There were not a whole lot of ponies around on the Las Pegasus train station at three in the morning. Which was lucky, since Cozy Glow did not really know how to explain the presence of a changeling and a centaur if anypony were to ask what they were doing here. Also since the activities that happened on the night in Las Pegasus was not necessarily fit for a filly of Cozy’s age, so she was not exactly inconspicuous either even if she had her parents with her.
”Where are they Papa?” Cozy pouted with her best puppy eyes. Sadly Svengallop’s heart was just as empty as Grogar’s, and her charm had no effect.
”They are both busy stallions and were most likely asleep when I called them. They will come as soon as they can,” he answered.
”But I wanna go now!” Cozy whined. ”If somepony spots Tirek and Chryssie here they will haul as all back to Tartarus.”
”If anypony wants to haul my daughter off to Tartarus in my presence they had better have a handsome bribe ready,” Svengallop said.
”Two bribes,” Suri Polomare chimed in. She turned to her daughter. ”Are you sure you have packed everything now Cozy? Blanket? Toothbrush? Teddy Bear?”
”How long are we going to wait here for!” Chrysalis sneered and buzzed angrily with her wings. ”Anypony can come! Where is the transport you promised?”
”… Bug spray?”
”Got them all mommy,” Cozy said dutifully. Suri patted Cozy’s head.
”I’m with Chrysalis on this one,” Tirek said with a suspicious glance over his shoulder. ”You said you could have a transport ready between Las Pegasus and Canterlot. Now where is it? We can’t wait here forever!”
A train whistle interrupted Cozy’s answer. ”There they are,” Svengallop said. ”Flim and Flam. Old classmates of mine and Cozy’s godparents. Be kind to them now Cozy. Remember to go to bed when they tell you to and shill any merchandise they ask.”
”Right, I’ll be good,” Cozy said and hugged her parents. ”Thanks for setting me up with a transport to Canterlot on such short notice.”
”Think nothing of it dear,” Suri said. Cozy felt her slipping something into her saddlebag. ”Cyanide pill, just in case you happen upon Rarity in Canterlot,” she whispered and planted a kiss on Cozy’s forehead before letting her go. ”Father and I got to go; we are sort of not allowed to be seen together with Flim and Flam. Make sure you write when you want to go home.”
”Will do!” Cozy said as the train came to a stop. The doors to the one train cart opened and two ponies stepped out dressed in identical striped vests and boater hats.
”Cozy! Long time no see,” Flim said happily.
”Much too long. I heard you’ve had quite the adventure since last we met.”
”Oh, golly did I ever!” Cozy said happily. ”I’ll tell you all about it later!” She flew into the train and appeared in one of the windows, waving to Tirek.
”And you must be Cozy’s goons,” Flim said to Tirek and Chrysalis. ”Come aboard. Just wipe your hooves first.”
”Please step aboard and enjoy this state-of-the-art train ride to Canterlot!”
”Allow us to cater for your every need on this little trip!”
”And remember, leave your common sense at the door…”
”Because there will be nothing common about this trip!”
Chrysalis and Tirek looked blankly at Flim and Flam. They glanced at one another before they tentatively stepped aboard the train. Tirek had to cover to get in under the low roof. Chrysalis could walk upright, but looked extremely out of place among the red plush seats and lacquered wood details. Cozy already sat by a table with two seats across her. Chrysalis sat down next to her while Tirek crushed both seats on the other side of the table. The train soon began to move. Flim and Flam both stepped into the train car.
”Now, before we proceed with anything else, let’s get the formalia out of the way first,” Flim said and levitated a pen to Chrysalis while Flam slammed a massive pile of paper in front of her. ”Please sign this form. It’s a standard passenger form which we send to the income tax bureau… no need to read it, just sign with your name here.” Flim indicated a small line underneath a wall of text.
”No,” Chrysalis said and crossed her legs. ”If you are family to this little demon-filly, then I won’t put my name on anything you give me.”
Flim dramatically placed his hoof over his heart. ”You wound me! I wouldn’t dream of cheating a charming… bug, such as yourself with an unfair deal!”
”It’s simply inconceivable!” Flam exclaimed.
”Impossible!”
”Incomprehensible!”
”Just concentrate on getting us where we need to go and I won’t steal your magic and throw you off the train,” Tirek grumbled, sitting now in a strangely hunched position in the much too small train car.
”Of course, my good despot,” Flim said and immediately shifted his attention to Tirek. ”But not before I told you about my brother’s and mine wonderful protein supplement! Nutritious and tasty for the discerning, determined and dominating body-builder.”
”We can see that you are a centaur who takes his body seriously,” Flam said and somehow appeared by Tirek’s side, lifting his muscular right arm for emphasis.
”And why wouldn’t you? You body is the most important thing you own, after all.”
”Which is why my brother and I can recommend our protein supplements! To make sure that you, yes you, my fine fellow, gets the most of those hours you spend in the gym!”
”Mark my words, you dream figure is only a single signature away!” Flam slid a document towards Tirek. ”And to make it an even better deal for you, my friend, you can receive your money back by selling the same license to your friends in turn!”
”And all of this can be yours for just a tiny down payment of three hundred bits!*”
”I’m in!**” Tirek said happily and scribbled his name on the document. Both Chrysalis and Cozy stared at Tirek with shock and pity.
”That’s what they call a pyramid scheme, right?” Cozy Glow whispered to Chrysalis.
”Yup, it is,” Chrysalis confirmed. ”If you have lent him any money, I’d recommend collecting it before he goes bankrupt.”
”Well, after such a lucrative evening, I think it is time to call it a night,” Flam said after having stashed Tirek’s contract safely in his vest pocket. ”The train ride will take another five hours. I suggest you get some sleep. My brother and I will wake you up.”
”I’m going to brush my teeth,” Cozy said and hopped down on the floor and made her way towards the bathrooms in the back of the train.
”Just one thing first,” Flam said. ”I just need to enable the water. One moment,” Flam quickly disappeared into the bathroom. Cozy thought she heard a pen scribbling on paper, but she was not sure. ”There we go,” Flam said and stepped out.
Cozy looked after him, shrugged and went in. She flew up to the water basin and found a small scrap of paper with a tiny pill on top. She put the pill away and picked up the note.
This is a hypnotic. Make sure the Changeling eats it.
Cozy smiled. Her godfathers did not disappoint. And since Chrysalis always had a glass of water next to her bed, this would not be difficult. She brushed her teeth quickly
"Chryssie! It's time for you to brush your teeth now! I'm done."
*****
Two hours later, Flim and Flam peeked into the train car. Cozy had curled up on one of the seats, Cozy laid sprawled over three seats, almost like she had fallen asleep before she could properly lay down. Tirek was still folded over the chairs in a way that would leave him with chronic back pain when he got older. Flam nodded to Flim and pointed at Chrysalis. Flim nodded and silently crept up next to her sleeping form. Flam quickly magicked over a small ink pot with a brush to his brother. Flim quickly brushed a layer of ink over her hoof and then stamped it on an official-looking document his brother levitated over to him. Then he quickly left.
*****
”Rise and shine! Breakfast is served!” Flim called the next morning. Cozy woke up immediately and took a piece of toast from the tray. Chrysalis slowly opened her eyes and slowly, barely lifted her head to the tray. She fumbled with the coffee pot and did not even notice that her right hoof smeared ink all over the tray. Tirek woke up but did not move as his back was stiff as a board. Carefully he tried to shimmy his way out into the middle lane of the train car. An audible pop! sounded in the train and a grimace of pain flashed over his face before he stumbled out in the walkway.
”If you have bent our furniture, you will be held accountable,” Flam informed him. ”We will send you the bill… which you will have to pay for. Do you want tea or coffee?” Flam magicked over to a cup and two steaming pots.
”Chai Tea,” Tirek said and discreetly tried to bend the chairs back into position. Of course, discreet is a relative term, as a nine foot demon centaur could never hope to fully live up to the word.
”Coming right up!” Flam said and began to prepare a cup.
”I want orange juice!” Cozy chirped. ”And Chryssie too. She loves orange juice.”
”I do not,” Chrysalis mumbled, to tired to bicker. ”I am a changeling; I literally do not need your food.”
”We like to call her the fruit fly,” Cozy informed the rest of the train. Chrysalis groaned. ”Or the cake monster. She really likes cakes too. And buns. Really, Chryssie is just one big sweet tooth,” Cozy went on with an innocent smile. She took the glass of juice Flim had prepared and zipped over to Chrysalis with it. ”She’s lucky she has me to remind her to brush her teeth. I don’t know how she managed before she met me.” Chrysalis took the glass of orange juice and stared morosely at it, as if contemplating whether or not it was deep enough to drown herself in.
”Chai Tea is ready!” Flam said and poured it up in a bloomy blue cup. Tirek took the cup and emptied it in half a gulp. He tried to put it down and instead proceeded to reduce it to gravel as he slammed it into Flam’s small tray.
”You will be held accountable for that,” Flam informed him. ”We will send you the bill… which you will have to pay for.”
”Can I at least get this and the chairs on the same bill?” Tirek asked tiredly.
”No.”
”How much longer to Canterlot?” Tirek sighed. ”I don’t think I can afford much longer on this train.”
”Just twenty minutes or so,” Flim said. ”And don’t worry about the ticket for the train. Cozy is a friend of the family, so she can travel for fr- I mean half the price. As for the rest of you… we take cash or credit.”
”How much?” Cozy asked. ”I have fifteen bits for my allowance. Or is it okay if I promise to kill somepony instead?”
”That would fall under ’credit’ yes,” Flam said. ”Be a good filly and put Applejack in the ground for us, won’t you?”
”Sure! I love a good brutalizing!” Cozy smiled.
”I’ll do the same!” Tirek quickly offered.
”Me too!” Chrysalis said.
”Remember that Cozy Pays half the price, so you both has to take down two ponies each,” Flim said.
”Sure, whatever,” Tirek said. ”It’s not like I can afford to pay any other way…”
”Well in that case, fix the entire Apple Family and Starswirl the Bearded too. He ruined our completely legitimate friendship university, and I want to see him schooled for notes.”
”Okay, perfect,” Tirek said before Flim and Flam had the time to change their minds.
”Canterlot Station!” An announcer called as the train began to slow down.
”Well, then our time together seems to be up,” Flim said and opened the door out to a crowded station.
”Give us a call when you want to go home!” Flam said.
Chrysalis, Tirek and Cozy looked at one another and then quickly darted from the train and into a shadowy alleyway.
It would actually have been a subtile escape if not for the inky tracks that Chrysalis left on the white marble floor.
*Fee does not include shipping costs. You are hereby bounded to purchase the above stated trash supplements for the duration of sixty-seven Equestrian moons. Upon selling a smilar license, one third of the subscription fee must be paid to the holder of this contract. Flim and Flam are not in any way, shape, or form responsible for any side effects that will may occur upon consumption of the protein supplement, nor are they liable for any economic losses that will may occur upon signing this contract. You are absolutely not allowed to sue them over anything even remotely connected to this contract.
**You poor bastard…
