My Little Pony: Friendship is Mandatory

by LoneSurvivor

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Profanity, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 15167

An alternate universe of your favorite show. A universe where friendship isn't magic. It's mandatory.

Everyone knows the story of Twilight Sparkle, her friends and how every week they learn that friendship is magic. However, there is a universe much like their own. A universe where the heroines of Equestria aren't as friendly towards each other as one might think. A universe that may or may not poke fun at the one people is more familiar with. A universe where friendship isn't magic. It's mandatory.

(Just to make it clear, this is another parody of the popular show you know and love. Also, there's going to be alcohol use in future chapters. Didn't think that counted as narcotics which is why I didn't add it in with the warnings.)

Published 2019-09-03 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-17 01:32:11 UTC

Prolouge

All the ponies of Canterlot stood in wait from below their princess’ balcony. They waited with bated breath, expecting her royal majesty to finally grace them all with her presence. Finally, Princess Celestia herself stood out before them and addressed her citizens with her widest of smiles.

“Good morning ponies of Canterlot!” she called out with her royal voice. In response, her subjects bowed down to her out of gratitude and respect.

“You may rise,” Princess Celestia said to her subjects, “I just want you to know that today, like every other day, is going to be amazing and full of surprises. And it is not I who will make that happen, but all of you. For it is your acts of kindness and love for Equestria that makes every day so spectacular.”

“We love you Princess!” shouted a random pony.

“And I love you too my ever so loyal subject,” Celestia said with sincerity, “Now go out, and love others almost as much as you love me!”

The ponies all cheered happily for their princess, as she walked back into her castle with her signature wide smile. Once inside, and one hundred percent sure that nopony could see her, Celestia’s smile dropped back down to an annoyed scowl as she started massaging her mouth.

“Frickin’ mouth breathers,” she grumbled to herself. Just then her assistant Raven Inkwell trotted up to her.

“Nicely done your majesty. As usual, your speech has caused your subject’s enthusiasm to shoot through the roof.”

“Uh uh. Sure. Great. Quick question though,” Celestia than bent down so she could be eye level with her assistant, “Do I really have to smile every single minute of every day? Because I swear to me that it feels like my jaw is going to fall off nearly every second.”

“I’m very sorry Princess, but research doesn’t lie,” Raven teleported a folder between them and then pulled out the papers within, “Studies show that when ponies see that you look happy, they will feel happy. Whereas if they see you frown, they’ll feel as though they’ve done something wrong and will go into a panic just to find out what has upset their gracious ruler.”

“Yeah yeah, I remember the frown of ‘09” Celestia stated with an eye roll, “I just don’t understand why I have to smile as wide as possible.”

“Oh, I never told you to do that part,” Raven told her as she teleported the research away, “All I told you was that you needed to smile for your subjects, not how wide that smile should be. Just a simple grin should probably do equally as much help as a wide toothy smile would.”

Celestia just stared at her assistant with a look of shock and frustration.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t fire you right now,” she asked while gritting her teeth.

“Because without me you would have to plan out your schedule all by yourself,” Raven simply stated. As expected, Celestia just sighed exasperatedly when the realization hit her.

“Can’t argue with that,” she said reluctantly, “Speaking of, what’s next on the agenda?”

Later in the day, Princess Celestia was doing what she did best: Smiling like an idiot while listening to an annoying dignitary complain about all the first world problems bothering him. The annoyance of the day was an old griffon who was rambling on and on about how much his town was depleted of almost all natural resources. As she did this though, a thought came to her: Would a war between griffons and ponies be so bad? The entire griffon population is currently condensed in a small town with the look and feel of a third world country. A whole town, which is something that is meant to be small and manageable, is practically a third world country! So even if Celestia refuses whatever compromise this catbird is looking for, what can his fellow griffons do to stop the pony who raises the fricken’ sun!

’Although, that sounds like it will take a lot of work to go through…’ Celestia thought to herself ’Eh. It’s probably for the best that I keep listening.’

“And that is why you should at least give us some rations to live,” the old griffon said, “Or, I’m sorry, is the all-powerful sunbutt too greedy to share?”

’War it is’

“I’m so sorry sir,” Celestia said through a forced smile, “but I’m afraid that we can’t afford to give you any more rations than we already do.”

“You don’t give us any!”

“And that just means we barely have enough to scrape by.”

“I just saw a statue of you made out of gold in the main courtyard,” the griffon yelled with outrage, “Just a small fragment of that should be more than enough to help my fellow griffons!”

“Funnily enough, that’s not actual gold,” Celestia said as she clapped her hoofs signaling the royal guard, “It’s just stone painted to look like gold. I hope you’ll understand. And please accept the apology gift basket as you’re dragged out against your will.”

“As I’m what now?” Just then, the two guards grabbed him by the forelegs as a third guard hands him a gift basket.

“We’re very sorry and we hope you have a nice day,” he said sincerely.

“This isn’t over princess!” The griffon shouted as he was being dragged out the door “I swear my griffons will get what we so righteously deserve! Or my name isn’t GRANDPA GRUFF!”

“Forgetting you already!” Celestia said chipperly once Grandpa Gruff was out the door.

“You know, that wasn’t necessary,” Raven said, who stood and watched the whole thing, “We have more than enough rations to-”

“Yeah, but the prick called me ‘Sunbutt,’ so I don’t care,” Celestia said simply, “What’s next on the ol’ to-do list.”

“Well…” Raven then teleported Princess Celestia’s to-do list in front of them, “The mayor of Ponyville will be coming to see you in an hour. She wishes to tell you the benefits of democracy and you will have to explain to her why that’s both stupid and pointless. After that, the head of the Canterlot party committee wishes to speak with you.”

“What for?”

“Not much. He just wants to know where you wish the Summer Sun Celebration should be held this year.”

“Easy. Just tell the mayor of Ponytown-or whatever it’s called-that her town can host the Summer Sun Celebration. The pleasure of hosting an event like that should make her forget all about democracy.”

“What if she refuses?”

“Then spin a globe, stop it at a random point, and wherever it lands is where we’ll set up,” Celestia ordered with annoyance, “Sweet me, how is this so hard to figure out?”

“Princess, with all due respect, I think you should have a better plan for this year,” Raven warned, “After all, this isn’t just any regular party. This is the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration. An event like that needs a better location than-”

“Hold on a sec,” Celestia interrupted with a sense of alertness, “Did you say this is the thousandth time we’ve done this stupid holiday?”

“Yes, princess.”

“As in it’s been a thousand years since the very first time we’ve done it?”

“...Yes?”

Celestia groaned as she slumped back down in her throne.

“Damn it,” she said, “That means the spell is going to wear off.”

“What spell?” Raven asked, a hint of fear propping up. Celestia noticed this, but just as quickly shrugged it off once she realized the problem.

“That’s right, you all think it’s just a stupid fairytale,” Celestia said nonchalantly, “Short version: My sister Luna was being a whiny brat, so I banished her to the moon for a thousand years hoping she would cool off by then. Hence why the moon looks like it has a mare on it. It wasn’t until right after did I consider she would be even more pissed off once the spell wore off. I could’ve fixed it, but the damage was already done. And-you know-hindsight. 20/20. You get the gist of it.”

“And you’re saying there’s a chance the spell is going to wear off tomorrow during the celebration?”

“No, there isn’t a chance that the spell is going to wear off,” Celestia said with her boredom showing.

“Oh, good,” Raven sighed with relief, “For a second there I thought we were doomed.”

“Oh no, we are doomed because the spell is absolutely going to wear off tomorrow.”

“WHAT?!”

“You see, you said there was a chance that the spell will wear off,” Celestia explained, “That only implies that there’s also a chance that it won’t wear off.”

“...”

“...What? Good grammar is important. Otherwise, our society will divulge into idiots who use weird symbols to communicate with each other. And trust me, I’ve seen a dimension that has that. And it. Is. Weird.”

“I’m ignoring that last part because there’s already too much crazy for me to take in at the moment,” Raven said as she began rubbing her temples, “Ok. You said that you used a spell to banish Luna the first time. Can’t you just use the same spell again?”

“I wish I could,” Celestia shrugged, “But I had to use these things called the Elements of Harmony to do it. They were pretty cool by the way. Any problem you had and they could just take care of it in an instant. The problem is that because I used them for a reason that wasn’t harmonious, they won’t work for me anymore.”

“So there’s no way to stop your sister?”

“There probably is, but that would take so much hard work just to fix it,” Celestia groaned as she leaned back further in her throne. Raven, on the other hoof, looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack.

“Are. You. SERIOUS?!”

“I know, I wish there was a simple solution too,” Celestia said as she sat up in thought, “If only there was a way for me to take care of this problem without me having to do all of the work.”

Just then, a puff of smoke made its way to Celestia, as a parchment magically appeared before her. Celestia once again groaned out of annoyance the second she knew what this meant.

“Hang on for a second,” Celestia told a hysterical Raven, “I gotta read this report from my student.”

Years ago, Princess Celestia took in a small unicorn named Twilight Sparkle, who gave out a magical burst of energy during an entrance exam to her school. The princess said she would take Twilight in as a personal protege because she seemed like a promising student. The truth was that Celestia didn’t want to deal with a powerful dictator who would want revenge because Celestia had forbidden her entrance. Or something like that. She didn’t know nor cared to think up any other possibility. Especially since something like that happened once before. Regardless, she thought this was the perfect responsibility dodge...until Celestia got to know the little unicorn.

Turns out Twilight was excited to be the protege of the princess. A little too excited, to say the least. Every day she sent Celestia report after report about all the little things Twilight did in a day and what she learned from it. Go figure that in an attempt to avoid responsibility, Celestia was only given more of it. But it’s not like she could say no to her student. As annoying as Twilight was, she was also practically a puppy dog. Saying no to her was the equivalent to kicking a puppy. And Celestia ain’t no kicker of puppies.

So she read the reports and would always write back about how ‘interesting’ Twilight’s findings were. After all, they were like pulling out a cavity. Excruciatingly painful for a couple of minutes, but the pain would eventually numb after a couple of hours. Which is why Celestia grabbed her metaphorical pliers as she unrolled the parchment.

Dear Princess Celestia

Today, I read a very interesting book involving these two sisters and how the nice one banished the evil one to the moon. It wasn’t until I was finished did I went “Oh wait, this is just the story of Luna’s banishment told as if it's a little filly story!” You remember Luna right? What am I saying, of course, you do! You’ve told me many times about how sending Luna to the moon was one of the hardest things you’ve had to do in your life (Emotionally speaking of course). It’s not like you would forget about it a thousand years later.

Which reminds me, the reason why I’m writing to you (read: Spike is transcribing to you) is that I remembered tomorrow will be a thousand years since you’ve banished Luna. I’m just curious what your plan is. Not to suggest that you don’t have a plan, because of course, you have one. You’re Princess Celestia. The greatest pony who has ever lived. Obviously, you have prepared for this event years in advance.

I’m just curious if there’s any way that I can help. After all, ever since you’ve taken me in I’ve always prioritized being your student over anything else. Just earlier today my old classmates asked if I was coming to Moondancer’s party. Sure it sounded fun. Sure I liked hanging out with those ponies. And sure, I’ve never ever EVER been invited to a party before. But I still said no, because what would happen if you needed me? I couldn’t risk letting you down just because I wanted to hang out with some friends. Even if I really really REALLY wanted to.

Anyways, Spike is asking me to wrap this up, so I’m just going to remind you that I’ll be in my library researching everything I can about your sister’s banishment. Just in case you’ll need me. And if you don’t, then I hope that you’ll have a lovely time reuniting with your sister. I’m sure she has a LOT to say to you after a thousand years (all good things of course).

OH! And before I forget: Today I learned that having a good social life isn’t as important as being your pupil

Love From,

Twilight. Sparkle.

Your favorite student/most loyal subject/bestest friend/possible surrogate daughter figure :)

Once Celestia had finished reading the report, a great idea had just come to her. An idea that made her realize that Twilight might just be useful yet.

“Don't crumble into a panic yet Inkwell,” Celestia said as she teleported a parchment and ink to her side, “I might just know somepony who can solve all of our problems.”

’To my faithful student Twilight’ she wrote, 'Pack your bags because I have a very special mission for you…'

Author's Note

If you have any notes on how I could improve my writing, just let me know. Doing so will only make this story better as it goes on.

Twilight Makes New Friends!

During the chariot flight from Canterlot to Ponyville, Spike has been staring down at the ground for the last ten minutes. During that time, he contemplated on whether or not the fall would kill him. Sure, he’s a dragon with nearly impenetrable scales, but that doesn’t mean nothing could hurt him. Surely if he fell from this height, it would be more than enough to end his torture. How was he being tortured?

Because for the last twelve minutes now, his best friend Twilight Sparkle has been squeeing like a little filly who was given a pretty pony princess playset. Honestly, Spike would be impressed with the fact that she kept this up for so long. That is if it didn’t feel like his ears were bleeding. By the time they’ve reached the fifteen-minute mark, it was then and there that Spike decided enough was enough.

“Okay! We get it!” he shouted, “You’re really excited. Now could you turn it down a notch? I’m pretty sure the guys who are giving us a ride have gone deaf by now.”

“WHAT DID HE SAY?!” Shouted one of the guards pulling the chariot.

“Sorry Spike, but I just can’t help it!” Twilight exclaimed with a twinkle in her eyes, “Princess Celestia has asked us personally to organize the Summer Sun Celebration! Can you blame me for so happy? Because I’m not just excited. I’m-”

“Really really really REALLY excited,” Spike finished, “Yeah. I know. You’ve been saying that ever since she sent that letter.”

“Only because it’s true.”

“And I don’t know why I have to go with. After all, she wanted you for help. Not both of us.”

“Well, I couldn’t just leave my number one assistant in the apartment all by himself,” Twilight cooed as she rubbed Spikes scales.

“Don’t patronize me,” Spike said as he slapped her hoof away. Twilight was going to retort, but it was then that she noticed Ponyville was now in view. Her excitement grew once more as she saw the adorable cottages and the buildings that were practically screaming with personality. In Canterlot, all the buildings from homes and businesses looked too much the same. White cobble walls with shiny tiled roofs that say: “I’m richer than you. Deal with it.” So the change of pace was more than appreciated by Twilight.

“Look, Spike!” Twilight shouted with enthusiasm, “An apple farm with trees that actually look like apples. Isn’t that adorable?”

“Yes, it’s so adorable that I could frickin’ puke rainbows,” Spike said sarcastically.

Once they landed around the middle of the town, Twilight and Spike hopped off the chariot and faced the two stallions.

"Thank you so much for bringing us here," Twilight told them, "Sorry if I caused any trouble."

“WHAT?” the deaf guard shouted.

"No problems at all ma'am," One of the guards told me, "It's our pleasure to help a student of Princess Celestia."

“Oh, well that’s nice.”

"And you know," he continued with a grin, "If you ever get a chance to talk to your brother-A.K.A.-Our boss, maybe it wouldn't hurt to mention that we did a good job. And-I’m just spitballing here-maybe suggest that we deserve a raise while you're at it."

Twilight just laughed as if she was told a very funny joke. Everyone else, on the other hand, looked at her as if she was insane.

"Very funny you two," she said in between laughs, "Shining Armor did tell me you were a couple of jokers."

“He told you that they were a couple of clowns,” Spike corrected.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure the context is the same.”

“It really isn’t.”

"Haha, yeah. We’re really funny," The non-deaf guard told her, "But seriously though, if you get a chance to tell him-"

"Oh don't worry," Twilight said jokingly, "I'll tell him."

For a second, the guard seemed happy. That is, until Twilight gave him a playful wink, making him realize she didn’t pick up what he was putting down.

"See you around Twilight," he said begrudgingly to her.

“I DIDN’T HEAR WHAT SHE SAID!” shouted the deaf guard, “IS SHE GOING TO BRAG ABOUT US TO HER BROTHER?!”

“Shut up and fly you deaf idiot!” the other guard shouted just so his partner could hear it. They both flew off as Twilight stood there in confusion for a bit. It wasn’t until Spike cleared his throat that he got her attention. Twilight turned to face him, and he pulled out the instructions that Princess Celestia had sent.

“Oh don’t you worry Spike,” Twilight said with confidence, “I haven’t forgotten our mission. From here on out, you have my full undivided-Oh my goodness!”

Once Twilight had turned to face the town, she got a better look at the ponies who reside in it. And what she saw made her even more happy than before.

“Look at all these ponies!” She squealed.

“Yeah,” Spike said with disinterest, “It’s almost as if they look exactly like the ponies we see in Canterlot.”

“Oh contraire my little assistant,” Twilight said, “In Canterlot, it’s mostly just unicorns, unicorns, and also unicorns. Here it’s unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi! Look! There’s even a unicorn talking to an earth pony as if she’s normal and not a dirty tourist! Now that’s something you wouldn’t see in Canterlot.”

“Uh-huh, that’s great. But we should probably-”

“Introduce ourselves? Your right! Let’s go”

Twilight started to trot into town. But before she could go any further, Spike pulled out the instructions.

“‘To my faithful student Twilight,’” he read, stopping Twilight in her tracks, “‘Pack your bags because I have an important mission for you! You see, I’ll be too busy with my plan to stop my sister, that I won't have time to organize the Summer Sun Celebration. Which is why I’m asking to go to Ponyville and do it for me. That is if it won’t be too much trouble. For the time being, you will be spending the night in the town’s library, where you will be surrounded by books! Isn’t that exciting?

“And while you’re there, maybe read up on everything you can about the Mare in the Moon, the Elements of Harmony, and anything else you think might be useful. Who knows, you might find something to add to my already perfect plan. I know you won’t let me down. After all, you are my most faithful student. Signed, Princess Celestia.”

Spike put down the letter and got a good look at Twilight, who looked a tad bit defeated after being reminded of their mission.

“Look, normally I would be all for this responsibility dodging and social interaction,” Spike said in a somewhat comforting tone, “But the sooner we get this done, the sooner you and I can go back home and return to our normal lives. Because it just occurred to me that we forgot to pack for overnight and I’m concerned that we might not sleep in a bed tonight.”

“Your right Spike,” Twilight said, “I shouldn’t waste time introducing myself to everypony.”

“Thank you. Now let’s-”

“But that doesn’t mean I can’t introduce myself to one pony!” Twilight pointed out with her usual enthusiasm popping back up.

“Twilight.”

“Just one pony Spike. Please,” Twilight begged, “After that, I swear we’ll get right to work. I’ll even let you pick the pony!”

Spike groaned. He knew there was no point in arguing about this. One way or another, Twilight will find a way to get what she wants. So Spike decided it would be easier to just give her what she wants and hope it won’t take too long.

He looked around and found what he believed to be the perfect candidate. In fact, if Spike were to bet money on it, he would say that the mare bouncing down the street is made out of cotton candy due to how pink she was. Said mare also looked like she had a happy go lucky personality, which should match perfectly with Twilights.

“That one,” Spike said as he pointed at the cotton candy mare. Once Twilight saw who he was pointing at, her face lit up with excitement.

“She seems perfect!” She exclaimed as she ran over to the pony. Once the two of them got face to face with the pink mare, she stopped bouncing and gave them her full attention.

“Hi there,” Twilight said, “My name is Twilight Sparkle and this my best friend Spike. We’ve come to Ponyville so we can-

Before Twilight could even finish, the mare gave a long exaggerated gasp and bolted in the other direction. Both Twilight and Spike just stood there, confused as to what just happened.

“Um, goodbye...I guess!” Twilight called out, “...She seems nice.”

“Crazy if you ask me,” Spike pointed out, “Now a deals a deal. You introduced yourself to somepony and said pony bolted like a bat out of hell. Can we please get back to organizing the celebration.”

“Oh! Of course,” Twilight said now being fully alert, “What’s the first thing on that to-do list?”

“The first thing to take care of is the catering,” Spike said as he and Twilight were walking through a grove of apple trees “According to Celestia, it should all be taken care of by the residents of Sweet Apple Acres.”

“And it’s the cute farm we saw from the chariot!” Twilight cooed, “So who do talk to?”

“My guess is the pony in charge.”

“This farm is huge though. How do we find them?”

“Maybe we should ask her,” Spike said as he pointed ahead, “She has to be close somepony here seeing how no one has kicked her out yet.”

“Why would somepony kick her out?” Twilight asked. However, she immediately understood once she got a good look at the pony that Spike was pointing at. She was an orange mare who wore a stetson over her blonde main. When Spike and Twilight got close to her, they both were immediately taken aback by the smell.

“Celestia damn this girl reeks of booze,” Spike said through a clogged nose, “She smells worse than your brother during his college days.”

“Um, excuse me,” Twilight said to her. Unfortunately, all she got in return was a loud guttural snore.

“Excuse me,” She said a little louder.

“Hey country girl!” Spike shouted, “Wake up!”

This time the mare woke up with a snort and got up on all four hooves with a long aggravated groan. She then turned to Twilight with bloodshot eyes full of hate.

“Ya mind keeping it down to a whisper,” she told her, “‘Cause Ah got a wicked hangover that ain’t going away anytime soon.”

“Sorry about that,” I said, “My name is Twilight Sparkle and this is Spike. He’s the one who woke you.”

“...Am Ah still drunk, or is your little brother here a dragon?” The mare asked.

“I don’t know if you’re drunk or not, but I’m most certainly a dragon,” Spike said. He then blew smoke out his nostrils to prove his point.

“...Alright then. Well my name’s Applejack,” Applejack told them, “Now why the hell should Ah care about who you two are?”

“Oh, sorry,” Twilight apologized, “We’re just looking for the pony in charge of the farm. Do you know where they are.”

“She’s standin’ right in front of ya,” Applejack said as she pulled a flask out of her hat.

“Are you sure you should drink that?” Spike asked, “You just said that you have a hangover.”

“It helps numb the pain,” Applejack explained before taking a long swig of it, “Now what do ya need?”

“Not much,” Twilight explained, “We just came here because Princess Celestia is having us organize the Summer Sun Celebration. Apparently your farm is taking care of the catering, which is why we’re here to check on how’s it going...sooooo how’s it going?”

“It’s going great,” Applejack said with a belch, “Follow me I’ll take you to the food.”

She then sauntered away with Spike and Twilight following closely behind. Eventually, they stopped in front of a dinner bell, as Applejack rang it.

“Times up everypony!” she called without enthusiasm, “Set yer utensils and other baking shit down ‘cause the Apple Family bake-off is officially done!”

“Bake-off?” Twilight inquired with a tilt to her head.

“It’s how y’all are gettin’ yer catering,” Applejack explained, “Ya see, Ah am a farmer. Not a world-class chef. Ah physically do not have the time to do handle the catering for the town, among all the other shit Ah need to do. Which is why Ah had to improvise.”

Applejack waved her hoof, signifying Spike and Twilight to follow her.

“Lucky for me, we planned the Apple Family reunion on the same day as the Summer Sun Celebration,” she continued, “Which is why Ah suggested we have a bake-off, where the winner gets to have their food featured in the celebration’s catering. What they don’t know is that Ah’m gonna say that they’re all winners and that they all get their food featured.”

The three of them finally reached a table where they promptly sat down.

“They get their sense of accomplishment, and Ah gets a forty-five-minute nap. Everypony wins,” Applejack said as she took another swig from her flask, “Any questions?”

“Just two,” Spike said, “First off: How is your family reunion during a national holiday? Second: If you didn’t want to do the catering, then why are you the one taking care of it?”

“That one you can ask the mayor,” Applejack said bitterly, “For some reason, she thought farmer and chef go hand in hand. As for how the reunion and celebration synced up, Ah’m willin’ to blame the fact that there’s way too much Celestia damned holidays and celebrations for me to keep track of. It’s a miracle that this didn’t happen last year. Or any other year for that matter. Y'all got any other questions?”

“I have one,” Twilight raised her hoof, “Isn’t it a little wrong that you're using your family like this?”

“Pfft. Please,” Applejack said with a wave of her hoof, “This is nothing in comparison to what that bitch Rarity pulls off at Carousel Boutique. That shit is bad. Now enough questions. ‘Cause Ah’m gonna need y’all to help a friend out if ya want yer catering.”

Spike didn’t look ecstatic to help this pony out, but Twilight still hung on a word that Applejack said: Friend.

’Did she just say friend?,’ Twilight thought to herself, ’No, don’t get your hopes up Twilight. You probably misheard her. But still…being her friend does sound nice. It definitely sounds better than what you currently have...which is next to none.’

“Alright everypony!” Applejack called, breaking Twilight from her thoughts, “Bring yer food over and show our judges what ya got!”

Soon enough, the rest of the Apple clan were piling the table they sat at with a bunch of apple-related treats. Once the table was full of every apple brand food known to pony kind, both Spike and Twilight turned to face Applejack.

“Ta stinkin’ da,” Applejack said while taking another swig from her flask, “I give you the catering for the celebration.”

“Can’t help but notice the apple theme with this feast,” Spike pointed out.

“No shit. Ah mean, what else would you expect from an Apple Family bake-off? Banana bread?” Applejack asked sarcastically.

“Fair enough, but we still have an issue here,” Spike spat back, “Did you ever consider that maybe-just maybe-the entire celebration won’t be as apple crazy as the rest of you.”

“I’ll have you know that the ponies in this town actually enjoy the treats of Sweet Apple Acres,” Applejack said defensively.

“Ahem.”

The trio turned attention back to the rest of the apple family, who were all standing uncomfortably.

“So, um,” One of them said, “How long will the judging take?”

“Oh right,” Applejack then cleared her throat.

“My oh my, this all looks so delicious,” she said unconvincingly, “But you know what? Ah don’t think we can just pick one winner. So Ah guess there’s no other option than to make you all winners. Congratulations, and all that other bullshit.”

Her relatives then conversed amongst each other, eventually facing Applejack again with deadpanned expressions.

“Y’all just wanted us to make the catering, didn’t you,” One of them stated rather than asked. As for Applejack, she just shrugged it off.

“Guilty as charged,” she said, “But in my defense, y’all probably wouldn’t have done it willingly if Ah had asked you.”

“Of course we would have!” Another relative defended, “We’re family! Family helps family!”

“Oh,” Applejack said plainly, “...Well, y’all probably should have mentioned that about an hour ago. It would've saved us a whole lot of time. Besides, as far as Ah’m concerned, this whole incident is a win for every-”

“Applejack!” cried a high pitched voice. Applejack’s slacked expression suddenly went pale the second she heard that voice.

“Aw shit,” Applejack mumbled under her breath. All eyes turned toward a short, green, and wrinkly pony with a mane that is white as snow. She began to walk up towards the table and Applejack put on the fakest smile she could muster.

“Hey Granny,” she said nervously, “Ah see yer up from yer nap.”

“Don’t get all friendly with me, missy,” her grandma said, “I couldn’t help but overhear how this food-the same food our family worked really hard for a ‘family bonding activity’-is being used for the Summer Sun Celebration. This either means y’all forgot to prepare food, or y’all were too lazy to do it yerself.”

“Whaaaaaaaat?” Applejack exclaimed, “Don’t be ridiculous. It isn’t neither one of those things.”

“Actually,” said Spike, “Earlier she just said that-”

Before he could finish, Applejack shoved a caramel apple in his mouth to shut him up.

“Ya see Granny, this is all just a big misunderstanding,” said Applejack “What’s actually going on is that Ah was just...uh...offerin’ some food to my new friend Twilight here!”

'She said friend again!’ Twilight thought to herself, 'You made a friend! Or-wait-is she just saying that to help save her butt….Nah, you're totally friends!’

“Listen, Granny,” Applejack said, “Twilight here is new to town and Ah thought that she would love to have some of our delicious food. Ya know, for common courtesy and all that crap.”

Granny just stared at her skeptically.

“Yer a real shit of a liar A.J.,” she said, ”If y’all are covering yer rear because yer too lazy to do the work yourself, then ya know what Ah’ll have to do right?”

“Cut off my liquor?”

“Worse,” Granny said in a very serious manner. “If yer covering yer ass, then y’all are spending a whole week in the hole.”

Applejack’s eyes grew wider as all of her relatives gasped in shock. Twilight looked both confused and worried about her new friend. Spike on the other hand just spit out the caramel apple.”

“The hell is the hole?” he asked incredulously.

“Trust me,” Applejack whimpered, “Y’all don’t wanna know.”

Applejack was getting paler by the second and Twilight couldn’t help but feel bad. In fact, she even felt obligated to help because friends don’t let friends spend a week in the hole...whatever the hole might be.

“She’s right ma'am,” Twilight lied, “I absolutely love apples.”

To help prove her point, Twilight shoved an entire apple fritter in her mouth. Instantaneously her eyes lit up with how good it tasted. Just then, a lightbulb lit up inside Twilight’s head.

“This is amazing!” she said, “But you know what Applejack, I can’t just eat all of this.

Applejack tilted her head the same way a dog does when it feels confused.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I mean it’s too much for a little pony like myself,” Twilight explained, “In fact, you should use this food for the Summer Sun Celebration. That way the whole town gets to taste these delicious treats.”

She then gave Applejack a wink, to which the alcoholic apple then understood what was going on.

“That’s a fantastic idea Twilight,” she said, “What do ya say, Granny?”

Her Granny glared at them in silence. For a moment, Twilight and Applejack were getting worried that their con wasn’t going to work.

“Fine, y’all can use the food,” Granny said reluctantly, “But if it goes awry, Applejack, y’all are gonna be the one to pay for it.”

Applejack gulped, and something told Twilight that her new friend had something more than just the hole to worry about.

“I can’t believe you actually helped her out,” Spike said as the two of them were walking through Ponyville.

“I had to Spike,” Twilight said dejectedly, “She called me her friend. And after all, friends help each other out no matter what. Right?”

“Well thanks to your new friend, our entire buffet is going to consist of nothing but apples,” Spike pointed out, “So when Princess Celestia gets pissed off at us, I want you to remember that.”

“Oh don’t be such a sourpuss,” Twilight said playfully, “Princess Celestia will be happy no matter what we do. Just as long as we get her list done on time. Speaking of, what’s next?”

Spike sighed as he pulled out their to-do list.

“It says that we need to check to make sure that the weather is clear,” he said, “According to this, a pony named Rainbow Dash should have it taken care of.”

The two of them then stopped in the middle of town and looked up at the sky.

“Well the sky is definitely clear,” said Twilight, “The question is: Where is-”

“Rainbow Dash reporting for duty!”

Spike and Twilight jumped at the sound of a stern yet raspy voice. They both turned around to see a teal pony with a rainbow mane and tail standing before them. She appeared to be saluting to the duo, as well as having a very stern expression that matched her voice.

“Cheese and crackers you scared me,” Twilight said with a hoof over her heart, “You said that you’re Rainbow Dash?”

“Yes ma'am,” Rainbow said sternly, “Permission to report my efforts?”

“Um,” Twilight turned to Spike, who just shrugged. “Sure...I guess? Permission granted.”

“Yes ma’am,” Rainbow said now lowering her salute, “It was 0-eight hundred hours and I was ordered to clear the skies of any rouge clouds. Apparently some rookies at the weather factory delivered our clouds a day early, thus nearly blocking the skyline of Ponyville. I took care of the situation by busting each and every cloud that I saw. My efforts were hard, but I still got the job done in exactly ten seconds once given my assignment.”

“Hold on,” said Spike, “You said that the sky was nearly covered?”

“Yes sir!”

“And you cleared it in under ten seconds?”

“I know,” Rainbow deadpanned, “I could have easily done it in under five. I guess my speed was a little off today.”

Twilight and Spike did nothing but stare at Rainbow Dash with disbelieve.

“That was a joke,” she explained, “My apologies. I’ve been told that my deadpanned demeanor fails at expressing humor.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Spike said sarcastically, “Is that all soldier?”

“Yes sir!” Rainbow saluted, “Permission to be dismissed?”

“Permission gran-”

“Woah Woah Woah,” Twilight interrupted, “Not so fast. Why don’t you tell me about yourself? Who you are, where you’re from, what’s your life dreams; stuff like that.”

“Twilight”

“We’ve got time Spike,” Twilight said playfully, “So go on, don’t be shy.”

“Yes ma’am!” said Rainbow Dash, “I am Rainbow Dash, the daughter of Bow Hothoof and Windy Whistles. Age: 25. Species: Pegasus. Special talent: Being faster than any creature on the planet. Point of Origin: Cloudsdale. Life Goal: Become a Wonderbolt.”

“The aerial stunt team?” Spike asked.

“Yes sir!” Rainbow clarified.

“Wouldn’t you rather be part of the royal guard? I'm asking because that's what I'm getting from...all this.”

“Very much so,” Rainbow explained, “Unfortunately the royal guard does not accept any females of my stature in its regime. I have tried many times, but I have always been denied access.”

“Why don’t you just work out and get super buff?” Twilight inquired, “The guard will let you then.”

“The very thought has crossed my mind,” Rainbow said, “However, our society put the idea in mare’s minds that in order to be considered beautiful one must be small and thin. As for the Wonderbolts, they are the only military service in Equestria that would allow a mare of my body type. My plan is to start as a Wonderbolt, prove that I am guard material, and eventually become captain of Princess Celestia’s royal guard.”

“Well remind me not to introduce you to my brother,” Twilight joked, “He would not be happy that you’re after his job.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyebrows shot up a millimeter on her stern face.

“Your brother is the captain of the royal guard?” she asked.

“He sure is!” Twilight said proudly, “He often complains about how his men are idiots, but I think he’s just being unfair. They’re doing their best after all.”

There was a moment of silence as no one said anything. Rainbow Dash seemed to be in deep thought. Or at least Spike and Twilight assumed she was in deep thought. All she seemed to be doing is staring at both of them with her face still stern and unblinking. Eventually, she finally raised her hoof in a salute.

“Permission to be your closest ally and skip a couple of steps in my plan?” Rainbow asked.

“...Is that just a different way of saying you want to be my friend?”

“...Yes ma’am.”

“Then permission granted!”

“Yuss,” Rainbow said with a hoof pump, “Now may I have permission to be dismissed?”

“Permission granted soldier,” Spike said sarcastically.

“Thank you, sir!” Rainbow Dash then flew off. Spike turned to face Twilight, who was practically vibrating with giddiness.

“You do realize that she’s using you right.” Spike stated rather than asked, “Same with that Apple crazy farmer from earlier. None of them are actually your friends.”

“Uh oh,” Twilight said, “Sounds like someone’s a little jealous that nopony asked him to be their friend.”

“Trust me, that’s the very last thing I want,” Spike defended, “Seriously, every single pony in this town is either crazy or just an a-hole. And we get enough a-holes in Canterlot. Now can we finally get back to finishing our list.”

“Our next stop is to check the decorations of the festival,” Spike said as he and Twilight walked inside of town hall, “According to this, a pony named Rarity is making sure that everything...looks...”

Spike lost his train of thought as he looked up from the parchment he was reading, as he was taken aback by the absolute beauty before him. However, the beauty wasn’t the decorations. Sure the variety of multi-colored ribbons throughout the hall looked dazzling, but none of it compared to the pony organizing it. Her coat was as white as the first snow in winter, her curled mane and tail were a lustrous shade of purple, and her eyes shined brighter than the diamonds on her cutie mark. If Spike could describe her in one word, it would be:

“Radiant,” he said mesmerized.

“You know, I gotta agree,” Twilight said, fully unaware of what Spike is talking about, “Look at those ribbons. They’re so sparkly that I can practically see my face in them. That’s not even physically possible, but I love it!”

“Uh-huh,” Spike half-agreed.

“Yup, things sure are looking great here,” Twilight said, “So what’s next on the list?”

“Wait what,” Spike asked as he snapped back into reality, “Hold up. You’ve literally been trying to make friends all day. Now you suddenly want to get the job done?”

“Well Applejack and Rainbow Dash were like ponies I’ve never seen in Canterlot,” Twilight explained, “I look throughout this room and all I see are the unicorns we meet in Canterlot. Especially that pony who looks like she’s in charge.”

Twilight motion around the room they stood in, and it was just then that Spike noticed the several unicorns hanging up the ribbons.

“Besides,” Twilight said, “I thought you’d be happy that I wanted to stay on task.”

“I am,” Spike admitted, “But we’ve literally got one thing left to do. We’ve got at least until sunset before we need to finish, so why not mingle?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah!” Spike said as he pointed at the organizer, “Start with her. Even ask her a lot of questions if you have to. Questions like-and I'm just spitballing here-whether or not she's single; you know. The important stuff.”

Twilight looked at Spike suspiciously. However, her suspicion evaporated into excitement in almost an instant.

“Ok!” she said happily, “If you say so.”

The two of them then walked towards the mare in charge, who was currently examining the ribbons currently hung up.

“Hi there,” Twilight said to the mare, “Are you Rarity.”

“The one and only darling,” Rarity responded, and instantly Spike fell back into a lovestruck state. Her voice was silky smooth with the most beautiful British accent Spike had ever heard in his life. It was then and there that he realized he had found his soulmate.

“Well it’s very nice to meet you,” said Twilight, “You see, I’m-”

“Could you hold on to that thought for a second darling?” Rarity asked politely, “There’s something I have to take care of.”

“Oh...of course,” Twilight said. Rarity then turned toward the ribbons hung up, her expression going from polite to furious.

“HEARTSTRINGS!” she practically screeched. Twilight herself jumped at the sudden mood change, where Spike still remained in his romantic fantasies. Suddenly, a mint-colored unicorn appeared, with worry lines nearly making up her features.

“Yes Miss Rarity,” The pony currently known as Heartstrings said with a hint of fear. Rarity faced the pony and levitated a ribbon off on of the columns.

“Do you see this ribbon?” She asked furiously.

“Um...yes?”

“I’m sorry, did you phrase that like a question? Do you actually not see the ribbon that I am currently holding in front of your face right now?”

“No ma’am-I mean-Yes ma’am-I mean-” Heartstrings then gulped down her fears and gave Rarity a forced smile, “I do in fact see the ribbon in front of me.”

“Very good,” Rarity said, “Now tell me Heartstrings: What color is this ribbon?”

“It’s...red?”

“CRIMSON!” Rarity shouted, “CRIM! SON! You put up the crimson-colored ribbons when I specifically-undoubtitly-asked you hang up the carmine colored ribbons instead. And it’s not just that. You put up navy blue ribbons instead of royal blue, and cyber yellow instead of tuscany! I mean, did you even take art classes?!”

“No,” Heartstrings admitted pathetically, “I took classes on how to be a lyricist. Because that’s my special talent.”

“Are you sure that your special talent isn’t being a screw-up?” Rarity asked sarcastically, “If you ask me, with mistakes like this, that’s what you should have been destined to be! Now take these ribbons down, and start again. Do it all again!”

“Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am,” Heartstrings said as she began to take down the carmine colored ribbons. Rarity, now done with the irritation of the day, turned to face a shocked and confused Twilight.

“Very sorry that you had to see that darling,” Rarity apologized calmly, “Assistants. You know how frustrating they can be.”

“Um…” Twilight glanced at Spike, who was still staring dreamingly at Rarity. Somehow he was completely unaware of what just transpired.

“I really don’t,” Twilight admitted.

“Well, in that case, you’ve just experienced first hand the annoyance-of incompetence!” Rarity shouted that last bit just so Lyra could hear, “But where are my manners. You were just about to tell me your name, weren’t you? What was it exactly?”

“Oh, right,” said Twilight, “My name is Twilight Sparkle and this is my best friend Spike.”

“Hi,” Spike said with the suaveness of a cavepony.

“We’re just here to go over how the decorations look,” Twilight continued, “You see, Princess Celestia asked me personally to-”

“Hold on,” Rarity interrupted with a twinkle in her eye, “Did you just say, Princess Celestia?”

“...Yes?”

“As in you know her?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t suppose that also means you’re from Canterlot does it?”

“Yeah. It actually does.”

Rarity’s whole face lit up like a Hearthwarming Eve tree the second she heard that news.

“In that case, it is a very nice pleasure to meet you!”

“It is?”

“Of course!” Rarity said as she wrapped a hoof around Twilight, “I take it you’ve never been to Ponyville? If that’s the case, I simply must show you around town.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Twilight explained, “Spike and I still have to finish up our list and-”

“Well then at least allow me to show you one building,” Rarity said as she batted her eyelashes, “I promise that not only will it take a second, but it’s also the nicest place in Ponyville.”

“Well…” Twilight looked to Spike for guidance, but all she got was a long dreamy sigh.

“I...guess as long as it’s quick,” Twilight said with forced enthusiasm.

“Excellent,” Rarity then turned towards her assistant, “Heartstrings, despite any form of logical judgment, I’m leaving you in charge. Don’t let the power go to your head.”

“Yes ma’am,” she said dejectedly. Feeling bad for her, Twilight thought she should voice a few words of optimism to make Heartstrings feel better. Unfortunately, Rarity had just begun dragging Twilight out the door before she could even think of anything remotely positive.

“Come along darling,” Rarity said, “Trust me, your jaw is going to drop once you see what I’m about to show you.”

Rarity was right. Twilight’s jaw did in fact drop. However, it was less about how amazing the sight was, and more about how horrifying it looked.

Rarity took Twilight and Spike to a dress shop named Carousel Boutique. Twilight thought it looked nice and cute from the outside, but then Rarity showed them the inside. From there, she saw several ponies sewing dresses of many designs together. If Twilight could describe it in one word, it would be a sweatshop.

“Welcome to my shop,” Rarity announced, “Don’t mind the employees. They may complain about work hours and wages, but that’s because they forget how much they need me.”

“Is this all legal?” Twilight asked with a hint of fear.

“Not only is it legal, but it’s also beneficial,” Rarity explained, “You see, some ponies have special talents that just can’t give them a proper income. But here in Carousel Boutique, any pony is welcome to work here until they finally find themselves! As long as they can properly do the work of course.”

Just then, a grey cross-eyed pegasus with a blonde mane and tail flew up to them.

“Hi Miss Rarity,” the mare said, “I finished the dress that you wanted.”

The mare than pulled something from behind her back. She called it a dress, but in reality, it looked like a couple of rags that were poorly sewn together. Rarity’s mood had once again soured.

“Derpy, there’s not a single dress that I designed that looks remotely like that!” She stated, “And why are you even here? I fired you, like, yesterday.”

“Yeah, but I really needed money to pay the bills,” Derpy said, “Which is why I stopped!”

“You stopped being fired?”

“Yes ma’am!” Derpy said chipperly. Rarity was then rubbing her hoofs against her temples, incapable of understanding the logic of her current situation.

“You know what, screw it,” she said, “You want to work here? Fine. Just...go to stand in front of that corner and DON’T. Touch. anything. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am!” While Derpy did as she told, Rarity faced Twilight again with her usual smile.

“Very sorry about that. She’s special” Rarity whispered that last part and Twilight has never felt more at home than she did just now. And she didn’t like it.

“You know, me Spike really should get going,” she said worriedly, “Isn’t that right Spike?”

“I’m Spike,” Spike said stupidly, still somehow unaware of his surroundings. Rarity, however, shook her head in disagreement

“Don’t be ridiculous darling,” she said, “You have to at least try on something. I insist.”

“Oh, that’s not-”

“CARROT TOP!” Rarity called. A yellow mare with a bright orange mane had walked up while holding a frilly saddle.

“For the last time, my name is Golden Harvest,” the mare stated as she handed over the saddle.

“It’s called a playful nickname darling,” Rarity explained, “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Wouldn’t be considered playful if we enjoyed it equally?” Golden Harvest asked, “Because otherwise, it sounds less like a nickname and more like an insult.”

“...Just...go back to work,” Rarity ordered.

“Yes ma’am,” Golden Harvest said dejectedly. Rarity then put the saddle over Twilight and began to strap it.

“Let me know when this gets too tight darling,” she explained.

“Oh, I’m sure it won’t be-TOO TIGHT!” Twilight squeaked as Rarity forcefully fastened the straps. Almost instantaneously, she let loose the strap.

“Really?!” Rarity asked incredulously, “But this was a large! Hm...Have you ever considered going on a diet?”

“My mom says that my body is already perfect the way it is,” Twilight said sheepishly.

“Yes, my mum says the same thing,” Rarity then leaned closer to whisper, “But between you and me, her body isn’t exactly the temple she thinks it is.”

“Ok! Well, it was very nice to meet you,” Twilight said with false politeness, “But me and Spike rrreeeaaallllllyyy need to get going.”

Twilight then took off the saddle and politely handed it back to Rarity, but the business mare handed it right back.

“No darling, I insist that you keep it,” she said, “After all, that is what friends do for each other.”

Twilight soon jolted as her willingness to leave slightly disappeared.

“You want to be my friend?” she asked, “Like...willingly?”

“But of course,” Rarity said as if it was fact, “What other reason would I want to be friends with you?”

“To get something out of it?”

Rarity gasped out of shock.

“I would never!”

“Yes she would.”

“Would you like to go back to earning next to nothing selling carrots?”

“...No.”

“Then quiet you,” Rarity faced Twilight with a smile, “I assure you, darling, there is nothing I want from you other than friendship. I mean, sure it would be beneficial for you to go back to Canterlot and tell the rich ponies there about my work, but I assure you that the thought hasn’t even crossed my mind once...until now.”

Twilight was torn. On the one hoof, she didn’t think she would want to be friends with a pony like Rarity. On the other hoof, new friend!

“Ok…” she said unsurely, “Well, Spike and I really do have to go. So it was nice meeting you...sort of. Come on Spike.”

Twilight levitated Spike in her aura and the two of them finally began to leave the store.

“Bye pretty pony!” Spike said dully.

“She’s perfect,” Spike sighed as leaned back on Twilight. The two of them were walking down a path that was leading them just outside of Ponyville, and the whole time Spike seemed to be stuck in a dreamlike state over their new “friend.”

“Spike, you know I would never crush anyone’s hopes of love,” Twilight told him, “But I got an aching feeling that she wouldn’t really be interested in you.”

“Why? Because I’m a dragon?” He asked defensively.

“Because you’re a kid,” Twilight said simply.

“Oh, well that’s understandable,” Spike said as he relaxed again, “But don’t worry about that Twilight. I’ve got the perfect plan that assures she will fall in love with me.”

Before he could even explain his plan, Spike had finally got a sense of his surroundings and straightened up into a sitting position.

“Where are we anyway?” he asked curiously.

“We’re heading off to finish the to-do list,” Twilight explained as she pulled out the parchment, “You were still daydreaming, so I had to read what was next myself. According to this, a pony named Fluttershy is in charge of handling the music, and we have to check up on her. I asked around, and the ponies said that they’ve last seen her somewhere around here.”

Almost on cue, the two of them began to hear the music of songbirds coming from nearby. As they followed the sound, Spike and Twilight came across a yellow pegasus with a long pink mane and tail. The mare hadn’t noticed them yet, as she appeared to be directing a random assortment of birds to sing a song. Or at least she was trying to, as one of the blue jays appeared to be freestyling.

“Um, Mr. Bluejay,” the mare said quietly, “I know you like to mix it up a bit, but if it’s alright with you, I think it’s for the best if we stick to the song I wrote.”

Unfortunately for the mare, the bluejay continued to do his own thing.

“Ok, um, that’s nice on its own, I guess,” said the mare, “But seriously, I need you to follow my directions. Please?”

The bluejay still refused to listen.

“Pretty Please?”

The bluejay was practically mocking the mare with its freestyle.

“Ok, I guess you can just...do whatever,” the mare said as she accepted defeat, “It’s only the most important celebration of the year. I’m sure nopony would mind your freestyle.”

“Um, excuse me.”

The mare then turned around at the new voice, to come face to face with a confused Twilight.

“Are you Fluttershy?” she asked nicely.

“Yes. Why?” Fluttershy asked with a tilt to her head, “Did I do something wrong? Oh Celestia, are you here to yell at me for something I did wrong?”

“What? No,” Twilight answered, “Me, and my friend Spike here, are just making sure everything is alright for the celebration tonight. According to our to-do list, you’re in charge of the music?”

“Yes. I am.”

There was a long moment of silence between the three individuals.

“Soooo?” Spike initiated.

“Soooo?” Fluttershy misunderstood.

“Soooo how’s it going?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Fluttershy apologizes pathetically, “It’s actually going really well. All things considered. I guess.”

“Well, where are the musicians?” Spike asked, “Shouldn’t you be directing them instead of these birds?”

“Actually, the birds are the musicians,” Fluttershy explained. Spike and Twilight just stared at her blankly for a while, neither of them not knowing what to say at such a revelation.

“You see, Ponyville doesn’t really have that many musicians,” Fluttershy continued to explain, “Lyra can play the lyre, but she’s shy in front of crowds and Rarity practically owns her now. And we do have Vinyl Scratch, who’s also a D.J., but she went to Canterlot for the celebration. Said something about seeing something fling, or something along those lines. I don’t know. I don’t really poke into other ponies’ business.

“Anyway, at the meeting of who does what for the celebration, I said that birds are pretty good singers and that they could probably handle the music for the night. It was meant to be a joke, but unfortunately, ponies have a hard time knowing whether or not I’m joking. Because of this, Mayor Mare took me seriously and told me that I can take care of the music. So ever since sunrise, I’ve been teaching my birds how to sing in full concierto...and as I’ve said, it’s been going fine...all things considered.”

Spike and Twilight just did nothing but stare at Fluttershy, attempting to unpack everything that has been said to them.

“...Have I been talking for too long?” Fluttershy asked, “Because it feels like I’ve been talking for too long.”

“It’s not the fact that you’ve been talking for too long,” Spike explained, “It’s the fact that what you’ve just said is the worst case of incompetence that I’ve heard in my life.”

“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy apologized, “I know I’m the worst. My rabbit tells me every day.”

“Oh! No, you’re not the worst,” Twilight said, “You just eccen-Wait, did you just say that your rabbit tells you that you're the worst?”

“Yeah, his name’s Angel,” said Fluttershy, “He’s a good bunny, but he gets a little mad that nopony understands him. And also takes that anger out on me because I’m the only one who understands a single word he says.”

Once again, Spike and Twilight did nothing but stare at the pony in front of them.

“Seriously, is there some sort of medication you should be on?” Spike asked, “Did you, like, forget to take some this morning?”

“Not really,” Fluttershy said, “I should know. I asked several doctors and they said that I’m fully developed mentally.”

“Huh,” Twilight simply stated, “Well, it was nice meeting you Fluttershy.”

“I know it wasn’t,” Fluttershy said dejectedly, “You don’t have to lie me.”

“Oh! I’m not lying!” Twilight said too quickly, “It genuinely was nice to meet you.”

“...Really?”

“Yeah!”

Fluttershy just stared at Twilight with disbelieve. For a short time, Twilight was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the excessive attention given to her.

“...No one has ever said anything nice to me before,” Fluttershy said, “Thank you miss.”

“Oh, you don’t need to be formal,” Twilight explained, “Please, just call me-”

“Twilight!”

Twilight became tense as she recognized that voice. Turning around, she confirmed her excitement when she saw Princess Celestia herself standing behind her.

“Princess!” she said happily, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh no, is this about the colony of ants I squashed?” Fluttershy asked, instantly groveling before the princess, “I’m sorry! I wasn’t paying attention, and I accidentally walked into their anthill. Please forgive me. I already made a memorial for them, what more would it take?”

“What? No that’s not-I mean,” Celestia cleared her throat and smiled kindly at her subject, “There’s no need to grovel before me my kind subject. Your sins have already been forgiven.”

“Oh thank goodness,” Fluttershy sighed with relief.

“As for why I’m here,” Princess Celestia then turned to Twilight, “I’m supposed to get ready for the celebration tonight. However, I wanted to check on how my favorite student was taking care of things.”

“I’m your favorite student!” Twilight squeed.

“You’re her only student,” Spike pointed out, but Twilight just ignored him.

“Well, the preparations are going great princess!” Twilight said with a playful salute, “The catering is delicious, the skies are clear, the decorations are lovely, and this pony is teaching birds how to play orchestra music. Isn’t that neat?”

“...I’m sorry, but did you just say she’s teaching birds how to play orchestra music?” Celestia asked.

“It was meant to be a joke,” both Fluttershy and Twilight answered at the same time.

“Well, that is...neat!” Princess Celestia said with her familiar smile.

“Glad to hear it princess!” Twilight said proudly, “It’s always a pleasure to-”

“However, if I may criticize,” the princess interrupted, “When I asked you to take care of things, I thought you would take care of it no problem. That way you’ll have enough time to study to find ways of stopping..." she briefly glanced at Fluttershy before looking back at Twilight, "You-know-who.”

“Um...Well I-”

“And I can’t help but notice that it’s nearly sunset and you haven't done that yet,” Princess Celestia continued, “I went to see you at the library, you know, the one I set up for you to spend the night in. I was expecting you to be there, but nopony was home. I asked this pink pony where you were, and she told me that I would find you right here. And here I am seeing that you have just finished organizing the preparations. You didn’t get distracted, did you?”

“I…” Twilight turned to look at Fluttershy before facing Princess Celestia again, “Maybe I got a little distracted. But it’s fine, right? You did say that you have a plan.”

“Oh, of course, I have a plan,” the princess said, “It’s a perfect plan. Almost without fail. Still, it’s for the best you study for alternative ways to stop you-know-who. Better to be safe than sorry, am I right?”

“...Yes princess,” Twilight said dejectedly. Spike looked at her with sympathy and glared at the princess as she began to comfort her student condescendingly.

“Don’t worry Twilight,” she said, “I’m not mad. Just go to the library and finally finish what I asked of you. Because you wouldn’t want to disappoint me would you?”

“No princess.”

“Good,” Celestia then began to walk back to town, “See you at the celebration Twilight! I hope you’ll find a solution.”

Twilight sighed in defeat as she turned to face Fluttershy.

“Sorry, but we have to go,” Twilight said, “It really was nice meeting you. And your birds do sound lovely.”

“Oh, thank you,” Fluttershy said, her mood visibly increasing. In fact, if she didn’t know any better, Fluttershy could that at this moment she felt truly-

“Speaking of, your birds flew away a couple of minutes ago,” Twilight said, “Sorry. I should’ve mentioned it earlier, but your story distracted me.”

“Wait, what?” Fluttershy turned around and, sure enough, all the birds she has been directing for the past ten hours were gone.

“Aw man,” she said dejectedly, “I don’t suppose you want to help me find them?”

Fluttershy looked back at Twilight, but she and Spike were already leaving.

“Oh, that’s fine. I guess,” Fluttershy called out, “You have better things to do. I completely get it.”

Spike and Twilight walked in silence as the two of them walked towards the Golden Oaks Library. According to the directions they’ve got, it was a big tree near the center of town that built to look like a library. Throughout the whole walk, Twilight just stared ahead with her usual grin practically gone missing. At the moment, Spike felt torn. On the one hand, he was right about staying on task, and he always loved being right. On the other hand, Twilight was practically a sister to him, and he couldn’t stand seeing her like this.

“Hey, don’t feel too bad,” he said nurturing, “Even the best A+ students get an occasional B on their assignments.”

“You don’t need to cheer me up Spike,” Twilight’s dejection soon turned into determination, “You were right. I shouldn’t have got distracted. From here on out, we’re focussing on work.”

“You sure?”

“Yep,” Twilight said as they walked inside the library, “Besides, I don’t see how I can’t. There’s literally nopony else left for us to meet.”

Once she closed the door, Twilight realized that the lights were left off. Before she could even search for a light switch, the lights were instantly turned on revealing a room full of ponies.

“SURPRISE!”

“Sweet Sally!” Twilight exclaimed as she put a hoof to her chest. As for Spike, he immediately fell off of Twilight’s back out of pure shock.

“What the hell are all of these ponies doing here?” Spike asked, picking himself off the floor, “I know for a fact that it isn’t for learning.”

“They’re here because I invited them silly!”

The duo once again turned to face a new voice, only to find it belonging to a familiar face.

“Hey, you’re-”

“The pony from earlier? I sure am!” The pink mare said chipperly, “My name’s Pinkie Pie, and it is very nice to meet you. Sorry that I couldn’t introduce myself properly. I knew for a fact that you’re new here, so I decided to throw you a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party!”

“A party?” Twilight asked with disbelieve.

“Uh-huh.”

“For...me?” Disbelieve soon turned into heartfelt.

“Yeperoonie!” Pinkie confirmed.

“No one has ever thrown me a party before,” Twilight said nearly choking up on her word, “Thank you so much.”

“Oh it was no problem,” Pinkie waved off, “Trust me. Parties are the best way for me to forget.”

“What do you mean to forget?” Spike asked.

“Oh not much,” Pinkie told him, “I just use parties to forget that our lives are meaningless and that every decision we make has already been predetermined by a cruel god Or. in our case a writer who has a high superiority complex of himself…Anyway, are you hungry? Cause there are cupcakes on the other end.”

What might have been the fifth time that day, Twilight and Spike just stared in silence at the mare in front of them

“Wait a minute,” Twilight said with a sense of seriousness, “Are you telling me that you brought CUPCAKES!”

“That is not the thing you focus on Twilight!” Spike told his now ecstatic friend. Once again, Twilight chose to ignore him as she walked over to a table chock full of confectionary treats. She gasped once she noticed the flavor of the cupcakes.

“Are those-”

“Red velvet?” Pinkie finished, “They sure are!”

“I love red velvet,” Twilight said as she picked up one of the cupcakes, “You see, they-”

“Remind you of your mother Twilight Velvet, who always told you to that great things happen to ponies who follow their dreams,” Pinkie finished with a smile. Twilight, on the other hoof, couldn’t help but stare.

“How do you know that?”

“Silly filly, I know everything,” Pinkie said with a smile, “E V E R Y T H I N G.”

“...Oh really?”

“Yep,” Pinkie confirmed, “I know the day you were born, the day you’ll die, your favorite food, your favorite color, your highest hopes, your worst nightmares, and even your creepiest fetishes!”

“I don’t have any fetishes.”

“And I knew that!” Pinkie continued, “I also know all of those things that I just mentioned for all of the ponies in this room! Not only that, but I know everything that has and will happen to every pony in Equestria!”

“Well that’s...neat,” Twilight said with a forced smile.

“Oh, it sure isn’t,” Pinkie said with laughter, “Trust me, having the knowledge of basically every little thing in the known universe is such God damn torture! Don’t let this happy expression fool you. I may act all happy go lucky on the outside. But on the inside. I. Am. Dieing!”

“...Ok then,” Twilight said, beginning to feel uncomfortable.

“No need to be uncomfortable,” Pinkie told her, “The omnipotent knowledge that I’m cursed with can come in handy in making parties like this. Especially when it comes to making the guest list.”

“Why does that-”

“Rainbow Dash reporting for duty!”

Twilight jumped at the familiar voice. She turned around and, sure enough, it was Rainbow Dash standing before her with a salute.

“Oh, hey Rainbow,” Twilight said, calming her breath, “When did you get here?”

“An hour ago,” Rainbow stated plainly, “Once getting Pinkie’s invitation, I have decided to spend the time doing a perimeter search for any threats, as well as giving an ocular pat down to every party guest entering the domain.”

“And you’ve been doing that for an hour?” Twilight asked.

“Yes ma’am,” Rainbow confirmed, “It is more efficient that way. Permission to give you my report.”

“Sure-I mean-permission granted.”

“Yes ma’am,” Rainbow dropped her salute, “I am happy to report that there are no threats currently residing in the premises.”

“Oh Twilight!”

“Correction,” Rainbow continued, “There are currently no threats in the premises that I cannot physically overpower.”

Just then, Rarity walked up to the group, sporting her signature false smile.

“Rarity,” Twilight said with uncertainty, “You came here too?”

“Of course darling,” Rarity waved off Twilights concern, “That’s what friends do for each other right? W come to each other's little parties in order to hang out. And we are friends, after all. I mean, why else would I come to this...quaint little establishment with the unsophisticated ponies of Ponyville, if not to spend time with you?”

“I know why!” Pinkie exclaimed, “It’s because you’re hoping that she’ll believe you’re friends so she can promote your store in Canterlot.”

“No one asked you Pinkie,” Rarity said with a glare before facing Twilight with a smile, “Don’t listen to her darling. She is, how you say, a little cuckoo bananas.”

“Son of a bitch!”

Rarity’s mood has once again soured at the sound of the familiar southern drawl. The entire group had turned to see Applejack herself, sauntering over.

“Pinkie, what have Ah told you,” She said to the party planner, “If y’all are gonna throw another one of yer random parties, then don’t invite me if y’all are gonna invite Rarity. And if ya really have to invite us both, the least you could do is heavily spike the punch.”

“Oh I did,” Pinkie said as she pointed in the other direction, “The pink punch is full of sugary goodness, and the purple punch is full of the strongest vodka I could find.”

“Oh, Ah’ve just been drinkin’ the pink punch,” Applejack stated plainly, “My apologies. Now if you don’t excuse me-”

“The party has barely started and you’re already drinking?” Rarity asked flabbergasted, “Please, for your sake, have some standards. Because it’s hardly ladylike to get wasted as much as you do.”

Applejack began to stare daggers at the pony of her frustrations.

“Like Ah give a rats ass about what is or isn’t ladylike,” Applejack said through gritted teeth, “Especially comin’ from a bitch like you.”

“Well maybe you should,” Rarity stated, “After all, you’ll find it’s a lot easier to find a special somepony if you act more like a lady and less like a country hick.”

“Oh and y’all are such the master of love,” Applejack said sarcastically, “Name one stallion that ya had a serious relationship with that had lasted more than a week.”

“It’s called browsing!” Rarity said defensively, “You don’t just go dress shopping and expect to pick out the first set of rags you see!”

“Living ponies are not just some objects y’all can buy at the store!”

The two of them continue to go back and forth between each other. Twilight couldn’t help but watch as her two new friends were in an intense screaming match.

“Should we do something?” she asked Pinkie.

“Nah, this is normal,” Pinkie told Twilight with a smile, “Trust me, after a while, this will be like construction workers doing work outside your home. It’s annoying at first, but eventually, your brain will tune it out as background noise.”

“Huh,” Twilight said as she continued to stare at the fight before her. Soon enough, her attention was drawn away from the two screaming mares, and towards the sounds of exasperated panting. Twilight soon found out that said panting was coming from an exhausted-looking Fluttershy.

“Sorry...I’m...late,” she said between gasps of air, “I was...looking for birdseed at my house...to help me find my birds. That’s when I...when I found this invitation to your party. So I...I ran over here...as fast as I could.”

“You ran?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you just fly?”

Fluttershy was about to answer, but once the realization hit her, her energy soon sunk further more than it did.

“I’m an idiot.”

“You sure are,” Pinkie said with a simply.

“That wasn’t nice,” Twilight said to Pinkie.

“She doesn’t mind,” Pinkie told her.

“She’s right. I don’t,” Fluttershy sighed.

“Anyways,” Pinkie put a hoof around Twilight, “Welcome to Ponyville! And now that all of your friends are here, are you ready to get this party started?”

Twilight was ecstatic. For the first time in her life, she was surrounded by friends at a party meant for her. Sure the guest list was...eccentric, but Twilight didn’t mind. She wanted to get to know them better. She wanted to have fun. She-

’You wouldn’t want to disappoint me would you?’

-needed to follow orders.

“I...I can’t,” Twilight reluctantly refused, “I want to! I really want to. But Princess Celestia asked me to do something for her. And I can’t let her down.”

“Yeah, I know,” Pinkie said nonchalantly, “You don’t mind if we still party while you work, do you. I put a lot of work into it, and I do not want it all to go to waste.”

Twilight forced a smile, trying her best not to let her pain seep through.

“Of course not,” she said, “Party as much as you want.”

“You bet I will,” Pinkie then turned to the crowd behind her, “Alright party ponies! Who’s ready to get this party started?”

Twilight heard everypony cheer as she walked away to find an empty room to study. She wished there was a solution where she could both enjoy her party and do what the princess asked. But Twilight didn’t have time to feel bad for herself. She had a mission to do, and by Celestia, she will not let her teacher down.

Twilight had let her teacher down.

She had spent the last few hours studying nearly every book she could get her hoofs on in that library. She scanned through books about ancient artifacts to even books about sibling counseling if the moment required it. Despite her best efforts, Twilight had come up with nothing remotely useful for the situation at hoof. Needless to say, she was freaking out as she stood in city hall amongst the ponies of Ponyville, waiting for the celebration to begin.

“Hey there,” Pinkie said as she bounced up to Twilight, “How did the studying go? I mean, I know it went bad, but conversations like this are the closest I’ll get to being grounded in reality.”

“The studying was something to be desired,” Twilight said as calmly as she could, “But I’m sure it’s fine. It has to fine! Right Spike?”

Twilight turned to face her best friend for moral support. Unfortunately, Spike had currently passed out on her back during the walk over to the city hall.

“Oh right, it’s past his bedtime,” she said mostly to herself, “Still, it’s not the end of the world.”

“Not yet it isn’t!” Pinkie pointed out.

“Princess Celestia still has a plan,” Twilight continued, “She said it herself: It’s a plan without fail. I’m sure that everything is going to be just fine.”

Meanwhile

Behind the curtain of the main balcony, Raven Inkwell was currently hyperventilating into a paper bag. As for Celestia, she just stood there and watched her with annoyance rather than concern.

“Would you chill the hell out,” she ordered, “Everything is going to be fine.”

“Everything is not going to be fine!” Raven snapped, “Your sister is going to show up any minute now. And instead of coming up with a plan of your own, you decided to give the work to some random pony.”

“Trust me, Twilight will take care of it,” Celestia explained, “She may not seem like it, but Twilight Sparkle is one of my smartest students. She once sprouted an entire garden’s worth of plants after tinkering around with a simple plant potion.”

“And you really think she can find a way to stop Nightmare Moon after just a few hours?” Raven asked skeptically.

“Of course she can,” Celestia waved off the concern, “So believe me when I say that nothing bad is going to happen.”

As she said that, Princess Celestia then disappeared in a bright flash of blue light.

“...Well shit,” Raven said simply.

“Well shit indeed,” said a sinister voice that had sent a shiver up Raven’s spine.

Back in the main party area

“Yep,” Twilight said to herself, “Everything is going to be just fine.”

“Dramatic irony at its finest,” Pinkie said to no one in particular. Before Twilight could comment, the town’s mayor had stepped out to address her citizens.

“Good evening everypony,” she said, “I hope you’re all enjoying the celebration.”

“What’s up with apple theme in the buffet table?” asked a random pony.

“Y'all try handling the catering in less than a day!” Applejack defended, “Some of us have to try and make sacrifices.”

“...Ok then,” the mayor shrugged off, “Anyway, it is now that I would like to introduce the most important pony of the event. A pony who was made important due to the power of the monarchy. Speaking of, this town is now a monarchy. Because democracy is stupid.”

“What if we want a new mayor?”

“Then I suggest that you stallions better start putting’ a baby in me now,” the mayor said simply, “Now without further ado, allow me to present to you all to the pony of the night. Cue the music!”

All eyes turned towards Fluttershy, who just stood alone on her own balcony.

“Um...so here’s the thing,” she said, “My birds flew away around sunset, and I couldn’t find them in time. So I’m just gonna...um…”

Fluttershy then attempted to mimic the sound of a trumpet, as well as mime out playing the imaginary instrument. Everyone just stared at her with a mix of confusion and disappointment.

“...I’m sorry,” Fluttershy apologizes pathetically.

“...Freakin’ weirdo,” the mayor muttered to herself before facing her citizens again, “Anyway. I present to you all: Princess Celestia!”

The mayor gave Rarity the signal, who then promptly pulled the curtain back to present the princess...only the princess wasn’t there. Everypony gasped as to what they saw, whereas Rarity just looked at them with confusion.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, not noticing the pony behind the curtain, “Is it the design of the ribbons? Heartstrings, I swear to Celestia if you-”

“Swear to me,” said a menacing voice. Rarity finally turned the source of the voice, and her heart sank towards her stomach. Standing before her was a mare just as tall as Princess Celestia. Only she donned dark blue armor with a coat that was as dark as the night’s sky, and her mane waved with the cosmos themselves. The mare stepped around the cowering fashionista as she addressed the terrified ponies before her.

“Greetings my subjects!” she said, “I’m here to bring bad news and worse news. The bad news is that Princess Celestia is no longer your ruler. The worse news is that your new ruler is me. For I am-”

“Princess Luna!”

The mare’s controlled stature soon broke the second she heard that name.

“Who...who said that name?” she asked, “Not to say that is my name. Not even close. For my name is Nightmare Moon! Princess of the eternal night!”

Nightmare Moon looked towards the ponies of Ponyville, only they no longer looked terrified. Instead, they looked confused and a tad bit unimpressed with the self-proclaimed ruler. Nightmare Moon’s mood visibly slumped at the sight of this.

“But seriously though,” she said, “Who is the insufferable worm that stole my thunder?”

“It was me Princess Luna!”

Nightmare Moon scanned through the audience until finally spotting a lavender coated pony who was waving her hoof furiously.

“You there!” she pointed towards Twilight, “Who are you and how do you know that name that still isn’t mine?”

“I’m Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight explained, “I know your name because I’m your sister’s number one pupil. She’s told me a lot about you.”

“I don’t have a sister!” Nightmare Moon said quickly, “Let it be known that Nightmare Moon is an only child! And those who disagree will...wait a minute.”

The malicious monarch then began to glare daggers at Twilight.

“Are you really Celestia’s student?” she growled.

“I sure am!” Twilight said proudly. As for the ponies around her, they soon took a few steps away from Twilight so as not to be associated with her.

"Tell me something Twilight Sparkle," Nightmare said, “Did you know that your ‘teacher’ has banished me to the moon for a thousand years?!”

“I sure did!” Twilight confirmed, “She also said that she had a plan to stop you. But seeing as how you’re still here, I assume you both worked things out fairly and peacefully.”

Nightmare Moon then smiled evilly.

“I guess you could say something like that,” she said, “You see, she banished me to the moon for a thousand years. So I banished her to the moon for a thousand more!”

“Oh,” Twilight said meekly, “That doesn’t sound nice.”

“I don’t know, it seems pretty fair to me,” Nightmare Moon said, “Especially because that makes me the official ruler of Equestria...So are there any questions about my rule? I’m an evil dictator, but a fair at that.”

Surprisingly, only three ponies in the audience raised their hoofs.

“You,” she pointed out, “The rainbow maned one. What’s your question?”

“Will you allow ponies like me to be a part of your royal guard?” Rainbow asked, “More specifically, will you allow ponies like me to take positions regarding your royal guard’s captain.”

“What? No.” Nightmare Moon said plainly, “You’re so tiny, that I could crush you within seconds. I’d imagine it would be quicker for my enemies.”

“In that case: DIE FIEND!” Rainbow charged towards Nightmare Moon, screaming an epic war cry. Unfortunately for her, the princess of the night used her magic to hold back Rainbow Dash within seconds before impact. Rainbow kicked and wreathed, but Nightmare’s magic wouldn’t budge.

“Let it be known that once you let go of me, I introduce you to a world of pain!” Rainbow said threateningly.

“Sure you will tiny,” Nightmare said sarcastically, “Are there any other questions? Preferably ones from ponies who aren’t idiotic.”

Nightmare Moon then scanned the audience once again.

“The pony with the cowboy hat,” she pointed to, “What’s your question?”

“First of all, it’s a Stenson,” Applejack corrected, “Secondly, my question is that if Princess Celestia is really gone, then who’s going to raise the sun?”

“No one,” Nightmare Moon explained menacingly, “For you see, with me in charge, the night shall last forever! That way, everypony will finally appreciate the beauty in the ni-”

“Yeah, Ah’m gonna stop ya right there,” Applejack interrupted, “Ya see farmers, like yours truly, need the sun in order for our crops to grow. Do y’all know how many apple trees need the light of the moon?”

“...Um”

“None, that’s how many. Not only that, but the sun is also an important life source for us. So how exactly are y’all gonna be the princess of the everlasting night if yer subjects aren’t gonna last a week?”

“Um...are there any other questions?” Nightmare asked through a forced smile, “You. The pink one. You have a perfectly normal question, right?”

“Yep,” Pinkie said with a real smile, “My question is who raised the sun and moon before you and Celestia?”

“...What?”

“I mean, I know our whole lore revolves around the fact that the two of you raised the sun and moon together, and the powerful ponies before you did it themselves, but who did before that? Are we seriously left to believe that the sun and moon never existed before those ponies? Or are we supposed to believe that the sun and moon did exist, but neither was raised or lowered? ‘Cause if that’s the case, then who was the asshole that thought he could lower the two things that our world depends on the most?”

“...”

“And while we’re on the topic of the sun and moon, how come both of those things still move naturally?” Pinkie continued, “Sure, you and Princess Celestia raise the sun and moon, but that doesn’t change the fact that they both still follow natural solar and lunar cycles. Do you both just subconsciously move them with your magic? Or, do you both have a spell that once the sun or moon are raised, they will follow the natural cycles?”

“...”

“You did ask if we had any questions,” Pinkie pointed out.

“Didn’t you say that you know everything?” Twilight asked.

“I sure do.”

“So don’t you already know the answers to your questions?”

“Yep.”

“Then why are even asking them in the first place?”

“Because I’m a rascal” Pinkie explained with a grin.

“Would you please stop annoying the evil dictator!” Rarity shouted from the balcony, “The last thing she needs is you idiots pissing her off!”

“Thank you,” Nightmare said, “Finally. Somepony is actually giving me respect.”

“No problem madam,” Rarity said politely, “My name is Rarity, by the way. And let me just say: I personally think the sun is overrated.”

“Exactly!” Nightmare exclaimed, “For so many years I’ve been saying the same thing, but nopony has ever-”

“But if I could just make one itty bitty recommendation,” Rarity suggested, “You should really change your style if you’re serious about ruling over us.”

“...I’m sorry. What?”

“I mean, just look at what you’re wearing,” Rarity explained, “The evil battle armor is just ghastly looking. I nearly fainted just from looking at it.”

“That’s why you looked horrified?!” Nightmare shouted, “I thought you were scared because of my triumphant return!”

“Oh no, I’ve never heard of you until tonight.”

“...WHAT?!”

“Back to the discussion of your outfit,” Rarity continued, “You see, what I’m thinking is maybe something made of silk and a tad bit flamboyant. But don’t worry, I can already tell that you're committed to this whole ‘darkest night’ theme that you’ve got going on here. This is why I’m thinking we stick to the main color scheme, only darker in some places and brighter in others. With enough effort, I can craft something that will say ‘fear me, but respect me as well.” What do you say?”

“...”

“I’ll take your silence as a yes.” Rarity said, “And you’re in luck too. Because I just so happen to own the most exquisite dress shop in all of Equestria. And maybe with a bigger budget, I can get to work on spreading said shop across all of Equestria. That way, all your subjects will be just as sharply dressed as you. Nothing says happy kingdom other than a fashionable kingdom, is what I always say.”

“Are y’all seriously marketing your brand to the evil dictator?!” Applejack asked flabbergasted.

“Well, what else am I supposed to do to the evil dictator?” Rarity countered, “Grovel and pray that she doesn’t destroy me?”

Rarity then turned her attention back to the now shocked Nightmare Moon.

“Now onto the topic of your fangs,” Rarity said, “Are those real, or are they those vampire fangs you can buy at a costume shop? Because if they’re real, don’t worry, I know a stallion who can fix your dentures good as new!”

“...Ok, that’s it,” Nightmare addressed her subjects, “I will rule Equestria in eternal night, but not until I destroy-”

She pointed at Rarity.

“-You-”

She pointed at a struggling Rainbow Dash.

“-you-”

She pointed at Applejack.

“-you-”

She pointed at Pinkie Pie.

“-you-”

She pointed at Twilight.

“-especially you-”

And then pointed at Fluttershy.

“-and also you.”

“What did I do?!” Fluttershy asked.

“Virtually nothing,” Nightmare explained, “You just look weak and pathetic. And I like destroying weak and pathetic things. They make me feel powerful. Like when I was a filly and I burned ants with a magnifying glass.”

Fluttershy sighed in defeat.

“I guess that makes sense.”

“Glad that you understand,” Nightmare faced her subjects, “As for the rest of you, you can just go about your business. I’m going to my castle and prepare the destruction for those who annoy me. Farewell!”

Nightmare Moon then disappeared in a puff of smoke, finally releasing Rainbow Dash in the process.

“Ah-ha! Success!” she said triumphantly. Looking around, Rainbow Dash realized that her capture was no longer in the town hall.

“I will not lie, the majority of my attention was drawn to escaping that villainess' clutches. Will somepony please explain to me what I missed.”

Author's Note

Don't forget to leave suggestions on how I can improve my writing. Better writing = a better story.

Speaking of, tune in next time where Twilight and her friends try to defeat Nightmare Moon by finding magical artifacts that have been long forgotten. It shouldn't be too hard. All they have to do is make it through a forest of death.