John Sampson Returns Chapter Four

“Your tea is ready, Your Majesties.”

“Damn you, John. This is your one great failing.”

“You can go back to sleep, Cadance. But I promise you that the show will be well worth the effort. Didn’t Twilight tell you about her experience?”

“Yes she did. But why can’t we have the same experience for lunch?”

“We already have another experience scheduled for lunch.”

“Okay, that’s a reason.”

Toilet is toilet and very necessary. A little stretch and a good shake leaves me ‘dressed’ to go. There are advantages to wearing fur and feathers.

At the kitchen table, “Cadance, Sam is going to meet us here and be my guide/aide for the morning. He is deciding if he wants to commit to this level of service and a chance to ascend. He may be a little shook after last night. I told him to bring his marefriend and occupy one of the observation towers. We circled over that tower while the action was heaviest.”

Through fits of laughter, “Please, John, tell me you didn’t.”

“I can’t do that because I did, with intent and forethought. In fact, I am sure that a number of ponies watching from various points on the Castle can testify that it was a true and successful mating.”

Cadance is laughing so hard she is staggering when there is a knock on the door. I look then open it.

“Come on in, Sam. We were just talking about you.”

Glaring at me, he says, “We have something to talk about later today.”

Cadance just laughs harder and I begin to giggle.

“Sam, is your marefriend going to be at breakfast and is she still walking stiff?”

“Yes and yes. She has some questions for you.”

He’s glaring at Cadance now while Cadance continues to laugh.

“Sam, Cadance had nothing to do with it. By that stage of things I’m doing all of the flying. I chose our route. And Sam, get used to a complete lack of privacy. That’s life in the Royal Herd.”

He’s confused now, “But why did you do it? Do you think it’s funny to drip on commoners?”

“Sam, the Royal Herd has been sick for a few centuries now. I’m on a mission to cure it. Yesterday and today I am proving to every pony in the Crystal Empire that the Royal Herd is headed by a healthy Stallion who has without doubt covered their favorite Princess naturally and successfully. Getting you under extreme stimulation with your marefriend was just icing on the cake.”

Cadance has finally stopped laughing, “Sam, remember what my specialty is. And John is right, life in the Royal Herd is very different than you expect.”

I grin, “I told you that you are running with the big ponies now. Let’s go answer your marefriend’s questions.”

We go out the door and towards the center of the Castle, and down, and down, and down. I know we are below ground level when we begin to see Guardponies heading the same way. Everypony is headed for the same open door. Inside is a normal cafeteria style mess packed from wall to wall with ponies. There is one table with empty places near the front and it is occupied by the Pegasus mare from the balcony last night. We walk up to the window and place our orders. I get a large fruit bowl and a promise of chicken and cheese omelet soon.

As we turn toward the table, I ask, “Who is that, Sam?”

“That’s Captain Smooth Trail, my dam.”

This is going to be interesting.

“Hello, Ma’am. Do you mind if we sit here?”

“And what would you do if I refuse you permission?”

“Turn around and ask a pony finished with their breakfast if they would yield the table to us.”

She looks undecided then, “Sit.”

I remark, “It’s better this way. You need to talk and now is the best time.”

She glares at me and asks, “What’s this B S that you offered my colt godhood?”

I smile and direct at her, “First, I'm the Commandant of the Royal Guard and if I decide to reassign one of my ponies, I answer to nopony but my own conscience. Second, I’m foundation stallion of my herd and if I want to realign my stallions, I answer to no mare. Third, I am the most powerful wizard in Equestria and if I choose to offer anypony apprenticeship, that pony will accept or reject, succeed or fail, on the strength of their own will. Period.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I gave you the most functional answer that I have. The problem is that your question is incomplete. Before I can answer exactly, you need to define your terms. Specifically, what is godhood?”

I got in an apple and a bunch of grapes while she pondered the question.

Finally, sympathy overcomes me, “I don’t have an answer either. I can melt my name into the square using a beam from the sun. I can lift the castle and turn it to face the opposite direction. I can transform you into a stallion or a Unicorn in an instant. Am I a god? From my point of view, I’m an Earth pony that knows a lot of tricks. I did warn Sam that gods live in the bodies of ordinary ponies.”

I think I see a hint of a smile as she says, “I’m beginning to see why Sam likes you so much. Just what are you offering him?”

“I’m offering him a chance to work very hard while giving up most of life as he knows it with a possible outcome of ascension.

“What’s so special about ascension?”

“He’ll be a Royal and will know as many tricks as I do.”

“Even how to write his name in the sidewalk?”

“Or a mountain range.”

“How long will this take?”

“Probably about three centuries. When I designed my body, I specified that my progeny would have at least as much potential as I have but that they would take centuries to mature into their full powers so that they could gain the wisdom to temper the strength.”

Smooth Trail is nodding now, “If there were a god walking among us, I would want him to be like you.”

I smile, “Thank you. Does anypony else have questions?”

A shocking blue Unicorn mare speaks up, “Is Sam really going to be as strong as you?”

“I think so. You know, you could join him and be as strong as Cadance.”

A very startled mare asks, “How could that be possible? I have only four bands.”

“Filly, the horn grows to match the will and strength of the individual. All you have to do is apply yourself and you can have as much horn as you want.”

“How much horn did you start with and how much do you have now?”

“I’m an Earth pony so I started with no horn. My daily horn is ten band and my battle horn is fourteen.”

Her eyes got big as she squeaked out, “And Sam is going to have a horn like that?”

I nod.

“Excuse me, Sir,” and she is up and out of the room in a flash.

Looking at Sam, I say, “Sorry, stud. She’s just not a big pony. I hope you have a backup because the next show is scheduled for lunchtime today. If you get the same observation post, you’ll get an eyeful this time.”

Smooth Trail is glaring at me again, “Is it necessary for the Royal Herd to act like silly juveniles?”

So I glare back, “In a word, yes. The Royal Herd has been crippled for centuries. I must prove beyond doubt that the core of the Herd is strong and healthy. Twilight has been very publicly covered and settled. Cadance is being very publicly covered and will be settled before I leave here. When I return to Canterlot, I will start with Luna though I don’t know if she will choose fertility.”

“Wait a minute. ‘choose fertility’?”

Cadance caught this one, “Yes. We Alicorns have complete control of our bodies and are fertile when we choose to be. And cloud dancing is our normal mating. You have wings, you should try it sometimes.”

Smooth Trail appears to be considering this idea, “It does look rather exciting, but I would need to find a stallion.”

Cadance grins, “You’ve got one eyeballing you right now. John has an extreme preference for strong mares, especially strong mares with ‘Trail’ in their name.

Smooth Trail is puzzled, “But wouldn’t that take him away from his time with you?”

Cadance smiles wide, “Honey, I’ve been one of the six mares he easily handled at the peak of spring estrus. He’s a lot of stallion.”

Damn you Cadance. I’ve got wing and tail action in half the room. I’ve got to shut this down.

Forcefully, I declare, “Cadance, dammit, let me get to know the mare before you trade me off.”

Cadance is still grinning, “I know her well enough. You two will make exactly the foals that the Empire needs.”

Turning to face Smooth Trail, I say, “Cadance is right that you interest me greatly but I have obligations that must come first. When those obligations are done, which should be way before spring, I would like to date and maybe more. The choice is yours.”

Smooth Trail says carefully, “I’m very intrigued by you. You are not like most stallions but I think I like the difference. I would be honored to date you whenever you are available.”

A strange gurgling sort of noise has been creeping into my awareness so I look toward it and observe Sam having what looks like a seizure.

I ask, “Sam, are you alright?”

Sam stares at me, “You’re hitting on my dam right here in the middle of breakfast!”

Sighing, “Sam, it’s what Cadance does. It’s her calling. And you will generally find that you are much happier to go along with it.”

Cadance just grins and I finally get to finish my breakfast while the youngsters mill around and dream. After everypony is done, I collect the trays and send them back to the kitchen.

“Come on, Sam. I’d like to do a little sightseeing before the bank opens,” as I stand and start for the door.

Smooth Trail has another idea, “John, Sam has some personal matters that need attention. Maybe I could substitute as your guide?”

I smile, “I’d like that but there will be some work afterwards. And I would like to call you Smooth while we are private.”

She smiles back, “Of course to both. What would you like to see?”

“You tell me, what’s the most interesting sight at this time of the morning.”

She’s really happy now, “I know just the thing. It will take a little flying but I’m not worried about that at all. Just follow me.”

As we exit, I turn and salute the room. We go up the stairs and out onto the square. The moon is low but there is enough light for easy navigation. Our course is north and up.

Smooth explains, “We should get to the top of the big mountain before the sun rises. The light will sweep down into the town and Castle shining off of and through all of the many facets. It’s like the world’s biggest upside down fireworks.”

We make it to the peak in time and wait, hovering.

“Smooth, that cloud dance is getting more interesting by the minute. You’re stronger than Sam by quite a bit. In fact, I bet you could ascend with very little extra effort.”

“John, are you serious?”

“Completely. You won’t wake up one morning as the newest Princess but will be on that path. When we have some quiet time indoors, I will show you what it’s like to have a horn and maybe give you a little push toward having your own.”

“Could you do that, John? I mean what can you do that will let me see things I am blind to.”

“Easily. That’s one of the fun things you can do with a horn. We will look like we are sleeping side by side to the outside world but we will be exploring my mind and yours. You can experience me using my horn as though you are me and I can copy the things you need to safely use a horn into your mind.”

“You make using a horn sound complicated.”

“It is. It will be as complicated as learning to fly but because you already have adult strength, much more dangerous. That’s why I’ll give you a horn bud. It will take years to grow into fully functional horn but you will need those years to learn how to use it without destroying the Castle.”

“John, do I have enough years for all of this?”

“Of course. One of the first effects your horn will have is to slow your aging. By the time it is fully mature, your body will be regenerating itself and you will have your youth back.”

“John, do you get a feeling something is wrong?”

“Yes I do. What is bothering you?”

“I looked at the clock before we left and noted that would have to fly fast to make it here before the sun rose. We’ve been here a while and still no sun.”

“I’m feeling an undefined disturbance of some kind involving the sun. I need a solid place to stand. Where is the closest?”

She flies straight to an outcropping of rock jutting out of the snow and ice like a ship’s prow. I land and set my feet.

“Smooth, go behind the mountain. I mean all the way behind and don’t come out until I call you. There may be a very large backlash.”

I give her half a minute then I form my magic into a solid bar and reach for the sun.

CONFUSION! Conflict! FEAR! Two distinct personalities are fighting over the sun.

I direct the full force of my magic at them: STOP!!!

“Come to me, Old Friend. Ignore them all and I will protect you.”

JOY! LOVE! Strength! Happiness!

I raise the sun and feel the love and strength flooding into me.

“Calmly, Old Friend. The crisis is over. Listen to me and no other and I will keep you safe.”

Agreement! Happiness!

“Have a normal happy day. I’ll keep a check on you or you can call me any time. And I need the clock to be sure I get the times right.”

Suddenly I know exactly how many seconds to sun lowering. Looking around, I realize that there is nothing but bare burned rock for hundreds of yards in every direction. I take off and head around the mountain.

“Smooth! Are you alright? Where are you?”

“I’m here but I’m having trouble seeing. That was bright even through the mountain.”

“Just keep talking, I’ll find you. Never mind, I see you now. Steer a little left, you’re getting close to the mountain.”

“Okay, John. I guess something went wrong with the sun and you fixed it?”

“Kinda. Celestia and somepony else was fighting over control of the sun. The sun was becoming extremely frightened and upset. I shut them down then told the sun to come to papa. You don’t have to fly, Smooth. I’m going to keep my magic on you anyway.”

She relaxes and lets me support her.

“John, my eyes are getting better but I still can’t look at you. What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry. I forgot. That’s my official sun god raiment. I just took the job over from Celestia.”

I concentrate and turn the brightness way down.

“Smooth, I’m going to teleport us to the square.”

And we are there looking up at the Castle and ponies running everywhere.

“I’m going to levitate us to the big balcony. I need to see if there is any message from Twilight.”

Cadance and Twilight are waiting there for us. Twilight looks like she got caught in a stampede.

Twilight bursts out as soon as she sees me, “Why did you have to hit her so hard? Half of the Sister’s Balcony is gone.”

“Twilight, honey, all I sent was a full force ‘stop’ command. Then I took control of the sun. However, if you go look out of the other side of the Castle, that mountain that used to have a peak is where I was standing. It is the most incredible luck that Smooth wanted to show me the sunrise over the Crystal Empire from there. If I had been on the balcony, where I would have gone under any other circumstances, the Crystal Empire would have been destroyed.”

Cadance is staring at me, “John, no bullshit, was that an accident?”

Carefully, I reply, “I can’t be sure one way or the other right now but I am sure that it can’t happen again because I now have complete and exclusive control of the sun. What I will do is go to Canterlot and find out.”

Twilight moved toward me, “I’m going with you.”

“You most certainly are not. The two mares and two foals right here are the future of the Royal Herd and Equestria, they will not be put at risk. Period. If you try, I will clip your wings.”

Twilight starts swelling up and preparing her argument.

“NO!” and I stomp my foot hard enough to shake the Castle.

A much meeker Twilight says, “Yes, sir.”

“I’ll send Luna here as soon as I can. I expect her to be injured. You need to be ready to receive her and an unknown number of other injured. Now stand back.”

I turn my sun regalia up to full strength and reach for Canterlot. Coming out two thousand yards above the throne room, I survey the damage. Celestia’s end of the Sister’s Balcony is laying in the courtyard, in pieces. There’s a hole in the side of the Castle too. Lots of windows are broken and small stones are scattered. Ponies are working frantically to clear the rubble.

I land carefully on Luna’s end of the balcony, turn my brightness back down, and make my way down to her quarters.

“Luna! Are you here, Luna?”

Getting no reply, I look quickly around and spot a huddled shape in her bedroom. It’s Luna. I can find no trauma but she’s unconscious and not responding. I carefully wrap her in my magic and teleport straight to Twilight and Cadance.

“She was laying in her bedroom looking exhausted but nothing else. Take care of her. I’m going back.”

I teleport back to the Throne Room in Canterlot. Ponies are running around.

“Where’s Celestia?” I shout.

“All we know is that She was on the balcony.”

I sprint for the door to the courtyard and emerge to chaos. There is a large pile of blocks that used to be part of the balcony and ponies frantically trying to move the stones.

I order, “Everypony get back and clear the courtyard behind me.”

I start lifting and throwing blocks being careful to disturb the pile as little as possible. Near the bottom, I find Celestia. She is lucky in that two blocks have formed a cavity over her. She has suffered a lot of trauma getting there, though.

While I am pulling her out of the pile, she opens her eyes and greets me, “Hello, Friend John.”

I quickly put my horn to her head and met Luna on the white floor. I pump as much strength as I dare into her and begin to question her. It really is Luna even though the body is unquestionably Celestia. I pull up her body image and reload it. That takes care of the trauma but she is still very weak so I teleport us to Twilight’s Tower.

“Spike! Are you in here, Spike?”

No answer so I push two bean bags together in the main room and lay her on them. She needs care but nothing is immediate or critical so I would rather nopony know exactly where she is until I have an understanding of what just happened and who witnessed it. There are no blankets handy so I go up to the second floor to locate one. I’m on my way back when I hear a thumping noise. It’s coming from a closet and the closet door is merged with the wall. I restore its status as a door and open it to find a very upset Spike.

“John! Where is Twilight? Celestia has gone mad and thinks the entire Royal Herd is out to get her. She locked me in there when I tried to warn Twilight.”

“Twilight is in the Crystal Empire but I’m not sure where Celestia is. Celestia’s body is downstairs but it’s not Celestia in it.”

We hurry downstairs with the blankets and I cover . . . Luna?

“Spike, I’ve mind walked and there is no doubt that is Luna laying there. I left Luna’s unconscious body with Twilight so I’m going back there fast. Please watch over Luna until I can get back.”

I had a flash of paranoia at the last second so I teleported to mid air over the Crystal Castle. Looking down, I can see Twilight and . . . Luna? locked in a magic battle. I kick my speed and strength up then solidify my magic on my horn. Teleporting from mid air to the balcony floor beside Twilight, I join my magic to her’s. Our opponent is indisputably Celestia. Together, we quickly overcome Celestia and block her from control of her magic and body. Then we begin a careful examination of Celestia’s memories to try to determine what went wrong.

We are holding Celestia between us on her white floor. The first thing I look at is body images and I find two, Celestia and Luna. Carrying my file browser pattern a step farther, I call up properties on both images. The Celestia image is millennia old but the Luna image has only been there for hours.

“Celestia, this is my area of expertise. Surely you didn’t think you could away with it.”

Celestia is defiant, “Maybe not but I damned sure messed it up worse than you can fix. I’ll get the whole lot of you before it’s over.”

Twilight is curious, “John, do you understand what she’s done?”

I reply, “She’s trying to swap bodies with her sister. She thought she could copy Luna’s body and kill her so we would never question who she is. Her first mistake is leaving me wondering how anypony as powerful as Celestia could be killed by a few falling rocks. Her second mistake was failing to confirm the kill. Luna is alive and well in your tower with Spike. Watch while I restore everything.”

I start by uploading my Bud body into Celestia. When it’s completed, I change the cutie to three rosebuds and move the brown spots around to create a unique look. Naming the new body ‘Buddy’, I move Celestia into it then I start the Luna image downloading into me.

“This is your sentence Celestia. You will be an Earth pony broodmare on my farm until you have rested and recovered enough to convince me you are safe to restore to power. It’s not that bad a life, I certainly enjoyed it for four centuries.”

Confirming that I have a good copy, I delete the Luna image from Celestia’s list.

I ask, “Celestia, do you have any last requests? Anything you want us to take care of for you?”

Furiously, Celestia swears, “By every Power that exists, someday I will have my revenge on you!”

Twilight is shocked, “Why did you let her get away with that? She still has enough magic the throw a powerful oath.”

I sigh, “Did you see any ripple, Twilight? No. You know why? She’s already got her revenge. I’m committed to thousands of years of raising and lowering the sun every single day, the very thing that drove her mad.”

Blocking Celestia’s consciousness, I come out to check on everypony.

“How are we doing, Cadance, Smooth?”

Cadance is shocked, “What is going on, John?”

“That was Celestia gone completely mad. She tried to swap bodies with her sister as part of a plan to wipe out the entire Royal Herd. Now, she’s Buddy, the very same as Bud that I spent my time recuperating in. If you are up to it, I need a big favor. I left Luna with Spike in Twilight’s Tower. Luna will look like Celestia but that’s the next thing we’ll fix. Can you go get her and bring her here?”

“Certainly, John. Do you need anything else?”

“That will be plenty. Twilight, are you up to taking care of Canterlot? There is damage to the castle and surely some injured ponies. The Guard will need to see one of us in control as soon as possible.”

“Consider it done, John,” and Twilight teleports out.

“Smooth, I did promise you work. Grab some Guardponies and get the Empire calmed down. There are sure to be wild rumors arriving from Canterlot and that altered mountain is hard to hide. And get a big lunch sent here. I’m burning a lot of magic today.”

“What should I tell them, Your Majesty?”

“Tell them the truth, that Celestia has been the victim of a terrible illness and in her illness she has struck out blindly out those around her. Everything is under control now. Celestia is resting and there have been no deaths.”

I dive back in for some serious memory editing, blocking everything before this minute and allowing back enough common knowledge for daily life. Finally, it is done and I come out, releasing Buddy to consciousness.

“Hello, Buddy. How do you feel?”

Buddy looks at me with confusion, “Where am I? Who are you?”

I say slowly, “You are in the Crystal Palace and I’m Prince John. There was a terrible accident and you were badly hurt. We brought you here to heal you. Unfortunately, most of your memories were lost in the accident but we have a home for you while you rest and recover from your injuries. Why don’t you go to that table over there and get yourself some lunch?”

Buddy walks to the table and just looks confused. Smooth grabs a bowl and fills it for her.

I say, “Buddy, there are a lot of things you are going to have to learn all over again. Don’t worry about making a mess, somepony will be there to help.”

Stepping to where Luna is laying, still unconscious, with Cadance attending her I make the horn touch. She’s waiting for me on the white floor.

“How goes the battle, Friend John?”

“What battle? It’s all over but the crying and restoring your body. You and I will change the day to night in a few hours.”

“Where is my sister?”

“Celestia is taking an extended leave. For the next few centuries, you can call her ‘Buddy’ when you visit her on my farm.”

“John, is that really necessary?”

“No, it would have been much simpler to just kill her. Luna, I rescued you from the very brink of death. Your sister planned to steal your body so she could sneak up on and kill Twilight in the confusion after the complete destruction of the Crystal Empire. In other words, Celestia flipped completely out believing that we were all demons and she had to save Equestria from us.”

“That is hard to believe.”

“Just watch.”

I called up her body image and there was just one, Celestia. Properties says it dates from this morning.

“She knocked you out then swapped images with you and collapsed the balcony on you. If the stones hadn’t landed just right, you would have been very dead when I got to you.”

I upload Luna’s image and move her into it. Her reserves seem sufficient so I go looking for why she never regained consciousness. It turns out to be a block so it was just blind good luck that her concussion had interrupted it long enough for me to question her identity. I remove it and step out.

“Luna, how are you?”

Shakily, “Very upset, John. You are telling me that my own sister almost killed me?”

Sadly, I answer, “It’s in the nature of mental illness. She was completely sure that you are a demon that had replaced her sister. If you want to blame anypony, blame me. I knew this was coming and I kept saying ‘one more chance’.”

“We share that burden, John. I kept telling you that I would defend my sister. I had no idea that she was so ill and I have lived with her every single day for centuries.”

We hug and comfort each other. Taking the chance, I whisper in her ear, “That Earth pony by the lunch table is ‘Buddy’, a lot like ‘Bud’.”

Luna releases me and says, “I believe you are right, John. Lunch is overdue.”

Moving to the lunch table, Luna makes herself a bowl and smiles at Buddy, “Hello, Buddy. How’s your day going?”

Buddy looks worried, “You know my name but I don’t know yours and my day is being very confusing.”

Luna nods, “That’s because John just told me your name. My name is Luna.”

“Hello, Luna. Do you live here?”

Luna replies, “No, I live in Canterlot which is near John’s farm. Would you like me to drop you off on my way home?”

Very seriously Buddy replies, “I don’t know how far it is. It might be a long walk.”

“We don’t have to worry about that, Buddy. I have a special way to get there.”

When Luna looks up, I nod and say, “Whenever you are ready. Fred will be expecting you. Twilight is putting the Castle back together so I will see you on the balcony in a few hours if not sooner.”

Luna turns back to Buddy saying, “If you’ve had enough to eat, we can go to the farm right now. I’d like to spend a few minutes helping you get settled in.”

Buddy smiles, “Okay. I like you.”

The sisters make their way down the stairs and out across the square.

Cadance questions, “How is Luna going to walk that far?”

I grin, “She’s not. She’ll get Buddy out to a stretch of open road then she’ll distract her and teleport to the road in front of the farm. Buddy may never find out that the farm isn’t in the Crystal Empire. I think we missed our noon show but it would be kinda anti-climatic after this morning. Right now I need solid food and some rest but I had best get it in Canterlot. I have an obligation in a few hours.”