{Recording start}
"Okay, where to begin? I mean, with all the weird-ass crap that has happened to me, I have no idea as to where it all starts...'parently I should start at the beginning. So, like, when I was born?... what do you mean that wasn't what you meant?...fine.
"So I was born in Melbourne, Australia and...what? No one wants to know about me and my history? Only lots of fight scenes and explosions? Is that true, guys?...Yeah, you're right, none of you can respond to that question, so just ignore it. Anyways, you are all going to have to stick with me during this introduction and there may be an explosion or two in here, which is what you are all here for, aren't you?
"My name is John Smith. Yup, that's right. John Smith. The average name for writers and video makers who have no idea as to what they should name their character. However, that was around my birth, after my parents had chosen my name. I like to say that birth marked an end to a John-less period. Pretty much, suddenly people remembered the name, and, in realizing that it was not very common, they all wanted to give their kids a name that stands out and with Smith being the most common last name, Voila! The most common full name was born.
"Sorry guys, but I need to go get some coffee, so I'll be right back after these messages from our sponsor!" Five minutes of strange horse-like sounds began emanating from the machine. The reader, or listener, at this point is probably very confused and is doubting the mental stability of the writer/speaker. Then another minute of someone gulping something.
"Sorry 'bout that, but I am doing this at 3 in the morning, so that I wouldn't be interrupted as much. Oh, and can you please remind me to slap Twilight later? I saw Spike in the kitchen, and he told me that Twilight was trying to figure out how the elements recharge after each use since no one was recharging it, it just did it automatically...Oh, yeah, right, I forgot, recording, not call...Really? Thanks!
"As to how I got here, you probably wouldn't get it right away. It was that I was in my Toyota, driving along to a shop at a dead end. Yeah, I know. It's supposed to be all spoopy and haunted 'n' shit, but it was actually normal or so I thought at the time. I parked right I front of the main window and was in park, had turned off the ignition and taken off the seat belt when my car was rammed from behind. Now, I say rammed because they had to be going at least 150 mph. Now, you are probably wondering two things. One, you may want to know why the hell I said mph and not km/h. That is because it is most likely to appear in America, if movies are to be believed, 'cause of patriotism and stuff. The other thing is that you think that you already know what is going to happen. The store is closed and I go flying through the window, somehow failing to set off the burglar alarm. I then get up, somehow unharmed even though I probably landed on glass and hit a couple of shelves, and begin exploring the shop. I eventually go into the basement to continue looking around.
"There, I find some some creepy shit in glass boxes, like glowing skulls and shrunken heads. I eventually stumble across a satanic ritual or some green glowy thing that gives me whispers in my head to touch it. They cause me to be teleported to another world, in this case Equestria, and maybe gain some magical powers, you know, the normal cliche stuff. Well, that's not actually what happened. I mean, if you thought of a green glowy thing, you were partially correct. It did involve one of those, but it did not give me voices in my head, well actually it did, but that comes later!
"Anyway, my car was rammed and since I didn't have my seat belt, somehow my legs failing to break (not that it is a good thing, having broken legs), and flew through the glass of the shop's window and then I ate the green glowy thing. Yep, just like that. Nom. Then there was a flash and I landed on the back of a white unicorn with a bond mane and tail. The first thing that I thought was 'who started dyeing their horses?', paying more attention to the colour than the fact that it has a horn. I Then notice the horn and, like most sane people, began to freak out.
"Imagine this from the perspective of the person who bought the glowy thing and the pony. You are an average person who just bought this cool glowy thing and had just held it up to the light to see it better, when someone is thrown through the window and swallows the glowy thing. Then, while you are processing that fact, he disappears in a flash of light. Or that you are a royal pain in the ass (NOBLe fUcking idiot that Everyone thinks is a Bitch and shouLd screw Off and never bOther any pony again, except maybe in Death). You are pestering your aunt to make a new law that would only benefit you and your noble cronies when you are suddenly squashed from above and then the weird monkey thing begins running around and screaming.
"And so, that concludes this recording of my entrance into Equestria. Although, now that I think about it, that green glowy thing just might have caused me to fall into a coma and in that coma I am in a constant weird-ass dream, but since I can think normally, or like I usually think, I don't believe that. So, See you all next time!"
Ţ̵̧̺͎̟͍̲͔͔͕̮̞̗̈́̔h̸̨̳͌͂͛͝͝e̷͈̩͙͔̝̟̩̼͈͚͖̯͕̤̜̐̽̑̇̉͂̀͗̇̓̇̒̔͜͠͠͝ͅ ̸̛͍͆̐̑͊̃̾̌̓͑̄̾͊̒̓̇̋͋͘f̶̛͔͉̙̘̅́į̷̡̨͙̪̪͍͈̲̠̩̤̐̔͂̿͌́̏̎̀̐͊́̄̌̊͘̕͠͝s̵̨̧̨͍͔̗̮͈͍̰͖͔͑͋̆͒̔͌́̿̀̋̽̓̊̓ͅh̸̛͎͔͉̪̻̯͆͗͆̑̀͐̔̚̚͝ ̵̡̮̮͔͈̲͕̯̰̗̮͕̲̥̖̗̞͖̪̞̓͐̊́̒̌͂͘̚t̸̫͎̩̮̝͉͕̙̪͎̽̊̀̊́̇̌̀̎͝h̸̝̫̩͉̞̬̜̹̝̜̺̘͕̝̔̋̊͂̈́̋̍͂a̴̧̨̭̲͎̲̲͉͎̝̎́̅͛̑t̶̠̥͙̝̤̩͙̿̕͜ ̷̧̛̯͇̓̾́́̀̾̐̓̌͒̃͐̕̕͝͝͝w̴͎͕̝͚̩̠̜̤̬̯͈̫̟̹̽̍̿̏̊̀̒͆̈́͂ͅȩ̸̡̹̤̪̠̘̲̦͚̗̙͍̑̾͆̐̋͐̈́̽́̓̕̕͘͜r̶͕̖̣̤͔͈̺̹̺͈͔̘͈̆͌̄̎̔͌͋̋̍̆̈͑̈͂̈́͘͜͝͠͠ě̴̫̫͈͚̳̤̤̟̦̯͔͛̊̐͒ ̴̢͇̲̙̣̲͔̜̳̹̻̳͛̆̑̾̾̇́̇͋͌̍̆̾̑͐̅͒́͜͜͝͝l̶̡̫͍̤̗̜̜̥̼̖̔͛͜i̴̛̟͒̓̄͗̈͊͘͠͠͝s̸̛̛̰̠͉̻͍̠͇͚̏͛̉̔̈͗̿͘͝t̵̡̞͈̳͖̭͉̩͍̺̝̫̟̭̘̫͚̦̺̒̔e̷͕͉͑̓͒͐̈̓n̶̳̤͒̾̈̔͂̚i̷̧̨̛̲̬̬̜̺̹̮̖͇͔̙̳͙̿̈̾͂ņ̷͔̠̙͉̣̬̭͖̥͉̤̞̦̻͖͉̻͌͛͂̐̉͌̂̃͊̈̿͂͘̕͜͠g̴̡̳̥͕̭̝͕͍̟̱̦̎͋̎̊ ̸̡̣̬̭̝̫̝̬͖͓͉̯̜͕̗̻̭͇͚͛̓̍͂͗̋͝ͅt̴̪̺̥̺̝͇̪̳͓̟̝̻̟͇͊̈́͆̉̍̾͗̈͋̍ͅo̶̯̙͈̗̱̫̜͈̪̣̒́̈́̈́̕͝ ̴̭͗́͑́͌͘t̵̛̹͑̀̉́͗̋̋͗̌̒̃̄̍͑̚̚͝h̸̭̳̣͓̝͉͔̜̦̱̣͔̘̥̣͍͈̯͛͊͋͐̇̒̉̏͆̔̕͘͜͝a̴̛̠̦͎̥̝̰̺̣̲̟̰͓̤̳͔͌̓̀̃̉̈́͋̉̄͆͑͝͠͝ͅt̴̨͇̋̑̽̅͊͂̀̕ ̶̨̡̧̧̹͔̻̥̼̜̦̙̬̈͆̍͛̽̾͂̓͑̊̒̀̓̔͆́́̕̕̕s̷̡̡̫̬̣͈͓͚̼͖̟̬͔̝̼̙͗͜͜ͅţ̵̨̢̻̻͉̪̼͉̜̮͔͔̹̟̜̖̯͑̍̈́͊͑̍͒̓̊́̈́̓͠ŗ̵͓̜̹̹̮̝͙̖̟̬̰͕̗͖̳͎̊̂̀̎́̎̾͑͒̓̽͌̃͋̋͘̚͝a̸̧̢̛͔̘͕̭̣̠̖̝̳̠̭̳͓̽̀̂͊͊̉̊̽̃̀̿͗͆̃̕̚n̵̡̛͉̩̹͖̹̓̊̽́̃͌͊̾̀͜͠͝g̵͔͍͚͙̪͍͐ẽ̷̠̯͚̪̘̥͙͉͈̝͕͔̒͂̋̈͂͘ ̸̤̜̪̼̼͓̻̜͈̺͕̇̑̈́̔̂͗̄̊̈́̃̈́̒̚m̷̨̺͕̰̖̱̫̳̟͕̙̫̉̈́̉͘e̵̛̘̫̮̳͐́͐͐̑͝͝ş̶̛̻͈̤͓͚̝̫̗̩͕̤̙̪̳̺͎̅͂̄́̑̈́̊̌͛̃̀̕s̵̙̦͚̯̫͎̩̝̰̩̏̇̃̈́͘͜a̵̞̞̭̬͕̝̺̲͕̬̥̫͔̼̙͕̻̒͗̐̄͠g̸̨̛̮͓̙̤̭̤͉͎̳̜̬̰͈̥̣͂͌ͅȩ̷͔̮͇͕̟̪̰̓́ ̷̨̢̭̩͕͙̣͎͕̼͖̐ͅf̸̧̨̡̢̖̲̤̺̳̳͓̙̠̺̙͍͔̝̎̑͂̈́̽̅̓͐̐́̄̋̀͐͘͜͝i̶̡̧̧̘̠͚̝͖̼͚̲͖̬̎̉̏̆̽͛̍̂͌͠͠ñ̸̨̨͖̲̬̼͕͙̦̼̹̜̜́͐ą̷̭͍̰͖̬̖͙̂̀͗̆̌̃̒͛̃̓̄́̔͋̔̕l̴̗̗͐̄͝ĺ̸̢̙͖͑͐̽̀̂̃͌̌̚͝y̶̜̫̯̱̤͎̝̺̥̞̦͚̐̎̏́̀̋̍͂̏̉̈́̃̒̇̽̆̄̓̚̚ ̸̧̹̗̫̹̖̰͚̻̩͔͇̲̍́̒̊́͜͝ͅb̷̡̡̯̳͙̫̞̼̟̫̟͍̼͙̪̲̘̦̈́̄̂͐̅͂̏̒͘͜e̴̙͓͙͚̮̯̽̎͆̿̿̆͂͒͑͂̆̃̂̾̚̕͝͝g̵̨̛͉̗̻̲̖͈͑̒̃̀̈́̄͊̅́̽̀͂̓͂͋̚͝ǎ̸̧̡̨̠̭̼̭̠̞̳̥̯͈̫͈͐͐̅̒̈̿̓̒̏̓̀̚͘ͅņ̵̥͙̮̟̈́̌̒̆̇͒̄̋̔̇̂̐̊̈́̚̕͘͠ ̴̨̛͎̥̫͓̯͋̀ţ̴̨̢̡̛͍̯̙̺̬͈̭͖͔͋̎̈́͛̆̏̿͆͒̏̄̕ö̷̧̨͓͕̻̺̼̭͎̰̖̣̞̪͍̯̻́͋̉̾͐̕ ̸̢̢̛̺̼̤͇͇̮̩̜̭͓̹̯̺̼̬̯͗͗̍̊̊̏̄͑̎̃̔̚͘͝ţ̷̪͎̭͍̰̤͙̝͎̱̽̉̓̽͆͊̀͛̿́̽̊́̾̒̈́̑̃͘͘ä̷̭̯̞̻̦̩̜̗́̄̎̃͋̓̒l̵̡̧̨̡͕͈̩͖̣̖̣͍̲̻̝̬̹̥͍͗́̏̈́͛̀́̎͒̊͛̓͝k̷̡̗̭̠̦̼̜̤̮̭̐̏͌͝ ̷̧̢̳̫̣͓̺̘͔̯̣̭͖̹̥̈́̒ͅt̵̡̨̰̻͚̞̱̭̲̣̀͊́̿̒̄́̂̍͑̋͘̚̚͝ͅơ̵̛͖̤͌͒͛̋̂̔̀̃̾̄̈́̃̃͛̉́̚͝ ̶͎͔̹̉͋̈́̍̑̉̃̆͆͌͗͌̒̕ͅĕ̸̛̯͋̋̊̃̆͆̈́͊̊̂ȁ̸̡̢̠̯̈́̒̐͆̔̄̈́͛̏̎̾͑̃̑̑̍̚̕͝ç̷̧̗̩͍͓͚̗̯̩͉̊̿̏̾͋͋̇̑̿̑̀̎͜h̸̙̟̭̻͕̤͖̿̽ͅ ̷̨̡͇̞͓̳̙̹̳̯̦̩̻̣͓͓̱͙̺̃͑̌́͋̍̽͛͊̾͝ö̸̦̦͍̱͉̹̺͖̯͚͚́ť̵̛͔̱͕̠̪̰̥̜͔̈́̀̎̆̽͋͛̿͂͊́̓̇ḩ̸̛̳̮̱̋̌͗͋̓̄͐́͒̋̀̅̋̈́̿̀̇͠é̵̡̛̹̟̗̘̞̻͉̻͈͓̟̜͇̙̬̞͂͐̂̅͑́͛͆͂̆͋̈́r̸͙̖̞̗̩̱̯͋̾͋̃̃̾̀̂̾͐͐̈̓̉̕͠.̴̢̧̛̥͖̫̮̣̣̟̭̝͔͕̥̗̺̖͂̃͑̾̑̍́̀͛͒͆̅̎͛͌̄̕ ̵̧̧͍̺̘̘̬̺͕̬̖̤̜̝̦͋͊̄̂̓̀̂̓̄͆̉̈́͘̚͝͝͝ͅͅB̶̧̼̥͉̳͑͐̈́̈́͗̈́̋̃͗͂̾́́͋͐̽̕̕ͅu̸͉̤̿̃̑̇̀̔̐̍͐̋͒͘ţ̴̧͓͓͕̖̟̝͔̝̦͔̌̉̊̅͆̈̏̈́́̓̂̏͂́̕͝ ̷̡̪̫̀̐I̵̛̯͔͎̥͐̔̄̂͂̏̔̊̽͠ ̴̻͙̫̝͍̂͒̉̃̾͂̄̃̏̿̉ç̶̦͎̝̞̘̻͓̹̱̠̬̐̍̎͒̀͑̽̈̋̐͗̃̃̚a̵̢̨̲̭̻͎̤̪̜̞̞̖̱̫̘̫̣̤̋n̵͚̭̼̻̙͙̒͜'̸̡̙̣̟̗͖̬̥͕̮̫̠̪̘̊̍̒̇͝t̵̨̜̙͈̪̰̺́͌̌̽̐̿̆͆̍̚͝͝͝ ̶̬̥͉͍̘̥͓͈̤͓̦̬̰̘̠̯̙̣̤͗̊͂̍́̑́̓̇̎̚p̶̩̯̦̖͖̹͓͍̞͈̬̞͕͒̊̈̏̍͆͝ủ̵̱͍͙̤̞̱͙̤̖̯͊̀̔̀̚͠t̴̙͕͇͐̏̍̇̂͝͝ ̴̦̙̲̯̙͉̠͒̇͒̈́͑̅̔͐i̶̧͓̯͔̮̺͚͙̬̬̠̬̦̼̰̺̺͂̽̈́̑̚̚͝ţ̷̡̢̢̛͍̦͕̭̬̰̘̲̤̭̙̲̙̤̳͑̇̒͂̏̔̓̀̍̋́̄͜͝ ̷̧͓̙͈̘͇̗̘͇́͆́̈̍̓̋͂͒̈́̑í̷̧̢̞̞͖̘͎̤̥̙̱̱̪̮͖̼͖̖͎̹ṋ̴͍͓̱̳̲̗̟̬͓͉̹̘̔͝ ̵̢̢̛͕̼̮̥̙̹̺̩̭̺̤̓̏͆͘̚ͅh̶̯͉͓̠͎̠̙̍̆̄̽̈͋̍̀͐̀́́̾̕͝͝e̴̡̧̡̬̫̹̟̫͉̱̞̙͚̪͈̙̤͂̈̐͂̏͆͒̏̅̕̚͝͠ͅͅr̴̰͕͔̭̦̝̥̮̯̖͚̺̝̩̟̟͊̅̊̇́́͛̐͐̄̈́̇̃͘ͅé̶͕͎͇̫̫͔̹̤͗̀̄̂̄̋͜͝͠ ̸̨̡͉̞͈̦̺͇̮̞͈́̀͊͐̈́̈́̈́͒̕͠b̷̨̢̛̯̥̳̭͉̭̗̖̣̓͑͒͛̒̓͌͐͋͋͂́͘͝ę̸͕̙̫̠̘̐͒́͊̓̓͛͘͝c̶̢̘̮̼͓̤̬͙̫̜͎̞̟̟̿͐̓̃̒̽͊̉͗̒͐̔̒̆͛͝ͅa̸̧̛͓͓͌̒̾̔̄͗̿̄̕͝ų̶͓̯̫̯͉̜͔̮͎̼͇̠̣̝̜̘͙̥̫́̀͛̀̎͑̉͆̒͂̌̇͊̅̎̃̕̕͝ş̷̜̟͕̞̫̫̬͚͚̜̤̹̭͑́̋́̈e̵̜̠̥̺̱͇͎͚̬̙̳͙̗̩̲̗͚̾̽̌̾́͛̍̈́̅͛̂̓͌̓ͅ ̸̡̧̼̬͚̭̟̘̟͉̱̳̥͈̱͉̈̌͂͜ͅḯ̶̧̹̠͎͇̹͆̂̌̈́̏͝t̵̨͎͈̫͉͉̞̠̠̜̘͖̃̍͠ͅ ̵̧̖̫̱͇̫͔̭̣̩̯̩̝̈́̊̍͐̊̀̈́̉͛̀͋̔̑̈́͐͜͠ẃ̴̻̼̲̙̩̜͉̜̄͋̌̌͌̽̇͂̕̚͝ą̵̡̛̝̦̣̰̞̦̟̞̗̥̙̖̮͕̯̖̮̇̿̏̓͒̔̆̍͂́̎̈́̆͘͝s̶̡̡̫̪̘̠̞̠̹̐̋̌̑́͑̄̿̍̄̓̏̽̚̕͠͠ ̴̨̨͉̘̗̼̮̘͖̤̝͍̖̹̯͎̬͖͉͗̑̌͒i̷̛̛͇̣͉̤͉̐̊̆͆͊̃̾͗̃̔̅̍̀̎̏̕͘͝ņ̵̻̜̣̦̟͕̦̥̭͎̳͎̭̞̱̖̹̩̑̅͛͊͒͊͗̈͛̄͌͊̕͘͝ ̵̹̲̥̰̦̭͖͉͎͎̰͙̭̟̑̑͑̿͊̓̉̌́̏̈́̀̚̕͜f̸̡̢̛͖̮̈̍́̅͂̔̅͂͑͝ị̵̢̧̞̭͌̽̏̈̾̑͑̆͌͌̋̏̏̂̓͊̕͝s̵̞̅͒̈́͑͑́̀̅͊̇͋̚͝h̷͈̾̍̾͗̏̂̋́̃͗̅͂̍̈́͐̅͜ ̷̧̨̰̰̞͖̺̖̥̚l̴̢̧̛̗̣̗̝̼̤̬̹͙̱̤̖̲̱̊̀̉̍̋͂̅̆̿̉̊̄͋͌̓͘a̷̫̋͒̈̏͊̍̌̈̉͑͝͝ń̷̳͙̱̜̭̞͊͒͑͂̐͋̋̏̂́̏͋͋̀̊̄͗̿͠g̶̛͙͎̦̜͍̯̗͙̲̭̰̗̰̲͚̟̮̹̬̔͗̆͂̇͗̒̔̇̚͘͜u̸̖͚̖͍̣̫̣̺̱̯̝͉͆̐̄̽̈́̍̓̃͌́͒̕͘͝͠ą̷͔͈̝͈̤̞͕͍̬̯͐̂̔͗͒͑́͆̌͘͝͠ĝ̸̢̨͎͔̗̲̟̝̼̜̱̈̐͋̃͋͝ę̷̧̹͖̩̬͓̱͙̼̯͈̭̮̫̩͚͖͖̇͂̆͑͛̽͗̍̽̎̌̃̌͐̉́̓͝,̷͇̲̘̞̐̋̔́̕ ̶̩̘̫͌̆̊̑̓͋̽̏̓͐͆̋̅̀͒ͅb̴̟̖̥͈́͑̅̌̈͝͠u̴͉̳͗͂̉̏̏̊̔͋́̒̒̑͠t̷̨̢̠̰̹͈̱̥̻̭̼̳̹̼͇̟̘̙͒̅̎̆̎̾́̌̌̍͛̈́̃̐͌̕͜͝͠ ̶̧̯͓̥̦̝͈̳͚͕̘̮̠̯͙̼̹̋̀̽͊̐̄̈́̾͐̎̈͛͋̍ͅt̸̝͈̄̆h̴̹̼̒̀̋̔̋̂͝ȅ̸͕̣̀̽̀̍̈̔͊͋́͠ÿ̶̤͇̘͆̆̕͘ ̴̨̠̟͇͔̬̼̙̔̈́̾͜s̷̨̱̮̮͈̗͉̗͙̤͐͗̾̅̆͂̀̉́̈́̆̾̍͘͘͘̚͜͜͠͝ͅt̸̛̼̙̤̬̭͒̔͋̕̕ḭ̴̢̣̩̝͚̙͉̝͈͔͙̤͔͈̲̋̑́̏̔̿̇̄͋̏̄̊̀̕͝ͅl̸̠̹̪̤̳̻̺͓̣̙̀͗͛̓̑̀̆̅͘͝͠ļ̵̛̳͎̯̩̻͍̠͚̺̠͈̬̼̠̦̰̆͂̋́̌͛̅̈́̆̀̑̓͌̽͛̔͘͘͜ͅͅ ̵̧̨̱̘̲̥͎͍̳̼̦̺̰̯̆̈́̔̄͗̈́̅̾̀͋̿̈́̍̾͂̒́͂̍̕ư̵͔͑́͛̓̂̋̈́̿̃̚̚n̵̛͍͎̳͈̩̻͗̏̀̈́̄̊̏̈̈́̇̓̈̂ḑ̵̖̰͙͙̬̲̝͙̗͙̤͇̯̀͌̄̎̈́̅͗̒̈͐͗̃̍̾̉͝ͅe̸̢͉̱̳͖̮̦̳͕̻̱͚̭̫̓̅̋̃̈́̇͐͆͗̔̈́̽̾͐̕͝r̵̡̛̘̽͊̈́̆̀̉̌̍̄̀̒̀͆̅̚͘̕s̶̘̰̪͑̀̑̈̐̅̒̈́̈́́̕͝t̸̡̪̭͍̮̣̩̊̂̓̄̏͛̍͂̽̐̇͂̏͒͘̕͝͝o̶̳̯͖̟̰͋͐̈̇̑̇̍̈́̈́̂͋́̕̕ọ̸̧̢̠̯̲͓̖͙͆̍̅̉̋̓̏̄̌̒͜ͅd̶̦͕͍͈̞̹̥̹̥̙̍̂̃͊̿̆̄͝ͅ ̴̘͖̌͝t̷̡̨̧̙̳̺͈̲̞͖͉̟̽̌͆̒͒̀͜͠h̵͇̼̻͙̻̆͒̃̈̃̐͌̆ͅĕ̵̯̻͔͔̫͕͚̖͉̳͉̖̬̩̾̿́̈́͑ ̵̳̻͑̈̈́̂͒͆͂m̵̑͛̃̿̽͑̓̅̇̓͊͌͂̋͌̐͝͝ͅȩ̸͈͎̞͈̖̤̗͇̮̦̠͉͊̊̑̋̈́̾̾ͅͅs̸̙͓͎̖̝̅͂̈́͗̔̽͒͒̚̚͘ͅs̵̛̛͎̈́̂̈́̔̒͆͗́̉͒̽̈́͒͑̽͑͝͠ͅa̴̛̛͍͓̓̎͛͒̾̓͋̀̀̌̿̈́̚͜͠g̴̹͇̪̪̞̱̮͕̩̠̺̣̘̣͇̪̟̎͜e̷̠̎͂͋ ̴̡̫͕͓̮͔͖̮͉̦̦̭̬̒͑̎͛̈́̂́̐̂̕̕͜͠ͅb̵̡̨̡͓͍͙͈͇̮̪͉͇͕͙̣̼̭̪͕̃͋͒̐̊͗̊̋̿́̿́̈́̈͒͘͝͝ͅe̶̱̬͎̽̓̒͒̈́̈̆̈́̓̂͆͘͝c̸͓̺͒̐́̑̈̑̑̋̊̚ḁ̷̢̡͇̥̱̤̘̗̙̩̤̟͖̻͈̿̄̈́͂͛̋̑̑̄̀̿͆͋͗̀̾͂u̴̮͇̤̍̆̓̒͛͆ş̵̧̯̝̱͉̭̺͔̱̞̗͉̗̝̦̼̖̞̦̿́ę̸̢̝̟̗̫̙̞̠̯͉̤̩̹̥̹̿͊̇̏̇͗̋̔̃͒̾̈́̈̌͐͒̒͊̆ͅ ̶̧̢̛̘̗̞̣̻̜̣̭̬̮̤̎̈́̑͆̍́̾͆̊͛͘͜m̸̨̛̞͉̜̦͎̮̽̏̂͒̿̋̂͆͌̈̔̍͆̿͝ͅȃ̸̛͈͇̪̖̜̹̈͛̓̽́͛͛̾͌͘͘͝ģ̶̛͙̭̗̣̮̖̤̍̍͑̎̆̇͆͒͐̿̉͂̑̊̓̚͜͠͠͝ͅī̶͎̺̰̻̞͕̮͖͕̪̾ĉ̵͉̫̪̻̲̜͖̱̰͖̣̥̪̟̹͍̹͕͍͕̂̉̓̆̐͊͒͒͌̈́̀̅͆̕͠ Ơ̵̗͖̝̂̀̆̑̐̀͒͑͑̄̀͒̕͘ẖ̶̘̤̮̘͖̣̝̮̱͇̽̊͌́̓̊̄̊̓́̓͝,̶̻͙̖̲̪̦̭͍̺̱̘̫́̅̾͑̚͜͝ ̸̨̧͇͉͕͉͈̙͙̣̩̘̊̾͌̏͗̄̾͊̽͐̀̃͋͝a̶̡͓̘͈̬̭̻͚̱̝̘͊̀̔͒̎̏̕n̷̛̠̹̣̠̩̮̳̖̘̻̻̅̔̀d̵̡̛̳̟̍͋̑̔̂́̂͆̓̕̚̕͘͝ ̷̧̻̱̖̩̲̺̘̠͙̣͙̹̱̮̅̔á̷̢̛̠͕̲̝͚̻̮̥͕͚̈́̽͆̏̈́̋͌̚͠l̸͔͖̳̠̞̠͉̬̭̘̞̏̾͒͗̈́̂̀̾̾̕͝͠s̶̨̞̻̜͚̬̝͔̱̺̯̼̪̗͐͒͐̐̂̔͑͐͋̈́̇̚͜͝ǫ̵̼̣̱͇͕̻͖͇̠̼̘͉͇̎̊͋ ̸̗̻͎̞̩̀̔̾̀̆̊͗t̸͚̣͉͎̗̬͎͓̼͖̤̼͕̜͚̏͌̓̃̑͛̏̚h̵͚̩̖͚̤̿̓̈͘͜ë̸̪́͋̓̓̀͘ ̸̥̮͎̗̞̫͈̟̳͈̝̙͌̆̉̀̈́̂͜ͅw̸̨̧̢̦͔̞͉̤̰̗̮̠̲̒̍͆̅ͅͅe̵̡̡̮͎͖̲͕̫̲̅̉͗̋̌̉̇͐̉̔̀̿̕͝ḯ̵̛̗̣͆̂͆̇̒̄r̸̳̥͍̺͙̜̝̮͚̦̗̘̈́͛̚͜͜d̸͍̳̂͊̊͛͛͝ ̶̦̄̒̓̅͗̎̍̆͗̔͑̐͑̍̕g̷̤͙̪̩̓̿̽̈́̅͂̑͋̈́̎̎͑̋̚l̶̟̜̳͖̬̼̤̽̾ö̴̢̡̨̼̳͇̙̩̦͍̣́̈̅͌̎͜w̷̡̢̳̟̘̱̭̠̟̺̐́̌ý̴̨̛̛̼̙̖̘͚̙̭͙̫͖̳͔̳̭̂̓̆̈́ ̷̳͉̙͉̩̲̱̜̬̻̭̗̘̜͔͑̅̏͆͘ṯ̷͕͚͉̟̦̱͍͈̫̯͊̍͛͆̔͜h̶̖̩͖̭̰̘̘̝̙̥̣̩̦̳̉͋̿̊̔̇̈̀̍̀͠ͅí̸͉̰̿n̸̨̨̞̬̪̲̭̰̮͔͎̠̠̘̠͌̈́̚ĝ̵̡̟̪̬͖̹̱̫̝̜̽͗̈́̐́̔̊̀́̆̚ ̵̫̬̦̹͕̅͌͌͛̓̈́̂̕͜w̷̖̅̉̊̈̓́́̃̀͂̍̊͝ͅơ̵͕̗̤̪̰̙̳͛̉̽̈́ṟ̴̨̨̩͕̳̍̾̃͛͊̈́̂̐̎̑͘͝k̷̛̗̪̩̥̖̭̞̩͆̀̈́́̚s̶̢̳̟̑̽̍̀̀̆̐̾̇ͅ ̸̡̻͙̫̝̭̝̞̖͕͕͈̔̄̐̎̅̈͆̄͘ͅą̷̧̨͈̖̲͍͖̞̩̱̟̜̫̬̓̓͊̎̄̐s̷̢͕̲̽̑̒̾̐̐ ̵̡̖͙̙̘̜̥̬̥̺̭̬͉͈̈́̎̃̽̑͐͝͝ͅå̵̧̢̜̻̱̳͎͇͈̤̆̈́̈́͐͐̋ ̷̛̳̪̆͑͋͑͝͠ṭ̶̡̞̠̹͚̏͒̚͝͝r̵̨̯̣͛̍̒̈́̔͊̆̌̕͜͠͝ă̷͎̠̊́ņ̸̛͍͙̤̝͚͍̱͕̇̋͐̈́̅̏́̓̆͐̒̀̚s̷̢̞͉͈̱̗̹̺̝̙͈͔̆͊̒̎̈l̷̮̝͎̜͔̭̺̟̜̦͔̭̾͂̓̓̽͑̿̑͆̔̈̃̚͝͝a̴̱͈̣̰̳͂̒͂̉̋́̉̽͗͒̅͋̈͝t̴̨̛̹̫͙̦͙̫̪͇͈̲̯̓͛͌͐͆̍̍̆̕͝ŏ̷̩͊̂͛̓͒͆r̸̨̢͔̱̝͖͔̮̭̥̞̒̂͛̍͊́͘,̷̥͓͖̞͎͒̀̋̾͊̅̊͑̍́̋̑͊ ̸̘̭͕̥̘͛̏̋̃̔̃͋͘͝s̶̡̛̖̹͉̯̗̦̩͕̘̝̓̉͒̉̀̋̑̂̈́̓̚ơ̵̫̩͙͚̖͙͖̱̩͈̯͌͆͋̒́͆ ̷̨̨̰̱̮̺̳̱̘̦̘̫̈́̊̔̐͊́̀̒͌̉͜͝ẗ̸̨̝̳̠̪̥̣͉̭̺̣̟̫͈͓́̉̄͌̋̽̐͐́͗͝ẖ̶̡̹͙̾́̽̋ą̸͓͇̼͂͐͊̅̇̈̈́̔͊̿͜ţ̶̫̼̫͈̣̓͜ ̸̼͖͍̩̱̙͇̺͖͕̟̜́̏͑́̂ͅi̸͍̬̟͎͉͎̮̩̤̲̖͔̐̿̒̕s̵̡̢͎̲̯̠̣̫͚̪͔̯̖̆̊̅̌ͅͅ ̶̞̱̝͖̯̙̈̑͑͒͑̓͆͝͝͝w̷̧͆̏ĥ̷̥̠͗͋̐͝y̴̡̢͈̟̤̟̦̽ ̵̢͈̙͔̦̬̎́̎͒͒̐̆̀̈́͘h̴̡̨͍͇̥̻͙̰̦͚̃̾́̾ȩ̶͇̤̺̮͇̜̫̈́̐͌̄̍͂͛̆̚̚͝ ̴̡̨̛͉̱̫͔͎̗̤̙̞̳́̔͋̿̌̀̑͊̏̏̀̒͛a̸̤͐̄̒̾̆̍͐̅̾̑͆̕͠ñ̸̢̛͎̘̝̜̗͔͕͎̦̼͓̖̍̈́̆̀̉̌͊͜d̶̘̓̓̀̋̂̌̓̒͠ ̷̢̛͖̮̗̻̪̹̰̰̑̈́̅́͊͂͌̈́̌̓̈́ţ̶͈̟̣͎̬͔̺͍̿̐́̐͐͌́͒̚ͅh̵̞̠̺̣̼̳͙̘̤͈̼͎̩̲͑͋̈́̃͑̓̚͜͠͝è̶̡͙͎̱͔̥̣̬̹͔͕̹͈̝͒͋̎̓̈́̊̚͠ ̴̩̱̺͉̱̭̤͐͊̓̌̐̆p̷̲̮̹̎̌̍̒͝o̴̙̹̰̺̥̘͆͋̃̀̈́̆̊ͅn̴̡̨͉̦̬̱̟͙͉̻͈͖̒͌i̶͍̳̝̫̭̰͇̺̬̩͉̘͔̽́͛̈́̈́̈́͒̐̔̅̎͑̉͛͜͝ͅę̷̞̞̹̣̮͈̥̞̜͎̣̗̔͊̂͑͋͠͝s̴̰̼̹̤͈̰̪̳̔̈̀̾͛ͅ ̸̢̛͍̣͇̞͌͗̌͋͌͗̈́̅͝ų̸͍̲̜̪͓̠̻͝ń̶̛̠̗̔͛̀̎d̴̡̡̨̰̲͙͓̬̜̱̮̓̕͘ͅe̵̺̓̓͛ŗ̵͚̘̯̙̹̝̙̯͗̿̈̇̏͛̍͌͊̆͒̒s̴̨͚͓̳̯͇̘̠͖̱̣̼͊̊̀͑́̉͐̆̂̍͘t̵̘͚͍̼̉͊̍̌a̶̛̖͍̪̤̗̍̌͊̋̌̾̂̍̄̀̔͘͘͝n̸̡̬̱̺̬͙̮̺̖̜̈́͗͊̔͜d̴̙̩̫̱̺̫̞͖̎̿ͅ ̸̺̮̫͗̂͆̿͒͌̀̈́̏̄̇̊͝ẹ̶̰̭̥͊́̋̈̕̚a̴̢̛͙̬͍̱͖̝̹͐̀͒́͂̀̓c̵̨͉͂̅͊̉̅͋h̸̩̺̻̋̀̄̊ ̶̧̧͔͇̯̣̘̿́̈́̓̋̆̽̓̔͌̆ö̸̢̪̜̦̲̦̜͓̟̠̹͈̔͂̽͂͝ͅt̴͈͈̺̞̬̍̓̇͒̕h̴̗͚̫̗͒͌͗͘ẹ̵̡̨͕̝͍̮̹̠͓̬͎͑̉́̀͛̉͑̕r̷̦̭̀͜͜,̸̬͈͓̟̯͔͖͉̟̮̤̣̫̌̇̄͝ͅ ̴͙̣̝̤̦͕̗̠̭̫̓̿͋̾́̓͋͊̆͒͂̐ã̶̛͎̩̱̻͈͎͍̒͌̍͛̈́̇͋͗̉̈́͛͜n̵̗̅͊͗̄̾̉̌͐̀̄̚̚̚͝ḑ̶̻͓̯̫̆͠ͅ ̵̢̛̻̱̙̰̺͍̝̮̯͍̬̓͊̎̿̌͒̈́̕̚͜͠͝a̷̹̘̔͑̃ľ̵̻̻̎̀̋̆̅̓̚̚͜s̴̢͍̦̰̭͔͔͚͙̥̦̑͒̎̇͗̾͂̒̃̀̾͘͝ơ̷̹͎̥͚͈͉̰͚̩͂̍͘͘̕ ̵̨̛̦̗̲̪̥͚̞̫͎̒͒̀̀͌͒̄́̌͠w̴͕̘͍̻̺̙͓̞͖̯̟͓̑̀̉ͅh̴͓̱̓́̒͊̊̓̇̉̒̇̅̅̚͘͜y̵̘̻̥̥̱̱̦̦̓̌̑ͅ ̵̲͈̮̫̯͙̞̳̼͚̺̾͌́̓̈t̶̡̫̯̯͍̩͓̣̰̠̪̹̯̉̓̇̍͆͘͝h̴̡̛̩́̽̇͐̚̚e̶̡̼̰̙͖͎̦̲͂ ̷̘̼̜̟͍̩͋̿͋̐̋͋̐̅͂̏̌͗͗̕͝f̴̧̪͉̹̹͔̟̬̜̮̭̝̻͐͌̅̾̈́̇͗̾͘͝ȉ̵̛̘̯͓͋̒͑́͗̀̈́̓̀̚͘s̸̛̛͈̗̙͚̘͆͌̏̃͑̐́̆̕͘͘͝h̸͕̔͐̑̐̓̅̎͌̒̍̕̕ ̶̰̗́̽̀̓̀͒ư̵̛̩̟̈̃̉̂̒̒͑̇ñ̸̡͚̣̜̘̱̭̙̠̫̉͋͘d̸̨̧̢̛̼̙͎̱̱͉͇̯̞͎̃̀̇̄̈́̔́͆̎̓́̕͜͝͝ë̷̖̗͔͙͉̯̗̺̗͚̦́͜r̴̨̯̠͔̈́̅̂̓̏̐̾̋̚̕͝͠͝ṣ̷̝̅́̃̀͌͑͒̑̓͌͝͝t̷̛̠͙͖̙̗͈̣͕̑̀̇̈͌͝ͅǫ̸̱̠̣̱̦̦̬̲̱͍̇͑̐̋̌̀̌̏̌͒͊͜͝ǫ̶̼͙̩̝̦͎̝͖͔̭͈́͝d̴̼̏͋ ̴̩̣̣͎̯̲̯̹͠t̴̡̡̳̭͈͓̀͛͜ͅh̸̠̰̮̰̦̝̺̫̑̇̔̀̌́͌͝͠͠͝e̵͕̣̜͎̮͗ ̷̢̠̥̟̄̃̆̒͑̽͆̚m̸̺͒̓̽̈́̓̊̓́̃̀͠ē̴͔̖͎̞͖͎̂̈́̑͛̉̽̅̅̅͑̀̉͘͝ş̷̦͚͆̈́́̍̅͘s̶̤̠̙̯͓̠͎͈̺̏͗̏̒͠͝͝a̸̭͉̹̝̳͚̘̰̲͉͗̐̔̍̀̂̆̍̑̾̾̂̒̕͜͠ͅg̸̢͎̟̖̻̼̰͙͈͋̅̍̀̀̾̑̉̾̏̊͜͝e̶͓͙̜̱̯͚͎̼̜̺͌̐̓.̶̜̥̺̬͈̥̭̻̖̗̏̈́̀̓̚̕
For some reason the recorder ended up in China instead, and the person who found the message listened to it and typed it onto this site.
