The Tale of Twilight Sparkle and the Giant Woody

by King of Madness

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 5123

Twilight Sparkle must face off against her mightiest foe yet: an insane giant cowboy doll.

Twilight Sparkle was really hoping for a normal day without any kind of deadly threats. Then a 100-foot-tall, seemingly emotionless human cowboy doll claiming to be from a famous animated movie shows up, attacking the town and demanding taxes. Which isn’t normal.

Warning: This story contains nonsense. Also, it takes place between Season 7 and Season 8.

Cover art by my best friend who also pre-read it.

Inspired by a gmod role play by Mr. Gibbs and Brock.

Published 2019-08-14 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-08-14 22:20:01 UTC

Twilight vs. Woody

It was a day like any other, except it wasn’t. Twilight Sparkle groaned as sunlight hit her closed eyes, forcing her awake. Despite her grogginess, the young Alicorn forced herself to roll off the bed, using her magic to get the blanket off her, and set herself up on wobbly legs. I really need to stop spending the night studying. She thought to herself. It had seemed like a good idea to read through some of her old collections until she tired and fell asleep, but everytime she did, she got invested and would spend nearly the entire night digging herself deeper in it. She stretched out her body, legs, and wings, causing a gross yet satisfying symphony of pops.

It was then that Twilight took notice of what sounded like screaming along with the faint sound of what could be described as thuds. Twilight sighed. Please, let it not be another giant monster. It’s too early for this. She grumbled in her head as she popped her neck.

As if to answer her question, a familiar scream sounded from somewhere only a few blocks from the castle. And it got closer. And closer. And closer until a certain rainbow-maned pegasus came careening through her bedroom window and slammed through the doors before colliding with the opposite wall.

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight yelled as she rushed over to her injured friend.

Rainbow sat limpy against the wall, little birds tweeting around her head until a conveniently placed flower pot crashed atop her head, scaring the birds off and making Rainbow go cross-eyed.

At least, it wasn’t me this time. Twilight couldn’t help but think to herself. She shushed herself and took Rainbow’s hooves in her own. “Rainbow, what happened?! Are you okay?!”

“Where’s the leak, ma’am?” Rainbow spluttered out, clearly not in the same world as Twilight at the moment.

“Hey, Twilight,”

Twilight looked over and saw her assistant, Spike, approaching them.

The young dragon looked over the injured pegasus slouched against the wall. “Woah, what happened to Rainbow Dash?”

“That’s what I’m gonna find out.” Twilight said with a determined look. “Get Rainbow bandaged up.” She told Spike before teleporting to the front of the castle. Immediately, she found the culprit.

Twilight had seen many creatures in her life and had faced many dangers. She had seen evil. She had seen horror. She had even seen the unholy maggots that which would feast in the dark recesses of the pony soul (Though granted, they got better after getting their cutie marks). Having faced all this, she was confident that she could take on whatever had made the mistake of attacking her town. She felt she was ready for anything.

But she was not ready for this.

“What the…” Twilight stared slack jawed at the 100-foot-tall human cowboy doll standing in the middle of town square.

“HELLO!” The giant called out in a low booming voice. “IT IS I, LARGE WOODY; A GIANT VERSION OF THE MAIN PROTAGONIST OF PIXAR’S HIT FILM, TOY STORY. I AM HERE TO REMIND YOU, IN A VIOLENT FASHION, TO PAY THOSE TAXES!”

“Wh-What-? Pixar? Toy Story? Taxes? WHAT?!” Twilight sputtered out.

“DON’T EVADE THOSE TAXES!” He called out again as he effortlessly picked up a familiar mobile home with a familiar unicorn inside and chucked it.

“Trixie is not okay with thIIIIIIS!”

Twilight gaped as Trixie’s home (and Trixie) crashed into Applejack’s barn.

Meanwhile, said farmer watched as her barn crumbled to the ground and facehoofed. “How many times are we gonna have’ta fix this dang barn?”

Back at town square, a voice called out to the giant. “Hey, you can’t just throw my friend around like that!” It was Starlight Glimmer.

Giant Woody looked down at the unicorn with an unreadable expression (perhaps because his face literally doesn’t change). “Pardon?”

“Pardon this!” With that, Starlight fired a large blast of magic at him. The results were not what Starlight expected.

“That did not hurt at all.” Giant Woody said nonchalantly. “Also, you look and smell like a Mary Sue.”

“Huh?” Starlight smelled her armpit and looked back up just in time to see a giant foot approaching her before being flattened.

“Hey!” Twilight snapped out of her shock and flew over to the giant cowboy doll. “What do you think you’re doing?!” She angrily asked as she positioned herself in front of his face.

“I promise, I’m usually a pretty level-headed guy.” Giant Woody answered.

Ignoring the indecisive answered, Twilight continued. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Destroying my town and hurting my friends!” Twilight yelled angrily.

“Oh, I’m not here to destroy your town. I just want your taxes.”

Twilight stared at the giant doll dumbfounded. “What?”

“I was sent here by… Obamasamatrumper to remind you all about your physical duties as American citizens.”

“American? This is Equestria.”

“Oh… I was sent here by Obamasamatrumper to remind you all about your physical duties as Equestrian citizens.” With that, he stepped away and gave a swift kick to a nearby pony, knocking her into a crowd of other ponies and knocking them all around like bowling pins. “STRIKE!”

“No, Woody, stop!” Twilight yelled.

“Uncle Sam has one heck of a Woody, let me tell you.” Giant Woody mused to no one in particular as he made his way through town.

Twilight facehoofed. “Yeah, I’m really feeling that right now because you’re screwing up my town!”

Giant Woody stopped and turned to face her. “...Are you upset with me?”

“Yeah, I am.” She deadpanned.

Giant Woody looked away from the alicorn. “My mother always said I‘d never go anywhere…” He said in a sad tone.

Suddenly feeling a bit sorry for the strange intruder and seeing a chance to redeem him, Twilight changed her tone as she re-approached him. “Oh, no, no; it’s okay.” She started.

He returned his gaze to her. “So, you’re saying I can continue to destroy the town and possibly murder these innocent ponies?”

“What?!” Twilight blurted out.

“OF COURSE!” Giant Woody made his way past Twilight back to town square, once again crushing a just recovering Starlight.

“No, no, NO!” Twilight yelled after him. “I didn’t mean-ugh, you made it seem like you weren’t meaning to kill anypony!”

Giant Woody stopped and once again turned around to face Twilight, crushing Starlight a third time in the process. “Anypony? Oh no, this isn’t a race thing. I am actually quite fond of horses. I am simply raising awareness for tax evasion.”

Twilight stared at the giant cowboy doll for a moment, completely dumbstruck. “...That’s it.” She lit up her horn and a magic aura surrounded Giant Woody. She would levitate him away and bring him to some place where she would either convince him to stop or, failing that, imprison him for a thousand years and let whoever ends up being her top student at that time deal with him.

At least, that was her plan. The first problem came from the fact that Woody stayed in place.

Realizing she wasn’t moving him, Twilight strained herself to put more power into it. Still nothing. After another moment of trying, she lowered herself to the ground, exhausted.

“Perhaps now is a good time to inform you that I am immune to all magic and physical feeling due to all these many years of debilitating self-loathing.”

Twilight rose her head to give him a bewildered yet concerned look. “Um… I’m sorry to hear that?”

Immediately after Twilight said this, a streak of rainbow came from the castle and launched itself at Giant Woody’s head. “Ready for two, bub?!” A still bandaged Rainbow Dash yelled as she closed in.

Giant Woody didn’t even have time to turn around before Rainbow Dash rushed head first at his head… and completely knocked herself silly.

Rainbow bounced off the unharmed giant toy and twirled around in mid-air before falling to the ground.

Resisting the urge to facehoof until her head caved in, Twilight quickly ran over to her noble yet stupid friend. ‘Rainbow Dash? Rainbow Dash, can you hear me?!”

“Finland…” Rainbow muttered, the birdies having returned.

“Okay, I was not responsible for that. You saw that, right?” Giant Woody pointed out.

Ignoring him, Twilight grabbed Rainbow and teleported back to the castle.

“It was very clear that that particular pony flew into me.” He continued as if Twilight were still there. “You could tell by her flight pattern and the fact that I stayed in this one spot that the blame was entirely on her. One could clearly hear her yelling at me with malicious intent as well, so even if I had indeed caused deliberate harm to her, it could be justified as self-defense.”

Meanwhile, back in the castle, Twilight appeared with Rainbow Dash at the balcony, where Spike was sitting in a folding chair facing the city with a tub of popcorn and cooler full of juice boxes beside him. “Spike, why didn’t you keep an eye on Rainbow Dash?”

Spike looked to Twilight with a defensive look. “You didn’t tell me to keep an eye on her; you told me to get her bandaged up and I did. Besides, how am I supposed to keep her from flying away?”

Twilight groaned. “Fine, whatever, just listen. I’m gonna try to teleport all the citizens into the castle. Once everypony is safe, I’ll deal with Woody.”

“Okay.” Spike said with minimal interest. “Do you want me to write a letter to Princess Celestia about this?”

Twilight was about say yes, but a sense of pride quickly overcame her. “No, I can handle this. I am a Princess and this is my town. It’s my duty to take care of it.”

Spike gave her a dry look.

“...I got this, okay!” Twilight snapped.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Okay.”

Twilight nodded. “You just focus on, uh, tying Rainbow’s wings down so she doesn’t try and fight him again.”

“...O-kay.” Spike said in a much more nervous tone.

With that, Twilight teleported away to start her mission.

Spike looked to the unconscious Rainbow Dash. Unconscious… but for how long? Spike sighed. “The things I do for love.”

-

Twilight appeared in front of Sugarcube Corner and looked over to see Giant Woody turned away from her, yelling “PAY THOSE TAXES!”. She backed away towards the sweet shop, keeping her eyes on the deranged oversized doll.

“Hi, Twilight!” Pinkie Pie greeted from behind.

Twilight let out an undignified ‘eek’ and, on reflex, bucked out her hind legs, hitting the party pony square in the chest and sending her flying backwards. Realizing what she had just done, Twilight gasped and turned to see the door opened and Pinkie in a pile of chairs and tables. “Ohmygosh, Pinkie!” She yelled before running to her pink friend.

“Ow. That really hurt.” Pinkie said in an oddly calm voice.

Twilight helped her up, feeling terribly guilty for hurting her. “I’m so sorry, Pinkie! I didn’t mean to-”

“Oh, it’s fine, Twilight.” Pinkie cut her off, her usual smile back on her face. “If I were a Princess and a giant crazy toy thingy was attacking my town, I would be pretty on edge too.” She let out a snorty laugh.

Twilight let out a small laugh as well. “Yeah, hehe, I guess so. Look, I don’t have time to stay and chat. I gotta get everypony in the castle.”

“Ooh, can I help?” Pinkie asked excitedly.

Twilight thought for a second and decided Pinkie would probably be good at figuring out where ponies would be hiding. She was unique like that. “Okay, you can help.”

“Alright!” Pinkie said with a hoofpump.

Meanwhile, Giant Woody came upon Rarity’s boutique. “YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM YOUR AMERIQUESTRIAN RESPONSIBILITIES!” He boomed out as he lifted the walls and ceiling of the boutique, leaving behind the rest of the foundation.

Rarity, who was taking a bubble bath, realized she was visible to the world and screamed as she covered herself.

“We should probably start now.” Twilight said after hearing Rarity’s shriek.

The next half hour was spent rounding up all the ponies in Ponyville and teleporting them to the castle. Meanwhile, Giant Woody continued his rampage while also continuing to make monotone rants about taxes and Ameriquestria. By the time the half hour was up, Twilight and Pinkie had somehow managed to get all the citizens of Ponyville inside the castle without that psychotic oversized children’s toy finding them.

“Is that everyone?” Twilight asked, exhausted from all the teleporting.

“Let’s see…” Pinkie proceeded to mutter the names of everyone in the castle in impossibly quick session. “Yup! All here and accounted for… Wellll, except for Starlight.”

“Starlight?” Twilight suddenly remembered her student had been squashed by Giant Woody. How had they not seen her anywhere? “I’ll go find her. Meanwhile, just-”

“Twilight!” Rainbow, still bandaged and bruised, marched over to the Princess with an angry look on her face. “Who tied my wings to my back?!” She asked, showing the rope tied around her torso, keeping her wings pinned.

“I had Spike do that.” Twilight explained bluntly. “I couldn’t have you continuing to try and fight that thing.”

“What?!”

“You heard me.”

“Why?!” Rainbow looked almost betrayed.

Twilight sighed and rubbed her head. “You can’t fight him, Rainbow.”

“How do you know?” Rainbow pressed.

“It was made pretty obvious.” Twilight was really not in the mood for Rainbow’s whining right now.

“But I-”

“Stay here. I’ll handle it.” With that, she teleported away before Rainbow could continue to argue with her.

“...Can you believe that, Pinkie?!”

“Mhm.” Pinkie responded, smile still on her face.

-

“Starlight!” Twilight called out from where she last saw her student. “Starlight, where are you?!”

“Are you looking for someone?”

Twilight groaned and turned to find Giant Woody squatting next to her. “What have you done with Starlight?”

“I’ve never heard that name in my life, but you’re in luck. It just so happens that I am searching for tax evaders. Perhaps we can team up and find our respective missing persons.”

“I don’t think so.” Twilight deadpanned as she tried to concentrate on where Starlight could be. She remembered Giant Woody stepping on her and… Wait a second. “ Woody, let me see your boot.”

“My what?”

“Your boot.”

“Oh, my boot. I thought you said ‘boob’. As you can see, I do not have any boobs. In fact, I have no true chest to speak o-”

“Just show me what’s under your boot!” Twilight yelled.

“...Okay.” Woody stood up and lifted one of his legs so that Twilight could under his foot.

Lo and behold, a very flat Starlight Glimmer was plastered on the underside of the boot.

Twilight used her magic to peel Starlight off and held her out in front of her before whipping her out like a sheet, allowing her to regain her natural form. Twilight helped her up, only for her to wobble around uncontrollably.

“Oh, would you look at that.” Giant Woody mused.

Twilight glared at him. “I’ll be right back.” She teleported herself and Starlight to the castle, laid Starlight on the ground, and teleported right back.

“That was fast. Now, if you would be so kind as to tell me where all the citizens have gone.”

Twilight rubbed her head. She hadn’t gotten much sleep, it was still early morning, her town was being attacked, several of her friends were injured, Pinkie was probably throwing a party with everyone in the castle and making a big mess, and the one responsible for everything was immune to her magic and seemed to be schizophrenic. There was not enough asprin in the world for this. “Woody… please.”

“What?”

“I need you to stop doing this.”

“But I still haven’t collected their taxes-”

“NO ONE’S EVADING THEIR BUCKING TAXES!” Twilight screamed. “So, why don’t you just march your stuffed butt back where you came from?! Because you are driving me insane right now!”

“...That is my favorite Sia song!”

With that, Twilight fell face first on the ground.

“I’m going to check that big castle now.” Giant Woody said nonchalantly as he started approaching said castle, stomping Twilight into the ground in the process.

Recovering quickly thanks to the urgency of protecting her friends as well as experience in suffering great amounts of pain, Twilight quickly pulled herself out of the pony shaped crater and took to the sky, flying past Giant Woody and landing on the balcony of the castle. Despite her ever increasing exhaustion, she summoned up what strength she had left and put a forcefield over the castle.

GIant Woody watched the barrier fall over the castle and looked up to where Twilight likely was. “I am getting the impression that you’re hiding tax evading citizens in this castle.”

“You shall not pass!” Twilight yelled out, already sweating profusely from holding the large magic barrier together despite running on fumes at this point.

“Are you certain about that? Because you seem to be struggling to maintain this forcefield.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“You know what? Maybe we can reach an agreement.” Giant Woody suddenly offered.

Twilight’s already strained face twisted in confusion. “What? No, no; I don’t think I should make deals with you.”

“Are you sure about that? Because I am totally owning your town right now. Watch.” With that, he launched a punch into the forcefield, causing it to crack. The cracks quickly spread throughout the barrier until it completely shattered.

That was about the same thing happening to Twilight’s sanity.

The young alicorn felt on her haunches and gazed off at nothing for a moment.

“I just wrecked your puny forcefield by the way.” The large doll needlessly pointed out. “Like, that was nothing. I just punched it and it shattered. Now, there’s nothing to block me from slaughtering everyone in the castle aside from this wall.”

Twilight lifted herself up and looked down at her now worst enemy. “You must feel really good about yourself.“ She coldly snarked as she glared at him.

“Yeah, I’m doing pretty good.”

Sighing in defeat, Twilight flew down and got on eye level with the doll who had decided to make her day a living hell. “Look, please don’t kill my friends. I’m here and I’m willing to cooperate.”

“Very well! Twilight Sparkle, here’s what I-”

“Wait, how do you know my name?”

“I just read your name tag.”

“What? I’m not wearing a…” She looked down at her chest and found a nametag on her left breast with her name scribbled on it. “What the- How long has that been there? W-Where did I even… Oh, buck it!” She tore the tag off and threw it down. “You were saying?”

“ANYWAY... perhaps we can reach an agreement.” Giant Woody continued. “Here’s what I propose… What do you have to offer?”

Twilight ran a hoof down her face. “What do I have to offer…” Taking note of how incredibly dimwitted and easily distracted this foe proved to be, an idea started forming in her head. “Okay, look; I’ll let you in on some cool stuff I got if you leave us all alone. Some top notch magic stuff.”

“What kind of puny, terrible magic stuff could a little talking horse such as yourself have that I would be interested in?”

“Uhhh… One second.” Knowing her headache was gonna get worse but refusing to waste time in getting rid of this guy, Twilight teleported away and teleported back a few seconds later, holding one of her copies of ‘Equestrian History’ (one she had already finished thirteen times). “This… is an ancient spell book.”

“WHAT?!”

“Yeah, it dates all the way back to before ponies lived here. It’s a little hard to, uhh, figure out the spells. So, you just gotta, uhhh, you know, set it next to a pickle jar for a few days and hold a dozen cheese slugs in your hoof-err-hand while reading it and you’ll know a whole bunch of cool magic spells. All the other giant toys will be sooo jealous.” Twilight’s mouth was running while her brain was shut down for repairs and she prayed that the absurd dribble that had just came out of her mouth lined up with whatever crazy world Giant Woody lived in.

“Hmm… What else do you have to offer?”

Twilight’s ears dropped and her eyes nearly bugged out her skull. “What else? Well, let’s see.” She threw the book at Giant Woody’s face despite knowing it wouldn’t affect him.

He caught the book in his hand. “Where do I put this?”

“I don’t know. Shove it up your stuffing hole or something.” She snarked before teleporting away again.

“M-My WHAT?!”

-

Twilight appeared in her castle and found that her suspicions were correct. There was indeed a giant party taking place. Balloons, strobe-lights, dubstep, and partying ponies filled the room she had appeared in. And she had a pretty good idea who had started it. “Pinkie!”

“Yes?”

Twilight let out another embarrassing ‘eep’ and jumped when Pinkie appeared beside her, thankfully not bucking her this time. “Pinkie, stop sneaking up on me like that!”

“How do you want me to sneak up on you then?” Pinkie asked innocently.

“Like this?” Another Pinkie appeared behind Twilight and poked her flank.

Twilight let out a slightly less embarrassing ‘ahh’ and turned to glare at the second Pinkie. “Knock it off!”

The second Pinkie quickly disappeared into the crowd.

The original Pinkie giggled. “Sorry~! So, did you get rid of the crazy toy guy?”

Twilight’s eyes widened as she looked back and forth between Pinkie and where the other Pinkie had been. Deciding it would be devastating for her mental health to dwell on such a thing at a time like this, she ignored it. “No, I need something to give him.”

“Oooh, like a present?”

“Yeah, pretty much. Something that will amuse him enough to agree to leave.”

“Hey, Pinkie,” A rather frustrated-looking Rainbow Dash emerged from the crowd. “Spoon.” She threw a spoon into the crowd.

Pinkie watched the spoon fly and dove into the crowd to get it.

“Twilight,” Rainbow addressed the Princess now that Pinkie was busy. “Get these ropes off me! I can’t find Spike anywhere and nopony else is bothering to help me.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned. “Rainbow, we’ve been through this and I don’t have the patience right now to go over it with you again.”

“Come on, Twilight! Just give me one chance! I’ll go and stomp a mudhole in his sorry butt!”

“More likely he’ll stomp your sorry butt into a mudhole. This is for your own good, Dash.”

“Pfft, whadda you know?” Rainbow flipped her mane before taking a drag from something in her hoof.

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

Rainbow blew out a cloud of vapor. “A vape.”

As she watched Rainbow take another drag, Twilight got an idea so stupid, it would probably work. “Gimme that.” She said before snatching away Rainbow’s vape.

“Hey!”

“It’s for stopping Woody. Besides, it’s bad for you.” With that, she teleported away, leaving behind a very aggravated Rainbow Dash.

“Hey, Dashie, I got the spoon!” Pinkie proclaimed as she appeared at Rainbow’s side with a spoon sticking out of her mouth.

“Pinkie, do you think you could cut through this rope with that spoon?”

Pinkie looked over the rope tied around Rainbow’s waste. “Hmmm… Yes! Buuut it’ll probably take a while. This will probably work better.” She said as she brought out a large knife.

Rainbow stared wide eyed at the sharp implement. “...Whyyy do you have that?”

“In case a cake needs cutting.”

“...Okay, whatever. Just cut me loose.”

-

Twilight reappeared and presented the Giant Woody with her new offering. “How about this bad boy?”

Giant Woody turned around and found the alicorn had returned with an object in her hoof. “Huh? What is that you are showing me?”

“It’s a vape.” Twilight took a drag from it and blew out a cloud of vapor to demonstrate.

“I-Is that-Is that a vaporizing pen?”

“Uhhh, yeah. Sure, sure.”

“I have never seen a cloud so dank in my life.”

“Yeah, it’s really cool, huh? You like it? It’s all yours if you leave my town alone and leave Equestria forever.”

“...You know what? I accept! I will take your vaporizing pen and be on my way.”

Suppressing the urge to squee with joy, Twilight levitated the thing to Giant Woody, who took it between his two massive figures and brought it to his mouth, somehow successfully taking a drag and blowing a vape cloud.

“I must be on my way. There are taxes to be collected and people to be brutally murdered. FAREWELL!” WIth that, he walked away from the castle on his presumed journey to leave Equestria.

Concerned about that last part and making a mental note to send a letter to Celestia, Twilight let out a sigh and lowered herself to the ground. She sighed and fell on her haunches. “Well, at least that’s over.”

“Oh no, you don’t, ya overgrown doll!” A voice from high above called out.

“No… Please no…” Twilight looked up to see Rainbow Dash flying high up into the sky.

“TIME TO TASTE THE RAINBOOM!” Rainbow yelled as she turned in the air and soared down with fantastic speed, aiming herself directly at the giant toy.

“What?” Giant Woody asked as he turned around.

“Rainbow Dash, stop!” Twilight shouted as she took to the air, but it was no use.

Rainbow’s face pulled back as she got faster and faster. In no time at all, she broke the sound barrier and a rainbow circle blasted across the the sky, the force of which sent Twilight into the ground with such force that she ran under it like a gopher until she hit the steps of the castle. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash arrowed herself directly at the toy’s chest. She nailed it with such force that the impact made a sound like a dozen lightning bolts striking the ground at once. She buried herself into his chest… and then popped out and fell to the ground.

Giant Woody was unaffected.

Dizzy and out of breath, Rainbow looked up at the still standing foe. “Wha… How the..?”

“Did you… Did you just try to attack me? TWILIIIIIGHT!”

Twilight dug herself out of the ground and shook the majority of the dirt out of her mane. Despite her aching body and her headache now being at least twenty-four times worse, she managed to get herself up on wobbly legs. “I’ve… got dirt… everywhere.”

“TWILIGHT!” Giant Woody called to her. “How could you betray me? You bribe me with your books and vaporizing pens, and then when my back is turned, this rainbowy pegasus tries to murder me!”

Her mind clearing up enough for her to realize the severity of the situation, Twilight’s eyes widened in horror. “N-No, no! You don’t understand.”

“THAT’S IT! I’M KILLING EVERYONE!” Giant Woody started towards the castle.

Twilight racked her aching brain to figure out what to do, but she couldn’t think of anything. He was too strong; too unstable. She closed her eyes and waited for the end to come.

“Hold it right there.” A heavenly voice came from above. A heavenly and familiar voice.

Twilight opened her eyes and looked up to see Princess Celestia lowering herself to ground, putting herself between Giant Woody and Twilight (along with everyone in the castle).

“Are you the tax collector?” She asked nonchalantly.

Giant Woody stopped in his tracks and crouched down to talk to the Princess of the Sun. “What-uh-yes! I am Large Woody from Pixar’s Toy Story and I am indeed here to collect taxes in a violent fashion.”

“Oh, I’m so glad you were sent here. It just so happens we have a major problem with tax evasion. Though I’m afraid this isn’t the right place.”

“...It’s not?”

Celestia let out a small laugh. “No, not at all. But I will gladly show you where they are.”

“...Yes. I accept your offer! Come! WE MUST COLLECT TAXES!” Giant Woody stated as he started leaving town in a random direction despite Celestia not telling him where they were going.

Celestia turned gave her student a sympathetic smile. “Rough morning, my little pony?”

Twilight gave a brief chuckle. “You have no idea. Did Spike message you?”

Celestia nodded. “He explained everything. I came as quick as I could.”

Twilight bowed her head. “I’m sorry, Princess. I thought I could handle it. I mean, I’m a Princess; I should be able to protect the town.”

Celestia chuckled and rubbed Twilight’s back. “Even Princesses need help from time to time. I believe you and your friends can attest to that.”

Twilight couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Excuse me.” Giant Woody butted in. “I still don’t know where we’re going.”

Celestia rolled her eyes, smile still on her face. “I’ll handle this from here. You get some rest.”

Twilight nodded and watched as Celestia flew off, leading Giant Woody to wherever Celestia had in mind.

“Did you win?” Pinkie asked, appearing behind Twilight.

Twilight shrieked and instinctively punched Pinkie across the face, knocking her head backwards.

Pinkie corrected her head position with a hoofprint on her right cheek. “Ow.”

“Pinkie, I told you to stop sneaking up on me!”

“Oopsie. Sorry about that.”

Twilight sighed and rubbed her temples. “It’s fine, j-just send everypony home and clean up the mess your party left.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie saluted before bouncing off.

“Whew, that was nuts.” Rainbow remarked as she approached Twilight. “Good thing Princess Celestia show up, huh?”

Twilight glared daggers at Rainbow.

“...Oh, hehe, right. Sorry about the whole ‘trying to attack the giant toy monster even though you told me not to and nearly getting everypony killed’ thing. No hurt feelings, right?”

Twilight said nothing; she just continued to glare.

“...Twilight?”

-

Fluttershy hummed to herself as she finished making Angel Bunny’s salad. She had been very busy attending to her animals through the morning and was blissfully unaware of the chaos that had recently occurred in town. Now that all was taken care of, she prepared to head to town and meet up with her friends. When she opened the door, however, she was greeted with a surprise.

There, a few feet from her door, was her good friend Rainbow Dash… locked inside a pet carrier that was way too small for her.

She stepped over to the crate and stared in confusion at her friend’s face, scrunched up against the carrier’s cage doors. “R-Rainbow Dash? Why are you in a pet carrier?”

Rainbow simply wheezed out, “It’s a long and painful story…”