Hi-Jinx

by FoxyMuffin

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 9539

I went into a cave, now I'm in Equestria with a tail, why do I have a tail!?

Don't you just hate it whenever you wake up and nothing goes your way? Well that's my new life now, all the time after this god sent me to Equestria I've been having bad luck all the time, I can't get the taste of apples out of my mouth, and there's a sentient hair-scrunchy that follows me around! Anyways, I go on adventures and stuff and I have to fight the nine robot master after getting the chaos force emerald and then I save the day to find out that the princess is in another castl- wait that's not it, oh yeah! I get en-debted to a stone snake and I go on adventures with him. (Also the title is a pun, tehe.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-24 21:34:38 UTC

Prologue

Enjoy the following prologue, if you experience irritation, lack of interest or plain boredom, it is because I am a mediocre author.

I felt the rushing relief of a breeze against the summer heat, the trees swayed along with the breeze, dancing. I was walking down the path I usually go when my parents start arguing or my dad comes home high, like usual. I can’t stand him when he’s high, he’s paranoid; defensive; easily agitated; and smells like he was in a chimney. My mom has been trying to get him to stop ever since they got married, but her efforts haven’t paid off.

Standing at five foot seven, I seemed like an easy target for muggers, so I always bring my pocket knife with me just in-case. The knife was easily hidden in my cargo pants, cargo pants they’re like Swiss Army knives, but pants! I shook my head from this random thought and focused on other things, the trees, the sky, and just life itself. I began to walk down a foot worn path without realizing since I was so lost in philosophical thought.

Once I had another burst of a couple random thoughts about how cheese and ice cream are related since they come from milk I realized I was going the wrong way. I looked around at my surroundings and saw that the trees were closer together, and the path was so foot worn and overgrown I couldn't see it. I decided to continue where I was going, hoping that it would lead me back to my neighborhood. The path became harder and harder to see the farther I walked and I began to walk in where-ever I could squeeze through since the tree began to cluster even more. The farther I went the more my gut said to turn and walk the other way but a part of my brain told me to keep going. The sun was just setting as I walked through the tree-line. Weird it feels like I've only been walking for at least thirty minutes… I thought. I looked around to see where I was. In front of me was a cave that had a flowing current of water in it because I could clearly hear the audible sound coming out of the mouth of the cave, and around the cave were more trees, lots and lots of trees that were too close together for me to navigate through, I sighed and turned around to try and go back through the forest and back to my neighborhood. All I found was that the trees somehow grew closer together, trapping me. I looked at the trees, befuddled, (yes, it’s a real word,) I began to think of a way out, but could think of none, I began to get worried as there was no means of food. I decided to go into the cave hoping that I would be able to take shelter and it’s nice to have a place to sleep, my father probably wouldn't even notice I’m gone.

I was right, there was a flowing waterfall in the cave, making it seem beautiful, I drank several handfuls of the water considering I haven’t drank anything all day. After rejuvenating my face by splashing water on it I looked around the cave to see if anyone else was in here. After exploring a little and not finding anything I moved closer to the mouth of the cave and found a comfy, well, not really comfy, but suitable spot. I sat down, my legs extended all the way and my back leaning against the rock, I closed my eyes, feeling the heavy curtain of sleep wrapping around me in a warm embrace.

I was in a field, there was a road with blood on it, then there was a thunderous crack and I was in what seemed like a prison, then I was in a small camp with a great stone statue, then blackness. Out of the dark I saw a great library, then an ear piercing screech, I was in a dark valley drenched in blood, and then I heard sobbing and I was in a forest, I approached the sound then hear a faint yell and the sound of flesh, bone, and meat being hacked through. I was in the dark again, in the middle of the darkness was a small light, it was a pearly white desk that towered over me, I was at the top, there were documents that had writing I couldn't understand, the words where written in a crimson ink. Wait, it was blood not ink, the words liquefied and then began to spell out my name, before it was finished I heard a loud BOOM! It sounded like an angry God smashing his hammer down in righteous anger.

I was in the cave again, all seemed normal, except it was brighter than I remembered; I looked towards the cave’s mouth and saw the light of the early morning shining in. I stood up popping my back. Oh man, that was one crazy dream. I looked around to see there was a silhouette in the water fall, I held my breath as I slowly reached into my pocket and took out the knife. ”You won’t need that.” Said a gentle yet booming voice. My eye widened, my hands shaking. ”Don’t be frightened I’m not here to hurt you.” The silhouette stepped out of the water to show a tall man standing at about six feet and seven inches, he had a light grey scruff of a goatee that made him look both old and young, soft green eyes that showed sternness and compassion, short hair that was the same color of his goatee. For someone that just walked through a waterfall his gray suit with black stripes seemed perfectly dry.

“I’m not scared.” I said feebly, my response was answered by a chuckle.

”Well then why are you shaking more than a Jenga tower about to fall?” He said smirking as he approached me, I tried to pull out my knife in instinct, but a part of my brain told me not to and my arm was stuck, not knowing what to do. He was in arm’s length away from me. ”May I ask you a question?” I was about to say something when he interrupted me, “Please, don’t answer that because I’m going to do it anyways. I've been watching you for some time, I’ve seen how you lose yourself in thought, imagining worlds beyond this universe’s comprehension, now, I can make this come true, but you have to do something for me.” I gave him a strange and defensive look.

“Have… Have you been spying on me.?” I asked, which was responded by, yet again, a chuckle.

”Yes and no, I have known you since you were born and before that, I've known you since the beginning of time.” He said completely serious.

“Are you high?” He chuckled some more. Geez, this guy chuckles too much, it’s like he was written by a bad author.

”No, no. Now, would you like to go to a place, more beautiful than you could possibly imagine?.” I thought about his question for a while.

“Yes, if you can take me to any place like what I imagine, any place, yes, it would be completely lovely.” I was serious. He smiled, and then nodded.

”Alright then.” He said and snapped his fingers, I was blasted back by a wall of energy and a light brighter than any star shined behind him. He began to fade into the light and was about to say something but was cut off as I hit my head against the back of the cave, knocking me out.

Well, I hope you enjoyed my re-write, I saw how horrible the prologue chapter was and I thought to myself, “What was I thinking, was I awake when I wrote this?” and so then this was born, I will be re-writing chapters, fixing my earlier errors.

Manticores and Apples.

Welp, I’m re-writing this one too, I’m going to probably do this for each chapter, well, I hope you enjoy, comment and like or just like if you liked this, if you disliked it then dislike this; say “You’re a horrible author you should go and kill yourself.” Or don’t, you’re choice, if you see any errors, please comment and tell me said mistakes or give constructive criticism.

My eyes slowly opened, my vision focusing and un-focusing, I winced as I felt a deep-rooted throb begin in the back of my head, I reached back and touched the spot, wincing as I brought my hand back to see I had blood on my fingers, I reached back with my other hand, not realizing my hand was covered in fur. I pulled my left hand back and saw there was no blood, and that’s when I noticed the fur. What the hell…? I stood up and felt some part of me touch the ground, it frightened me so I quickly turned around and saw a red fox’s tail. I felt my ears twitch as I heard some animal step on a branch; I reached up, panicking a bit feeling cat like ears. “What the hell is going on!?” I exclaimed to no one. My shout was answered by birds flying away in trees. I took a few breathes, trying to calm down, I did and I remembered the cave and what I agreed to. I looked down and saw that I still had my cargo pants and black shirt on, I checked my pocket to see if I had my pocket knife, sadly I didn't. I looked around and saw trees and a dirt road; I began to walk down the path.

After a while of walking I could hear the bustle of a small city, not too loud, but loud enough to determine it was civilization. The road split off into two directions, I took the one leading to the noise and was greeted by a pink pony? “Hi, my name’s Pinkie Pie.” It said in a high feminine voice that was full of energy and excitement. Its large eyes stared at me. “Ooooh. What are you? Are you a Diamond Dog? No you’re too red… Are you a Red Diamond Dog!?” She rambled on about what I could be, which I wasn’t even exactly sure what I was. Before I knew it she took a hold of my hand, paw rather, and started dragging me. “I got to throw you a BIG welcome party! There’s going to be balloons, and cake, and cupcakes, and ponies, and cupcake, and cake, oh, oh did I say cupcakes?” I looked frantically around, wondering what was going on.

I’ve gotten strange looks before, but the looks I got have to have been the strangest I have ever received. I was being dragged down the middle of the street, and being gawked at ponies of all shapes and sizes. Pinkie Pie, who somehow set up an entire party and invited everyone without leaving me, pushed me into a building, where everyone, excuse me, pony there yelled, “Surprise!” As I entered, their surprise died down as they saw what I was, and then they proceeded to give me strange looks. Pinkie Pie walked in, well, bounced in and continued to pounce to five other ponies, she bounced back bringing them over, introducing them. “This is Twilight Sparkle.” She pointed a hoof at a purple pony with a dark blue mane that had one purple and one pink stripe going through it, same for the tail.

“Hello.” She said with a smile.

“This is Rainbow dash.” She said pointing to a blue Pegasus that had a rainbow mane and tail. What am I doing here?

“Hey.” She said, seemingly bored by me.

“This is Rarit-“ Pinkie Pie was about to say something but was interrupted by a white pony that had a stylish purple mane and tail.

“Ugh, your clothes, they are completely horrid, the color schemes together look absolutely dreadful.” She said, looking at my clothes distastefully.

“This is Applejack.” Pinkie said, pointing a hoof at a tannish pony with a blonde mane and tail, while Rarity kept going on about my clothes.

“Howdy, pardon for ma' friend she uh, can act like that sometimes.” Applejack said before going to Rarity to get her to stop.

“And this is Fluttersh… Where’d he go?” Said Pinkie to an empty space and a wide open door.

I was running down the road, still somewhat panicking, It’s okay, I’m not crazy, I’m just still in bed, or I was drugged, yeah, that’s it, I was drugged. I thought, hoping I wasn’t crazy. I didn’t receive any weird glances this time as no one was on the streets, they were all at the party. I got to the part of the road where it split into two; I went down the other road I didn’t go down. As soon as I made that turn, she was right there; I fell back, frightened by this. “H.. How? How did you get here?” She cocked her head at my question.

“Why’d you leave the party?” She gasped, “Did you not like my party? B-but I had cake and balloons and cupcakes and cake and cupcakes…” She said, her eyes filling with tears. I scrambled to my feet, feeling guilty.

“N-no, that’s not it I just, uh…” I said, trying to make and excuse.

She gasped as she had an idea, “Do you not like me?” I shook my head as I saw she was about to cry. Geez this pony must be really sensitive about parties. I began to slowly walk backwards as her mane un-poofed and she began crying. When she stopped she saw that I was long gone.

”Well, I hope you’re happy, not even a day into this universe you made one of the mane six cry.” Said the weird man from the cave.

“Alright, who are you, are you some sort of wizard or magic man?” I asked to the man, talking to myself in the wilderness.

”I am the God of Miss-fortune.” The God said, catching me off guard with the sudden realization.

“So, you’re some sort of God, and you sent me here to do what exactly?” I asked puzzled.

”To act as a chess piece for me, a pawn, or a knight, to be my playing card, to be my champion.” The God said as my mind wrapped around each word.

“So you want me, to be some sort of hero, or knight for you?” He materialized in front of me and nodded.

”Yes. Now, walk with me and I shall explain.” He said, wrapping an arm around my neck as we walked down a forested path. ”The Gods of the multiverse have been called upon for a great tournament on the world of Equis, by a lord of chaos named Discord. Almost every God has picked a life form, or piece, to compete in this tournament; most are given powers higher than normal organisms. I decided, however, to not give you powers past the race of animal you are, but instead, I have decided to mold you to be above the regular cut. I will use my powers to set up the worst situations for you, even though I have been advised that my plan is ludicrous I will still carry through with it, if you prove yourself that you can handle anything, no matter how tough things are, I will reward you with a prize, what this prize is, will be revealed later.” The God said, smiling at me as we stopped in front of a tranquil pond, before blowing off in the wind, leaving me alone.

Alright, so I’m in this, “Chess Game.” I have a God that’s going to try and kill me at any chance he gets to get me to be stronger, and I am extremely hungry, so I might have been knocked-out for a couple days, this all is crazy, I'm probably still home asleep in bed… Yeah that's it... I wonder if there’s a number six pencil, or ten, what would they look like? Dammit, focus, alright, so I might as well study this body, and try and study the other creatures of this world to become a bad as- My train of thought was cut off by a loud roar, I instinctively transitioned to my left, moving from my original spot, watching a large manticore pounce right past me, if I hadn’t moved I would’ve been dead. I saw it stumble upon the ground as it turned around to chase me; I began running as fast as I could for the tree-line. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! The manticore flapped it’s wings and took up in the sky, then dive-bombed towards me, gaining speed and getting closer with each passing second, my heart began to beat faster and faster, echoing in my ears. The manticore extended its front paws out, trying to get me. I could feel his claws in the back of my shirt, and just as he was about to tear me up, I turned around and slide behind a tree, letting him go past me landing face, or should I say muzzle, first into a nearby tree.

I began to yank a some-what thick branch, breaking it off I rushed the manticore as it was getting up on to its paws. I used the branch to push it’s scorpion tail down as I began to hack at the base with my claws, ripping the tail off, and hearing the manticore roar out in pain and anger as it quickly turned around to attack, as it turned I brought the branch and used his speed to apply more force and damage than what normal would’ve happened, smacking the manticore across the face, disorientating him, I then threw my legs around him, mounting the manticore and began to hack and slash at its neck. The manticore roar in pain as it flew up into the air, hoping to make me fall off, I dug my claws deep into its neck to hold on, daring not to let go. The manticore began to do aerial twists and maneuvers to launch me off its back, but it just did more harm to itself than me. I looked up ahead to see we were about to fly over another pond from earlier, it turns out the manticore didn’t go that far from home. I let go with my claws but still straddled the creature as I began to cut around the neck, trying to hit the jugular or any other artery that carried oxygen to the brain, after striking both of them, blood began to pour from the creature’s neck as it quickly bled out, making us plummet from where we were, falling at an angle. Shit, shit, this was a bad idea; I’m going to hit the ground! Why do I taste appl- I was cut off as we smacked into the water.

The surface of the water began to calm down, the manticore’s blood now giving it a red tent. The water was disrupted again by me noisily breaking the surface of the water, gasping for air as I swam to shore, I began to cough up some water as I crawled on to the ground, breathing heavily I rolled on to my back. “I’m never… Doing that again.” I said breathlessly. Once I caught my breath I looked at the trees, and decided to make a bungalow or a canopy of some sort so I could sleep without being disturbed by any creature.

After weaving the branches together and using some tree-skin I got from the trees after removing its bark, I tied the branches together so they wouldn’t come apart. I sighed, “I hope this prize this God was talking about is worth all this.” I lied down in my canopy as the sun began to set. I wonder if this universe has coffee. I’m going to need some coffee, oh, and movies, I wonder if they have any movies similar to Mel Brook’s. I thought, letting my mind go this way and that, as I began to slowly drift asleep.

Well I hope you enjoyed my re-written version of this chapter, I removed the spoofs, because I wanted this story to be a bit more serious, but I will make several movie references as well as songs. Raggle Fraggle.

Prison and Star Wars references.

And I’ve re-written this chapter as well, so, without further ado here is the chapter.

I tried to open my eyes as the sun woke me, my eye lids, feeling like they were made of metal, fluttered open. I stood up and stretched my back, extending my arms as high as I could, making my back pop several times, I placed a han- paw on my neck and began to turn my neck, using my hand as support and lightly pushing, my neck then cracked, making multiple satisfying pops. I climbed down from the canopy, undoing my knots, letting the branches snap back to where they used to be and wobble a little, almost getting hit by the branches. I dropped down from where I was, bending my knees once I landed as to not damage my knees and ankles, (yes, because I walk on my toes now like most other animals.) Alright I’m going back to Ponyville to see if I can borrow some books. I stood back up and began to back track my way to the dirt road. I continued along the path, hoping that Pinkie wouldn't show up again. I looked down the path cautiously, looking down the road searching for Pinkie, after not seeing her I walked down the path, hoping she wouldn't pop out of no-where, after not seeing her I continued down the path.

I’m still getting those freaking looks... And I just noticed that we’re drawn, what kind of universe just has things drawn out? Like, with and outline and everything, what the heck? And why can’t I get the taste of apples out of my mouth!? I thought to myself as I approached Twilight’s library. I entered, seeing Twilight give me one of those weird looks I sighed and walked up to her, towering over her due to being bipedal and being slightly taller than I used to be, which is awesome. “So do you have any books?” I said, realizing how stupid my question was right after I said it, which it gave me a strange look and a gesture to all the books around us by Twilight. “I mean, any for borrow, like I check out some books and return them at a certain date for books about the animals in Equistria and a map?” She shook her head.

“No, sorry, you can’t borrow them, but you could rent them.” She said smiling.

“I, uh, don’t have any money right now, so do you think you could hold any books similar to what I asked for?” She nodded, and I left the library saying thank you as I stepped out. I saw a random hair-scrunch in front of me; I kicked it out of the way, not even questioning it. It rolled back towards me as soon as I began walking away, yet I didn’t notice.

Before I left the city to go back to where I had set up my original canopy, when I was stopped by some guards, “Don’t move criminal scum!” I stared at two pegasi guards and two earth pony guards that had spears and helmets; a leader unicorn who worn a grand helmet that was flashy, to show he was of command, and he had a scar across one eye and his horn was broken, a gem fitted to replace the missing half of his horn.

“I didn’t do anything!” I pleaded as the leader of the group scoffed.

“So you’re a criminal and a liar, why I wish I could kill you right here and now.” He said with a grizzly voice. “I know you killed two of my well trained guards and enslaved several civilians, you really are stupid to try and take refuge here.” He said as two of the pegasus guards pushed me forwards, I stumbled forwards and began walking with them, still wondering what was going on.

One of the two pegasi guards went in front, leaving one behind me, seeing this as a chance to escape I looked behind my shoulder and turned around quickly and pulling the bottom of my foot, paw, whatever up, smacking the pegasus right under the jaw, lifting him off the ground and knocking him out, the other guards turned around at the noise and I was already sprinting down the dirt path. I was about twenty yards away before I got hit in the back of my neck by a block of ice, knocking me out.

I woke up, strapped to a chair and a gem stone shining down on me, like in one of those old 1960s detective movies when they interrogate someone. “Ugh… Where am I?” I asked my head felt like it was going to explode from its pounding.

“You know why you’re here.” The unicorn from earlier said, looking at me with hatred in his eyes. “I’m done playing games with you Catalus, you WILL answer every question I ask or I’ll rip out your brain through your nose.” He yelled at me, giving me a funny idea that made me want to do something I've always wanted to do.

“What are you doing here in Equestria again!?” Staring me down like he was about to run a pike through someone.

“I don’t know what I am doing here myself. Also, you got the wrong guy, I’m not this ‘Catalus,’ guy.” I said, matching his stare with my own.

“Well then who are you?” He said, which I then responded with a smirk.

“I’m a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded with intrigue, sprinkled with riddles.” I said, chuckling to myself, my chuckling was ended by a smack to the face by a hoof.

“I WILL NOT BE MOCKED! Now, answer me!” I grunted from the pain, he left a large mark on my face, well, muzzle; I began to think of a fake name.

“I’m Jinx. I’m a traveling bard, all I’ve wanted to do was make a decent living, but it seems fortune has other ideas.” The guard chuckled at my response.

“Well, if you’re this bard, sing me a song.” My heart began to beat faster as I began to think for some random song.

“Uh… Alright, hold up.” I coughed, clearing my throat, when had a really good idea.

“We’re no strangers love.

You know the rules and so do I.

A full commitments what I’m, thinkin’ of.

You wouldn’t get this from any other thing?

I’m just tellin’ you how I’m feeling.

Tryin’ ta’ make you understand.” I sang as I played around with the guard, laughing on the inside.

“Stop please, stop! You’re singing wasn’t terrible, but that song, it’s like it was made for torture.” He exclaimed, signaling two of the earth ponies from earlier to come and take me away. They somehow un-did my bonds and led me through the hall. I saw that I was in a small fort that also doubled as a prison. I was pushed into a cell that was under poor condition.

“Well, it looks like shit went south.” I said to myself as soon as the guards left. I was in a small cell that had a hay-pile for a bed I guess, and a puddle of urine in one corner of the cell, the fort was pretty small, it resembled more of a tower than a fort because it had a roof and had several floors, on the first floor where the barracks for the guards, the second was an armory, and the last floor, the third floor was where the prisoners were held in poor conditions, several dead from disease or starvation. I studied the lock to see if it could be picked, it didn’t seem like it. I sighed, and then I remembered every single movie and T.V. show that had a prison break.

“H-Help! My leg is broken! I need help, please!” I cried out, hoping to get a guard to come by. Eventually one did, it was the pegasus I knocked out, he gave me a look of pure hatred and disgust.

“Let me see that leg!” He commanded. I limped closer to the bars and saw he had several keys. So movies and T.V. do help you after all! And when did this scrunchy get here!? I thought seeing the random scrunchy by my leg. The guard looked at my leg. “Eh, you’re fine you little,” He was cut off as I, yet again, knocked him out, slamming his head into the bars of the cell. I picked the keys up from his body and unlocked my cell door, swinging it open and taking his spear to deal with any guards that got in my way.

I saw a window that had no bars and I dashed towards it, hopping I could climb down or land in a nearby water source, but around the corner came a strolling two guards, one was a unicorn and the other a pegasus, Why is it that almost all guards are pegasi? Who saw me sprinting, knowing I was a criminal, one of them took a defensive position and the other flapped their wings so he could use his spear.

The unicorn shot a ball of fire at me and I dodged the fire ball as the pegasus dove at me, I used the bottom end of the spear to smack him out of the air and into some cell bars. The unicorn yelled for help as he nearly got me, getting really close to catching me on fire but just singed the fur on my shoulder a bit as the ball pasted by my head, I guess he wasn’t trying to be lethal, but I didn’t know this at that time and adrenaline took control, making me stab straight through the unicorn’s throat and sever its spinal nerve, it’s bottom half twitched and his eyes blinked once more before he died. I tried to remove my spear, but it was stuck in the adhesive that was used to keep the bricks of the tower together so I ditched the spear, and looked out the window and saw a small pond near a thin pine forest. I could hear guards running to where I was and I nervously looked back and forth, unsure of what to do, seeing no other option I took a deep breath and then dove out of the window and into the water, feeling it smack against my body making me wince in pain.

I took a deep breath of air as my head went above the water again. “I thought… I said I wasn't going to do that again.” Breathing deeply I stood up, feeling my damp fur get in the way of my eyes I moved it to one side as I began to walk through the pine forest to figure out where I was. The forest line is very thin; this dosen't look at all like the forested and fertile land I was just in. I wonder if there’s anything to eat here? I thought as I felt my stomach grumble loudly and I felt a sharp pain in my stomach making me wince. When was the last time I ate? I used my fingers to count the estimated days I’ve been here and nearly got a week, most of the time was spent knocked out. “Jesus, I haven’t eaten in more than a week!”  I exclaimed, walking through the forest without knowing and feeling my stomach growl again with another sharp pain. I wonder if there are any deer here.

Here, have a transition.

“He what!?” Yelled Iceberg, the unicorn’s booming voice bellowed through the small study.

“He-He escaped sir; he just jumped out the window…” Said a cowering pegasus, fearing his officer would lash out at him at his response.

“Well then send a search party after him you twit!” Iceberg yelled, smacking the pegasus against the head with a hoof, making his helmet hit the wall and his eye close shut making him yell in pain as the unicorn’s hoof made contact with the side of his head.

“I-I’ll assemble it now sir.” The new guard said as he rushed out of the room as the captain through a book at the wall in his rage.

Transition!

Do dooo di do do, mah na mah na, do di di dooo, mah na mah na, do doooo di do do di do do Imma filling my stomach. I thought as I took a bite out of a rabbit I just killed, not having the time to cook it I just peeled away the skin with my claws, I dug into the rabbit, ending up eating all of the meat on the small thing, I broke one of the bones, sucking out the marrow. Welp, I better get moving, the farther I am from the tower, the better. I got up and dusted myself, popping my back and then I set off through the trees, walking several meters before being content and found a soft patch of dirt and laid down in front of a cracked boulder. I slowly let sleep wash over me like the waves of the sea.

I was in a temple and a blinding white light at the top of the room, as I approached it I was enveloped in darkness. I re-emerged in a large plot of land, the green of the used to be grass replaced by the crimson red of blood, I turned to my left and was struck down by an axe with another thunderous BOOM.

I woke up, drenched in sweat, Why do I keep having these dreams? I stood up and stretched my back, sighing in the process. I was popping my back when a large stone statue of a snake with wings lunged out at me, my eyes widening from surprise I relied on my limbo skills to bend back, watching the snake fly over my head, my paws touched the ground as to give me supports as I pushed myself back into a standing position, not wanting to die I ran as fast as I could, trying to escape, I came to a dead stop when the tree next to me began melting from some form of acid, “Don’t move.” The air around me vibrated out the words.

“Where’s the rest of your hunting party?” Asked the snake in a deep voice, I could clearly tell he was asking because he had slithered in front of me and was staring me down.

“W-what?”

“Don’t play dumb, now where’s the rest of your hunting party!?” He demanded, not really asked.

“I have no idea what you are talking about. And wow those are some really nice fangs I might add, and your eyes, there’s so… Purple, oh and your skin is just drop dead gorgeous.” I said, trying to compliment him to soften up. I was replied with a tackle, apparently he didn’t like compliments.

“Telling why I shouldn’t kill you now Diamond Dog?” He asked, his mouth opened like he was about to sink his fangs in to me.

“One, I’m not a Diamond Dog; two, I have a name; three if you kill me now, I will become more powerful than you could ever imagine.” I said, always wanting to use that line. The serpent lightened up on me, his eyes dimming.

“How’d you know that reference?” He asked, apparently knowing where I got that from, making my eyes go wide.

“How’d YOU know that reference?” I asked, both of us just staring at each other before coming to the only logical conclusion.

”YOU’RE HUMAN!?” We both exclaimed in unison.

Well, our hero has met Opal, this took me a while to finish cause I have been distracted for a long while, anyways, in the next addition of a story that is very rarely viewed we will meet another character and receive a *SPOILER* and *SPOILER* and it turns out that his father was *SPOILER* and everyone knew at that moment that the killer was *SPOILER* ... Raggle Fraggle!

The Arena

It happened so fast I didn’t realize I was being dragged off until I felt my head thump against the ground repeatedly. The last thing I noticed before I hit my head against a large rock was a small creature that looked like a Griffin being snatched off the back of the large snake statue, several Diamond Dogs being cut in half by the statue’s wings, and blood from those Diamond Dogs splatter on my face.

My vision slowly faded into focus after I was able to get my eye lids to open, I then noticed my legs and hands were in shackles. My shackles clanged noisily as I shook them, drawing attention from some Diamond Dogs.

“Look, he woke.” Said a deep oafish voice.

“Should we tell Buster?” Said a higher pitched voice.

“No, we can get him to work.” Said the deeper voice and I felt myself being lifted into the air. “He’s so small.” That sentence annoyed me, back on Earth I was never the tallest, but definitely not the shortest. And here I thought I could be a part of that tall crowd, since my new body is several inches taller, but being lifted in the air like it was nothing, proved me wrong. I began to squirm around trying to get out of the firm hold.

“Let me go you mutt!” I kicked back hitting the Diamond Dog in between the ribs knocking the air out of him, earning an oof out of him, and he let me go and I fell forward landing on my muzzle sending a very sharp pain along my snout. “OW! Ow, ow, ow, ooaw!” I held my muzzle between my hands paw things. In my moment of pain I heard a chuckle behind me from the second Diamond Dog.

“Get up Rufus; we need to bring him to the rest of the slaves.” Rufus grumbled something under his breath as he picked me up against his chest, making sure I couldn't kick him this time. I, not being one to let someone pick me up because it made me feel VERY small, squirmed as I tried to get out of his hold, failing since he was much stronger than me.

“Here’s your stop runt.” And with that he dropped me and connected my shackles to some other creatures’, one was a mid-night blue mare who looked like she had given up hope of escaping years earlier, and the small Griffin who was on the stone statue’s back. Rufus gave me a pick axe that was very dull and light, I would’ve used it to put a canyon in between Rufus’ skull, but there were several Diamond Dogs with spears close by. “What are you waiting for runt, work!” Rufus hit my soar muzzle in a downward strike, not doing it hard, but still it got a pained yelp out of me. I guessed he wanted me to start hitting the gems in the side of the tunnel, so I started slamming my pick axe against the wall.

Once Rufus was gone I turned my head to look at the small Griffin who had to balance on his hind legs and use his forward ones to wield the pick axe. “Hey, you.” I whispered over to the Griffin, who look around a little bit and saw me, recognizing me almost instantly.

“You, this is your fault! You were just some bait that the Dogs were using to capture me again!” He whispered threateningly at me, which wasn’t that threatening to begin with because his voice was relatively too high and he was whispering for fear that a Diamond Dog would punish us for talking.

“What? Why would I be in shackles,” I said, rattling my shackles for effect, “If I was a part of a plan to help these Diamond Dogs? That would make no sense what so ever.” The Griffin ignored me and went back to work, as did I. That tunnel was the most depressing, dirty, dark, grimy, utterly BORING tunnel I’ve ever been in! So to keep up my spirits I began to quietly hum a little rhythm, that quite hum turned into a loud one and that loud hum turned into whistling. A few other slaves joined in with the whistling, confusing the Diamond Dogs, they were un-sure if they should punish us or let us have this one bit of happiness. A few of the Diamond Dogs snapped at us, some yelled, others turned a blind eye, but one quieted everyone with a loud yell.

“WHAT’S WITH ALL THIS NOISE!?”A deep, furious voice that boomed through the tunnel, echoing off the walls, hurting my ears. Some of the Diamond Dogs whimpered while the others ran around the corner of the tunnel to pretend they were watching a different group of slaves, and most groveled at the Diamond Dog that was approaching this direction. This Diamond Dog looked different from the others, he didn't have an under bite, he didn't look like a oafish brute, but he wasn’t small like some of the other Diamond Dogs, this one looked as if he was intelligent, but still stronger than all the Diamond Dogs in this tunnel, he stood a good foot taller than me, he had a coat of fur that was a dark grey with bronze stripes of fur running through the grey, his eyes were also a light bronze that shined in the dark tunnel. “Who started this!?” He demanded, and the Diamond Dogs closest to him pointed, to me. The Diamond Dog stomped up to me enraged, and struck me right on the nose.

“JESUS! OW! REALLY!? THIS IS THE THIRD TIME TODAY!” I cupped my nose which was screaming in pain and throbbing intensely.

“What about you!? Did you, encourage this as well!?” The Diamond Dog yelled at the small Griffin next to me.

“Bite me.” The Griffin replied, making me have to hold back a chuckle.

“You insolent bird brain!” The Diamond Dog struck the Griffin, hard, making him fall to the ground, tears forming in his eyes. This, was the last straw, I was fine with being hit and yelled at, but, abusing a child and forcing them into slavery to me, is a death sentence. The Diamond Dog was about to strike again, but I jabbed a thumb into his eye, making him yelp in pain, I didn’t give him time to recover, so I grabbed him by the fur on his chest and pull him towards me, punching him in the snout as hard as I could, I heard cracking of bone before I heard the crying. I was about to start biting when the other Diamond Dogs surrounded me and got the Diamond Dog I was beating out of my hold. One of the Diamond Dogs approached me.

“What is your name!?” He demanded forcefully.

“Jinx” I spit in his eye, in response, he punch me in the gut hard enough to make me drop to my knees.

“Now we know what to put on your grave stone.” He ordered some other Diamond Dogs to carry me into a small room.

“You stay, tomorrow, you fight Pyropus.” And with that they left me in the room.

In the morning, I assume it was the morning; two Diamond Dogs dragged me out of the room and into the big auditorium, that had a rack of stone weapons, a pit filled with spikes and dead Diamond Dogs whose bodies look like they were mauled by a grizzly bear, and a crowd of Diamond Dogs that formed a half circle since there is a wall of stone blocking it from being a full circle.

“Wow… I feel like I’m a gladiator right now…” I mumbled to myself. After a few minutes of Diamond Dogs settling in and chattering idly to each other a drum boomed on a platform that is in between the pit and the half circle of seats for an audience, hushing everyone.

“This creature, known as Jinx,” A roar of boos sounded through the audience, “Has dishonored our Pyropus' son, and according to tradition, must fight with Pyropus.” I saw who was talking and he looked very similar to the Diamond Dog I had beaten, I assumed they were related. “So, without further ado, let the slaughter begin!” He exclaimed and a loud wave of cheers brought through the crowd as a door was opened.

A tall Diamond Dog, that I assume is Pyropus, stepped out, he had a bronze coat of fur with black stripes and had dark bronze eyes that stared at me with indifference. He unsheathed a sword that looked very familiar, it wasn’t crudely made like the other weapons I’ve seen the Diamond Dogs use, this was a finely made blade, it looked to be recently polished and sharpened, it had an intriguing design, but I didn't get to study it for long, because it was heading towards my throat, I swiftly dodged, some of my fur was shaved from mere contact with the blade of the sword. This frightened me, it let me know that the sword was sharp, and from the dull look in Pyropus’ eyes he was plainly bored and wasn’t really trying to kill me, even though he swung the sword swiftly and expertly, almost taking my head off several times. After dodging a strike, that nipped my ears, I dashed forwards, towards the rack filled with weapons; I hurriedly grabbed a hand ax that looked like it would break after hitting a flower.

I parried a thrust from Pyropus to the left and swung a back hand strike that was dodged and I felt a pain shoot up my leg as he brought his sword across my leg, not cutting deep, but just creating a long cut across my leg. He was toying with me, not taking me seriously, I stumbled back to the weapons rack and grabbed another ax, this one smaller and really meant for throwing, I barely dodged a thrust from Pyropus after I retrieved it, the blade Pyropus was using got stuck in the wood of the rack, this surprised him and gave me enough time to land a successful blow, cutting into his chest, but not that deep since he pulled back as soon as my ax touched him. The crowd gasped when they saw I hit Pyropus, and gasped again as I threw my smaller ax at Pyropus, which he expertly dodged. Now Pyropus wasn't bored, he was intrigued. I scrambled and grabbed a mace that was unevenly weighted, so I held it in a way that would bring the heavier side on him when ever I strike. He did an overhead chop which I blocked with my ax which was in my left hand and I did a wide, quick, swipe with my mace, hitting his idle arm, making him yelp. He growled and lunged again, striking fast this time, I tried to block with my mace but he snaked around it and dis-armed my mace from me, and pushed me, making me fall down. He was on me in seconds, trying to stab my throat; I blocked with my ax and collected a hand full of loose, ground up, gravel and threw it in his eyes, temporarily blinding him. He flinched back, and I took this moment and choked up on the handle of my axe and struck at his right arm, the arm he’s been fighting with, cutting deep, making him scream in pain, he was furious and lunged down, biting into my shoulder, puncturing deep into my shoulder, making me scream in pain and hold back tears, he would’ve reached the bone if I hadn't brought my ax into the right side of his neck, lodging it in his neck. I push him off me and grabbed his sword as he scramble to get up, with rage fueling me I drove the blade deep into his spine, twisting it and feeling the resistance of his vertebra which broke with time. He was dead but, just for good measure, and because I was really angry, I chopped off his head, and threw it into the pit.

________________________________________________________________________________

Chuckling to myself, I knew that this ‘Jinx’ would fail, no one has ever survived fighting my father, he’s the best warrior I’ve ever seen, killing countless of dogs and slaves, all of them challenging his authority. ‘Jinx deserves to die more than any of the challengers before him, this one struck me! No creature ever strikes me! Aercus! Diamond Dogs whimper when they smell my scent drawing close, ponies shake when I come near, Griffins weep when they hear my paw steps. And this- this THING has the gall to strike me! I hope my father makes him die slowly.’

“What’s father doing?” I heard my brother mumble as he leaned over the stone railing, curious, I saw my father rubbing his eyes and I saw ‘Jinx’ sink his ax into my father’s arm, making him scream, and my heart skipped a beat, but it regained its normal beat as I saw my father bite down into ‘Jinx’s’ shoulder making him scream, this brought a grin on my face, which turned quickly changed into a horrified look of shock as my father was killed, and his head chopped off and thrown into the pit. I could feel tears about to make their way out of my eyes so I stormed away so no one could watch me cry.

________________________________________________________________________________

The entire crowd was awe struck at what just happened, how I hadn't died, and how their greatest warrior, their leader, their Alpha had just died. Even the Diamond Dog who had announced our fight was taken aback, he didn't look devastated, or angry, just, stunned. He finally got a hold of himself and cleared his throat. “Ahem.. Uh, Jinx has just defeated Pyropus, and tradition mandates him, the new Alpha…” Now it was my turn to be shocked, apparently I have just been given the right to control an entire horde of Diamond Dogs, how many were there, one hundred, on thousand, ten thousand!? How am I supposed to lead these Diamond Dogs, and why would they trust me to? I had just killed their leader, and beaten his son. ’Okay, calm down, remember, this is still a dream, so just go with the flow.’ I shook my head and put on a confidant face and tried to ignore the pain in my shoulder and leg, mainly my shoulder since it’s in a very bad condition, and would take a month or two to heal since Pyropus’ teeth had damaged my shoulder muscles.

“As my first command as Alpha, I want every child slave, and any slave who has not committed a crime freed and escorted to the borders of Equestria by a squad of three Diamond Dogs.” My voice boomed, louder than I thought it would be. Some of the Diamond Dogs gave questioning, and even rebellious glances, “Or do you want to see if you can best me in this arena?” I yelled, challenging any who want to rebel against my order, a few did, but they were easy compared to Pyropus and I finished them without that much of a challenge, through under handed tactics and eye shots. Once the few rebellious Dogs were killed, about five or so, the rest of the Dogs grumbled and went to go release the slaves. As I was walking through the door that Pyropus had enter the arena through, I was confronted by the son of Pyropus that I didn't fight.

“You.” He said accusingly.

“Me.” I said sarcastically and jokingly, expecting him to want to fight me, so I was just going to piss him off.

“How did you beat my father? Do you have some sort of magic by your side, or are you some form of spawn from Tartarus?”

“Wait, what did you just say?” I asked, confused. ‘How does he know about Greek Mythology. Wait, this is a dream, it’s my unconscious.’ I thought, mentally chuckling to myself.

“Tartarus…” He said, confused.

“Oh, TARTARUS, I thought you said tortoise.” I said, chuckling to myself to add to the affect.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Oh, well yes, I’m obviously a spawn from Tartarus.” I said, sarcastically, but not heavy on the sarcasm, that would ruin the flavor of his reaction.

“I knew it! Only a demon could kill Pyropus.” He said, making an entourage that, I guess was supposed to be my guard, had formed closed to me, back away slowly, scared that their new Alpha is a demon. ‘Maybe this could benefit me to keep a rebellion from happening.

“Yes, now his soul is in Tartarus, I’ll say hi to him in a couple thousand years when I’m finished here, well, you could say hi for me.” I said, chuckling as I tried to walk away, but Pyropus’ son grabbed my left arm.

“Don’t joke about things like that; my father was a great Alpha.” He said accusingly, getting spittle on my face that I wiped off.

“Look, if you want to settle this violently, then you can fight me in the arena and have your head on the spike next to your father’s or you can calm down and take a chill pill.” I said angrily, a small growl forming in my throat. Pyropus’ son stormed off, furious, but not dumb enough to fight me in the arena. Sighing to myself I was shone to my room, and given crude bandages for my wounds, after applying them tightly I lied down on a stone platform that had sort of a tattered cotton mattress on it with a torn silk blanket. My eyes closed within a few moments, the heavy curtain of sleep falling on me.

An Unexpected Turn of Events.

I woke up to an empty void, confusion running its course through my brain.

“Where am I?” I asked myself and surprisingly got an answer as I turned to my left to see the only thing in the void, the ‘god’ that sent me here, he looked disappointed.

“You’re in a place called Inanis, why you might ask yourself, because YOU DIED OF INFECTIONS! I mean, come on, of all the ways someone could die, you died from infections because you were too lazy to fully wash your wounds!” He yelled at me and my ears tucked down to protect themselves from the harsh sound waves. “I mean, I don’t even know what to do to you, I’ve never, NEVER had a pawn die. Never, ever! You’re the first one!” I looked down, avoiding eye contact because I felt ashamed.

“I’m sorry…” I said with a dry, weak voice, barely audible unlike the god’s booming voice.

“A sorry won’t be able to fix this! I’m going to have to find ANOTHER pawn; do you want to know how long it took me to find you? Three thousand years, three THOUSAND! I mean, how could you be so stupid!? A toddler could’ve survived this, they would’ve at least washed their wounds, but no! You had to be like Rambo and go ‘I don’t need no anti-bacterial soap’ and then you died!” He yelled, flustered and pacing, I just continued to look down into nothingness, scared and ashamed. ’I’m dead… Like, dead, dead…’ I thought, dumbfounded and on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

“C-can’t you just send me back in?” I asked, trying to weasel my way back to the mortal realm.

“No, I can’t, I don’t have the power to do so. But I do have the power to infuse your soul into an object or dead body down there. But you’ve messed up so badly I’m just infuriated with you and your incapability to just STAY ALIVE!” He snapped his fingers and I was suddenly in a boiling vat of acid, screaming as my flesh, muscle and fur slowly melted from my bones. After what seemed like a life time he snapped his fingers again and my agony was gone and the vat had vanished. The god sighed, satisfied with my punishment. “You can stay here as I find another pawn. And, if he dies, I might infuse your soul into his body.”

“Alright.” I choked out, my throat dry and soar from screaming. And then off he went to find a new pawn, and there I sat… alone… in darkness.