The Sandvich.
The shape of it was enough to leave mathematicians bumble around in circles trying to figure out how it was made to be so perfect. The ingredients were of such quality that the finest culinary artists would faint in the mere presence of the delicious masterpiece. A combination of the five basic food groups in such a fashion left many baffled by how it could even be possible. Worst of all, It appealed to all the senses, enticing one to just pick it up and take one small bite…
Luna did not know what to make of the sudden appearance of a certain triangular culinary snack appearing directly where her daisy sandwich had sat just before.
She prodded at it magically, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of it. None came. She poked it hesitantly, then quickly withdrew her hoof. Still no reaction. Seeing as it appeared harmless, the picked it up using magic, and studied the intrusion curiously.
“Art thou intelligent?” No response. “It appears not…”
It had the form of a sandwich. It was shaped like a sandwich. It smelled like a sandwich. It most likely tasted like a sandwich, as well. However, there was one thing that was slightly off as far as she could see from the triangular most likely edible matter.
From what she could tell, it was made up of bread, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, a toothpick, an olive, and an unidentifiable substance. It was the unidentifiable substance that she was intrigued by.
She rotated what was most likely a sandwich using her magic, and tried to place what it was. It looked familiar; however she could not quite place what it was… It appeared to be a rubbery reddish-gray texture, and was laid out in a manner that fit the bread practically perfectly.
There seemed to be only one way to figure out what this strange intruder to her midnight snack was, and that appeared to be eating it. And so she nook a small nibble.
“mph!” Her eyes grew wide as the first taste of the delicacy entered her mouth. It was an explosion of flavor, so much so that she had to take a few seconds to process everything. The bread was not to dry, and had the perfect airy texture to it. The lettuce was crisp and flavorful. The tomatoes were sweet, but not so sweet that they overpowered the other ingredients in flavor, and in fact brought out the other flavors. The cheese was… well, cheesy, but in such a way that it tasted so incredibly good.
Then that taste came.
Her face turned goblin green. She knew what the mystery ingredient was now. Images of her first meetings with the griffin oligarchy surfaced as she tried to horridly wipe the chewed remains of the sandwich off her palette using her hooves.
“Meat…. How could we be so foalish?” She coughed slightly, trying to clear her throat of the taste of meat. She remembered when she had first met the griffins, and they had offered her a slice of meat as an offering. She had accepted, and had sworn off eating for days after she had a small taste of that retched material in her mouth.
As she continued to hack of the horribly taste the meat had left on her tongue, she turned around to look back at the sandwich which had found itself free from Luna’s magical grasp and back on the plate where it had appeared. There were two key differences now, though. The first was that it was now rotating in place, seemingly of its own power and not using any sort of magic to do so. The second was that there was no indication at all that she had taken a nibble. It looked exactly as she had found it, perfect and ready to be eaten.
“What form of sorcery is this?!” She wondered. Deciding to take the cautionary route, she thought out her next move. “We
should take this to Celestia…. She will know what to do with this…”
Something was keeping her from doing so, though, and she turned back to face the revolving dish. “Or perhaps we could deal with this problem ourselves… No need to bring in sister for things she will most likely have no interest in…”
And so the sandwich was taken by Luna for further study, not knowing of the possible consequences of her actions.
One week later…
Canterlot castle. The home of the sisters who control the nation of Equestria. It’s white walls gleamed in the sunlight, and the flags atop the spires flapped in the wind.
Also, the entirety of canterlot castle had been outfitted with massive amounts of steel plating and electrified barbed wire.
“Come at me, babies!” In the center of the courtyard leading up to the main hall, Princess Luna stood, although not in her usual regal regalia. She was wearing what appeared to be a belt that went across one of her shoulders and looped around her torso. Said belt had many slots on it, nearly all of which were filled. Also, using her magic, she seemed to be hefting around a black cylindrical device, with a white chamber attached to it. Said cylindrical device was currently rotating at a rapid rate.
Perhaps the strangest thing about all this was the massive hat that adorned her head. In actuality, it was not just one hat, but an entire cacophony of hats, all piled on top of each other. There were Stetsons, Bowlers, Fedoras, Berets, bearskin caps, Buckets, deerstalkers, fez’s, and a whole other bunch of hats. The strangest thing about it was the holographic image of the moon behind a blanket of gray clouds that circled around the tower of cloth.
“Where are tiny baby ponies? Too afraid to come face me?” Luna’s voice had somehow managed to change itself as well in the one week’s time since she had an encounter with the sandvich. It had grown slightly deeper and more guttural, with an accent matching that of someone from Stalliongrad, which resided in the Frozen North mountain range of Equestria.
A Pegasus came speeding through the gate, holding a baseball bat. Said Pegasus was also wearing a strange hat of some sort, as well as a headset, with a red piece of tape stuck to it. The Pegasus dodged left and right, avoiding Luna’s barrel direction and trying to confuse her. It worked, and he was able to get in a clear shot with the bat he held. Unfortunately, this was a bit to close, and Luna managed to get in a hoof punch to the pegasus’s face, which sent him back a couple of meters. She proceeded to pick up her cylindrical device again and try getting it to spin. This gave enough time for the Pegasus to get into the air once more and try to retreat. This was not fast enough, though. She shot him down, and a red liquid started to spread along the grass. The pegasus’s body laid completely still on the ground, with no signs of getting up.
“Pff. Tiny scout won’t save you! Send in real ponies to fight me!”
On the other side of the castle walls, castle guards were milling around in tents, patrolling the borders of the castle, and training with their equipment. One specific group, which rested high upon a tower, gazed down at the courtyard through a pair of binoculars.
“Damn… She took out another one…” A deep voice groaned out.
“Hey, don’t worry about it. At least whatever she is doing just knocks them out…” He grabbed the binoculars from his cohort. “Wow. She certainly is very handy with that gun. How did she even make that?”
A pony behind him sighed. “Ve told you, captain. Ve have no idea how any of zis has happened… and Celestia ran off to go
contact your sister before she could fill us in on ze details. All ve know is that it has something to do vith ze sandvich she keeps on her.”
Right on cue, the captain managed to spot Luna take out the said sandvich and take a bite out of it, before putting it away.
“Right… the sandwich…”
“Is sandvich!” Luna had managed to hear them somehow and had yelled the phrase loud enough to leave a ringing in his ears.
“Okay! Okay! Sandvich then…” He smiled humorously, trying to break some tension in this very serious matter. “So, any luck on that barrier?”
“None. It is very intricate… very much like yours, captain. It only lets ponies that do or vear certain things in, vich is strange. So far, ve have found vearing a hat, along vith a headset and baseball bat vill let a pegasus in. Also, any unicorn holding a knife and wearing a hat are let in. Oh, and ve have managed to send in zome medical staff, but only vones who vear hats…”
The captain chewed on this for a bit. “Well, most of that I already knew…” He looked back down at the courtyard. “Wait, didn’t the groundskeeper manage to get in as well?”
The pony from which he had grabbed the binoculars from had decided to answer. “Yes, he did. He had a gardening shovel, and, unsurprisingly, a hat.”
“Hats hats hats… What is it with Luna and hats?” He pondered this question, but the universe would never tell him the answer, because at that moment, Celestia teleported in, along with six other ponies.
“Hello, my little ponies. It is good to see you once more.” Before the captain could answer to the statement, he was smothered in a hug.
“BBBFF!” Of course, this voice belonged to one twilight sparkle.
“Woah, woah, hold it twily, I’m still on the job! Stop embarrassing me!” Of course, he still returned the hug. “Okay, okay, that’s enough… I still have a job to do.”
“Right… right… So, tell us everything! The princess said you would debrief us on the situation…” She shuffled a bit in place. “She did send you a message we were coming, right?”
He nodded his head before speaking. “Well, as you experienced first-hand, the princess has not been… herself lately. She has been speaking, acting, and thinking very differently from usual. The cause is what we believe to be this.”
He nodded to one of his associates and he pulled out a picture and laid it out on a table that was behind both parties. “This is known as the Sandvich.”
“Hey! We saw Luna use that when-“ A pink maned pony spoke up upon seeing the picture.
“Quiet pinks. Let’s get through this first before you talk.” A blonde maned pony spoke up next to her.
“Righteo, Jackie!”
The captain cleared his throat. “We do not have much information on it, other that it seems to be the cause of whatever happened to Luna, and seems to be able to regenerate itself over a short amount of time, estimated at around 30 seconds.”
“But Shining, how-“ Twilight spoke up at this curious piece of information.
“Twily, I understand that you want to ask questions, but please wait until the end, okay?” Twilight nodded and he continued.
“Now, moving on to our second item…”
One of his comrades pulled out a diagram this time and laid it out smooth against the table. It showed Luna’s cylindrical weapon, except pulled apart. “This has been designated as the mini-gun. Do not ask me why it is called that, as we have no idea. Our initial estimates were that it weighed one-hundred fifty kilogram custom tooled paintball cartridges at ten-thousand rounds a minute. If Luna was not making these herself, it would cost four hundred thousand bits to fire that weapon for twelve seconds.”
The audience gasped. “Of course, those were our initial estimates. Now we estimate it to be around six-hundred a minute. Now, this information is important in conveying one message. Although it is designed to stun, it will still hurt. You girls got that?”
The girls nodded in unison. “I think we got that last time… my wings still hurt from when I tried to rush her…” Rainbow dash rubbed her left wing at that thought, which was dyed a bright red color.
“Good. Now, there is an upside to this. Two, in fact. One: it has a bit of a delay upon starting up. We estimate around one second to actually get it to fire. Two: Let Luna come to you. We have found that she is, in fact, very slow, most likely from slight magical exhaustion from making the rounds for the mini-gun, hefting the weapon around, still raising the moon, and keeping up that barrier.”
He nodded once more, and an array of photos of different ponies was shown. “The barrier. It is actually like my barrier, in that it lets a select group in while keeping others out. These ponies have managed to make it in, somehow.”
They all took a look at the line of photos on the table. Two were royal guards, one of which was wearing a red hat, a headset, and holding a baseball bat in his teeth. The other was simply a unicorn medic, wearing a surgeon’s cap. Another showed the groundskeeper, holding his shovel. Lastly, there was a picture of a distressed chef with his chef hat on and a knife held in the air using magic.
Although it was faint, Shining Armor could see a faint hint of recognition on Celestia’s face upon seeing the photos.
“They are all wearing hats…” Rarity said to herself. “And they all have some shade of red on them…”
“Astute observation, Rarity. We noticed that as well, although not quite as quick as you did. These ponies were able to make it in, and past the barrier. This here”, He put a hoof on the left most picture. “Is one of our royal guards who somehow managed to get in. He wore a hat to keep the sun out of his eyes and a headset to keep in contact with us. We had no formal equipment, seeing as all out supplies are in the castle, but we rummaged up a baseball bat for him to use. While none of the others managed to get in, he got in just fine. The surprise of making it through made him hesitate, and he was taken out instantly.”
He moved onto the next photo. “We decided to equip our pegasi with the same load out and rush her, but it seemed to make no difference, and bodies started to pile up. We decided to send some medics in, hoping they could perhaps enter. Only the one wearing the surgeon cap made it through.”
He pushed the previous photos along so that the others had a better view and pulled the next two forward. “This is Canterlot castle’s official groundskeeper. Apparently he had no idea of what was going on and walked in to go get the rest of his tools and start work for the day. He was carrying a shovel, and wearing a bucket hat when he entered.”
He moved on to the last photo. “And finally, we have a chef from the castle’s kitchen. He was very distraught over the loss of his cutting board and ventured in to retrieve it. He made it in and out using an invisibility spell to cover for himself. He was carrying his knife, and of course, wearing a hat.”
Once the pictures had been passed around and thoroughly scrutinized by the gaggle of ponies, he started to speak once more. “Now, I set up a barrier to keep Luna in, although she doesn’t seem to want to leave. Some other information about Luna’s barrier is that only certain spells seem to work. Close range levitation, healing spells, physical improvement spells, invisibility spells, illusions, and close range incendiary spells are the only things that work while in there.”
“Wait, so magical barriers won’t work while we are in there?” Twilight asked her brother.
“Sorry twily, but nope. Only those.” He turned to face the rest of the crowd. “Well, I have nothing else to say. Any questions?”
The group stayed quiet. Shining Armor assumed that they probably needed some time to take this all in before any preparations were made.
“So, other than you six, who I already have several statements from, Celestia, do you have any information to give us? I mean, you were the only one to be in close contact with your sister for the past week. If you could supply us with any information at all, it would help.”
Celestia closed her eyes and breathed out. “Well, if you want me to start from the beginning, then I want everypony to take a seat, because this will take a while.”
“Oh! Oh! Flashback sequence! I love flashback sequences!” Pinkie yelled in delight.
Ignoring Pinkie, Celestia thought back to one week ago. “Well, I suppose I will have to go back to directly after lunch …”
One week ago
“Oh hello Luna! What have you got there?” Celestia had been in a meeting with several of the Canterlot elites, and had decided to drop in on her sister in hopes of sharing lunch. However, it seemed that she had already finished her lunch, and was just about to leave. She seemed to be levitating something behind her back though. “What do you have there, Luna?”
“Tis is none of your concern, sister. We simply wish to study an interesting delicacy we have found in this new world.”
Celestia smiled. She understood that a thousand years was an incredibly large gap in history, and trying to understand it in only the one year she had been here was nigh impossible. “Well, do not let me interfere with your studies. Carry on.”
Luna trotted back to her room, and Celestia carried on, none the wiser of the power of the Sandvich.
Day 2
Aliicorns did not need sleep. Their magic allowed them to carry on without mortal needs. However, sleep was incredibly
refreshing, and Luna liked sleeping. However, when Celestia went to see her in the morning to lower the moon and raise the sun, she was as pail as a sheet.
“Luna! Luna! What happened?!” She rushed over to her sister’s side and helped her move around.
“H-horrible… nightmare…” Celestia was shocked. A nightmare? What could it mean?
“What was it about? Could you tell me?” Luna seemed to calm down in her sister’s embrace, and she started to talk.
“Well, tis was a good dream, o-originally. We were very, very big! We towered over ponies! And we had… what do thy call it? A gun? Yes, a gun, but it was much bigger and heavier, and it spun like a top! So, these… alien creatures came. All bipedal! We took the gun and fired at them. It did not kill them, though. No, it turned them all into tiny foals!” She giggled slightly. “Then, ye will not believe it sister, it began to rain hats! Hats we say! So many hats! We were overjoyed!”
Celestia was slightly disturbed by this dream. Guns? Babies? Hats? Perhaps her sister needed a psychiatrist? She continued to listen, though.
Her sister’s voice became hushed, and she shuddered slightly. “But then… it all ended. One of the bipedals shot us… he wore shades and had a very long gun, and spoke in an accent… and we became a baby. The hats disappeared. The hat we were wearing was taken by him, and all the bipedals we had turned to babies grew and started to call us babies… Sister, tis’ was a horrible experience!”
Celestia did not know what to think of this new development. For all her time on the planet, she was stumped at what to do. She had an idea that might calm her down a bit, though.
“Luna, how about trying to draw those creatures from your dreams? You were always the more artistic one, and you certainly get very relaxed while drawing…” It was true. Luna was extremely artistic. Some of her paintings from before banishment sell for millions of bits today, and that was for her early work.
“I suppose that it would not hurt to return to our favorite hobby once more… let us go then, sister.”
And so they went to paint.
Well… these are quite remarkable creatures…” She looked at the paintings that luna had made. There were nine of them, all very different from each other. There were a few things that were the same, however. One, they were all wearing red. Two, they all had some sort of weapon. Three, they were all wearing hats.
She looked at the largest of them. An imposing figure with a large gun (or so she assumed), and a hat that looked like it was from Stalliongrad in the frozen north. “What is this?”
Luna looked up at the painting. “we believe we were this bipedal. The gun is one thing I remember most prominently. I believe he is called heavy.”
Celestia moved onto the next one. This one was fashionably dressed, unlike the others, and was smoking a cigarette. He was also wearing a fedora. “And this one?”
Luna shuddered. “We do not know why, but this one… we do not like him. He is a trickster… a spy… let us not talk about him…”
There was one without a weapon, and instead held a wrench and wore a builder’s helmet. “What about him?”
“Him? A builder… an engineer of machines…. He is good for defense, and talks like those in the apple family…”
And so this process continued, until they finally finished.
“A pyro, a scout, a spy, a heavy, an engineer, a demoman, a soldier, a medic, and a sniper make up the team?”
She nodded her head. “Yes. They make up team fortress.”
“Do you feel better now, Luna?”
“Yes… Yes I do… thank you, sister.” And then they left, feeling much better.
Day 3
Celestia had not seen Luna at all today. It was strange, since they would usually come across each other at least once. Celestia decided that she should go check up on her, just to make sure she was okay.
She trotted down the white marble isles with a bit of dread. Yesterday, her sister had seemed a little shaken. What if today she was worse?
She made it up to Luna’s room at the top of the north spire. It was always dark up here, so she used a small portion of her magic to light up the room. What she found was slightly startling. There were pictures of those same nine creatures all over the place. There were little scribbles on the wall, such as “Doctor is great!” and “Spies are everywhere…”. On one table was a bunch of random bits of metal, along with a small bead filled with red liquid. The creepiest thing about the room was a small shrine in the corner. There were little bits and trinkets scattered around a fridge, which had jewels encrusted in it. Takeing a leap of faith, she decided to open it.
Inside, she found a single rotating plate. On said plate was a sandwich.
She closed the fridge and decided to go and find her sister to talk to her about all of this. Except, she did not need to, seeing as she had been hiding in a corner of the room. Luna stepped out to greet her sister.
“I see you have found Sandvich, comrade! Is she not beautiful?” Celestia whirled around to face her sister. She had a smile on her face, and was looking directly at her. “You see? Comrade sandvich deserves only the best refrigeration available!”
Celestia heard something a bit off. Usually, Luna talked in her ye olde tongue, but that seemed to have been log forgotten. Now she spoke normally, except with the barest hint of another accent slipping in when she said sandwich and comrade.
“You mean the sandwich in the fridge?” Luna looked appalled.
“Is Sandvich! Not sandwich!” She looked towards the rest of the room. “The dreams still come, but they are not scary anymore. No, I get new information. Is great!”
Celestia decided that it was time to go. “Well…Luna…I think it is time I left…I will leave you to your own devices… goodbye…”
And so Celestia decided it was time to get out of the room, and continue in her usual duties.
Day 4
Gunfire. That was not supposed to be a sound to be heard in the castle.
Celestia rushed down from her morning breakfast to the main hall to see the sight of Luna levitating around the gun from her
dreams and firing it on her royal guards.
“Everypony is spy! All will fall under the might of Luna!” Celestia quickly rushed to her nearest guard and checked the pulse.
The guard seemed to be completely fine, other than the fact that he was paralyzed.
“Luna, what are you doing?!” Celestia was utterly confused at her sister’s behavior. She would never do this… never…
“Everypony is spy, comrade! They want to take sandvich away from me! I cannot let them!” Her accent had grown thicker, going even deeper into the Stalliongrad of the Frozen North.
“Listen, Luna, nopony is trying to take away your sandvich-“
Luna cut her off. “Nyet! I see guard in my room! He trying to steal sandvich!”
“Luna, he was probably reporting in, just like he does every night-“
“Nyet! I know he trying to steal sandvich! Is part of plot to take sandvich away from me!”
Celestia sighed. “Luna, I promise you that nopony will take your sandvich. I am your sister, remember?”
Luna seemed to think this over. “But… spy…”
“There is no spy, Luna. There never was.”
Luna opened her mouth and then closed it. Then, a light bulb went off in her head. “There is always spy! Only spy say there is no spy! Sister is spy!”
Luna lifted up the mini-gun and aimed it in Celestia’s general direction. “Traitor!”
Celestis reacted just in time to teleport away to the hall outside the main room. She knew something was up, but she could not quiet place it. She did know what may have caused it though, and that was the sandvich that Luna kept in her special fridge.
She teleported to just outside Luna’s room and entered through the doorway. She made a mad dash for the fridge and opened it, to find no sandvich.
“Is this vat you are looking for, puny spy?” Luna had teleported in right behind her, and magically lifted the sacred snack. “Is too late for you.”
Luna fired up the mini-gun and shot Celestia at point blank range. “Yahahahahaha!
“And that is all I know.” Celestia finished up her part of the story.
Applejack spoke up. “So yer sayin this sandvich is what cause Luna to go… well… Loony?”
“And that she is basing her barrier off this ‘team fortress’ she keeps dreaming about?” Rainbow Dash added.
“And this ‘team fortress’ is obsessed with hats…” Twilight concluded.
“So it seems, my little ponies… so it seems…” Celestia turned her gaze to the floor.
Twilight asked another question. “So when we went in the castle to rescue you yesterday, that is why the elements of harmony didn’t work?”
“Wait, wait, the elements didn’t work? What happened during your little rescue attempt, twily?” Shining asked.
“well, it wasn’t much. We kind of just rushed in, blasted her with the elements, and when that didn’t work, rainbow dash rushed her. She got shot down and Fluttershy went to help, but she was knocked out as well. AJ started to buck anything she could find in her direction while Rarity went to go find Princess Celestia. Pinkie zoomed around trying to distract her, but managed to knock herself out. AJ ran out of things to buck, so Luna got her as well. Celestia managed to teleport down just in time to teleport us out of there so we could rest and regroup.” Twilight put her head on the desk.
“Vell, ve know how she thinks, and ve know that it iz because of ze sandvich that she vent loony, so vhy not launch another assault?”
The rest of the group nodded.
“Alright, who is going to be what class in this rush?” Shining proposed the question to the rest of thre group.
“Class? What do you mean class?” Rainbow Dash, who had been messing around with the grime on the walls, decided to ask the question.
“Well, I suppose the proper question is which one of the classes Celestia mentioned do you want to dress up as?”
“Oh! Oh! Costumes! I love costumes! Especially costume parties!” Pinkie jumped up and down in place.
“Well, get suited up, then! The quicker we move out, the better!”
And so they enacted plan divide and conquer.
“Alright, girls. You ready?” Twilight lifted up the shades she wore, and pushed her hat up so that it didn’t push her sunglasses down any further. She used her magic to carry around an over-sized knife that was curved slightly.
“Right on!” Rainbow Dash was wearing a headset and a baseball cap, as well as carrying a baseball bat.
“U-umm.. yes..” Fluttershy wore doctor’s scrubs, and a sun hat. She also was holding a first aid kit on her wings.
“Yessire!” Applejack hadn’t changed her attire much, except now she was carrying a toolbox in a saddlebag.
“Yes darling.” Rarity had gone all out, even giving herself a stylish suit and a balaclava. She was wearing a cool fedora, which had a knife across the base of the hat.
“Mph hm!” Pinkie barrowed a fire suit from the fire department, and was holding what looked like a foam ax. She seemed to not be enjoying it fully though, as she couldn’t talk or get her point across. She was wearing a bowler on top of her head.
“Alright, let’s go!” they moved out from behind the wall and rushed in, quickly trying to find any cover they could.
Luna, who had been cleaning her mini-gun, had not been expecting this sudden rush. “Tiny baby ponies come in while I am busy! It does not matter though, I vill get you anyway!” She quickly lifted it up and aimed for the nearest pony, who just happened to be rainbow dash.
“I know how you work this time! You won’t catch me!” Rainbow started to perform random flight maneuvers that were concentrated in an area just above Luna. When she had the chance, she would use the baseball bat to hit her on the head. Occasionally, Luna would managed to punch her, but she took the damage.
“Hold still!” Luna shouted while waving the mini-gun in the air and swiping with her hooves.
Using the distraction, the rest of the mane six managed to find spots to hide in.
“Alright, I’m setting up! AJ called out. She opened her tool box and pulled out a heap of apples, along with a contraption of some sort. “Get ready!"
Applejack loaded the apples into the strange machine and it made a whirring noise before it started firing baseballs at Luna. “Knew the old baseball pitcher would come in handy one day!”
Luna changed her priority from rainbow dash to the machine that was launching apples at high velocities toward her face. Rainbow dash took this opportunity to rush back to fluttershy for some first aid, and Rarity took the chance to try and attack. She headed for torso and tried to introduce a sleeping concoction using a syringe while she was invisible. Unfortunately, Luna managed to spin her gun barrel around and hit rarity in the face, which took off the invisibility as well as knocking her out.
“You tried to hurt me? You are too tiny a baby to even learn how to walk, let alone face me!” And so Luna managed to take one down. She had also managed to take down Applejack’s baseball pitcher, although applejack was still okay.
Rainbow rushed in once more, fully healed. “Na na! Can’t touch me!” And began her previous method of flying around and hitting her on the head with a bat.
“Puny pony thinks she is match for me? I think not!” Luna looked carefully at where rainbow dash was flying before firing her mini-gun at where she estimated her designated flight pattern would take her. She was spot on. “Haha! Little little pony is no match for Luna!”
Pinkie, who had been hiding, decided to pop out at that moment and hit her with the foam ax. “Mph hmph!” She repeatedly hit her with it, and Luna had to cover her face or else face the full wrath of the foamy onslaught. Once Luna had judged the intervals at which they were coming from, though, she managed to put in a good left hook, and finish her off with the min-gun.
When she turned around to see if anypony else was around, though, she was met with the buck of a life time. AJ had managed to come up behind Luna and deliver a clean kick to the face. “How’d you like them apples?” That was all she got to do, however, as Luna had used her magic to levitate her mini-gun and use it to knock out AJ.
Luna was exhausted. She needed something to put her back in top shape, and she knew exactly how to do it. She pulled out the sandvich. This was exactly what twilight had been waiting for. She aimed at the sandvich, and used her magic to fling the knife like a javelin, straight through the sandvich and into the middle of the yard, far away from Luna. “Got it!”
Luna was already on her way to retrieve the sandvich, dropping everything she was holding in an effort to get it. “Comrade! Please, do not leave me!”
She reached the sandvich far before twilight did, and was about to free it from it’s knife-y prison, but was pushed out of the way by fluttershy. “No, you are not getting this back!” Unluckily for her, she accidentally tripped over a stone and managed to knock herself unconscious.
Luna was extremely tired at this point, and could barely move. She crawled toward the sandvich, but twilight was also close to getting it. Luna was mere inches away, lying on the floor, and Twilight was sprinting as hard as she could to reach the sandvich before Luna could.
Luna’s hoof was nearly at the point. Twilight was a few steps away from the sword that held it there. There was only silence in what could decide the fate of-
“SAXTON HAAALE!” A hole opened up in the sky and a bipedal man wearing only shorts, old fashion shoes, and a slouch hat jumped out. “Man, busting through the space-time continuum by just punching air sure is a good work out. Have to do this more often...”
The still conscious occupants of the courtyard stared at the alien newcomer. “Hello there, ponies. Names Saxton Hale. Don’t forget it. Now, it appears you have a mann co. product in your dimension. I’m here to take it back.”
Luna shook out of her stupor and glared at Hale. “No! Is mine!”
Saxon raised an eyebrow. “You took a bite, didn’t you? Well, when you have sandviches made with flakes of australium, which are 100% harmony proof, and heavy DNA, stuff happens. I know of only one way to fix this.” Saxon punched the air, which tore another hole in space-time, and he pulled out a hippie protest sign. He then proceeded to whack her on the head with it. “There. All better.”
Twilight was next to come out of her stupor. “Wait- wha? How? Huh?”
“Sorry, missy, those answers will have to come at another time.” He lifted the knife and picked up the sandvich. “SAXTON HAAALE! “ He jumped high into the air and came down, superman style. This opened up another hole in space-time, and both he and the sandvich were gone, along with the holes in space time. Also, Luna's gigantic hat got sucked along with him.
Three days later
“So it is agreed. We never speak of this again.”
All those involved in the incident were gathered in the hall leading up to the throne room. All nodded their heads in agreement.
“Great! Now let us resume our daily activities.” Celestia dismissed everypony from the room, leaving only herself and her sister.
“So, are you feeling better?”
Luna nodded her head. “If we had taken this to ye sooner, perhaps ye would have helped us in our… predicament…”
“Don’t worry Luna, you had no idea this would happen. Let us forget the past and move onward, like we always have.” Luna nodded in agreement.
“So, Tia, what hath thou prepared for lunch?”
Celestia put on her kindest smile. “Sanwiches.”
Luna’s smile flipped upside-down. “You dare mess with me? I squash you like bug!”
Celetia instantly grew worried. Was she having a relapse? How would they stop her this time? How far would she- Then she heard laughing.
Celestia turned to her laughing sister. “Yes yes, very funny. You are a great practical joker. Perhaps I should also assign you the title of court jester?”
“Tia! How rude!”
They both stared at each other before laughing.
And so normalcy returned to Equestria.
“Celestia! Luna! Giant killer wub robots of doom are attacking!”
Yes. Normalcy.
