The Gopnik

by PoisonSt

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Adventure, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 1413

A russian hired gun appears in Equestria. Hilarity issues

When life changes it's ways the only option is to adjust. I had those moments more than once in my life. And yet my destiny decides to throw even more problems at me. I only try to stay afloat. Survive. What do I recieve? Even more insecurity than before. This is a story of the most fatal turn of my life.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-14 08:04:01 UTC

Chapter 1: Migraines (Revision v0.1)

Chapter One

Migraines

Sentences in [ ] are in Russian

I woke up lying on wet cool cobble. My body was so cold that every muscle shook uncontrollably, sending jolts of pain through my nerves. I tried to get up but a huge migraine took it’s toll and so I stayed on the ground for another 10 minutes. I felt drizzle fall on my face, continuing to cool me down even more.

What happened last night?

I decided that it’s time for a second try and cracked open my eyes. What I saw made me want to go blind.

Overwhelming colors. Colors everywhere. So bright that it made my migraine worse. I leaned forward and let my face fall into my palms, trying to gather myself. I felt a warm liquid running down my arms and looked at them.

A crimson substance was all over my palms. Blood. There is a cut on my forehead. I need to find a bondage and some medical alcohol for disinfection. Well, I hope I wont get another scar on my face.

I pulled myself into a standing position. My body felt like it was hit by a sledgehammer non-stop for the whole night. A quick glance around made me question my sanity. Everything looked like it was from some sort of cartoon. Everything was two-dimensional, colored by unnaturally bright colors that made me want to rip my eyes out of their respective sockets.

Getting all confused won’t help you now. I need to find someone and find out where the hell am I.

And so I started too look for someone to ask questions, but at no avail. The streets of this cartoony town were empty and only wind made barely audible whistling sounds. All doors were closed and windows were covered with curtains.

What the hell is going on here?

I walked to a random house and knocked on the window’s glass making it shake and nearly shatter from the second hit.

[Anyone home?] I yelled into the darkness inside and recieved a reply in form of scared yelps.

[Now I know you are in there! Open up, its not like I am going to hurt you without a reason. And you give me a reason by keeping the door closed!]

I heard quiet footsteps inside and pressed my ear against the cold glass. A few seconds of relative silence, with sounds of water dripping from the roof of the building, passed and I heard faint whispers on the other side of the window.

“What did it say?” I heard a scared female voice.

Great! They are English! How did I manage to end up somewhere in English-speaking region?

I tried to recall what I learned from 6 years of school, until I stopped going there completely. And damn was it hard to recall such things.

Gathering all my thoughts I combined them in the most intelligent phrase I could master.

“Open. I good. Help.”

Well at least something for starters. Right after the sentence was sent flying in the cold air I heard gasps of shock.

“It knows Equestrian!” Another female voice stated the fact.

What is Equestrian?

“I lost. Help I.” I said again trying to come up with a more efficient phrase to reason with them.

I was waiting for an open door or at least a reply from the inside but nothing happened. Only wind, chilling me to the bone, was beside me, faintly whistling it’s mysterious melody.

Well, lets try it the hard way.

And with that thought in mind I made up another genius sentence.

“I break window.” I said louder than before to make sure that people inside heard it.

When there was no feedback from my actions I started a countdown.

“Ten...nine...uh...[What was there...]...Ah! Eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two...on~”

And then happened exactly what I had in mind. The door flew open, squeaking on it’s hinges that seemed like they weren’t oiled for eternity. I turned my head to see who opened the door and froze in place. I double checked if I wasn’t sleeping. Then a sudden thought hit me: I finally lost my mind and was hallucinating. In front of me was a small, colorful freaking horse. It had coat of dark chocolate color and it’s mane was slightly brighter. The expression on the muzzle resembled human face and it had what I assumed was an expression of fear. All of above was fine. The weirdest thing were it’s eyes. They were so damn huge! I am still amazed how are they held in place without spilling out of their sockets. I pushed my confusion aside and dragged my already numb legs to the door, pushed the horse out of my way and looked inside the room. I saw another horse but no people. This quadruped was (luckily for my migraine) not so colorful. It had silver coat and dark blue mane.

I guess whoever was inside is now hiding.

“Where you?” I yelled while scanning the room for movement.

What I heard next brought me to another level of confusion. Someone cleared the throat behind me.

I turned around but didn’t see anything other than the chocolate horse staring at me with questioning look on it’s muzzle.

“Who is it?” I sent the question into now warm air of the room.

“Who else could it be?” answered the horse.

... That explains my brain activity when I heard that.

I was paralyzed. Too much weird stuff was happening at the moment. I slowly sat down on the floor and placed he face in my palms again. The blood it seems was already cooked and that was at least something, but it didn’t change the fact.

[So I am finally insane! When did that happen?] My voice was muffled by my still cold hands that were covering my mouth as well as the rest of my face.

“What was it?” asked the chocolate horse.

I almost forgot about the gray one that were standing in the opposite end of the room, untill she looked at me more closely.

“Oh my! Poor thing is bleeding! Bring the bandages, dear.” said the gray horse, in what seemed like a motherly tone.

It seems that I reopened the wound. Well, it doesnt matter. Not now at least.

The... Chocolate, yes, thats how I am going to call her, went to another room with a groan.

But from everything they said I understood only words “What”, “was”, “it”, “my” thing “thing”. But by the tone of the second horse... well after a close look they don’t look like horses. What should I call them... Eh, lets stick to people, since they can actually speak.

I sat there, on an old rug, trying to comprehend the situation, when Chocolate returned with a first aid kit which she carried in her mouth. But only when I thought I saw everything it levitated out of her grasp!

I in direction of the kit's flight and it was... Silver, another nickname, yes, but I should call them somehow, right? Only at this moment I noticed that Silver had a horn. So that made her a unicorn I guess. She opened the kit and pulled out a bottle of with a red cross painted on the matte glass and a roll of bandages.

“Stay calm dear, it will sting for a bit” she said as I felt my body grow heavier.

That was when I understood how tired I was. My body felt like it was made of lead and covered with ice. My eyelids were closing. I tried to resist but every attempt made me even more exhausted.

I fell asleep.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

===========================================================================================

"Mom, what do you think is this thing?" asked the Chocolate River, the local chocolatier.

The pony's questioning eyes were looking at he gray pony that was treating the weird creature, as if blue-maned pony knew the answer.

"I don't know, dear, but this creature needed our help and I just couldn't leave it like that. When it is fully recovered we will contact authorities, okay?" asked Silver Trade.

"Maybe we can hold it a little. I want to know more about this thing." said Chocolate

The first fic I had balls to post here. Constructive criticism wanted as in all stories.

Thank you for reading this piece of trash.

Edit v0.1

I definately should stop writing at 3 a.m.

~PoisonSt..