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                       Fitting it In                       
                    -by Lofty Withers-                     
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                          Dinner                           
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Dinner
Twilight swallowed her last bite. “She’s missed dinner entirely. Probably got stuck nursing an animal or something. I’d check on her, but I’m about to be late.”
“I’ll take care of it, Twilight. I’m worried about her too.”
“Thanks.”
When Rarity’s sight recovered from the flash of Twilight’s teleportation, she saw the waiter walking away, with the check now on the table. She lifted it and opened her purse, but another flash blinded her.
“Sorry, forgot this.” She dropped a stack of bits on the table, large enough for both their meals.
“That’s not”—another flash, and a sigh—”necessary. I could at least bring Fluttershy something. Waiter!”
——————🦆——————
Rarity wandered through the trees. “Fluttershy? Where are you, dear? Angel Bunny said you were down here.”
The forest floor shifted beside her, and Rarity stepped back as a brown bear rose to tower over her, roaring loudly.
“Harry, hello! Sorry I woke you up, but I didn’t see you sleeping there. Wait, what are you—careful of the mane.” She sighed, waiting to be set down. “Please,” she said, touching up her hair. “I know you like hugs, but a kiss on the cheek would suffice.”
He rubbed an arm, looking down shamefully as he roared.
“Apology accepted. Now, do you know where Fluttershy is? She missed a dinner date with Twilight and me, so I thought I’d bring her something to eat”—she lifted the basket—”and see how she’s doing.”
Harry lifted his nose into the air and sniffed. Roaring, he turned to leave, with Rarity following. He paused a few minutes later at the edge of a meadow with a stream running through it, and pointed.
Rarity stepped out, spotting Fluttershy’s pink mane among the tall, yellow grasses, and turned to the bear. “Thank you, Harry. I’ll be sure to bring you a little something next time I plan to come this way.”
He roared, wandering back into the woods, and Rarity walked towards Fluttershy and the sound of quacking. The grass only came to Rarity’s torso, but Fluttershy knelt in the field, struggling with something, but Rarity couldn’t see what. Ducks or Ducklings, she assumed from the sounds. She stopped and waited for an opening.
“I’ll be right with you, Rarity,” said Fluttershy, not looking up. “Would you hold still. I’m trying to help.”
“It’s okay. Take your time. I was worried you were upset about that date with Noteworthy last night, but I it figured would be something like this, so I brought you dinner.” She lifted the basket, and Fluttershy lifted her head.
“Oh thank goodness. I’ll take a break as soon as I can separate these two.” She ducked back down.
“Take your time.” She leaned forward, but still couldn’t see exactly what was happening. It almost looked like the two ducks were fighting with each other in the tall grass. “What are you doing, anyway.”
“Oh, you don’t want to know.”
“Do you need some help?”
“No, Rarity, please. You don’t want to get involved.”
Rarity leaned in further. “Are they tied together?”
“Something like that.”
“It looks like a knot. Do you want me to fetch some scissors?”
Fluttershy shot up, uttered “No,” and dropped back down.
“It wouldn’t take long.” She peered around. “We’re close to the cottage.”
“I said ‘No.’”
Rarity pushed the grass down, watching as Fluttershy untangled the… things. “What is that?”
“It’s their penises.”
Rarity pulled back. “Excuse me, but I don’t think I heard you.”
She raised her voice. “It’s their penises.”
Rarity blanched. “Their what?”
“You heard me.”
She hesitated, but peered back at the ducks. “That’s not funny, Fluttershy. Those are far too long and twisty. Birds don’t even have penises. I clearly remember you telling me this fact, which I much would have preferred to never know.” She shuddered. “Cloaca doesn’t really make nice conversation at a dinner party.”
“Ducks are an exception.”
“You’re not joking, are you.” Rarity dropped to her rump, but couldn’t look away. “Why are there two of them?”
“If you really must know, they’re both drakes. I think they were trying to rape each other, and they got tangled up. Duck penises are corkscrewed.”
“There is so much wrong with that statement. I mean, corkscrewed. How does that even work? Those things have got to be longer than the ducks. And… rape? That’s horrifying.”
“Eh. Most duck sex is rape. It’s just the way they are. Females developed a corkscrew-shaped vagina to make it more difficult, but the drakes just developed corkscrew penises to compensate, and the females developed their vagina muscles to make it harder to impregnate them during rape, but male penises shoot to full length in the blink of an eye, so I’m not sure how effective that is. I figure these two were trying to rape each other, shot their penises out at the same time, and got tangled. I heard them trying to kill each other, and came over to break them apart.”
Rarity lifted a hoof to cover her mouth.
“Not literally. There, done.” She pushed one towards Rarity. “Could you take him to the far end of the field and let him go? I don’t want them going at each other again after I just went to all this trouble to untangle them.”
Eyes wide, Rarity nodded, dragging the drake in her magic before releasing it, while Fluttershy took the other to the opposite end. They met back up in the middle.
Rarity, a distant look her eyes, chuckled darkly. “Food?”
“Deer lord, yes. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.” Fluttershy reached into the basket and pulled out the sandwich and wine. She took a bite, and noticed Rarity’s horrified gaze.
“I was joking. Shouldn’t you at least wash up first?”
Fluttershy finished chewing, and popped the cork on the wine bottle. She knocked it back, draining over a glassful. “It’s been a day. Noteworthy’s nonsense yesterday was amateur night. If you thought that was bad, ask me about the two drakes I found last spring.”
While Fluttershy took another bite of sandwich, Rarity’s gaze drifted back to where the ducks had been. “I don’t think—”
“One of them was dead.”
“I see. Pass the bottle.”