Prejudicial Procedure Problem

by iisaw

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1125

Twilight needs to hire some staff members. Should be easy and non-controversial, right?

Princess Twilight Sparkle needs to hire some new staff members to help with her transition to Equestria's sole ruling monarch. Should be easy and non-controversial, right?

Published 2019-08-23 21:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-08-23 21:10:02 UTC

Best Intentions

Prejudicial Procedure Problem

by iisaw

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"Twilight?" Starlight Glimmer called out, knocking softly on the doors of the castle's library. "The applicants have all arrived."

"Wonderful!" Twilight Sparkle replied. "Come in! I just need to finish a few things and I'll be ready to start the interviews."

Starlight entered the library to find Twilight sitting behind a desk covered with blank forms, inkwells, and quills. Before the desk stood a large, comfortable chair.

"Do you think this is okay?" Twilight asked her. "I don't want to be too intimidating."

Starlight gave her a slightly twisted grin. "I don't know if a comfy chair will make the new ruler of Equestria passing judgment on them any less intimidating, but it's a thoughtful touch."

"I'm not passing judgment on them!" Twilight protested. "I'm merely evaluating their suitability for each position."

"It won't feel like that to them, believe me. You're choosing the personal staff of the Equestrian Royal Princess! Winning or losing out on a job like that is a huge deal!"

Twilight frowned in thought for a minute. "I'll make sure to impress on them that simply making it to the interview stage is high praise of their abilities."

"That… might be a good idea, actually." Starlight paused and glanced over her shoulder at the doors, shuffling her hooves slightly.

"Was there something else?" Twilight asked

"I… I just wanted to congratulate you on the… variety of applicants."

"I'm hearing a 'but' there." Twilight said, raising an eyebrow.

Starlight sighed and gave her a sheepish grin. "It's just that there are griffins, changelings, a couple of mules, and even a dragon out there… but only two of them are male. With over thirty applicants, it's glaringly obvious."

Twilight was silent for a moment and then said, "Let me show you something." She teleported a huge sheet of paper into the room and held it up for Starlight to read. "I prepared this spreadsheet listing all the relevant qualities of all the applicants."

"Of course you did," Starlight muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing! Go on!"

Twilight gave the faintest of sighs and continued. "The names are across the top, and the column on the left is the list of the qualities I'm most concerned about. Do you notice something about those qualities?"

Starlight squinted at the small, neat lettering. "The entries under 'Affability Quotient' are symbols I've never seen before."

"No, what descriptors don't you see?"

"Uhm…" Starlight thought back to the discussion that had started this impromptu lecture. "Genderisn't listed."

"Or tribe. Or even species, for that matter." Twilight grinned. "My selection of the candidates is based purely on merit! The fact that there are relatively few stallions on the list has nothing to do with sexism!"

Starlight sighed. "But Twilight, that's just indicative of a much deeper problem in Equestrian society! Stallions are underrepresented because they get fewer educational opportunities than mares! Everypony thinks they're not as intelligent, and the Marearchy reinforces that attitude by—"

Twilight interrupted her. "As much as I'd love to debate that, it'll have to wait until later. I have thirtythree interviews to get through today, and wasting even a half-hour would put me behind schedule."

Starlight sighed. Twilight was her boss, (not to mention her sovereign.) "I'll send in the first applicant."

Twilight glanced down at her (randomized in the interest of fairness) list. "That would be Utter Awe. Huh. Interesting name."

Starlight chuckled. "It's not inappropriate. Wait until you meet her! Most beautiful jenny I've ever seen!"

"Oh, she's a mule?"

"Yep. I'll send her in."

Starlight was correct. Utter Awe was a gorgeous young jenny, with a light golden coat and dark, lustrous mane and tail. Her long ears were elegant rather than awkward. The dark stripe along her backbone spread out into thin, wing-like flares over her shoulders, and her eyes were a pale blue color almost unheard of for a mule.

Contrary to Starlight's expectations, she didn't seem intimidated in the least. She strode confidently into the library taking in the room with a glance and an attitude that suggested she wasn't even impressed.

"Welcome to the Castle of Friendship, Utter Awe," Twilight greeted her. "Please take a seat. I want you to feel comfortable and relaxed during this interview, so please just call me Twilight."

"I prefer to be called Ms. Awe," the mule said. "And I'd prefer to call you Princess, if you don't mind. I wouldn't want to forget your station or what you represent."

"Umn.... okay. That's fine with me," Twilight replied, shifting mental gears to a more formal style than she'd planned on using. "I would like to impress upon you that making it as far as this interview stage of the hiring process is, in itself, an indication of how remarkably well-qualified you—"

"Oh," the jenny interrupted her. "So you've already decided not to hire me, and now you're making excuses?"

"What? No!" Twilight gaped at her and struggled to find a reply to such an unfair accusation.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Princess. I'm used to being trotted out to show off how modern and open to diversity some corrupt noble is… then being thrown out as soon as the cameras and reporters have gone!"

Twilight couldn't help herself. "There are cameras and reporters out there?"

Ms. Awe looked down her nose disdainfully. "Of course there are! Didn't you arrange for them to record your oh-so-diverse line-up?"

"No, I… I just wanted to hire a good staff," Twilight said quietly, as the enormity of the situation began to dawn on her.

"Must have been your tame 'revolutionary', then." The jenny sniffed. "Starlight Glimmer… what a sock-puppet! Well, she's not as smart as she thinks she is! She messed up this photo op and accidentally revealed how deep the prejudices of the Marearchy go! Only one stallion and one jack in the entire group! That's obvious and blatant sexism!"

"No! Please, Ms. Awe..." Twilight protested. "I have this spreadsheet…"

But the jenny had gotten the metaphorical bit in her perfect white teeth and there was no stopping her. "I am an ally fighting for the oppressed males of Equestria! I won't rest until the Marearchy is toppled and the vast conspiracy to hide the male alicorns from the public is—"

Starlight Glimmer entered the room to see what the shouting was about. She was just in time to watch Twilight teleport the frothing mule away.

Twilight looked at Starlight in dismay. "I just sent her to the train station! Honest!"

Starlight raised an eyebrow. "So, I'm guessing you won't be hiring her?"

"No." Twilight shook her head sadly. "There's no place for that Ms. Awe jenny here!"

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