Leaky Faucets and Disturbing Dreams
Drip…drip…drip…
Why am I finding it so difficult to sleep this day? Is it because of my sister’s sunlight streaming through my window, burning through my visor? Is it because I’m nervous about something that holds complete irrelevancy here? Or could it simply be that infernal faucet dripping in my ear? Could the explanation really be that simple? I don’t want it to be, yet it feels as though it is. Isn’t it marvelous how something so utterly basic can transcend the spirit of a pony until it becomes something earth shattering?
Drip…drip…drip…
Ugh! I wish somepony would come and fix it! But why is it driving me towards insanity? I mean, it’s only a faucet. Surely, there are more important things that could cause me to suffer such feelings. Every single drip sounds like a banging drum in my head, and every tiny splash is the clanging together of a new pair of bright, shiny cymbals. My mind is whirling and I’m finding that these drips are causing it to be shoved into a corner of disastrous proportions. I feel I may crack soon.
But even more than the faucet are the dreams I’m having regarding my sister and my place in Equestria. I cannot make heads or tails out of them. In one dream, Celestia and I are strong, happy sisters, prancing throughout our beloved homeland without a single care. But in another, I see us torn apart by some unknown force. When I try to resist it, it pushes me down further into the ever expanding darkness. I feel at home in the dark. I work in the night. So why in the world does this trouble me?
So I begin to ask myself questions about everything I’ve observed in my own dream realm. I inquire as to the source of this unknown force that’s keeping me from my sister. It drowns me in pools of blood, then awakens me and tosses me into a buzzsaw before sending me spiraling back into the black. I know all of these things are symbolic of some greater concept, but what that concept is, I cannot say. In these nightmares, I am simply a pony…no more, no less. I am not the princess that the citizens have written songs and legends about. Nor am I the evil Nightmare Moon, who sought to do those same citizens such harm. I am simply Luna…and I wish with all my heart to return home.
I miss the days of yore so much, back when she and I were fillies with no responsibilities. I remember playing in our yard with her. Oh, how we used to chase each other, squealing and laughing and thinking that this was some kind of heaven that we could never leave. What pony would ever want to? Sometimes, I secretly wish that Star Swirl had never given me these wings and this position. Then I would not have had to leave that heaven and all the memories that go with it. Every time I close my eyes, I believe I see my sister as a filly, beckoning me to run with her and play with her.
But then…I awake and find that dusk has fallen and it is time for me to begin the same royal duties I’ve done for countless years. The moon has become my only companion, and, even though Celestia has done my duty before, it still feels as though nopony could truly stand in my place. I don’t say this arrogantly. I say it with complete sadness. I have been selected for this job, and I must uphold my duty before myself and Equestria, even though sometimes I don’t want to. I want to go back to the past and relive everything with her.
I feel as though our relationship has been strained over the past few days. She looks so tired and run down, and I’ve tried to help her. But whenever I offer my assistance, she snaps at me. She glares and gnashes her teeth. They grind together, and it creates such a sonic resonance in my ear that I feel she is some gigantic gorge and I am the tiny pony creating a huge echo inside of it. I try and remind her of our bond, but that only yields the same results. So all I can do is retreat from the small battle and hope to win the next one.
I don’t know what else I can do for her. It’s like Celestia is gone and she’s been replaced by some rabid facsimile bent on destruction. She’s angry most of the time, and it weighs heavily upon my soul. Perhaps, that is the darkness I face in my nightmares. My love for my sister is as strong as it ever was, and my heart aches to see her like this. Every time I do, I am transported back to when we were young and she would save me from danger. She was always there for me, so why can’t I be there for her? Why is she pushing me away? I wish I knew.
I’ve also seen her slashing her hooves with shards of glass after breaking a mirror. She cries out for love and friendship as she does so, but I do not know why. She’s beloved by everypony, and she has many friends. They congregate in our castle on multiple occasions, and she is always very jovial and lighthearted when they are here. But when they leave, she will return to her chambers and lay down and sob endlessly. I don’t know what has happened to create such a despondency and misery in my sister, but I’m going to get to the bottom of it.
I wish with all my heart that Celestia would return to being her normal self. I miss her kind eyes and the benevolence with which she ruled. I miss her sweet words of encouragement, and her thinking of me as an equal sister. Now I fear that she sees me as some kind of alien presence within the castle. Before too long, she might go completely mad and throw me out onto the street.
So I spiral into the blackness. It meets me and swallows me up, and won’t release me. Yet, I feel a strange sense of comfort in its embrace. It’s not just because I am used to it, but I feel that I can let go of my emotions and frustrations and just be me. While there, I’m allowed to return to a simpler time, when Celestia and I were inseparable, and when the world resembled happiness. Back when it all made sense.
