Author's Note
This is not officially apart of the story, but it can still apply to Cherry's stance on Coastal Swirls by the end of the story.
In all honestly, these messages are meant for my - the author's - ex, and they are self-reminders to myself, especially for my process of re-examining and re-telling my past relationship with my ex.
0 - Epilogue Prologue
It was a disillusion. You were a daydream, a fantasy. I projected the pony I wanted you to be onto whom you were, but you were not that stallion, even though you wanted to be him. You hurt me - constantly - even when you believed you were not. I was in-love with a broken image, a false hope. Thankfully, I have been able to recognize that and now emotionally, I am letting you go. Bye Coast… I loved you with all my heart, but unfortunately, no amount of love alone will fix you.
You never genuinely loved me because you have not experienced love. You were infatuated in me, in what I had to give you. To some extent, you could say the same thing about me, but I never gave up on you or us, until I realized there was no saving to be had. You are too far gone to save. You have to be able to save yourself, otherwise you will be messed up for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, due to your past environment and circumstances, you are too far gone to be able to save yourself, so it seems you are doomed to a life of suffering... it makes sense why you were so suicidal now...
It did not matter how many times I repeated myself about something that was bothering me because yes, "you did listen", but you never internalized what I was telling you (and you most likely never will because you are simply unable to), and that is why I kept repeating myself. No matter how many times I told you, you never applied it. So I kept trying to tell you, holding onto any hope that you would legitimately listen, but no, it never worked and it never will work.
I have been told it is in my own best interest to no longer be in-contact with you... because of everything that has happened, and I have gotten across why I no longer wanted to be in-contact with you already. I do not want to say goodbye nor block you out of my life, but it seems to be the best thing to do right now.. if in the future, given time, you work through your past and your not-so-great behaviors, we can look into possibilities then. Otherwise, I will talk to you in the future. I wish the best of luck to you and I hope you make progress (also, please do not jump into another relationship. If you seek to solve your inner conflicts by having your own needs met through other people, you will never improve (and under that logic, we will never be able to get back together again).).
Right now, it's best to just let him go. He could change in the future, but it's safer to assume he won't because I won't be hanging onto false hope. The last thing I want is to not give him the opportunity to be in-contact me, but if nothing changes, I shouldn't let him hang around like trash needing to be thrown out. Hopefully eventually he changes, but until he does though, I should not allow him to hang around because it is going to hold me back, preventing me from healing properly and fully.
He gave me a false sense of security, so that he could keep me all to himself to meet all his needs for him, causing me to put his needs above mine; my needs were never the priority, although he likes to paint the picture that they always were the priority (probably because his needs were never getting enough attention (HPD), but in his current state, they never will).
I do not deserve to be treated the way he treated me. I deserve to be loved by someone that I do not need to meet their needs in-order to be loved back.
That motherfucker is broken and he tried to break me in-order to fix himself.
He didn’t think about how he reacted to things would affect me, he was too focused on himself to fully realize how bad he hurt me. He wasn't concerned about how he affected me.
No about of love will ever be enough to satiate you or make you feel full. You will constantly need more. You are only able to give when you are able to.
