The Coolest Mare Ever

by little big pony

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1202

Twilight is the coolest mare in the world. She's the coolest mare in any world really. Like cooler than a new book. Today, she brings that coolness to a whole new world.

Twilight is the coolest mare in the world. She's the coolest mare in any world really. Like cooler than a new book.

Today, she brings that coolness to a whole new world.

Artist is TJ pones

Published 2019-08-27 22:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-08-27 22:50:02 UTC

Some Things are Better Left Unread

Author's Note

Just a short thing I whipped up. I refuse to apologise.

Some Things are Better Left Unread

In the small town of Humanville, a girl named Stacy was making her way down the street. Now, Stacy was a lot like other women her age. She worked at a job to support herself, she was there for her friends whenever they needed her, and she had overly large teats.

Like hugely large. Uncomfortably big compared to what they were actually supposed to do. So big that they bordered on ugly. We’re talking too large in size.

Now Stacy, huge teats and all, was walking down the street ready to get back to her apartment. The woman was tired; her workday had been long and she wanted nothing more than to kick up her feet, get something in her stomach, and relax until she had to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. Waiting for her back at her apartment was her boyfriend Jon, who should have gotten home from his job at the petting factory a few hours prior.

Stacy couldn’t help but feel her stomach tighten just a hair at the thought of her boyfriend. She hadn’t been a very good girlfriend to him lately. She had been ignoring him lately, and whenever she did pay any attention to him it was to verbally berate him over something minor and silly. Jon was never the type to argue or fight back, meaning he just took whatever she threw at him without much of a fuss.

For weeks she had been treating him pretty poorly, but this morning she had gone too far. She didn’t even remember the reason for her snap--something about her boyfriend not putting the cereal away properly she was pretty sure--but she had exploded, unleashing all of her anger and frustration from work that she had been experiencing on Jon. Up until she had stormed outside of their apartment this morning she had screamed at him, and for the first time since she could remember Jon hadn’t taken her words very well.

It wasn’t her fault, not really. She was a very nice, sweet human girl most of the time; giant teats nonwithstanding. It was just work, and the fact that some of her close friends were fighting, and she had been losing sleep for reasons that she couldn’t figure out. She didn’t mean anything she had said this morning. She cared about her boyfriend, and it really didn’t sit well with her what she had done to him.

So, with that in mind, she had taken some steps to make it up to him. As soon as she had gotten off work, she had gone and got three pizzas from Jon’s favorite pizza place. She had even gone and gotten his favorite cider, as well as haven taken off work for the next few days. As soon as she got home she intended to apologise to him and spend the next few days making it up to him any way that she could.

With gifts in hand, she made it up the steps of her building, made her way down the hall, said hello to anyone that she passed, until she stood at the front door of her apartment. Hands filled as they were, she wasn’t able to open the door, so she kicked it a few times with her weird hand-hooves, hoping that her boyfriend would hear it.

“Jon?” she called. “I’m home. Can you open the door for me please? I’m carrying stuff.”

There was a pause. In the near silence of the hallway, she could hear someone inside of their apartment moving around. Stacy took a step back as the doorknob was turned. When the door was finally opened, revealing who stood on the other end of it, the young woman nearly dropped what was in her hands.

Twilight Sparkle, coolest, toughest, and prettiest of all of the alicorns looked up at her. Stacy had heard about Twilight Sparkle; everyone on Earth had. She had heard all of the stories about the mare and her friends, all of villains that they had beaten, all of the triumphs they had accomplished. The mare was so famous that within ten minutes of speaking to the representatives of planet everyone had begged her to allow them to set up a religion with her as the main idol of worship.

Twilight declined their offer, saying she didn’t wish to be worshipped as a god, though she might as well have been one. She had also turned down the harem of good-looking, loose men that the various nations had offered her, saying that she was a one-stallion mare that wanted nothing to do with sock-wearing thots.

The greatest of princesses was, of course, wearing her famous cool-mare sunglasses, her mane perfectly styled and neat as she looked up at the awestruck woman.

“Hello,” she said with a slight dip of her head.

Stacy nearly dropped to her knees in reverence. She would have, if she didn’t remember Twilight saying not to do that when a news crew did it for her a few weeks back. Mouth agape, she tried to form words, which turned into babbling.

The door was opened more, revealing a disheveled Jon. He was in just his underwear, covered in sweat and his hair a mess. He placed a hand on Twilight’s back as he looked at her.

“A… Jon? What is Twilight Sparkle doing in our apartment?” Stacy managed to force out.

Twilight pulled off her sunglasses, revealing a smaller, cooler pair underneath them. “Not your apartment anymore,” she said, pointing a hoof at the woman. “It’s mine, just like your stallion here.”

It took several seconds for Stacy to process just what she had heard. “I… um… excuse me?” she asked, wanting to voice her outrage but also wanting not to cause a scene in front of the princess.

“Twilight came into my work and said that I was her stallion now,” Jon said. “She brought me home and we made love for ten hours straight.”

“I blew his back out,” Twilight said.

“She blew my back out,” Jon agreed, nodding his head. “Now I want nothing more than to stay in our home and cook her hay burgers and read books with her in between bouts of intense, passionate lovemaking. I’m a house husband now, Stacy. A house husband to the coolest, best, toughest mare in the whole world.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“STOP LAUGHING!”

Twilight looked around the room, furious beyond belief. The mare’s face was cherry-red, her ears pinned to the sides of her skull. Floating next to her, clenched tightly in her magic, was a notebook that the world was never supposed to see.

In front of her were Spike, Starlight, and Jon. All three were on the floor, holding their sides, tears streaming down their faces. Starlight was the only one that seemed able to laugh, the unicorn doing so very loudly, while Jon and Spike struggled not to pass out from lack of oxygen.

“YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO READ THAT!” Twilight yelled, stomping her hoof. “THIS IS A PERSONAL DIARY! DIDN’T YOU READ THE FRONT?!”