Philip Ree

I could just stare at Saf for a few moments. This wasn't his fault—probably wasn't even Clair's—but it's what was happening. "Did she say anything else?" It was probably too much to ask that she'd be coming back on weekends. Campaigning, I know, was a 24/7 job.

"She's having to delegate her work here to Mrs. Maxwell. She sounded weary, Dad. I don't think she wanted to do this one." He looked and sounded sincere. "I kinda liked visiting, but everything that's important to me is here now. I mean, everything that isn't Mom or Riley."

Before coming to Equestria, he wouldn't have admitted that if I'd paid him. "I'm with you there, Saf. So, what do you think we should do with ourselves? I've been working on learning more magic from Moon, she—" The look he shot me made me think I'd gone too far. "Too far?"

He just laughed and shook his head. "No, Dad. It's just you've always been there, you know? Well, here. Home. If someone had asked me five years ago if my dad would be learning magic, I'd have laughed at them. Ugh, I'm messing up this big motivational speech. Dad, I know you can do anything. You raised me and Riley, and we turned out pretty good."

"Thanks, Saf. You want to know my inspiration for it?"

"This better not be something sap—"

I bopped him in the shoulder with a hoof. "You, Saf. You've changed so much here, grown so much despite people seeing you as being younger, and it makes me proud and inspired. I'm a victim of my own successful parenting."

"Ugh. Dad!" Saf jumped up and walked to the kitchen. "I'm going to get a drink and go for a fly. Earth air is a little harder to fly in, for some reason, and I had to use magic to do some basic stuff."

"So, maybe treat it like high-altitude training? Working harder physically to do the same work as normal means you tend to build up all the right muscles for doing that task." In the back of my mind I weighed and measured everything I could hear him using to make a sandwich. The bread, the spread of mayo on each slice, the cheese, and even the fish he put on it. All perfectly within a young adult's dietary needs, particularly for a pegasus.

It was something I couldn't switch off. Planning meals and helping to maintain their health was literally my special talent.

"I guess so, but I could always just fly to high altitude and get the same effect here. More height is always safer, too."

That was something I still didn't get my head around. I could see why it would be, sure, but watching him fly higher and higher just made me feel more anxious. But, in the end, I had to trust that his instructors knew what they were doing. "That still doesn't feel right, but I trust you to know."

"See? That's what makes you the best dad." Saf walked back into the living room with his sandwich held in the feathers of one wing. "Even the parts of me you don't get, you accept."

I felt blessed that he understood that. All those years working to raise a teenager for the time he would eventually realize that life isn't a game but a struggle, and he had to become younger to figure it out. Or older. I still couldn't make heads or tails of how that was working.

Two weeks had passed since Clair sent word she was going to be on the campaign trail again. Two long weeks for me. I had been fooling myself—stallion sex drive is definitely a thing and it was definitely becoming a problem.

I'd tried long, cold showers, running around until I was exhausted, and even taking care of things myself (the last one teaching me another lesson in why you don't use magic on sensitive places), but nothing had worked. Cold showers still required time to blow-dry, running was putting extra muscle on my frame, and the last one had almost caused what I found out was called magic burns.

"Saf, can you spot me a day?" This was unbearable. Just the thought of visiting Earth was making me aroused. I'd have to wear some kind of cloak to keep myself presentable.

"Sure, Dad." He looked up at me with a bit of confusion on his face. "Is there a problem?"

"I need to go and talk to Clair. Just—" I closed my eyes and tried to think about anything else. "Sorry, it's something I should have sorted out with her a week ago."

Grabbing a cloak and leaving the house, I had to try not to gallop to the chancery. They had started seeing more traffic of late, now that Twilight Velvet had set up a place for ponies to stay comfortably in D.C., and given my position I was allowed a trip to Earth to talk to Clair.

"You know, now that the process of teleporting to and from Equestria and the transmogrification is understood, they're opening up tourism from Earth." Helen Maxwell was giving me the full VIP treatment, leading me to the teleportation platform herself. "If you could find out when Clair will be back, I'd appreciate it."

I bit my lip to keep from saying, You and me both. "I'll try to. When's the next transmit window?"

"F-Five minutes." Her tone was off. I casually looked at Helen and saw her nostrils twitching. Fuck.

This was getting to the point of embarrassment. At least on the other side human noses would be less able to pick that scent up. I waited, feeling uncomfortable not just because I smelled like a stallion in rut, but because Helen was female—dammit.

By the time I could use the pad, I was trying to stand as far away from Helen as possible. I took up my place on the far edge of the pad from the controls, and gave her a strained smile before she hit the button.

The rush of magic around me, now that I understood what it was doing, was amazing. For the first time since Clair had been away, I could feel myself distracted from my needs—and it ended all too soon. Appearing on the pad in D.C., I looked around at the people and ponies present. "I need to see my wife."

Arriving, I looked around to see if I recognized anyone. I spotted a young man with a clipboard. That meant he was either in charge of something or he had information. I advanced on him and asked, "Where's my wife, Clair Ree? I need to speak to her urgently."

"S-Sir, she's at a rally in Phoenix. If it's urgent, we can get you on the next plane there, but by the time you arrive she'll be halfway to L.A." He looked left and right for help. "I could arrange a video call?"

"Yes!" So close and so far, I wondered for a moment how much effort it would be to teleport to Arizona. Way—too—much. "Please, it'd mean a lot to me."

Everything was going by in a blur. They escorted me to a private room in the building that'd been erected for the portal, and soon I was being patched through on a little teleconferencing machine. Eventually, finally, and with great relief I saw Clair's face appear. "Clair!"

"Phil? You look as bad as I feel. What's wrong?" Her voice, despite obvious strain, sounded happy to see me. Or was that just my damn libido thinking for me?

"Promise you won't laugh?"

She looked concerned now. "Philip?"

"I—I need you. I need you so much I—" Squeezing my eyes closed, I tried to breathe evenly—and completely sucked at it. "Clair, they were right, and I never realized how amazing you were at taking care of me."

I unloaded. I told her all the thing I wanted and needed, I told her how amazing she was, how sexy she was, and finally whined at length about how much I needed her with me. By the time I was done I slumped against the desk and stared at her in longing.

"We talked about this, Philip. We might have just been joking at the time, but do you think you could—"

I could hear the strain in her voice trying to tell me what I should do. "No. No I won't do that. I—Doesn't Twilight Velvet have a hotel here in D.C.?"

"Yeah. She might have ponies there who—"

"No, not what I mean. Surely I'm not the only stallion who doesn't want to cheat on his wife? I'll go there, ask her what I can do. She—She of all ponies would know." I hated that I was here—so far away from Clair—and had to go and ask someone how ponies masturbate.

"But if you need to, if you can't find any other way, have Twilight Velvet find you somepony."

Clair's sigh was drowned in my gasp. "No, Clair, that's not what I want. How long until you're back in D.C.?"

"This tour goes north to Flagstaff, then to Holbrook, down to Tucson, and then we're flying back. It will be a week."

"What if I meet you in Holbrook—if I can't get help?" I clung to the idea that maybe I could take the edge off with something, then meet up with her.

"Saffron's holding down things at home, I take it?"

I waved a hoof in the air. "I asked him to, but I—I should go home." It all seemed wrong. What I'd done, where I was, this whole situation. "I'm an idiot."

"No you're not. You just had to deal with something intrinsic to your body for the first time ever. Philip, this would be easier if I wasn't surviving on five hours sleep a day, but this wasn't your fault." Her voice. I just wanted her more and more as she spoke, and it was starting to smell in here. "Go home, find Night Light, and ask him for help."

"For—For help? You mean I should—?"

"Ask him for tips on how to get relief when his wife is away."

Her words made more sense than what I was thinking. I shoved what I was thinking aside and focused on this new task. "S-So I'll just go back, I guess."

"Talk to Helen. We'll sort out when we'll be back in D.C. and you can come and visit me then, okay?"

Just the thought of that made me ache a little more. "Y-You realize I'll ravish you, right?"

"Philip, I wouldn't have you any other way."

My head fell forward against the screen at hearing that. The smell in the room was horrid, but I wanted to spend as much time talking to Clair as I could. "I love you."

"When this is over, I'm coming home and we'll get a sitter for a week and find a hotel somewhere." She let out a wistful sigh. "And I love you too."

We ended the call there before I actually made a mess and smell in the small room. Making my exit, I looked around the hallway before I spotted my escort from earlier. "I need to go back to Equestria." It sounded lame, but the guy actually smiled.

"I don't know how you do it. My wife works, sure, but she's home every night. I don't know if I could stand being away from her for weeks or months." He took a step to lead the way. "We've been expanding the magic capture system and have been able to increase the rate of teleports each day. Since you don't need transmogrification, that makes it much easier to squeeze you in on a return."

It was nice to hear words of support, but that didn't help my situation any. "Thanks."

My hoof shook from knocking a second time. I had no idea what to do if he didn't answer. I was stuck and now it was another half a day since talking to Clair and things weren't better—the exact opposite.

When he opened the door, I was halfway turned around to leave. "Philip? What've you done to—Come inside, please." I couldn't help but notice his nostrils twitch.

As soon as the door closed behind me I noticed the smell start to grow more concentrated again. "Sorry to come here, but I didn't know where else to go. Clair is out of town, and will be for a few months still, and I—I don't know what to do."

"And you don't want to try one of the bars." The way he said it, I knew it wasn't a question. He seemed to be working through is thoughts to come up with a solution. "My son was the same way. Can you believe he saved himself for Cadance? It shocked her, but I think they both fit so well it's impossible to say he did anything wrong."

"Night, I need help. I can't go to anypony for help with this, I need—I just need a way to get relief."

"Relax, I know exactly what you need. They're not cheap, but we got one for Shining when he came of age and it served him well enough." He walked past me toward the door. "You can come too, if you'd like, but I'd recommend you wait here. A stallion smelling as you do invites—the curious and excitable."

"W-Would it be better if you bring it to my house?"

Night paused, his magic grasping the door handle. "Philip, do you really want to go home like this? I'll set it up in the basement, you can try it out to take the edge off, and then clean up and take it home."

I almost slumped in place. Stinking like a rutting stallion and already a little rubbery down below, I was definitely not fit to see my kids right now. "Thank you, Night. I don't know what I'd do without—"

"Put the kettle on. There's a special tea in the back of the rack. It has a black label. Brew it up, but only sip it when you see me return with a large package." Night winked at me and left the house.

What was this special tea? Did I really want to trust him on that? Walking into the kitchen, I tried to ignore my own smell as I started looking for where the tea was located.

After three cupboards, I located possibly the largest and most varied stash of the stuff outside England. Just looking at and smelling the tea leaves made my cutie mark itch as I could visualize what each was good for. Most looked to simply be tasty teas, but some were specific—the black packaged one at the back made the hairs stand up from my withers to my croup.

Sex. It was an aphrodisiac. This tea would spice up a bedroom, and if my talent was worth a pinch of salt, it would do it a lot. Why he would encourage me to make a cup of it confused me. Was he trying to butter me up for something?

Why I tried to puzzle it out, I filled the kettle with water and set it on the stove to heat up. I was still trying to figure out why when he returned. I put the bag in a cup and it started to steep—just the smell of it made me want to cross my legs.

"Drink that tea, I'll get this set up in the basement so you have some privacy." One moment Night was standing in the living room with a box almost as large as him, the next both were gone in a puff of dark blue magic.

I turned back to the brewing cup on the bench and, rather than trust my horn, picked it up with a hoof. My special talent increased in potency this close to the wretched drink. Humans were nigh-impossible to affect like this—there just weren't many chemicals that would cause a human to get more excited, but this tea seemed custom made for stallions.

Trusting Night, I squeezed my eyes closed and gulped the cup of tea down in four big gulps. It started off as physical heat. I could feel the steeped water pour down my throat and into my belly. From there, however, the heat became something else. "This had better work."

A door leading downstairs opened in the kitchen. "Come down here and meet your new mare. She's nothing like Clair, but she'll inspire no hangups about cheating, either."

Walking down the stairs, I tried to ignore how hard I felt or how crazy it was making me feel—then I saw what he was talking about. It looked like nothing so much as a round, padded barrel propped up on a stand. I could see how it worked—it was impossible not to. It had a fleshy-looking hole in the end. If it wasn't for the tea I'd just drunk, I might have laughed.

As I advanced on it, Night winked at me and disappeared with a puff of blue magic. The door at the top of the stairs I'd just come down closed, and I was all alone with the thing.

Advancing on it, I leaned down to examine that hole. It smelled of cherries. Pressing my snout closer, I dared to lick it. Definitely cherry, but also slick. "Lube."

The heat of the tea that spread through me seemed to all flow and pool into my groin. Snorting and blowing out a grunt, my mind was made up and I lunged forward. Forward and up.

"Drink this."

My brain wasn't working so great. I was aware of being awake and having done—something—but apart from that all I could think of was drinking. I guzzled down the water from the cup, then a second when that was emptied.

"There you go. That tea must have worn off. How do you feel?"

It was Night Light. My brain could start piecing things together working backward from now. I was on top of and—and inside—what seemed like a stallion masturbatory device. I looked down at it and realized I wanted nothing to do with it now. "Like shit. I'm getting down."

"I'm getting a cleaning spell ready. You'll need a shower for your personal needs, but you don't leave these things like this."

Dropping down from the fake mare, I shivered as a chill ran through my wet undersides. Blue light wrapped around the thing, then it flared far brighter and I was in a different room—a bathroom, alone.

I owed Night Light. My body felt normal again, even if completely wiped out. I climbed into the shower and got cleaned up. The water alone wasn't enough to clean me off, so I employed some of the coat soap they had and made sure of it.

Climbing out, I wobbled a little on my hooves as I looked around for the drier—then remembered this was an all-unicorn household. Focusing, I cast a drying spell and felt it ripple over me with a million heated fingers. That's when something hit me. "I don't smell like sex anymore."

It felt good to be normal again. I left the bathroom and found myself in a hallway. There were stairs at one end, so I approached them and started taking them down. There was still light coming in from outside, but apart from that I had no idea what time it was. "Uh, Night?"

"There you are. How do you feel?" He stepped out of the kitchen, ushering an amazing smell into the living room.

My senses could tell me there was a rich tomato, potato, carrots, celery—It was soup and my special talent told me it would be perfect to put in my belly. But I couldn't just look after me. "I need to go home and check on the kids. They could—"

"No you don't. Flurry's there taking care of Riley. Saf and Sudden are out having dinner together. Come through and I'll get you a bowl of this." He was pushy, but in that way that you sometimes needed. If I didn't know any better, I'd wonder if he had the same special skill as me. But, no, this was all concern and care.

I let him lead me to the table and serve me a bowl of soup and another tall glass of water. I downed the water first and then started on the stew. It was delicious, but I couldn't honestly remember eating much of it. One moment I was scooping the first spoonful into my mouth, the next the bowl was empty.

"Another." Night used his magic to grab my bowl, ladle more into it, then set it back before me.

I ate a few mouthfuls and was able to appreciate the stew far better. "Thanks. For all of this. I didn't realize how much Clair was doing for me and then—then without her here it just swamped me."

"It'll do that. You shouldn't let it get that bad, though. If you need some of the tea, I can part with some, but you're going to need to get your own long-term. The mare in a box worked, I gather, where a visit to a bar wouldn't?" He sat down opposite me with his own bowl.

His talking gave me time to eat some of the soup and think a bit clearer. "I couldn't do that to Clair. Not without a long talk where neither of us intoxicated by our body-chemistry. When she's back, and we've both become acquainted again, I'll bring it up."

"You don't sound like you want that, let alone her. I get it, you're perfect for each other, but if she's going to spend time away like this, you're either going to have to learn to enjoy our wooden friend in the basement or seek professional help."

"A prostitute?"

"That word sounds odd to my ear," Night said. "The way you say it, it sounds like something negative. Professionals—in this field—are quite well-respected. Things aren't that way on Earth?"

Wow. Where to even begin? "That's a huge one. Easiest answer is no. They're derided for—" What? What was the underlying reason prostitution was considered shameful? "Our societies treat them very differently."

"Us."

My head must have jerked up, because Night smirked. "Oh," I said.

"I can hardly hold you responsible for your societal views on my previous profession."

"It's considered the lowest rung on the ladder. A last-ditch way of making enough money to survive. Add to that abuses and—It only gets uglier the further you look at it." Despite how ugly the idea seemed to me, I wanted to hear the other side. "Describe how it is here. I mean, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. It's—a calling. When I was a much younger stallion, I found myself enjoying bringing happiness so much that I slid into the profession gently. One day I was just another patron at a bar catering to relief, next thing I'm getting requests by other patrons and I'm on the payroll." He sipped some tea (not the special one) and smiled as if he was describing finding his special talent. And why not? It held none of the stigma as back on Earth. "I worked a few years there, making connections and more—then I encountered her."

"Your wife?"

"No, she came later. Princess Celestia, at the time, was using magic to hide her full stature and distinctiveness. She was too much for this stallion. I'd thought, up until that point, that my libido could take on any mare or stallion. What I'm trying to say here is, some mares are more than just your equal. The last time she spent an evening with me, she told me she was sending somepony important to visit.

"That's when my wife arrived, asking for me by name. If I didn't know better, I'd say Princess Celestia set us up. Maybe she did, but it was our own hearts that made the connection. For a while I'd keep working whenever she was out of town, but then she started buying all the places I worked at. It got awkward being the boss and an employee, so I just worked without pay."

It was a lot to process. I took a cup of tea from him (my talent telling me it would sooth me), and took a long sip. "That's quite a history. You still work?"

"When Twilight is away on business. I was planning to head out tonight, but I'm not feeling desperate and you needed some help. How's that tea?"

"Soothing. Thank you, again. This is more than I could have hoped for." I had some more of the soup and felt its warmth spread out inside me and restore me further. "How will I go about getting the—you called it a wooden mare?—home?"

"Well, definitely not with an animate-object spell. I think we can safely pack it back in its crate and you can carry it. Or I can, if you'd rather not."

I shook my head. "No. I've got my emotions under control enough to use my magic now."

Night just smiled and drank the last of his tea. "I've heard that you're quite handy with your magic now. Have you considered schooling?"

"I've been getting some teaching from Moon Dancer. She's—"

"… boasting about how well you're coming along. Which is why I want you to give me a demonstration—if you're keen to go further."

"What do you mean?" I took a moment to gulp down more of the soup, and Night seemed content to let me finish while he mulled over his words.

Finally, he seemed satisfied to speak. "I want to suggest you to Princess Celestia as a candidate for her school. Moon is already considering it, but with both of us voicing our support, you'd be a horseshoe-in."

"Go back to school?" I'd brought it up with Clair, and we'd thought about it to the point where she was supportive. If they won the election again, though, it would be another four years of her working as ambassador. "I've actually thought about it. I didn't realize Princess Celestia's school took adults."

"She'll accept anypony who shows talent and a desire to learn."

Three days and I was feeling tense again. I'd gotten some of the tea Night had given me, and returned the small supply he'd sent. Now I was staring at the little paper-wrapped satchel and trying to think about anything else.

Yup, definitely not thinking about drugging myself into a sexually-perverse state and then fucking a rubber hole for a few hours. And, right on cue, my memories flood in of how good it felt to lose myself in that pleasure.

Tearing the top off the satchel, I poured the contents into a tea infuser and added boiling water. My talent analyzed the scent of that tea and told me it was not a great thing to put in my body right now. My body loved the smell and I found myself standing over the steeping cup and inhaling deeply.

"Hey, uh, Dad?" Saf asked.

His voice was enough to snap me out of tea's spell. "You're heading out now, right?" I had a sudden horror thought that he might have canceled and would see his father drink this horrid stuff.

"Yeah. I talked to Night Light and he told me what's up. House is all yours until morning, and if you need help then, just ask." Damn him, he was such a good kid, but he hadn't had to deal with this yet, and I wouldn't put him through it if I could help it. Hell, if he was lucky, he'd be fully native by the time anything like this happens and he'll be able to just deal with it like a local.

"Thanks, Saf."

"No sweat, Dad." His retreating hoofsteps ended at the front door, which I heard open and close.

Well, this was it. I turned around and looked at the tea. The horrid tea. Removing the infuser I washed it before drinking the tea—my mental faculties focused on the task so I wouldn't think about what would come.

With that clean, and trying to work out if there was anything else to do, my eyes drifted back to the cup. I was putting it off. "Procrastination won't get me anywhere. I need to get this over with." Picking up the cup with my magic, I lifted it to my lips and gulped it down.

The taste was terrible, but it was definitely laced with the same chemicals that Night's had been. I rinsed the cup in the sink as I felt the heat of the tea start to spread out in my body.

Each breath caused my mind to fuzz over a little more. I turned for the stairs down to the basement and closed the door behind me. In the darker room, with a confined atmosphere, I spotted it.

It looked like a padded barrel with four legs. At the end of it was a padded, soft, tube. As the heat of the tea rushed to my belly, I lunged at it.

The worst part of the whole thing was I remembered it. The tea dulled every thinking part of my brain and let me just act, but though it stopped me thinking at the time, every thrust and wet sound was etched in my memory.

Climbing off the device, I tried in vain to ignore the smell of stallion and sex in the air. I set a spell in action to clean the room and made my way upstairs to the bathroom. As soon as I got fresh air from the house, it felt like the last vestiges of the tea left me. I could think clearly now, and got into a shower and started washing myself down.

I tried as hard as I could, but there was little shame to feel. This was just how pony stallions did masturbation. So I spent several hours rutting like an animal—this was as normal as it got.

Cleaned up (both the basement and myself), I sat in the kitchen and sipped normal tea. This helped, it was sure, but could I do better? "What if I just use it every day? Would that mean I don't need that damn tea?"

A yawn cut off my next thought from reaching my mouth, and so I decided to sleep on it.

It didn't really take a good night's sleep to realize I should try other ideas. I was eating breakfast when Flurry arrived. She knocked, as always, and I let her in. "You don't have to knock here. You're practically part of the family as it is."

On her back was Goldie, who let out an excited squeal when she saw me. Just like Riley and Saf, she stole my heart the first moment I'd seen her.

"If it's all the same with you, Philip, I think I'll keep knocking for now. Gramps told me you're having problems, and I don't want to make them worse by stumbling in at the wrong time." She set Goldie down on the couch with some toys.

Night telling her wasn't the worst of all this, it was her being so damned understanding. She accepted that I had a problem and there was only one way to solve it. "I've been working at making it easier to deal with."

"That's cool. You might want to talk to my dad about it. He's exclusive with Mom, and he's usually fine when she's gone for something." She unloaded Goldies' diaper bag. "I gotta go today, but I can be back any night after tomorrow's."

Safe topic, wooo! "Got a big date?"

"Small date that I'm trying to keep under the radar of court intrigue, but yes." She seemed to positively glow just talking about it. "She's—I'll bring her around tomorrow before our date."

It was an odd situation to be good friends with a mare our own age and her grandparents. The pony world was a little strange sometimes, but it was generally a good strange. She was nice and she got on with me and Clair and—No. It wasn't a conscious thought, but something my libido inflicted upon me. No, no, no. "I'll see you then. Thanks, Flurry."

"Bye, Philip!" She turned and made her way out of the house, and I can't believe I watched her rump the whole way.

Goldie's call of "pa pa pa" broke me from the daze I'd been in (thinking inappropriate things about Flurry) and dragged me back to the real world. "How's my girl?"

Saf was still staying with Sudden and Riley was spending the week at Princess Celestia's school. I was settling down to an afternoon of quiet contemplation while Goldie had a nap. I closed my eyes for just a moment and she was there. That soft pink butt beneath heavy armor plating, only when I followed her lines up to her shoulders, gray fur was visible instead. Clair.

Shifting my hips, I put the book down and when I blinked, Clair was back. She looked amazing in Flurry's armor. She lacked a horn and wings, but her solidity let her carry it off well. In my mind's eye I walked over to her and nibbled at one of her ears.

My own whine drew me back to reality. I was laying on the couch, rock hard, and felt like humping the damn thing—when it hit me. There's no reason I have to wait until I absolutely need to blow off steam.

Standing up, I started walking toward the basement, but first checked to make sure Goldie was sleeping. It was as good a time as any and I had not a single excuse anymore. Heading downstairs, I could smell a slight musky scent still—I needed to clean better.

Hard I might be, with dreams of my wife in armor swimming through my head, but I wasn't crazy. Lubing the hole up, I mounted it and let my fantasy run away with me.

The experience was far less draining. When I was done I used my cleanup spell three times and wondered about getting an air sanitizer. Maybe there was a spell for it.

The difference, satisfaction wise, was good. I hadn't been overwhelmed and was in control of myself most of the time. The best bit was I felt like I could do this long-term. Looking at the device Night had gotten me, I had to admit that it was effective.

Saffron Ree

"Dad's getting better. He—uh—seems to be using his basement more," I said. It was a tough topic, but it was Night Light asking, and I knew he'd been the one to help Dad get over his problem in the first place. "Is all this really that bad for everypony?"

"For stallions it is. Have you talked to your dad about it?" Night asked me.

We were sitting pretty comfortably in the house that Sudden arranged for me to give Dad some slack. There was a couch, some furnishings upstairs for Goldie, and a handful of kitchen things to make it livable.

"Dad was really open about sexuality back on Earth—before we came here—but I think this has thrown him for a loop." It was the absolute truth. I'd tried to ask Dad about it, but he just got this panicked look and had something else he needed to work on.

"I'd had Twilight—my wife—pick up some books from your world. It seems far simpler when both sexes have similar reproductive drives. I also greatly appreciate that masturbation thrives in your world, despite it being demonized by some." He sipped his tea and made a happy sound. "And I'd rather forget everything I know about sex workers on Earth. This tea is really quite nice."

"Flurry told me what brands to get for doing what things. I'd rather have coffee, but that's not good to have with a young body." It was weird to say because it was mostly repeating what Dad'd said. I agreed with him, after trying coffee a few times, but it was still strange to agree with my Dad so much when he wasn't around.

"Good advice. Have you thought about your future?"

"Y-You mean with Sudden? W-With us—?" I couldn't finish it, but Night nodded to me regardless. I closed my eyes for a bit to work out how to answer that. When the quiet in the room got too deep, I opened my mouth to make a joke but the right words came out. "Mom and Dad always said they fell in love and knew they were meant to be together. I'm not even an adu—"

"Yes you are. For over three quarters of your life you considered eighteen to be when you're an adult. Being here for a few extra doesn't change that."

"I know that, but I also know some of the gossip about Sudden. She doesn't seem to care about it, either."

"Gossip is part of my life, Saf. You wouldn't believe some of the rumors about me that have been around. Some were true, a lot weren't. Didn't matter—I never rose to any of them because the moment you do, everypony will pick up every other rumor about you and reexamine it in a new light."

"Hold on, why would they gossip about you?"

He held my look for several seconds without saying a word, then, "In my younger years, Saf, I worked making ponies very happy. That isn't gossip worthy in and of itself, but one particular client made it worth gossiping about. She never swore me to secrecy, but all the same I don't tell a lot of ponies that Princess Celestia was one of my regulars."

I wasn't a complete idiot. "Making ponies very happy" was an easily solved euphemism and was a surprise in itself, but hearing that Princess Celestia had been his customer—a regular—was a little more than I could deal with at a moment's notice. "I don't think that really matters to anypony except you and the princess."

Night's grin got wider and he sipped some tea. Before he started talking I realized where he was going to go with it. "That's right, Saf. That's why the rumors about you and Sudden are only the business of you and Sudden. The ponies looking down their noses at her need more excitement in their lives so try to correct that with the excitement of others' lives. I don't know if you are doing anything together yet, and it's none of my business unless you ask me."

"We cuddle and kiss a bunch. I'm starting to want to hold her and be close with her, but not much more than that still. I worry that it's not enough for her, though. This thing with Dad reminds me of that every time I see him." Words! Stop saying them. But I needed to say them. I needed help here.

He didn't look freaked out or anything. He looked like he was thinking on it! "Anything you do needs to be talked about with Sudden. She's an adult too. That said, Saf, have you considered talking to her about her visiting a professional in case she feels needy?"

"A professional." I knew what he meant. "It feels like—like I'd be failing her if she had to do that."

"It's not a failure, though. You just can't do that for her. But, if you do follow her into the Wonderbolts, you're likely to have times where you both can't come together. Have you considered that?"

I hadn't. "Maybe we should try this again with Sudden here?"

After filling Sudden in, with me trying to not blush, we got to the part about professional help. Sudden reached her nearest wing out and pulled me close. "Firstly, you get a smooch for thinking about all this at all. Most stallions wouldn't, but then I kinda figured you weren't most stallions already.

"The truth is, the Wonderbolts have kinda sorted this problem out already. You have seen how few stallions we have in the 'Bolts, right?"

I wasn't sure what she was getting at, but I could nod to that without it being a lie.

"Right now it's Soarin and Thunderlane. There are currently five unattached mares in the 'Bolts. The math, there, means that there's fine balance. But! I point out I don't count myself as an unattached mare." She squeezed me a bit tighter with her wing. "For obvious reasons."

Night looked surprised. "And they work together to keep the two stallions satisfied?"

"It's more the other way around. Five mares is a lot for a pair of stallions to keep happy, but they all manage."

"Are there any other couples with both in the Wonderbolts? You have me curious now," Night said.

"All the others are mares, and we're all attached to somepony. Before either of you ask"—she booped me on the nose with a hoof—"they're not my kind of fun."

"So we just wait and see?" I asked.

Sudden smirked and nodded. "Yeah. But let's make a plan in case something does happen. I don't want to leave you feeling trapped like your dad was."

"What? Like—?"

She looked at me as if it was obvious. "If we can't be together, and you're getting overwhelmed, go to one of the bars."

I looked at her and couldn't believe how this was working, but it seemed to make sense. "And if you need something, and I'm not around to provide it, don't be afraid of looking for it."

It would have shocked old-me. A cuck move, beta male, gayyyyyy—my friends in high school would have called me all that and more. And worse still I'd have believed them and agreed with them.

And, for that matter, she was giving me permission to—to find another mare if I really needed it. This was crazy, but I loved her more for this being something we could agree to.

So here I am, looking at things as an adult, and nodding my head as I realized we need to be flexible in this.

Reaching my wing out I got it around Sudden's shoulders and hugged her back. "Make sure to tell me if I'm doing something stupid."

"Saf, I think we're about as far from doing stupid things as we can be," she said, and then she kissed me.

With my littlest sister balanced on my back, I opened the front door and walked inside. Gone was any hint of the musk smell Dad had a problem with for a while, it now smelled like a neat, clean house again. "You home?" I called.

"In the kitchen, Saf! Have you had breakfast yet?" Dad's voice sounded relaxed and calm, which was good to hear.

"I haven't, but Goldy has. How are you doing, Dad?" I poked my head in the kitchen and spotted Dad with toast on a plate. "Ohh man, that smells good."

"Elderberry jelly. I have some in the toaster for you." Dad used his magic to float the butter and jelly back to the table while I climbed up on a chair and kept Goldie on my lap. "Saf, I owe you a bunch for helping these last months. I think I have a lid on all—all this now."

"Yeah, I know, Dad. I've been talking to Night. He's a smart pony." I reached out my wing and hooked a little bit of crust from Dad's toast and gave it to Goldie to suck on. "Me and Sudden sat down and talked about stuff with him, he helped us figure out how we could avoid—well, what happened with you."

He looked surprised at that. I figured we had some time, since I didn't have morning practice today, so gave him the time he needed.

The toaster was our savior. When the toast was cooked, Dad plucked it out with his magic and carried it over to the table. "Sorry I couldn't help you with this one, Saf. It's just too close right now."

"It's a tough one, yeah." I picked up the knife and started buttering my toast. "We figured out something to do that is right for us. When's Mom coming home?"

"Two more months. They're pretty sure they have the win locked-in, but you know how politics are back home." Using his magic, Dad picked up Goldie and lifted her over to his own lap. "How's my girl doing?"

"Da da da!" Goldie said, only it had way more spluttering thanks to the crust in her mouth.

"I can take care of her a bit long—"

Dad's smile was what stopped me talking the most. He shook his head and blew a raspberry on Goldie's head, earning him a pile of laughs from her. "I think, Saf, I have this worked out in a way that will let me function again. I'm sorry I had to lean on you so much."

I rolled my eyes at that, proving some of the human teen was still in me. "Dad, you don't have to apologize for it. I mean, I'm too young to understand how serious it gets on this side, but I remember what it was like as a guy on Earth. To have that, not be able to get any relief, and then crank it all up to eleven would be torture. So, I get it."

He looked at me for a few minutes before smiling and giving me a nod. "So you have your own home now, I hear?"

"It's only temporary. I was trying to give you some space…" There was more, and I could swear somepony was making chicken noises nearby as I tried to argue myself into saying it. Finally, though, I had to just go for it. "But I was thinking about getting a place in Cloudsdale. It'd be closer to the Wonderbolts."

He didn't say anything, and that left me fumbling. Had I said it wrong? How was I meant to tell my dad I wanted to move out?

"Saf, you've grown up in ways I wouldn't have imagined, and I can't help but feel amazed at the choices you've made in life. Do you need a hand—or horn—moving things?"

There's only one way I could respond to that. I got up and walked over to give my dad a hug. "It won't be anytime soon. I want to make sure Mom's home first, but I have been looking and Sudden was interested in sharing a place with me."

He pulled back from our hug and, from his mischievous expression, I knew he was up to something. "Have you thought about getting her a ring? Hold on, do ponies even do the whole engagement thing? Rings?"

Okay, so he was joking, but I kinda felt that I should do something like that. "Maybe something small. I'll talk to—to Flurry."

"Flurry? Why not ask—" Dad blinked in surprise and then shrugged. "I guess she's probably the best to ask, given her mother and, uh, all that."

Author's Note

Thorax, what’s your favorite thing about Earth?

"Definitely night time. There's something amazing about the city at night. I like to walk the halls of the hotel I'm staying at, listening to all the happy people agreeing with each other. They must really enjoy moving their furniture around." Thorax held a wistful, child-like expression of delight on his face for about five seconds. "Okay, so I know what sex is, and I know what they're doing. There's something different about human chemistry that makes sex more enjoyable—No, that's not right, it makes their self-love more tasty for me, though. Love might be Princess Cadance's domain, but I can't state how enjoyably spicy human physical love is."

So I do this "Ask X" thing. X can be any character within the story. You can ask them anything and they will definitely, hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories, and they will answer the best question in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right character to answer. Try to keep it to one question per post!

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