Fallout Equestria: The Vanhoover Chronicles

There was a slight discomfort to have my legs broken, gripped by the throat and showed through at least one brick wall. Even if I tend to ignore most physical pain, I will admit that this was a bit much even by my standards. To be fair, when it came to brute magical force I doubt even Trixie came close. My vision blurred out, she was honestly trying to strangle me. Which was working very well at the moment. There was a fair bit of wooziness as my brain bit by bit was starved of oxygen. It was a slow, painful death. Can't say I recommend asphyxiation.

The discomfort disappeared within a single rapid heartbeat as I auto-disintegrated in a brilliant flash of light.

"THE FUCK!"

I stretched my muscles and cracked my neck as I began readjusting my mind to a body that was untouched by her repeated attempts to break my spirit. It had taken a while, probably hours, but she was finally growing short on patience and ideas. Asphyxiation? I mean, really?

"WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO KILL YOU?!"

The tall regal mare was furious, her horn faded as she shouted. And she was getting exhausted, it was an impressive stamina but that was all it was. And fortunately for me, she was appallingly poor at adapting. A pity, really.

"Weren't you paying attention? I just did the job myself."

"YOU!! YOU... THAT'S CHEATING!!"

"Well yes, thank you for noticing. It is what I do."

"STOP DOING IT!!"

"And level the playing field? I think not."

"IT IS ANNOYING."

"And so is your constant use of the royal Canterlot voice. Where did you even learn it?"

"WE FIGURED IT OUT OURSELVES..."

"Well, can you please stop it? I think you blew out my eardrums a few times by sheer volume alone."

"FINE. Is this better?"

"Yes, yes it is. Thank you."

"You did get on my nerves."

"I kind of noticed..."

"Was it painful?"

Honestly, regeneration was something I never really could get used to. The mere awareness that I was wounded was enough to get phantom pains in every relevant nerve cell. It was a lot like waking up from a nightmare only for it to haunt you afterwards. I seriously shuddered as I looked at the carnage we had left in our wake, there was definitely going to be a few rumours about this dispute.

"I haven't felt that much pain since the time I was hit by a balefire bomb."

"Good... Hold on, what??"

"This little trick of mine was something I snatched from the Ministry of Arcane Sciences back during the war, unfortunately it has a few downsides... At times like this I really regret not picking some other kind of... arcane defenses..."

"What kind of downsides?"

Although she was still a bit grumpy, she had truly given up on killing me. For the moment... No wait, she is trying to find a blind spot and will probably attack again. Unfortunately for her, there is no such thing.

"As you maybe noticed, I still get hurt and I still have to die. And frankly, it is exhausting."

"Hm..."

Her horn flared and blade of light flew down across my neck. This time, I didn't even have to interfere. The spell reacted automatically and absorbed the eldritch blade. I flashed back and had to readjust again, this was seriously starting to get on my nerves.

"Finished?!"

"Yes, wanted to try a new spell."

"New? You stole that one from me."

"What's your point?"

It was unfortunate but our personalities really didn't mesh well. My Canterlotian expectations of courtesy and pettiness, and her mix of immaturity and outbursts of extreme violence. It wasn't the first time she reacted like this, but it was probably the most persistent attempt at my life yet.

"SIGH. Dust... If you wanted to learn spells you could have just asked me."

"I refuse."

I facehoofed at the obvious response.

"It has almost been two centuries now, and frankly you could do with some more advanced magic."

"And I still hate you."

"That is a given, but I can arrange another teacher if you just had the patience."

"HAH, and who would that be? Your stripes?"

A major downside of immortality is that you run into others like yourself, and you kind of become responsible for them by shared experiences alone. It hurt to admit it but at this point she was basically family and Sunshine asked me to look after her while he was travelling.

"For example yes. They are remarkably civilized zonies, especially for this day and age."

She pointed with her whole leg at me to make a point.

"I will NEVER trust a stripe. They killed everyone!"

"Imperial ZEBRAS did, not zonies descended from Equestrian citizens. It has been over a century! By the mother of Celestia, can't you drop it for once?!"

"Why are you even bothering me?!"

"Because Stormcloud asked me to, and Pear asked if I could teach you magic."

"As I said, FUCK. OFF."

"Not this once, Dust."

"I can still hurt you."

"And it won't be enough."

"HARRRUMPH"

Did she seriously say Harumph out loud as if it was a word?

***

In the end, she refused every suggestion I made. Probably entirely out of spite for me refusing to die properly. I swear, if I hadn't made a promise to Sunshine and hadn't made a vow... Point is, I was very tempted to blow my brains out just to be rid of her annoying attitude. Not to mention her habit of using her royal Canterlot voice, why couldn't that have died with the princesses??

"GO AWAY!"

"No."

"I can handle myself, GO AWAY."

"As I said, NO."

We had left the Black Hoof a few days ago and were travelling one of the quietest roads in all of Equestria, the one between Vanhoover and Canterlot. Between the ghouls, the wildlife and the radiation very few could even survive the trip. Ironically, we were arguably the most powerful concentration of arcane might outside of Maripony.

"I wish I could banish you to the moon..."

"Dust, you can't even teleport."

"That is like super advanced high level magic!"

"And you are a talented hyper powerful unicorn."

"Wait... you are trying to trick me into accepting you as a teacher!"

"Frankly, trying would be an overstatement."

"What is that supposed to mean??"

"That you are as oblivious as a toothless alligator?"

"That is the dumbest thing I ever heard."

"What? You never heard of Gummy?"

"Who is Gummy?"

Duly noted. The proper way to interact with this particular overgrown brat of a filly is to keep her distracted.

"Pinkie Pie's pet."

"Why would a ministry mare keep an alligator? You made that one up."

"No, I actually even saw the beast once myself."

"Where?"

"Manehattan, she was setting up some retirement home for it. Last I checked it is still there."

"And it happens to be the same place as where I am going?"

"We could take a look while we are in the area."

"FINE, you can tag along. But if you disrespect my parent's grave I will END YOU."

"I won't. I promise."

We walked in silence for half an hour, not even bothering to speak when a flock of manticores began to prowl around us. I didn't even have to lift a hoof, she ripped the pack leader into bloody chunks and the rest fled in terror at the unexpected magical assault.

In time she did decide to take a break and that moment was when we reached the summit of a hill and saw the glowing pink remnants of Canterlot in the distance. Wastelanders couldn't understand this, neither really could the stable dwellers. For ponies like us... for actual Equestrians... Canterlot, it was the heart and soul of Equestria. If the zebras had glassed Manehattan or Baltimare we could still rise up, but Canterlot... It was the princesses personal abode, and even if I had little respect for the legacy of alicorns... It... They.... Celestia and Luna held the nation and ponykind together spiritually and symbolically. Without them, we are well and truly lost.

It was especially hard for her, she never met them and still had that idealized vision of what they were like.

"Hey, Starlight. Did you ever find out what happened to them?"

"No, not really."

"Me neither."

"You know, I actually met Celestia back then."

"Yeah? Why?"

"She had a school, I think she liked the role of a teacher more than being a princess."

"How was it?"

"... what can I say..."

"You don't remember?"

"I try not to. She DID get furious at me and threw me out."

"Yeah? Why?"

"Hm... How do I explain?"

I hated talking about this. Part of it was a matter of privacy, part of it was trauma and part of it was sheer paranoia.

"I have a... condition."

"HahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"You know that is rude, right?"

"Yeah. Sorry, I just... Never thought I would hear those words out of YOU of all ponies."

"Ironic isn't it?"

"Yep, was it some strange experiment in your case as well?"

"No, it is something I was born with."

"And it makes you a massive bitch?"

"Not really, that part is learned behaviour."

"Wait, you admit it?"

"Oh definitely."

We began walking again on the broken road, heading towards the royal mountain. It was her favourite route to Manehattan, claimed that she didn't want to get lost. I rather suspected that she retraced the old railway routes, as some form of ritual to honour the dead kingdom. Not that I could judge her, we all had our ways to stay sane after all this time. It was either that or going feral as the ghouls like to call it. Hence, me actually accepting this promise to look after her.

"You know, I kind of regret that the experiment didn't work."

"They were trying to turn you into a weapon."

"Were they? Really?"

"Yes, they were. I have read the project notes."

One thing neither me nor Sunshine openly admitted was that we felt responsible for her turning out like this.

"But... The princesses are gone. Maybe what we need is another alicorn, somepony that Equestria can look towards for hope of a better future. Somepony who could forgive them for the shit they've done..."

Mother of Celestia, don't do this to me.

"... Don't you think it would be better that way?"

"Maybe... Maybe you are right. However there is one thing you didn't think through, somepony has to forgive the alicorn as well."

"You're right... Maybe that is why there was two of them?"

"There were more than two, but you do have a point. That could explain why Celestia and Luna were twins, I never really thought about that before..."

"What do you mean, more than two?"

"Twilight Sparkle was an alicorn."

"The ministry mare??"

"Yep, it was one of the things we censored at the M.O.I."

"Do you know what happened to her?"

"We both know that story."

"Do we?"

"Maripony."

And she promptly exploded into rage at the mention of the place. Not that I could blame her, Project: Coronation had denied her a peaceful death. It had made her walk through the radioactive ruins of Manehattan when the air was still green, she had to see the first ghouls and despite her immense stature she was just a filly at the time. I noticed that she stopped suddenly, her eyes focusing as she sensed something. Closing my eyes and reaching out with my magic as subtly as I could, I felt it, the telepathic presence of one of the pseudo alicorns.

Moments after I detected it, I lost contact. Which made Dust promptly exclaim her disappointment.

"Aaaw, you scared her off. I wanted to kill her!"

I shuddered at the tone, it was that of a little filly told that she couldn't get a new toy. Sunshine, what have kind of monstrosity have we wrought?

***

Ponyville. I never cared much for the place, but a remarkable amount of ponies I got to know over the centuries seem to originate in that little town. Of course, it was also the home of most of the ministry mares so it might have been a simple case of nepotism. The ministry of wartime technology and Applejack were especially notorious when it came to offering contracts to her relatives. Ironshod firearms were the largest supplier of small arms to the equestrian army, add in Concord Arms and it became very obvious. Then we had Stable Tech, who practically had a total monopoly when it came to maneframes and terminals. Heck, even their biggest rival EAST Corp was also owned by a relative to Applejack!

Although I guess I shouldn't complain, it wasn't like I was innocent when it came to exploiting personal connections, it was how I got into the M.O.I. in the first place. And how I avoided the M.O.M. goons, if you were high ranking enough you would practically be exempt from any and all background checks.

Irregardless I am getting off track, the ruins of the little hamlet had a weird attraction for beasts and raiders alike. Every time we passed through it there was some new gang or nest that had spawned yet more things to bother us, and every time either of us passed through we killed everything in it. Honestly, the battle with the raiders were so one sided that it isn't worth mentioning in any great detail.

It did take us to the library however, a hollowed out tree that was somehow still alive. There was something about it however, something weird and... wrong. It felt a bit like when travelling the ruins of Vanhoover, like reality was fragile.

"Are you done gawking at that tree?"

"You don't sense it?"

"Sense what?"

"Not sure..."

I could probably figure it out if I broke the veil, but that was foolish enough to do back in Canterlot. Here it would be a pointless risk, there wasn't much to gain. It wasn't like this was part of some grandiose mystery that involved the ministry mares... Then it hit me.

"Wait... no?"

"What? What are you muttering about?"

"This tree. It should be dead. Somepony, probably Twilight Sparkle brought it back from the past. But why?"

"There used to be a castle here, made out of entirely out of crystal. It made Ponyville a target, Twilight removed it to protect the place she met her friends. And she returned the old ponyville library as well, probably due to nostalgia."

The mechanical voice was unexpected but not entirely shocking, you don't live this long without running into the wasteland's most illusive historian. Never did figure out who they were, but the hints pointed at someone who knew the ministry mares personally. Dust, however only cared that someone she considered a friend decided to drop by.

"Watcher! What are you doing in this shithole?"

"Hello Dust. As for your question, this was once my home."

"What, you mean the tree?? Why were you living in a tree?"

Hold on... this means the tree was the home of one of the ministry mares. Fluttershy? No, it was a library, meaning... Twilight Sparkle. By extension...

"Spike."

"What?"

Of course Dust was confused by the statement.

"I finally figured it out, Watcher, you are Spike aren't you?"

"Took you long enough."

"Wait, who is Spike? And what does it have to do with Watcher?"

"Spike was Twilight Sparkle's..."

Pet? Assistant?

"Adopted son I guess is the best term, and he is a dragon."

"She never saw it that way."

"Perhaps not, but I can think of no better term."

"Hold on, Watcher is a DRAGON??"

"Guilty as charged."

This... was big, huge even. Whatever personal projects or notes that the minister of arcane sciences had hidden away, the things she never let even the M.O.I. know of... Of course, it was protected by the one individual she could trust. Immortal, powerful and the guardian of her legacy.

"Starlight, I don't like that look."

"Was it that obvious? Is my poker face slipping?"

"No, I just know you well enough."

"You mean that I don't even need to ask?"

This was the level of discussion I was used to back in the day, unfortunately we weren't alone.

"Ask what? Stop being secretive right this instant and tell me what you two are mumbling about??"

"She was wondering if she could visit me, and dig through Twilight's old books."

"Hey, can I go visit you? If I promise to not touch any books?"

"... I need to think about it, but maybe. I don't get a lot of visitors."

There was something comedic about this scene.

"Great, that means that you can take care of the filly for me. Perhaps for a few years? Can you teach her magic while you are at it? Good, I'll inform Stormcloud and the Pear family of the arrangement."

The silence was deafening, Dust looked heartbroken.

"No fair, Starlight. If I am that much of a bother you could just have left me alone!"

The tone was that of an overreacting teenager, by Celestia...

"And let you walk into a town and massacre civilians because somepony commented on your height?"

"You... YOU!!"

She ran away, crying like only a foal can.

I facehoofed, and somehow the synthesized voice of Watcher managed to sound disappointed.

"It isn't her fault that was she was turned into a monster."

"I know, trust me. I know all to well."

"Then stop bullying her."

Bullying? I burst out laughing.

"What is wrong with you..."

"You know, Watcher, that line works for me as well."

"... What do you mean?"

"sigh, I'll tell you later."

Getting to my hooves I began trotting after the tall mare that had ran off.

"For now, let me apologize to the foal I am currently responsible for."

Two centuries and she still struggled with maintaining an adult persona, although I guess no foal living through the Last Day would be able to grow up to a functioning adult. Scratch that, no pony who survived that catastrophe could walk away afterwards without enough mental trauma for them to have been institutionalized in a M.O.P. hospital by wartime standards. Cursing the royal twins for our fates I entered ruins of an old school. Of course that was where she would have gone.

It took a while, but I managed to console her enough for her to continue travelling. Watcher checked in on us whenever he could, and in time we reached Manehattan and she got to say what she wanted to her parent's grave (right outside the hospital where she had been reborn). And yes, I left her with the floating sprite bot in the megalithic ruins.

It took decades but we finally found a teacher for her. Part of me was happy for her, but my mind was already turning to other matters. The most dangerous mare in Vanhoover was out of the way, it was finally time to convince Midnight to mobilize the Daughters and help me reclaim my birthright.