Retirement is Harder Than it Looks

by Macgyver644200

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 1088

Celestia and Luna can't quite retire.

It should have been simple to retire. Just put everything down, go on vacation, and watch the daisies grow. However, some people don't seem to take well to handing everything over. Not quite.

Part of Quills and Sofas's fifth flash fiction contest: We Tried, where it advanced one time before being eliminated.

Published 2019-09-08 02:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-08 02:40:02 UTC

Retirement is Harder Than it Looks

The first time we came back, the sun and the moon had risen in exactly the same place at exactly the same time.

We weren’t exactly thrilled about it. Partly because we were on a hot-air-balloon to Acapulcolt at the time. I’d been yearning to show Luna how to snorkel, and I wanted to check in and see how one of my old friends was doing. But as soon as the sun came up, we knew we had to get out and fly back.

It was the necklace. It had power, but the spells on it were interfering with Twilight’s magic. As a result, the necklace was calling two enchantments at once. That took the better part of a week to fix. We ended up just stripping out the enchantments and just making it a battery (as my sister had initially suggested, not that I want to admit it). But that was alright, everything was resolved, and we re-booked our flight.

By the time we’d landed, we noticed something wrong with the stars. Namely, that they weren’t showing up. Luna said that could wait until we got back. I quite reasonably asked if she was sure, she snapped back at me, we… said some things we regretted, and resolved to send a message to Twilight. She said everything was fine, though, and she had a temporary fix in mind. We left it at that.

The next night, what looked like classroom sticky stars were plastered all over the heavens. All different colors, no rhyme or reason, just stickers. Before they’d even been changed into cardboard cutouts of stars, much less into twinkling lights, we realized this would not do. Back up we went and Luna realized that just turning it into a battery had wiped out all of the stars instead of just moving them off the amulet (as I had told her would happen!). Thus, while she recreated every star from scratch, I went to have a word with Discord about proper nocturnal arrangements.

It turns out Discord had just been playing a joke for Fluttershy. She wasn’t all that amused, apparently. Still, we talked about relationships, and I found out Discord was interested in getting engaged. I congratulated him. Then I pulled Luna aside and let her know that maybe we should stay behind a little while, just in case something else went wrong. After all, Twilight had plenty to do already. We could help with this.

That went off without a hitch, I’m very relieved to say. But the thought of love and marriage turned my thoughts to the big love of my life, and how I’d almost undone two universes because of him. I’d go to find out more, but the portal there was still broken. I knew I wouldn’t be getting back this side of a century.

So Luna suggested we partake in ‘ladies night’. I flatly declined, but I wished her the best of luck. Sure enough, she had fun that night. At first. It turns out that the bar was housing cultists dedicated to raising Catrina again. Ladies night was to scope out a virgin sacrifice. Turns out we both qualified. We decided to surprise them.

I’d forgotten how much fun a bar brawl could be! I didn’t even have to light up my horn, though I did personally congratulate one pink stallion that managed to snap my head back. He seemed appreciative. Also a little out of his depth for what he was up to. I wanted to post his bail, but I had the feeling Twilight wouldn’t appreciate what Luna and I were doing. Still, we were having fun… maybe staying in town wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Two weeks later, we found that a clew of Tatzlewurms had begun encrouching on Appleloosa. We knew Applejack probably had the matter well in hoof, but I was sure she would appreciate the assistance. Still, what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her feelings. That’s what we told ourselves when Manehattan was being menaced by aliens again. We trusted Rarity (and that Pair family she brought up for some reason), but anything she didn’t have to do...

And from there, our schedules just exploded. Rainbow Dash had an outbreak of gremlins in Salt Lick City. Pinkie Pie’s World Fun Extravagalanza had the start of a diplomatic incident regarding the meaning of the word ‘punch’. Fluttershy… well, we didn’t have to do anything on that one, thanks to Mister Fluttershy, but Spike, Starlight, and Sunburst’s journey through the eighth dimension was quite the fun experience. We were racing around just like the good old days, back when we were princesses in our prime.

At that moment, in the middle of a fight with some being whose name I couldn’t dream of pronouncing, I realized something, and so did Luna. Did we really want to retire? I mean, sure there were bad days, there were days where nothing seemed to happen, but they really seemed so minor. We’d never take back our rule. After her handling of the Griffonstone-Kludgetown affair, Twilight deserved to rule. Still, that didn’t mean we couldn’t stay on as Princess Emeritus or something. Rent out a brownstone in Canterlot, dip our hooves into current events, maybe advertise in the paper (free of charge, of course).

I would’ve hammered this out with Luna later, but that’s when Spike saw us.

Sure enough, Twilight wanted to see us. It was while Luna and I were trying to explain that I realized just how I looked to Twilight after Smarty Pants. Still, after apologizing profusely, we managed to put together our proposal (quite well for something we made up together on the fly). And we waited.

Then Twilight got the widest, nastiest smile I’d ever seen on her face. She pulled out a massive brown book. Luna looked at me, but she got nothing in response. I knew what that was, and I tried to beg for mercy, but Twilight wouldn’t have it. And so Luna and I were verbally force-fed three weeks worth of our old schedules. Every appeal I had to hear, every bad dream Luna had to address, every injury we both received (complete with treatments down to every pill we took).

Three hours later, we were on a hot-air-balloon back to Acapulcolt, where we decided to stay an extra week. Twilight had everything handled, no need to help. We’d only get in the way. Besides, Luna looks adorable in a snorkel.