Author's Note
This one's for my dad.
I know that I carry with me the best memories of my time with him, and the best way I can think of to honor his memory and cherish his life is to continue with mine, as happy and as thorough as I can.
The Joy of Remembrance
The Joy of Remembrance
By Wanderer D
With a grand slam, the chords of the electric guitar gave the last, epic end to their masterpiece. Floating down from the magical high of ponying up from music and energy, Sunset allowed herself to take a deep breath.
Twilight posed. "And that's a wrap! Well done, girls!"
"Well, that's was certainly amazin'," Applejack said, breathing hard, a happy, satisfied smile on her face. "Ah reckon that we'll be winnin' any number of competitions with that one."
"Woo!" Pinkie shouted, with a double stroke roll to emphasize her excitement. "That was awesome!"
"Indeed," Rarity said, approaching with Fluttershy. "I think we have exceeded our initial expectations quite thoroughly."
"Yay!"
"So what's the plan now?" Pinkie asked. "It's Friday the 13th! Let's go watch movies and spend the night at my place! I just baked three cakes this morning, and I've got the night free!"
"I'm sorry girls, but I can't tonight," Sunset said. "I'm going back to Equestria for the weekend."
"What?!"
Sunset had to take a step back and raise her hands when the others rounded on her. "Hey, hey, calm down!"
"Why didn't you tell us?!" Twilight asked.
"I just… you know, forgot to mention it? It's alright girls, I'm just visiting my family."
"You mean the family you otherwise never visit?" Applejack asked, crossing her arms.
"That's the one!" Sunset said. "It's the anniversary of my dad's passing an—"
"Oh my gosh!" Twilight said, putting her hand on top of her mouth.
"Darling, you should have said something!" Rarity gasped. "We wouldn't have done this today if we had known!"
"Girls…"
"I feel so awful, making you do this on such a day!" Fluttershy said, "I'm, so, so sorry."
"Dude, that sucks, you should have said something!"
"Girls!" Applejack interrupted. "Ah think you should all calm down."
"But it's such an emotional time!" Rarity said, turning to face Applejack.
"It's okay!" Sunset raised her voice, quieting the room down. They all turned to face her and she put her hands behind her, smiling a bit as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. "It's okay. I appreciate you're worried about how I feel, but… I don't feel bad."
"But—"
"Anyway, I really need to go, I'll catch you later?" Sunset said, making her way towards the door.
"Sure…" Rarity said, the group looking in concern at the door. She turned to look at the others. "We should go with her."
"No, we shouldn't," Applejack said, eyes narrowing as she crossed her arms. "Sunset made it pretty clear she didn't want a crowd."
"But just leaving her like that?" Twilight said, her voice quiet. "It feels like we're abandoning her when she needs us."
"But does she?" Applejack asked, looking around. "Look, y'all, Ah think she's grateful that we offered, but take it from me, when you want to be alone for something like this, you need to be left alone." She glanced at the door. "Sunset knows we're here for her, and that's all she really needs us to offer."
The moon had been on its Waxing Crescent phase back then. Now, tonight it was Waxing Gibbous. "Yet another example of life continuing," Sunset said to herself with a small smile as she made her way towards the statue. The smile faded slightly when she noticed Applejack leaning against the side, waiting for her. "Hey, AJ," she said warily.
"Hey yerself," Applejack replied, tilting her hat. "Don't worry, Ah ain't here to tell you to take me with you," she quickly added when she noticed Sunset was about to say something. "Ah'm just here to see you off, and to tell you that Ah understand. Talked to the others as well. Ah'll come here on Sunday night about the same time to give you a ride home if you'd like."
Sunset sighed, feeling the rising tension fade away. "Thanks AJ, I really appreciate that."
"No problem. Ah've been there too, you know." Applejack stretched. "Alright then, see you soon, sugarcube."
Sunset watched her walk over to the truck, where Big Mac waited, before she felt a sudden tightness in her throat. "H-hey, AJ?"
Applejack turned around and blinked. "Yeah?"
"Do you… want to come with me?"
Princess Twilight sparkle paced in front of the mirror, watching the magic swirl within until with a bit of a more flashy twist, two ponies emerge from it before it closed down and depowerd. She stepped back in surprise as Sunset and a cutie-mark-less Applejack stood up.
"Uh, hi girls, I was only expecting Sunset today," Twilight said, reaching down to help them steady themselves on four hooves.
"Yeah, I asked her to come with," Sunset said, "hope you don't mind?"
"Howdy, Twilight!"
Twilight smiled. "Of course I don't mind, I'm glad you brought somepony with you. It's a long ride over to Las Pegasus. I would go with you but with the impending official announcement for me taking over for Celestia and Luna… well. I'm a bit behind with other things," she said, her smile turning into a half-grimace when she motioned with her hoof at a large stack of papers.
"No worries, Twilight," Sunset said, moving forward to give her friend and mentor a hug. "I'll—we'll be fine."
"I'm glad to hear that," Twilight said, "now, come on, I'll show you to your rooms."
"Twilight!" Spike's voice echoed in the castle.
The three ponies stopped as the young dragon flew in and landed, panting in front of them. He looked up. "He's back!" he said warily, then his face brightened. "Oh. Hey Sunset. Applejack."
"Hey Spike," Sunset said, giving him and Twilight a concerned look. "Who's back?"
"Honey Stead," Twilight said, frowning. "He's been trying to interview me an—"
"And you should let me!" a portly stallion with honey-gold mane and a white coat said, making his way into the castle's library. "Only I can understand now the pain you are going through, Princess Twilight."
"Pain?!" Sunset asked, eyes widening. "What pain? Are you okay?"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Honey Stead here wrote "the Pain of Eternity", Sunset."
Sunset frowned, while Applejack simply tilted her head in confusion. "The Pain of Eternity… never heard of it."
"Humph! You must be a casual acquaintance of the princess then," Honey Stead said, snorting in contempt. "Anypony close to royalty knows my book."
"Yeah," Spike piped in. "It's about how Princess Celestia is in constant suffering with the weight of immortality on her shoulders."
"Oooh!" Sunset faced Honey Stead. "I'm sorry, I don't read pony fanfiction."
Twilight snorted and Spike had to turn away, trying to control the sudden attack of giggles.
"Excuse you!" Honey Stead almost snarled. "It is biographical!"
"Y-yeah," Spike coughed, "He even talks about how Celestia only drinks bitter tea in the mornings to r-remind herself of her own failures."
Sunset frowned. "Since when?"
"For years!" Honey Stead stated, "ever since she first watched others grow old while she remained young!"
Sunset gave him an unamused look. "I don't know who you are, but before Twilight Sparkle here, I was Princess Celestia's student. I literally grew up under her wing and I can tell you right here, right now, that Celestia likes sweet tea all day, and drinks coffee like a mare possessed in the mornings."
Undeterred, Honey Stead smirked. "Clearly as somepony who has never lost someone, you cannot understand her as I do."
Spike's eyes went wide and Twilight gasped.
Sunset closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. Magical energy sparked dangerously in the air and the temperature dropped several degrees before she took a deep breath and simply walked past Honey Stead deeper into the castle. "I know where my room is, Twilight."
"You have overstayed your welcome," Twilight Sparkle said coldly, turning to Honey Stead. "Leave. Now."
"But my interview! I need to know your pain so I can share it with others! I'm the only one that can under—"
"There is no pain, you...! You—!" Twilight's horn flashed and the stallion was gone.
"Uh. Ah know this is a different world, Twilight, but Ah don't think it's okay to disintegrate someone, regardless of how rude they are."
Twilight blinked and turned to face Applejack. "I didn't disintegrate Honey Stead! I teleported him to the lake."
"I'll go lock the doors. And windows." Spike scurried away.
"So Ah sense that there's more to this?" Applejack asked as Twilight motioned for her to follow.
"Let's just say that that pony's writing caused a lot of pain and worry. I had the unfortunate experience of finding his book shortly after becoming a princess. It doesn't help that he did interview Celestia at some point, but rather than report accurately what she said, he wrote down what he insisted she should be feeling."
"How can someone be so self-centered as to think they are the only ones that can decide how you should feel about anythin'?"
"I don't know, Applejack," Twilight said, stopping at a door. "It took somepony much wiser than I am today to calm me down that one time, and she said that only a pony who fears death more than they celebrate life would write something like "The Pain of Eternity"."
Applejack sighed. "Ah can see that. But y'have to wonder, what happened to Honey Stead for him to have such a bleak outlook?"
Twilight pushed the door open, revealing a nice, cozy-looking room behind it. "I don't know, Applejack. But now is time to sleep, if you're going with Sunset, you need to rest. It'll be a long ride on the train tomorrow."
Nodding, the human-turned-pony stepped in. "Thank you kindly, Princess."
"Anytime, Applejack," Twilight said, giving her a hug. "Good night."
"How're you holding up, sugarcube?"
"I'm alright," Sunset replied as they walked down the road from Twilight Sparkle's castle. "Spike's pancakes can cure almost anything weighing on my soul."
"They were pretty good," Applejack said, "Ah just think they could have used more candied apples on the side."
"That was all Spike," Sunset laughed. "Princess Celestia likes them with bananas."
"Travesty. Ah'll have to feed Principal Celestia some proper apple pancakes to cure her misconceptions! Ah might not be able to reach the Princess, so her other self has to pay for her sins."
The pair laughed as they made their way into the train station. They walked up the steps to the ticket booth and Sunset purchased two seats that came with the warning that the train was pretty packed today.
They didn't have to wait long before the train stopped and a multitude of ponies started boarding.
"This way!" Sunset said, trotting over to a door which had less ponies packing in. She led Applejack into the car and looked around the full seats until her eyes brightened. "There!"
The pair made their way to a booth where a pony was sitting, reading the newspaper. Across from him, however two seats remained open, and the pair slid in. "Lucky! I didn't think we'd find a seat together with how packed it was," Sunset confessed, smiling.
Applejack nodded. "Ah guess we are," she said noticing on the corner of her eye that the pony across from them was giving them a look, but she concentrated on Sunset. "So where are we headed?"
"Upper Celestial Cemetery," Sunset said, "It's a couple of hours away."
The pony across from them apparently decided that their discussion was none of their business as the newspaper went up again, Applejack noticed as she sank back in her seat. "So how long has it been?"
"Since I last was there?" Sunset asked softly. "Almost a decade now. I was still Celestia's student when my father passed away."
"How did it happen?" Applejack asked gently. "And feel free to tell me to stop askin' questions," she added. "Ah'm just—"
"Don't worry," Sunset interrupted. "I understand. She looked out the window as the train started moving again. "He was sick. I was in Canterlot, miles away. By the time I heard about it, he was already mostly gone."
"Ah'm sorry, it must've been hard."
Sunset was quiet. "A little."
Applejack blinked. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that… by the time I heard about it, I had been living away from home for years. When I went back, the pony in the bed was my dad, somepony I remembered, loved and admired, somepony I could only tell between tears how much I loved and how much I had learned from him."
Applejack nodded.
"I thought I'd be miserable for months, even years—"
"But you thought the pain would go away and it didn't," a familiar voice interrupted. "They were gone, and you were here. I understand."
Sunset's eyes went wide and she looked up. Honey Stead sat across from them, an understanding grimace of a smile on his face.
"The hay are you doin' on this train?!" Applejack growled. "Are you following us?"
"No," he replied. "I'm also going to the cemetery. My parents are buried there too."
There was an awkward silence.
"And that is why," he said after a moment, "I understand what you're going through." His eyes teared up. "I remember when I lost my mother, and I was left alone with my father. It's been almost thirty years and thinking of her, of how she's not here tears at me. It's—"
"Not my experience," Sunset said firmly. "If you'll excuse me, I have no intention of arguing with you about it. Come on AJ, we'll find another place to sit."
Applejack gave them both a worried look, but nodded, following Sunset into another cart. Thankfully Honey Stead decided to stay in place. They ambled down the train, unable to find a place to sit until they reached the cafeteria. With nothing else to do, Sunset purchased a couple of drinks and they sat down on one of the tables and talked about home, the other girls, Applejack's last date with Rarity, Flash's fanboy phase and other things until, after a little bit of silence, Sunset spoke up.
"Hey, Applejack, when you think about your parents, what do you remember?"
Applejack took a sharp breath, but let it out slow and tipped her hat forward. "Ah was fairly young when they… passed away. It was an accident. y'know?"
Sunset nodded.
"Yeah, Ah guess I've mentioned that before. Ah dunno, Sunset. Ah remember wakin' up with my Pa to help with the trees. Ma ringing the bell so we could head back and have breakfast. Ah remember her feedin' Apple Bloom, and m'Pa hoofwrestlin' Big Mac."
"Do you…"
"Miss em?" Applejack finished the question. "Yeah. Yeah, Ah do. But Ah don't get too sad about it, you know? Ma and Pa left us a huge legacy, and Ah know Ah've shown y'all their tree." She took a sip of her juice. "It's still… hard, knowin' they're not here. Wishin' they could see how Apple Bloom has grown up. Meet Big Mac's girl. Meet Rarity and the rest of my friends. But Ah know, that wherever they are, they're lookin' down on us and smilin', 'cause they know we're doin' our best." She looked up. "How about you?"
Sunset nodded. "It's why I feel so… insulted by Honey Stead's insistence on telling me what I should feel. I miss my dad. But I don't let it cripple me or drive me to tears, because that's not what he would have wanted. He taught me what he could and made sure I could make it to Canterlot to study at Celestia's school. I owe him so much! But my mind is not filled with his last moments. When he comes to mind, it's not in his death bed. Like you, it's the moments when we're together having fun that come to mind."
"Ah understand, but, y'know that's not the case for everyone. That pony back there—"
"Yeah," Sunset interrupted. "I get it. We're all different and his experience was maybe traumatic… I can't understand what he's feeling either."
Applejack nodded.
"I'm glad you realize that," Honey Stead said, approaching them. "I've lived through this, and I can tell you that the pain never goes away. Which is why Celestia and Princess Twilight are both wr—"
"I understand that you have a set of circumstances," Sunset interrupted. "But that doesn't give me the right to tell you that you're wrong to be sad." She poked him on the chest. "Just like it doesn't give you the right to put words in their mouths, or tell me or anyone else how I should feel."
"Seriously though," Applejack spoke up. "Why are you following us?"
"We just happen to be moving in the same direction, that's all."
Sunset and Applejack looked at each other. "Right."
Before he could answer, the train slowed to a stop and the doors opened. The trio looked at each other.
"Fine." Sunset sighed. "You can walk with us. But no more talking about this or your book."
Honey Stead bit his lip, but nodded. The three stepped out and made their way through the small city, towards the cemetery. It was a short walk, and soon enough they could see the gates. Honey Stead stopped dead in his tracks. "Well. There it is."
"Yeah, come on," Sunset said stepping forth, but Honey Stead's hoof stopped her.
"Wait," he said, suddenly sounding less sure of himself. "Do we need to go in?"
"This is why we came all the way here, right?" Sunset asked.
"Come on, sugarcube," Applejack said gently. "They're waitin' for us."
Sunset and Applejack started walking reaching the entrance and looking back at him expectantly, but Honey Stead stayed behind. "N-no! It's not right! There's so much pain! Why go in there a-and feel it more!"
"Ah don't know about you, Honey Stead," Applejack said gently, "but when my Ma and Pa died, Ah was sufferin'. Ah was blamin' my sister, my brother, hay, anyone that would try and comfort me. But then Ah learned more about them. Ah remembered who they were for me. And Ah realized… I would miss them, but Ah would always have them with me. Right now you can go in and talk to them. Get this pain out of your heart. It might not make it all go away, but it will help a little."
Honey Stead took a step back. "When somepony dies, all they are ceases to be. They are no longer here, providing comfort. All they leave behind is emptiness and despair with their absence! I can't just… go in and—"
"Then why did you come?" Sunset demanded, turning to face him fully. "Why follow us? Why walk all the way here?"
"To prove you wrong!" Honey Stead snapped. "To prove that you'll despair when you see the tombstone! To prove that I'm right and that the void they leave behind can never allow you rest or space for more! Because when they die they take a chunk of you with them!"
"I don't believe that," Sunset said. "I believe the opposite. I think that when a pony dies, their memories and their feelings remain in me. That my father's wishes for my health and happiness are like a blanket on my soul. That when they leave, they inhabit my spirit with their lessons and their laughter."
"It's not true!"
"Then come!" Applejack said, stepping to the side so the entrance to the cemetery was in plain view, unobstructed. "You're not alone, sugarcube. Find out for yourself."
"You are just repeating nonsense," Honey Stead insisted, taking a step back. "You want to do this, fine! But don't come begging to me when you can't handle the pain on your own!"
"Sugarcube… it's fine."
Shaking his head, Honey Stead ran away.
Sunset stood in front of the tombstone. She gently used her magic to clean away the dust and then levitated some flowers to lay them at its base.
"How do you feel?" Applejack asked.
"Honey Stead—"
Applejack groaned.
"No. No… for all his… peculiarities, he made me realize something important."
"Really?" Applejack scratched her head. "What is that?"
"How lucky we are, you and I."
"Huh. How do you figure that, right now?"
Sunset sighed and sat down in front of her father's tombstone. "It's true that we lost someone very important to us. In your case more than one, but we're able to look at the good, rather than holding on to the bad… and we still are empathic enough to realize that not everyone can deal with things in the same way, that our experience is not directly proportional to someone else's.
"We were loved, provided to in as many ways as our parents could. And we were lucky to have them in our lives. When I make decisions, now that I'm not… blinded by hate, I can see his influence, even when I left so young. When I accomplish something and I wish he were there to what I've done, I think of it as knowing that he would have been proud of me, and that is why I would have liked him to see it, not because he's not able to anymore.
"Honey Stead has done the opposite—all he thinks about is how his parents aren't there to see him. Because he is desperate for them. He is unable to even see that others can move on. It's no wonder he would write a book like "The Pain of Eternity", when all he sees is a bleak absence of love."
Applejack whistled. "That's some revelation, Sunset," she said, taking a seat next to her. "And Ah agree." She looked at the tombstone with a slight smile. "Ah think your dad would be proud of you being better than you were. That you've made friends, and moved forward. That his legacy lives on in your words and actions." She threw a foreleg around Sunset's shoulder, pulling her in for a hug. "Ah know Ah am."
Sunset chuckled. "Maybe I should write a book too."
"Heh. What would you call it?"
Two Thousand Years Later…
"Mom! Mooom!"
The door to Twilight's study busted open and a young unicorn filly ran inside. Her green coat was barely visible under the winter coat she was wearing, and her saddlebags were covered in snow, a clear indication she had been running around outside in the city. Why, Twilight couldn't even see the cutie mark under all that.
"Apple Parfait," Twilight said, smiling, "shouldn't you have gotten out of your winter coat and put away your saddlebags? You're making a mess!"
"I'll clean it up, I promise! I found something!"
"Oh? And what is it you found?"
"Another book!"
Twilight blinked. "Oh my. Tell me you didn't dig it out of the snow."
"Of course not," Apple Parfait scoffed, "it'd be destroyed. I went to the library!"
"Right," Twilight said watching curiously as her daughter levitated a book out of her saddlebag. She laughed when she saw the cover. "My goodness, why did you pick this one up?"
"Well, I wanted to see if there were any copies of the Pain of Eternity in the library, and I found one! But then, this one was right next to it!" Apple Parfait said. "And it says it was written just a few years after Pain."
Twilight chuckled. "Why, yes it was. It was written by a very special pony, too."
"Flanksy?"
"That is just a pen name," Twilight said, grinning.
"So, can we read it?"
"I have a better idea, why don't you tell your auntie to read it to you?" Twilight said, poking her daughter in the chest with a hoof. "Trust me. It'll be worth it."
Apple Parfait blinked, but then smiled and nodded, galloping out of the room with the book held in her telekinetic grip. "Auntie Sunset! Auntie Sunset! Mom says you should read me this book!"
Twilight could hear Sunset's voice from deeper in the castle. "Oh? What's the title?"
"It's called: The Joy of Remembrance!"
