Author's Note

A few little notes going into this. We have an AU tag up there (glaring down at us with its abbreviated first word) so you know some things are going to be odd, and let's face it, this is a Damaged fic, so those changes are going to be weird. The following are spoiled—feel free to ignore them and move on to experience the full effect of a slightly different Equestria (just admire the pretty pictures).

(1)

• Firstly, ponies look different to how the show portrays them. It's the same world, with the same ponies in it, but for a good idea as to how they look I'd refer you to the pictures attached.
• Next we have ages. Ponies age much slower in this universe, with foals being foals right up until around the age of 50, then adults live for 200 or more years after that. Celestia and Luna? think tens of thousands of years old.
• Magic: as usual (for my stories), all the tribes of ponies have their own special magics they use, though unicorns and alicorns are the only ones to do so with flashy displays.

(2)

Support me on Patreon or fuel my writing on Ko-Fi!

Join me on Discord. Warning, said chat may contain NSFW material and should be considered adult in nature.

1. Source: https://twitter.com/MizDanaClaire/status/1031601145427292168
2. Source: https://www.deviantart.com/pedantia/art/Luna-and-Celestia-in-the-Nostrilverse-370446843

Chapter 1

Saffron Ree

IronBlade - Today at 3:44
Yeah
Ugh whats all this crap about

My friends loved poking me about my mom. Since all this crap with inter-dimensional horse people started, Mom was not just always busy, but TV busy. Candy had pasted another fucking video of a press conference in the chat.

Candy - Today at 3:44
but look at her!! pricess twilight is adorbs

IronBlade - Today at 3:45
Its a horse

Gravy - Today at 3:45
thats ur mom

IronBlade - Today at 3:45
fuck you gravy

The video kept playing. Mom was saying some crap about peace and harmony—which seemed to make the horse excited—and then the president stepped up to have his say. I paused it and tabbed back into my game.

Why couldn't the aliens have been cool? If movies had taught me one thing, it was aliens were supposed to be cool. Multi-colored horses? Totally not cool.

Chat overlay showed Candy and Gravy chatting about it. Candy's argument seemed to be that the horses were literally the "most adorbs thing eva", while Gravy tried to act tough while not offending Candy—he wanted to get into her pants so hardcore it was obvious, but she'd friendzoned him.

I ignored their shit, of course, and dunked my brain into the most perfect recreation of world war two that EA could make me spend money on this year. I did great, as always, cutting my way through Nazi-occupied France with just a pistol and a knife—because it was an achievement.

Reaching a save point, I noticed chat had stopped. Tabbing back I started laughing. Gravy and Candy had been talking about the horses, when Candy had mentioned she wanted to go there.

Gravy - Today at 4:22
ud die

Candy - Today at 4:22
wat

Gravy - Today at 4:24
u saw the tests
bunch of mice
fuckin
boom!

Candy - Today at 4:25
your and idiot
twilight will work out a way

Gravy - Today at 4:25
yeah
right
if theyr so smart
why r the talkin to america?

Candy - Today at 4:33
fuck you Gravy

Gravy - Today at 4:34
i wish

Just then a direct message beeped from Candy. I clicked it.

Candy - Today at 5:01
your back?

IronBlade - Today at 5:02
yeah
sup?

Candy - Today at 5:02
gravy is such an ass
whats his problem anyway

I couldn't help laughing. Was she really so clueless?

IronBlade - Today at 5:03
Hes into you

Candy - Today at 5:03
the fuck he is?
hes an asshole!
always sleezing

IronBlade - Today at 5:03
yeah got it bad for you

Candy - Today at 5:06
if he stopped bein such a poser i might just blow him to get it over with
fuck
i dont mean fuck him
this is stupid

IronBlade - Today at 5:12
but then ud have to put up with him talkin when u do it

Candy - Today at 5:12
🤣
srs
why guys gotta be such dics?

IronBlade - Today at 5:13
guys?
or just gravy?

Candy - Today at 5:15
mostly gravy
y?

IronBlade - Today at 5:15
coz u r wat u eat 😉

Candy - Today at 5:16
lol
u want one?

A more loaded question my seventeen-year-old brain had never encountered. The smart side of me insisted that Candy was playing me for a joke, but the seventeen-year-old part—which let's face it, is the majority—would not let me turn down the offer.

IronBlade - Today at 5:16
sure

Candy - Today at 5:18
call me when u want it
bye

The horny side of my brain: 1
Rational and nice teenager: 0

I tabbed back to my game and let the target of AAA game makers everywhere take my full attention.

Clair Ree

I ignored what my boss was saying. Probably no one else on the planet was, but I'd already read his speech—I had a hand in writing it, though not the whole thing—and my boss never went far off script. The President of the United States gave his smooth speech, promising the whole world that relations with Princess Twilight Sparkle were going well.

Question time was predictable. Our side asked all the questions we wanted asked, and the other side tried to play down everything and change the topic to import tariffs. My boss was having none of that.

While President Jeff Miller answered stupid questions (both sides were asking stupid questions), I stood behind and to the side of him with a pony princess at my side. Eyes forward, I ran through all the reports in my head. I smiled and compiled what I could without the use of my computer while Twilight held up great at my side.

The moment the president called an end to the press conference I let out a little sigh and turned.

"This is a lot like Equestria," Princess Twilight Sparkle said. "But not. You said their cameras can broadcast instantly?"

"The wonders of modern technology. Every little mistake and flaw seen by anyone and everyone in the world." As I spoke, I watched Twilight's eye twitch. Her huge eye. Ponies were almost in an uncanny valley—you could say they were overlooking it with an intent to go abseiling. "But don't you worry, it's us that half the nation hates."

Twilight held her reply until we were behind closed doors and away from the press. "I still have trouble understanding how you get anything done. Our leader, Princess Celestia, has been governing for over thirty-thousand years. Four just seems…"

It'd been a shock to find a race so long-lived. Princess Twilight Sparkle was entering her eighty-first year of age, but according to her this was barely into adulthood. Princess Twilight stood with her shoulders at my waist height, and her head coming up just below my chest. The most amazing wavy mane that had light peeking over darkness as a motif, trailed from her in a breeze that no one felt.

Now for the odd bits. Twilight Sparkle was a unicorn and a pegasus rolled into one. She had huge wings that tucked neatly to her sides, a horn on her head that had to be at least a foot long. Her face was—pardon the pun—long, but unlike a horse's head it tapered down all the way nearly to a point. A lion's was the best description for her tail—long and sinewy like a cat, the plume of wavy hair at the tip was like a big tuft. Each of her hooves had a tuft of fur growing where an intern (who had a history with horses) claimed was called her fetlock.

The most important aspect of Princess Twilight Sparkle, however, was her mind. Absolutely brilliant, she wasn't suited for politics at all—I would have wanted no better pony to have come over. She was a thinker and a doer, not a talker.

"It's enough for someone to do important things, but not long enough for someone to break everything. It suits us." Her comment broke my train of thought. Where was I? Smoothing negotiations of a permanent diplomatic mission on both sides of a magical teleporter. A year ago and I would have been sent to a special clinic for thinking that. "How have the experiments come along?"

"I'm not letting your people send anymore mice until I have the conversion spell in place. Complete discombobulation is not easy to clean up," Princess Twilight Sparkle said.

Discombobulation. A term that coined before any humans tried to go to Equestria—thankfully. Princess Twilight Sparkle had described it herself as the violent rejection of atoms from their bonds due to a gross incompatibility with reality shifting. I got to watch a video from a camera we sent, as a plastic cage holding a mouse was painted with the atomic substance of said mouse. Everyone was staring at the screen that day, and no one owned up to saying the word afterwards.

"I saw the videos. How long until the—the spell is done?" Just asking about magic was a tough call. It was hard to get my head around magic being just as real as physics and chemistry. Various churches around the world declared Twilight either an abomination or divine messenger, but I didn't have the luxury of using her—I had to work with her.

"Starlight Glimmer and Moon Dancer are working on it. The moment they have the design perfected, I will duplicate the work to this side, and then you can send those diplomats," Twilight Sparkle said.

"Exactly what I wanted to talk about, Clair, Princess," President Jeff Miller said as he closed the gap to us. "Clair, you know I need someone who I can trust to head this."

That moment when you have something already done that the most important man in the world needs was something I got more and more of as I got to know all of his foibles and habits. "Off course I do, Jeff. I have a short-list of—"

"I need someone who knows all the interests intimately. They must be prepared to deal with an alien world and alien culture, and they need to be able to get on well with ponies." Jeff sounded like he was working up to something—I had a terrible feeling I was going to have to write the list from scratch with the person he wanted actually on it. "Clair, I want you as our ambassador."

My legs stopped moving. I stared ahead to the end of the corridor and couldn't grasp what Jeff had said until my own lips repeated it. "You want me as the ambassador to Equestria?" It was a promotion, but also somewhat of a stagnation of my career—not that I wanted to go any higher, presidential aide was important and high enough to satisfy me.

"That sounds like a great idea!" Princess Twilight Sparkle said.

I ignored the bouncing pile of fluff that was the most important foreign dignitary we'd ever had to America, and looked at my boss. "Me? Why me?"

"Clair, I wouldn't be in this office if it weren't for you. I trust you like I trust my own voice. If I tell you I want something discussed, it will get discussed exactly how I want it to. The whole world is watching me—us—and I intend to put the most capable and desirable candidate forward as my choice," President Jeff Miller said. "And I read all the briefings you wrote. None of the candidates you suggested are female."

It was obvious I hadn't made the list broad enough. I could still fix this. "Sir,"—Jeff knew I got serious about something when I didn't use his name—"I will refuse this, officially. I have a family—it's not just Philip and myself anymore."

"You have foals?!" Twilight looked surprised. "Oh. The age differential again. Sorry."

"I'm sure Princess Twilight Sparkle would be able to make a promise that your children receive proper schooling." When Jeff started fishing for solutions like that—without making them a question—I knew his mind was made up.

"Stop, sir." I took a deep breath. "Jeff, tell me you can't think of a single other human being for this job."

Jeff Miller paused and looked me right in the eyes. "Clair Ree, you are the best hope for this not getting a cultural spanner thrown in the works. We have an alien species and an agenda to get through the next ten years without wanting to blow one another up or sever all ties. You have my word—I have never met someone more qualified to ensure peace is the result of this."

I was still angry, and I know I don't think well when angry. I closed my eyes and counted down from a thousand, but when that only made me more angry (this time at numbers), I shortened it to ten. As my campaign manager had told me—when I'd made the idiotic decision to run for the senate—suck it up, Buttercup.

"You're angry?" Princess Twilight Sparkle asked.

I looked at the pony standing beside me and shook my head. "Not anymore. Now I'm just a few steps above annoyed." I turned my attention from Twilight to my boss. "I'm going home now, sir, and I'll be bringing my whole family to meet you.

"When we get here, you are going to make room to speak to them. I don't care what your schedule is—Caroline can change it—you are going to speak to my kids and my husband, and you can convince them I need to go."

I worked for Jeff Miller for exactly two reasons. He was honestly doing good things for not just America, but the world, and Jeff Miller was charismatic as all hell—not that he needed to be after the last incumbent.

"That's the reason why I want you in this position, Clair. How many people do you think could convince the president of the United States to explain to their children why they need to get a promotion?" Jeff Miller asked.

"I already voted for you, Jeff. You don't need to butter me up any more. So, Princess Twilight—" I said.

"Please. Just Twilight is fine." Just Twilight looked like she was heartily sick of the title.

Given that I'd been working with her for several weeks, and would likely be working with her for years to come, I decided to start my new role early. "Of course, sorry. Twilight,"—I paused and caught her smile—"do you have a rough estimate of how long before a human can safely go through the portal?"

Portal, of course, is the officially recognized name for it, but it was simply a complicated pattern drawn onto concrete with magic. It was under armed guard—of course—since it's technically a border. At least two interns wanted to call it a stargate, but the president had vetoed that—claiming it looked nothing like a stargate. (When word got out that Jeff was actually a fan of the show, his opinion poll jumped nearly three percent.)

"Once Starlight and Moon Dancer have the spell complete, we can run some tests with it. If those work—You get the idea. I'm expecting them to have it done any day now," Princess Twilight Sparkle said.

I left the White House and made my way home. Thanks to beating the end-of-work-rush, I made better time than I had been of late. It was just as well there was less traffic on the road, I was a touch distracted with the bombshell Jeff had dropped on me.

Somehow, I made it back home in one piece. I pulled into the garage and no sooner was I out of the car than I was caught. Strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me against a muscled body. I responded as any woman would—I kissed my husband.

The kiss dragged on, but was destined to end at some point. "Family meeting," I said at the end.

"How serious?" Philip asked. His hands stayed around me, our bodies pressed together at the hips—if this was any other day, I might have let him take things further.

"How do you feel about moving?" As soon as I asked, his eyes went wide. Our house wasn't just paid off, it was where we'd raised our kids and established our family. Yes it cost an arm and several legs, but it was more than just a dollar value. "That serious. Are the kids home?"

"Saffron's upstairs in his room, Riley's watching cartoons. I'll get Saffron," Philip said, and finally let me go.

I took the time to watch my husband's muscled butt until he entered the house—though I was sorely tempted to stride up behind him and give it a squeeze. With a little laugh I shook my head and followed him. So much for my doctor telling me my sex drive would go down. Healthy living and a husband who deserves a wife who keeps in shape had, at least as far as I could tell, held back menopause despite my broaching fifty.

Our daughter, Riley, was laying on the couch typing on her phone while the TV blasted some cartoon. "You're home early," she said.

Walking over, I held out my hand for the remote. "Family meeting time. Your father's gone to get Saffron."

With the ever-suffering sigh of almost-teens everywhere, my daughter passed me the remote control. "How big?"

"Defcon one." When I said it she sat up, though somehow her thumb kept tapping the phone, sending the last message—I hoped.

Sure enough, her phone dropped to her lap as she looked up at me. "Not—like—real defcon one?"

"As far as the family is concerned, it is. But, you all have a decision to make."

"A decision about what?" Saffron asked.

My son was a bit of a geek, though thanks to Phillip's pushing, Saffron hadn't succumbed to the normal trappings of the culture. I hadn't named him Saffron just to ensure he got bullied (though he claimed otherwise). The truth was his pregnancy had been a rough one, and a nurse had brought me the birth certificate to fill in before all the medication had worn off—Saffron had promised me he would get his name changed the moment he turned 18.

"Park your keister, mister," I said, and miracle of miracles, he did. "I got a promotion."

Philip and Riley both broke into big smiles the moment I'd said it, but Saffron just narrowed his eyes. I was distinctly proud of my boy in that moment. "I thought you said you wouldn't get a promotion from this position?" Saffron asked.

"I shouldn't have. But this is unique. Jeff asked me to be the ambassador to Equestria." Nothing else I could have said would have silenced the room so much. "It would mean moving—"

"To Equestria?!" Riley started bouncing in place. Of all my family, none had reacted so positively to the existence of ponies—Equestrian ponies that is.

"Yeah. Fuck that," Saffron said.

My glare didn't do a thing to penetrate Saffron's attitude—he glared back in full support of his expletive. It would have been easier to stare him down if I hadn't almost said the same to the president of the United States. "That was my first answer, though without so much swearing."

"Jeff talked you into it?" Phillip asked me, and got a nod.

"But there is one provision. We're going to meet with Jeff—just the four of us—and he's going to talk to you about why he thinks we should do it," I said.

"So you're getting him to tell us what's up, then you'll ignore us and move anyway. Why're you even bothering?" Saffron asked.

I crouched before the couch, my head at the same level as Saffron's. "So you can tell the president to shove it." I reached a finger up and booped my shocked son on the nose.

Saffron's mouth curved into a smile, which spread all the way to his eyes. I could see a glint that told me he was going to have a lot of fun before the day was out. "You're going to let me tell your boss to shove his idea in a fire-ant nest?"

My nod earned me a hug from Saffron. It was good to get a sign that my "little boy" still loved me, even if it took giving him the chance to swear at a world leader to do it. "So. Want to see where I work?"

With a groan, Saffron pulled back from me. He rolled his eyes so hard I thought he'd suddenly turned into a slot machine. "Sounds boring, but so long as I get to tell the president to shove off I can deal with it."

"Will we get to meet Princess Twilight?!" Riley asked. "Please?!"

"If we get moving quickly, she might still be there." There was nothing else I could have said that would have gotten Riley moving so fast. As she jumped up, I reached a hand out and got hold of her phone. "But no telling anyone about this. At all. Got that?"

"So," Saffron said, "if I texted someone about it, would that get us out of going?"

Philip rescued me from the devious mind of our seventeen-year-old. "It would get you grounded without internet."

I managed to keep the smirk I felt from my face—diplomat skills. "You know I don't normally bring work home, but can I ask you this once to keep this quiet?" When both children nodded, internal-me breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay. Last one in the car's a—"

"Can I play one more match?" Saffron asked.

A no was right on the tip of my tongue. The game he played took around half an hour to play single match, and that was time Jeff would be waiting for us. Jeff was waiting. "Sure. Only a quick one." The glint in Saffron's eyes told me he knew exactly how much BS I was selling.

"You're the best, Mom." Saffron jumped up and was heading back toward the stairs before he'd even finished speaking.

I passed the remote back to Riley and, when she looked up at me to take it, smiled. "Don't tell anyone. Got that?" I asked.

"Yes, Mom," Riley said, her hand taking the remote.

"No internet means no phone also." As soon as the words sunk into her head, I could see real terror. Never before had there been an age when a mother could strike such fear into their children. "Don't forget to get ready, you're going to meet a princess." There was nothing I could have said to spurn my twelve-year-old to action so quickly.

"I need clean socks! I can't meet a pony princess in dirty socks!" Riley said, and she too rushed from the room.

"You'll give her mood whiplash like that." Philip was ready with another hug as I turned around.

I sank into his arms—aware that for at least a few minutes we were alone. "She's young. She'll recover. You didn't say anything at the meeting." I kissed along Philip's jaw, and the closeness of him stirred my body as much as ever. Philip's Mediterranean heritage kept his hair from graying for longer, but there was still a hair here and there. His gray eyes twinkled with just as much vim as he'd had almost twenty years ago—when Saffron was still just a "plan for the future."

This wouldn't last, though. Everything I read told me that my Scottish lineage had no special resistance to the onset of age, but I didn't care now—right this minute I was twenty-something again, and I ground my hips against my husband's.

"Trying to distract me?" Philip asked. "Distractions work wonders."

I could feel that. Pressed to him as I was, I could definitely feel that. "Maybe."

"So what will happen? We get to live in the magical pony land and watch as you make history?" he asked.

"Something like that. There would be a conversion—you saw the leaked experiment video? Living creatures from here don't do well there." I turned my head to the side and leaned on his shoulder. "Twilight is trying to make something to do the conversion—at least she has some people working on it."

Philip's chest almost bounced with his laughter. "What? We get turned into ponies by magic?"

"I don't know. We could ask Twilight when we get there—the White House, not Equestria." Holding still, I let the stress of the day ease out slowly while I leaned on Philip.

"You've agreed?"

I nodded against his shoulder. "But with the proviso you all have to agree. Hence, why I told Jeff he has to convince you."

"But you think you need to be there?" Philip seemed stuck to the question and rephrasing it—he would have had a career as a reporter with that determination.

"We are dealing with an alien species that—any time they wish—can just cut off contact with us. The whole world is watching America handle this, and Jeff doesn't trust anyone but me. There's only one person better than me who could go, but he's currently the president," I said.

"I didn't just marry you for your looks, Clair Ree." Philip tilted his head and kissed the top of my head. "Jeff wouldn't be able to convince me to go, but you already have."

There was something immensely humbling about my husband that always reminded me how lucky I was to find him. "And, we know Riley's response." Philip didn't say anything. He just let me reason it out. "So that leaves our future in the hands of a seventeen-year-old who is neck-deep in a rebellion phase."

"The president of the United States, the ultimate authority of the country, has to convince Saffron that this is right? Can we bring popcorn?" Philip asked.