Derpy Hooves: Vampire Slayer

by CountDerpy

Rating: teen
Tags: Derpy Hooves, DJ P0N-3, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Trixie, Octavia
Length: 4576

Derpy by day, killer by night

*Note* This story is an alternate story line that started from the opening scene of ' The Last Roundup '.

By day, she is simply known as Derpy Hooves, a ditsy mail carrier in Ponyville. By night, she is known as The Silver Death, a ruthless, demon killing vampony. When a vampony lord sets his sights on the Elements of Harmony, She must stop them from being corrupted or watch Equestria fall into eternal damnation.

Published 2012-12-03 10:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-25 09:47:24 UTC

Prologue:The Mare's In The Cradle

(Authors Note: PLEASE READ* Derpy isn't going to act like expected in this story. This story was actually a product of a question a friends asked. She asked me "Is Derpy naturally like she is, is it a blonde thing or is she hiding something?" So this story gives a possibility of what if she is hiding something...)

1450 years ago......

The sound of heavy footsteps followed the grey mare down the dark ally as she ran, a bundle covered in a shroud in her hooves.

"No! Stay away! Leave me alone demon!" She continued to run, the silhouette of a taller alicorn silently stalked her before ducking into the shadows. She continued to run until a tall, faceless mare grabbed hold of her as the alicorn approached.

"Domine, Pater coeli et clypeo protege me a malo ..." The mare cried out as she scrambled for the rosary in her pocket.

"...in lucem sanctam dilectionem." He laughed, his fangs glinting in the moon light as he caressed the cheek of his prey. " Putasne vere, soror Annabel, ut eruat vos Dominus Deus vester?" He licked the tear off her cheek and sniffed at her neck gently.

"Don't you touch me, you demon. Agent of hell! Return to the lake of fire from which you came!" She spat in his face, his anger rising, but loving the fight his prey put up.

"Oh poor Sister Annabel, why won't you just give in. You know your going to love it." He cooed with a sinister grin as he pulled the rosary from her hooves and crushed it. "No be a good little mare and give in." Before she had any time to react, his fangs were sunk deep into her neck. Annabel let out a loud scream as the blood began to drain from her body. The pain was excruciating, but only lasted a moment before her body went limp and fell to the ground.

The alicorn licked his lips, gathering the last bits of blood that had been wasted on his muzzle. "Mmm... the taste of damning the soul of the clergy. It's simply divine." He gave a horrid laugh as he ripped Annabel's barely beating heart out and crushed it wiith his magic. "Come, Slendermane. We have much more to do tonight." They started to walk away when a small cry came from the dead nun's hooves.

"Hmm." He walked over and moved the shroud from over her body, his eyes lighting up with savage horror and a fiendish grin passed over his face. Under the shroud laid a crying baby pegasus, her grey body and blonde mane matted and messy from the heat within the shroud."Well what do we have here."

Slendermane walked up to the filly, extending one of her long tentacles before having it smacked away. "No,you may not have her. I have a plan for this one." the alicorn slit the end of his hoof with his fang, dripping the blood into the filly's mouth and on her forehead as he began to chant.

"Damnatorum Domine, tibi sacrificium pro puero isto sanguine Genetricis Pater aeternus. Damnatorum Domine, tibi sacrificium pro puero isto sanguine Genetricis Pater aeternus.Damnatorum Domine, tibi sacrificium pro puero isto sanguine Genetricis Pater aeternus!" As he chanted the filly's body began to tense up and she began to scream. Her eyes began turning red and fangs sprouted from her gums.

The alicorn laughed as he walked away, Slender Mane walking close behind him. "Remember my name young one, for one day you shall praise it. Remember it well....."

Present Day

"Dragonimar!" Derpy shot up in her bed panting like crazy. "Dammit not again." She held her hoof to her head, wiping the sweat off her face, her once yellow and odd looking eyes were glowing red and...still odd looking. Two large fangs hung down from her muzzle, but only a few knew about them.

She got out of the bed and stretched her wings out, her eyes changing back to there normal blonde color and her fangs retreating back into her gums. She sighed as she walked out the door, grabbing a muffin and beginning to go about her day job. Ponyville Mail Carrier and all around ditz.

The perfect cover.

I Just Don't Know What Went Wrong (Actually I Do Know)

Derpy walked along the path she had for the last 400 years. Walk two blocks past Sugar Cube Corner, a right at the Ponyville Library and a mile past that to the Ponyville Post Office #4.

"Hey Derpy!" Pinkie Pie yelled from the kitchen window of Sugar Cube Corner. She tossed a bag of muffins out the window and Derpy happily caught them. That was one of the two things that she never lied about....her love for the muffin.

"Thanks Pinkie!" That was number two....she never lied about her voice. The same deeper tone than most mares that she had since she was just a filly. She thought it was weird, but every pony seemed to love it.

God, how long do I have to keep up this blonde act. Derpy may have seemed alright on the outside, but inside she was fighting back her urge to drag some pony into the shadows of an ally and ripping their throat out. Such is the drama of hiding your inner demons....literally.

"Derpy! Rainbow Dash needs your help over at town hall! You go there today and be back here tomorrow!" The post master yelled as she walked into the building.

"Ok!" She dashed out the door towards town hall. Rainbow Dash, remind me to thank your flank for getting me out of work today. She ran all the way there and, just to keep up her guise, slammed right into Rainbow Dash sending her flying into the wall.

"WAAAA!!!!!" Rainbow cried as she smashed throw the wall of town hall. "What the fuck was that!" She poked her head out through the wall. "Oh, it's just you Derpy."

"Yep!" Derpy called out as she flew up and grabbed a cloud that was hovering a few feet away from the building.

"Ugh, just stay up there Derpy and...I don't know...jump on the cloud or something." She said as she started to hang up a banner across town hall's entrance. It was the day that Applejack was going off to compete in a rodeo of some kind, Derpy didn't know nor did she give a fuck.

"Ok, Rainbow Dash!" She started to jump on the cloud, sending a few bolts of lightning flying off in a few different directions. One went flying off at Rainbow Dash just as she was starting to finish nailing the banner to the building.

She barely dodged the bolt as it shot out at her. "Now, careful Derpy! Don't want to do anymore damage than you've already done." Rainbow Dash pointed at the roof of town hall, which was on the verge of collapsing in on it's self. Derpy took this as a challenge to test the limits of her indifference.

She continued to bounce on her cloud. "I just don't know what went wrong!" She bounced a couple more times before getting shocked by the lightning that had built up in the cloud. This time she wasn't acting as she tried to keep her balance on the cloud with a singed look to her.

"Yeah, it's a mystery." She said as she pushed the last nail in. Oh, Rainbow, your just making this way to easy for me!

"Nice work, Rainbow Dash!" She said as she floated backwards towards one of the support pillars and barely bumped it with her flank. But thanks to her strength, it was easily knocked off of it's supports. She tried to keep herself from laughing as she watched Rainbow Dash fly down and try to catch it before it crashed down to the....too late

CRASH!!!!! Derpy floated down to the large hole in the ground where the pillar (and Rainbow) crashed through. Once again. To. Easy

"You ok, Rainbow Dash. Anything I can do to help!?"

Motherly Love

Derpy flew happily towards the old broken down shack that Ponyville called a schoolhouse. It was her favorite time of day, a scenic flight on the way to pick up her little muffin from school. The path that she followed was lined with hundreds of very large and very old redwood trees. She bobbed and weaved through the thickest parts, her heightened senses picking up every little sound that nature had to offer. She could hear everything from the loud screech of an eagle to the quiet flutter of a monarch butterflies wing as she soared past.

After several minutes of her relaxing flight, the schoolhouse came into view. It was in terrible condition compared to what it had been nearly 50 years ago. The rotted wood on the outside of the building was visible even beneath 6 coats of paint. The bell tower that stood on the top had collapsed months ago, the falling bell taking a good chunk out of the roof with it. Derpy landed outside the front door when a wave of children poured out the entrance like a tsunami.  The fillies and colts were too excited to be leaving for summer vacation to care about anypony being trampled in their way, luckily for Derpy they all ran around her. She stood calmly and waited until the crowd thinned before she trotted into the school. The inside was not in need of the repairs that the outside was, but was still pretty bad for a building its age. The one room of the school was lined with everything from black boards and motivational posters, to hoof drawn pictures of the town’s only teacher, Cheerilee.

“Ah, Derpy, you’re here.” A voice called out from the back of the room. A dark pink mare walked towards the desk where Derpy was standing. Her eyes where bright and cheery, reflecting the nature that life had bestowed upon her when she got her cutie mark. “I didn’t think you would be here right away.”

“I had to pick up Dinky anyways, so I flew over as soon as I finished helping Rainbow Dash.” Derpy said with an odd grin on her face. “By the way, where is she?”

“I told her that I and you had some personal business to talk about, so I sent her to go play on the playground until we finished.” Cheerilee said with a happy smile.

“Ok, that’s fine with me.” Derpy replied as she pulled a small box out of her saddle bags. “Here is your package, Miss Cheerilee.”

Cheerilee quickly grabbed the package and ripped open one end of it. She shook it violently until three bags of red liquid fell out of the side and landed in her hooves. She looked down at them. “Is this all that I get?”

“Sorry, but you know there is a shortage of donors right now. You’re going to have to make do with a bag a week and get some pony to let you feed from them once.”

Cheerilee groaned. “Come on, Derpy, there has to be more than just this. I mean how many others do you monitor and supply in this damn town!”

“You, Lyra and I are the only ones, Cheerilee, and you know that well. I’m doing the best I can here, so you’re going to have to live with it until the next blood drive. “

Cheerilee groaned again. “Fine, I’ll see if Vinyl or Octavia will let me have a drink sometime here soon.” She placed two of the bags in a locked drawer of her desk and took off the cap of the third. She waited no time in bringing the pouch to her lips and greedily guzzling every last drop from it. In fact, it took her a little less than 15 seconds to drink the entire pint dry. She tossed the package over into a trashcan under her desk and kicked back in her chair, her eyes red and pupils dilated. “Wow that was some of the crappiest blood ever. Where the hell did that come from, some old dried up stallion or something?”

Derpy shrugged and sat in the chair on the other side of the desk. “So, is there anything school related with Dinky I need to know?”

“Yes, there are a few things that have been going on.” Cheerilee sat forward and tried her best to look professional, even though she was blood drunk. “She has gotten into three fights this week alone and it seems to be affecting her school work.”

Derpy sighed. “Was she fighting with Diamond Tiara again?”

Cheerilee nodded. “I have already had a talk with Filthy Rich, but he said that she won’t even listen to him. She definitely has not been taking it easy on Dinky.”

“Maybe I should go have a talk with Mr. Rich later this evening, try and see if we can work something out to get Diamond to stop picking on my little muffin.” Derpy rubbed her hoof over her forehead. “And I will talk to Dinky about the fighting later.”

“Dinky understands why she is fighting though, so just be gentle on her ok?”

“Of course I will, I wouldn’t lay a hoof on her or even yell at her ever!” Derpy snapped

“Derpy, calm yourself.” Cheerilee demanded. “All I am saying is that you should listen to Dinky’s side of the story before you scold her for this, if you even scold her at all.”

Derpy nodded. “I will.”

“Good.” Cheerilee pushed her hooves against the desk, sliding her rolling chair over to the window that was facing the playground. She carefully opened the broken glass window and poked her head outside. “Dinky, your mother is here to get you.”

A small periwinkle unicorn with her mother’s mane looked over at Cheerilee from a swing set near the top of a small hill. She smiled at her teacher and called back to her. “Ok, Miss Cheerilee!”

Cheerilee ducked back inside and looked over at Derpy. “So…have you told her yet?”

Derpy looked over to the earth pony confused. “Told her what?”

“You know…about what we are.”

Derpy looked at her in shock. “Of course I haven’t told her, and until she is old enough to understand without fear it will stay that way. You can tell her about yourself whenever the buck you want to, but no pony besides me is going to tell her about me. I mean, do you know what that could do to a sensitive filly like Dinky!?”

“Ok, Derpy, calm down! It was just a simple question. You don’t have to fly off the handle like that.”

“I’m sorry, Cheerilee. It’s just…. You know how I am about Dinky.”

Derpy had become the mother of a foal 4 years ago. She hadn’t the slightest idea at how she had gotten pregnant nor if she had ever done anything to get pregnant, but still she was happy. She carried her foal inside her for a long time, not knowing how long since time had become nothing to her. The only problem was, Dinky was born prematurely and spent a whole year of her life in a machine that kept her alive. That time was one of the darkest in Derpy’s 1450 years alive, not knowing if the next day would be the last one for Dinky or not. Eventually, Dinky was able to go home for the first time, but the doctors had told Derpy that she was sickly and frail, and that there was a good chance that she might never be able to use magic. Derpy broke down mentally around that time, she didn’t know how she was going to care for a magic-less unicorn filly, but somehow she had done it for 3 years, and she would continue to do it until the day that Dinky died.

“I know Derpy, I know.” Cheerilee stood up just as the tiny unicorn ran inside and jumped up into her mother’s lap.

“Mommy!” she giggled happily as she nuzzled against her mother’s stomach.

Derpy couldn’t help but laugh. “You are so weird Dinky.” She said as she brushed her mane out of her face.

“Mommy is weird too!” She giggled even more.

“Derpy got up out of her chair and lifted Dinky onto her back laughing. “Come on you silly filly, let’s head home.”

“Ok, mommy.” She held on tight to her mother’s back. “Bye Miss Cheerilee!”

“Bye Dinky!” Cheerilee called out to her as Derpy took to the sky.  She flew close to the ground and at a much slower pace than she had earlier. Dinky laughed and talked about her day the whole flight to the small house that they lived in on the north side of Ponyville. It wasn’t very impressive, but it had been enough for Derpy for centuries.

“…and I saw this weird bug that had this large blue spot on its forehead, and I painted a picture of it and it looked more like a potato than a bug.”

“That’s great, Dinky. I’m glad you had fun today.” Derpy unlocked the door and walked inside, nearly being trampled by Dinky, who launched herself from her mother’s head onto a large beanbag chair.

“Yeah It was a fun day…..for the most part anyway.” Dinky’s demeanor changed at once. All the energy she had when they had gotten home seemed to have been sapped away from her like a ghost drawing energy from the world around it, and she was the battery drained.

“So I heard.” Derpy said as she sat beside her daughter in the beanbag. “You want to tell me what happened?”

Dinky sighed a bit. “… I was outside playing at recess, looking at that bug that I saw. It was beautiful and I had almost finished my picture of it….then Diamond tiara and her friends walked up. They were all calling me Dinky Doofus and a few other names. One of them picked up the bug wit h magic and killed it. I…I just got so mad and I….”

“What did you do, Dinky?” Derpy said gently. “It’s ok; you’re not going to get in any trouble.”

“I… I hit Diamond Tiara with a rock and we got into a fight. She kicked me in the face and then ripped out a chunk of my mane. Sweetie Belle’s sister was nice enough to repair it a bit so it wasn’t noticeable when she came to get her.  She also ripped up my picture that I had worked so hard on. I tried to repaint it, but I couldn’t find another bug like that and it came out to look like….a blue potato. Then every pony in class started to laugh at me when I showed Doctor Whooves to them for show and tell.”

Doctor Whooves was a doll Derpy had made for Dinky right after they came home from the hospital once. Derpy had to go away on some business and Dinky was too sick to go with her. She made the doll so that when Twilight was foal sitting her, she wouldn’t be lonely and upset. It had since gone everywhere that Dinky went.

“Every pony?” Derpy asked

“Well, not every pony, but most of them did.” Dinky sighed as she nuzzled up against her mother.

Derpy wrapped her wing around her daughter, pulling her as close as she could. “Dinky, I know that it’s hard for you, but you are stronger than they are. You don’t have to fight to defend yourself.” She looked down at her. “You just have to remember that you’re special no matter what those other ponies say. Trust me; I had to go through the same thing when I was a filly too.”

“Because of your eyes mommy?” Dinky said cautiously.

Derpy nodded. “Among other things, but I always held my head up high through all the teasing and names and whatever  other insults anypony threw at me. I know you can do the same, I mean, who is the only filly in the world who can eat an entire zap apple pie in less than a minute."

Dinky giggled. "I am, mommy."

"I know you are, Dinky." Derpy nuzzled her daughter a bit. "Now...how about I make us some dinner and a few muffins before bed time."

Dinky wrapped her hooves around her mother's neck and gave her a small peck on the cheek. "Thanks mommy."

"Your welcome, my little muffin."

All Nightmare Long (Part 1)

The rest of her evening went the way Derpy had planned it to go. Her small dinner alone with Dinky, the fun of baking muffins with her little muffin, and settling down to Dinky's favorite story. Dinky was always one who loved the stories of strange and mysterious creatures that slew other creatures for the common good. Whether it be a knight in shining armor or a strange giant lizard that protected the world from giant robots, it was enough to put her to sleep, and on theses nights it is what Derpy needed the most.

Derpy sat silent in the darkness of her living room, a funny name for a room she always thought, her eyes shut in deep meditations. No muscle in her body moved, not a single flex of a limb, the quiver of her lip, nor the flash of her eyelid. She was perfectly, deathly still... The way that she always prepared for these nights.

Her head turned towards the front door, seconds before a hoof knocked against the oaken slab. "Come in, Lyra!"

The door opened an a sea foam green unicorn waltzed in. "Hey Derpy! Ready for tonight?"

Derpy sighed before tossing a bag of blood over her shoulder, Lyra catching it and tearing into it greedily. "You know I'm not ready. I'm never ready!"

"Well duh, your too busy worrying about that kid of yours to focus on your work. Some days I think you should just tell her and let her run away in fear. Even kill her maybe!" Lyra said, having little time to react as a large vial of holy water smashed inches away from her head against the door. "Damn it, Derpy! I'm only bucking around! You don't have to be so serious all the time."

"You know damn good and well that I don't let anypony tell me what I should do with Dinky. I will tell her when she is good and ready for it." Derpy said as she walked over towards the far wall of her living room. "Now did you come here to give me a parenting lesson or are you going to keep watch while I'm out."

"A bit of both."

Derpy rolled her eyes before approaching the large hanging picture on the wall. It wasn't a very noticeable picture, save for the fact that it never seemed to be off center and was certainly the focal point of the room. It was Derpy's favorite picture, a snapshot of her and Dinky playing on a beach near Horseshoe Bay, one of the few days that she wouldn't ever forget. She smiled a bit as she reached towards her left eye in the picture, her hoof pressing hard against it as she began to turn it. Her hoof followed the contour of the eye as it rotated around, the pupils now aligned differently then her eyes, the way a normal ponies would be. A small hiss of air escaped from behind the fireplace on the other side of the room as the eyes in the picture started to glow a deep red.

Derpy walked hastefully across the room as the fireplace began to move apart, bricks turning in every which way as it slowly opened to a room behind it. Derpy walked through the hearth as the fire began to rage behind her. She walked down the few steps and into the secret room. The walls of the room were lined with many guns, bows, and supplies that aided her in her hunts. She grabbed a few vials of holy water, a few silver tipped stakes, and some ammunition and loaded them into a black leather holster that she slung over her body and tightened against her. She reached for two silver pistols from the nearby shelf and loaded them into the holster, along with a couple of light grenades and a few prayer sheets. She walked further on down the rows of weaponry before stopping at her prized possesion for her evening activities. A gift from the only two ponies who understood what she was without fear, a sword.

From a passing glance it wasn't much to look at if you saw it flash by, but a passing glance was all that most ponies saw. The blade itself was a very thin and very sharp black carbon wrapped in a heavy plating of silver. Along the sides, several rows of ancient Equestrian prayers were engraved, hidden amongst the layers of black paint. The sword had been blessed by  several priests and soaked for many years in holy water. The forger even went so far as to mix garlic into the molten metal. It was a leathal demon slaying machine in Derpy's hooves.

Derpy pulled down the blade and put it in its sheath before grabbing the high collared red and black leather jacket from a hook on the wall. "I'm ready."

She walked out of the room and through the flames, her eyes a hellish red and her fangs hanging a few inches long from her muzzle, and darted towards the door. She gave a quick glance back towards Dinky's room before vanishing into the night.

Night time in Ponyville was alot more active than most ponies thought. For a rural town it had almost as many nightclubs as Manehattan, most of which were underground "Ghoul Spots", places for the supernatural ponies of Equestria to come and relax. Derpy knew them all well, and tonight there was one of them that wasn't just a run down dive, but was a place full of friends and enemies alike.

No sooner than Derpy's hoof touched the door of the Blast Ended Bar, a nightclub that was hidden below the house of Berry Punch, did the heavy sound of metal leak out from the small crack under the door. It was these kinds of nights that she loved the most. She didn't know why but she felt at home amongst the ear shattering electric sounds of metal. It was...comforting.

The inside of the Bar was more like a rave. Ponies were grinding up against one another,  the stench of sweat and...dirty unmentionables... overpowering Derpy's senses. The mosh pit near the stage was in full swing as the band played on, "dancers" swinging around and teasing every mare and stallion they could from their poles onstage. The bartenders poured everything from simple hard ciders to more..specialty drinks.

Derpy walked up to the bar and sat on a stool at the farthest end, closest to the door.

"What can I do for ya this evening, miss?" The bartender said as he walked down to her end.

"Nothing tonight, Suds. I'm here on business."

"Business, huh. Whatever you say. Just keep it as clean as possible, Derpy. Don't want a mess like last time."

"No promises."