Always There, Even When I'm Not.
It's another week down the drain as I climb into bed, forty hours of work taking its toll upon me once again. Not that the physical stress of my job is overwhelming, though work does have its days of backbreaking jobs.
No, it's the mental and emotional stress of the world around me that saps my strength and my vitality.
Every day is a never-ending saga of backstabbing, of gossip, of nonchalance dealing with the work at hand. Listening to the illness of the world today, as others revel in the games of chasing tail, despite already possessing a significant other. Listening to tales of angst, of jealousy, hatred. A dog-eat-dog world of climbing to the top of the ladder, even if it means sabotaging fellow coworkers, or even friends.
It's sickening.
I am far from a perfect person, but I do what I can to keep on the straight and narrow. Yet that goal, as well as following the golden rule of 'do unto others...' tends to force me into the status of an outcast. It's not a major blow for my psyche by any means, but it too takes a toll on my mind.
By the end of the week, I'm fed up with life outside my four walls. Reluctantly, I admit it's not the best train of thought to have. It's not the best strategy to seclude myself away.
But sometimes, it's the only thing that keeps me together.
There are days sleep is a haven for me, because it sweeps me away from troubling thoughts and dwelling upon the frustrations of the week.
It seems every Friday morning is that way as I come home.
Like today.
Sleep, take me away.
A slight jolt upon the bed rouses me from slumber in an instant, my heart instantly racing as my eyes snap open and I scan my surroundings. It takes but a mere second for me to find the culprit behind the surprise.
A familiar blue alicorn, her mane silently billowing as the rest of her freezes in place. Her captivating teal eyes lock upon mine, and her expression slowly shifts to one of regret.
"My apologies," she says, barely above a whisper.
"You're fine, you just startled me," I tell her. The mare shows the slightest hint of relief at my reassurance, her sheepish grin relaxing into a genuine thin smile as she tiptoes her way up the bed towards me. I flip away the light linen sheet laying atop me to ease her entry, and she all too eagerly obliges my beckoning call, laying down beside me. The slightest hints of lavender reach my senses as she scoots over into my waiting arms.
"Long day at the office, Luna?" I ask her. The lame joke nevertheless gets a slight chuckle from her as one of my hands inevitably begins stroking her silky mane.
"I suppose I am a bit late, aren't I?" she replies as I crane my neck to catch a view of my alarm clock on the table behind her. For whatever reason, the familiar red glowing digits are not there; not that it really matters.
"It's only too late when I gotta roll my lazy rear out of bed," I reassure her. Again, I hear the slightest chuckle come from her, even as her smile dissipates.
"Something tells me you were a bit early to bed," she says, the statement oddly ominous.
"The sun was out, it was time for bed," I tell her, brushing aside the thinly-veiled inquiry.
"Oh?" she quickly responds. Her brow raises ever so slightly as her eyes dance across my face, looking for the slightest crack at which to pry. She's way too good at reading me; I don't know why I still try.
"It's been a long week," I admit after a short hesitance. Luna's eyes close as she nods her head, her horn abruptly beginning to glow in the darkness. The blue aura seeps upward to the ceiling in my pitch-black room, as the black abyss begins to slightly lift and shift.
In mere moments, my room has melted away, replaced with a picturesque night sky, with only the occasional light cloud to catch the silvery light emanating from a brilliant crescent moon. Its light is not alone, as untold numbers of twinkling pinpricks of light make their presence known in the sea of deep blues and violets swirling away lazily.
"Is it really night time already, or did you create this whole scene?" I ask, awestruck by the view. I had never seen such a vibrant sky before, despite living in the countryside, away from big city lights. But Luna does not respond with words; instead, her serene smile returns as she snuggles up closer to me. I hug her closer to me, the warmth from her lithe body further relaxing the stress of the week from me.
"You know keeping all of that turmoil bottled up within you is detrimental, yet you continue to do so," she says after a short time.
"I know," I admit. Again silence wins out, Luna seemingly satisfied with the progress made thus far in her pursuit of the truth. Now, both of us just look up at her creation as each star tries its best to garner your acknowledgment amongst the populated sky.
"I just get so disillusioned with the world, Luna," I finally tell her. "It's the same crap every day. We live in this mess of people putting on a facade in order to gain an upper hand, willingly throwing others under the bus for personal gain. People going out of their way to harm others, whether it be emotional or physical. I just - I don't get it. I don't want to understand it, honestly."
Luna takes a deep breath, causing me to turn my head towards her. Her mane is draped over half of her face, but I can still see the hints of pain as she absorbs my minor outburst. "You just get overwhelmed by it all, you feel like that negativity is all that exists," she mumbles.
"I mean, is there anything else? I don't see it," I reply. Despite my pessimism, her face remains rather stoic, her eyes studying me as the gears in her mind turn.
"What will you do?"
"Huh?"
"What do you propose to fix these things you see that cause you pain?" she clarifies, shaking her head to free her vision of the starry mane drape upon her face. For a moment, the billowing movements swirl into a frenzy, before settling down.
"I don't think I can do anything."
"Exactly," she says, causing me to reel back in confusion.
"That - what do you mean by that?" I ask.
"You see these things, and you fret about the negativity that pervades. But can you force a change upon these misdeeds?"
"I think you know the answer to that."
"Indeed," Luna says calmly, pausing for a moment. "You know I have seen much in my time, I have seen various ills afflict those I watch over. Yet even I find myself helpless to rectify every problem that arises, despite the power and influence I wield."
Luna falls silent again as she turns her head, her gaze shifting back to the sky. I do the same, feeling unsure of what lies within her mind.
Suddenly, the sky is streaked by flashes of light, shimmering across the darkness at lightning speed. A meteor shower, the first I've ever seen in all my years. The wondrous sight is enough to take my breath away, as I feel Luna's hoof lightly pat my chest.
"I am not blind to the woes of the world, of the miscreants that spread their poison. I am well aware of the events that unfold, whether they be positive or negative; I cannot afford to ignore such things," she explains, her voice somewhat subdued as her eyes remain fixated on the show above. "It can get overwhelming at times, which is why I must also allow myself to see the good in the world, no matter how trivial, even if it is a light show cast upon my night. Everything exists in balance; to think otherwise is but the dream of a fool, even if such reality may be hard to bear at times. For every misdeed committed, so too must a good deed occur. For every moment of sorrow, an instance of joy."
"I don't see the good very often, Luna," I tell her, turning to face the mare. Her eyes close, a gentle hum radiating from within her chest.
"You do not see it because your focus remains upon the ills before you. Your mind has trained itself to seek out sorrow, to confirm your convictions. In essence, you've blinded yourself, albeit involuntarily." She pauses, her teal eyes emerging from the darkness as she turns her sight to you once again. "There is good out there, it is up to you to seek it out. You can create good to a limited degree, and perhaps in time, such actions will result in a slight shift around you. But you cannot change everything, nor can I."
"Basically, keep on keeping on is what you're telling me," I reply.
"I am saying it is inevitable to encounter darkness, it can not nor should not be ignored. But within that darkness, when you peer through it, you will see flashes of light. Those trivial items, whether they be events, or people, perhaps places, those should be your focus. To recognize their existence will bring the realization that the empty black abyss before you is not so foreboding after all."
Her words hang in the air as if caught in an endless echo, allowing me time to absorb them. Both of us lay in silence, returning our focus to the night sky, as well as each other's company. I pull her closer, embracing her as I caress one of her ears.
"I suppose you make a good case," I finally relent. She lets out a content sigh as she shifts position, placing her head upon my chest.
"Life is a rollercoaster. Just as I have been through the low points, I have experienced the greatest of highs. I feel it only fair I let my experiences teach others," she muses, smiling.
"Thanks," I tell her, letting my hand run its way down her neck. Inevitably, it finds its way to her luminous mane, lost in the expanse of incredible soft sensations.
"Your improved outlook is all the thanks I require," she replies. "But you are most welcome."
For a time, the meteor shower continues overhead. But like all night-time displays, it gradually fades away. Nevertheless, the scene that is left remains captivating.
"I feel this is something I need to do more," Luna says, breaking the silence. My attention turns to the beautiful mare as I look down at her. Again, those lovely eyes lock upon mine, her face locked in dreamy content.
"I'm certainly not opposed to it," I reply, giving her a reassuring squeeze as I put my other arm around her. "I suppose we should probably get some sleep though."
"Yes, you may be right, as much as I would prefer not to admit," she replies. However, her voice contains some hint of disappointment, much to my surprise.
"What is it?" I ask, concerned with her sudden shift in tone. But she only flashes me her widest smile yet, stifling a giggle.
"You know, I will always be here with you, even when I am not," she says. The cryptic message only further enhances my state of confusion. She senses it right away, closing her eyes with another sigh.
"Goodnight," she whispers.
Abruptly, I'm startled awake, the sudden blaring screech of an alarm unceremoniously interrupting my slumber. Without even looking, I reach over and slap the snooze button, putting the banshee to sleep for the moment and leaving me in silence.
Alone.
Evidently, I've been dreaming this whole time. The realization leaves me somewhat disheartened, enjoying the fantasy cuddled up with Luna.
Except my arms aren't empty.
Instead, I look down to find a familiar sight of my bed within my grasp. A Luna plush, one I've purchased fairly recently. The soft minky is heavenly to the touch and perfect for a comforting snuggle, though the little bundle of joy is put back atop a pillow beside me before I go to sleep, for fear of causing damage during a fitful sleep.
Overly cautious?
Perhaps.
Yet somehow, despite all recollection of putting her back to her normal spot, the miniature mare has found her way into my arms, surprisingly accurate to the dream I had just experienced.
'I will always be here with you, even when I'm not,' Luna's final words echo back to me. I give the little plush another gentle squeeze.
Thanks, Luna.
