Sunset's punch landed with a satisfying thud, the impact shuddering up her arm. It was followed by another, and another. She unleashed a merciless flurry of blows on the poor innocent punching bag. She kept it up for minutes on end, never slowing or faltering. All the same, when the timer went off at the end of the round, she stepped back heavily, breathing hard and dripping with sweat; her arms hung limply at her sides.
"Nice," Rainbow said, clapping a hand on her back. She held a water bottle to Sunset's lips.
"Thanks." Sunset stepped back, taking the water and the stopwatch from Rainbow. Then it was the other woman's turn on the bag. Even with how long they had been working out together, Rainbow always seemed a little way ahead of her, it always seemed a little smoother as she took her stance and started wailing on the bag.
Rainbow went as hard as Sunset did, her arms were a blur. It was hard to remember to look at the stopwatch instead of just watching her girlfriend. It was hard to look away from her in general; she was as beautiful as she was strong.
Sunset treasured their workouts together. Work and life brought some new kind of bullshit every day, but blowing off steam together made it all bearable. And early in the morning, it was also a good way to spend time with her that wasn't easily interrupted. So they pushed themselves, side by side, until they were sore enough that everything else looked great in comparison.
Sunset's job with the city was either boring, or filled with screaming political drama. It was a lot like high school, really. Sunset preferred the boring days spent shuffling papers around, because at least then she could imagine all the ways Rainbow could come in and make it more interesting. With drama all she could do was try to stay on the right side of it. She had to remind herself often that everybody's career had to start somewhere, and this was just the first step. She figured it would be a year or two more before she had a chance at any office, but she could see the campaign signs already.
Even with her fantasizing, the day was a test of endurance. Five o'clock came, and she didn't feel much different from when she finished a set at the gym. Especially that day.
That day she had plans.
She texted Rainbow, telling her she had some errands and would be late. Then it was off to the jeweler.
Her heart quickened just looking over all the rings glittering in the cases. She imagined each one in turn on her finger. But after a few minutes, she found herself frowning. There were so many that she would be happy to wear, but Rainbow was another matter. Gems were not Rainbow's thing, and a ring with some big diamond jutting out was out of the question. Rainbow needed something more practical. But all the plain bands seemed to have been made for men, they were all too big and/or too masculine in design.
It would have to be a special order, then. Sunset hadn't entirely figured out her plans for proposing, but still the idea of waiting two whole weeks for the ring pained her. But, like so many things, it would be worth it in the end.
The door was unlocked when Sunset got back to her apartment. That was the first strange thing. She opened it and saw two Twilight Sparkles and Rainbow sitting on the couch, talking. They fell silent when the door creaked open.
"Twilight! Twilights... How are you doing? Everything okay at the lab?" She had been so busy lately, it was good to see her.
But there was something off. There was a kind of tension in the air. Everyone's expressions seemed strained, a little sad. The smile she gave to Sunset was forced.
"And what about Equestria, how are things going there? I'm sorry it's been so long since I used the journal. Life here has just been crazy." She didn't go straight to her real question. When had she gotten so polite? Work was getting to her. She joined them and sat next to Rainbow, resting her head on her shoulder.
Equestrian Twilight's eyes kept flicking between the three of them as she spoke. "Equestria has been doing great. Things have really calmed down in the last few years. I've finally been getting used to the crown. And—I'm sorry if I'm a little awkward, it's just that my world's Rainbow Dash and I are together, so seeing you two is kind of, you know..."
They really had been out of touch, Sunset hadn't even heard about that. "Yeah, I can see how that would be weird. That's great though! Gosh, it's been so long since I've been to Equestria. Is your Dash as much of a cutie as mine?"
Rainbow crossed her arms. "Not in front of Twilight," she grunted.
Twilight smirked and turned to Sunset. "So, does she let you tickle her yet?"
Sunset giggled as Rainbow turned red. "I see yours is as fun to tease as mine." The mood had lightened, but there was still a tension in the air. Twilight still wouldn't meet her gaze for more than a second. "But I'm guessing you didn't come here just to fluster Dash," Sunset said.
There wasn't any more levity. Twilight's demeanor shifted. Suddenly it wasn't just her friend sitting in the chair across from her, but the Princess of Equestria. "No," Twilight said. There's... a problem back in Equestria. I need your help."
Sunset stood up. "Alright then. Let's go. What are we dealing with anyway? Another skeleton from Celestia and Luna's closet?"
"Not quite. It's... difficult to explain. Agh, I keep forgetting there's no magic here. I think the easiest thing is just to show you."
Sunset knew when people were keeping things from her. Twilight was hiding something, but she had no earthly idea what. Presumably it was some kind of Equestrian magic, which didn't exactly narrow things down in the world that was the source of it. But why wouldn't she tell her about it? Or maybe she had just been in politics too long and was over thinking Twilight's motivations. Between the two of them, only one was a schemer, and it sure wasn't Twilight. It was all just stress, nothing more.
"Well, Dash, looks like I'm taking a little trip to Equestria. Can you take care of everything for—about how long is this going to take?"
"A-A few days," Twilight blurted, "if everything, um, goes according to plan."
Rainbow took a few moments longer than usual to respond. "Sure babe... I'll call in for you."
"Thanks." Sunset kissed her girlfriend's cheek. "Now let's go."
She went back down to the parking lot where her world's Twilight's car was waiting. They all climbed in and were soon on the road.
It had been a long time since she had been to CHS. Nobody seemed to be in the mood for conversation, so Sunset occupied herself with reminiscing.
Rainbow held her hand tightly the whole way.
The building had been renovated, but the important part, the statue—the portal—was the same as ever.
Sunset looked up at the big sculpture. Horses were something she had never quite got used to about her new home. She had never managed to stop thinking of them as deformed, despite all the afternoons she had spent sitting under this statue.
They all gathered around the portal. The tension between them had not relaxed one bit during the drive. And now it was even thicker; somewhere in Sunset was screaming that something was wrong. But that was exactly why she was there, she reminded herself. Princess Twilight needed her help because there was a problem. And Twilight wouldn't have come to her if it wasn't something she could help with.
Rainbow hugged her from behind. Then squeezed her again, tighter, when Sunset had turned around in her arms. "Stay safe, Shimmy," she whispered in her ear.
Sunset ran her fingers through Rainbow's hair. "Hey, since when do you worry like this? I'll be fine."
"I love you," Rainbow said, and kissed her.
"I love you too," Sunset said, when they broke the kiss. She didn't like the concern in her eyes; it wasn't like her. But she was beautiful nonetheless. "Really, don't worry, it's just for a little bit, and I'll be with Princess Twi."
"Nah, I'm not worried," Rainbow lied. "It's just—I dunno—weird to be mixed up in this stuff again after so long."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel like everybody here is about ready to snap.
"Well, I guess we should get moving, if it's something serious enough for Twilight to come all the way to get me."
She stepped away. Rainbow held her arm in a loose, lingering grip until she was out of reach. Sunset stepped up to the portal and took a deep breath. It was always weird, going back. She'd lost most of the attitude that drove into this world in the first place, but the part of her that had been determined to leave everything behind was still as strong as ever. Equestria was just not her home anymore.
She glanced over her shoulder and saw Twilight—the princess—standing by Rainbow, saying something to her. The other Twilight was off to the side with her nose buried in one of her gadgets. It looked like a thaumometer, but if it was it had undergone several upgrades since the last time Sunset saw it.
After whatever that last piece of business was, Twilight joined her in front of the portal. "Let's go," she said stiffly. They stepped forward together.
She passed straight through the hard marble and felt the ground fall away. At the same time the weightlessness took hold, she was buffeted by the crackling magic that linked their worlds. And just before she could get used to the sensation, she was standing again, on four hooves, inside a large chamber, with walls of bright crystal. There was a faint smell of hay.
Equestria did not look like it had changed much, but laboratories probably didn't count. Sunset walked forward, looking all around. The room was more sparse than she expected. Twilight was Twilight, after all, she thought there would be a lot more equipment, various experiments lying around. But there were only a few tables covered in books and parchment, and the portal mirror.
Twilight had not moved, she was standing perfectly still where she had come through the portal.
"Alright, so what's the plan here? What are we dealing with?" Sunset said.
Twilight was staring at her hooves. She answered Sunset in a wavering, forced voice. "Now that you're here, everything is ready."
"Great! But are you sure you're okay, Twilight? You don't look so good."
"I'm sorry, Sunset," Twilight said. Before Sunset could ask what that meant, her horn lit up. The mirror was surrounded in her magenta aura. It shattered. She shattered it.
Twilight shattered it.
The frame splintered and crumpled along with all the apparatus that powered it. Twilight crushed the whole thing into a small mound of scraps that lay on the floor.
"W-what did you do?" Sunset said, because her eyes were obviously playing tricks on her. It was an illusion, or she was insane and hallucinating. Because—
Sunset screamed. Her magic pulled a book from one of the tables and hurled it at Twilight. It was blocked by a forcefield, but the binding burst on impact, sending pages flying. "YOU BITCH! WHAT DID YOU DO!?" She collapsed to the ground. With each second the realization of what had just happened sank in deeper. She screamed more insults at Twilight, but the words quickly degenerated into a long wail until her voice gave out.
She would never see Rainbow again. She would never touch Rainbow again. She would never kiss Rainbow again. She would never go to the grocery store at nine goddamn pm because Rainbow had eaten what she was saving for dinner again.
She would never marry Rainbow. The ring she had bought would lie hidden at the bottom of her drawer collecting dust forever. They would never plan their wedding together. They would never go on their honeymoon.
Her heart was dead, but she wasn't. Why?
At some point she moved to a bed in a small room. The walls were of the same crystal as the one had been in before. She didn't know how, nor did she care. She would never see her home again, all the places she could go now were equally worthless.
She came in through the door. The one who had taken everything from her. She tried to curse her again, but found that the slightest sound set her throat on fire. And, apparently not having had enough fun yet, the nag had put a magic dampening ring on her horn. There was nothing she could do with just her body to an alicorn, so she settled for simply glaring at Twilight. She stared at her with every ounce of hate she could muster.
Twilight looked all serious and somber. The bitch probably thought she could convince her she was actually sorry. Sure e-fucking-nough, the first words out of her were: "I'm sorry, Sunset. Truly, I am."
She sat at the side of the bed. "But I need you to understand: I had no choice. I wasn't lying when I said there was a problem I needed you in Equestria to solve. That other world, it just wasn't made for Equestrian anything, especially magic. The portal caused a lot of damage when it was created, even if Starswirl didn't realize it. And the longer things from here stayed there, the worse the damage got. If things continued much longer, it would have destabilized the entire plane, everything would have fallen apart. And since it was connected to Equestria, we all would have been destroyed too.
"This was the only way, Sunset. I had to take as many Equestrian artifacts as I could back and close the portal. I know you're mad at me, but I hope you can at least understand that."
What Sunset understood was that Twilight thought she could convince her she was sorry just by saying it and looking sad. Well unlucky for her, Sunset remembered her old self perfectly well, she knew how easy it was to fake that kind of thing to get what you wanted. Her career had driven that in even more. Speaking of her career, that was another thing that was over thanks to Twilight. She had just been starting that. She had been working on making her city better—and had plans for the whole damn country. But nope, none of that would happen. It was okay, she had only been working on a proposal for the city council to improve the schools in Canterlot, nothing important.
Sunset wasn't restrained, only her magic was blocked. There was nothing stopping her from lunging and throttling Twilight right then and there. If she was as sorry as she said she was, she'd probably just let it happen. But what was the point. If there was one thing Sunset did take her word for, it was that she had severed all the links between their worlds. She had already won; Sunset was never going home.
Sunset screwed her eyes shut, and curled up (doing so she realized her body was all wrong, stupid horses). She just wanted it all to go away.Like the asshole she was, Twilight just let her fall asleep.
Sleeping was a mistake; she dreamt of Rainbow Dash. That beautiful woman told her everything was going to be okay, that she would always love her. Said everything she always did when Sunset was having a bad day. Then she woke up. Sunset stuck her head over the side of the bed and threw up when she realized it hadn't really happened.
Part of her wanted to just stay there, on a pendulum swinging between unconsciousness and despair. She crushed that part of her. She was Sunset Shimmer. Laying around moping was for the weak.
Sunset got out of bed. There was a mirror in the room; she looked at herself in the glass. She was short, standing on all fours, naked. Just how she had been born. And yes, just how she would die, but that wasn't going to be for a long time if she had anything to say about it.
She didn't know what she was going to do, but that didn't matter. She had known great women who were never afraid to jump into things even if they didn't know where that was going to get them. And she was even a little better off than that, a few ideas did come to mind. The first thing was to get the damn ring off her horn. She was a unicorn. Not only that, but she had been the top student at Celestia's school back in the day, she had been Celestia's own protege. She was out of practice with magic, but all her talent was still there. She was here and she was going to be the best.
Her efforts to remove the ring with her hooves quickly proved fruitless. She examined it closely in the mirror. It didn't feel tightly clamped on her horn, and she couldn't see any kind of lock. She sighed: it was magically anchored. And there was no doubt Twilight was the only one who could remove it. The mare was a lot less naïve than when she first met her. She smiled, but Twilight had a long way to go before she would be as cunning as Sunset.
She marched out of her room. She didn't know the castle, but that was no matter. There were only so many rooms. Even in that simple hallway full of bedrooms and bathrooms, her old, old life in Canterlot Castle came welling up. She didn't remember it, exactly, but the feeling of power surrounding her came back. City Hall, where she worked had that feeling too. But that had never been more than a stepping stone. Here there was real power. A certain imperiousness worked its way back into her step. She was going to get her friends back. Twilight thought she could just yank her down. She'd show the princess.
Twilight had her uses though. What she needed was magic and a library, and she was in the perfect place to get both.
She walked through one hallway after another, until she found that library. She remembered this Twilight well enough not to be surprised that there was a light inside. There were voices too. It seemed a good idea not to make her presence known right away. She approached the door as quietly as she could.
There was a wrenching feeling in her gut when she heard Rainbow Dash's voice in there.
"C'mon Twi, you've gotta stop beating yourself up like this. You said there was no other way, and if you can't find a way, then there isn't one."
She could not move. All her conviction had drained away. She could not think. There was nothing in the world but Her voice. The voice of the woman she loved, her ears screamed. Her voice, but not her, she wanted to do anything but remember. It felt like it was a demon whispering in her ear that reminded her of that rather than anything in her own head.
"I know, but I still hurt her. I messed up."
"I tricked her, Rainbow. I didn't tell her what I was doing until she came through the portal."
Sunset didn't need to be in the room for the silence to be awkward. As satisfying as it was to hear that Twilight felt guilty, that didn't make up for how much it hurt to realize she knew what Rainbow was going to say before she said it.
"What the hay, Twi? That's, like, really bad. Why'd you do that?" And of course Rainbow didn't sound mad, no. Rainbow didn't get mad at things like that, she got disappointed. Sunset had been on the receiving end of that, and it was awful. She would have given anything to have Rainbow staring her down again.
It was clear that Twilight was near tears when she answered. "I-I... There was a reason for it. I thought about what I would do in her place, if somepony showed up and told me I had to leave Equestria, leave you. Even if the whole world was hanging in the balance, which it was, I didn't know if I could have done it. If she had come and asked me, I don't think I would have agreed, so I didn't ask her.
"...
"She was dating that world's version of you, you know. I did tell you, a-and you did go along with it. You did what I couldn't, you—" And then Twilight cried.
There was more talking, but did it really
matter what they said? It wasn't like Sunset was going to go and confront them. She didn't even dare to close her eyes; the image in her head of Rainbow cradling Twilight in her han—hooves was too clear already. She couldn't bear for it to be any clearer. To see it in reality—
Sunset skulked off back to her room. So maybe she was a coward, unable to confront ponies she had every right to be mad at, unable to take the life that was rightfully hers back. She had come to terms with the fact that she was only human, a long time before. It had all started, in fact, on that night outside Canterlot High, the first time Twilight had taken everything from her.
But she didn't deserve this. She'd done nothing wrong.
All her friends were gone; she would never see them again. Did the “Princess of Friendship” understand that? She didn’t need Twilight around to know the answer: she didn’t understand it herself. The realization of it crashed down on her over and over, and the blow never got softer.
She managed a kind of sleep for a few hours. And then morning came and she woke up in a bed that was not hers, in a castle that was not hers, in a country that was not hers, in a world that was not hers.
Sunset cried. She hurt, and it wasn’t the pain and ache of exertion—she could take that. It was the pain of a wound.
She let herself cry, and then she cleaned herself up. If she could push through one kind of pain, why not another?
First of all, she needed a plan. She knew what she was not going to do. She was not going to lie around feeling sorry for herself, especially in Twilight’s castle. What she was going to do was go out and rebuild her life. That was the first thing. Paying Twilight back would take time.
Because she could do that, couldn’t she? It had been so long, she had nearly forgotten how powerful she used to be. Had Twilight counted on that? So much the worse for her if she had.
But that could come later. She out of practice, and had no resources besides. And again, no plan.
She needed time, needed a life. Well, even ponies had politics. It was time to see how much of her experience at home she could use.
She remembered enough of what Canterlot was like to know that that was a long term target. Attainable, given her status before she left, but challenging. That would be the try for congress she wasn’t going to get to make now.
But Ponyville? Well, the main advantage was that she was currently in it. But a little wandering the streets told her a lot about the place, things that she could work with. It was a small town at heart, but with the Princess around, there was still plenty to do, more than there would be normally. The perfect foothold.
She kept plodding along the dirt (dirt!) roads until she came to the center of town. The city hall was in the middle of everything (obviously), and at three stories was second only to Twilight’s castle in height. And to think Equestria was the peak of civilization in this world. If it hadn’t been for magic…
Sunset pulled the doors open and strode into her new workplace. She walked up to the first pony behind a desk she saw. She had guessed that these things would be a lot easier in Equestria, but when she asked about open positions and fifteen minutes later had one, it was all she could do to keep a straight face. Nothing was going to stop her.
The cockiness faded when another fifteen minutes later found her reviewing the town’s jellybean budget. She took back all her complaints about politics back home. At least people took themselves seriously.
No wonder they had been so willing to give her a job. It was all a big prank. Hey everypony! Let’s all get together and ruin Sunset’s life.
For a few awful moments she thought about trying. But try for what? This was work that simply didn’t matter. Worse, there wasn’t any sign that things ever would get serious. It was nothing but inanity all the way up to the Princess. She had had plenty of bullshit assignments, but at least they were just what the new people had to deal with, stepping stones to higher things.
She picked up the papers, crumpled them up, and, seeing if she remembered how to start fires—she did!—lit them. The ball flared and burnt, shrinking to a tight clump of ashes and embers. Everything else, the useless parts, most of it, vanished in smoke.
It turned out she was still capable of smiling.
But there was nothing more than that little joy here for her. Her career, her dreams of success, her ambitions, were dead, dead, dead. So what did that leave for her?
She walked numbly out of the building. To her disgust, the pony she had introduced herself too tried to reassure her that it was a hard job and she shouldn’t feel bad about not being able to handle it. Sunset wanted to set herself on fire.
Walking around Ponyville was even bleaker without a destination. All about her, ponies went about their lives. Lives that played themselves out happily, without interruptions. All the colts and fillies she saw, the adults too, were happy that day, and would be the next, and the next, and the next. They would all get what she and Rainbow didn’t.
How many buildings were there in Ponyville? There couldn’t be that many. She decided to see them all; there wasn’t anything better to do. Certainly not more productive, this world didn’t know the meaning of the word. She counted them, one by one, all the shops and homes. None of them were of any interest.
One was. The only sign that made her stop was for a gym. A poster of a massive, white pegasus hung in the window. Sunset did not dare close her eyes, there were too many memories of places like this that would come back. And yet she already knew she was going to go inside, if only as a last refuge. She could keep her body strong, even if the universe laughed at her attempts to keep any other part of her old life. She didn’t worry that she had no money as she went in, it wasn’t as if it mattered.
The place was primitive compared to any human gym, just like everywhere else, but that didn’t bother her so much. Heavy lumps of metal worked just the same.
It was an interesting question, however, how to lift a dumbbell with her new body. There didn’t seem to be a practical way of doing it with her arms, nor much reason for strengthening them. Here at last was a problem with a solution; her mind had been starved for those.
And then, of course, because why would she think she could distract herself from her situation, there was a voice from behind. Her voice.
“You need a hoof with those?” Rainbow Dash said.
Sunset sank to her haunches, shuddering, in response.
“You… you okay?” There was a hoof on her shoulder.
She grit her teeth. “No. No, I’m not okay, Rainbow. Why the fuck would you think there could be anything possibly okay with me!?” She turned around to look at Rainbow. She regretted it, flinched inside when she saw those bright magenta eyes, but she did it.
Okay, yeah, sorry. It’s just, Twilight told me about everything.” Rainbow trailed off. She was disturbed too, usually she didn’t let not knowing what she was going to say stop her from talking.
For all the hurt and anger that Sunset felt, the constant churning inside her, this was the one pony she couldn’t direct it towards. She tackled Rainbow, pulling her into a hug to whisper “I love you” in her ear. She didn’t try very hard to stop herself, probably she couldn’t.
“Hey. Hey!” Rainbow squirmed out of her grasp. She sighed. “I’m sorry, but I’m not your Rainbow.”
Sunset turned back around, head hanging. It had been a mistake to look at her in the first place. “Right. You’re Twilight’s, aren’t you. That…” She had enough composure not to say all the words she wanted to describe Twilight with.
“Sunset.” There was a sudden edge in Rainbow’s voice. “I’m not going to let you blame Twilight. She did everything she could. It’s not her fault.”
She loved Rainbow, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t disagree with her. If only because she didn’t have anything left but blaming Twilight. So why was she surprised that that was being taken away from her too. To hear those words from Rainbow—it didn’t convince her, but it weakened her. She slumped to the floor.
Of course, Rainbow wasn’t just going to stop talking. “So, uh, how close were you and, uh, I?”
As much as Sunset loved Dash, she did have a tendency to say the worst possible thing sometimes. Pony Dash shared that trait. They shared a lot of traits. “We… I was going to—I was this close to marrying you. I just bought a ring…” Sunset didn’t have any words after that, only tears. Once upon a time, she would have cared about breaking down in public, but it wasn’t as if anything worse could happen. She didn’t have a reputation to hurt, and couldn’t see that she ever would.
“How did you do it?” she asked when her sobbing had subsided a little. “How did you let me go? You let me go, without all… this.” Her hooves were still covering her face.
There was a gentle hoof on her back. None of her friends knew how gentle Rainbow could be, what it took to make her be gentle. No matter how empty she got, the abyss inside her never had any obstacle to getting deeper. “I don’t know what Twilight told her, the other me, but I saw all her work. She tried so hard—everything—to find another way. Celestia, Luna, even Starswirl the frickin’ Bearded helped… Nothing.
“I know she messed up. She said how she didn’t tell you what she was going to do. She said that if it were her, if somepony told her she’d have to leave everything, she didn’t know if she’d be able to do it. ‘I’d risk everything for you, even if the world was at stake.’ She thought you would be the same way.
“For me? I dunno, I’m just glad I don’t have to make that choice. But, I just want Twi to be safe. I’d do whatever it took to make that happen. I guess your me is the same way.”
Of all the people—ponies—in the world, only Rainbow could make that story convincing. But here they were.
Sunset didn’t dare look at Rainbow again. A pony would be different from the woman she loved, but it was those eyes she was afraid of, that face. The look of joy when they had graduated together, of confidence and support when Sunset had quit her job as a waitress to get into politics. Even more horrible was the idea of those looks being directed toward somebody else.
And Twilight, Sunset begrudgingly admitted that Twilight had her reasons for what she did, but all the same, she would never call her a friend again.
All at once, it came to her. Rainbow’s presence had always been a source of inspiration. She knew what to do.
She stood up. She turned and marched away, ignoring Rainbow. Even as the mare who was not her lover followed her with concerned questions. Out into the now dark street she went. After her tour, she had no trouble pointing herself away from the castle.
“Sunset, where are you going?” Rainbow called from behind.
She stopped for a moment, and then spoke to Rainbow for the last time. “Away,” was all she said.
She broke into a gallop. Out of Ponyville, soon enough out of Equestria. It was a place that tried to be her home, tried to be a replacement. But if she was going to lose her home and life, she needed to lose them completely. Having nothing was better than being surrounded by deformed copies.
With her new goal of sheer distance, she missed her car. But soon enough she left roads behind; there was only wilderness.
