covered in sleek, white, swoozy plates. She too was heavily laden with cooking supplies, toast, oranges and other various yummy things.
“Good morning, Pinkie Pie.” The robot greeted, as two glowing green dots behind her visor turned into happy half-circles. “You are also contributing to the event?”
“If by event you mean our Discord-accidentally-summoned-Twilight’s-huge-earthpony-daughter-from-the-far-future-and-her-robot-marefriend, then yes!” Pinkie grinned. A moment later, her lungs reminded her of their existence and she gasped for air.
Toasty’s eyelights briefly shrunk to tiny dots. “That is an accurate and convenient summary. Impressive too, in your achievement to say all that without taking a breath in between.”
“I envy you robots.” Pinkie pouted. “You could talk forever without having to breathe.”
“I believe the world is thankful that you are the way you are.” Toasty chuckled. “But I must ask, Pinkie, you do know we are having a breakfast party, right?”
“Duh.” the pink mare stuck out an even pinker tongue as she pointed at the layer cake on her back. “That’s why I brought this.”
“Unacceptable.” Toasty stated, drawing a long gasp from her opponent. “Cakes do not belong at breakfast.”
“They so do!”
“A cake is no dish served as breakfast, the only acceptable variant would be pancakes!”
“YOU CANNOT PAN THIS PIE’S CAKE, TOASTY!” Pinkie screeched.
“You shall not defile our breakfast with this dish, Pinkie Pie.” Toasty declared, before her eyelights shrunk to tiny dots and she took a combat stance. “So try me.”
“Ohohohooo,” Pinkie chuckled as she slowly raised her hoof to her mane. “So that’s how it’s gonna be, Toastbot? SMOKEBOMB!” she screamed as she threw a small sack to the ground, flour exploding all over the area. Grinning, she attempted to run past the robot, but only a second later, she saw the green hue of her visor, just before the robots tackled her. Launched by the assault, her cake sailed through the air, before miraculously skitting over the ground on it’s tablet, unharmed.”You- YOU CULINARY MONSTER!” Pinkie roared as she bucked the robot off of herself. Thankfully, Toasty was built lightly, and not for strength. “YOU’RE GONNA EAT MY PIE AND YOU’LL LIKE IT!”
“I DO NOT HAVE A MOUTH!” Toasty shot back. “OTHERWISE, I WOULD LIKELY ENJOY YOUR PIE.”
“THEN EAT THIS!” Pinkie screeched, her whirling hooves throwing her creamiest of cupcakes at the robot like a machine gun.
“You have no hope of damaging me with confectionaries!” Toasty said, calmly stepping through the barrage
“Maybe not,” Pinkie smirked. “But throw enough frosting at something, and some of it is going to stick.”
Toasty’s eyelights grew in alarm as she glanced down at her joints, which were slowly being filled up with sticky sugar, especially those devious jellybean cupcakes! “Well played.” Toasty hissed, producing a large frying pan out of her bag with which she blocked the assaulting cupcakes. “But it will take more than sweet nothings to get this robot out of the kitchen.”
“That-” Pinkie frowned, momentarily stopping her attacks. “That feels like a metaphor for something-”
CLONK! Toasty’s pan impacted on her skull like the clapper on a bell.
“THAT’S WHAT I CALL A PANNING SHOT!” Toasty laughed and ran to retrieve her tool as Pinkie shook her aching head.
“THAAAT’S IT!” The pink pony bellowed, stomping her hooves on the ground as she drew a weapon mighty enough to combat Toasty’s frying pan. Her cooking ladle, inscribed by Granny Smith herself for the six times she’d won at Ponyville’s baking competition. Toasty’s eyes widened as she witnessed Pinkie’s charge, and she could only just bring up her pan to avoid a wrathful strike to her visor.
With a grunt, Toasty pushed the larger pony to a distance where they could both circle another, ladle and pan swishing through the air as both tried to find a weak spot in the other’s defense.
“You cannot hope to defeat me.” Toasty hissed. “I was trained by my marefriend, and nopony is better at administering blunt force trauma.”
“And I’m an honorary yak.” Pinkie countered. “PINKIE SMASH!”
Toasty backed away from the weaponized cooking tool, keeping on the defense as the ladle struck against her beloved pan again and again. If this kept going, then it could get some serious scratches! With a mighty roar, Toasty blocked Pinkie’s weapon once more, before surging forward, headbutting the pink ponies noggin with all the force she could muster, counting on her metal chassis to win the exchange.
Oh, how wrong she was. As her processor was shaken, trying to correct all the minor errors that had popped up due to the maneuver, Pinkie Pie only stood there, grinning as if it hadn’t even hurt!
“Ya shouldn’t have tried that.” she proclaimed proudly. “Even Applejack says I got the thickest head of all the ponies in Equestria!”
“THAT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT, YOU DIM-WITTED BREAKFAST DEFILER!” Toasty retorted, holding her head.
But Pinkie wouldn’t give her a chance to recover. The pink pony launched herself at the robot, pinning her down with all four legs as she glared down at her. “Yield.”
Toasty’s look matched that of her enemy, but all the anger in the world couldn't overcome the fact that she was pinned and unable to overcome this combination of her disadvantageous position and the weight of the pony above her. All those sweets had indeed gone somewhere, it seemed. “Release me.”
“Nuh-uh!” Pinkie smirked. “Only if you Pinkie Promise to not interfere in what I bring to our breakfast party cause I won!”
“Did you?” Suddenly, Toasty’s eyelights grew to the size of oreo-cookies as she laughed. “Look at your precious cake and tell me you won!”
“My-” Pinkie muttered in confusion, before turning her gaze to her cake. Her flour-covered cake. “NOOOOOOO!” The scream broke out of her throat like an agonized lament to the heavens as she ran to her ruined creation. “MY CAKE, MY BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL CAKE!”
“So, it seems like I won after all.” Toasty gloated over the weeping pony. “And you even did it yourself in your first move!”
“Toasty!” Pinkie turned around, her eyes reddened as she glared at the robot, sniffling. “Shut up!”
For a moment, the robots eyelights winked out, before reappearing as tiny, glowing dots. “I- I am sorry. I did not really mean for your cake to be ruined. It just does not fit the time of day, you know? Breakfast food is dear to me, it needs to be filling, yet not clog up your stomach heavily, like your cake would. It is more of an afternoon dish.”
“But… but-” Pinkie muttered, drawing her hoof through the cake frosting. “Everypony loves cake.”
“I am sure they do.” Toasty nodded. “But there is a time and place for it. Some ponies enjoy sleeping, yet not in the daylight. Usually.”
“I… I think I get it.” Pinkie muttered, then glanced at her baked goods which littered their battlefield. “And I suppose my food is all wasted anyway.”
“I will cut you a deal: I will be in charge of the breakfast. Later, I rescind authority over the kitchen to you as we cook for the afternoon?”
“Well…” Pinkie muttered, then picked up a large glob of cake cream and licked it off her hoof, her expression twisting back into her trademark Pinkie grin. “You have a deal!”
“Thank you.” the robot nodded. “You know, I have hoped for this outcome all along. Although we did not get there by any path I anticipated, in the end one could say it went. Just-”
Immediately, Pinkie’s grin fell as a horrible suspicion grew in her mind.
“As.”
“No…” Pinkie whispered.
“PANNED!” Toasty exclaimed, bobbing her head in a jolly motion.
“Stop it, Toasty…” Pinkie groaned.
Author's Note
seriously.... stop it