22 Short Films About Fallout: Equestriaby hahatimeforponiesChaptersThe Long MorningThe Midas TouchThe Road Not TravelledThe Secret IngredientThe Long MorningMy head pounded. No matter which way I turned, the sheets felt like microwaved cobwebs. My mouth felt like it was full of glue. I had been asleep, but I was in too much pain to return to sleep. Yep. Hangover. In vain, I tried lifting the sheets and waving them to get them feeling fresher, and maybe try sleeping face down, because like a dumbass, I'd forgotten to close the curtains before throwing myself in bed, so the morning sun was working against me. This was when I noticed far more resistance than I was expecting. I yanked, tugged, squirmed in my bleary stupor, nothing got it free. It even pulled back. Well excuse me, bedsheets, far be it from me to want to get halfway comfortable when all I wish for is oblivion. I reluctantly winched open one eye to try and locate the blockage. That blockage turned out to be another pony. My stomach sank (and not just because I had like, a 10-15% desire to barf). I gave the sheet another, firmer pull, and it got a reaction at least. The lump in bed next to me turned over, rolling up in the sheets some more, like some kind of concussed silkworm. Then I screamed. Then my startled bedmate screamed. Then I, also startled, screamed again, and fell off the side of the bed. I didn't want to get up. Just... shitty pre-war ceiling, collapse on me now, please. It would be preferable to getting up and facing the reality of what had somehow happened last night. No such luck befell me, so with a groan and a new reason to feel dizzy, I peeled myself from the floor and reluctantly peered on to the bed, where Shooting Stars stared out from her bedsheet cocoon like she was about to be eaten by a bear. I opened my mouth, but all that came out was an inarticulate croak. "We didn't, did we?" She sounded like I felt. "I think we did," I gargled. Stars groaned, and buried her face in the pillows, like that would be the most expedient method of death. "Get out." "Uh..." I rubbed my eyes and looked around. "I think this is my house." "Shit." "Like, my old house. The one I sold when I fucked off to San Palomino." Stars looked up, jaw agape. "What." I couldn't hold it anymore. I snickered. "Yeah, we're in someone else's house. I must have led us back here by memory." "How even..." "Listen." I stood up. That was a mistake. "I'm not exactly thrilled about this development either, let's just figure out what happened over a nice cup of tea, and then we can just agree to never mention this again, okay?" "You're going to steal a stranger's tea?" I snorted. Ow. "We just broke into their house and shagged on their bed, and they also evidently aren't here, and you draw the line at borrowing some tea?" Stars huffed and wrinkled her nose at me. Yeah, okay. She's cute. I can see how we got into this mess. Sort of. "Fine." I returned to the bedroom about fifteen minutes later. I still wanted to expire, but I'd at least located some water to chug while I waited for the kettle to boil. I couldn't find milk - or at least, any milk that wasn't cheese at this point - so black tea it'd be. I found a tray to bring two steaming mugs in, along with some water for Stars. I mean, might as well. When I entered, Stars had located her glasses, and was sitting up in bed, having fixed all of the sheets, and tidied up some mess that I didn't even know was there until it wasn't. The tea floated away, and she sipped with a glare. "The water's yours too." "What?" "I had some already. Take it." She squinted. "That's uncharacteristically considerate of you." I chuckled. "Either we somehow got to bed without me saying anything about what I got up to on the mainland, or it's just been bleached out by alcohol." "What could possibly have happened in that time that made you act like... y'know." I sighed. "Not a fucking psychopath?" "Yeah." She was still looking at me like I was going to stab her at any moment. I pulled a smirk, and sipped my tea. "Stars, it's been like, five years. I was a shithead when I was 19." "A shithead that did a lot of murdering." "Politically convenient murdering, mostly. And don't pretend you didn't have a bash yourself." Her eyes narrowed, and she slammed her tea on the bedside table, spilling half of it on the floor. "Don't you fucking dare equate those, I was emotionally compromised, you just killed whoever happened to be in the way! I'm amazed you weren't fucking gunned down the second you got off the boat!" I closed my eyes and put a hoof up until she stopped yelling. Her accent really slipped in. "I understand." She snorted. "The only thing you understand is the quickest way to blow someone's head off!" "No, I..." I rubbed the back of my head. "I have a brother." "Yeah like- what?" "He's ten years older than me, and a Paladin in the San Cimarron Steel Rangers." Stars squinted. "You got the name right. What have you done with Atom Smasher?" I smiled, and looked at the floor. "That's what I was doing over there. Big weird family reunion in the desert. He left when I was a kid to go looking for our dad. It's kinda what messed me up." "Sob story as an excuse, real classy." "No, what I mean is..." I held my mouth open as I looked for the words. "I didn't realise what you were going through when Comet died, until I had someone in my life who cared about me. Who just also happened to be my Paladin older brother." Stars' scowl softened. "I mean, I didn't lose him or anything, he's actually come over with me and his wife, but I just never had that connection before. Everyone in the stable wanted to pretend I didn't exist, and everyone topside over here was..." I chuckled darkly. "I just fuckin' used people, Stars. I didn't have a single damn meaningful connection with another person from age 9 to age 21." "I'm starting to see how we ended up in this mess." I flashed a smirk. "Is it because you're cute and have a soft spot for waifs and strays?" "No!" She scrunched her nose behind her mug. I barely contained a laugh. "I mean, I'd assumed we'd just had angry sex..." "I mean, that's also possible. What's the last thing you remember?" "Uh..." She rubbed her forehead. "Dark... loud... pub? Not sure why I was in a pub. I have no idea how we got drinking together since my gut reaction to seeing you again would probably have been to turn you into geological ejecta, but here we are. Still is a little bit, but y'know..." "Listen, I don't blame you. You had to put up with a very weird week in my life, and I'm sorry." "Apologising? You must be still drunk." I laughed. "Nope, definitely well into the aftermath. Let's see, there was the... I think I was already drinking by the pub, Rainbow and Ivy went back to their camp with... oh fuck." "What?" Is that genuine concern? I paused. "It's probably fine. My dog. I think I left him with my brother when I went to the pub but I'm not sure." "You have a dog? Again?" I sniffed and smiled. "Yep. And he's pitch black. And he's called Nevada." Stars rolled her eyes. "Of course." "He's a dog-dog, not a coal puppy. He's the best boy though." "Save it, please, I've had enough of your big black dogs for one lifetime." I laughed. "He's not here, I'm just worried about him." Stars said nothing, and started on the water. "So what's been going on over here in the mean time? I've been monopolising things." "Oh, not... not much." She looked aside. "Things have kinda settled down. I've been spending most of my time picking through Enclave salvage from the battle of Manechester." "Just kinda married to your work?" "A little." "That's cool." "I don't much like... going outside these days. It's a lot less dangerous than it used to be but I just..." I frowned. "That's my fault, isn't it?" She nodded, then tilted her head. "Old you." "Still me." "I mean... I've seen people change a lot less in five years." I shrugged. I finished my tea. Was never that big a fan of black tea. "Say... do you think..." She paused again. "Could I meet your brother?" I squinted. "Probably, I mean, I thought you wanted to be done with me as quickly as possible..." "I want..." She stopped and cleared her throat. "I'd like to move on. Not... hide from the past. Confront it." She smiled. "I guess it's... kinda lucky we bumped into each other again, or I might not have gotten the chance to." I sat on the bed. "I'll take your word for it." I heard a clock ticking somewhere. "While we're here, wanna cuddle?" The scowl returned. "No." "Suit yourself." The Midas Touch"There's someone at the window." "The window?" Rainbow Code took a big breath in. "Yep. The window. There's... there's a few of them actually." Ivy Bells squinted to Rainbow, then at me. I shrugged. "Do they... do they know the inn is open? They can just like... come inside?" He took a moment to respond. "I don't think they're coming to stay." I got up to take a look. Nevada jumped on my chair in my absence. Rainbow stepped aside, and let me look through the grotty net curtains. "A few, you say?" I turned around and he gave me a constipated grimace. "What do they want?" Ivy said. She looked a little worried, but mostly confused. Rainbow shrugged. Nevada bapped the back of the chair with his tail as he wagged it. I sighed, and turned to go to my room. "They're here for me. Lemme just... try and sort this out." This did not do much to enlighten Ivy, who looked at me slackjawed as I disappeared up the stairs. Nevada, I later discovered, polished off what was left of my eggs. I opened the upstairs window of my room to take in a soggy morning in Warreington village. It was a charming little place, most of the settlement wedged between two canals for defensive purposes, and built upwards. Pleasing verticality for a duck like myself. I have to say, the place has really gotten nice while I've been away. Ground water still trickled, but the sky was clearing up. Have I mentioned that I really missed the rain? Like, constant off-and-on drizzle. Maybe it's the pegasus instinct to hang out in clouds. Oh, also, about three dozen ponies gathered outside the inn cheered when I poked my head out. "What do you want?" I yelled. "We need you!" someone called back from the front of the crowd. I frowned. "What for?" "I lost my wedding ring in the woods the other day!" someone shouted. "The canals up at St. Haylans have glowing goo in them!" another wailed. "Enclave remnants have taken over the train interchange at Croup!" a third squealed. I glanced around the crowd. I opened my mouth, then closed it again. "Is that it?" "There's raiders up in-" "Okay, I wasn't actually asking." "But you... you did ask..." the previous petitioner said with a bit of a sulking kick of the floor. I put my hoof on my forehead for a second. "You weren't waiting for me to fix all these problems, were you?" Warreington town centre, for a painful moment, fell silent. "Maybe." "Fuck's sake," I muttered. "Go away, I'm on me holidays. I don't live here anymore." "But you're the Saint from the Stable!" Of course, it was a child on his dad's back. I glared at the dad. Kid had probably only heard stories, which is probably for the better. "And I can't be in fifteen places at once. Like..." I sighed. What the fuck is my life. "Listen guys, I don't know what you're expecting from me. Y'know you can... investigate some of these problems yourselves, right? I'm not magic. You don't have to wait for some punk delinquent like me to show up to check out polluted rivers or whatever." Silence. "Okay, it's possible that I'll solve some of your problems incidentally while I'm here, b-" Uproarious cheering cut me off. Fucking hell. "But no promises, okay? On me holidays. Lower your expectations. The Rangers are right the hell over there, like, I can literally see their front door from this window." "They kinda suck though," said the kid. "They're also going to still be here a month from now. Now get out of here. I'm having me breakfast." Silence, but more. I gestured wildly for them to move. Nothing. I sighed, and just went inside. A shower would drive them away sooner or later. I stomped down the stairs and slumped back into my chair. Nevada, egg on his face, leapt off the chair, and then back into my lap, looking for pets. I smiled, and promptly shoved him off so I could get back to the table. At least he hadn't gotten into my juice. "Is... everything okay?" Ivy said, behind the same mug of coffee with the same bewildered twist of her eyebrows. "When I was younger, being famous was a real rush. Now it's just kind of exhausting. I can't go outside without people looking for miracles when I just want to like... hang out with my dog." Rainbow frowned. "We wouldn't be here without your reputation, though." "I guess, but I could do without the expectations." The Road Not TravelledI woke restlessly. How could I not? It was always way too bright. You'd think there'd be a thriving eyemask business up here, but I guess they're all used to it. The cushions were second to none, though. Perfectly malleable, never tangles, so breathable you can lie face down in your pillow and be completely fine. As long as you do the sensible thing and go to bed when the sun goes down, a night in the clouds is the best night's sleep you'll ever get. Unfortunately, I was not sensible, and as soft as the bedding could be, I found myself wrenching my eyes shut and stuffing my face into the mattress in an effort to get another five minutes' rest. There wasn't enough booze to go around to leave me with a proper hangover this morning, but there was enough to keep me up to an insensible hour. A hoof travelled from the base of my wing up to the hairline of my crest. "Time to get up, babe?" "No. Sun can piss off." Thunder Blitz chuckled, scratching behind my ear like I was a cat. She knew what I liked, and knew when to use it against me. "I know you were a cave bat, Atom, but I think this is your own fault." "Shut up and snuggle me." "Now you're talking." The cloud shifted as she climbed on it by my tail, and then crawled around behind me. It bounced when she dropped at my back. Then her weight rolled against me, and her nose found its way to my cheekbone. I reached for the hoof curling around my stomach, and curled around it in turn. She did that thing with her wings where she wiggled the pinions up the front of my chest and interlocked her feathers around my whole body from the waist down, and I didn't want to be anywhere else. "Hey Blitzy," I asked at some point. Two minutes later? Twenty minutes? No idea. "What time is it?" She squeezed me, and kissed my cheek from behind. "Like, eleven or something." "Shit!" I scrambled out of her grasp and out of the side of the bed. I landed with a soft non-noise, and started looking around. "I'm so late for my watch. Shit fuck shit." "Atom..." I staggered around our room. My balance hadn't caught up yet, never mind my eyes burning. "Where's my uniform? Agh, it's probably not clean, they're gonna kill me..." "Atom, it's Saturday." "Do you think they- what?" I looked back at her, sprawled across our bed with a knowing smirk. She looked like a lifeguard, or an acrobat. She had that lean muscle that concealed the power in her body in a petite frame. I was the lap cat, but she was the panther. Sometimes I didn't know what she saw in me. "It's Saturday, babe. You're not on duty until tomorrow." I squinted out the window. I couldn't see, the sun was that way. "Fuck. So it is." I rubbed between my eyes and sauntered back to the bed. "Well I'm up now." "I got you coffee. It might be cold by now, though." I looked at the bedside table. I felt the mug. "It's fine." Black, weak, barely sugared. "One of these days I've gotta steal you some surface stuff. It's just so much better." "Careful who you say that around, babe." Blitz looked at me like I was casually suggesting a crime against the state. Which, to be fair, I was. "It'll be a secret surprise for you, love." After a sip, I set the mug aside and slipped into bed again. She had a kiss waiting for me when I got in. "So what did you get up to last night? I didn't see you when I came in." "I left the watering hole an hour before you did, genius." "Tired?" "A little. And I knew you'd be waking up in a state today." "Blitz, I don't need you to mother me, holy fuck." "Yeah, but you like people taking care of you." She smiled and kissed the end of my nose. I scrunched it, and stuck out my tongue. "Have I ever told you how weird it sounds when you say phrases you picked up from me in your accent?" She squinted. "Like what?" "'In a state'. Like, it's just words, but it sounds wrong for some reason. Or like, 'bloody'. Say 'bloody'." "Bloody?" "Well like, if I say 'bloody hell' it just seems natural. But when you say it it's like... I dunno." "Bloody hell... bloody hell." She went cross-eyed. I giggled and brushed her cowlick out of her eyes. "Now the words have just stopped meaning anything." "Then how about you shut up and kiss me?" I licked my lips. She rolled her eyes and squeezed my middle, then begrudgingly gave me what I wanted. We let another twenty minutes pass in bed, and my coffee really did go cold. With the sun high above the complex, the light became more diffuse, and it became easier to sleep. However, if I linger on the details of the room, I'll just go back to waxing lyrical about cloud beds, and how the way the breeze passes right through it is perfect for trying to sleep through hot Neighvarro afternoons. "Unfortunately babe, I do have duty today." I squeezed her the instant she tried to pry me off and get up. "No. Your duty is to cuddle me, soldier." "I outrank you, babe." She stunned me with a brief smooch on the lips, and slipped out, letting her wingtips linger on my chest as she rolled gracefully on to the floor. She yawned and stretched, and stole some of my coffee on her way to the wardrobe. I didn't mind. I had a stretch myself as she dressed. I must have zoned out, because I feel like she did it pretty damn quick. She was in light battle armour, battle saddle at the ready. I was pretty sure we didn't keep that in our quarters? That was odd. "Uhh... when did..." "Hey, toss me the guns, will you babe?" she said, as she casually tightened her boots. "Guns? We don't have arms in our..." Blitz laughed. "They're above the bed. Man, you really are asleep, Atom." I looked up. There were four sunburst rifles hanging on the wall. Baffled, I took one down, tentatively. It was well-worn. Both of them were. "What duty were you on today again?" "Oh, we're glassing some ground-pounder village, it's no biggie. You gonna give me those blasties, or am I gonna have to take 'em over your corpse?" Two, four... seven... I stopped bothering to count at eleven notches on the barrel. "I'm sorry, what?" "Give me the rifles, Atom." She flashed me a glare like a displeased teacher. "Oh, not that one, that one's yours. Do wake up, babe." My mind raced. Something was definitely wrong. I threw it aside and rolled out of bed, stumbling to the kitchen. "Well fine, don't be my accomplice to genocide," Blitz snorted. The Enclave flag hung next to the San Palomino province flag on the wall by the door to the lounge. The starred E decorated our mugs, our chairs, everything that wouldn't be obviously gauche to adorn it with, and a few things that were. The bottom of my stomach fell from the clouds, and I lost control of my breathing. The overwhelming wrongness of this place overpowered my sense of balance, and I tipped out the window, my wings too stunned to catch me. I flinched, and fought to be free of the sheets. Nevada didn't help, since he was standing on top of me, trying to lick my face. I love the boy, but I had to push him off the bed just to be able to breathe. The little angel jumped right back on and circled around my back, whacking his dusty tail against my shoulder. I had a bit of a headache, troubled sleep aside. In fact, maybe they were related. I looked around. Drizzle peppered the window of the guest house, with the shacks of the Warreington skyline outside. It looked like early morning, but with the cloud cover, it was difficult to tell. I rubbed my eyes and stood up. Nevada stayed close by my heels, and only tripped me up once. I was the first one awake, so I helped myself to some juice and bread. I'm sure they wouldn't mind me raiding the kitchen. It was nearly an hour before anyone else came down, and I tried not to think. I didn't feel like sleeping, but I sure was tired, so I just slumped on the grotty armchairs in the half-light with the radio, entertaining more idle thoughts. I should really see what Tribute is up to these days. The radio is still going, after all. And how the hell did I stumble into my old place the other day if I'm staying in Warreington? Colton is at least five hours on foot from here. Rainbow Code, the first riser in the building after me, looked like he was looking around for the innkeeper to see if breakfast was ready, and coming up short. I slumped over the side of the chair, and Nevada went over to greet him. "Hey," I said. Wow, that was a croak. I should have had more than just some warm juice. "Oh, morning Atom. Wasn't expecting you down so early." "Neither was I." He chuckled. "So, no breakfast yet?" "Y'know they don't keep the kitchen locked?" He glared at me. "S'just facts, mate. I'm not telling you to do anything." He shook his head, and turned his attention to Nevada, who was enjoying a good belly scratch. "Say, uh..." I licked my lips and thought about what to say. Rainbow, bless him, waited patiently, looking at me while he rubbed my dog right where it got his leg kicking. "Do you ever think about Valkyrie's offer?" His gaze drifted for a moment. "Not very often." "Do you ever dream about it?" "Can't say I have. Not that I remember. Did you?" After a guilty pause, I nodded. "I wouldn't dwell on it. We both made the right choice." "I know." Nevada, now that Rainbow was giving me his full attention, got up and wandered back to me, parking his nose on my lap. Duty-bound, I petted. "Still, it's... interesting to think about what could have been." The Secret Ingredient"Okay, running through the check list. Flour?" Rainbow looked up from the tattered cookbook and blew the fringe out of his eyes. It took him a couple of attempts. I tapped my hoof on every other thing on the countertop until I found the bag of white powder. "Check!" His eyes lingered on me with a smirk. "Eggs?" "Yes." There was still a white feather in my hair from the morning. "Milk?" "It's probably still fine." "We're baking it, it should be okay. Butter?" "Also here." "Sugar?" "Yep!" "And fruit." I span the can in the air once, before catching it on a hoof. "Best before August 22nd!" "What year?" He let the book slap on the counter. "It's probably fine." He gave me a sceptical quirk of the eyebrow. "Probably. So, first we set the oven to... Gas Mark 3." "Oh, you mean we don't just fry it?" "No, Atom, that's not how you bake a cake." I shrugged, and gave the rusted old fire hazard a slap. It needed it to get running. The owners of my old house were still nowhere to be found, so I'm sure they wouldn't mind if we borrowed their kitchen for the afternoon to get a bit sentimental with mum's old recipe book. It looked like the oven hadn't been used since I was in the place either. "That's firing up now." "Okay, next we grease the..." Rainbow squinted at the book. "Mum, your writing is terrible... I think it's meant to say 'grease the tin with butter' but it looks like 'grease the un wa buur'." "I can tell this is already going great." "You do that, I'll... 'weigh the fruit into a bowl?' We know how much fruit we have..." He scrunched his nose up and muttered the next instruction. "Mix up the butter, eggs, milk, jam, sugar, flour and spice?" "Did you read this before we started?" "I read the ingredients on the assumption that all the ingredients we needed were in that list. Y'know, like a sensible recipe." I snorted. "So what are we gonna do about spice? Does it say what it is?" He flipped back through the book, then stopped when he noticed some of the sticky tabs starting to come loose. "I think just anything that'll give it a little kick should be fine." I pulled a cupboard open and peeked through the jars. No pepper, no cinnamon, no chili... Hmm. "Curry powder do?" "Maybe just a pinch." "Pinch away, dude." I tossed the jar over to him. He wasn't too happy about having to catch it. He grumbled, but he let me get on with 'greasing the tin'. The tin... could have used a wash. I didn't have time to give it more than a rinse and a quick scrub, because Rainbow was busy fighting the ingredients in the bowl with a fork, and at some point he was going to pour it on the tin, ready or not. After all, we couldn't completely discount the possibility that we'd have to rapidly vacate the premises. "Did you use all the butter?" "Not all of it." I put my hoof on the tin to stop it sliding. "Do we have any cake mix left?" "Yeah," Rainbow said, plaintively wiping a glob of batter off his nose. "You gonna..." I held the tin, and he lifted the bowl. The tin slipped out of my hooves and across the counter, flipped up on the sink, and then stuck to the window with a wet slap. "Did you grease both sides of the tin?" "Not on purpose," "How do you accidentally smear butter on the bottom of a baking tray?" "Listen, it was slippery, and I dropped it in the stick, I..." The tin clattered into the sink. Rainbow put the bowl down and laughed into his foreleg on the counter. "Get the tray." The oven wasn't amazingly warm when we put it in, which was good, because I feel like we would have burned ourselves on it. Rainbow had a fine old time trying to clean up the counter without getting egg and milk on the cookbook, while I winded myself on the sink cleaning butter off the window from the inside. We couldn't remember exactly where all the ingredients belonged, and the jar lids for the sugar and the curry powder were identical for some reason, so hopefully we weren't in for a spicy cuppa once we were all done with this. The recipe said to cook for an hour and fifteen minutes, which we used to cover the evidence of our breaking and entering. I double-checked the bedroom, because the morning I woke up there with Stars, I wasn't exactly in the mood to do much tidying. That said, I had no idea what the place was like before I got there, so it's entirely possible these hapless sods are going to come back to a house that's tidier than when they left it. Maybe then we can bill them for it. When we checked on the cake, it had spread flat around the tin, was dark all over the top, and the oven was hazy with smoke. I was pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen, but Rainbow insisted that if we opened the oven too soon, the cake would collapse, according to the book. He changed his mind five minutes later when smoke started pouring out around the oven door. After we were done coughing and nearly burning ourselves on the tray trying to get it to the counter, we allowed our freshly-baked slab of concrete to cool for ten minutes before attempting to cut it. On some level, we knew as we made the tea that the thing was going to be inedible. We lived in hope until Rainbow tried to cut the thing, and the knife gave way first. "Do you think they'll enjoy their new doorstop?" Rainbow spluttered into his tea as we sat at the counter. "We're not leaving this thing here, Atom." "Then what the hell are we going to do with it?" "Throw it out, obviously." "If you put that thing in a rubbish compactor it's going to break it." "Side of the road. It's fine." "Of course! A slab this tough will be a perfect durable road surface material." At this point, Rainbow put his hoof in my face and moved it around until I put my tea down and shoved him off. "So what went wrong?" "I think mum's recipe might be crap." "Well it wasn't hers, she copied it down from yonks ago." I scratched my chin. "Y'know, it was probably a lot easier to find just what you needed before the war." "How out of date was that fruit? 180, 190 years?" "I think we've only made the fruit less edible." "Inn't you supposed to have yeast when you're baking?" "Asking the wrong pony. Wouldn't it have said so?" Rainbow shrugged. "Y'think dad had this much trouble with these recipes?" "I hope so." He thumped my shoulder. "He had like, a decade to practice." "True. Maybe we should have just done a stew or something easy." I took a long sip of tea, regarding our new pavement slab. "Nah, I'm glad we tried. I mean, we're still cake-less, but it was something different. It's something nice, not just survival food." "Hm. That's a good point." We finished our tea around the same time, and came away with a similar grimace. I could only guess he'd found the same thing I did at the bottom of the mug. "We got the sugar and curry lids mixed up, didn't we?" He spat into the mug and coughed a couple of times. "Fuckin' hell, we did."
The Long MorningMy head pounded. No matter which way I turned, the sheets felt like microwaved cobwebs. My mouth felt like it was full of glue. I had been asleep, but I was in too much pain to return to sleep. Yep. Hangover. In vain, I tried lifting the sheets and waving them to get them feeling fresher, and maybe try sleeping face down, because like a dumbass, I'd forgotten to close the curtains before throwing myself in bed, so the morning sun was working against me. This was when I noticed far more resistance than I was expecting. I yanked, tugged, squirmed in my bleary stupor, nothing got it free. It even pulled back. Well excuse me, bedsheets, far be it from me to want to get halfway comfortable when all I wish for is oblivion. I reluctantly winched open one eye to try and locate the blockage. That blockage turned out to be another pony. My stomach sank (and not just because I had like, a 10-15% desire to barf). I gave the sheet another, firmer pull, and it got a reaction at least. The lump in bed next to me turned over, rolling up in the sheets some more, like some kind of concussed silkworm. Then I screamed. Then my startled bedmate screamed. Then I, also startled, screamed again, and fell off the side of the bed. I didn't want to get up. Just... shitty pre-war ceiling, collapse on me now, please. It would be preferable to getting up and facing the reality of what had somehow happened last night. No such luck befell me, so with a groan and a new reason to feel dizzy, I peeled myself from the floor and reluctantly peered on to the bed, where Shooting Stars stared out from her bedsheet cocoon like she was about to be eaten by a bear. I opened my mouth, but all that came out was an inarticulate croak. "We didn't, did we?" She sounded like I felt. "I think we did," I gargled. Stars groaned, and buried her face in the pillows, like that would be the most expedient method of death. "Get out." "Uh..." I rubbed my eyes and looked around. "I think this is my house." "Shit." "Like, my old house. The one I sold when I fucked off to San Palomino." Stars looked up, jaw agape. "What." I couldn't hold it anymore. I snickered. "Yeah, we're in someone else's house. I must have led us back here by memory." "How even..." "Listen." I stood up. That was a mistake. "I'm not exactly thrilled about this development either, let's just figure out what happened over a nice cup of tea, and then we can just agree to never mention this again, okay?" "You're going to steal a stranger's tea?" I snorted. Ow. "We just broke into their house and shagged on their bed, and they also evidently aren't here, and you draw the line at borrowing some tea?" Stars huffed and wrinkled her nose at me. Yeah, okay. She's cute. I can see how we got into this mess. Sort of. "Fine." I returned to the bedroom about fifteen minutes later. I still wanted to expire, but I'd at least located some water to chug while I waited for the kettle to boil. I couldn't find milk - or at least, any milk that wasn't cheese at this point - so black tea it'd be. I found a tray to bring two steaming mugs in, along with some water for Stars. I mean, might as well. When I entered, Stars had located her glasses, and was sitting up in bed, having fixed all of the sheets, and tidied up some mess that I didn't even know was there until it wasn't. The tea floated away, and she sipped with a glare. "The water's yours too." "What?" "I had some already. Take it." She squinted. "That's uncharacteristically considerate of you." I chuckled. "Either we somehow got to bed without me saying anything about what I got up to on the mainland, or it's just been bleached out by alcohol." "What could possibly have happened in that time that made you act like... y'know." I sighed. "Not a fucking psychopath?" "Yeah." She was still looking at me like I was going to stab her at any moment. I pulled a smirk, and sipped my tea. "Stars, it's been like, five years. I was a shithead when I was 19." "A shithead that did a lot of murdering." "Politically convenient murdering, mostly. And don't pretend you didn't have a bash yourself." Her eyes narrowed, and she slammed her tea on the bedside table, spilling half of it on the floor. "Don't you fucking dare equate those, I was emotionally compromised, you just killed whoever happened to be in the way! I'm amazed you weren't fucking gunned down the second you got off the boat!" I closed my eyes and put a hoof up until she stopped yelling. Her accent really slipped in. "I understand." She snorted. "The only thing you understand is the quickest way to blow someone's head off!" "No, I..." I rubbed the back of my head. "I have a brother." "Yeah like- what?" "He's ten years older than me, and a Paladin in the San Cimarron Steel Rangers." Stars squinted. "You got the name right. What have you done with Atom Smasher?" I smiled, and looked at the floor. "That's what I was doing over there. Big weird family reunion in the desert. He left when I was a kid to go looking for our dad. It's kinda what messed me up." "Sob story as an excuse, real classy." "No, what I mean is..." I held my mouth open as I looked for the words. "I didn't realise what you were going through when Comet died, until I had someone in my life who cared about me. Who just also happened to be my Paladin older brother." Stars' scowl softened. "I mean, I didn't lose him or anything, he's actually come over with me and his wife, but I just never had that connection before. Everyone in the stable wanted to pretend I didn't exist, and everyone topside over here was..." I chuckled darkly. "I just fuckin' used people, Stars. I didn't have a single damn meaningful connection with another person from age 9 to age 21." "I'm starting to see how we ended up in this mess." I flashed a smirk. "Is it because you're cute and have a soft spot for waifs and strays?" "No!" She scrunched her nose behind her mug. I barely contained a laugh. "I mean, I'd assumed we'd just had angry sex..." "I mean, that's also possible. What's the last thing you remember?" "Uh..." She rubbed her forehead. "Dark... loud... pub? Not sure why I was in a pub. I have no idea how we got drinking together since my gut reaction to seeing you again would probably have been to turn you into geological ejecta, but here we are. Still is a little bit, but y'know..." "Listen, I don't blame you. You had to put up with a very weird week in my life, and I'm sorry." "Apologising? You must be still drunk." I laughed. "Nope, definitely well into the aftermath. Let's see, there was the... I think I was already drinking by the pub, Rainbow and Ivy went back to their camp with... oh fuck." "What?" Is that genuine concern? I paused. "It's probably fine. My dog. I think I left him with my brother when I went to the pub but I'm not sure." "You have a dog? Again?" I sniffed and smiled. "Yep. And he's pitch black. And he's called Nevada." Stars rolled her eyes. "Of course." "He's a dog-dog, not a coal puppy. He's the best boy though." "Save it, please, I've had enough of your big black dogs for one lifetime." I laughed. "He's not here, I'm just worried about him." Stars said nothing, and started on the water. "So what's been going on over here in the mean time? I've been monopolising things." "Oh, not... not much." She looked aside. "Things have kinda settled down. I've been spending most of my time picking through Enclave salvage from the battle of Manechester." "Just kinda married to your work?" "A little." "That's cool." "I don't much like... going outside these days. It's a lot less dangerous than it used to be but I just..." I frowned. "That's my fault, isn't it?" She nodded, then tilted her head. "Old you." "Still me." "I mean... I've seen people change a lot less in five years." I shrugged. I finished my tea. Was never that big a fan of black tea. "Say... do you think..." She paused again. "Could I meet your brother?" I squinted. "Probably, I mean, I thought you wanted to be done with me as quickly as possible..." "I want..." She stopped and cleared her throat. "I'd like to move on. Not... hide from the past. Confront it." She smiled. "I guess it's... kinda lucky we bumped into each other again, or I might not have gotten the chance to." I sat on the bed. "I'll take your word for it." I heard a clock ticking somewhere. "While we're here, wanna cuddle?" The scowl returned. "No." "Suit yourself."
The Midas Touch"There's someone at the window." "The window?" Rainbow Code took a big breath in. "Yep. The window. There's... there's a few of them actually." Ivy Bells squinted to Rainbow, then at me. I shrugged. "Do they... do they know the inn is open? They can just like... come inside?" He took a moment to respond. "I don't think they're coming to stay." I got up to take a look. Nevada jumped on my chair in my absence. Rainbow stepped aside, and let me look through the grotty net curtains. "A few, you say?" I turned around and he gave me a constipated grimace. "What do they want?" Ivy said. She looked a little worried, but mostly confused. Rainbow shrugged. Nevada bapped the back of the chair with his tail as he wagged it. I sighed, and turned to go to my room. "They're here for me. Lemme just... try and sort this out." This did not do much to enlighten Ivy, who looked at me slackjawed as I disappeared up the stairs. Nevada, I later discovered, polished off what was left of my eggs. I opened the upstairs window of my room to take in a soggy morning in Warreington village. It was a charming little place, most of the settlement wedged between two canals for defensive purposes, and built upwards. Pleasing verticality for a duck like myself. I have to say, the place has really gotten nice while I've been away. Ground water still trickled, but the sky was clearing up. Have I mentioned that I really missed the rain? Like, constant off-and-on drizzle. Maybe it's the pegasus instinct to hang out in clouds. Oh, also, about three dozen ponies gathered outside the inn cheered when I poked my head out. "What do you want?" I yelled. "We need you!" someone called back from the front of the crowd. I frowned. "What for?" "I lost my wedding ring in the woods the other day!" someone shouted. "The canals up at St. Haylans have glowing goo in them!" another wailed. "Enclave remnants have taken over the train interchange at Croup!" a third squealed. I glanced around the crowd. I opened my mouth, then closed it again. "Is that it?" "There's raiders up in-" "Okay, I wasn't actually asking." "But you... you did ask..." the previous petitioner said with a bit of a sulking kick of the floor. I put my hoof on my forehead for a second. "You weren't waiting for me to fix all these problems, were you?" Warreington town centre, for a painful moment, fell silent. "Maybe." "Fuck's sake," I muttered. "Go away, I'm on me holidays. I don't live here anymore." "But you're the Saint from the Stable!" Of course, it was a child on his dad's back. I glared at the dad. Kid had probably only heard stories, which is probably for the better. "And I can't be in fifteen places at once. Like..." I sighed. What the fuck is my life. "Listen guys, I don't know what you're expecting from me. Y'know you can... investigate some of these problems yourselves, right? I'm not magic. You don't have to wait for some punk delinquent like me to show up to check out polluted rivers or whatever." Silence. "Okay, it's possible that I'll solve some of your problems incidentally while I'm here, b-" Uproarious cheering cut me off. Fucking hell. "But no promises, okay? On me holidays. Lower your expectations. The Rangers are right the hell over there, like, I can literally see their front door from this window." "They kinda suck though," said the kid. "They're also going to still be here a month from now. Now get out of here. I'm having me breakfast." Silence, but more. I gestured wildly for them to move. Nothing. I sighed, and just went inside. A shower would drive them away sooner or later. I stomped down the stairs and slumped back into my chair. Nevada, egg on his face, leapt off the chair, and then back into my lap, looking for pets. I smiled, and promptly shoved him off so I could get back to the table. At least he hadn't gotten into my juice. "Is... everything okay?" Ivy said, behind the same mug of coffee with the same bewildered twist of her eyebrows. "When I was younger, being famous was a real rush. Now it's just kind of exhausting. I can't go outside without people looking for miracles when I just want to like... hang out with my dog." Rainbow frowned. "We wouldn't be here without your reputation, though." "I guess, but I could do without the expectations."
The Road Not TravelledI woke restlessly. How could I not? It was always way too bright. You'd think there'd be a thriving eyemask business up here, but I guess they're all used to it. The cushions were second to none, though. Perfectly malleable, never tangles, so breathable you can lie face down in your pillow and be completely fine. As long as you do the sensible thing and go to bed when the sun goes down, a night in the clouds is the best night's sleep you'll ever get. Unfortunately, I was not sensible, and as soft as the bedding could be, I found myself wrenching my eyes shut and stuffing my face into the mattress in an effort to get another five minutes' rest. There wasn't enough booze to go around to leave me with a proper hangover this morning, but there was enough to keep me up to an insensible hour. A hoof travelled from the base of my wing up to the hairline of my crest. "Time to get up, babe?" "No. Sun can piss off." Thunder Blitz chuckled, scratching behind my ear like I was a cat. She knew what I liked, and knew when to use it against me. "I know you were a cave bat, Atom, but I think this is your own fault." "Shut up and snuggle me." "Now you're talking." The cloud shifted as she climbed on it by my tail, and then crawled around behind me. It bounced when she dropped at my back. Then her weight rolled against me, and her nose found its way to my cheekbone. I reached for the hoof curling around my stomach, and curled around it in turn. She did that thing with her wings where she wiggled the pinions up the front of my chest and interlocked her feathers around my whole body from the waist down, and I didn't want to be anywhere else. "Hey Blitzy," I asked at some point. Two minutes later? Twenty minutes? No idea. "What time is it?" She squeezed me, and kissed my cheek from behind. "Like, eleven or something." "Shit!" I scrambled out of her grasp and out of the side of the bed. I landed with a soft non-noise, and started looking around. "I'm so late for my watch. Shit fuck shit." "Atom..." I staggered around our room. My balance hadn't caught up yet, never mind my eyes burning. "Where's my uniform? Agh, it's probably not clean, they're gonna kill me..." "Atom, it's Saturday." "Do you think they- what?" I looked back at her, sprawled across our bed with a knowing smirk. She looked like a lifeguard, or an acrobat. She had that lean muscle that concealed the power in her body in a petite frame. I was the lap cat, but she was the panther. Sometimes I didn't know what she saw in me. "It's Saturday, babe. You're not on duty until tomorrow." I squinted out the window. I couldn't see, the sun was that way. "Fuck. So it is." I rubbed between my eyes and sauntered back to the bed. "Well I'm up now." "I got you coffee. It might be cold by now, though." I looked at the bedside table. I felt the mug. "It's fine." Black, weak, barely sugared. "One of these days I've gotta steal you some surface stuff. It's just so much better." "Careful who you say that around, babe." Blitz looked at me like I was casually suggesting a crime against the state. Which, to be fair, I was. "It'll be a secret surprise for you, love." After a sip, I set the mug aside and slipped into bed again. She had a kiss waiting for me when I got in. "So what did you get up to last night? I didn't see you when I came in." "I left the watering hole an hour before you did, genius." "Tired?" "A little. And I knew you'd be waking up in a state today." "Blitz, I don't need you to mother me, holy fuck." "Yeah, but you like people taking care of you." She smiled and kissed the end of my nose. I scrunched it, and stuck out my tongue. "Have I ever told you how weird it sounds when you say phrases you picked up from me in your accent?" She squinted. "Like what?" "'In a state'. Like, it's just words, but it sounds wrong for some reason. Or like, 'bloody'. Say 'bloody'." "Bloody?" "Well like, if I say 'bloody hell' it just seems natural. But when you say it it's like... I dunno." "Bloody hell... bloody hell." She went cross-eyed. I giggled and brushed her cowlick out of her eyes. "Now the words have just stopped meaning anything." "Then how about you shut up and kiss me?" I licked my lips. She rolled her eyes and squeezed my middle, then begrudgingly gave me what I wanted. We let another twenty minutes pass in bed, and my coffee really did go cold. With the sun high above the complex, the light became more diffuse, and it became easier to sleep. However, if I linger on the details of the room, I'll just go back to waxing lyrical about cloud beds, and how the way the breeze passes right through it is perfect for trying to sleep through hot Neighvarro afternoons. "Unfortunately babe, I do have duty today." I squeezed her the instant she tried to pry me off and get up. "No. Your duty is to cuddle me, soldier." "I outrank you, babe." She stunned me with a brief smooch on the lips, and slipped out, letting her wingtips linger on my chest as she rolled gracefully on to the floor. She yawned and stretched, and stole some of my coffee on her way to the wardrobe. I didn't mind. I had a stretch myself as she dressed. I must have zoned out, because I feel like she did it pretty damn quick. She was in light battle armour, battle saddle at the ready. I was pretty sure we didn't keep that in our quarters? That was odd. "Uhh... when did..." "Hey, toss me the guns, will you babe?" she said, as she casually tightened her boots. "Guns? We don't have arms in our..." Blitz laughed. "They're above the bed. Man, you really are asleep, Atom." I looked up. There were four sunburst rifles hanging on the wall. Baffled, I took one down, tentatively. It was well-worn. Both of them were. "What duty were you on today again?" "Oh, we're glassing some ground-pounder village, it's no biggie. You gonna give me those blasties, or am I gonna have to take 'em over your corpse?" Two, four... seven... I stopped bothering to count at eleven notches on the barrel. "I'm sorry, what?" "Give me the rifles, Atom." She flashed me a glare like a displeased teacher. "Oh, not that one, that one's yours. Do wake up, babe." My mind raced. Something was definitely wrong. I threw it aside and rolled out of bed, stumbling to the kitchen. "Well fine, don't be my accomplice to genocide," Blitz snorted. The Enclave flag hung next to the San Palomino province flag on the wall by the door to the lounge. The starred E decorated our mugs, our chairs, everything that wouldn't be obviously gauche to adorn it with, and a few things that were. The bottom of my stomach fell from the clouds, and I lost control of my breathing. The overwhelming wrongness of this place overpowered my sense of balance, and I tipped out the window, my wings too stunned to catch me. I flinched, and fought to be free of the sheets. Nevada didn't help, since he was standing on top of me, trying to lick my face. I love the boy, but I had to push him off the bed just to be able to breathe. The little angel jumped right back on and circled around my back, whacking his dusty tail against my shoulder. I had a bit of a headache, troubled sleep aside. In fact, maybe they were related. I looked around. Drizzle peppered the window of the guest house, with the shacks of the Warreington skyline outside. It looked like early morning, but with the cloud cover, it was difficult to tell. I rubbed my eyes and stood up. Nevada stayed close by my heels, and only tripped me up once. I was the first one awake, so I helped myself to some juice and bread. I'm sure they wouldn't mind me raiding the kitchen. It was nearly an hour before anyone else came down, and I tried not to think. I didn't feel like sleeping, but I sure was tired, so I just slumped on the grotty armchairs in the half-light with the radio, entertaining more idle thoughts. I should really see what Tribute is up to these days. The radio is still going, after all. And how the hell did I stumble into my old place the other day if I'm staying in Warreington? Colton is at least five hours on foot from here. Rainbow Code, the first riser in the building after me, looked like he was looking around for the innkeeper to see if breakfast was ready, and coming up short. I slumped over the side of the chair, and Nevada went over to greet him. "Hey," I said. Wow, that was a croak. I should have had more than just some warm juice. "Oh, morning Atom. Wasn't expecting you down so early." "Neither was I." He chuckled. "So, no breakfast yet?" "Y'know they don't keep the kitchen locked?" He glared at me. "S'just facts, mate. I'm not telling you to do anything." He shook his head, and turned his attention to Nevada, who was enjoying a good belly scratch. "Say, uh..." I licked my lips and thought about what to say. Rainbow, bless him, waited patiently, looking at me while he rubbed my dog right where it got his leg kicking. "Do you ever think about Valkyrie's offer?" His gaze drifted for a moment. "Not very often." "Do you ever dream about it?" "Can't say I have. Not that I remember. Did you?" After a guilty pause, I nodded. "I wouldn't dwell on it. We both made the right choice." "I know." Nevada, now that Rainbow was giving me his full attention, got up and wandered back to me, parking his nose on my lap. Duty-bound, I petted. "Still, it's... interesting to think about what could have been."
The Secret Ingredient"Okay, running through the check list. Flour?" Rainbow looked up from the tattered cookbook and blew the fringe out of his eyes. It took him a couple of attempts. I tapped my hoof on every other thing on the countertop until I found the bag of white powder. "Check!" His eyes lingered on me with a smirk. "Eggs?" "Yes." There was still a white feather in my hair from the morning. "Milk?" "It's probably still fine." "We're baking it, it should be okay. Butter?" "Also here." "Sugar?" "Yep!" "And fruit." I span the can in the air once, before catching it on a hoof. "Best before August 22nd!" "What year?" He let the book slap on the counter. "It's probably fine." He gave me a sceptical quirk of the eyebrow. "Probably. So, first we set the oven to... Gas Mark 3." "Oh, you mean we don't just fry it?" "No, Atom, that's not how you bake a cake." I shrugged, and gave the rusted old fire hazard a slap. It needed it to get running. The owners of my old house were still nowhere to be found, so I'm sure they wouldn't mind if we borrowed their kitchen for the afternoon to get a bit sentimental with mum's old recipe book. It looked like the oven hadn't been used since I was in the place either. "That's firing up now." "Okay, next we grease the..." Rainbow squinted at the book. "Mum, your writing is terrible... I think it's meant to say 'grease the tin with butter' but it looks like 'grease the un wa buur'." "I can tell this is already going great." "You do that, I'll... 'weigh the fruit into a bowl?' We know how much fruit we have..." He scrunched his nose up and muttered the next instruction. "Mix up the butter, eggs, milk, jam, sugar, flour and spice?" "Did you read this before we started?" "I read the ingredients on the assumption that all the ingredients we needed were in that list. Y'know, like a sensible recipe." I snorted. "So what are we gonna do about spice? Does it say what it is?" He flipped back through the book, then stopped when he noticed some of the sticky tabs starting to come loose. "I think just anything that'll give it a little kick should be fine." I pulled a cupboard open and peeked through the jars. No pepper, no cinnamon, no chili... Hmm. "Curry powder do?" "Maybe just a pinch." "Pinch away, dude." I tossed the jar over to him. He wasn't too happy about having to catch it. He grumbled, but he let me get on with 'greasing the tin'. The tin... could have used a wash. I didn't have time to give it more than a rinse and a quick scrub, because Rainbow was busy fighting the ingredients in the bowl with a fork, and at some point he was going to pour it on the tin, ready or not. After all, we couldn't completely discount the possibility that we'd have to rapidly vacate the premises. "Did you use all the butter?" "Not all of it." I put my hoof on the tin to stop it sliding. "Do we have any cake mix left?" "Yeah," Rainbow said, plaintively wiping a glob of batter off his nose. "You gonna..." I held the tin, and he lifted the bowl. The tin slipped out of my hooves and across the counter, flipped up on the sink, and then stuck to the window with a wet slap. "Did you grease both sides of the tin?" "Not on purpose," "How do you accidentally smear butter on the bottom of a baking tray?" "Listen, it was slippery, and I dropped it in the stick, I..." The tin clattered into the sink. Rainbow put the bowl down and laughed into his foreleg on the counter. "Get the tray." The oven wasn't amazingly warm when we put it in, which was good, because I feel like we would have burned ourselves on it. Rainbow had a fine old time trying to clean up the counter without getting egg and milk on the cookbook, while I winded myself on the sink cleaning butter off the window from the inside. We couldn't remember exactly where all the ingredients belonged, and the jar lids for the sugar and the curry powder were identical for some reason, so hopefully we weren't in for a spicy cuppa once we were all done with this. The recipe said to cook for an hour and fifteen minutes, which we used to cover the evidence of our breaking and entering. I double-checked the bedroom, because the morning I woke up there with Stars, I wasn't exactly in the mood to do much tidying. That said, I had no idea what the place was like before I got there, so it's entirely possible these hapless sods are going to come back to a house that's tidier than when they left it. Maybe then we can bill them for it. When we checked on the cake, it had spread flat around the tin, was dark all over the top, and the oven was hazy with smoke. I was pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen, but Rainbow insisted that if we opened the oven too soon, the cake would collapse, according to the book. He changed his mind five minutes later when smoke started pouring out around the oven door. After we were done coughing and nearly burning ourselves on the tray trying to get it to the counter, we allowed our freshly-baked slab of concrete to cool for ten minutes before attempting to cut it. On some level, we knew as we made the tea that the thing was going to be inedible. We lived in hope until Rainbow tried to cut the thing, and the knife gave way first. "Do you think they'll enjoy their new doorstop?" Rainbow spluttered into his tea as we sat at the counter. "We're not leaving this thing here, Atom." "Then what the hell are we going to do with it?" "Throw it out, obviously." "If you put that thing in a rubbish compactor it's going to break it." "Side of the road. It's fine." "Of course! A slab this tough will be a perfect durable road surface material." At this point, Rainbow put his hoof in my face and moved it around until I put my tea down and shoved him off. "So what went wrong?" "I think mum's recipe might be crap." "Well it wasn't hers, she copied it down from yonks ago." I scratched my chin. "Y'know, it was probably a lot easier to find just what you needed before the war." "How out of date was that fruit? 180, 190 years?" "I think we've only made the fruit less edible." "Inn't you supposed to have yeast when you're baking?" "Asking the wrong pony. Wouldn't it have said so?" Rainbow shrugged. "Y'think dad had this much trouble with these recipes?" "I hope so." He thumped my shoulder. "He had like, a decade to practice." "True. Maybe we should have just done a stew or something easy." I took a long sip of tea, regarding our new pavement slab. "Nah, I'm glad we tried. I mean, we're still cake-less, but it was something different. It's something nice, not just survival food." "Hm. That's a good point." We finished our tea around the same time, and came away with a similar grimace. I could only guess he'd found the same thing I did at the bottom of the mug. "We got the sugar and curry lids mixed up, didn't we?" He spat into the mug and coughed a couple of times. "Fuckin' hell, we did."
