The Curse of the Energy Drink
Chapter One: Revenge of the Vengeance
Written by: Rocco Roccs
Directed by: Micheal Bay
Staring: Bruce Willis (as Bon Bon)
Produced by: Shet Posters INC
Co-staring: Emilio Estevez (As Lyra because we ran into budget issues)
"Bon Bon, Can you pass me my drink from the fridge?" Lyra asked from her comfy place in her chair near the window. She had always loved looking out her window, basking in the warm morning sunlight as it cascaded through the wavy glass. Outside, Ponyville was just waking up for the day as she watched ponies begin to stir from their patchwork houses and mill about the green soft grass. Lyra was just thinking of what she might do with her day off when Bon Bon returned from the kitchen with her tall, frosty beverage. "Would you like to go for a trot later?" Lyra asked, still gazing out the window at the beautiful day.
"Sure! Just so long as we are back in time for dinner. The Fetlocks are coming over later and you know how they get when dinner is not ready." Bon Bon said as she held Lyra's drink in one hoof and grabbed the tab to open it with her teeth. "Do you want me to open it for you?" She asked as her mouth struggled with the tab.
"Yes, please!" Lyra said as she turned to face her. To Lyra's horror, she saw that Bon Bon wasn't holding the drink she wanted. She had wanted a nice Sparkle Cola that she had gotten at the store the day before! But the drink Bon Bon was hold was something far more sinister... It was a drink that had been given to her by a pony wearing a dark cloak who spoke in old ponish in a secluded alleyway just outside of town.
Lyra had taken the drink from him out of fear of turning down the mysterious give. He was just so insisting that it had lead her to believe that she had better do as she was told, less she suffer the consequences. The old pony had warned her that if she were to ever open it, the release of the co2 would serve as a call for a fears creature, one so feared that it was cast out of Equestria over 1001 years ago. Lyra shrieked in horror as she tried to stop Bon Bon from releasing the ancient beast from it's bounds.
"BON BON, NO!!!" She screamed, but it was far too late, the seal had been broken.
*chachich!*
The can let out a loud crack and hiss and Bon Bon's teeth found the right spot on the tab and pried it free. Lyra looked on in shock as she began scanning the room for a dark presence to form or show its ugly head. But there was nothing, just the soft hum of their Chill Master air conditioner as it quietly hummed away. Bon Bon looked back to Lyra in confusion before speaking.
"What in the blue blazes is wrong with you? It's just a drink!" She said as she offered it to her. Lyra repulsed in fear from the now frothing black can of green liquid.
"Bon! That's no ordinary can of cool beverage, it's..." Lyra began, but fell short of finishing her sentence as the floor began to shake. Slow at first, but it soon grew to a roar as even the pictures on the wall began to fall one by one. The one of her and Bon Bon at the lake, the one they took at the PMV to get their trotting license even the one they took of a picture frame at Highkia. All of them fell to the floor.
Lyra looked outside and to her dismay, the once beautiful day had passed. The blue bird skies and warm sun had been replaced by dark foreboding clouds and a cold breeze that was setting ponies outside to shiver violently. The growing rumbling was quickly giving way to the scream of the wind as it tore at the roof of their affordable housing. Beyond the howl and whistling wind, a new more terrifying sound began to come into ear shot.
"Lyra... Do you hear that?" Bon Bon said, still clutching the drink in a hoof.
"Yeah! What is it?"
Far off in the distance came a pony, skinny and almost creepy in the way it ran. His mane was spiked on end and it appeared that he had bleached the tips blond making it to look like deadly spikes. His hoofsteps roared like thunder as they pounded deep enough into the ground to send huge clumps flying into the air behind him. The sound they were hearing was not the wind. It was of the buck screaming incomprehensibly as he ran at full speed directly towards their affordable housing.
"LYRA! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Bon Bon shouted as the buck came into view over the last hill before their home. Lyra was glued to the window, frozen in shock and fear from what hell they had just unleashed onto Ponyville. Everywhere outside, ponies were running for their lives. One who ran too close to the buck was hurled with a swift kick into the air so high that neither of the two shocked mares saw him fall. With a might "Yeet", they watched as he charged straight through a tree as if it were made of paper. "LYRA! WE HAVE TO GO!"
But it was too late. The buck ran up to their house and stopped. He then rared back and began punching at the siding of their home with reckless abandoned. His rapid blows through Lyra from her chair and onto the ground, each one hitting with more force than the last. Each blow being met with an equally terrifying battle cry.
"YEET, YEET, YEET!" The buck screamed as hoof after hoof found purchase into the soft stucko siding of their home. Crack began to from in the drywall and soon the two of them were seeing the gloomy skies through holes that were forming. Lyra began to crawl backwards away from the wall, straight into Bon Bon who was screaming back to the enraged buck.
"STOP! I FORGOT TO PAY OUR INSURANCE PREMIUM!" She squeaked in dismay. With a mighty yeet, the buck smashed his head through the drywall and locked eyes on the can in Bon Bon's hoof. He began to froth at the mouth in the same manner as the can had when freshly opened. The due looked on in shocked horror as he began to convulse and twitch. veins in his neck were beginning to show clearly as his pent up anger grew to a fever pitch!
"GIVE ME THE PONSTER!" He growled through foaming and nashing teeth. Lyra began to paw at Bon Bon's hoof, trying to pry the drink from her firmly clinched fetlock, but Bon Bon was holding fast to the aluminum can.
"NO! NOT UNTIL YOU FIX THE HOLE IN MY DRYWALL!" She shouted. But this was the wrong thing to say, her words only fueled his rage further, causing him to thrash violently. The whole house began to shake and tremble from the force he was exuding. Lyra finally managed to free the drink from Bon Bon and threw it head long into the bucks mouth. He froze, pausing only to drink the contents with such force that the can collapsed into a singularity, disappearing from the very dimension they were in. With a massive belch that reeked of gurana and caffeine, he threw himself at the wall, exploding it into hundreds of white powdered pieces.
"I HATE DRY WALL!" He screamed as he began smashing his hoof into any surface that was flat and made of the substance. Chunks of Drywall flew into the air as he smashed hole after hoof shaped hole into their affordable housing.
Working his way from the living room to the kitchen, he began smashing his head into the walls to inflict as much damage as possible. Pausing at the radio, he fumbled with the stations until he found one he liked and turned it up as loud as it would go. The two shook mares looked on in horror as he began tearing their home down around them.
"WHAT IS THAT AWFUL SOUND!?" Lyra shouted among the cacophony.
"I THINK IT'S FIVE HOOF DEATH STOMP!" Bon Bon shouted back as she pulled Lyra out the front door and onto the street in front of their now low income housing. "This is terrible! Our home!" She shouted.
"I tried to stop you! That drink was cursed! I got it from a creep old pony!" Lyra pleaded, but it was no use. The buck had already found his way to the utilities closet and was turning his rage on the house's infrastructure. With a deep, guttural roar the two watched as their Chill Master air conditioner was thrown from the wreckage and into their neighbor's home, punching a hole in their wall. Roseluck, who had not yet been mentioned in this story, opened a window and yelled to Bon Bon and Lyra in the street. "SUING!"
"Not the chill master! I'm still making payments on that from Homeless Depot!" Bon Bon screamed and she fell into Lyra's waiting chest to cry.
"I tried! I tired to stop you!" Lyra cried back, but Bon Bon only punched her in the ribs.
"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT TALKING TO STRANGERS!? Who, in their right mind, would keep a cursed energy drink in the fridge next to the milk and eggs!? WHO!?" Bon Bon screamed into Lyra's face. Lyra only blinked out of sync and began to drool.
"You told me not to talk to strangers. But you never said I couldn't accept gifts from them!" Lyra retorted.
"Gifts!? GIFTS!? Where are we going to LIVE!? Our home is destroyed!" Bon Bon shouted as she pointed a shaking hoof to the smoking wreckage that was their home.
The buck, almost on command, jumped from the large hole in the wall and began pounding his chest with his hooves. "I'M KYLE AND MY MOM IS A CUNT!" He screamed, sending everypony in a forty mile radius to cover their ears in shock from his profanity. He then leaped through the hole in Roseluck's wall and began systematically tearing her house down, one 4 by 8 sheet of gypsum at a time.
"SCREW YOU KYLE!" Lyra screamed in anger. "YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD LAWYER!"
But there was no stopping his energy drink fueled destruction now, he had tasted the power of pure caffeine and was powered by angst. The town watched on in disbelief as their homes were torn down one by one. Even the mane 6 could not stop him. Twilight's magic was no match for Kyle's insatiable taste for kicking her in the face. Pinkie Pie Did little more than laugh and Applejack was too busy forcing her little sister to do child labor. Rarity made a dress, but this just enraged kyle further, causing him to smudge her mascara and pull at her weave. Fluttershy was completely useless as she hid under a chunk of unbroken drywall, but was later yeet'd into the core of the earth when Kyle's eyes fell on the smooth supple unpunched surface.
Rainbow dash tried to stop him... But ended up joining in on the destruction. Fearing that all of Equestria would be lost, Princess Celestia and Luna both launched an all out nuclear defensive, leveling the small towns and villages of Equestria proper. It would later be dictated that they had been fighting a war against Zebras and they they had to act fast to save Equestria. The launch was not only aimed at Equestria, but Zebrica as well. The media would be ordered to spin the narrative than the Zebra's had started it and they both nuked each other, rather than tell the horrible truth of incompetence to the what was left of the public.
Some say that somewhere out there, late at night, you can still hear Kyle cursing out his mother and punching drywall. Somewhere... in the Wasteland...
And that is how Fallout Equestria happened...
The end.
Or is it...
Author's Note
I was bored. Sue me.
