Twilight Eats Meat

by FallingTeapots

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 1020

Rainbow Dash slips a little something something into Twilight's salad.

Rainbow Dash decided to be a troll and taint Twilight Sparkle's salad with meat products. You may assume Twilight wouldn't take a liking to it, but there's more than what meats the eye. HA! See what I did the.. Okay.
Keep in mind the references are pretty old and cheesy, but I think it's funny.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-20 11:24:01 UTC

Aftermeat (Aftermath)

You may have just watched this episode of Punk'd and wonder what happened because of Twi Spark's reaction. We don't have good news about that, however.

Unfortunately, the next week, Rainbow Dash and the crew's bodies were found crudely trashed in the gutter - I know, gross. Twi seems sane enough, right?.. How she always seems to be in shock since eating that chicken? I know, right? Drama queen!

We found a tape along with it as well, and I think you know what was on it-

"Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew."

Twilight Sparkle has filed a lawsuit and requested this episode to never be shown on the television ever again. As a result, we are in debt. Donations are much appreciated. To donate, go to the PTV online website now! You'll get a free pony plush toy if you give your cold hard cash today!

5% of it will go towards the crew and Dash's funeral. If you donate $50+, you'll get an invitation to Dash's funeral. She was a great pony, but everypony has to go SOME day.

~.<.0.>.~

INTERVIEW WITH TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Interviewer: So Twilight, how do you feel about the predicament?

Twilight: I am really devastated. I cannot believe a pony such as Rainbow Dash would go so far as to put MEAT PRODUCTS in my FOOD!

Interviewer: What shocks you so much about this?

Twilight: Ponies don't eat meat. Period. Never has there been a pony with a sane mind who ate meat.

Interviewer: Are you calling yourself.. not sane?

Twilight: Well, I didn't think that one through. No, I am sane. After all, I didn't brutally murder the crew and Rainbow Dash and throw them in the Canterlot gutters. No, I have a lot more class than that. Not as much as Rarity, but still enough to know not to sneak into Dash's bedroom and drug her with chloroform in the shower.

Interviewer: ....

Twilight: What is it?

Interviewer: Oh, nothing.

Twilight: *muttering*I still can't believe I read that awful fanfic.. Cupcakes? Really.. Sweet Celestia it was awful..

Interviewer: What?

Twilight: Can I go now?

Interviewer: Sure? Your interview is now over! Goodbye, Twilight Sparkle!

~.<.0.>.~

Author's Notes

I don't know how I came up with this. All I know is that I have some pretty strange ideas sometimes. And, yeah, I know. It's pretty dang stupid, but I think, in some way, it is.. humorous? I don't know.. Sorry for excessive EWing, I just thought it needed to be there. You know.. It just fit! This is my first comedy story. Sure, it may be somewhat awful, but I just thought I'd give the genre a try. Please tell me what you think of it in the comments and like/dislike if you, like it means, LIKE or DISLIKE it. Alright, thanks for reading this. Bye!

PS:

Ponies

Twilight Sparkle is a Chicken

Twilight walked up the steps to some classy restaurant. Suddenly, Rainbow thrust herself from out between the bushes! HAHA! I probably scared the almighty BUCK out of her.

"AHHH!! RAINBOW! I told you not to do that after what happened at Sugarcube Corner..."

Twilight facehoofed. "Okay. Alright. Let's just have our salads and get this over with."

~.<.0.>.~

They had finally sat down in a nice table outside of the restaurant. Rainbow had convinced Twilight to get a salad she hadn't tried before. Rainbow saw this as the perfect opportunity to slip some hard-to-come-by diced chicken product into her salad.

Twilight looked up at Rainbow Dash.

"Is this.. good? You know I'm allergic to -"

Rainbow Dash replied,

"Yes, Twi. For the 7th time, it's good. Just try it, okay? I promise you won't die if you just AT LEAST take a LITTLE tiny bite."

Twilight sighed. "Okay, if you say so.."

Twilight took a bite, and...

"Mm, yum! What is this chewy thing here?" Twilight questioned, pointing her hoof towards the chicken.

That was *NOT** the reaction I was looking for. I probably shouldn't tell her what she's eating..*

"Oh, um, that's, uh, um..."

Quick! Think of something!

"Um, that's uh... Tofu?" Rainbow Dash spluttered out.

"Hm.. This.. Tofu is pretty delectable then. Say, where can I buy it? I would love to eat this tofu soon, and perhaps introduce it to Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity and Spike! They probably would love it! I'm not so sure about Spike, because all he seems to like are a million dollar's worth of gems and ice cream. What do you think?" Twilight said.

"Oh, it is pretty hard to come by. You only are able to buy it out of the nation somewhere. I'm not exactly sure.. Maybe even in.. uh.. Manehatten. I think. That's a pretty long trip, isn't it? I uh, think you shouldn't go and look for it. It's hard to find, uh, like I said before. So you should probably just forget about it. It's not worth it, is it? Yeah, it's a long trip. Don't go." Rainbow struggled to not sound awkward.

"Well, Rainbow, you sound like there's something wrong with it. What is the matter? Is there something I don't exactly know about it, and you are trying to not let me get ill from eating it?"

"Um.. Well.. It isn't really tofu. Please don't try to kill me when I tell you what it is.." Rainbow took a deep breath, preparing for the moment of truth.

"Its.. chicken."

Twilight spoke. "..What? YOU PUT CHICKEN.. IN MY SALAD?!"

Suddenly a camera crew, and a random guy with a microphone come out of the building!

"Twilight Sparkle, you've just been PUNK'D! What do you have to say?"

Twilight's jaw hit the ground..

"What?.. So.. Wait, was that actually chicken?.."

Rainbow giggled. "Sure was!"

Twilight sat there for several minutes, muttering the same thing.

"Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew."

Twilight ran inside, and the camera crew followed after.

Twilight was recorded washing her mouth out with soap.

Later that day, Spike told the show on an interview about how she was muttering the same thing in her sleep -

"Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew."