Author's Note

No, this fiction is not dead, nor will it be dead for the foreseeable future. Gracias on all of your patience for this next chapter. It’s not as large as I’d like, but I couldn’t think of what else to add to it without making it seem like an extra large mouthful.

I’ll admit, I’ve been demotivated and distracted with a lot of bullshit in over the past month or two. But I’m back now! Looking forward to serving you all fresh hot pone plot (story, of course).

Is... Is that a brownie?

-Two hours prior to the front door opening-

-Celestia-

‘Dear Twilight,
It has come to my attention that, due to a certain somepony interfering with a spell-matrix, it has led to the accidental creation of ‘artificial ponies’. Due to the unpredictable and usually dangerous nature posed by homunculi, usually my sister or I take it upon ourselves with dematerializing the threats and delivering the pony responsible to the magic council for proper sentencing.

You and I know from experience that Equestrian magic affects humans differently, so I thought it important to mention that the fillies are unique in this matter.
What this means is that unlike every homunculi that has been recorded throughout Eqyestria’s history has always been unintelligent and violent, this particular group of them appears to be an exception. I’ve personally spoken with and inspected one of them with the needed spells and, assuming the others are the same as the one, their unique magical signature appears to be passive as opposed to aggressive. For lack of a better word, they’re harmless.

What I find even more strange though is that while they aren’t biological in origin, the magic signature contained within their mana is faintly reflective of that seen within Anonymous, albeit much more concentrated. I recommend that further examination be done on the fillies and that you update my sister or I of their stability or threat status, as well as containing and dispelling them, should you deem it appropriate.

Princess Celestia, Solar Diarch.’

Finished with her letter, Celestia cast the spell to send it via dragon fire. Celestia slumped down into the cushion that served as a chair for her desk, her back arching onto the floor as she sighed with boredom. Exhaustion plagued her body from the day court earlier in the day. While she didn’t particularly enjoy having to serve as the Canterlot noble ‘babysitter’, it gave her subjects a place to voice their concern. Even if that concern was usually petty and selfish.

“I swear on the Maker...” she began, pausing to grasp the right words. “If it weren’t for the fact that Lulu and I swapped every few days, I would have gone as insane as Discord on Prank day many, many moons ago.”

Solar Diarch or not, the stress from dealing with nonsense all day ate away at her. She really needed a vacation sometime.

A small voice snickered behind her, stopping only to puff on a strange smelling cigarette. The pony responsible for the smell was like none she had ever seen before. Although she had the body of a filly, her mind was like that of an adult.

“Y’know, if you’re really that whacked out, I could always show you my secret way to relax,” said the filly with either malice or trickery. Celestia couldn’t determine what the tone of voice implied. “I know a way that can fix it in little under an hour.”

Celestia scoffed, but quickly put on a smile. “While I don’t doubt you, my little pony, don’t you think that such an accusation is unfounded in reason? I’ve been alive for many a year and have tried all manners of relaxation. But please feel free to humor me.”

The earth filly’s left eyelids twitched. “I’d be happy to. But uh, please drop the ‘my little pony’ schtick with me. It feels demeaning.” She inhaled the last little bit of her cigarette, flicking the butt into the trash can next to Celestia with her tongue. “You mind helping me down into the kitchen in this joint? Anon’s memories only really helped me find the throne room.”

Celestia gave the diminutive filly an apologetic look. “O-of course. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable, Miss…”

“Mary Jane, but call me whatever you think’s cool.”

“Okay, Miss Jane. Once I’ve finished writing these last few letters, I will join you. Feel free to go on ahead. There should be a new guard stationed outside of my room in a few minutes. Shift-change.” Celestia pointed a wing towards the door, hinting that Mary Jane should ask him for directions.

MJ stood up from her seat on the couch, stretching like a cat as she waltzed out of the room. Celestia then began to levitate over another piece of parchment from the small stack to her left, gently depositing the paper onto the ornate mahogany desk. The next hour or two consisted of performing the same mundane action, letters being clearly written in her familiar horn-writing. Other than having to send a letter to some random school asking for more funds or saying yes to charities that had asked her to appear, none of the letters had taken as much time as she first thought. To be frank, she was an hour ahead of schedule, giving her a chance to walk and meet her new friend rather than simply teleporting to the dining hall in the palace.

The walk was rather peaceful this silent night, with Luna’s moon slowly rising over the horizon, signifying that night had officially arrived. Nothing could compare to her sister’s night sky, though Celestia had tried for over many years to replicate it.

Celestia smiled as she thought to herself. ‘I’ve always been mystified by your moonrise, dear Luna. I’m glad you gained back your courage to craft such a night befitting of your name.’ As she mused, the alicorn audibly ‘oo’d and ‘aahh’, spotting a particular old constellation Luna had hidden. Contrary to popular belief, Celestia enjoyed viewing the stars and was an secret fan of cosmology as a whole. Nobody would ever know though, what with the ‘sun controlling goddess’ rumor that a certain Anonymous someone had spread around Canterlot. And many other cities.

It baffled the sun princess at how her lunar counterpart could fit so much detail and magic into just a few hours each night, never repeating the previous one but once a month. While the day time always had the weather, skies, and sun, the night time had its galaxies, stars, and moon to cover Equestria.

Deciding she had had her fill, Celestia continued down the hall towards the palace dining room, room putting it lightly. It was more of a ballroom with a table than it was a dining room. The alicorn gripped the vertical handlebars that acted as over the top door knobs and gently thrust the doors inward, trotting inside while the doors shut behind her.

Celestia’s nostrils flared, inhaling a sweet and spicy scent emanating from the kitchen, unable to keep her mouth from salivating at the unknown scent mixed with MJ’s smoke. ‘Chocolate?’ Celestia didn’t know how to feel about the smell. It made her feel overwhelmed by its almost offending odor. She didn’t know if she wanted to eat whatever was cooking, or fill her mouth with bile.

But it wasn’t terrible enough to deter her. It held a faint hint of burnt popcorn, yet sprinkled with some sort of sugar. The sun maiden crept ever so closely to the door, peeking her muzzle into the room to spy Mary Jane hard at work. She zipped around like a lime green wasp, almost as if she were creating a chaotic dance of sorts. The way she moved held grace and determination, like watching a play about star crossed lovers meeting death’s embrace. A real show. And then, it seemed to end. Moments after Celestia had walked in the filly-mare, did the mare stop her baking and pulled out a steaming tray of brownies. Instantly, the room filled with even more of the deliciously-vile smell than was back inside of the dining room. The brownies seemed to produce the vapour at no end, slowly entrancing Celestia to inquire as to how they taste.

Celestia moved closer to the baker before her, receiving a sly smile. MJ waved her hoof, signalling that Celestia should partake of the brownies.

Celestia sheepishly shook her head gently, sweat beginning to drip down the side of her head. “No thank you, I don’t believe it’s very healthy to eat desserts this late. B-besides, I thought you said you wanted to show me a means of relaxing?”

MJ snorted, chuckling to herself. “Bro, I know you sneak into these kitchens and snack on sweets like a porky pig. ‘Snothin’ to be ashamed about every once in a while,” the filly quickly flashed another awkward smile. “It wouldn’t hurt any to have one brownie and no more, right?”

Celestia watched as MJ cut out a four-inch square from the bottom right corner, lifting it up on a pie knife and waving it about in front of the alicorn’s nose. It waving buried the scent deep into her mucous, earning a few coughs.

She brought a hoof up to her nose, holding her nostrils shut. Celestia gripped the pie knife and pushed it away. “I really think I should just get back to my bedroom and sleep for tomorrow’s duties. I’m greetin-”

MJ coughed in an over-exaggerated manner. “Upupup, shush. Yer gonna turn me into a boring old bat at this rate if you keep your excuses up. I know you and you know me. You’re going to eat this no matter what, Sun booty-booty. You want to shove this cake so far into your mouth that I’d find it in your backside.” She waved the brownie once more.

Celestia carefully looked over the brownie, admiring the fresh crumbly warmth. It spewed forth steam from inside its chocolate core, the chocolate chips on top of it glistening in the mage-crystal lights. The whole thing felt like it wanted to move with a consistency almost like molasses. And the smell, good god the SMELL, was on a whole other level than other baked goods than any of the Canterlot bakeries. It was pungent, potent, and full of the soul of Mary Jane, as if it were part of her magical essence.

The intensity of the herbal smokeleaf bled out as Celestia cut into the brownie with magic to pry it apart. “Welp, I suppose a taste wouldn’t hurt at all. I have been abstaining from sweets today,” she said rather blandly. “Over the teeth and past the gums, beware my stomach, here it comes!”

And that was the last Celestia could remember before her memories faded into nothingness.