“Fleetfoot! Your corners are terrible! Get in there tight!” I hear from the captain’s cloud. I glance down and see Spitfire, the Wonderbolt captain and normally my partner, glaring up at me. I beat my wings harder, take the next corner sharp. “Pick up the pace Soarin! Match him Dash!” She yells again. I dip my wing and swerve around the imaginary corner. I circle into a serpentine and loop around the others in our finale. The wind blows my mane back wben I come down to hover in front of the captain, discreetly offering my hoof to the rookie, Rainbow Dash. She flashes a grin and bumps my hoof with hers before drifting over to Soarin, who at long last had finally become her coltfriend. The rest of the Wonderbolts assemble quickly, waiting to see what Captain had to say. She glowers at us through her sunglasses. “That was awful.” She states flatly. “I’ve seen the group of cadets do better. Half of you don’t even know what you’re doing. Practice might be over for today, but I’m expecting everyone to go study the routine again. I’m also expecting a lot more from you all at practice tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yes ma’am!” We answer in unison.
“Good. Dismissed.” She announces. I stay where I am as the others all fly in the direction of their dorms.
“Wanna go for a fly?” I ask my roommate.
“Bit busy now” She doesn't look up from her clipboard. But, there you have Spitfire. Arrogant, stern, cold, and the closest thing I have for a friend. But hey. I’m not much better.
I fly off, heading away from HQ. This is my routine. I always go for a cool-down flight after a hard training session, and sometimes another Wonderbolt joined me; sometimes they didn’t. It looks like I’ll be alone today as I passed soft white clouds. My wings are sore after days of intense training, so the clouds’ cool, gentle wisps feel good when I brushed against them. I start to feel myself relax, the tense muscles in my wings stretching out and loosening. I could make a stop in the Everfree Forest today. It had some nice lakes that reflected the clouds perfectly. Yes, I’ll do that. I’ve been wanting to for a while, and today I can spare some time. I angle my blueish wings and switch directions, moving in the direction of the dark green forest. It doesn’t take long to get there, seeing as it’s so big and hard to miss.
I’ve been here twice before. I remember the lake with the clouds, and the rare flowers that could only be found in the Forest of Everfree. What I didn’t quite remember was the haunting trees and the tendrils of smoke drifting out from Celestia knows where. I feel so small, standing there at the entrance. The trees surrounding me. They set me on edge, making me even more jumpy than I usually was. An uneasiness rippled through my stomach. Maybe I should go back. Who knew what was lurking in the Forest. But that would mean going back to Cloudsdale, where I would have to train, train, and train even harder. No, I need this break. I’m a Wonderbolt, I’m tough, all that. I lifted off into the air once again, flying low under the trees. The feeling in my gut strengthened. This was not a good idea. Just as I was about to turn around, the fog thickened. I landed. It was so white to the point of being black. My heart started to race. I turned around slowly, searching for a way out. There was darkness everywhere. There was light everywhere. A voice laughed. It was deep; it was high. It was female; it was male. It was the voice of the Everfree Forest. My knees started to go weak. There was a smell too. I’m certain it was a drug of some sort. I tried to flap my wings but I couldn’t feel them anymore. The voice laughed again.
“This will be your fate. You have made a mistake. You have disturbed the voice of the Everfree, and you shall pay.” I open my mouth to protest. I can’t say anything. Why can’t I say anything? “Don’t dare argue with this. You have disturbed the voice of the Everfree, and you shall pay. You have disturbed the voice of the Everfree, and you shall pay. You have disturbed the voice of the Everfree, and you shall pay.” My head started to feel faint. Was it the fear? Or maybe whatever was in the smoke? “Remember this moment, Fleetfoot. For from now on, YOU SHALL BE IN DARKNESS.” Something gave in my head. As if something had disappeared. I’m scared. Really, really scared. I shouldn’t have come today. With a last powerful rush, the light and darkness stream toward me, enveloping me in heat. It burns. And then I can’t feel anything anymore.
“Fleetfoot. Fleets, you’ve got to wake up. Fleetfoot!” I hear a muffled voice. My head hurts, so bad. It feels like I can’t move; I’m too stiff, too sore. “Fleetfoot. Can you hear me?” Yes, I want to say. Yes, I can hear you. Stop talking so loud. Who are you? What’s going on? I have to move. I know I do. My body just feels so heavy… I want to go back to nothing. I have to fight. Do I have to fight? Yes. No? “Fleets. Come on!” Fleets. Someone used to call me that. My team. The Wonderbolts. Yes, that sounds right. I’m a Wonderbolt. Right, right. Someone’s calling me. I know her – the voice is familiar. Is she a part of the Wonderbolts too? I can’t remember. Everything hurts. My head. But no, I have to fight. Maybe if I move my hoof. It’s so heavy, though. I think I just moved. Yes, movements are coming back to me. I test my other hoof. I can move that too. “That’s it Fleets. Come on.” She’s talking too loud. Please talk quieter? Now I can move my other feet too. I’m doing better, aren’t I?
“Spitfire.” I rasp the name. Where did that name come from? Did I just say something?
“Yes. That’s right. Did you break anything? Are you okay?” The voice is quieter now. I’ve never heard it like this. Did I break anything? My head hurts. I’ve broken my wing before. I didn’t break it. My feet are heavy, but they don’t hurt. I want to say it. My mouth feels like its filled with sawdust. What did she ask? Was it if I’d broken anything? No, I didn’t. I move my head from side to side. Stars explode, making my head throb even more. Make it stop. Please, make it stop.
“Okay… that’s good… can you get up? C’mon Fleets. Stay with me here.” Spitfire says again. The last part is louder again. So, so loud. This isn’t like me. Is this like me? I’m not sure. Something happened. I need to remember. Think, Fleetfoot. Think.
“Spitfire.” I whisper again. Why is my voice so hoarse? I need to open my eyes. Then this will make sense again. They feel glued shut. But I open them anyway. That’s another good thing, right?
“Yeah. I’m right here. Fleets, can you get up?” She’s right here. I can feel her. Why can’t I see her? My eyes are open; why can’t I see her? Words start forming in my head. Please, please. Let me say them.
“I can’t see.” Why did I say that? Can I see? Talking hurts. It’s like somepony set fire to my throat.
“Oh Celestia no. Fleetfoot, we’re in the Everfree Forest. You asked me if I wanted to fly with you, and I told you I was busy. I finished up earlier so I flew after you. When I got here, about an hour ago, you were lying right here. I need you to tell me what happened. I know it hurts, but you gotta try.” She’s talking too much. Okay, I’m in the Forest. She found me. Did she see the fog? Did she hear the voice? My head’s pounding. I think I’m supposed to be tougher. Am I? Oh, yes, Spitfire asked me to talk. What about, again? Right, she asked me what happened. Even before I start to talk, my voice is protesting. So scratchy, so hoarse.
“So much fog. And the voice was loud. My head hurts.” I moaned. Does she get it? Please don’t make me say more. Please, please, please, just let me rest.
“I know. Fleets, what voice?” Spitfire asks me. I want to see her. Will I ever see her?
“Voice… so loud, so dark. Hurts to hear.” I murmured. I think I’m more awake now. I still can’t see.
“Was there anypony here?” Is she worried? Does she think I’m insane?
“No. Not a pony. The voice.” Why doesn’t she get it? I feel something on me. I’m lying on my back; I feel that now. She put her hoof on my shoulder. Okay, so she’s more by my head. I like knowing that. Suddenly her grip tightens.
“The Voice of the Everfree?” She gasps. I might have winced at the sharp sound. I close my eyes again and nod. The motion makes me feel sick with pain. Actually, I think I am going to be sick. I feel the last of my energy surge when I heave into a sitting position. I might have knocked into Spitfire, but right now I don’t really care. I lean over just in time to throw up. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this sick in my life. Not when I broke my wing, not when I had the feather flu. “Whoa, Fleets. Easy there. Relax. You’re gonna be okay. Can you see right now? Don’t move.” Spitfire’s voice is… shaking?!
“Head hurts.” I mumble. I tuck my chin to my chest, easing down so my head in between my hind legs. The nausea loosens, and I can finally take a breath. Okay. I can’t see. Some sort of spell? My head hurts. The result of a possible spell? Or maybe I landed hard some way?
“I know, Fleets. Hang in there.” Spitfire tells me. I’m trying. I’m focusing on breathing in and out. Inhaling, exhaling. “Atta girl. Okay. I’m going to fly back to HQ and get some of the ‘Bolts. We’ll help you, okay?” She’s trying to get her captain’s voice back.
“No hospital.” I manage. That’s not smart. I know it. I’m not fine, and I won’t say so. But I just want my cloud bed.
“Fleetfoot. You’re going to see a doctor. But I can fly him to Headquarters. We just need to get you home now. I will be right back. Don’t go anywhere, hear me? Stay right here.” Her voice is starting to grow firm and determined. A mare on a mission. I don’t want her to leave. I need her here. But I won’t go anywhere. I keep my head between my legs, still just breathing. A small breeze picks up; I think it’s coming from her wings. Yeah, that’s what it’s always like when a pegasus lifts off the ground. She’s flying away now. I know she’ll be back soon. Now all I can do is wait.
“Down here. Be quiet.” It couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes after Spitfire left when I hear wingbeats again. This time there are multiple ones. I curl up tighter. I don’t like being weak. I need help. I hear the Wonderbolts land next to me.
“Fleetfoot. Hey, it’s Soarin, okay? Can you see right now?” One of the stallions said quietly. Slowly, because I don’t want to get sick again, I shake my head. I hear him mutter something to another pony. I can’t hear it but frankly I don’t care. “Okay, Fleets? We’re going to carry you up to HQ, nice and easy. If anything hurts, just tell us, alright?” I squeeze my eyes shut, willing my head to stop pounding. Then I feel hooves wrap around my middle and my feet. They lift me up and start flying. I can feel my heartbeat in my head, growing louder and louder as we go up in altitude.
“Relax, Fleets. We’re almost there.” I hear a voice again. I hear a door open. Some hooves let go, setting me on the cloud floor. I wobble a bit, then find my balance. Some more hushed talking. The door closes. Please, somepony tell me what’s going on. “Okay. You’re in our room. Fleets, you’re a mess. You’ve got twigs in your mane and dirt all over your coat. You need a shower, and everypony just left. I’m gonna give you my hoof and just follow me, okay?” Spitfire tells me. I stay still. Then I feel a hoof reach out and touch my shoulder. I lift mine and place it in hers. She starts to walk, slowly, and I figure out she’s not hard to follow. She leads me into our shower, steps out, and turns the hot water on. I flinch hard when the heavy droplets fall onto my back. Once upon a time, it might have felt good, but not now. A tear leaks out of my sightless eyes. I can hear Spitfire’s sharp inhale. Is she debating whether to ignore it or not? Is she thinking I’m weak? I hear hoofsteps, and then her warm wing drapes over my back, and we just stand there. The water hoses me down. With a shaky wing, I start washing my mane. I can smell the peppermint scent she recently bought worked into the shampoo. I lower my head. My feet are unsteady; if it weren’t for Spitfire’s wing I don’t think I’d be standing. I works soap into my coat, delicately lifting each wing to clean the sensitive areas underneath. I move to my tail, using the peppermint again. Spitfire stays on the other side of the cloud shower, but we don’t talk. I turn off the water, and can’t help but shiver at the sudden lack of heat. Where did I put my towel last? I hear hoofsteps again, and then a rough towel lands on my back. I start to dry myself off, going slow so I don’t aggravate my head any more than I already have. I finish my stomach, tail, and back area, carefully unfolding my wing to toss the towel up to dry my mane.
“Thanks.” I say to Spitfire. My voice is still a bit raspy, but at least I don’t have to whisper anymore.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it.” Her voice dry, as though she’s struggling to keep it together. “’Kay, I’m gonna give you my hoof again, and I’ll get you to your bed. Then I’m going to fetch Dr. Cloud. You better not fall asleep on me.” Now she’s sounding a bit more like herself. Once again, I feel her hoof on my shoulder. I lift my own and place it in hers, letting her lead me to my bed. I can’t contain a grunt of pain when I ease down. I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay. The cloud pillow has never felt so good. “I’m gonna get Crash or Clipper to stay with you. I’ll be back soon.” Spitfire tells me. I nod carefully, then I hear her wingbeats again. I’m alone for a moment. I want to think things through, get down to business. But I’m just so, so tired. I’m just about to drift off when there’s a soft knock on the door.
“Hey. How’re you holding up?” Soarin’s voice said. He, too, has a tremor in his voice that I can tell he’s trying to hide.
“Not too bad.” I force the words out. I find they’re true.
“That’s good.” He says. I hear the door close, and hoofsteps coming closer. “Spitfire says you still can’t see.”
“Yeah.” I wonder if I should be upset. I am, of course, but not angry. That’s a good thing; I should stay calm. Soarin is silent now. I feel that he’s moved next to my bed. It’s a weird thing, to not be able to see. Time passes slowly, and you’re hyperaware of every movement. I notice things I wouldn’t have noticed before.
“Fleets, you know that we’ll be here for you no matter what, right?” Soarin speaks again after moments of nothing. I turn my head toward the sound of his voice. I can’t see him, just blackness as dark as a cave, but I can still look toward him.
“Thank you, Soarin. It means… a lot.” My voice is starting to hurt again. I have to drop to a whisper. All was still for a few long moments. Then another knock sounded at the door, and the world was set in motion again.
“Fleetfoot? Doctor’s here.” Spitfire calls softly as she steps through the door. The white pegasus doctor walks after her. He has a gentle face, worn from years of hardcore medical issues. He also has a soft gait, and he makes it hard to place what he’s doing, where he’s going. My ears are preparing to strain when I feel an aged hoof on the very tip of my hind leg. I realize it’s the doctors hoof as it trails along my body. He knows what this feels like, I can tell. He knows I appreciate another way of knowing where ponies are when I can’t outright see them.
“Hello, Fleetfoot. I see you’ve had an incident with the Voice. That isn’t fun, is it?” The doctor’s voice is low and gravelly, steady. I think it’s supposed to be soothing, but instead I feel fear. This is real, this is big. I can’t see. The doctor’s here now. It isn’t some kind of sick joke. I clench my jaw, sending spurts of pain through my face. I have to relax; get ahold of myself. What is going on with me? My head is starting to pound again. No, please, no. “I need you to talk to me. Okay? So I can help you. What hurts right now?” Dr. Cloud asks me. I want him to stop talking. Want him to leave, so I can hurt. Have to stay strong though. Stay strong, stay strong, stay strong.
“Head hurts.” I choke out between the river of panic and pain floating in my head.
“Anything else? No? Okay. I’m going to shine light into your eyes, and I want you to tell me if you can see anything.” Dr. Cloud is starting to talk even quieter. Yes, stay quiet. But no! Not too quiet; I need to hear what he’s doing. I’m exhausted, but every nerve is on edge. Please, just let me relax. Why am I always asking others? Does it matter? What’s he doing right now? Even more fear floods my head… my heart. “She’s not responding.” I hear the doctor say. I don’t think he says it to me. Is Soarin still here? Spitfire? Yes, probably Spitfire.
“That’s not good, is it?” Yes, it’s Spitfire. Oh Celestia, what’s wrong with her voice? Why is her voice breaking?
“No ma’am. I’m afraid it isn’t. Your friend has indeed encountered the Voice of Everfree, and it has turned it’s wrath toward Fleetfoot here. There isn’t much we can do when the Everfree Forest casts a spell such as this. The truth is, ma’am, Fleetfoot is blind.” The doctor finishes gently. Through the cloudy quarters of my mind, I hear a sharp inhale. I have to clear my head. What is happening to me? I can’t do this. Waves of heat land all over me. “Breathe, Fleetfoot. Count to ten and back again, okay? That’s it, good girl.” One, two, three, four. I focus on the numbers. Five, six, seven, eight. My breathing’s evening out. The heat starts to edge away. Nine, ten, nine, eight. The crippling fear lightens, freeing my chest. I can breath again. Seven, six, five, four. My head still aches, but I can think straighter now. Three, two, one. Am I okay again? Close enough.
“Fleetfoot?” Spitfire sounds so cautious, so careful. I inhale and exhale again.
“The patient seems to have suffered a panic attack. Does she have any history with anxiety?” Dr. Cloud asks. He’s not asking me. I think he’s asking Spitfire.
“Not that I know of.” I can’t picture what she looks like right now.
“Alright. I don’t want to prescribe pills, considering the condition she is in right now, but the counting methods usually work. If that doesn’t, having something to do with her hooves probably will. Say, have her put on wing balm or anything along those lines. She also has a mild concussion, which seems worse with the anxiety attacks, but will actually heal within days. The blindness, well, it’s really unpredictable. Normally, if she had been in a natural accident, she would be permanently blind. Nopony can predict how the Everfree Forest works, though, so I don’t really know what to tell you. If she starts seeing light, that’s a good sign; call me immediately.” Dr. Cloud speaks again. My mind is sharper now, and I can understand most of what he is saying. “But. There’s a very good chance, and I’m sorry, but this is the most possible possibility, that this is permanent. It will certainly be a setback, but I don’t see any reason why Fleetfoot won’t be able to fly after the concussion is healed. Ease her back into training, however, and respect when she says she needs to stop for a while. This isn’t easy for her; you remember that now.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” Spitfire says quietly, as he packs up his things and moves to the door. There is a pause, and then the door clicks shut.
“Spitfire?” I ask. My voice is quiet – it’s fitting, in a way.
“Fleets…” I feel the bed shifts as she sits down next to me. I feel her wing settle over mine. And we just stay there for a while. Neither of us are the Wonderbolts Equestria knows us for. For a moment, we’re both just mares. Soft, emotional, sad. Will I ever fly like I used to? Will I ever be able to think of the Everfree Forest without thinking about the ghostlike voice? Or the stifling fog that will forever choke me, limiting my ability to breathe and stay calm? Probably not. I feel… empty. But I think that’s okay. Because what’s happening is hard. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next days, months, years. Or if I’m going to get through them at all. But I’m going to breathe. Count to ten and back again. And then I might soar.
Author's Note
This was written somewhat off of personal anxiety experiences... I'm sorry if it seems confusing - everyone's experiences are different, and this is what mine are like.
I'm open to feedback, good or bad! I'd love to improve this, so if you dislike, constructive criticism is welcome!
