Death Waits for No Pony... Normally
Within the Castle of Friendship, the great crystal edifice found in the middle of Ponyville, the princess of Equestria, her royal highness Twilight Sparkle, wept.
Her mind had been utterly foggy when she'd woken up, as if somepony had stuffed cotton inside of it while she had been dozing, pushing thoughts to the edges of her gray matter to make room for the fluff. When she'd awoken she'd been momentarily confused as to where she was, finding herself under different sheets than she’d expected. It had taken several moments of forcing her sleepy brain to focus before she'd remembered that she'd come to Ponyville to celebrate the Festival of the Two Sisters. Of course it wasn't uncommon for her to come to the castle, she'd realized as she'd smacked her lips together and, in a very un-princess manner, rubbed the grit from her eyes. She had commonly rotated between the five different castles that dotted Equestria's landscape, moving the royal court with her on her progresses so that she was available to all. No longer had the ruler of the lands spent all her time in one city alone. No, Twilight had traveled from Canterlot to the Castle of the Pony Sisters, to the Fort of Eternal Sunrises (a creation that had come about after freeing her subjects from a terrible pegasus general who believed herself Commander Hurricane reborn), to the Stronghold of the Pale Moon (a result of a silly filly, a wish-granting mirror, and a whole barrel load of chaos), and finally the Castle of Friendship in Ponyville. Of course she also stopped in other cities, staying in penthouses in Manehattan to Vanhoover townhouses to roughing it in the wilds where towns didn’t even have names. But the five castles were her normal stops.
This year she'd chosen little Ponyville (not that one could call it 'little' anymore, as thanks to her personal school, the castle, and it's general location, Ponyville had become a sprawling city; it was only the sheer amount of land around it and the locals determination not to end up as 'city slickers who live in metal instead of on the earth or in the clouds' that had seen them choose to spread wide rather than reach up with skyscrapers) for a very special reason. This was the 1000th anniversary of the defeat of Nightmare Moon and the first step Twilight had taken to becoming to monarch of all of Equestria.
And yet as she'd thought of that fact as she'd risen from bed, stretching her long willowy legs and cracking her swan-like neck to work the kinks out, the idea of the celebration had filled her with a deep sense of loss. She simply hadn't known why though. Her head was still cloudy, her thoughts tucked away like socks in the back of a drawer, and when she tried to call to them she failed. It was like trying to grasp water vapor, the memories slipping out of her hooves as she tried to bring them close. It had been with a growing horror that she'd realized that the memories were locked away from her... not gone but shuttered. She knew the spell well, having crafted it herself during one of her many experiments, and a quick look around her bedchambers had seen her locating of a vial with the tale-tell sparkling orange droplets within its bottom next to an open copy of a Daring Do book. That had proved that yes, she had used the Selective Memory Potion.
The Selective Memory Potion was used for ponies who wanted to remove select thoughts from their minds for a short period of time. Where other potions would erase all memories from one's mind or eliminate the short term memory of a pony the Selective Memory Potion allowed one to, with almost surgical precision, take the thoughts in question and gently lock them away in one's mind for only a little while. Not forever... just for a few hours, a day at most. It had been a frivolous potion, created mostly for the challenge than a need, though many in the artistic community had become obsessed with it. A director who made a film would drink the potion and then experience their own creation with fresh eyes, the plot twists truly startling them and the tale engaging them. A musician could craft music and then listen to it like it was the first music they'd ever heard. A painter could create a masterpiece then be just as surprised as everypony else at the unveiling.
Twilight had stared at the vial and wondered what had possessed her to take the potion... and what memories she wanted to wipe away. That, of course, was the irony of it all: she wanted to remember the very thing she'd apparently wanted to forget. She'd racked her brain as she moved about her room, gathering her royal vestments, and had been nearly ready to call in for her attendants when she'd spotted her diary. Within had not been her normally strong and solid penmanship but rather scratchy, stuttering letters that were stained in spots with tears.
'My friends... it just hurts so much that (the ink had run there and she couldn’t read it) I think about them now and my heart breaks. I just don't know how I'll ever (more of the text was bleed away) I need only a few hours. A few hours to forget that they (illegiable)'
That's when it had hit her. The Festival. The Anniversary. Her friends.
A thousand years.
"They're all gone," Twilight whispered, unable to stop the tears from flowing anew and ruining the page. She bent her head and sobbed, the events of the night before piecing together in her mind. The celebration must have made her realize that she was the last of them all... the only pony left alive who had been there to see the fall of Nightmare Moon and the return of Princess Luna. To remember Ponyville when it had been a small quiet village. To know of the joy and the laughter and the fun that a group of mares and a baby dragon had shared there, a millennia in the past. While all her little ponies saw that time as legend and myth for her it had been her life and now they were all gone. She must have drunk the potion to forget, at least so she could fall asleep without regrets of what she had lost, but now even with the fog that swirled around her head she still remembered them all. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Starlight, Sunset-
"Morning Twilight," a large, muscular drake said as he walked into the room, a ruby the size of a grapefruit clutched in his hand. "Man, that was some party last night!" He brought the gem to his mouth and munched on it. “You throw one heck of a shindig!”
-Spike. All of them gone and only...
Twilight blinked, whipping around to stare at the no-longer-a-baby dragon before her.
"Oh!" he said, finally noticing her red eyes and the tear tracks running down her checks. "Hey, are you-"
"SPIKE!" Twilight squealed in delight, not caring if she wasn't behaving like royalty. She launched herself at the startled dragon, sending the two toppling onto the ground in a tangle of limbs. She began to nuzzle his face, clinging to him like he was a favorite toy, refusing to let go even as he coughed from the air being knocked out of him.
"Geez Twi," Spike managed to get out, "what's gotten into you?"
Twiight, finally getting a hold of herself, sniffed as joy and sorrow waged within her. She felt tears gather in her eyes and she kept smiling only for her face to crumple seconds later. "Oh Spike... it just hit me that everypony is gone and I forgot about you but of course you are here. Of course you are alive!"
The drake chuckled at that, his chest rumbling as he leaned on one arm and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Well yeah... not going anywhere. Celestial Dragon here and all."
"Celes… what?" Twilight said, his comment piercing through her conflicting emotions.
Spike stared at her in confusion, brow knitted as he tried to get what she was asking. "Uh... you know... my species? We did all that research, figured out the reason you could never find my parents is because I come from the line of immortal Constellation Dragons... none of this is familiar?" Twilight shook her head and Spike suddenly let out a groan, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You took the Selective Memory Potion, didn't you?"
"You know about that?" Twilight asked before her brow furrowed and she let out a tiny laugh. "Well, I mean, of course you do, I bet you were here when I made it. But you know I took it?"
"Of course I do, I was the one warning you that it was a bad idea! Kept telling you it would end badly but you refused to listen. ‘I know what I am doing Spike! I’m not a filly anymore and I won’t make a silly mistake like locking away the wrong memories!’." He puffed up a bit. "You owe me 20 bits."
"...we didn't make that bet."
"Oh sure, that you remember!" He complained.
Twilight sighed and rested her head on his chest, still clinging to him tightly and not wanting to let go. The sound of his heart beating in his chest reminded her that he was there, that he was real. "I'm sorry Spike... not that it's not wonderful you are here, because it truly is... I just keep thinking about the girls and how they aren't around to be here. A thousand years, Spike! It’s been so long... what if I forget what Applejack sounds like? Or how Fluttershy smiled? Or how Rainbow Dash used to burst in and go-"
"Wake up egghead!" a voice called out, the doors to Twilight's room bursting open so hard the doorknobs dented the drywall.
"Yes, just like that Spike!" Twilight said. Spike looked down at her before rolling his eyes and turning her head to the left so she could see... "RAINBOW DASH!"
The cyan Pegasus, dressed in a bomber jacket and sporting a pair of shades, looked down at the two as she hovered in the air and laughed. "Jeez, what are you two doing-AAAAAAACCKKK!" Rainbow didn't even have time to brace herself before she had a full grown alicorn dragging her down into a sloppy hug. "Twilight... too... tight!" The princess laughed weakly and bashfully and loosened her grip. "What's gotten into her? She eat the leftover cake from yesterday?" she asked Spike, it clear Twilight wasn't going to answer.
"Remember that Memory Potion I mentioned last night?"
Rainbow stared at him before rolling her head skyward. "You totally took that, didn't you?"
"Maybe?" Twilight said, too giddy to be upset or ashamed. She looked at Rainbow Dash and frowned, taking her friend in really for the first time since she'd realized she'd entered the room. "But I don't understand... how are you here?"
"Uh, I used the door?" She pointed to said door, which a couple of servants were attempting to dislodge from the walls.
If Twilight hadn't been sure the cyan mare was her friend that proved it. "I meant how are you alive? No offense but... shouldn't you be dead?"
Rainbow laughed at that. "Wow, that potion really did a number on you!" Pulling away slightly so she could more easily stare at Twilight the pegasus declared, "I'm cursed."
"Say what now?" Twilight said, brow furrowing.
"Cursed. You know, an enchantment that-"
"I know what 'cursed' means, Dash. I wrote a whole paper on it… with reference notes and citations!” She had, in fact, written such a report… and seeing as she was the final say on all reports in Equestria she’d given herself an A+ and a star and hung the report on the fridge for all her servants to see. “I meant what does that have to do with you being alive? I mean… curses normally are, well, bad."
"Everything!" Dash said, a cocky grin slipping onto her face as she broke away from Twilight and began to flit about the room. "Okay, as annoying as it is that you totally didn't listen to Spike when he warned you that taking that potion was a really silly idea it does have the benefit that I get to tell this story and for you it’s the first time you've heard it!" Clearing her throat Dash leaned forward, forelegs spread wide. "So it was about 25 years after you took over for Princess Celestia and Luna. I was Captain of the Wonderbolts, because I'm awesome, and we'd just had a show near the Canyon of No Return which, by the way, we STILL need to rename because so many ponies return to that... anyway, we get done with the show and Ak Yearling, aka Daring Do herself, comes up to me and tells me she needs my help with an adventure. Maybe her last adventure!" Dash leaned back, forelegs crossed behind her head. "Naturally I say yes because I'm always up for an adventure."
"Uh huh," Spike said, still lying on the ground, Twilight having moved to sit next to him as Rainbow told the story. "That's why you refused to go with me last week to-"
"DO NOT MENTION THAT!" Rainbow screeched. "She doesn't remember it so she doesn't need to hear it!"
"You do know she'll remember in a few hours, right?"
"Doesn't matter, let me bathe in the knowledge that for now she has no idea what we're talking about." Twilight merely looked between the two of them before motioning for Rainbow to continue. "So anyway, Daring Do needs my help with this temple because it requires two pegasi generating enough windpower to open a door. Naturally she came to me and I was able to get that thing open lickety split. So we get into the chamber and I see this really cool looking amulet and while Daring was all about being careful I knew I could snatch it off the pedestal before activating any traps."
"She couldn't," Spike said and Twilight snickered at that.
"Ha. Ha. Ha." Rainbow glowered at them before continuing. “Anyway for… reasons that totally have nothing to do with me snatching the amulet this weird… ghost? Wraith? I forget, you rambled off like seven different things it could be, Twilight, when I told you about it-“
“Well could you see through it?” Twilight asked, getting rather interested in the new puzzle. “Was there an ectoplasmic discharge? Did it need a host-“
“Nope, nu-uh! We are not going through this again! Especially when you’ll remember in a few hours. So stay focused there book-brain.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You know… I am your princess…”
Rainbow snorted. “Been a while since you tried to pull that. The photos I have make that idle threat all the more useless.”
The princess looked at Spike. “Do I-?” he shook his head. “Continue then Rainbow Dash.”
Flying up a bit higher Rainbow squared her shoulders and made an exaggerated evil face. “And this, let’s call it a ghost, swirls around me and proclaims, ‘You have disturbed my temple! For that you will suffer!’. And then he hits me with this beam of light which didn’t hurt as much as you’d think a cursed beam of magic would and he declares, ‘For this crime against me you are cursed! Now death will chase after you, nipping at your heels! Lest you travel far enough to escape it you will begin to wither and die!’.” Rainbow floated down when she saw Twilight’s horrified face. “Yeah, I get it, I was worried too for a second. So I asked him what ‘travel far enough’ means and he spouted out some directions towards a tree and this pond and Daring figured out it was roughly 30 miles.”
Twilight blinked at that. “That’s… not that far.”
“Yeah! I guess in old pony times it was but I do 30 mile laps before breakfast! Usually while my toast is heating up! Anyway, so I decide to do 30 miles and nothing happens and then the next day I decide to push it to 40 and turns out the curse is like a speedometer or something and when I go more than what the curse is expecting I actually get younger! And if I go in an opposite direction I’ll grow older! Heck, I can even control it now! Watch!” Dash raced out of the castle and Twilight saw a blue blur swirling around her windows before Rainbow returned, her mane white and gray, face wrinkled, and head pressed against her shoulders. “I’m Granny Dash!” she said, voice warbling. Before Twilight could respond Rainbow rocketed off going the opposite direction, this time going twice as long before she returned… looking like a foal. “Baby Dash!” she squealed. One more lap and she was back in her prime. “Pretty cool, huh? Got it all worked out for any age. Use it all the time to get into theaters at the student rate and discount early bird dinners! Plus if there is a pony annoying me I’ll take them out on a date and then turn into Granny Dash when we go to kiss! You should see their faces! Bwahahahaha!”
Twilight shook her head. “Only you could turn a curse into a way to prank ponies, Dash.” She smiled and walked up to her friend, Rainbow lowering so Twilight could nuzzle her. “Well, I’m glad I at least have you… I wish the rest of the girls were here with us but-“
“Now come on, I ain’t that late!” Applejack declared, Twilight freezing up as the earth pony walked in… looking exactly as she had back in Ponyville when Twilight had first met her.
“Buhwha?” she said, Rainbow cackling as the Princess of Equestria stood their slack-jawed.
“Ya okay, Twi? Kinda lookin’ pale and startled there.” Applejack trotted over and began to poke the much taller alicorn pony. “Maybe ya comin’ down with somethin’? I hear the Chitterin’ Chills are goin’ ‘round…”
Spike got up and stretched. “She took that memory potion.”
“…geez Twi, Spike told us you were thinkin’ about it and I knew it was a bad idea! Let me guess… forgot about me, didn’t you?”
“And everypony else!” Rainbow snickered. “Speaking of, you owe me 20 bits for lunch yesterday, Twi!”
The princess didn’t answer, instead turning to stare at Applejack. “How… now how are you alive? Are you cursed too?”
AJ snorted at that. “Please. Ya think I’d be as foolish as this glory hound ta fall for somethin’ like that?”
“Glory hound?” Dash exclaimed, zipping down and getting in AJ’s face. “And you’d never get cursed because that would require you to leave your farm, which you almost never do! You haven’t been off of Sweet Apple Acres in three centuries!”
“Hey, I so have too! Just because I ain’t flyin’ around lookin’ for danger-“
Spike leaned in and whispered, “I hate it when they do this.”
“Yeah,” Twilight said, watching the two bicker, “always is sad when friends fight.”
“Friends, wives, whatever.”
“Well Spike, there is- wait WHAT?!?” She stared and him before she began to laugh. “Good one.”
“I’m not joking.”
“…seriously?”
“Well, I think they currently are married. Over the last 1000 years those two have gotten together and broken up 20 times. They’ll have a fight, stop talking for a while, go back to being friends, begin getting closer and next thing you know we’re invited to yet another wedding. At least they aren’t formal anymore… last one was at a water park!”
Twilight stared at him. “You’re kidding. No? Yes?” Spike didn’t answer. “You aren’t… are you? You are? What is it?!?”
“Hey Applejack?” Spike called out. “You mind explaining to Twilight how you are still around and bucking trees like it’s no pony’s business?”
AJ turned away from Rainbow (and was it Twilight’s imagination or was she eyeing AJ’s flank a little too long…) and grinned. “Shoot, don’t mind at all, Spike! Weird to think she don’t remember all this, as she was the one that helped me figure out why I suddenly was loosin’ my wrinkles and got the bounce back in my step!” Moving to sit down next to her friend on the floor (Twilight still having never actually gotten up after tackling Spike and merely moved to a more dignified position… sitting on the cold hard floor like she was a filly) AJ cleared her throat. “Well Twi… Zap Apples.”
“…and?”
“That’s it,” AJ said. “Zap Apples.”
Rainbow moved to join them. “Maybe a touch more information?”
“Right,” Applejack said, seeing the befuddled look on Twilight’s face. “So it was about 30 so odd years after ya left for Canterlot to be the princess of everything and all. Dash her had gotten cursed which meant that she was zippin’ about more and that meant that she’d gained back her love of cider.”
Rainbow rubbed the back of her head. “Turns out its pretty filling… especially I couldn’t burn it off like I used to. Before the amulet I put on 20 extra pounds one year and screwed up my whole routine because I kept guzzling down the stuff. Had to quit. Thank goodness I got cursed and regained my old embolism.”
“Metabolism,” Twilight said on reflex before turning her attention back to Applejack. “Okay, so she was drinking your cider?”
“Yeah and you know us Apples… we see to others before we see to ourselves. So we kept selling out of cider and none of the family was getting any so I decided that I needed ta do somethin’ as it wasn’t fair we weren’t getting a chance to enjoy the fruits of our labor.”
“Pun intended?” Spike asked with a snicker.
“So I began experimenting… first tried usin’ other fruit but gave that up real fast. Just ain’t right for an Apple to drink Peach Cider.” Applejack turned and for a moment Twilight swore the room had gone dark save a solo spotlight that shun down on her friend. “No matter how tasty it was…” Then things were back to normal and Applejack continued. “Then I tried getting apples from other farms but apparently SOME PONY kept showing up to buy more barrels…” She glared at Rainbow Dash who did her best to look innocent… and utterly failed. “So then I turned back to our lands and hit upon the Zap Apples. We’d planted a few more trees and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to make a barrel or two of cider out of them… sure, cut into the profits but Big Mac let me experiment. I made up the batch and decided to sample it myself. Not gonna make some other poor soul try slop if I messed it up. I take a big swig and it tastes okay… not quite as good as the regular stuff but good enough. I go to bed and the next morning Sugar Belle begins screaming when I come down stairs because she thought some strange pony had broken in. Took me a while to realize that I’d gone from having grayin’ hair and bags under my eyes to look like a young mare again.
“You did all sorts of experiments and turns out that there is somethin’ special in the Apples’ makeup. You prattled on about DNA and genes and what-not, I couldn’t follow, but in the end if an Apple drinks a mouthful of Zap Apple Cider they go back ta bein’ young.”
Twilight stared at her and for a moment wanted to rush down to her lab to examine this discovery before reminding herself that she already had discovered it and in a few hours she’d remember all the details. “So you have to drink some cider what… every day?”
“Well, I did for a while. But seems the stuff builds up over time… I missed a week when I had to help out over in Appleloosa and thought for sure I’d be back to bein’ an old mare but never happened! Seems that drinkin’ it regularly for about a year or so makes it permanent. Don’t age no more. Keeps the old kickin’ legs nice and firm-“ And now Twilight was SURE Rainbow was staring at Applejack for far longer than normal, “-and able to pull carts like ain’t no pony’s business. I still sample from time to time cause it is good but nope… I’m immortal now.”
Twilight smiled, tears growing in her eyes once more. “That just… amazing, Applejack. I woke up thinking I was all alone, that everypony I loved was gone… but to know I have at least you three here… that we can remember Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy and Rarity and everypony else together and make sure they aren’t forgotten… it makes it a bit easier to get by…”
Rainbow rubbed the back of her head. “Yeah… about that…”
There was a knock and the door to Twilight’s bedroom opened (much softer this time)… and Fluttershy stuck her head inside. “Oh! Am I early? Or late?”
“Fluttershy?!?” Twilight exclaimed in delight. “You’re… you’re here too?”
“…was I not supposed to be?”
“Memory Potion!” Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike called out.
Fluttershy’s eyes widened at that. “OH! So you forgot about us?”
Twilight shook her head. “I don’t know… I guess? Something must have went wrong… I was only trying to forget… it doesn’t matter, you’re here now! Come on in.”
“Uh sugarcube, maybe you should-“ Applejack tried to warn but it was too late and Fluttersky floated in.
All 10 chaotic feet of her.
“…whaaaaaaa?” Twilight said dumbly as she stared at her friend. While Fluttershy’s head was the same she had a long torso resembled a deer’s and that was covered in soft white hair. Rather than forelegs she now had arms, the left being a bear’s paw and the right a chimp’s hand. Her back legs, which she didn’t need seeing as she merely floated on her own power, never even flapping the butterfly and dragon wings that adorned her back, were a bull’s and a rabbit’s. A long crocodile tail stretched out behind her, topped with a shorter version of her pink tail.
“Oh… you didn’t know about this, did you?” Fluttershy said with a soft smile, tapping her fingers together. Twilight merely nodded dumbly and Fluttershy snapped her fingers, causing them all to be seated at a tea table. “Well, there isn’t too much to tell. I was getting really old and couldn’t get around like I used to and Discord was taking care of me… you remember Discord, right?” Twilight could only make a small up and down jerking motion with her head. “Okay, good.” Fluttershy waved her hand with practiced ease and the tea set began to pour for all of them. “Well, he thought at first I was pulling a trick on him but I explained I was getting old and soon I would… well, die. And Discord didn’t understand what death was so I had to explain it to him.” She grimaced at bit at that memory. “He didn’t like that. He said Death was stupid and he wouldn’t let him take me to be his friend, he should find his own. I tried to tell him it didn’t work like that but he wouldn’t listen. He pressed his hand to my forehead, there was a burst of light… and I woke up like this.” She wiggled her bear paw. “Took a while to get used to it but it’s rather nice. My animal friends really like it that I have pieces of them within me. And the magic is nice when I need to disappear.” She faded away until only her smile remained, and then reappeared before them.
Twilight turned to Spike, Applejack and Rainbow Dash and stared even as a white Pegasus with a frizzle blonde mane trotted in; Twilight assumed she was a servant based on the maid’s outfit she wore. “So… curse?” Rainbow nodded. “Zap Apples.” AJ smiled. “Discord.” Fluttershy bobbed her head. “Always was immortal.” Spike grinned and gave a thumbs up. Twilight looked down at her tea cup. “So… the five of us… we are all that are left.“ She sniffed.
“What’s wrong?” Fluttershy asked.
“It’s nothing… it’s just… I know it’s silly, as we’ve had so many miracles to bring all of us here… and I know its selfish to wish for more but… the thought of the others and never-“
“SURPRISE!” the white pegasus exclaimed, making Twilight leap back in fright. “I heard you took that potion so I decided to pretend to be a servant to surprise you!” She ripped off her uniform to reveal a familiar party balloons cutie mark. “And now we can have a ‘Twilight Doesn’t Remember Everything’ Party! I did that once, where you let me use the potion to forget what cake tasted like and I got to experience for the first time all over again and-“
“PINKIE?!?” Twilight screeched, staring at the white and blonde Pegasus. “But… but…”
“What?” Pinkie said before looking down. Touching her tummy she suddenly let out a giggle. “Oh yeah, not so Pink Pinkie today, am I? It’s okay, maybe my next form will be pink again!”
“Next… form?” Twilight said weakly, her head spinning. She kept getting ready for an epic melancholy only for her friends to derail her by being alive.
It was a bit insensitive, really.
Applejack scoffed when she saw Twilight’s confusion. “She regenerates.”
“What?”
“Regenerates. I think I’m sayin’ that right.”
Spike nodded and sipped his tea. “You are.”
Pinkie nodded. “Yup! All my family can do it! When we get old and worn down and wearing a bit thin there is this bright flash of energy and we get new young bodies! Mom told me that it’s because Holder Pie was really from outer space and had gained unlimited regenerations, I can’t remember, the point is that when I get hurt or when I’m all shriveled up I throw out my arms and go, “I don’t want to go” and then there is a burst of light and I look different!” She zipped over to the shell-shocked Twilight and stage whispered. “But it’s a secret!” She pulled away and shrugged. “Or, it was, until your 88th birthday party when I regenerated after falling out of the cake I was hiding in and I broke my neck. I had to tell you everything just so I could get the party going again! Mom and dad, who at that point I was claiming were my adopted kids because they’d regenerated into foals back then, said I could tell you everything!” The white Pegasus tapped her chin. “Was that it? I think so… oh, here are pictures of the two of us with my different forms!”
Pinkie pulled from her mane a photo album and Twilight numbly flipped through the pages, seeing herself with different ponies that all had Pinkie’s cutie mark. Unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies… one time Pinkie was a stallion and Twilight was blushing in that pic. In another Pinkie was a baby gumming Twilight’s ear and the next she looked like a battle-scarred biker chick. There was even- “Are… are you a griffin in this one?”
“Yeah! We can become other species too! Speaking of…” Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out a small rock… with arms and legs. “Sorry Maud, forgot you were in there for a moment.”
“Its okay,” the rock said in a monotone voice before shuffling over to get herself a cup of tea.
Twilight’s other eye began to twitch but she forced herself to calm down. “Okay… so all of us are immortal. Just some because of curses and others because they are aliens. All of us…” Twilight shut her eyes, feeling the wave of despair hit her. She understood now… she understood why she wanted to forget. The great tragedy. The massive loss. For while so many of her friends lived with even one of them missing it didn’t matter because their little group was broken-
“Oh, I’m sorry darlings!” Rarity said, trotting in and hanging up her hat and pulling off her sunglasses. “There was a minor incident at Rarity For You that I had to pop over and take care of. I hope you don’t mind.”
Spike waved his hand in front of Twilight’s face. “I think you broke her, Rarity.”
“I did? Because I was late?”
“Because you are alive.”
The unicorn stared at him. “…I’m not that late, am I?”
“This is a hallucination,” Twilight murmured. “That’s it… I miss you girls so much that I am dreaming you are alive but really I am alone, in a dark and cobweb-filled castle, mourning the past that is gone and I’m all alone, the last of us, and-“
Fluttershy snapped her fingers and a bucket of water poured onto Twilgiht, snapping her out of her shock. Before she could even sputter another snap had her dried off. “She took that memory-“
Rarity brightened at that. “Oh, say no more. Completely caught up.” She sat down and grabbed a biscuit. “So you thought we were all dead?”
“…yes?” Twilight said weakly, struggling to keep some sense of control. She didn’t know if she should weep from all the confusion or weep because her friends weren’t allowing her to wallow in self pity over their deaths due to the tiny issue of them not being dead. “How… how are you alive still?” she finally asked. “Are you cursed too? Or a magic spell.”
Rarity tittered at that. “Oh my dear, such an imagination! Though I suppose with our friends it isn’t that farfetched to assume as much. I swear not a week goes by where one of us is enchanted or bewitched, or the like. No no… I merely have a wonderful beauty regiment.”
Now Twilight could feel her jaw twitching along with her eyes.
“I did always tell you that a good trip to the spa could take years off your face but you never did believe me. A peel, a massage, a steam, the right shampoo, and just a dab of facial cream before bed and well… here I am. Aloe and Lotus swear by it; it’s how they were able to grow up with Princess Celestia and still run their salon and spa.”
“Right,” Twilight said blankly, trying to wrap her head around the fact that the right pampering routine could keep one alive. “Right. So… we’re all alive. All 7 of us.”
“Eight, actually,” Starlight Glimmer said as she trotted in… followed by a human Sunset Shimmer. “Nine if you count her.
“Which we do,” Rarity said politely. “Fluttershy? If you could?”
“What? Oh… yes.” She snapped her fingers and the table enlarged enough so that the two new arrivals could sit down without pressing into the rest of the group. Tea was summoned and the two settled in, grabbing their favorite desserts.
Sunset looked at Twilight. “We overheard you guys talking while we were in the hall and decided to wait. Starlight said that it would be ‘more dramatic’.”
“Well it was!” Starlight proclaimed. “You know nothing of how to make an entrance.” She turned to Twilight and pointed at herself. “Genie.”
“What?”
“Genie. That’s how I’m alive.”
“You’re a genie?” Twilight asked dumbly.
That got a laugh from everyone before Starlight corrected her. “No no… we got a genie at the School of Friendship… I can’t honestly remember when it was, it’s been so long. Very nice mare, very friendly and excited to learn about friendship. Recently freed and there isn’t much of a chance to make friends when you are trapped in a lamp so she came to us. When she graduated she told me that I and the rest of the staff were doing such a grand job running the school that she couldn’t ever imagine us not being there. One wave of her hand and I’m immortal. Sunburst and Gallus and Silverstream and Yona and all the rest too.”
Sunset nodded and shrugged. “I used a Time Twirler to create a stable time loop for me and my friends in my world. Every year, on the first day of school, everyone deages by a year. Only me and our friends know about it… take advantage of it a ton. One year we all took off and I taught them magic, another year we came here for six months and you made us all alicorns in our pony forms… that’s how I’m able to appear as a human in here, alicorn spell. Rather neat. Anyway, some years we just tour the world. Did the nudist colony thing, learned how to bake in France, so on. Pinkie is building a space ship and we’re thinking of hitting up the international space station, be the first all girl rock band to do a show up there. It’s great.”
Twilight looked down at her tea cup, considering all she’d heard.
“You okay, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
“You seem upset,” Fluttershy said as two cherub ponies she’d summoned into existence began to braid her hair.
“You aren’t mad we’re alive, are you?” Pinkie asked, face crumpling a bit at the thought.
“What… no! I mean…it’s great. Truly.” Twilight sighed. “It’s just… I was all geared up to be in mourning and I find myself not needing to mourn. I mean, all of you are here! My friends are with me!”
“And we’ll always be with ya!” Rainbow Dash declared.
“Well, unless there is something interesting on TV or a new play-“ Starlight said only for Sunset to elbow her. “I mean yes. We’ll always be with you.”
Twilight nodded. “Yeah… yeah! All of us together…”
Spike, far too used to Twilight, rolled his eyes. “Wait for it…”
“…together, able to share…”
“Here it comes…”
“…in our grief that we are the last ones around!”
“And there it is,” Spike snorted, standing up and walking over to Twilight’s dresser.
“Orphans, all of us,” Twilight said dramatically, tears glimmering once more in her eyes. “Orphans made by time! The last of our families, the last of our blood, forced to trudge through eternity without family save for the one we’ve made here-“
A ringing filled the room and Twilight turned just in time to see that Spike had activated the video phone.
“Spike? Twiley? What’s going on?” Shining Armor asked, peering at the screen. “We were just getting ready to head out to visit you. Did something come up?”
“Is that Twilight?” Cadence called out.
“Yeah!” Shining Armor shouted.
“Why is she calling?”
“I’m trying to find out!”
“She knows we’re coming today, right?”
“I told her that!”
“Then why is she calling?”
“I’m TRYING to find out!”
Twilight pressed her face to the screen. “Shining?!? How… how are you…”
The white unicorn blinked at the way his sister was nearly slamming her head into the screen. “Uh… did I miss something-“
“Memory Spell!” everyone else in the room called out.
“…she went twilinanas, didn’t she?”
“I did not go twilinanas!” the princess screamed in annoyance.
“How would you know if you blocked the memory?” Shining asked with a smirk.
“…gaaaa!” Twilight yelled, throwing her head back.
Sunset sighed and pulled out her phone. “I’m going to just begin texting everyone. Will be a lot easier.”
“Good thinkin’,” AJ stated.
Twilight jabbed her hoof at her brother’s image. “How. Are. You. Alive.”
Shining shrugged. “Crystal Heart. Turns out it gives off radiation. Makes you immortal and increases fertility…” There was a crash and behind Shining a panicked adult Flurry Heart chased after five alicorn foals that were giggling like mad, firing of blasts of magic at everything and anything. “I’ve got to go, grandkids and great grandkids and great great… you get the idea… need to wrangle them. We’ll be there after lunch! Oh, and mom and dad said they would be able to make it today, their flight got in early! By Twiley!”
The phone clicked off and Twilight’s shoulders slumped.
“Are… are you okay?” Rarity asked. “You seem rather down for some pony whose found out everyone they care for is alive and well and won’t ever leave her.”
Twilight wandered to the window, staring out at Ponyville as it stretched out before her. “Yeah… yeah. It’s just,” she let out a dramatic sigh; so dramatic infact that Rarity was tempted to bring in her fainting couch for Twilight to use. “I used that potion for a reason. Something broke my heart. But it isn’t you girls, or Shining, or Spike…” she looked down at Ponyville and a sad little smile tugged at her lips. “Perhaps it was being here and seeing how different everything is and knowing that all the ponies I used to know are gone- are those the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”
Spike joined her by the window and stared at the three mares that were hanging out at the local Sugarcube Corners (it was a franchise now, one on nearly every block) enjoying their coffee and donuts. “Yup.”
“Immortal too?” Twilight asked with a hollow voice.
“Sweetie Belle uses my beauty regiment!” Rarity called out. “We make it a weekly thing. Really helps to keep our bond strong.”
“And Applebloom drinks up the cider with me.”
Twilight slowly turned to Rainbow Dash. “Curse?”
“Nah, Scootaloo’s a cyborg.” Twilight turned just in time to see Scootaloo pull off her tiny wings and replaced them with giant robotic ones before taking off at Mach 3. “The tech is great, full sensation just like flesh and blood. I’d do it myself-“
“Okay,” Twilight said, trying to come to grips with all she was seeing. “Okay. Okay. …okay. So we’re all alive. And my brother is alive with his family. And the CMC are alive. So everyone we are closely connected to are alive-“
There was a knock on the window and Twilight, ever so slowly, turned to find Derpy hovering at the window, dressed in her mailcarrier uniform, a sack slung over her shoulder. Beside her, using a small helicopter like the one Pinkie had been fond of using, was an adult Dinky wearing the same uniform.
“Mail Princess Twilight!” Derpy said happily, passing Twilight some cable bills and some junk mail for credit cards. Sunset threw Derpy two muffins and the mail mare grinned before her and her daughter took off. Looking past them Twilight suddenly saw that EVERY mailmare resembled Derpy in some way.
“Before ya ask…” Applejack stated, “turns out Derpy was an alicorn. Her horns just tiny. Dinky is the reverse… wings tinier than a flea’s but still an alicorn. And it breeds true so all of Dinky’s kids… and their kids… and-”
Twilight’s entire body was jerking in odd intervals.
“It might be best,” Spike said, guiding her back to her chair, “if we made a list.”
~Two hours later…~
“Zecora.”
Rainbow fielded that one. The girls had grabbed various magazines, newspapers, and puzzle books and were goofing around while answering Twilight’s questions. For her part she was going over Wonderbolt routines. “Hut is on some fault line that spews magic swamp gas that makes her eternally young. Turns out before she came to Ponyville she was over a 100 years old. Went to the Everfree to die, woke up young. Never thought to tell anypony because she assumed we all knew about it.”
“Doctor Whooves?”
“Gained a new set of regenerations like Pinkie,” Starlight stated, looking through the classifieds for a new armchair. “He’s a mare now. Does a funny thing with her nose when she’s thinking. Derpy doesn’t mind though.”
Twilight nodded at that, biting into a cookie. “Lyra.”
“Vampire,” Fluttershy said, puzzling out an 8 letter word that meant ‘The definition of doing something over and over and expecting different results’ . “Still very nice though.”
“Mmmhhmm. Bon Bon.”
“Werewolf,” Sunset supplied, playing Candy Crush on her phone. When Twilight raised an eyebrow she shrugged. “They make it work.”
“The Pillars?”
Rainbow shrugged. “Turns out staying in Limbo for too long causes it to leach into your blood and you become immortal. Same thing happened to Diamond Tiara’s mom.”
Twilight pushed the questions that answer brought up to the side. “Vinyl Scratch.”
“The power of wubs!” Pinkie declared with glee, throwing some confetti in the air. “Same for Octavia. It rubbed off.”
“Berry Punch?”
“All her drinkin’ left her organs pickled,” Fluttershy said.
“Uh huh. Cranky and Matilda.”
“Now they both did die,” Applejack said sadly, looking up from the Farmer’s Almanac she was browsing. Twilight perked up at that, ready to finally begin mourning, but AJ shook her head and held up a hoof. “They died separately. Matilida was visiting kin out west, Cranky stayed home. Doc said they died at the same time. Didn’t realize the other wasn’t alive so they both separately challenged the Grim Reaper to a game to win back their lives. Cranky played Blackjack, Matilda darts. Death got so mad he lost twice he said he’d never reap them again. So they’re alive now.”
“Yeah, though the Reaper did reap the last few hairs on Cranky’s head,” Rainbow Dash said with a snicker. “He refused to give those back.”
Twilight merely nodded, unable to even muster a smile at that. She was getting desperate… she had been gearing herself up for a good, powerful, strong sobfest, crying out to the heavens of the unfairness of time and mortality… and no one was playing along! It was like when one had been looking forward to have a sandwich for supper and got home to find out they had no bread. Worst, her friends had taken all the bread and used it to feed ducks! And the bread turned the ducks immortal, apparently!
She was getting desperate.
“Prince Blueblood?”
“The power of love,” Starlight stated.
Twilight screwed up her face. “Seriously? Well, I suppose over the years he might have mellowed out enough for a pony-“
“No,” Starlight said, cutting her off. “Love of himself. The Reaper was so disgusted he refused to get within a mile of his mansion. The servants aren’t that happy they are immortal now too and can’t ever quit because of crummy contracts but hey, in this economy steady work is hard to find sometimes.”
“Mayor Mare?”
Rarity took that one up. “Zombie. And just won her 521st term in office.” She nibbled on a cookie. “I’m not a fan of her ‘Let the Mayor Nibble On Your Brain’ proposal but what are you going to do? Vote 3rd party?” She tittered at that.
“Trouble Shoes?”
“Now he wanted to die,” Starlight stated. “But he tried to poison himself with Poison Joke and its effect was to make him immortal and immune to all antidotes.”
Twilight shut her eyes, racking her brain for somepony, ANY pony, that might be dead. Or anyone… “The buffalo outside Appleoosa!” she finally said, jabbing a hoof at Applejack.
Sunset shifted. “Uh yeha… that’s my fault.” She blushed, shifting in her chair (being a 5 foot 11 human in a world where most ponies were 3 to 4 feet tall meant all the furniture was woefully undersized and her hip was beginning to hurt). “They were having a festival and their country DJ, Vinyl’s cousin Vanilla Corn, needed some music, I was visiting and gave them my Greatest of Queen cd collection and by the time they hit Fat Bottomed Girls everyone in Appleoosa was immortal thanks to the intensity of Freddy Mercury’s singing voice.”
Twilight opened her mouth before clamping it shut. “Okay, that one at least makes sense.” She scratched her head, trying to think of the most obscure creatures she’d met, ones that she had the least connection too. It would be a stretch to get upset about them but hey she could make it work. “The Diamond Dog that captured Rarity that one time. Not the biggest one… the medium size one.”
The girls began to think about that.
“Oh… oh he is dead, isn’t he?” Twilight said, lip quivering. “How tragic that a Diamond Dog, who I forgot all about, died-“
“He’s still alive,” Spike stated, browsing through a newspaper. “We just can’t remember what happened.”
“Yes darling, very much alive,” Rarity stated. “I saw him at the grocery store last week.”
Spike shook his head. “Man, I can’t believe Garfield is still going strong all these years…”
Twilight could feel pressure behind her right eye and she wasn’t sure if it was a blood vessel or a tumor. She leapt away from the table and summoned all her friendship journals, rapidly flipping through them. They would hold the answer, she just knew it. She would find a dead body no matter what and she would mourn it! Mourn the hay out of it! “The kirin Fluttershy and Applejack once helped!”
“Accident with an everlasting gobstopper,” Rainbow replied. “Please don’t make us describe it.”
“Uh… oh! That dragon who pretended to be Spike’s father!”
“The power of love,” Sunset provided.
“Ewwwwww!” Twilight exclaimed, nose scrunching up. She remembered what her bathroom had looked like after he’d stayed at the castle and REALLY didn’t want to imagine catching him in the act.
“No, this time it actually was love from someone else… turns out his sister was worried about him and convinced him to turn his life around.” Sunset smiled fondly. “It was rather touching-“
“Uh huh,” Twilight said, cutting her off. “That nerd Rainbow Dash met once and talked about Daring Do with!”
“Well she did a magic spell and became an alicorn and that was good enough for her to rule our country!” Rainbow said with a grin. Twilight pursed her lips and Rainbow laughed. “I’m referring to you-“
“I got that.”
“Because you’re a nerd…”
“I could always banish you to the moon.”
Rainbow snorted. “Please, you did that last week and I was back in 5 minutes!”
“The other nerd.”
The cyan mare sighed, calming herself. “Leprechaun gold.”
Twilight began to flip through more pages. “Okay! The cockatrice that Silverstream tamed!”
“Genie.” Twilight stared at Starlight who quickly added, “Became a genie. Not wish by genie. Big difference.”
“And most of the wishes Edith grants are ‘Please don’t turn me to stone’,” Pinkie reminded her.
The princess, feeling herself nearing the breaking point, flipped to a page at random. “Tender Taps!”
“Who?” Rarity asked.
“I think the CMC helped him… or her… with a cutie mark?”
The fashionista considered this. “Was that the one that was already an elder god or the one that discovered a chest of cursed pirate gold.”
Fluttershy shook her head “I think it might be the one that discovered that ancient device filled with red goo that extended life expectancy.”
“Nevermind! Garble?”
Starlight waved that off. “Life linked to Smolder due to a Pinkie Promise and Smolder is immortal thanks to that genie that gave me eternal youth.”
“Zesty Gourmand?”
“Power of Love,” Sunset stated. “This time the song. Hughie Lewis is a magical, magical person.”
Twilight crumpled to the ground, head resting on her forelegs, ethereal mane limp. “Is there no one… not a single pony or griffin or zebra or monster or anything… that I met that is dead?”
Pinkie thought that over. “King Sombra’s still dead.” She paused, turning her head to the side and wiggling her mouth back and forth. “Huh… and he’s only dead because you killed him!”
“Other than him,” Twilight complained. She was desperate but not THAT desperate.
Applejack clicked her teeth together. “Well… I guess Granny.” Twilight snapped her head up and stared at the farmer. “She died a few months after you left for Canterlot, remember?”
She did. Now that Twilight thought about it she DID remember the old mare finally passing away peacefully in her sleep. Twilight shut her eyes, tears once more gathering. “Poor, poor Granny Smith. She was so loving and caring and helpful and kind… and what a tragedy that while everyone in Equestria… perhaps the entire world-“ She suddenly stopped herself. “Saddle Arabia dignitaries?”
“Swimming,” Fluttershy said gently. “Turns out it truly is the best exercise.”
Twilight nodded and went back to her monologue. “-that everyone in the entire world might escape Death’s cruel embrace but her… oh, oh its just so heartbreaking.”
“It truly is Twi,” Applejack said somberly. “I’ll let her know that you are thinkin’ of her.”
“Thank you Appleja-what?”
“Granny. I’ll let her know you are thinking about her. She’d be glad.”
“But… she’s dead.”
“Yeah but just cause one’s dead don’t mean they ain’t around! Granny’s ghost has been hauntin’ the farm since… forever! Heck, it took her 2 weeks to realize she was dead!” Tiwlight just stared at the Stetson-wearing mare. “Didn’t I tell ya all us Apples come back as ghosts? Whole family.”
“OoooOOOOooooOOOooo!” The eternal wail echoed through the room before a ghostly mare passed through the wall (and left a green slime trail). “Applejack! You forgot your checkbook!”
“Thanks ma!” AJ said taking the checks from Buttercup. “I’ll see you and pa at home tonight!”
“We’re having lasagna! OooooOOOOOOOoooo!” She passed through the wall, leaving another slime trail.
Twilight just laid on the ground, lip quivering.
“Geez Twi, why are you so upset? You’d think you’d be happy to discover everyone you care about-“
“And don’t!” Starlight added
“-was alive and well and will never die!”
The princess just weakly sighed. “I know girls. I know I should be happy. But I was just so… ready to release all that sadness and pain. And now I can’t! And what’s worse is I don’t even know why I took that memory potion in the first place.”
Her friends began to shift uneasily.
“Yeah… about that sugarcube…”
Rarity swallowed. “We… might be the reason you took it.”
“Why’s that?” Twilight said miserably before perking up. “Wait! Am I dead? Is that the shocking discovery? I’m dead and have to move on to the next life and abandon you all?!” She grinned, stars in her eyes.
“Could you… not be excited about dying?” Sunset asked, moving her chair away from the princess. “Also you aren’t dead.”
Twilight’s smile went to a scowl. “Then why did I take the potion then?!?”
“Weeeeeeelllll,” Pinkie drawled out, “yesterday after the big raising the sun thingie and the speeches we went down the Original Famous Pony Joes… not Famous Original Pony Joe’s because their donuts aren’t as fresh and not Famous Pony Joe’s Original or Original Pony Joe’s Famous Original because they were too far away… anyway we went down there to get a snack and we got talking about things and how you haven’t had a lot of free time and… you seeeeeeee…”
Rainbow snapped, pressing her forelegs to her head and crying out, “We spoiled the latest Daring Do book!”
Twilight blinked.
“What?”
“We’re really sorry, Twilight,” Fluttershy said meekly, cringing as the princess looked at her. “We didn’t mean to.”
Rarity nodded, walking over and patting Twilight’s shoulder. “You see, darling, it was an innocent mistake. You mentioned you’d just finished the latest Daring Do book and we all began to discuss it.”
AJ nodded. “Problem was that you’d gotten so far behind in readin’ the series that what ya thought was the newest one was actually the one from last year. And we all got so wrapped up talkin’ about the ending that we didn’t notice ya get a blank stare on your face.”
Spike bushed a bit at that. “Then you told us you had no idea what we were talking about and it all kinda… spilled out.”
Twilight turned to Starlight and Sunset who shook their heads. “We weren’t there, don’t blame us.”
“So, I want to make sure I have this straight,” Twilight said, peeking through the bits of her mane that had fallen into her eyes. “I tampered with my own brain and accidently locked away memories of all my friends and family being with me in the present day and put myself through an emotional roller coaster… because of a book?”
Her friends all nodded.
“Seems about right,” she said with a weak chuckle before finally letting out a happy sigh. “I’m sorry about all this… and I mean it, I truly am happy that you all are here with me and won’t be leaving me! And when the potion finally wears off I look forward to remember all of these last 1000 years with each of you.” She looked at them each in turn, her eyes tearing up for a different reason. “And I can’t wait to make memories with you all over the next thousand years!”
“And we can start now!” Rainbow declared, zooming down and spinning around her friend. “Now that you’ve read the new Daring Do book we can discuss it! Because wow, have I been waiting SOOOOO long to talk to you about it! Can you believe that the pony Daring thought was her father really kidnapped her when she was a foal? And she only found out by checking out his will?”
“And then she found her birth father and he told her how he’d been looking for her since forever and they had that big hug in his mansion while all his servants applauded and welcomed her home?” Fluttershy said with a happy nod.
Pinkie was bouncing up and down in glee, white wings fluttering. “Oh! Oh! But then it turned out that her birth father was all evil and wanted her because he needed her blood to unlock this cave filled with a mystical weapon that would let him take over the world!”
Rarity joined in. “And the pony that she’d thought was her father and had kidnapped her was actually a friend of her mother’s who knew her birth father was evil and took her to raise her properly and give her the love she deserved. That was just… magical! The description of the rain falling and mingling with her tears…”
“Don’t forget he had faked his death and had been assisting her the entire time! Not just in that book but since the very beginning!” Spike added. “That was the best part!”
Applejack shook her head. “Nah, I liked it better when Darin’ told him that it didn’t matter none if they were blood related what mattered was he was her pa. Then the two of them kicked the polecat out of the cave and destroyed that weapon and Darin’ called her pa ‘dad’ again.”
Rainbow joined back in. “And the last scene had them getting a letter revealing that Daring’s mother was still alive and needed their help and-Twilight, are you okay?”
The Princess of Equestria was staring straight ahead, mouth open slightly and pupils little more than pinpricks in her eyes.
“…hehe… you… didn’t finish reading the book last night, did you?”
Twilight shook her head ever so slightly, a tiny whimper leaving her lips.
“We… just spoiled the book again for you, didn’t we?”
She nodded her head slightly, another high pitched murmur escaping from her mouth.
Rainbow grimaced. “And… that just made everything that happened utterly meaningless?”
“Mmmhhmmm,” Twilight said, face trembling.
Pinkie looked at her before bursting into a wide smile. “Look on the bright side! Now you have something to mourn! The death of your ability to enjoy that book!”
Within the Castle of Friendship, the great crystal edifice found in the middle of Ponyville, the princess of Equestria, her royal highness Twilight Sparkle, wept.
Wept not for friends, not for time and death and life… but spoilers.
Evil, evil spoilers.
Author's Note
What's this? A story that doesn't a) include an OC or b) make the characters act completely out of character for the sake of humor? What new spore of madness is this?!?
My friendly parody of all those depressing "Twilight's friends die and she is sad" stories.
Remember that reviews make me write more!
